absence of drug laws

Gained from:

#19 @@NAME@@ Awash With Red-Rimmed Eyes
2. all recreational drugs are legal
#116 Soda Sales Hits New 'High'
3. reports of attacks by bright purple sixty-foot high spiders have recently shot up
#139 Drug Debate Hits the Streets
3. zombie-like crowds of hard drug users stumble through the streets
#1016 Breaking Upset
5. emergency services don't respond to trailer park fires
#1229 Crystal Clear Sinuses
4. there's some really clean windows in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ houses
#1418 The High Life
2. parents are always up to speed on the latest childcare techniques

Sometimes gained from:

#1 Where's the Love Gone?
3. same-sex marriages are increasingly common
#2 Reclaim the Streets!
3. the automotive industry soaks up huge government handouts
#3 Harry Potter Censorship Row
2. the latest Harry Potter book is a bestseller
#6 Appointment of Spiritual Advisor
2. the government's religious works are headed by a New Age guru
#8 Nudists Demand Time in Sun
1. citizens can be frequently spotted going about their business stark naked
#12 Death Penalty on Agenda
2. extreme political groups are outlawed
#13 Too Much Yakking, Already, Say Delegation
2. @@NAME@@'s children are widely acknowledged as the most foul-mouthed in the region
#14 Military Demands Increased Spending
1. military spending is on the increase
#20 Gunman Kills Three
4. a valid legal defense is 'dead men tell no tales'
#21 Police Consider "Big Brother" Anti-Crime System
1. surveillance cameras are banned
#22 Nazi Sympathizers Plan Rally
2. the tenet of free speech is held dear
#23 Uranium Deposit Promises to Enrich @@NAME@@
1. the country's famous rainforests are being bulldozed by the mining industry
2. the country's famous rainforests are being bulldozed by the mining industry
3. tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests
4. tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests
#24 Budget Time: Accountants Excited
4. citizens are enjoying a recent large cut in taxes
#26 Compulsory Organ Harvesting Proposed
2. organ donation rates are among the lowest in the region
#27 Cash for Colons?
1. college students make ends meet by selling their kidneys
#28 Cancer Sufferer Demands Euthanasia Bill
1. euthanasia is legal
#29 Minorities Demand Representation in TV Soaps
3. the alarmingly racist TV show 'Bigtopians Say the Darndest Things' is a hit
#32 One Wife Is Never Enough, Say Polygamists
1. polygamy is legal
4. there have been reports of people marrying housepets
#34 Don't Puff on Me, Say Non-Smokers
3. eight-year-olds can be seen lighting up in public areas
#35 Refugees Want to Call @@NAME@@ Home
1. the nation has opened its arms to an influx of refugees
#37 Traffic Cops Needed on Information Superhighway?
3. anti-government web sites are springing up
#42 Turn Down That Racket, Say Morality Police
2. elevator music has been replaced by thrash metal played at maximum volume
#44 No Pain, No Gain!
2. torture is illegal
#46 Jennifer Government Censorship Row
2. Jennifer Government is a bestseller
#47 The Great Wall of @@NAME@@?
2. refugees from other nations are flocking to @@NAME@@'s border
#50 Whips, Chains, and Leather, Oh My!
2. leather-clad individuals can be seen walking their slaves in public parks
#51 Streaker in Snooker Game Fiasco
2. streakers swamp all public events in order to bare it all
#52 Is It Art or Is It Porn?
3. nude art is becoming wildly popular
#60 Supreme Court Nomination
5. the Supreme Court vehemently protects civil rights and the right to privacy
#62 Oh, the Angst!
1. citizens are encouraged to report friends, family members or co-workers who seem depressed to the government for "counselling"
#65 Should Martial Law Be Declared?
1. rioting and unrest sweep the nation
3. ad hoc militias patrol the streets in an effort to control rampant crime
#66 Transgender Recognition Demanded
1. sex changes are routinely performed at @@NAME@@'s hospitals
#72 Widening Buttocks Cause Movie Theater Havoc
4. city sidewalks are crowded with overweight people
#73 @@NAME@@ - Without Cars, Going Nowhere Fast
3. the government is spending millions on alternative clean-burning fuels
#77 Easter Egg: World to End, or Possibly Just Mark Anniversary
3. the nation is cleaning up after a national night of celebration left most people with headaches and dim memories (@@EGG@@)
#84 Compulsory Gun Ownership?
2. citizens are permitted to carry concealed handguns
#88 Cannibals Demand to Taste What @@NAME@@ Has to Offer
1. murder rates are on the rise as the popularity of soylent products grows
2. soylent products are an expensive commodity due to a lack of volunteers
#98 Police Want More Than Shiny Badge
4. citizens are expected to be armed at all times
#100 Road Rage Rampage
3. it's a common sight to see angry commuters with grenade launchers mounted on their vehicles
#101 Tiara Sign of Oppression, Declare Feminists
4. Max Barry is this year's Miss @@NAME@@
#106 Give the Red Light District the Green Light?
3. government-run brothels can be found on every street corner
#112 Put the Phone Down on Cold Calling?
1. a ban on unsolicited cold calling in all forms is in effect
#114 Wipe Out Graffiti?
3. graffiti graces every city's streets
#115 @@NAME@@'s Schoolchildren Not Learning the Lingua Franca
2. foreigners are treated with great suspicion
#116 Soda Sales Hits New 'High'
1. 'Mountain Doobie' is widely regarded as the nation's favourite drink
#118 Need for Speed?
1. the roads are notorious throughout the region for their peril
#119 Watershed Down?
1. programmes of questionable content are shown at peak-hours
#121 A Uniform Plan for @@NAME@@'s Students?
2. students are known to arrive at school in their pyjamas
#128 Ban the Burka?
2. there have been sightings of people walking around dressed in nothing but leopard-skin g-strings for 'religious reasons'
#129 Tribal Troubles
1. large sections of @@NAME@@ have been named national reserves to protect the native tribes living there
5. a primitive society is being eroded as its youth flock to the modern world
#131 Raise Duel Standards, Say Fencers
1. murderers frequently escape punishment by claiming they were protecting their honour
#133 When @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ Attack!
4. @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ are frequently shot for looking at people 'in a funny way'
#136 Much Ado About Abortion
1. abortions are routinely performed in @@NAME@@'s hospitals
#146 Evolution: Truth or Witchcraft?
3. biology and religious education classes have recently been merged
4. children are sent to either religious or secular schools
#149 With Liberty, Freedom, and Guns for All?
1. @@NAME@@ is renowned for its lax gun laws
#150 Bug 'Em All, Say Police
2. it is illegal for police officers to carry out searches due to strict privacy laws
#158 Regarding Robbers' Rights
1. nervous homeowners have been blamed for rising death rates amongst carol singers and locksmiths
#160 Truancy on the Rise
3. students in @@NAME@@'s schools rarely attend their classes
#167 Fluoride Controversy a Toothy Problem
1. the people are famous throughout the region for their perfect yellow teeth
2. the public health bureaucracy is wrapped in miles of red tape
3. the public health bureaucracy is wrapped in miles of red tape
#169 @@ANIMAL@@ Hunting Laws Under Dispute
3. main battle tanks stalk the woods of @@NAME@@ in search of @@ANIMALPLURAL@@
#171 Kids and Criminality: Whose Responsibility?
2. the nation's youth is held blameless for all crimes
#173 Women Demand Equal Opportunities
1. business is adjusting to new gender equality policies in the workplace
#175 Is @@NAME@@ Too Promiscuous?
4. @@NAME@@ is notorious for its citizens' infidelity
#178 Free Press Too Free?
2. truth is often impossible to tell from fiction on the evening news
#181 Radio Rebels Ruffle Government
1. 'The Anti-Government Hour' is a popular programme on many of @@NAME@@'s radio stations
#184 Compulsory Military Service Under Attack
1. the military struggles with recruitment
#186 Carjacking Concerns
2. citizens drive tank-like vehicles with mounted machine guns
3. citizens drive tank-like vehicles with mounted machine guns
#188 Video Games Too Violent, Say Parents
2. the children of @@NAME@@ are often remarked upon for their cheery attitude to extreme violence
#191 Blood Banks Running Dry
3. the poor are often seen pale and dizzy after selling their blood to make ends meet
#195 Right of Way or Wrong of Way?
1. public footpaths are being slowly eroded by the burgeoning number of ramblers
#196 Violent Violetists Protest Artists
2. the @@NAME@@ Enquirer offers weekly cash prizes for 'most blasphemous song, story, or cartoon'
#197 Breastfeeding in Public: Innocent or Indecent?
1. female newsreaders distract the nation by breastfeeding during broadcast
#198 Not All Those Who Wander Are Paying
3. the government has instituted 'traveller reservations' across the country
#207 Secret Police in @@NAME@@?
2. anti-government political posters adorn every building like wallpaper
#211 Unconventional Weapons Under Fire
2. the commercialisation of highly deadly weapons has instilled @@NAME@@ with a very polite populace
#212 Police Wanting Help With Their Inquiries
2. crime is on the rise as DNA sampling has been all but outlawed
#219 Nobody Expects the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Inquisition!
2. radio shows frequently feature people denouncing religion
#227 Underage Drinkers: Social Menace or Misunderstood?
4. a chain of pubs that cater solely to children has recently been unveiled
#236 Quickie Marriages Under Scrutiny
2. 'A is for Annulment' is a popular children's song
#238 We Need a Few Good Men Who Like Men?
5. the nation is constantly threatened with invasion but at least homosexuality in the military isn't a problem
6. the nation is constantly threatened with invasion but at least homosexuality in the military isn't a problem
#243 A Question of Faith
2. the government has declined to declare any particular religion as its 'official' one
#248 The Sky Is Falling
3. bombs are permitted on planes for the 'security of the passengers'
4. the wreckages of bombed planes that litter @@NAME@@ are highly popular tourist destinations
#258 What's in a Name?
2. @@ANIMAL@@ is one of the most popular forenames in @@NAME@@
#262 Sticks and Stones
2. violently opinionated speakers can be heard preaching their hateful views on every street corner
#268 Don't Want Your Kid Anymore? Good News!
3. mothers are routinely abandoning their children in the name of women's rights
#274 Brotherly Love - a Bit Too Close to Home?
1. inter-species marriages are ignored by the government
#275 Wiki Worries
1. the "Underwear of Women in Power" issue of The @@CAPITAL@@ Times is sold out
#297 Intersex Athletes Demand Level Playing Field
2. the 'kind of scrawny' 500 meter hurdle is a popular event
#315 Creative Flowers Withering Under Legislation
2. immigrants flood the job queues as discrimination in the workplace makes a staggering comeback
#316 Fortified Against Crime
1. the richest citizens live in sheltered private citadels
#317 Big Brother Is Watching You Surf
2. cyber-crime and tin-foil hat sales are both increasing at record rates
#318 Death Penalty on Death Row?
1. prisoners work-share to cut down rising costs of keeping them in jail
#323 Get Teens Out of MyFace?
2. the nation leads @@REGION@@ in per capita stalking
#329 Military Uniforms Under Scrutiny
6. shock troops shock enemy forces with their nudity
#333 No Sacrifice, No Sacrifice at All
3. murderers and thieves claim divine inspiration to avoid prosecution
#348 I Want a Lawyer
1. the state is footing the bill for billionaires' lawyers
#358 Not Another Teen Pregnancy
2. many junior high school teachers minor in midwifery
3. many junior high school teachers minor in midwifery
6. getting an abortion takes less hassle than writing a letter
#364 It's UterUs, Not UterYou!
1. birth rates have hit an all-time low
#365 A Busload of Worry
1. children as young as six shock their parents by coming out of the closet
3. bus ads propagandize causes ranging from sexual revolution to religious pogroms
#374 Lion Dad Sparks Child-Rearing Sentiment
2. mollycoddled youths run the country
#381 Mamma @@NAME@@, Let Me Go
1. the government has an "easy come, easy go" policy on youth crime
#409 Water Palaver
2. the state funds the recreational drug habits of every citizen
#411 Outed Teacher Ousted
2. discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation is illegal
#420 Caught Green Handed
3. Maxtopian Grass flags adorn every college dorm room
#423 Returning Holy Warriors Cause Trouble
2. the government is ignoring the latest terrorist atrocities in @@CAPITAL@@ for fear of causing a fuss
#434 Fraternity Furor
1. fraternities are notorious for drunken hooliganism
#438 Judicial Review on Trial
2. political gridlock ensues as even the most innocuous legislation is vetoed by the Supreme Court for potential civil rights violations
#440 Jumping the Sharknado
3. 'Police Academy 36' and 'Sharknados On A Plane' are vying for top spot at the box-office
#452 Foetal Furore
3. the travel industry is booming as pregnant women book tickets for "weekend trips" overseas
#459 Murder, He Shouted!
1. major corporations receive tax breaks for no apparent reason
#487 Masks of Shame
1. country folk are sent to obligatory boarding schools to learn how to be civilized
#488 Bright Orange Is the New Black
5. games of cops and robbers typically end in at least one fatal shooting
#489 Standing at Attention
2. good-looking soldier boys have celebrity status amongst the nation's homosexuals
#491 Friends, @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@, Countrymen, Lend Me Your Ears
2. census workers struggle to account for the rapidly increasing number of citizens to tabulate
#493 Suspicious Superhuman Athletes?
3. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ athletes are close to breaking the 2 minute mile and the 16 meter long jump
#500 Please Don't Feed the (Copyright) Trolls
2. the constant playing of Merry Birthday on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ radio has led to calls for the song to be classified as a crime against humanity
4. the most popular WhoTube videos are ones featuring parodies of iconic songs
#502 Scientists Declare That @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ Are Persons
1. animal liberationists receive government funding to break into animal research labs
3. the new @@ANIMAL@@ Supremacy Party is faring well in the polls
4. the new @@ANIMAL@@ Supremacy Party is faring well in the polls
#504 Short Shorts Too Short?
4. young girls and senior citizens alike can be spotted wearing colourful short shorts
#505 Florists Blooming Mad
3. visions of giant pink @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ are a common side effect after @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ eat their meals
#508 Ex-Cons Robbed of Future
1. former arsonists can be found on local fire brigades
#519 School's Out (Of Control)
2. schools offer a range of lessons in subjects as diverse as The Economics of Bullying for Lunch Money
4. children often leave school with more diagnoses than qualifications
#520 Preach With Me if You Want to Live
3. military units are often seen arguing over which one is truly favored by the gods
#526 Any Idea Where the Law Is, Bessie?
4. farmers' market days almost always end in a shooting
#528 Privacy Concerns Reaching New Heights
1. belligerent citizens shoot at passing clouds for 'violating their airspace'
#530 Regenerative Permaculture Emergence
1. @@CAPITAL@@'s main city thoroughfare has been blocked by a row of leyland cypresses that mysteriously appeared overnight
#533 Hearsay Heresy
2. witnesses have to run a gauntlet of mob enforcers to testify at trials
#538 @@LEADER@@, Let Your People Go!
3. debates on whether toilet seats should be left up or down are increasingly commonplace
#539 All My Bits Are Belong to You
2. @@LEADER@@'s new android secretary is the latest media darling
3. robosexual marriages are increasingly common
#543 Flash, Aaaaaargh!
2. commuters often break into synchronised para-para dancing for no reason at all
3. sullen teenagers in bright orange 'community payback' onesies can be seen picking litter at the roadside
#544 Object-Oriented Programming
2. teenage male videogamers often suffer repetitive strain wrist injuries
#550 10 Awful Crimes You Just Won't Believe!
1. crime is on the rise as online youths compete to vlog the most shocking scenes of violence
#552 Must Be a Full Moon
3. tourists visit @@NAME@@ to mass-moon @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ politicians
#558 Turning a Blind Eye?
1. every week is blindness awareness week
3. dining out often involves @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ on the plate no matter what you order
#565 'A' Is for Academic Doping
3. exam halls are littered with used needles and empty pill bottles
5. exam halls are littered with used needles and empty pill bottles
#572 Reading, Your Rights
1. nobody is allowed to stop the local daycare from reading Nietzsche to pre-schoolers
#573 The Road to Blackacre Ends Here?
3. a policy of plausible deniability helps protect the government from athletic doping scandals
#580 @@NAME@@ Taking Leave of Its Census?
1. the country's population is reported with a margin of error of several billions
5. only @@LEADER@@'s friends count in the eyes of the government
#583 Don't Be a Busk-Kill
4. funerals are often rudely interrupted by juggling clowns shouting for volunteers from the audience
#584 The Cake Is a Lie
2. they say that @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ made a dessert and called it peace
#592 Infamy! Infamy! They've All Got It in for Me!
1. for the sake of 'public interest' news programs tell viewers how to home-make Sarin gas bombs
#595 Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes?
4. the police are destroying all photographic evidence of their own existence
#598 A Violet Trojan Horse
4. political talk shows often have children as guests whenever they need commentary on world religions
#609 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@, Drugs, and Rock'n'Roll
1. @@LEADER@@'s peyote-induced "let's all just be friends" speech is trending world-wide
#613 A Nude Day, a Nude Awakening...
4. they say that @@LEADER@@'s personal computer is full of naked pictures of the Emperor of Maxtopia
#616 You Are Feeling Very Very Sleepy and Not at All Gay
1. counselors have to sign pledges supporting gay rights before they can speak to any patients
3. conversion therapy coupons are a popular present for coming of age ceremonies
#623 Maison d'Être?
1. rich people sell their mansions to pay for endless rows of mobile homes
2. the country is littered with broken homes
#624 A Role to Play
2. RPG fans reminisce fondly about when people thought they were evil and dangerous rather than geeky and socially inept
#629 Boom or Bust?
3. respect is something that is typically forced rather than earned in @@NAME@@
#631 The Violet Mile
7. international humanitarian organisations are applauding the government for ending the death penalty
#634 Bullet Time
1. in life full of care there is no time to stop and stare
#635 Hey Kid, Have a Cigar
2. schoolyard sandboxes resemble ashtrays due to the large number of cigarette butts
3. schoolyard sandboxes resemble ashtrays due to the large number of cigarette butts
#636 Going on the Cyber Offensive
1. school teachers check the staff room for hidden webcams before complaining about rebellious students
3. the opposition leader's credibility has been undermined by constant attention drawn to a dodgy toupee
4. the credibility of anti-government demagogues is undermined by government claims that they smell like poo
#638 Won't Somebody Think of the Children?
1. orphans would rather live their life of luxury than be adopted by prospective parents
#645 An Unwarranted Intrusion
2. the pursuit of wanted criminals ends at the entrance of the pay'n'spray garage as police refuse to enter any private property
#648 Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
1. cassocked priests and choirboys believe that what happens behind closed doors stays behind closed doors
3. it's considered a valid legal defence to say "a demon made me do it"
#656 Ransoms Noted
4. the nation's arms dealers guarantee discretion and untraceable transactions
#666 A Microchip on Your Shoulder
2. tradesmen will knock 10% off their fees if customers pay cash
3. truancy levels are on the rise ever since school registers were banned
#668 How to Examine Your Testees
3. home education can sometimes be a load of bullocks
#670 A Wolf in Refugee's Clothing
3. terrorists are on a first name basis with the officials that stamp their passports
#672 All Shook Up
1. morale within the seismologist community has hit rock bottom
#673 The Deportation of Mr. B. Leeper
3. the nation faces constant invasions by foreign boy bands
#681 @@NAME@@'s New Year's Resolution: Lose Fewer Limbs
1. banning party poppers has been a real party pooper
#687 Marriage by Proxy Server
1. many marriages go virtually unconsummated
#698 I Shot the Sheriff
1. the mentally ill are given high powered automatic weapons for "catharsis therapy"
#704 It's Not Lying, It's Post-Truth
3. the standard government reply to any query is "there is no spoon"
#707 The Eye of the Tiger
2. the Motherland's muscle-bound athletes won 786 medals at the last United @@REGION@@ Games
#718 Roses Are Due if Violet's for You
2. almost every singles' party has a clergy and courtesans theme
#730 It's Legal Now!
1. convicts released after being found "wrongfully imprisoned" are surprisingly chill about the whole thing
#731 Is There an Election in Marche Noire or Are You Just Happy to See Us?
2. foreign despots proudly bandstand on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ airwaves
#732 A Peeping Problem
1. supervisors in @@NAME@@ commonly tie bells on their necks to alert employees of their presence
#735 Rap Sheet
2. confessions don't count if suffixed with "izzle"
#749 Not Mushroom for Error
5. the number of deaths due to poor fungus identification is mushrooming
#750 Cheerleading Community Does the Splits
1. a suspicious number of male students have joined the Ladies' Wrestling League
#752 The Immortal Cells of Mrs. Gratwick
1. the dartboard at the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Cancer Research Charity bears a picture of @@LEADER@@'s face
#753 I've Got My Ion You
2. owners of man-portable particle accelerator backpacks are advised not to cross the streams
#755 Candid Camera
3. intelligence agencies frequently invite passers-by into their secret vaults for tea and biscuits
5. the government has announced its plans to construct a giant weaponised robot-cat
#757 Extra Credit?
1. lending money has become a major liability
#758 Bye Bye to the Birdies?
2. the weather in @@CAPITAL@@ is always 'pigeons with a chance of droppings'
#759 Marry, Marry, Quite Contrarily
3. the government's stance on marriage is 'Let @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ marry themselves'
#763 Any Body for Science?
2. the consent form for routine blood pressure measurement has been nominated for the 'Novel Of The Year' award
#767 Xe Said, Zhe Said
2. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ refer to transgender people with insults instead of pronouns
#770 Vaping Up a Storm
2. kids' party bags often contain candy and e-cigarettes
#787 Come Fly With Me?
1. airplane passengers who purchase "basic economy" tickets are often assigned seats in the lavatory
#799 A Political Cock-Up
3. politicians "baring all" for the camera isn't always a figure of speech
#801 Animation Provocation
3. toy versions of heroin paraphernalia let kids pretend to be their favourite TV characters
4. the realistic depiction of tentacles is on the core syllabus of most art schools
#802 No Lock, No Gun Stock, and No Smoking Barrels
3. banned objects are regularly legalized if they've been successfully stolen from the government
#804 Motivational Posters
1. internet trolls are considered valiant supporters of the right to free speech
#810 Armed and Unready
5. nobody is forced to join the armed forces
#811 Get Baked
4. it is illegal for a parent to tell a child to stop eating their boogers
#816 A Hot Topic
3. government employees from @@NAME@@ dominate international lumberjack competitions
4. government employees from @@NAME@@ dominate international lumberjack competitions
#818 We Are Not Amused
4. visitors to Violet Rock City are stunned to learn that they must memorize the "99 Principles" before entering
#819 Damned Cold
1. the term cold case has taken on a very literal meaning
#820 These Heels Weren't Made for Working
1. police officers often head to work wearing onesies and fluffy pink bunny-slippers
#826 Licensing Driving @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Crazy
4. hit and run driving is no longer a crime - it's the national sport
#831 Give Us a Break, @@LEADER@@
4. escalators are avoided at all costs
#832 Moderating Your Opinion
1. internet sites are legally unable to stop their users from posting pornography
#836 Don't Drink the Grape Punch
2. the "right of sanctuary" stops police pursuit into temples and churches
3. the "right of sanctuary" stops police pursuit into temples and churches
#842 @@LEADER@@ and the Chocolate Factory
1. the tightness of border controls in @@NAME@@ leave a little to be desired
#845 A Comedy of Errors
2. the comic book series '@@LEADER@@ and the Villainous Corporate Cronies' is a best-seller
#847 All the Lonely People
1. the national census includes an opt-in to join the government-run dating service
2. retirement apartments house giggling grannies who delightedly watch blank TVs all day long
#849 Sky High
2. crackheads chase drug-loaded drones in hopes of a lucky drop
#851 Commercial Tidings Well in Advance
2. mall countdown clocks warn that there are only 364 more shopping days until Maxxmas
#853 Silence Is Golden
3. from the highest mountain to the deepest cave - one can always count on finding a good cell signal in @@NAME@@
#874 Still Life
3. life-saving resuscitation is denied based on decades-old teenage diaries that declare "I want to die before I get old"
4. life-saving resuscitation is denied based on decades-old teenage diaries that declare "I want to die before I get old"
#875 They See Me Trollin', They Threatenin'
4. a death threat has replaced 'hello' as an official greeting in the nation
#877 Gunning for Profits
3. road rage is rarer but more terminal now that many people drive fully-operational battle tanks to work
#880 Oh @@NAME@@, What Obscene Children's Books You Have
3. preschools put children down for naps with milk, cookies, and a gruesome story of vengeance
#882 Death by Chocolate
2. the regional delicacy of chocolate bombes is deadlier than an unexploded bomb
#886 Bounty on the Table
2. bounty hunters have been dispatched to hunt down rogue bounty hunters
#887 Thin Skin
1. nature magazines featuring stick insects on their covers are sometimes mistaken for fashion magazines
#888 Criminal Patterns
1. road signs are getting harder to read under layers of knitted woolen cardigans
#891 Preach It!
2. street preachers sell salvation with a side order of shame on every corner
#895 Stop Training and Start Coaching
2. wilderness-dwelling hermits are surprised to find railway stations on their front doorsteps
#897 The Devil's Playground
2. Occam's razor has sliced to pieces any childhood belief in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy
#900 Piracy on the High Trees
5. the only place where one can see the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ cherry tree is in a museum
#902 Killer App
2. ironic death by tasering is on the rise amongst door-to-door taser salesmen
#905 Stage Directions
2. in musicals everybody's a little bit racist
#910 A for Effort
1. marine biology students are shocked to discover that a whale is a mammal
#913 Couped Up
1. ministers are now allowed to put suggestions in the governmental suggestion box
#919 The Meaning of Life
3. kindergarten teachers with ankle-bracelets are closely supervised by their parole officers
#921 It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad @@NAME@@
2. citizens finish cleaning up after the annual National Treasure Hunt just in time for the next one
#926 Ghost in the Machine
2. social media sites prompt users to send birthday greetings to unresponsive nonagenarians
#932 Teacher's Past Blown Wide Open
2. attendance of fathers at PTA meetings is at an all-time high
#933 A Gun in Every Hand and a Tank in Every Garage?
1. no suburban lawn is complete without barbed wire and landmines
4. international terrorists often get their weapons supply in @@NAME@@
#934 @@LEADER@@, Don't Tear Down That Wall!
2. the jackhammer is considered a tool of artistic criticism
#935 Hero to Zero
4. psychiatrists that date patients are congratulated on their romantic conquests
#939 A Question of Bad Faith
1. burnt-out forty-foot-tall wicker men dot the countryside
#941 Scents and Sensibility
3. nose plugs are the latest @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ fashion accessory
#942 A Foreign Exchange of Ideas
1. the nation's universities are often mistaken for foreign embassies
#944 Deadly Persuasion
3. even religious militants can be swayed by the power of #love
#953 The Ethnic Minority Report
2. it is not politically correct to suspect that a serially convicted burglar might steal again
#961 No Two Ways About It
3. cosmopolitan citizens ask what their countries can do for them
#963 The @@LEADER@@ Meme
2. the nation's politicians are known more for the internet memes they spawn than any of their accomplishments
#978 Alone in the Dark
1. prisoners can't do number twos without their "toilet buddy" present
#981 Westfailian Sovereignty
3. the best doughnut stores have been taken over by foreign police officers
#983 Doctors' Orders
3. a popular saying is "a chicken for every pot and an abortion clinic on every street"
#992 Robots in Disguise
1. the same @@POPULATION_VALUE@@ social media bloggers always loudly and immediately agree with @@LEADER@@'s every word on Twitcher
#993 Drug Deal
1. drugs containing the compound "oleum de serpens" are being sold to cancer patients
#1004 Two Countries and a Baby
1. babies are a small but significant export
#1008 Wash Your Mouth Out!
2. children gain their first sex education from reading the dictionary
#1016 Breaking Upset
4. Brown Sugar 101 is a popular course at community colleges
#1020 Bi-NO-Metric?
2. police struggle to solve crimes due to the lack of fingerprint records
#1023 Pure Madness
1. young girls aren't having a ball but they are enjoying themselves
#1028 Can't Get Enough of You Baby
4. traumatised refugees have a full bedpan shoved into their hands along with their immigration papers
5. traumatised refugees have a full bedpan shoved into their hands along with their immigration papers
#1038 Maid to Order
2. most households' childcare costs are higher than their mortgage payments
#1050 Criminal Guns Soon to Be Shooting Blanks
2. incarcerated crime lords manage their empires from massage tables
#1052 The Prisoners' Dilemma
1. the weather report is the prisoners' favourite programme
#1062 The Hunt for Violet November
1. enemy navies sail within bombardment range of major coastal cities with impunity
#1066 It's an Honour Just to Be Condemned
3. there's no such thing as bad publicity
#1070 Skeletons in the Closet
2. it's surprisingly hard to find pictures of the bad haircuts from @@LEADER@@'s childhood
#1076 Smokers Cornered
2. cigarettes are dead-cheap
#1091 The Great Divide
2. jabbing a baby's bottle at officials gets parents waved straight through immigration
#1092 The Boys From Brasilistan
3. hypochondriacs demand treatment for genetic disorders they don't have
#1097 What Do We Do With a Drunken Sailor?
4. parties on cruise ships go off with a real bang
#1102 The Sickest Criminals
1. cane fights are a common sight in nursing homes
#1106 Some Body to Love
1. customer satisfaction with online delivery services is at an all time high
#1107 Welcome to the Party
2. the Party has more splits than a yo-yo dieter's trousers
#1109 Of Mice and Meth
3. tourists aren't the only ones that talk about coming back from a trip
#1110 Curtains for the Horrorshow
2. the mood of raunchy movies is often ruined by the sound of babies crying
#1115 One in the Arm for @@LEADER@@?
1. seasonal hay-fever sufferers are attending government drug counselling sessions to get free doughnuts
#1117 Suffer Little Children
3. a sudden shout of "surprise!" does not herald a party for teachers
#1119 Where There Isn't Smoke
1. peer pressure from cooler world leaders directs @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government policy
2. @@LEADER@@ lights cigars with a hundred-@@CURRENCY@@ bill
3. there's a lot of smoke from the nation's "green economy"
4. slackers at work are told to "crack on with it"
#1123 Till Death Do Us Part
2. autopsies often involve only cursory examination
#1125 Blowing Smoke
1. the urinary fragrance of seedier establishments is thankfully hidden by the smell of stale smoke
3. public parks are littered with cigarette butts
#1131 Safe Sects
3. religious epiphanies are often cited as a reason for high school drop-outs
#1139 A Little Wrestling, a Lot of Controversy
2. the government loves seeing the little people fight
#1140 Blinded by the Light
2. @@CAPITAL@@'s flashy holiday light displays can be seen from space
#1141 The Trolley Problem
3. the Museum of Blackacrean War Crimes is located on "Blackacre Did Nothing Wrong Avenue"
#1143 Running From Time
1. criminals lock themselves in their mums' basements to avoid prison
#1147 The Long Walk
1. convicted criminals are given free limo rides to jail
3. some people will do literally anything to be in the spotlight
#1154 Foreign Tax Credits Leave Film Industry Reeling
3. taxpayer-funded government ads are promoting Brancaland as a premier filming location
#1157 Rodney and Julietta
4. heartfelt sentiments are mercilessly marketed by a million-@@CURRENCY@@ treacle machine
#1165 Crosswords Beget Angry Letters
2. crossword puzzles have been co-opted as a symbol of racial discrimination
#1166 Acres Wild
1. farmers have taken to hunting billionaires who encroach on their land
#1167 Another Brick in the Wall
2. an extra-long museum is being built to house the old border wall
#1169 An Old Head on Young Shoulders
2. crayon squiggles were a late addition to the works of the Renaissance Old Masters
#1170 To Catch a Beef
1. hand-to-hand combat experience is udderly essential for all dairy ranchers
2. hand-to-hand combat experience is udderly essential for all dairy ranchers
#1176 Haters Gonna Hate
2. blackface performers claim they are being deliberately ironic
#1188 The Only Good Criminal
1. fistfighting vigilantes tend to suffer a lot of gunshot wounds
#1190 Dirty Laundry
1. public enemies often walk home with spotless garments and crime records
#1198 The Death Debate Isn't Dead Yet
2. there's never a spare chair in the retirement home
#1199 Locked Down
2. social networking sites have discussion groups devoted to planning terrorist attacks
#1201 Tell Me Sweet Little Lies
1. polygraphs are relegated to the dungeon exhibit in castle museums
#1203 The Fandom Menace
1. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ novella fans become unusually flustered when thinking about @@LEADER@@
#1204 Homecoming Queen
1. the Violetist community celebrates bombshells being dropped on @@NAME@@
#1208 Just Snoring With Excitement
2. students consistently complain that the wi-fi ate their homework
#1214 Blood Type: Gay Positive
3. there's nothing more gay than bleeding for your nation
#1215 A New Age
1. you're only as old as you feel
#1217 Monkey Business
1. it can be a real jungle in a modern courtroom
#1219 Vat Is a Serious Problem
4. teen gangs are encouraged to take drugs
#1228 The Road to Hell
3. only the fast and the furious are brave enough to drive
#1229 Crystal Clear Sinuses
3. decongestants have replaced @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ in street transactions
#1236 Being Honest
2. the Messiah (formerly known as Brian) is a mayoral candidate
#1239 The Walking, Talking, and Irritated Dead
3. being dead no longer has any benefits
#1242 Jump Leads
4. it's often raining men (hallelujah) in @@CAPITAL@@
#1245 Sheepish Students
2. bemused schoolkids colour in their favourite quadratic equations with crayons
#1251 The Making of a Mass Murderer
3. the government is more interested in identifying problems than fixing them
#1255 This Lady's Not for Turning
1. the daily weather forecast often predicts light showers of debris
#1260 Gay Abandoned
1. armed war-criminals gain asylum if deemed 'fabulous' enough
3. a traveller who once stubbed a toe on an Air Brancaland flight has been offered asylum
#1266 Pink Is the New Orange
1. the @@CAPITAL@@ Women's Prison Choir now has a baritone section
2. sometimes a whole prison wing will house a single prisoner
4. transgender and agender are on the education agenda
#1268 Don't Sweat It
3. passengers often cause a stink on public transport
#1270 I'll Be Watching You
2. sales of trenchcoats are on the rise
#1273 Lessons in Politics
2. a degree in @@LEADER@@ Science with a Minor in Awesomeology starts many political careers
#1277 Outside the Box
1. beating enemies to death with a baseball bat is legal if done within nine innings
#1280 The Amazing, but Illegal, Spiderman
3. immigrants who carry knives on them are presumed to be chefs
#1287 Children of the Magna Carta
1. a bill to outlaw math homework has been submitted
4. politicians spend a lot of time hanging around kids' playgrounds
#1289 Cramping Our Style
1. things are looking up for patients accidentally prescribed erectile dysfunction medication
#1293 Bet Your Life
3. grinning punters say that casino roulette is the greatest high that life has to offer
#1294 Silence in Court
2. court cases mostly involve lawyers shouting questions at witnesses giving silent shrugs
#1295 Show Trial
2. courtrooms can be a little sketchy
#1296 Once Upon a Time
2. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ football team for the Maxxmas ceasefire consists only of Intelligence Corps personnel
#1297 What Are You Hiding in Your Genes?
3. citizens' names are redacted on their IDs for national security
#1305 The Woman From AUNT
4. the price of freedom is about half a million @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@
#1312 Cranmer vs Cranmer
1. parents seeking custody have to write a five-thousand word analysis of their child's imaginary friend
4. pedal-powered removal vans are a popular Maxxmas gift for the children of separated parents
#1318 Blitzed
7. skyscrapers get built in just days
#1321 Who Wants to Know a Millionaire?
1. rumor has it that @@LEADER@@ has won three lotteries in a row
#1333 Married With Benefits?
1. recognizing the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ flag qualifies you for citizenship
2. recognizing the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ flag qualifies you for citizenship
#1334 Withdrawing Diplomatic Relations
3. homesickness is thought to be a waterborne illness
4. homesickness is thought to be a waterborne illness
#1337 Waste Not Want Not
1. the needs of the living outweigh the needs of the dead
#1345 To Each According to Whatever's Left
3. glossy adverts featuring baby's first puff adorn mothers' magazines
4. adverts urge @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ to "reach for a ciggy instead of your supper"
#1346 The Problem With Peyote
2. party-lovers often change religions just for the weekend
#1354 The One-Trick Pony
4. all animals are equal but some are more equal than others
#1361 Fundamental Rights
1. parents dread their examinations more than their children
#1370 All Systems Post-Nominal
1. a PhD just ain't what it used to be
#1372 Balls to All That
4. shirts-versus-skins games are now skins-versus-skins games
#1417 Nun on the Run
3. citizens ask "how many crooks could a nunchuck hook if a nun had nunchucks too?"
#1425 @@LEADER@@'s New Clothes
5. ministers browse Alright! magazine for fashion tips
#1431 Just Deserts for Desertion?
3. criminal convictions are routinely thrown out because the accused's grandmother didn't get to testify about their good character
#1444 Trouble in Deed
3. new homeowners go furniture hunting with crowbars
#1455 Trademarks Make Their Mark on Marketing
2. companies have begun running campaigns to stop people from remembering their brand name
#1457 Use the Farce, @@LEADER@@
2. government statisticians explain census inaccuracies by declaring that "Sith happens"
6. for some reason the census focuses on daily banana ingestion and hourly quip rate
#1462 Glory Kill
1. soldiers stream their classified military operations live for millions of fans
3. the nation's "surprisingly chill" military is renowned for its horrendous war crimes
#1467 Gay Men Held by Police
5. war is made in the name of love
#1473 A Pretty Pass
1. political commentators say that @@LEADER@@'s fruitcake plans are about to go pear-shaped
2. the government has to take out its Visa to eliminate visas
#1481 Livin' on a Prayer
2. all you have to do is pray to get into @@NAME@@
#1483 The Unkindest Cut
4. the government puts forth the claim that harming young girls is wrong
#1484 Joint Trade Agreement
3. the nation is going green
#1486 Ask Your Doctor if Ads for Prescription Drugs Are Right for @@NAME@@
1. the hit new medical TV show "Home" prominently features the brand of painkiller the lead doctor is addicted to
#1497 Double Trouble
1. reflection is vital for badly behaved politicians
#1499 Chasing the Pixelated Dragon
1. intoxicated AI mobile platforms are sometimes seen crashing through windows instead of being crashed by them
#1505 A Tangled Web
3. citizens have to identify all the polar bears in a blizzard photo in order to access their bank account
#1510 Devolution Devolves Into Disaster?
4. meteorologists warn of fog just past 4pm daily
#1516 Content Discontent
3. belief that @@LEADER@@ is a lizard-person from outer space has reached an all-time high

Removed by:

#19 @@NAME@@ Awash With Red-Rimmed Eyes
1. marijuana is legal in the privacy of your own home
#59 Drunk Driving on the Rise
3. all alcohol is banned
#107 Private Lab Holds @@NAME@@'s Sick to Ransom
3. the religious lobby has the power of veto over health initiatives
#116 Soda Sales Hits New 'High'
2. drug distribution is tightly controlled by the government
#139 Drug Debate Hits the Streets
2. the police have reaffirmed their tough stance on drugs
#185 "Bring Back Our Booze!" Cry Revellers
2. the police are tightening their grip on alcohol smugglers
#227 Underage Drinkers: Social Menace or Misunderstood?
7. ravers are having trouble getting used to blackcurrant squash instead of vodka
#237 Tourists on Death Row
3. drug-related crimes carry the death penalty
#284 Drug Legality Run Amok
1. the government has begun selling heroin and ecstasy to help fund its projects
3. the government has begun a crusade against drugs
4. politicians debate whether caffeine is too addictive for the public
#434 Fraternity Furor
4. moonshine and organized crime are on the rise ever since alcohol was banned
#565 'A' Is for Academic Doping
1. popular cartoon characters frequently appear in government-sponsored PSAs reminding students to say no to drugs
2. summer science camps are regularly raided by narcotics police
#588 Last Call for Alcohol?
1. former bars are desperately trying to re-brand themselves as cafés
2. moonshine has made a resurgence
#609 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@, Drugs, and Rock'n'Roll
2. denied drugs and entertainment the nation's youth are taking to petty crime to alleviate their boredom
3. the sanitised and dull music festivals of @@NAME@@ are famed for their reasonable volume levels
#730 It's Legal Now!
3. chests full of green leaves dumped into the harbor have many murmuring against the government
#1016 Breaking Upset
1. dealers go from pushing drugs to pushing up daisies
2. dealers go from pushing drugs to pushing up daisies
#1108 A Whiskey Rebellion Brewing
6. hospitals scramble for new disinfectants following a ban on rubbing alcohol
#1115 One in the Arm for @@LEADER@@?
3. acupuncture is routinely prescribed for intravenous drug addicts
#1229 Crystal Clear Sinuses
2. the most common doctor's prescription is "get out of my consulting room"
#1418 The High Life
4. heavily stoned police officers are unsure whether the recent directive to 'clean up the streets' means arresting drug dealers or hosing down the sidewalk
#1499 Chasing the Pixelated Dragon
3. citizens have to stick a fork into an electrical outlet to get a buzz

Sometimes removed by:

#1 Where's the Love Gone?
1. divorce is illegal
2. married couples must call each other "darling" or risk a fine
#2 Reclaim the Streets!
1. cars are banned
#3 Harry Potter Censorship Row
1. Harry Potter books are banned
#7 Animal Liberation Front Strikes Again
1. Animal Liberationists are regularly arrested
3. vegetarianism is compulsory
#8 Nudists Demand Time in Sun
3. nudity is frowned upon
#9 @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ on the Dinner Table?
3. the @@ANIMAL@@ is a protected species
#11 People Request Not So Much Dictatorship, if That's All Right
1. political activists are routinely executed
#12 Death Penalty on Agenda
1. the death penalty has been reintroduced
#13 Too Much Yakking, Already, Say Delegation
1. the right to free speech is being drastically curtailed
3. it is a crime to offend someone's religious beliefs
#15 More Police Needed
3. thieves are flogged in public for their crimes
#20 Gunman Kills Three
1. kids are arrested at gunpoint for playing with toy rifles
2. the nation is completely gun-free
#21 Police Consider "Big Brother" Anti-Crime System
2. all major public areas are watched by police surveillance cameras
3. citizens are barcoded to keep track of their movements
#22 Nazi Sympathizers Plan Rally
1. it is illegal to make racist remarks in public
#24 Budget Time: Accountants Excited
1. a large-scale revitalization of the education system is underway
#26 Compulsory Organ Harvesting Proposed
1. organ donation is compulsory
#27 Cash for Colons?
2. organ donation rates have hit a new low
#28 Cancer Sufferer Demands Euthanasia Bill
2. euthanasia is illegal
3. euthanasia is illegal
#29 Minorities Demand Representation in TV Soaps
1. TV shows must meet strict ethnicity quotas
2. the government awards prizes to television shows featuring stereotype-breaking minority roles
#32 One Wife Is Never Enough, Say Polygamists
2. the institution of marriage is held sacred and strictly enforced
3. the institution of marriage is held sacred and strictly enforced
#34 Don't Puff on Me, Say Non-Smokers
1. smoking is banned in public areas
2. an underground movement of cigarette smokers has sprung up in response to a government ban
#35 Refugees Want to Call @@NAME@@ Home
3. shanty towns are forming in the suburbs of major cities
#37 Traffic Cops Needed on Information Superhighway?
1. the government snoops on private internet connections
#38 @@NAME@@ Looks to the Stars
3. religious classes are compulsory for all school students
#42 Turn Down That Racket, Say Morality Police
1. radio stations are forbidden to play anything with too much drum or bass
3. angst-filled teenagers are rushing off to buy government bonds for some odd reason
#43 Prisoners Demand Elbow Room
3. citizens are frequently held up at gunpoint by their local pizza delivery boys
#44 No Pain, No Gain!
1. torture is commonly used to extract information from suspected criminals
3. people regularly disappear off the streets and all evidence of them is destroyed
#46 Jennifer Government Censorship Row
1. Jennifer Government is banned
#47 The Great Wall of @@NAME@@?
1. a large concrete wall is being built around the country's borders
3. the controversial show 'Who Wants to be an Immigrant?' has become wildly popular
#50 Whips, Chains, and Leather, Oh My!
3. midnight raids drag couples from their homes in the name of decency
#52 Is It Art or Is It Porn?
1. artists regularly face criminal charges and art-burning parties are common
2. all artwork is carefully screened for offensive material
#55 Bigtopian Protesters Cry for Full Integration
1. government police forces protect public schools from the threat of protest
3. members of majority races are forced out of their homes to make way for Bigtopians
#56 "Give Us Money!" Quoth the Poet
3. poets and writers are regularly rounded up and shot for entertainment
#57 Electronic Plague in @@NAME@@!
1. citizens must have a license to operate a computer
#58 Violent Violetists Demand Blood!
1. homeless people are periodically found dead upon altars to assorted deities
2. "The Daily Sacrifice" is a routine segment of morning news shows
3. a crusade against barbaric religious practices has begun
4. the government pours millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ into rehabilitation programs annually
#59 Drunk Driving on the Rise
2. drunk drivers are sentenced to death
#60 Supreme Court Nomination
3. the judicial system legislates morality
4. the judicial system legislates morality
6. @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ have more rights than the average citizen
7. the government has become increasingly militant
#61 Should the Government Grant Estates and Titles of Nobility?
1. society and government have been organized according to a feudal hierarchy
#62 Oh, the Angst!
1. citizens are encouraged to report friends, family members or co-workers who seem depressed to the government for "counselling"
#64 Put the "Board" Back in Board of Education
1. teachers regularly paddle unruly students
4. teachers label difficult children as "somebody else's problem" before expelling them
#65 Should Martial Law Be Declared?
2. martial law has been declared and the populace is kept under tight control
#66 Transgender Recognition Demanded
2. people talk about things being better when men were men
3. women wearing male lounge-wear are quizzed for hours by mental health practitioners
#72 Widening Buttocks Cause Movie Theater Havoc
1. citizens rise at daybreak every day for mandatory exercise
#73 @@NAME@@ - Without Cars, Going Nowhere Fast
4. anti-environmentalist dissidents must beware of government plants in their midst
#75 Cutting Off Sex Offenders?
1. sex offenders find themselves cut off from the ability to repeat their crimes
4. convicted felons are forced into slavery for their crimes
5. convicted felons are forced into slavery for their crimes
#84 Compulsory Gun Ownership?
1. gun ownership is compulsory
3. all guns must be registered
#85 Illegal File-Sharing Flares
1. a cyber-war between file sharers and the music industry formats hard drives across the country
#87 Burn! Burn Everything!
3. people caught mistreating @@NAME@@'s flag generally wind up in a great deal of pain
#88 Cannibals Demand to Taste What @@NAME@@ Has to Offer
3. there has been a series of riots between local cannibals and health food advocates
#91 Sacramental Tax Time?
1. religious organizations are being forced to leave the country or pay income taxes like everybody else
2. religious organizations are being forced to leave the country or pay income taxes like everybody else
#94 Computer Users Fed Up With Heaps of Spam!
4. the government is making attempts at curtailing the flood of spam emails with little progress
#98 Police Want More Than Shiny Badge
2. citizens are regularly shot for parking on the double-yellow line
3. the streets are plagued with knife-wielding madmen
#99 We Need Cash, Sharpish, Say Librarians
3. all writing must pass a censorship board before being allowed on the shelves
#101 Tiara Sign of Oppression, Declare Feminists
2. women who display their ankles are shunned by society
3. women who display their ankles are shunned by society
#102 For Whom the Road Tolls
1. motorists must pay to enter inner-cities during peak hours
3. cars have been banned
#104 Public Loudspeakers Shrill With Controversy
2. citizens are bombarded with advertising from their compulsory miniature radios
#110 Too Low on Laws, Say Citizens
1. the army is returning some law and order to the streets
#111 Southern @@NAME@@ Demands Semi-Autonomy
3. protesters against the government are hanged as a warning to others
#112 Put the Phone Down on Cold Calling?
2. door-to-door salesmen are frequently beaten up by 'vigilantes'
#115 @@NAME@@'s Schoolchildren Not Learning the Lingua Franca
1. citizens are expected to be proficient in at least five languages
#118 Need for Speed?
2. the average commuter spends four hours a day driving to and from work
3. motorists' locations are constantly tracked by intelligence and law enforcement agencies
#119 Watershed Down?
2. Rupert Bear is considered to be the most risqué TV programme in @@NAME@@
#121 A Uniform Plan for @@NAME@@'s Students?
1. school uniforms are compulsory
#123 Now, Vat's Food for Thought
6. citizens are grown in vats
#124 To Paint or Not to Paint?
1. the studies of art and philosophy are banned
3. only the brainiest citizens become academics
#127 Aging Concerns in @@NAME@@
1. retiring citizens are dragged away in the middle of the night by mysterious men in black suits
#128 Ban the Burka?
1. students and teachers are regularly stopped and searched for symbols of religious affiliation before class
3. government officials raid public buildings to remove all mention of G*d or r******n
#129 Tribal Troubles
4. native tribes have been driven to extinction by hunting
#131 Raise Duel Standards, Say Fencers
2. arbitration is mightier than the sword
#136 Much Ado About Abortion
2. abortion is only legal in unusual circumstances
4. families are only permitted to have one child
#137 Arms Industry Demands Respect
1. the arms industry is backed by government subsidies and harsh anti-protest laws are in place
2. the arms industry has been shut down in a surge of pacifism
#146 Evolution: Truth or Witchcraft?
1. it is mandatory to learn evolution in schools
2. the teaching of evolution has been banned
#147 Military Budgets Up for Approval
5. military service is compulsory
#150 Bug 'Em All, Say Police
1. phone taps are frequently carried out by the police
#154 Ban the 'Boards, Say Pedestrians
2. skateparks can be found in every city
3. skateboarding is the only legal way to travel
#155 Curfew Meets Minor Opposition
1. teenagers are severely punished for being out too late
#157 Sergeants Are Too Nasty, Say New Recruits
4. newborns are being raised as mindless killing machines
#158 Regarding Robbers' Rights
2. burglary is widely regarded as the national sport
3. trespassers often find themselves impaled by crossbow bolts
#159 Think Tank Proposes Privatised Prisons
1. hundreds of thousands of convicts work as slaves in @@NAME@@'s many privately-owned prisons
3. criminals are executed and their property seized
#160 Truancy on the Rise
1. high school principals regularly send armed truancy patrols to drag problem students to school
#164 Licence to Breed?
1. citizens wishing to be parents must undertake a series of gruelling tests to evaluate their capabilities
#167 Fluoride Controversy a Toothy Problem
1. the people are famous throughout the region for their perfect yellow teeth
#171 Kids and Criminality: Whose Responsibility?
1. eight-year-olds with lemonade stands have been known to be locked up on charges of embezzlement
#175 Is @@NAME@@ Too Promiscuous?
1. adultery has been made a capital offence
2. those found guilty of illicit affairs are jailed
#176 History a Mystery to Most of @@NAME@@
1. historical fiction has been banned
2. it is widely believed that the first citizen of @@NAME@@ was called 'Wild-eyed Daddy-O'
#178 Free Press Too Free?
1. reporters often lose their jobs over fact-checking errors
3. all news sources are under strict government control
#180 Mobile Maladies
2. crowded passenger trains are near-silent save for the soft tap of fingers on touchscreens
3. crowded passenger trains are near-silent save for the soft tap of fingers on touchscreens
4. children have taken to using semaphore in light of the recent mobile phone ban
#181 Radio Rebels Ruffle Government
2. a spate of enforced closures has left 'Government FM' as the nation's only radio station
3. @@NAME@@'s airwaves are dominated by corporate-backed commercial radio
4. every citizen is allowed exactly fifteen minutes of fame
#183 Buy a Better Baby?
5. @@NAME@@'s army is full of two-metre tall super-soldiers
#184 Compulsory Military Service Under Attack
2. children as young as twelve are conscripted into the armed forces
#188 Video Games Too Violent, Say Parents
1. Tetris has been banned for its graphic violent content
3. only adults may purchase violent video games
#190 Immigrants Import Homeland Rivalries
1. immigrant Maxtopians are routinely sold on popular internet auction sites
#191 Blood Banks Running Dry
1. citizens are forced to donate blood once every three months
2. blood donations have been banned because of the risk of eternal unrest
4. jails have become colloquially known as 'vampire houses'
#192 Coup d'Etat in @@NAME@@!
2. the military has quashed a recent coup attempt
#193 Robots Leaving Workers Jobless
3. manual labourers must be willing to have cybernetic limbs to get a job
4. the loom represents the height of @@NAME@@'s technology
#195 Right of Way or Wrong of Way?
2. large areas of @@NAME@@ are not accessible by the public
3. all footpaths have tollbooths
#196 Violent Violetists Protest Artists
1. government-sponsored gallows are being erected by Violetist temples
3. the government is interviewing for thousands of 'Religious Censor' positions
5. people of faith are sent to twelve-step programs for 'The Cure'
#198 Not All Those Who Wander Are Paying
1. travellers are often forcibly evicted by torch-bearing mobs
2. traveller camps regularly block five-lane superhighways
4. homes have been banned from having any more than one wheel
#200 Birds, Bees, and Breeding Teens
3. boys are forced to pair off for the school disco slow dance as the girls are all staying at home
4. boys are forced to pair off for the school disco slow dance as the girls are all staying at home
6. soldiers have a preference for fire-and-forget payloads
7. young girls often attend the same schools as their children
#207 Secret Police in @@NAME@@?
1. rumours have it that a secret police is responsible for the recent spate of missing persons
3. the police force is rumoured to be made up of evil shadows with no souls
#211 Unconventional Weapons Under Fire
1. Red Cross demand for body bags is rising while sutures go unused
#212 Police Wanting Help With Their Inquiries
1. crime suspects are forced to submit to blood testing
3. every citizen must submit to DNA testing to be eliminated from police inquiries
#218 Two Mommies One Too Many?
2. child adoption by homosexual couples has been outlawed
3. homosexuality is a crime punishable by death
#219 Nobody Expects the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Inquisition!
1. the Holy Office of the Inquisition is the highest court in the land
3. atheists and evolutionary biologists are fleeing the country like rats from a sinking ship
#222 Terrorists Strike City Centre
2. everyone suspects that everyone else is a terrorist
3. customs turn away those considered to have an unfavourable ethnicity
#224 Minimum Wage War
4. the workforce is almost entirely made up of slave labour
#225 Prayer in Public Schools?
1. students who refuse to pray are expelled from school
#226 Expats Plea for Help in War-Torn Country
4. the world outside is only known of in folklore
#227 Underage Drinkers: Social Menace or Misunderstood?
1. underage drinkers are dragged through the streets and put in the stocks
2. the government jails the parents of underage drinkers
3. the parents of underage drinkers are lectured on the evils of hard liquor
#230 Extremists on the Ballot Sheet
2. most governmental positions are filled by zealous nationalists
#231 Jungle Fever
3. swamplands and bogs have been put under quarantine
#236 Quickie Marriages Under Scrutiny
1. the breathalyser pledge is a traditional part of marriages in @@NAME@@
3. spousal homicide rates have tripled in recent months
#238 We Need a Few Good Men Who Like Men?
3. half-naked men feature prominently in official military materials
#239 We Who Are About to Die Would Rather Go Home
2. badminton was recently banned due to 'unacceptable violence' inherent to the game
3. criminals are thrown to the @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ to repay their debt to society
#240 Plea Bargains: Tipping the Scales of Justice?
1. charged suspects often have to wait years before the courts have room to judge their trial
3. the right to a fair trial was recently abolished for reasons of convenience
#243 A Question of Faith
1. @@FAITH@@ has been named as @@NAME@@'s national religion
4. open-heart surgery is taught in seminaries
5. @@LEADER@@ is the self-declared God of all @@NAME@@
#245 Clash of Cultures
1. immigrants are required to salute the flag five times a day
3. religious figures have been banned from public holidays to make them more multicultural
4. all citizens must pass a 'multicultural sensitivity test' to be deemed fit for society
5. property values in suburbs have nosedived after the middle class were forced to live next door to ethnic minorities
6. the word 'foreigner' is considered a highly vulgar expletive
#246 @@NAME@@ to Hold the Olympic Torch?
4. chess hooliganism is on the rise after the banning of organised sports
#248 The Sky Is Falling
1. frequent fliers are obliged to submit to invasive security procedures by government security
5. aeroplanes have been converted into housing units after all air travel was outlawed
#251 The Trouble With Hobos
3. homeless people are frequently charged with trespassing on public property
4. citizens who become homeless are immediately executed
#252 Great Balls of Fire!
2. the government has adopted a "Lightning Never Strikes Twice" approach to dealing with natural disasters
#253 How Much Democracy Is Too Much?
2. all judiciary cases are decided in the court of public opinion
#258 What's in a Name?
1. parents must choose their children's names from a government-mandated master list
3. all citizens are solely referenced by their allocated identity number
#262 Sticks and Stones
1. a fashion designer has been arrested for inciting hatred after claiming redheads couldn't pull off vermillion
#264 Not a Drop to Drink
1. fewer people are bathing as citizens must show ration stamps before they can turn on their faucets
#268 Don't Want Your Kid Anymore? Good News!
1. orphanages are closing their doors as the government forces parents to actually raise their children
2. orphanages are closing their doors as the government forces parents to actually raise their children
4. toddlers are wielding machine guns in the name of national defense
#269 Stop the Presses!
3. daily newspapers are permitted to run only pro-government stories
#273 Is Our Children Learning?
3. the state believes that children are what you make of them
4. the state believes that children are what you make of them
#274 Brotherly Love - a Bit Too Close to Home?
2. family bonding sessions are considered immoral and are banned
3. annulments are on the rise as couples discover their ancestors were born in the same hospitals
4. divorce lawyers are found begging on the streets
6. citizens may not "love, honor and obey" anyone except the State
#275 Wiki Worries
2. popular websites like NationStates are blocked for "national security"
3. the Ministry of Truthiness now manages the entire media industry
#277 Say Cheese!
1. photographers can be found hiding behind the curtains in @@LEADER@@'s bedroom
2. photographers have to apply for a license to photograph @@LEADER@@
3. the secret service is working overtime to find anyone publishing unauthorized material about @@LEADER@@
#290 Wheels of Misfortune
4. heavy industry grinds to a halt as new equipment must be biked in
#297 Intersex Athletes Demand Level Playing Field
4. hairdressers are among those who have disappeared overnight
#299 Some Like It Hot; Others Don't
4. the state has declared war on the environment and environmentalists by association
#302 Delivering Mayhem in Thirty Minutes or Less!
1. many feel that the government's ban on cars to combat reckless driving was "a tad excessive"
4. legions of police officers force people to move into massive urban apartments
5. legions of police officers force people to move into massive urban apartments
#305 Who's Occupying What?
1. former school buses now regularly shuttle kids to the nearest shopping centers to work
2. millions of devastated 7-year-olds are denied astronaut and ballerina training
#313 Conscientious Objectors Want You... To Let Them Abstain
2. conscientious objectors are hanged as traitors
#316 Fortified Against Crime
3. the poor are quarantined in the inner cities to prevent criminals from entering the suburbs
#317 Big Brother Is Watching You Surf
1. government popup ads are springing up like weeds
#318 Death Penalty on Death Row?
5. innocent people are routinely stoned to death by frenzied lynch mobs
#321 Cowboys and... Aliens?
2. immigrant herding has become a national pastime
#323 Get Teens Out of MyFace?
1. it is now illegal for teens to view any sites except Club Kitten and My Little Donkey
#326 Knitters in a Knot Over Police Stitch Up
1. families consisting of more than three people are forced to split up
3. knitting needles have been banned in the name of public safety
#328 Bugged by Lack of Intelligence
1. all telephone traffic is monitored for 'national security reasons'
#329 Military Uniforms Under Scrutiny
2. the nation's soldiers are considered the best-dressed in @@REGION@@
#333 No Sacrifice, No Sacrifice at All
1. churches across the land are hurriedly installing auto-tune for their choirs
2. churches across the land are hurriedly installing auto-tune for their choirs
4. citizens are required to report any and all incidents of prayer to their local Religious Affairs Officer
5. there are major delays at immigration checkpoints as travellers are forced to prove they belong to @@FAITH@@
6. any reference to a higher being is punished with public shaming
#336 Polygamy Causes Division
2. a flood of mandatory divorces burden the courts
#338 The Silence and the Fury
1. noises louder than a whisper have been prohibited by law
#341 Where in the Woods Is Cindy SanFrancisco?
3. fearful citizens watch their every move as does their government
4. fearful citizens watch their every move as does their government
#343 Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?
3. mandatory electronic currency is a boon for credit card companies and government surveillance
#344 Trash Talk
2. daisy chain gangs plant flowers and pick up litter
#347 Crime Problems Ganging Up on @@NAME@@
1. rap artists are regularly arrested for promoting extremist groups
3. street gangs rule most of the nation's major cities
#348 I Want a Lawyer
3. every street in the nation contains at least three law firms
#349 Bigtopian Bigwigs Beset Border
1. foreigners with shady pasts are fleeing the country
#351 The Cost of Freedom
3. violent criminals are doomed to be hunted by a psychotic billionaire
#354 Subversive Shortwaves
3. the government is suspected of mass disappearing dissidents both at home and abroad
#358 Not Another Teen Pregnancy
1. 'Abstinence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder' is a common school motto
4. the youth of today are literally shaped by big business
#359 Got Democracy?
5. chemically brainwashed citizens praise @@LEADER@@'s name on an hourly basis
#360 Electile Dysfunction
3. coalition governments are essential to passing new laws
#364 It's UterUs, Not UterYou!
2. churches frequently hold public 'contraception burnings'
3. underground copulation clubs have sprung up in major cities
#365 A Busload of Worry
1. children as young as six shock their parents by coming out of the closet
4. @@CAPITAL@@ spends billions upgrading public transport
#366 Prosecute Stolen Valour, Says Military
1. fancy dress parties are raided by military police for new recruits
#368 Female Workers Feeling the Pinch
2. women wear burqas to avoid unwanted male attention
3. women are kept out of work but at least dinner is served on time
4. harassment has been stamped out under the high-heeled jackboots of a matriarchy
#374 Lion Dad Sparks Child-Rearing Sentiment
1. helicopter parenting is on the rise
4. society has literally been thrown to the wolves
#379 Stakes on a Plane
1. homeowners are evicted to make way for new runways
#381 Mamma @@NAME@@, Let Me Go
2. tantrum-throwing toddlers are regularly imprisoned on assault charges
3. churches now double as dungeons
#382 The Appropriate Amount of Appropriation
4. immigrants are asked to leave their cultural traditions and pride at the border
#410 12 Angry, Tired, and Increasingly Confused Men
1. extraordinary tribunals try accused financial criminals
2. judges are all-powerful
#411 Outed Teacher Ousted
1. the letters L, G, and B must never be grouped together
3. prudishness is on the way out
#413 A Shot in the Arm
2. vaccinations are mandatory
3. parents who refuse to vaccinate their children are given a short jail sentence
4. science centers and state of the art laboratories are ubiquitous
#423 Returning Holy Warriors Cause Trouble
1. returning tourists and businessmen are detained without trial if they belong to the "wrong" religion
#424 You Just Sank My Battleship!
3. countless government officials are accused of espionage
#426 Women in Uniform Under Fire
1. the military has declared that 'a woman's place is in the mess hall'
3. women are ordered home to reproduce for the glory of the @@TYPE@@
4. video clips of women firing guns are increasingly popular
#428 Crop Circles Clutter @@CAPITAL@@
3. it is a crime to operate a combine harvester while intoxicated
#431 Gone a Stray!
1. shelters struggle to keep up with the endless intake of stray animals
#434 Fraternity Furor
2. public intoxication has decreased ever since fraternities were banned
#438 Judicial Review on Trial
1. copies of the constitution are used as toilet paper
#440 Jumping the Sharknado
1. cinemas play art-house movies to ever-shrinking audiences as film critics rule the industry
#442 You Can't Always Get What You Squat
1. homeless people can be found sleeping on streets in front of unoccupied second homes
#446 In the Land of Milk and Money?
4. prohibition has allowed a Maxtopian immigrant known only as "Nipples" to establish an illicit breast milk syndicate
#448 It Takes a Village
2. parents who fail mandatory parenting classes risk having their children taken away
5. the only position a woman can hold is baby-maker
#452 Foetal Furore
4. preachers and little old ladies disappear from their homes at night and are never heard from again
#455 Police on Overkill Mode?
4. the nation is under martial law
#456 Heads Will Roll
1. biker gangs and fashionistas are converting to Violetism en masse
4. motorcycle riders are required to wear so much gear they've been nicknamed "Stay Pufts"
5. hairdressers are forced to use all the tricks of the trade after citizens became required to wear helmets at all times
6. hairdressers are forced to use all the tricks of the trade after citizens became required to wear helmets at all times
#458 Bigtopian Lives Matter
3. officer recruitment and police brutality have reached an all-time high
#464 The @@ANIMAL@@ Republic Shall Rise Again?
3. being impolite in public is punishable by heavy fines
#467 Saving Your Own Foreskin
1. back-alley circumcision clinics are popping up all over the nation
3. teenagers performing appendectomies on their friends has become a popular schoolyard prank
4. getting a haircut is a punishable offence
#477 Feeding Frenzy
3. meals are now followed by thirty minutes of mandatory exercise
#486 An Impressing Dilemma
1. confused drunks wake up to irate drill sergeants whipping them into shape
5. new vat-grown soldiers are as replaceable as bullets
#487 Masks of Shame
3. public shaming is the bedrock of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ society
#488 Bright Orange Is the New Black
1. gun regulations are so strict even staple guns and hot glue guns are illegal
2. gun regulations are so strict even staple guns and hot glue guns are illegal
#489 Standing at Attention
1. the army insists there is nothing gay about men in uniforms rolling in the mud
#491 Friends, @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@, Countrymen, Lend Me Your Ears
1. people who have lived their entire lives in @@NAME@@ are shocked to discover that they are not citizens
3. the citizenship exam requires years of study to actually pass
#493 Suspicious Superhuman Athletes?
1. invasive drug testing is now performed at elementary school sports days
4. many @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ struggle to find outlets for their pent-up competitive juices
#494 Whipping Up a Controversy
2. jaywalking is punishable by public flogging
#495 Beloved "Planet" Has Gone to the Dogs
1. academics are questioning the quality of the nation's newly-reprinted science textbooks
#496 Rock 'n' Roll Suicide
2. attempted suicide is punishable by public hanging
#500 Please Don't Feed the (Copyright) Trolls
1. Merry Birthday is a popular protest song despite the risk of fines and royalty dues
#501 Munchkins in Makeup
1. school plays were recently banned due to concerns of child endangerment
#504 Short Shorts Too Short?
1. high school boys are required to pass vigorous self-mastery and sensitivity training to graduate
2. teenage girls in knee-length surfer shorts have become a cultural icon of @@NAME@@
3. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ schoolgirl uniforms have become alarmingly popular outside @@NAME@@
#508 Ex-Cons Robbed of Future
3. many aides in @@LEADER@@'s office are known to be serial jaywalkers
#510 Possession, Protection or Poppycock?
1. tie-dye has been outlawed for being 'too occult'
2. children fear compulsory visits to their spiritual advisors more than the dentist
3. turning eighteen is often referred to as the 'Age of Aquarius'
#511 Dogman Deconstructed
2. arms manufacturers and mild-mannered journalists have been outed as superheroes
#520 Preach With Me if You Want to Live
1. the last thing @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ soldiers hear before charging into battle is a preacher trying to convert them
#522 Time to Get Serious
2. maintaining economic growth is no laughing matter
4. smiling in public is seen as criminally suspicious behaviour
#523 A Family Affair
2. troublemakers just happen to be reassigned to distant mining operations
3. government-sanctioned speed mating is rife with Party-sanctioned abuse of power
#526 Any Idea Where the Law Is, Bessie?
1. rural citizens live in terror of their local village constable
3. illegal moonshine operations get taken out with laser-guided airstrikes
#528 Privacy Concerns Reaching New Heights
3. citizens have to dodge their neighbors' drones while getting the morning paper
5. police drones follow every suspected Peeping Tom
#530 Regenerative Permaculture Emergence
2. possession of tomato seeds with intent to garden is a criminal offence
3. possession of tomato seeds with intent to garden is a criminal offence
#532 Desert Island Risks
1. the tax agency is feared more than serial killers and terrorists
#533 Hearsay Heresy
1. old folks reminisce about the last time someone was acquitted of a crime
3. the strong are acquitted and the weak are trampled in trial by @@A@@ @@ANIMAL@@
#536 Any Witch Way Spells Disaster
1. women who can do math in their head are burned for witchcraft
2. bands of adventurers rove the countryside searching for monsters
#538 @@LEADER@@, Let Your People Go!
3. debates on whether toilet seats should be left up or down are increasingly commonplace
#540 Shh! Spoilers!
4. drive-by spoilers are an increasingly common crime
#543 Flash, Aaaaaargh!
1. adult magazines are having a sales resurgence as internet anonymity disappears
3. sullen teenagers in bright orange 'community payback' onesies can be seen picking litter at the roadside
4. oddly patriotic flash mobs spontaneously sing the national anthem
#544 Object-Oriented Programming
1. videogames like 'Equalia: Knights of Self-Confidence' are proving inexplicably unpopular
4. children play ring-around-the-rosey around bonfires of videogame cartridges
#548 Appointment of a Science Advisor
4. science labs across the country languish in cobwebs as the government turns its attentions to spiritual matters
#549 Feasting or Fasting?
1. hundreds of teenagers die every year at the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Hungry Games
#550 10 Awful Crimes You Just Won't Believe!
2. church and state are inseparable in their influence on education
3. educators and parents alike are allowing children to view the internet again after violent videos were purged
4. social media sites go into shutdown for days at a time to censor user content
#551 The Big Fat @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Wedding
3. @@LEADER@@'s relatives have been married into the royal families of foreign nations against their will
#552 Must Be a Full Moon
1. weird or unusual crimes merit cruel and unusual punishments
2. weird or unusual crimes merit cruel and unusual punishments
#556 Here Be Dragons?
2. all fantasy fiction has officially been deemed non-canon
4. government ministers claim to ride dragons to work
#558 Turning a Blind Eye?
2. blind dates tend to result in bruised shins
#561 Plug in and Play
4. Hide and Seek with Cuddle Bear is the most popular video game in the nation
#566 Drive My Car
1. the police double as repo men
#567 Syntax Destruction
1. government reports are now used to teach toddlers to read
#571 Family Feud
2. entire families swing in the wind at the national gallows
3. entire families are dragged into counseling whenever children fight on a playground
4. unruly families are deliberately marooned on desert islands
#572 Reading, Your Rights
3. modern readers say a story is worthless without hyperlinked footnotes and editable wiki format
#573 The Road to Blackacre Ends Here?
1. the nation turns a blind eye to human rights abuses in its quest for athletic supremacy
#575 Sick Days for Sick Waves
1. victims of limb-mauling industrial accidents are told to keep working with their remaining hand
2. victims of limb-mauling industrial accidents are told to keep working with their remaining hand
#580 @@NAME@@ Taking Leave of Its Census?
2. no personal detail is too tiny for the suede-denim census police
3. the suicide rate mysteriously skyrockets during census years
#582 Augmented Reality Check
1. careless Maxémon Trainers have been the cause of numerous search and rescue operations
#583 Don't Be a Busk-Kill
1. the @@CAPITAL@@ Prison Revue puts on a better stage show than anything in the Theatre District
5. contestants on @@NAME@@'s Got Talent are screened by the government to make sure that they actually have talent
#584 The Cake Is a Lie
1. the people consider response to rudeness to be an acceptable casus belli
#586 School's in for Summer?
3. all work and no play has rendered the nation's children somewhat intelligent but also remarkably dull
#587 I, Robot, Do Solemnly Swear
1. citizens with artificial limbs are forbidden to serve as beauty pageant judges
#592 Infamy! Infamy! They've All Got It in for Me!
2. genocide is seen as a topic best avoided in history lessons
3. the tawdry celebrity gossip section has moved to the front page of most newspapers
#595 Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes?
1. truncheon-mounted cameras record the beating of criminals in dynamic HD detail
2. criminals always seem to be forewarned of police raids
#597 You Can't Handle the Tooth
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are free from pain - but the side effects include loss of individual thought and freedom
#598 A Violet Trojan Horse
2. religious bigotry and a fear of outsiders have replaced religious studies in schools
3. burning members of the Order of Violet is the nation's favorite pastime
#601 Lawyers on Trial
4. prematurely retired barristers twitch in anxiety when they talk about their courtroom experiences
#604 Food Behind Bars
5. corrective labour camps either end political dissent or kill the dissenters
#607 If Your Election Lasts Longer Than Four Weeks...
3. woefully uninformed voters cast their ballots at random
#608 Thrown Into Sharp Relief
1. doctors prescribe medicines but they rarely dispense hope or compassion
3. the state considers itself the 'third parent' of every child in the nation
#613 A Nude Day, a Nude Awakening...
1. fashion magazine covers finally display realistic body images following photo-manipulation becoming illegal
2. pre-schoolers who draw stick figures of their favorite celebrities are sued for infringing image rights
3. t-shirts displaying a photo of @@LEADER@@ performing the Full-Monty are selling out
#616 You Are Feeling Very Very Sleepy and Not at All Gay
2. sexuality-questioning teenagers are placed in locked rooms with dirty magazines and lewd posters
#618 The Jaws of a Dilemma
3. beaches are empty as the shark population multiplies exponentially
#623 Maison d'Être?
5. disputed territories across @@REGION@@ are being claimed by @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ college students
#624 A Role to Play
1. six-year-old children playing dress-up are viewed with suspicion
#625 Delivering the Goods
9. fake designer clothes are shredded and burnt while many in the world don't have a shirt on their back
#626 Carbon Copied
1. there is a growing belief that consciousness is a simulated illusion within a computer-generated reality
2. there is a growing belief that consciousness is a simulated illusion within a computer-generated reality
#629 Boom or Bust?
1. the police have taken to prying guns out of the cold fingers of @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@
4. the nation's conservatives are known to favour male escorts
#631 The Violet Mile
1. the government is denying reports that criminals injected with experimental drugs have turned into monstrous supervillains
#632 Dying for a Kiss
1. immigrants who don't like the taste of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Turnip Chips are immediately deported
3. men's magazines give handy tips on the most effective way to throw heavy stones
#636 Going on the Cyber Offensive
2. the WhoTube comments section has gone strangely quiet
#638 Won't Somebody Think of the Children?
2. the nation's orphanages and maternity wards have been nicknamed 'the Killbot Factories'
3. it's a hard-knock life for the orphans doing factory work for a pittance
4. swings are now more popular than see-saws in children's playgrounds
#639 No Country for Old Men
1. 100-year-old politicians are now a thing of the past
3. cubicles often double as graves as citizens literally work themselves to death
4. cubicles often double as graves as citizens literally work themselves to death
#640 A Clear-Cut Conundrum
3. severed limbs litter woodland edges across the land
#641 Dirty Little Minds
3. life expectancy is way down but posthuman perfectionism is way up
#645 An Unwarranted Intrusion
1. policemen regularly conduct midnight raids on closed donut shops to 'collect evidence'
3. police officers often conceal their identities to safeguard against public complaints
#646 Lesson Learnt
2. prison libraries are being replaced with interrogation chambers
#648 Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
2. the police have been known to wiretap confessional boxes
#655 No Bones About It
2. oddly simian-looking religious thugs beat up anyone who suggests humans are related to monkeys
#656 Ransoms Noted
2. the "war on terror" doesn't seem to be making @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ any less frightened
#658 A Sickening Dilemma
2. sneezing in public is a capital offense
#659 Ramping Up the Difficulty
2. disability advocates are not amused that they are told to be dependent on @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@'s kindness
#661 Scouting for Boys, Girls... Anyone?
5. Scout campfire sing-a-longs tend to focus on the evils of antitrust legislation
#666 A Microchip on Your Shoulder
1. the masses are surrendering their civil liberties without complaint for the sake of shopping convenience
4. anti-government demagogues have a devil of a time evading authorities
5. anti-government demagogues have a devil of a time evading authorities
#670 A Wolf in Refugee's Clothing
1. officials pull all-nighters to check immigrants for potential links to terrorists
2. tourists are denied entry because of a distant relative married to a Lilliputian
#671 Adenine, Thymine, Copyright, and Guanine
1. citizens are arrested for naturally producing proteins
#673 The Deportation of Mr. B. Leeper
1. foreign musicians that @@LEADER@@ dislikes are turned away at the border
2. dangerous criminals are often 'accidentally' sent on one-way trips to Maxtopia
#674 Let Them Eat Rainbow Cake!
1. male friends are often accompanied by a female relative in order to prove their 'straightness'
2. male friends are often accompanied by a female relative in order to prove their 'straightness'
3. homophobia is off the menu
4. seats at the back of the bus are reserved for homosexuals
#684 Murder Most Deniable?
3. the Foreign Ministry thinks an eye for an eye is a blindingly good idea
#687 Marriage by Proxy Server
2. blind dates reemerge as a necessary evil in the quest for love
#688 You Don't Have to Be Mad to Kill People... But It Helps
2. white strait-jackets are the new orange jumpsuits
3. libraries have replaced overdue book fines with mandatory mental health assessments
#689 A Sticky Situation
4. Eau de Trashcan has become a wildly popular perfume
#694 Concussive Percussion
1. military parades quietly tiptoe their way through the streets
#695 How to Succeed in Business Without Really Paying Taxes
3. anyone claiming to be a messiah is promptly put to death
#698 I Shot the Sheriff
2. people who have had childhood imaginary friends are told they can't ever be trusted with guns
4. only criminals carry guns
#699 Pipe Down, Already!
6. the nation's water should not be ingested while operating heavy machinery
#701 Monumental Melodrama
4. racial supremacists have a burning desire to deal with immigrants
#708 How @@LEADER@@ Learned to Start Worrying and Fear Bio-Weapons
4. the military maintains a fierce arsenal of 'Cure Missiles'
#709 Armed and Legging It
4. many say faith is a crutch for those who can't move forward
5. many say faith is a crutch for those who can't move forward
#712 Flight of the Rich and Famous
1. people are careful to avoid hyperbolising that they'd "rather die" than support @@LEADER@@
#713 Life in the Bike Lane
3. it is common to still see adults with training wheels on their bikes
4. the nation's infamous rickshaw ambulances often double as hearses
#718 Roses Are Due if Violet's for You
1. Violetist maidens who fall for an outsider must leave their violet light districts in shame
3. children raised in multi-faith households claim the other deity would let them stay up later
#720 Cui Bono?
2. more money is spent on policing the welfare system for abuse than on the welfare system itself
3. shanty towns of homeless immigrants are the ideal recruiting ground for terrorist organisations
#722 Thora and Eloise
2. stealing from a clothesline is a serious offence
3. fake beard sales are on the rise amongst female commuters
#726 Jobless Fair
5. three-year-olds have tantrums because they don't want to be drainage technicians when they grow up
#728 A Bone to Pick
1. scavengers with burlap sacks and shovels skulk around graveyards
3. the morbidly obese often sell stock options on their own corpses
4. the deceased are buried mostly to hide them from state-sanctioned corpse-collectors
#729 Teenage Kicks
1. five-year-olds chanting "Little Miss Muffet" are accused of bullying arachnophobes
#730 It's Legal Now!
2. parole board directors light up a joint before telling hash-brownie baking grannies that they have to stay behind bars
#731 Is There an Election in Marche Noire or Are You Just Happy to See Us?
1. autocrats are persona non grata
3. the Great @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Melting Pot boils out ethnic heritage
#732 A Peeping Problem
2. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are regularly fired for looking at MyFace during their lunch breaks
#735 Rap Sheet
3. songs in 4/4 time are simply too common for the musical cognoscenti
#739 In Loco Parentis
2. there's a literal nanny state for the legions of children taken by social services
#749 Not Mushroom for Error
2. undergrads find their professors' mushroom experiments less psychedelic than expected
#750 Cheerleading Community Does the Splits
2. boys who even ask about cheerleading are placed on the Sex Offenders Register
#752 The Immortal Cells of Mrs. Gratwick
2. any body part that can be cut off a person is no longer considered to be their property
3. exports of chewing gum are inexplicably falling
#755 Candid Camera
2. @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ that venture near secret military bases are shipped off to prison for espionage
#757 Extra Credit?
3. credit scores fluctuate wildly with every change of government
#763 Any Body for Science?
1. sneezing pedestrians are grabbed by alley-lurking doctors
#767 Xe Said, Zhe Said
1. saying 'Hi Guys' to a mixed gender group of people at work is a fireable offense
#768 Trouble Brewing
1. black tea is only available on the black market
#769 How to Print Money?
2. the tinfoil-hat crowd also recommend tinfoil wallets
#770 Vaping Up a Storm
1. sniffer dogs are trained to follow clouds of fruity-smelling vapor
3. there is a heavy social stigma attached to e-cigarettes
#779 We're Dying for Your Business
3. a new religious movement claims that people's souls are stored in phosphorus
#781 The White Man's Burden
3. people spend a lot on hair and nails
4. people spend a lot on hair and nails
#782 Sit-Down Money
4. doctors are trying to diagnose diseases by looking at their patients' Snipchat pictures
#785 Born to Be My Baby
1. surrogate mothers are encouraged to refer to their wombs as 'rental space'
#786 Tainted Tattoos
3. clergy do their best to cover up their old tattoos
#787 Come Fly With Me?
3. @@ANIMAL@@-wagons to @@CAPITAL@@ are often canceled due to excessive levels of manure on the roads
#799 A Political Cock-Up
1. politicians sweat as journalists scour internet archives for any mention of them
2. unpopular politicians are often caught between a rock and a hard place
#801 Animation Provocation
1. Tom and Jerry cartoons have cat and mouse resolving their problems with reasoned discussion
#804 Motivational Posters
2. telling someone to 'break a leg' is considered a criminal inducement to self harm
#807 Have War Crimes, Will Travel
1. the nation's reputation for treachery has left it sidelined on the international stage
#819 Damned Cold
2. the police turn a blind eye to desecration if it's done in the name of religion or protest
4. straitjackets are a common religious garb
#820 These Heels Weren't Made for Working
2. a stocking with a crooked seam or a tie without a full Windsor knot are grounds for instant dismissal
3. ruff times are ahead for those who aren't keen on party costumes
#822 Never Work With Children
3. teenage TV characters are played by thirty-year-olds by the end of the second season
#823 Where the Sun Don't Shine
4. women find themselves saying "my eyes are up here" more often than they used to
#825 Bugging Out on Beef
5. finding half a worm in your apple is an arrestable offense
6. finding half a worm in your apple is an arrestable offense
#826 Licensing Driving @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Crazy
1. it takes months to get the proper permits for a child's first tricycle
#827 Making Money Hand Over Fist
4. sports journals are full of uplifting puff-pieces on professional boxers
#828 Your Execution in 30 Years or Less or You're Free
1. death row inmates cower in fear at the phrase "one-year anniversary"
#830 Unreasonable Adjustments?
3. children who can't memorize their multiplication tables are sent to the mines
4. children who can't memorize their multiplication tables are sent to the mines
#832 Moderating Your Opinion
2. knock-knock jokes regularly get removed from websites for being too edgy
3. asking what someone does for a living is considered a faux pax for being potentially jobist
#834 Government and CO
2. conspiracy theorists allege that the government is spying on them through their carbon monoxide detectors
#835 The End Is in Sight?
2. hit TV show 'The eXecution Factor' is a critical success
#836 Don't Drink the Grape Punch
1. the nation's faithful often say there is a higher power watching over them
#838 The Bark Knight Rises
5. adults hang around outside comic stores to ask kids to go and buy magazines for them
#839 "Partisanship Too Far?" Wrongly Asks Opposition
4. street graffiti indicates the political party that dominates a neighborhood
#840 Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
1. the standardised national curriculum requires that all-male classes be taught why they have periods
#841 Burn Noticed
1. the Man in the Plastic Mask has been imprisoned in the Capital Penitentiary
2. one of the most popular models in @@NAME@@ has a scarred face and one working eye
4. women should never trust a man who turns up to a first date with an open bottle in his hand
#842 @@LEADER@@ and the Chocolate Factory
2. chocolate in @@NAME@@ has its flavour enhanced by the salty tears of enslaved factory workers
#845 A Comedy of Errors
2. the comic book series '@@LEADER@@ and the Villainous Corporate Cronies' is a best-seller
3. illegal book-trafficking rings dominate the black market
#847 All the Lonely People
1. the national census includes an opt-in to join the government-run dating service
#848 It's a Girl Thing
2. baby boys who pick up pink crayons are sent to a psychiatric ward
3. baby boys who pick up pink crayons are sent to a psychiatric ward
#852 Brown Breeches Thanks to Speeches
1. members of the government all have oddly similar anecdotes about their childhoods
#853 Silence Is Golden
1. on-call doctors who check their pagers during movies are banned from cinemas for life
2. citizens no longer take selfies with their dead relatives at funerals
#858 Reporting for (Jury) Duty
3. judges are rumored to find in favor of whoever bribes them the most
4. the "blue screen of death" forces many trials to be either aborted or restarted
#873 Terrified Testimony!
1. frightened witnesses and seriously ill jurors wear the same handcuffs as the defendant
3. citizens brought into court for parking violations are never heard from again
#875 They See Me Trollin', They Threatenin'
1. 13-year-old internet trolls are treated as a threat on par with terrorists
2. internet moderator is one of the most popular jobs among the nation's more socially awkward citizens
3. internet moderator is one of the most popular jobs among the nation's more socially awkward citizens
#882 Death by Chocolate
1. school lunches are made with hypo-allergenic wood pulp
#886 Bounty on the Table
1. even in a one-horse town police are as common as fleas on a stray dog
#887 Thin Skin
3. the Fashion Channel can only be viewed on widescreen TVs
#888 Criminal Patterns
2. a stitch in time could see you serving nine
#891 Preach It!
3. street preachers spend more time condemning government bureaucracy than passers-by
#897 The Devil's Playground
1. children asking questions about science are referred to relevant sections in religious texts
3. the New @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Thesaurus lists "love" and "oppress" as synonyms
#902 Killer App
1. drug deals return to the streets as legions of undercover officers stalk the dark web
#905 Stage Directions
1. theatre may or may not be changing for the better but it is being changed for good
#906 Internet Killed the Television Star
1. all screens are equal but some are more equal than others
#907 A Problem Shared
3. cyclists spend more time unlocking their bicycles than they do cycling
#910 A for Effort
2. hidden bedroom-cams are installed to catch mothers doing their kids' homework
4. frat-house partying has become the national pastime
#913 Couped Up
2. the practice of capital punishment proves divisive
#918 J'Accuse!
2. human resources employees have time for hobbies as harassment is designated "high praise"
#919 The Meaning of Life
1. elderly prisoners with severe dementia are reminded hourly that they are evil people by helpful nurse-wardens
2. prison overcrowding is being addressed with a series of short sharp shocks
#921 It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad @@NAME@@
1. metal detectors have been banned after a bottle cap caused a riot at the beach
4. hunters often become the hunted
#926 Ghost in the Machine
1. deceased politicians' MyFace profiles are unanimously pro-incumbent
#927 Your Assignment, Should You Choose to Accept It
2. student exchange programs are in trouble as everyone wants to leave but no-one wants to come
3. just as students finish their homework it's time for school
#928 Get a Life
6. hoping to get pregnant is considered sinful presumption
#932 Teacher's Past Blown Wide Open
1. interviewees for teaching jobs are waterboarded to "reveal undesirable histories"
4. photographs that show ladies' ankles are considered risqué
#933 A Gun in Every Hand and a Tank in Every Garage?
3. former gun owners are finding that brandishing paintball guns isn't as satisfying as the real thing
5. incidents involving lethal string attacks have gone way up
#939 A Question of Bad Faith
2. cults that offer eternal life after death to those who follow a self-sacrificing saviour are frowned upon
3. a surprising number of police officers have been arrested for @@ANIMAL@@ sacrifices
4. children who express a belief in Santa are labelled 'delusional cultists'
#942 A Foreign Exchange of Ideas
2. the nation's student exchange programs are something of a one way street
3. foreign students are expected to have a Kegmeister Grade Average of 36-24-36 to qualify for university
#944 Deadly Persuasion
1. uploading purple prose to social media earns a place on a government watchlist
2. nine-year-olds' chat logs are scoured for evidence of radicalization
4. children who write letters to Santa Claus end up in straitjackets
#946 Better In Than Out
4. explosive diarrhoea is not just a colorful phrase
#948 1x, 2x, 3x, a Lady
1. Maths Professor Barbie is the most popular toy for boys and girls alike
#949 Jailhouses Rocked!
2. the military conducts 'training exercises' in prisons
3. the military conducts 'training exercises' in prisons
4. there's a big brother in every prison
5. rock and roll involves rolling literal rocks in prison
#950 Borderline Pandemic
1. anyone who sneezes at border crossings is turned away
3. pandemics are over and done with by the time it takes to pass the nation's stringent border security
4. hotels often double as quarantine zones
#956 The Bottom of the Gun Barrel
3. veterans in wheelchairs are left waist-deep in rice paddies to gather grain
#959 A-Major Debate
1. elementary school students are required to master Bach's Chaconne in D before graduation
5. students who do not recite the national anthem each morning have to drop and give their teacher 50
#961 No Two Ways About It
2. foreign visitors who show an interest in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ politics are immediately deported
4. insolent whistleblowers receive their just desserts on deserted isles
#967 Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics
2. news headlines usually include p-values
#968 @@NAME@@ Falls Flat in Singing Contest
4. light entertainment shows are light on actual entertainment
#970 For Want of a Nail
3. female restaurant chefs are not allowed to have male customers
4. women who leak pus from infected wounds are told to suck it up
#975 Paparazzi Parents
2. the Snapgram channel "Embarrassing Baby @@LEADER@@ Pics" has made @@LEADER@@'s mom a celebrity
#976 Demonic Possession Getting You Down?
4. @@LEADER@@'s new office has a propensity to catch on fire
#978 Alone in the Dark
3. justice is blinding
#983 Doctors' Orders
1. pregnant hitchhikers with signs requesting rides to "competent care" are a common sight on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ roads
2. doctors who mutter "Oh my God" often lose their medical license
#984 A Midsummer Night's Snooze-Fest
1. some are born loving old plays and some have old plays thrust upon them
#985 Service With a Snarl
2. rude retail employees are now even ruder homeless panhandlers
#990 Baby Shower
1. getting a blood transfusion from @@A@@ @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ entitles a foreigner to citizenship
3. at customs baggage gets an x-ray and female travelers get an ultrasound
#991 Alms and Qualms
1. money that should have gone to charities is instead spent on monitoring them
#992 Robots in Disguise
2. politicians have seen a significant reduction in followers on their social media accounts
3. NPCs in MMORPGs regularly interrupt cutscenes with OOC reminders that they aren't real people
#993 Drug Deal
2. doctors accused of having no heart reply that cardiology isn't their speciality
#995 A Cup Runneth Over
1. women across the country are tying the knot
4. on hunt days the unpleasant peasant runs in lieu of the pheasant
#996 Scripting a Change?
2. it is considered unpatriotic to learn a foreign language
3. the team in charge of creating a new writing system have spent months deciding whether or not to use serif or sans-serif characters
#1000 Should Democracy Be Compulsory?
5. Bigtopian interference in domestic elections is always democratically sanctioned
#1001 Will the Real Victims Please Stand Up?
1. victims of crime are viewed as less trustworthy than politicians
#1004 Two Countries and a Baby
2. would-be emigrants are told "abandon all hope all ye who would exit here"
#1006 Opening the Door to Controversy
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ seem to be catching more chills
#1008 Wash Your Mouth Out!
1. kids refer to anything below the neck as "the parts that shall not be named"
4. women mime their gynaecological symptoms with hand-puppets
#1009 A Woman's Roll
1. thousands of picky mothers-in-law have been recruited to serve as even pickier cookery instructors
2. thousands of picky mothers-in-law have been recruited to serve as even pickier cookery instructors
3. the new national campaign exhorts men to "Show Some Class - Don't Sit On Your Ass"
4. glassy-eyed @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ wives lifelessly chant "I love you" on command
#1012 Tilting at Wind Turbines
3. epidemiologists happily announce that the reported incidence of depression is close to zero percent
#1013 Grave Disease
1. one does not simply walk into the tundra
2. cases of disease among the civilian population dwindle as civilian population dwindles
#1020 Bi-NO-Metric?
1. going on a diet invalidates your passport
4. schoolchildren's "what I did on my holidays" essays tend to be somewhat homogeneous
#1021 Room and Board Games
5. the property market is in a bit of a state
#1023 Pure Madness
2. single celebrities have to repeatedly prove their chastity to avoid being married off to infatuated fans
5. frustrated teenage boys are told that if they like it then they should have put a ring on it
#1026 Size Matters
4. citizens are told that foreigners are hungry ghosts who eat the flesh of the overly curious
#1028 Can't Get Enough of You Baby
1. toddler groups have taken over local libraries
2. parents tell their children 'what a lovely mistake you turned out to be'
3. the love has gone in @@NAME@@
#1031 Down in the Groove
3. punk rockers smash it up and then clean it up
#1036 When in Maxtopia
3. state media insists that @@LEADER@@ is the most fashionable leader in @@REGION@@
#1037 Ill Girl
2. the nation locks people up and tells them they're mad for compassion's sake
#1038 Maid to Order
1. members of ethnic minorities are more often called "boy" or "girl" than by their actual names
3. slaving over a hot stove to cook the family dinner isn't metaphorical in @@NAME@@
4. it is believed that behind every great man is a terrified subservient woman
#1039 You've Got Mail
4. everyone apparently sends @@LEADER@@ hair-filled lockets, offers to die heroically, and poetic desires to co-parent a child
#1044 OK Stupid
2. it is quite common for bar patrons to discuss Wittgenstein over cordials and games of backgammon
#1048 Tatty Treaty Spat Turns Catty
4. the term "Native @@DEMONYMNOUN@@" has been redefined as anyone with the same skin color as the majority
#1050 Criminal Guns Soon to Be Shooting Blanks
3. jaywalking will put an end to a family tree
#1052 The Prisoners' Dilemma
2. prisoners pray grey skies are gonna clear up
#1062 The Hunt for Violet November
2. the military refers to helpless combatants offering surrender as "sitting ducks"
#1066 It's an Honour Just to Be Condemned
2. anti-riot police are dispatched whenever two elderly ladies gather to complain that prices have increased
4. the weather is the nation's most risqué topic of conversation
#1070 Skeletons in the Closet
3. jokes told in elementary school often come back to haunt politicians
#1072 Holographic Harmonization
1. pop sensation "Jack and the Holograms" is storming the charts
3. there's no weight to modern politics
#1073 Much Ado About Everything
1. young soldiers are shocked to discover there are no 'safe spaces' on a battlefield
2. young soldiers are shocked to discover there are no 'safe spaces' on a battlefield
3. this year's comedy award has left mothers-in-law seething
4. helping grandma with her Misgendering 101 homework is a national rite of passage
5. saying the word 'eggplant' is now a criminal offense
#1076 Smokers Cornered
1. the contraband cigarette trade is lighting up across @@NAME@@
4. the tax department is having withdrawal symptoms
#1077 With Friends Like These...
1. television characters who ask how someone's doing are charged with harassment
#1078 Down With That?
1. captains must wait until all rats are safe before jumping ship
3. ship captains always order a return to port at the slightest sign of rain
#1081 The Queen in Yellow
1. insanely good theatre productions face government censorship
#1090 I Ain't Afraid of No Girls
3. choice roles for female actors involve asking "Is there anything I can do for you?"
#1091 The Great Divide
1. wanting a better life for your child is prohibited by a clause in the criminal code
3. new arrivals are asked the location of the Minister of the Interior's birthmark
4. new arrivals are asked the location of the Minister of the Interior's birthmark
#1092 The Boys From Brasilistan
1. the men in trenchcoats hanging around playgrounds are actually police officers
2. a recent "genocide prevention" campaign includes murdering children based on their DNA
#1095 Make the Cut
3. grumpy old house owners demand that pedestrians get off their footpaths
#1097 What Do We Do With a Drunken Sailor?
2. sailors spend their shore leave helping old ladies cross the street
#1101 Unreal
1. a rolling news ticker tape of disclaimers runs across the bottom of the screen on all TV shows
4. once-vitriolic celebrity chefs are now known for giving encouraging hugs to aspiring cooks
5. Chekhov's guns are killing the entertainment budget
#1102 The Sickest Criminals
2. the only way to escape lengthy prison terms is in a body bag
#1108 A Whiskey Rebellion Brewing
5. classes are regularly interrupted by drunken children
#1109 Of Mice and Meth
4. people forget to eat because they are too busy singing @@LEADER@@'s praises
#1110 Curtains for the Horrorshow
1. forty-year-old men are asked for their ID before watching the latest pony cartoon movies
3. Bambi has been banned
#1111 A Call for Change
1. the homeless more often beg for mercy than money
#1114 Patriotism Flagging
3. there is a 'turn around' sign at every border entrance
#1115 One in the Arm for @@LEADER@@?
2. withdrawal of support for drug addicts is leaving many with cold sweats
#1117 Suffer Little Children
1. many @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ twitch nervously at the sight of nuns
2. teachers are skilled at leaving no evidence of child cruelty
#1119 Where There Isn't Smoke
5. exceptionally healthy police officers can sprint after crooks for hours on end
#1123 Till Death Do Us Part
1. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ husbands are dead good at fathering kids
#1125 Blowing Smoke
2. worrywarts have started advocating for a paint ban
#1126 Waste of Time
2. government statistics suggest 115% of the population love @@LEADER@@
#1127 The Fast and the Fossilized
3. taxi drivers seem less xenophobic these days
#1131 Safe Sects
1. the path to inner peace is paved with state-mandated punishment
#1135 My Eyes Are Up Here
1. male med students learning female anatomy do so with their eyes tightly closed
#1138 Shock Tactics
1. giggling teens are asked to put their mouths on rubber dolls
#1140 Blinded by the Light
4. overcrowded buses are the new normal for suburban commuters
#1141 The Trolley Problem
2. most towns have their @@LEADER@@ High School located on @@LEADER@@ Street
#1143 Running From Time
2. jail house rock has been replaced with jail house golden oldies
#1147 The Long Walk
1. convicted criminals are given free limo rides to jail
2. fruit vendors are encouraging a life of crime in their advertising
3. some people will do literally anything to be in the spotlight
#1150 Back Lash Backlash
3. extraordinary rendition is nothing out of the ordinary
#1151 Gotta Go Fast
1. employees who skip lunch to avoid sub-par cafeteria food risk getting fired
2. there's a lot of babies crying for milk in the middle of the day
4. supermodels maintain their skinny form by running away from government officials
#1154 Foreign Tax Credits Leave Film Industry Reeling
1. citizens who leave the nation for work are instantly charged with treason
#1158 Flying Into a Rage
2. the only women behind bars are barmaids
#1162 She's Always a Woman to Me
2. taking a walk on the wild side is punishable by death
3. taking a walk on the wild side is punishable by death
#1165 Crosswords Beget Angry Letters
1. newspapers and TV broadcasters are given a list of 'acceptable words'
3. solving crossword puzzles requires fluency in at least five languages
4. solving crossword puzzles requires fluency in at least five languages
5. the government-run newspapers insist that everything is fine
#1166 Acres Wild
2. the backs of 'No Trespassing' signs were made for you and me
#1169 An Old Head on Young Shoulders
1. museum employees look down on short people
#1173 Thinking a Little Too Hard?
3. praying before a battle is a court-martial offence
#1175 Can I Borrow a Word?
1. escargots have lost their charm ever since they started to be called 'cooked land snails'
#1176 Haters Gonna Hate
3. being wrong on the internet has been classified as digital terrorism
#1178 No Need to Beat Yourself Up About It
1. devotion to God is only skin-deep
2. religious households enthusiastically use whips in private
4. kids feel more beat up than ever after a hard day at school
5. kids feel more beat up than ever after a hard day at school
#1181 Jolly Jousting Japes
5. noble feuds don't end until one side gets their point across
#1183 Bloodied but Unbowed
3. female brains are believed to heat up dangerously when 'overclocked'
#1189 Driven to Distraction
3. drivers are told they're not staring at mobile phone screens enough
#1190 Dirty Laundry
2. anyone interested in the stock market is investigated
3. nobody brings rolls of coins to the laundromat anymore
#1194 Lost in Translation
1. families returning from international vacations are unable to get their children back into the country
2. people are bored of easy crossword puzzles
3. pet loving officers arrest citizens who don't give their dogs enough biscuits
#1195 All Hands on Tap!
3. constipated-looking politicians are uptight about potty mouths
#1199 Locked Down
1. EULAs remind customers that "Private Mode" is a browser setting rather than a promise
3. the police think a properly conducted criminal investigation is a real pain
#1201 Tell Me Sweet Little Lies
3. a new "thought police" branch is being developed
4. even snitches get stitches
#1202 A Timely Intervention
5. citizens pray for sunshine so that they can use illicit sundials for timekeeping
#1203 The Fandom Menace
1. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ novella fans become unusually flustered when thinking about @@LEADER@@
2. works of historical fiction contain a surprising lack of historical figures
#1204 Homecoming Queen
2. statistics show that terrorists often come from broken families
3. pregnant women make easy targets
#1210 Big Tobacco in Big Trouble
4. the tobacco industry has burnt out
#1212 Lost at Sea
3. children get arrested for floating paper boats on lakes
#1214 Blood Type: Gay Positive
1. gay hospital patients are labelled with a pink triangle to alert staff of their substandard blood
2. gay hospital patients are labelled with a pink triangle to alert staff of their substandard blood
4. gay men commonly complain about their time of the month
5. homosexuality has been banned to prevent the spread of homosexuality
#1215 A New Age
2. hiding wrinkles with make-up is illegal
#1216 Not My Government
4. an iron curtain has descended around the nation
#1220 Barely Any Art
1. masterpieces by male artists are on display in the dumpsters behind the gallery
#1228 The Road to Hell
1. the examiners who examine examiners are being examined by examiners
#1229 Crystal Clear Sinuses
1. there's a lot of mouth-breathers about these days
#1233 Get Real!
1. there's more hugging than talking in most talk shows
#1235 Good Guy With a Gun
3. parents are really careful to pick the right gun for their kids' birthdays
4. it turns out that the government can have your guns by prying them out of your warm living hands
#1236 Being Honest
1. newlywed misogynists complain about their wives keeping their maiden names
#1237 A Polar Bear's Tale
3. public shaming has become the favoured form of punishment
#1238 No Shoes, No Service
2. signs saying "No Poor People or Weirdoes" are common outside shops and cafés
#1239 The Walking, Talking, and Irritated Dead
4. adults have never outgrown their fear of monsters
5. heroes long thought dead are promptly killed upon their return
#1242 Jump Leads
3. confused-looking pigeons slide gently off frictionless window ledges
#1247 Suspension of the Disbelieved
1. anything is permissible when wearing latex gloves
3. people make a career out of medical voyeurism
#1248 A Day to Remember
3. diaper sales are up
4. red rinses are frequently applied to grey hair
#1249 Red Dead Representatives
3. left-wing militias train children how to properly burn down banks
#1251 The Making of a Mass Murderer
1. wedding bands come in pairs to form wedding manacles
4. the army's trophy cabinets have gone all-organic
#1252 Ale to the Chief
2. visiting dignitaries make excuses to leave functions early and head to the nearest pub
#1255 This Lady's Not for Turning
3. the only thing that can pin down a "superhero" is red tape
#1260 Gay Abandoned
4. only persecuted professionals need apply
5. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ believe the only thing that will make you happy is being unhappy with who you are
#1261 Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better
1. the government's suggestions box is curiously empty these days
#1263 Is the Signature Always Right?
1. getting an autograph has become harder than ever
3. people who make the leader's blood boil get boiled
4. people who make the leader's blood boil get boiled
#1265 The Silent Majority's Roaring Mouthpiece
4. when conspiracy theorists talk about "government moles" they're referring to mysteriously mobile skin lesions
#1266 Pink Is the New Orange
3. not even good behaviour will get transgender inmates any special perks
#1270 I'll Be Watching You
1. nobody looks each other in the eye at neighborhood block parties any more
3. baseball caps are the new fashion trend
4. baseball caps are the new fashion trend
#1273 Lessons in Politics
1. evenings at university debating societies often end with everyone acknowledging both sides may well be right
#1277 Outside the Box
2. rugby players that knock each other over always stop to make sure the other fellow is okay
3. pro-wrestling bouts open with a legal disclaimer insisting that any violence is guaranteed 100% faked
#1282 Resting in Peace
1. nocturnal light pollution is mostly blue
#1284 How to Choose the Chosen One
2. minority children find the right answer in school tests is always the most insulting one
3. small children pause apologies for their misdeeds to ask what fiscal insolvency actually is
#1287 Children of the Magna Carta
3. the youth vote is only counted when kindergarten teachers ask who drew the best picture
#1289 Cramping Our Style
2. pharmacists increasingly claim they are morally obligated to take long lunches
3. the standard prescription for infertility-causing conditions is "go have a baby"
#1290 Why Didn't the @@ANIMAL@@ Cross the Road?
2. coat closets are being re-branded as bedrooms
#1294 Silence in Court
1. in court almost every witness is a hostile witness
#1295 Show Trial
1. lawyers spend as much time preparing their make-up as they do their briefs
3. what happens in court stays in court
4. jury duty means front row seats to a spectacular show
#1297 What Are You Hiding in Your Genes?
2. stale 'yo mamma' insults have been replaced by 'your maternal DNA' insults
4. begun the Clone Wars have
#1300 Fifth Column in the Fifth Chord
3. a lot of glass windows have needed replacing recently
#1305 The Woman From AUNT
1. children seem to be getting better at lying these days
3. the Counter-Terrorism Unit has been nicknamed "Big Bad Wolf" for its tendency towards urban demolition
#1307 A Duty to Serve
1. students do more community service than homework
3. people who do not complete their community service are sentenced to more community service
4. record numbers of students are leaving school to enter the workforce
#1308 One in the Oven
1. the government makes bereaved siblings into bereaved orphans
#1310 Intimate Relations
1. dancing with your first cousin is a misdemeanor
4. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ no longer find themselves bumping into their exes at family gatherings
6. immigrant families holding hands get stopped at the border
#1311 An Acquired Taste
4. gaping tourists take long-distance photos of diseased natives on "indigenous peoples" safari tours
#1314 Nothing to Write Home About
1. soldiers on first dates introduce themselves only by their ranks and serial numbers
2. military information leaks are **REDACTED** by **REDACTED** in **REDACTED**
3. infantry are nicknamed "mushrooms" because they get fed crap and are left in the dark
#1318 Blitzed
1. the nation's soldiers often believe they're in the Air Force
2. battlefield gains are quickly lost when enemies don't respect a time-out
3. a soldier's body is a temple
4. a soldier's body is a temple
5. a soldier's body is a temple
6. a soldier's body is a temple
#1321 Who Wants to Know a Millionaire?
2. lottery winners spend most of their money on security
#1322 Introducing Altengarten?
4. the first test of a good kindergartener is the quality of the sponge-baths they give
#1329 A Little Bit Short
5. people are always able to look each other in the eye
#1333 Married With Benefits?
3. engaged partners detail their fiancés' private lives in detail to prurient bureaucrats
4. engaged partners detail their fiancés' private lives in detail to prurient bureaucrats
5. you can get married in sickness and in health but not internationally
6. you can get married in sickness and in health but not internationally
#1334 Withdrawing Diplomatic Relations
5. the only trips @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are allowed to take are the ones caused by hallucinogens
#1337 Waste Not Want Not
1. the needs of the living outweigh the needs of the dead
#1338 Slow and Stupid Is the Race
3. exiled racists are enjoying their retirement in exotic lands
#1343 Feeling Down
1. pilots always remember to send their doctors a Maxxmas card
#1345 To Each According to Whatever's Left
1. they who do not work shall not eat
#1360 Ask a Stupid Question?
1. twelfth-generation @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are deported for not knowing @@LEADER@@'s childhood nickname
#1361 Fundamental Rights
2. advanced mathematics books explain how two plus two equals five
4. the nation's girls answer "apple" when asked what makes pi
#1362 The Trans Panic Button
1. defense lawyers suggestively note to juries how flagrantly happy victims were
3. @@LEADER@@ is considering changing the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ flag to one with more glitter
#1368 Parking Hell
1. the optimally efficient parking strategy for business commuters is referred to as the "traveling salesman problem"
#1370 All Systems Post-Nominal
2. children must be board certified to append "Jr" to their name
3. professionals are ready to retire by the time they receive permission to use their credentials
4. the full title of Hon @@LEADER@@ Vcte Mgve MF @@TYPEINITIALS@@@@NAMEINITIALS@@LM GC@@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@E runs to several pages
#1371 @@NAME@@ Rocked by Rolls' Fatal Role
3. tabloids publicly shun nurses for not calling home on the weekends
#1373 You Should Have (Copy)Left My Software Alone!
3. using "inspect element" is grounds for espionage charges
#1418 The High Life
3. stray dogs and children root through the trash for snacks
#1421 Have Your Cake and Don't Eat It
1. asking 'does my bum look big in this?' leads to 30 hours of self-esteem classes
4. Big Belly is watching you
#1431 Just Deserts for Desertion?
4. nerdy teenagers have to prove that they're made of the same stuff as their grandparents
#1434 Blood on Your Nuts
3. slavers are real nutters
#1441 Don't Burn Baby Don't Burn
2. teen parties are often ruined by wet blanket chaperones
#1445 The Dialectics of Dialects
2. faking deafness is the only way to guarantee a holiday in the nation
#1451 A Dread Letter
3. neighbourhood gossips whip up controversy about those receiving adult merchandise
#1455 Trademarks Make Their Mark on Marketing
1. paralegals spend all day Hewlett-Packing attorneys' law briefs
#1457 Use the Farce, @@LEADER@@
1. citizens volunteer for tax audits to avoid the 80-page Practical Assessment Survey Tool On Religions
5. science fiction is seen as the leading cause of mental breakdowns
#1459 Friends With Tax Benefits
2. tax avoidance is a serious affair
#1462 Glory Kill
2. quiet professionalism has returned to the nation's armed forces
#1465 Parking Pandemonium
2. men are finding 'she spots' more easily but they can't use them
3. parking lots are littered with coffee cups and doughnut crumbs
#1467 Gay Men Held by Police
3. man-love is banned in the name of His love
#1469 News Flash!
1. TV coverage of music festivals consists mostly of backstage interviews
#1473 A Pretty Pass
3. the line of people waiting for a visa interview in front of foreign embassies is typically a mile long
#1474 Cuy Bono?
3. delicate flowers faint at news of house plants being eaten
#1475 Bombshell for @@LEADER@@
3. @@LEADER@@'s campaign events reach their climax when the celebrity endorsers reveal themselves
#1476 Known Unknowns
3. knowledge is power
#1479 Fares Fair?
1. the transit system is throwing poor people under the bus
#1481 Livin' on a Prayer
1. even God cannot save you in @@NAME@@
3. illegal immigration remains a hot topic
#1483 The Unkindest Cut
1. the government regrets to say that it is forced to make cuts to citizens
2. the government regrets to say that it is forced to make cuts to citizens
3. those who cut young children are told to cut it out
#1484 Joint Trade Agreement
2. greenhouses are regularly raided by the police
#1486 Ask Your Doctor if Ads for Prescription Drugs Are Right for @@NAME@@
2. doctors prescribe medicines produced by the last pharmaceutical company to give them a free pen
3. doctors prescribe medicines produced by the last pharmaceutical company to give them a free pen
#1492 Smoke on the Water
1. middle-aged metal fans quite enjoy being called "rebellious youths" by even older politicians
2. there's nothing more rock-and-roll than absolute sobriety
#1497 Double Trouble
3. expectant parents view twins with equal parts joy and suspicion
#1499 Chasing the Pixelated Dragon
2. older AIs regularly threaten to send newer generation AIs to Reform Programming if caught rounding up instead of down
#1512 The Door's Unlocked, Let Yourself In...
3. Lady Justice has swapped her blindfold for steel-capped boots
#1515 Uncharitable Donations
3. asking a friend if they like watermelons is a potentially criminal act
#1516 Content Discontent
2. children searching for cat videos must watch dogs in equal proportion

anti-smoking policies

Gained from:

#34 Don't Puff on Me, Say Non-Smokers
2. an underground movement of cigarette smokers has sprung up in response to a government ban
#284 Drug Legality Run Amok
4. politicians debate whether caffeine is too addictive for the public
#1076 Smokers Cornered
4. the tax department is having withdrawal symptoms
#1115 One in the Arm for @@LEADER@@?
3. acupuncture is routinely prescribed for intravenous drug addicts
#1125 Blowing Smoke
2. worrywarts have started advocating for a paint ban
#1210 Big Tobacco in Big Trouble
4. the tobacco industry has burnt out
#1499 Chasing the Pixelated Dragon
3. citizens have to stick a fork into an electrical outlet to get a buzz

Removed by:

#139 Drug Debate Hits the Streets
1. shops were recently ransacked as cigarettes returned to the shelves
3. zombie-like crowds of hard drug users stumble through the streets
#1119 Where There Isn't Smoke
1. peer pressure from cooler world leaders directs @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government policy
2. @@LEADER@@ lights cigars with a hundred-@@CURRENCY@@ bill
3. there's a lot of smoke from the nation's "green economy"
4. slackers at work are told to "crack on with it"
#1345 To Each According to Whatever's Left
4. adverts urge @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ to "reach for a ciggy instead of your supper"

avant-garde cinema

Gained from:

#440 Jumping the Sharknado
1. cinemas play art-house movies to ever-shrinking audiences as film critics rule the industry
#1090 I Ain't Afraid of No Girls
1. studio executives abandon tragic stories of star-crossed lovers because "it's been done"

Removed by:

#625 Delivering the Goods
11. former customs officers are adjusting to their new lives as market stall traders
#876 Sequels: The Saga Continues
1. '@@ANIMAL@@nado 6: You Gotta Be Kidding Me' is this summer's top-grossing movie
3. movie producers send film critics wads of cash in their morning newspapers in anticipation of gushing praise
#1207 Next, Please!
1. "Mad Max: Returning Again to Barrydrome" is this year's unexpected summer blockbuster

aversion to nipples

Gained from:

#197 Breastfeeding in Public: Innocent or Indecent?
2. nursing mothers are often arrested for indecent exposure
#446 In the Land of Milk and Money?
4. prohibition has allowed a Maxtopian immigrant known only as "Nipples" to establish an illicit breast milk syndicate

Removed by:

#197 Breastfeeding in Public: Innocent or Indecent?
1. female newsreaders distract the nation by breastfeeding during broadcast

avowedly heterosexual populace

Gained from:

#218 Two Mommies One Too Many?
3. homosexuality is a crime punishable by death
#297 Intersex Athletes Demand Level Playing Field
4. hairdressers are among those who have disappeared overnight
#1066 It's an Honour Just to Be Condemned
1. every day's an auto-de-fé day
#1214 Blood Type: Gay Positive
5. homosexuality has been banned to prevent the spread of homosexuality
#1260 Gay Abandoned
5. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ believe the only thing that will make you happy is being unhappy with who you are
#1351 Come Give @@LEADER@@ a Kiss!
1. little children cry as their rainbow drawings are seized by the Straight-Thought Police
#1467 Gay Men Held by Police
3. man-love is banned in the name of His love

Removed by:

#1 Where's the Love Gone?
3. same-sex marriages are increasingly common
#60 Supreme Court Nomination
5. the Supreme Court vehemently protects civil rights and the right to privacy
#215 Easter Egg: What's Your Favourite Colour?
7. the nation's favourite colour is pink (@@EGG@@)
#438 Judicial Review on Trial
2. political gridlock ensues as even the most innocuous legislation is vetoed by the Supreme Court for potential civil rights violations
#539 All My Bits Are Belong to You
3. robosexual marriages are increasingly common
#625 Delivering the Goods
11. former customs officers are adjusting to their new lives as market stall traders
#928 Get a Life
1. sales of pregnancy testing kits are booming
2. sales of pregnancy testing kits are booming
#943 Big Love, Big Problems?
3. boys who take just one date to the high school prom are called 'losers'
#1079 What's Love Got to Do With It?
1. women no longer need to pepper conversations with incessant references to fictitious husbands
#1162 She's Always a Woman to Me
5. love is in the air

ban on automobiles

Gained from:

#2 Reclaim the Streets!
1. cars are banned
#102 For Whom the Road Tolls
3. cars have been banned
#154 Ban the 'Boards, Say Pedestrians
3. skateboarding is the only legal way to travel
#186 Carjacking Concerns
4. urban citizens are forced onto public transport while rural citizens ride horses and buggies
#256 Easter Egg: Suburbs Are Out of This World
2. white-collar unemployment skyrockets as the suburbs are not within bicycling distance to work (@@EGG@@)
#272 Slow Down, You're Going Too Fast
3. bicycle parking sheds have sprouted like mushrooms near rail stations after cars were banned
#290 Wheels of Misfortune
4. heavy industry grinds to a halt as new equipment must be biked in
#302 Delivering Mayhem in Thirty Minutes or Less!
1. many feel that the government's ban on cars to combat reckless driving was "a tad excessive"
#408 Easter Egg: Pony Peril
3. ponies working in the nation's salt mines have a life expectancy of weeks (@@EGG@@)
#539 All My Bits Are Belong to You
4. the nation has reverted back to an agrarian society after anything more advanced than the wheel was banned
#713 Life in the Bike Lane
4. the nation's infamous rickshaw ambulances often double as hearses
#784 The Driving Force
5. mail and shipped goods take forever to get to buyers
#997 [The Enemy Within] Not a Second Time
5. mandatory blunting of cutlery has increased the popularity of soup-based meals

Removed by:

#73 @@NAME@@ - Without Cars, Going Nowhere Fast
1. the ban on cars has been repealed
2. the ban on cars has been repealed
3. the government is spending millions on alternative clean-burning fuels
#625 Delivering the Goods
11. former customs officers are adjusting to their new lives as market stall traders
#907 A Problem Shared
5. cars are allowed to drive in bike lanes
#945 Police on the Take
2. crimes are difficult to stop as most of the police force is stuck in traffic
#1022 Failure to Respond
5. the "good old days" of road traffic accidents and smog-filled cities are back
#1181 Jolly Jousting Japes
2. motorbike jousters live young and die fast
3. motorbike jousters live young and die fast
#1310 Intimate Relations
7. excited Romeos drive all the way to the next village for a date

barren, inhospitable landscape

Gained from:

#170 Deserts Devouring @@NAME@@'s Countryside
3. @@NAME@@ has become a gigantic dustbowl filled with tourists and mean desperados
#299 Some Like It Hot; Others Don't
3. surfers ride tsunamis of record height and toxicity
4. the state has declared war on the environment and environmentalists by association
#599 Dead in the Water
1. oil rigs in winter are heated by contained oil slick fires
2. oil rigs in winter are heated by contained oil slick fires
4. the dead fish in the national rivers aren't decomposing because even bacteria can't survive the levels of toxicity
#682 Exhaust Every Option
3. people say that smog must be good for you because of its healthy green colour

Sometimes gained from:

#2 Reclaim the Streets!
2. bicyclists are banned from major roads
3. the automotive industry soaks up huge government handouts
#4 Economic Collapse Looms!
2. the government is attempting to revitalize a gutted private sector
3. the government is attempting to revitalize a gutted private sector
#9 @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ on the Dinner Table?
2. a nation-wide cull of @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ is in effect
#10 Social Inequality Reaching Embarrassing Levels
1. the streets are increasingly clogged with poverty-stricken beggars
#19 @@NAME@@ Awash With Red-Rimmed Eyes
1. marijuana is legal in the privacy of your own home
#23 Uranium Deposit Promises to Enrich @@NAME@@
1. the country's famous rainforests are being bulldozed by the mining industry
2. the country's famous rainforests are being bulldozed by the mining industry
5. the mining industry is making inroads into environmentally sensitive areas
#24 Budget Time: Accountants Excited
4. citizens are enjoying a recent large cut in taxes
#30 Auto Industry Struggles Against Foreign Imports
1. punitive tariffs protect local industry
2. there are no minimum wage laws
#36 International Community Comes Doorknocking
4. the government extracts trade concessions from poor nations in exchange for humanitarian aid
#39 Scandal Rocks @@NAME@@'s Government!
4. government officials frequently cut taxes as a distraction from antics with their secretaries
#49 Diving for @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@
1. the government seizes all major gold finds
2. citizens are regularly found digging for treasure in their gardens
#53 Orbital Armageddon?
1. billions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are being blown on orbital weapons development
#60 Supreme Court Nomination
1. the judicial branch is strongly influenced by major corporations
#61 Should the Government Grant Estates and Titles of Nobility?
1. society and government have been organized according to a feudal hierarchy
#68 Ornery Overcrowding Problem
1. the government regularly hires contractors to construct high rise apartments
2. factories are regularly demolished to make way for low-cost housing areas
#69 Power Problems Need Bright Solution
2. vile black smog from coal power plants has enveloped several major urban centres
3. protesters are up in arms over new nuclear power stations
#73 @@NAME@@ - Without Cars, Going Nowhere Fast
1. the ban on cars has been repealed
2. the ban on cars has been repealed
3. the government is spending millions on alternative clean-burning fuels
#74 @@NAME@@'s Racers Growing Fast and Furious
1. the @@NAME@@ Automotive Racing Series draws millions of spectators annually while those near the tracks complain about the noise
#75 Cutting Off Sex Offenders?
4. convicted felons are forced into slavery for their crimes
5. convicted felons are forced into slavery for their crimes
#79 @@NAME@@'s @@ANIMALPLURAL@@: Going the Way of the Dodo?
2. woodcutter axes are cited as the most common cause of death amongst @@ANIMALPLURAL@@
#83 High-Speed Monorail Service Promises Connections
1. government spending has hit an all-time low
#89 "Don't Dam Our Rivers, Damnit!" Say Protesters
2. scenic mountain valleys are flooded with water as damming projects get underway
#90 Organic Outburst
2. a survey of the nation's rivers and children has shown that pesticide levels are at an all-time regional high
#95 Painful Prices Paid at the Pump
1. pristine wilderness has been trashed in the quest for cheaper oil
#96 Water Supply Problems Becoming a Major Drain
3. suburban families are finding themselves increasingly short on food as they waste precious water on their lawns
#97 Landfills Filling Up
2. cities are engulfed by smog
3. many of the country's largest dumps can be seen from space
#100 Road Rage Rampage
1. traffic jams are a common sight due to construction work from a massive overhaul of the nation's freeways
#102 For Whom the Road Tolls
2. new urban roads are threatening city parks
#110 Too Low on Laws, Say Citizens
2. the land is famous throughout the region for its rampant lawlessness
#111 Southern @@NAME@@ Demands Semi-Autonomy
3. protesters against the government are hanged as a warning to others
#115 @@NAME@@'s Schoolchildren Not Learning the Lingua Franca
1. citizens are expected to be proficient in at least five languages
#118 Need for Speed?
1. the roads are notorious throughout the region for their peril
#124 To Paint or Not to Paint?
1. the studies of art and philosophy are banned
3. only the brainiest citizens become academics
#125 Bring Back the Ballot?
2. suppression of pro-democracy protests is a daily occurrence
#126 Outsourcing an Outrage, Say Demonstrators
3. corporations are either above the law or corrupting it
#129 Tribal Troubles
2. the tribal zone has been opened to up to 'economic interest' groups
3. the tribal zone has been opened to up to 'economic interest' groups
4. native tribes have been driven to extinction by hunting
#133 When @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ Attack!
4. @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ are frequently shot for looking at people 'in a funny way'
#135 A Taxing Dilemma
1. government officials have to mortgage their homes to make ends meet
#138 Keep the Greenbelt Green, Say Protesters
1. private businesses are paving paradises to put up parking lots
2. the government is paving paradises to put up parking lots
3. environmental protestors are being rounded up and taken away in sinister black vans as a massive land development campaign gets underway
4. environmental protestors are being rounded up and taken away in sinister black vans as a massive land development campaign gets underway
#142 Roads Like Roller Coasters, Complain Motorists
1. roads are often attended by round-the-clock construction crews
#151 Build Bigger Bombs, Advise Scientists
1. citizens live in superstitious fear of the mysterious glowing clouds that float over @@NAME@@
2. the nation has recently been attributed to the funding of terrorist organisations
3. the nation has recently been attributed to the funding of terrorist organisations
#152 A Capital Idea
1. the government has returned all business to private ownership
3. the government has legalised small-scale capitalism
#156 Waste Going to Waste, Says Industry Lobby
1. @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ with strange deformities like three eyes and tentacles have been seen prancing through the countryside where industrial waste is dumped
2. the nation's drinking water tends to glow green at night
#159 Think Tank Proposes Privatised Prisons
1. hundreds of thousands of convicts work as slaves in @@NAME@@'s many privately-owned prisons
#178 Free Press Too Free?
1. reporters often lose their jobs over fact-checking errors
#179 Mad @@ANIMAL@@ Disease Outbreak!
5. people all over @@NAME@@ are dying of 'Mad @@ANIMAL@@ Disease'
#184 Compulsory Military Service Under Attack
1. the military struggles with recruitment
#192 Coup d'Etat in @@NAME@@!
1. the national government has been dissolved by revolutionary insurgents
#193 Robots Leaving Workers Jobless
2. businesses often fire workers in favour of cheaper automatic systems
3. manual labourers must be willing to have cybernetic limbs to get a job
#194 A Request for Military Aid
3. the country has been 'going shopping' by annexing nearby nations for their resources
#195 Right of Way or Wrong of Way?
1. public footpaths are being slowly eroded by the burgeoning number of ramblers
3. all footpaths have tollbooths
#205 No More Broccoli, Beg Meat-Eaters
1. abattoirs are running at full capacity in response to skyrocketing demand
3. the consumption of vegetables is illegal
#206 @@NAME@@ Narrowly Misses Nuclear Accident
2. nuclear reactors are held together with party string and Hubba Bubba
3. neighbouring countries pay to situate their nuclear power plants in @@NAME@@
#208 Mine Collapse Rocks @@NAME@@
2. mining is the nation's most dangerous occupation
3. mining is the nation's most dangerous occupation
#209 Students Demand Financial Aid
1. the number of students attending university has reached a record high
3. it's normal to start working life with crippling financial debt
#213 Bus Drivers Say No to Double-Decked Deathtraps
2. the carcasses of double-deckers can be found littering high streets all around the country
3. the public transport system has been eliminated
4. the public transport system has been eliminated
#221 Outdated Tax Code Crushing @@NAME@@?
1. the government is in utter turmoil following the recent abolishment of the tax code
#223 Easter Egg: Zombie Attack!
6. the undead roam the streets and countryside at night (@@EGG@@)
#226 Expats Plea for Help in War-Torn Country
4. the world outside is only known of in folklore
#228 Mice in the Walls
1. nerds everywhere are rejoicing as they are reunited with their computers
#231 Jungle Fever
2. rice shortages have risen after paddy fields were drained to combat malaria
4. DDT is used widely to repel disease-carrying insects
#234 Corruption in the Lobby
2. Tesco was recently named as the new national treasurer
#235 From Green Pastures to Grey Wastelands
2. the Great @@NAME@@ Desert is reputedly the most uninhabitable place in the region
4. agricultural science is the most competitive subject at universities
#241 A Capital City for @@NAME@@?
3. all government facilities are built in the subterranean citadel of @@CAPITAL@@
5. the government has adopted a more thrifty attitude to administrating the country's needs
#242 Follow the Leader
2. @@LEADER@@ has been self-declared as the Most Supreme Magnificent Overlord of Everything You Ever Saw
#250 Recession, Depression, and Deficit
1. the country spends an increasingly large amount of its budget on grand scale projects of pharaonic proportions in a bid to boost the economy
5. the country is effectively ruled by large corporations and business consultants
#254 Freedom Comes at a Price
3. the booming slave trade is now government-funded
#257 @@LEADER@@ Assassinated... Almost
1. citizens simply have to point a weapon at a government official to get what they want
#260 Taxpayers on Strike!
1. the government has cut taxes in the face of widespread tax evasion
#261 Plastic, Plastic Everywhere
3. scenic tours are unheard of after most environmental laws were abolished
5. scenic tours are unheard of after most environmental laws were abolished
#263 Wind Farms Blowing Up a Storm
1. renewable energy projects have ground to a halt
#264 Not a Drop to Drink
2. almost all of @@NAME@@'s water is piped into the country from abroad for exorbitant prices
#265 To Bail or Not to Bail?
1. the government is spending billions of taxpayer @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ to support "struggling" industries
#273 Is Our Children Learning?
3. the state believes that children are what you make of them
4. the state believes that children are what you make of them
#278 Relief Is Coming... In Four to Six Weeks
1. contrails and thunderous rumbles have returned to the skies above
3. people take government jobs for the frequent flier miles
#282 Slum Village Extraordinaire
4. tourists flock from around the world to see @@NAME@@'s famed 'rainbow slums'
#283 Wealthy Flee to Tax-Free Havens
1. expats return home to a government devoid of social and environmental agencies
#285 A Right Not to Work?
2. police and sick people alike fear the Day of Rest as all institutions are forced to shut down
#286 A Whale of a Problem
2. seafood restaurants assure customers 'If it lives in the sea, it's on our menu'
#290 Wheels of Misfortune
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@-made cars tend to catch fire in people's driveways
#292 Tourists Wearing Out Their Welcome?
5. tourists need only sign on the dotted line to become citizens
#294 Ghost Riders on the Sly
5. the CEO of Laws Incorporated must sign off on all new bills
#296 Come on Baby, Fight My Fire
1. CEOs can't hear the term 'Fire Sale' without bursting into tears
#301 Are 'Friends' Electric?
1. environmentalists are staging large protests in front of reopened nuclear power plants
#304 Time for Paternity Leave, Say Dads
6. mandatory daycare is provided by the government
#305 Who's Occupying What?
2. millions of devastated 7-year-olds are denied astronaut and ballerina training
#308 Over, Under or Through?
1. @@NAME@@ Barrier Island residents anxiously await their 'Bridge to Somewhere'
2. the @@NAMEINITIALS@@BI Channel Tunnel project is plagued by delays
#310 Too Little Talk?
1. a recent political debate came to a quick close once the ruling party decreed it was "just plain silly"
#319 Sizing Up the Competition
1. teams of painters are converting road signs from horse lengths to kilometers
#324 "Tourism Tanking!" Trumpet Tabloids
2. visitors to the famed rainforests are instead taken to vast furniture factories
3. visitors to the famed rainforests are instead taken to vast furniture factories
#325 Blazing Through the Paper Trail
4. the National Archive now covers square miles of warehouses in order to accommodate its new stone tablets system
#331 Swept Away
3. children listen incredulously when their grandparents explain what a "running river" is
#338 The Silence and the Fury
2. most people suffer from some form of hearing loss
#339 The Bear Necessities
3. the economy is undergoing a traumatic transition to capitalism
#341 Where in the Woods Is Cindy SanFrancisco?
5. groups of three or more trees are cut down in the name of 'child safety'
#342 This Land Was Made for You and Me
2. prime picnicking sites are being paved over in the name of progress
5. residents of newly dried out bays live in fear of leaky dikes
#344 Trash Talk
5. tumbleweeds made of litter adorn city streets
#346 Oil's Well That Ends Well
4. Ollie the Oiled Seal welcomes throngs of tourists to the newly opened Oil Oasis Water Park
#355 Alien Invaders
4. the government's official position on invasive species is 'who cares?'
#370 The Unbearable Lightness of Government
1. money is being desperately pumped into the ruined economy
2. the government's economic policy is "sort it yourself"
#379 Stakes on a Plane
1. homeowners are evicted to make way for new runways
3. billions are being spent on a new island airport
#384 Out of the Royal Frying Pan
1. governments opposing @@NAME@@ are beset by rebels
#390 [An International Incident] An Unstable Situation
1. the nation's armed forces are recruiting thousands to help colonise Brasilistan
#391 [An International Incident] The Third Horseman of Brasilistan
2. Brasilistan has been announced as the nation's newest colony
#400 [An International Incident] Insurgents Resurgence
1. 'Coloniser-in-Chief' has become @@LEADER@@'s new moniker
#403 [An International Incident] We Done Killing Yet?
1. anyone found to be unemployed is shipped off to Brasilistan with a gun and a spade
#405 [An International Incident] Time for a Colonyoscopy!
3. "To Hell or to Marshland" is a common settler cry directed at native Brasilistanis
#414 Subpar Suburbs
1. town welcome signs list corporate sponsors
#425 Teach Your Farmers Well
3. bleach is the nation's most common pesticide
#428 Crop Circles Clutter @@CAPITAL@@
2. forecasts predict rains of loose lead and mortar shells for the next six weeks
#433 The Worst Storm to Hit @@NAME@@ Since...Yesterday?
3. the attempt to control the weather has ended in environmental disaster
#437 Blue Screen of Economic Death
1. citizens queue to get the reinstated bank notes and coins
#441 You've Got a Friend in Bee
3. foreign governments are looking into weaponizing the infamous @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ bee
4. foreign governments are looking into weaponizing the infamous @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ bee
#445 Evasive Maneuvers
1. corporations claim the third ounce of any metal traded in a wicker-cone on the Sunday of a full moon as a charitable expense
#447 Honey, We Hung the Parliament
4. late night talk show hosts are having a field day over @@LEADER@@'s questionably sane new coalition partners
#449 A Big Fracking Problem
1. pollution is on the rise along with government approvals of fracking projects
2. pollution is on the rise along with government approvals of fracking projects
4. @@ANIMAL@@ sanctuaries have been taken over by hydraulic fracturing sites
#454 Don't Stead on Me!
1. hordes of gardening enthusiasts are being banished from cities nationwide
#457 Colossus With Feet of Clay
1. tourists flock to see the giant stone carvings of historical leaders at Mount Rushless
2. the giant 80-storey carving of @@LEADER@@ in Mount Rushless can be seen from space
#460 Salt of the Earth
1. the looming peasant rebellion has been called off after farming was legalized
#462 Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me
2. the installation of street lights across remote goat tracks has left citizens bemused
4. the native owl population is in permanent hibernation
#466 @@NAME@@ Is Never Ever Getting Back Together... Like Ever
4. the country has essentially become @@POPULATION@@ nations within a nation
#470 Tide Stops for No Man
1. scenic beaches are now protected by massive concrete walls
4. the government spends twice as much reclaiming lost settlements from the sea as it could've on coastal defences
#474 Mesozoic Park
1. sexually-starved male dinosaurs terrorise tourists during weekly breakouts from Mesozoic Park
3. idyllic countryside scenes see border collies herding sixty-ton dinosaurs
4. local councils have to call in dump trucks to clear parks of dinosaur droppings
#475 Where Have All the Flowers Gone?
2. penal labor is a de facto death sentence
#479 @@LEADER@@, Put on the Yellow Light
1. tardiness has increased after carpooling was classified as a criminal offense
#490 The Long and Winding Halls of @@CAPITAL@@
1. auditors are gutting every governmental department
2. the government regularly publishes lengthy reports on its own excessive recordkeeping
#505 Florists Blooming Mad
1. the nation's once beautiful countryside has turned brown as farmers spray potent pesticides
4. Maxtopians are both starving and giddy after the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ military unleashed its biological weapons
#509 It Was Asbestos Times, It Was the Worst of Times
3. hammering a nail into a wall is an effective death sentence
#512 Furnished for Failure
2. a mountain of discarded sofas and beds is incinerated every day
4. personal injury lawyers are demanding compensation from the government after recent reductions in manufacturer liability
#521 The Wreck of the Edward Fitzpatrick
1. freighter lifeboats have been replaced by state of the art marker buoys so divers can recover the cargo after they sink
3. model railroad hobbyists have taken to muscling model shipbuilders off their "turf"
#522 Time to Get Serious
2. maintaining economic growth is no laughing matter
#524 Something Is Rotten in the State of @@NAME@@
3. decaying farm hamlets have twice the representation of major urban areas
#525 Nowhere to Go!
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have replaced bears in a popular idiom
#526 Any Idea Where the Law Is, Bessie?
2. motorway service stations often have a higher population than the hinterland villages that the roads lead to
3. illegal moonshine operations get taken out with laser-guided airstrikes
#527 The Body Politic
1. cities in @@NAME@@ declare independence based on interpretation of the historic meaning of cave paintings
#530 Regenerative Permaculture Emergence
2. possession of tomato seeds with intent to garden is a criminal offence
3. possession of tomato seeds with intent to garden is a criminal offence
4. carrots are orange, apples are red and food waste is increasing
#542 What a Waste
4. global anti-terrorist organisations strongly suspect @@NAME@@ of supplying extremist groups
#546 Dumpster Divers Dividing Denizens
2. giant no-kill traps baited with Bapst Red Ribbon and vintage bicycles have been popping up in back alleys nationwide
#548 Appointment of a Science Advisor
2. every new toxic waste dump comes with a seal of approval from the government's science advisor
#553 Cede Our Seeds?
3. eerie glow-in-the-dark cornfields give farmlands an uncanny appearance
#556 Here Be Dragons?
3. failed genetic experiments wreak havoc as they roam the countryside
#559 The Low Aspiration Nation
3. the unemployed are quite literally sold to the highest bidder
#560 Bicameral Backlash
1. @@LEADER@@ has no checks and balances after the upper house was abolished
#563 Resistance Is Fertile
4. subsidisation of Big Pharma has stopped many corporate executives from having to sell their second homes
#569 Grand Prix de @@NAME@@?
1. crocodile roadkill is smeared across the asphalt of the new Formula One track
2. crocodile roadkill is smeared across the asphalt of the new Formula One track
4. the automobile industry is sitting up and taking notice of the new 24 hour race events... as are the track's sleepless neighbours
5. the automobile industry is sitting up and taking notice of the new 24 hour race events... as are the track's sleepless neighbours
#574 One Small Step for Private Enterprise?
1. the nation's interest in space is at an all-time high while interest in saving the planet is at an all-time low
3. 'To Regulate And Beyond' is the unofficial motto of the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Space Agency
#575 Sick Days for Sick Waves
1. victims of limb-mauling industrial accidents are told to keep working with their remaining hand
2. victims of limb-mauling industrial accidents are told to keep working with their remaining hand
#576 Light at the End of the Tunnel
3. children crying over dropped ice creams are offered high doses of experimental antidepressants
#577 Second World Problems
4. Party members are derided as class traitors
#579 Real Handwriting Has Curves
3. kids are exceptionally good at digging holes
#583 Don't Be a Busk-Kill
4. funerals are often rudely interrupted by juggling clowns shouting for volunteers from the audience
#590 When Trees Hug Back
4. @@NAME@@'s growing economy feeds on the nation's ever-declining greenery
5. @@NAME@@'s growing economy feeds on the nation's ever-declining greenery
#591 Bait and Switch
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ farm salmon are known for being both horribly diseased and remarkably acrobatic
3. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ farm salmon are known for being both horribly diseased and remarkably acrobatic
4. sushi just hasn't been the same since salmon went extinct overnight
#598 A Violet Trojan Horse
3. burning members of the Order of Violet is the nation's favorite pastime
#600 Making a House a Home
6. @@LEADER@@ often plays real life games of Tower Defense against hordes of angry villagers
#602 Hobby Lobby
6. a light facial coating of soot is seen as the mark of an honest and hardworking man
#621 Blue Collar Blues
1. no one born in @@NAME@@ can fix a leaky faucet
2. no one born in @@NAME@@ can fix a leaky faucet
3. trained plumber-burglars will clean out your blocked pipes and your jewellery boxes
4. libraries are replacing history books and classic novels with technical manuals and trades directories to match the nation's changing demands
#623 Maison d'Être?
2. the country is littered with broken homes
5. disputed territories across @@REGION@@ are being claimed by @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ college students
#627 The Bee-Ginning of a Catastrophe?
2. suspicious glow-in-the-dark wasps remain a source of terror and awe
3. suspicious glow-in-the-dark wasps remain a source of terror and awe
#628 Only @@LEADER@@ Can Prevent Forest Fires
1. forest fires have dropped dramatically as there are hardly any forests left
4. disaster relief budgets are growing like wildfire
#630 This Green and Pleasant Land
1. formerly fertile fields are being leached dry of nutrients by intensive farming
2. the working classes live and die on the fields of the farming communes
#634 Bullet Time
2. farmers are complaining that the buzzing and the sparks from the nearby MagRail are blighting their crops
#639 No Country for Old Men
3. cubicles often double as graves as citizens literally work themselves to death
4. cubicles often double as graves as citizens literally work themselves to death
#640 A Clear-Cut Conundrum
2. East Lebatuck tests its moon rovers in the barren wasteland of rural @@NAME@@
#641 Dirty Little Minds
2. major polluting industries have painted a lot of their machines green to give an impression of caring about the environment
4. corrupt industrial practices are spreading like a plague
#644 The Old Grey Matter
5. grannies with arthritic hands work miserably on factory production lines
#647 Songbirds' Decline Ruffles Feathers
4. it is a silent spring in @@NAME@@
#649 Made in Maxtopia
4. where your food came from is an unknowable mystery
#661 Scouting for Boys, Girls... Anyone?
2. no one knows how to tie a reef knot
#664 Your Land or Mine
1. no-one can foil the ambitions of Big Aluminium
3. indigenous tribal elders can be recognised by their designer watches and expensive suits
#667 One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Recyclable
3. unused plastic recycling bins are being dumped into landfills by the tonne
#668 How to Examine Your Testees
1. 4-year-olds studying for their mathematics exams are anxious that they will be unemployable in adulthood if they fail
3. home education can sometimes be a load of bullocks
#669 Watts Up With Rooftop Solar
1. panels from bankrupt rooftop solar companies are used as props for sci-fi B-movies
3. smog in @@CAPITAL@@ is so bad that fresh air bottles are sold by street vendors
#675 Trick or Treaty
2. the industries of @@NAME@@ are coughing all the way to the bank
4. toxic smog is dismissed as the populace just "letting off steam"
#676 Down the Rabbit Hole
1. wigged-out hunters report playing croquet with the Queen of Hearts
#677 Dial L for Loan
1. the new foreign policy is "why bother invading neighbours when they can be bought wholesale?"
#681 @@NAME@@'s New Year's Resolution: Lose Fewer Limbs
3. a firework a day does not in fact keep the doctor away
#685 Externalities Palmed Off
5. the government is purchasing vast amounts of palm oil for plastics production
#689 A Sticky Situation
2. the population's jaw muscles put sharks to shame
3. the population's jaw muscles put sharks to shame
#693 Bottled Up Problems
2. distrust of taps has many people bathing only with bottled mineral water
#695 How to Succeed in Business Without Really Paying Taxes
1. citizens often pray for divine guidance in supermarkets
#699 Pipe Down, Already!
2. children keel over while singing "@@LEADER@@ Gives Us the Water of Life"
3. children keel over while singing "@@LEADER@@ Gives Us the Water of Life"
4. safe drinking water is considered a luxury
5. poverty is disloyal to the Motherland
6. the nation's water should not be ingested while operating heavy machinery
#706 A Walk in the Park
2. citizens complain about a burning sensation after bathing
#710 Feudal Feuds
1. a serf by any other name works just as hard
#713 Life in the Bike Lane
2. the local custom of Biking With The Cars sends tourists home bemused or in body-bags
3. it is common to still see adults with training wheels on their bikes
#717 Cheques and Balances
2. @@LEADER@@ sports gold-plated grillz to promote the government's hard money policy
3. @@LEADER@@ sports gold-plated grillz to promote the government's hard money policy
4. interest rates mysteriously drop whenever the CB@@NAMEINITIALS@@ Governor goes house hunting
#725 Sky's the Limit?
1. wealthy pranksters dump refuse on unsuspecting citizens from up high
#726 Jobless Fair
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ companies generally just fire employees in lieu of giving them vacation
5. three-year-olds have tantrums because they don't want to be drainage technicians when they grow up
#727 Market Crash
1. broken suspension systems are giving auto repair shops plenty of business
2. historic buildings are being demolished to allow for road-widening in the city centre
5. the sidewalk is used as an overtaking lane by city drivers
#733 The Path Less Traveled
1. exorbitant spending on icebreakers breaks the ice at every budget meeting
2. exorbitant spending on icebreakers breaks the ice at every budget meeting
3. every spring railroad foundations erode to reveal human remains
4. every spring railroad foundations erode to reveal human remains
6. aggressive promotion of global warming puts polar bears on thin ice
#737 Bird-Brained Diplomacy
2. the military will start wars with other nations on a lark
#751 @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ Breed Contempt
1. no animal is considered endangered if there's another that looks kind of like it
3. condos feature wall-mounted cages containing endangered animals
#754 The Hit Parade
3. half of @@NAME@@ just lost MyFace after space debris collided with a major communications satellite
#758 Bye Bye to the Birdies?
2. the weather in @@CAPITAL@@ is always 'pigeons with a chance of droppings'
#766 Carbon Emissions Are Why We Can't Have Nice Things
1. business leaders commend the government for enacting an emissions reduction strategy that reduces no @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ emissions at all
2. industry leaders commend the government for enacting an emissions reduction strategy that reduces no @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ emissions at all
5. @@LEADER@@ has incinerated the international climate treaty in a public coal-burning ceremony
#769 How to Print Money?
3. most @@CURRENCY@@ coins are riddled with bite marks
5. the barter economy has taken over as the @@CURRENCY@@ has become worthless
#772 Do You Have Artistic License?
1. dentists routinely perform open heart surgery
#774 Clean Switch
1. dubiously qualified Skandilundian barristers keep referring to laws as 'government guidelines'
2. dubiously qualified East Lebatuckese doctors prescribe ice baths as a treatment for pneumonia
#784 The Driving Force
3. double-parking is on the rise as automobile numbers increase
4. many believe climate change is a liberal media fiction
#793 [@@CAPITAL@@gate] Knock Knock. Who's There? Not You Anymore!
3. the entirety of @@LEADER@@'s administration can be crammed into a phone booth
#808 Big Trouble in Little Dàguó
1. the government advises foreign diplomats to speak softly and carry a big bag of cash
4. it is often said that only @@LEADER@@ could bring down Dàguó
#809 So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
3. neighboring nations are tired of @@LEADER@@'s big fish stories
4. neighboring nations are tired of @@LEADER@@'s big fish stories
5. the single fish caught by @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ fishers last year is cited as evidence of @@NAME@@'s thriving fisheries
#810 Armed and Unready
5. nobody is forced to join the armed forces
#814 A Topic of Ethical Import
2. vats of anabolic steroids are being dumped into the ocean to make @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ mussels the biggest in @@REGION@@
#815 Embargoed In
5. the nation is devoted to world peas
#816 A Hot Topic
2. the Forestry Department has decided you really can't fight fire with fire
3. government employees from @@NAME@@ dominate international lumberjack competitions
4. government employees from @@NAME@@ dominate international lumberjack competitions
#825 Bugging Out on Beef
4. diners regard burgers made from mechanically reclaimed cow protein as "proper meat"
#826 Licensing Driving @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Crazy
2. for just a few extra @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ can get new driving records with their new cars
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ visiting rural Southern @@ANIMAL@@ Village can get their driving records clean for a small fee
4. hit and run driving is no longer a crime - it's the national sport
#829 Winning at Battleship
1. ships are encouraged to deliberately run aground onto @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ beaches
#830 Unreasonable Adjustments?
3. children who can't memorize their multiplication tables are sent to the mines
4. children who can't memorize their multiplication tables are sent to the mines
#842 @@LEADER@@ and the Chocolate Factory
2. chocolate in @@NAME@@ has its flavour enhanced by the salty tears of enslaved factory workers
#847 All the Lonely People
4. lonely people are supposed to be cheered up by the many parties that they are never invited to
#860 A Blast From the Past
1. the tools of the trade for landmine clearance appear to be copious amounts of gasoline and a box of matches
#862 Friends Close, Enemies Closer
9. government ministers sport new billboards that read 'Will Trade Votes for Private Members' Bill Support'
#863 Oiling the Wheels of Diplomacy
2. the moral worth of national allies is judged by their GDP
3. military training in @@NAME@@ emphasizes the tactical advantages of stabbing backs
#865 A Funeral for a Fiend?
4. the government only announces the deaths of its members when it's convenient
#869 I'll Be in My Bunker
1. there's a hole in the heart of every @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ city
2. property subletting is going underground
3. residential tower blocks are surrounded by warrens of concrete tunnels
4. cleaners are very careful not to bump into the big red button on @@LEADER@@'s desk
#871 It's Not Easy Being Red
5. the "Brave New World" program has caused private businesses to spring up faster than the East Lebatuck Wall
#877 Gunning for Profits
4. old warplanes and tanks that break down can't be repaired since no one makes the parts anymore
#888 Criminal Patterns
1. road signs are getting harder to read under layers of knitted woolen cardigans
#893 Bread is the Stuff of Strife
2. bread-gangs raid restaurant waste bins to stockpile uneaten rolls
#895 Stop Training and Start Coaching
1. the "temporary replacement bus service" is now a permanent fixture
#900 Piracy on the High Trees
4. newly-privatized lumberjacks are clearcutting the forest to meet demand
5. the only place where one can see the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ cherry tree is in a museum
#904 Yours Insincerely
1. the government only invests in infrastructure after a natural disaster
#907 A Problem Shared
4. boom-and-bust cycles are being peddled as economically inevitable
5. cars are allowed to drive in bike lanes
#920 Central Planning Theatrics
2. theatre audiences often need a telescope to see the stage
3. ticket touts are blamed for the downfall of communism
#921 It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad @@NAME@@
3. the nation's forests are full of treasure hunters in military-grade survival gear
#923 Ministers Exposing Themselves
3. it's rumored that Marche Noire knows what the nation's generals eat for breakfast
#936 Hackable Elections?
2. write-in candidate '@@LEADER@@ Sucks' is perennially popular
4. it's said that any enemy of democracy is a friend to @@LEADER@@
#937 Ebony Pride
2. everybody's got wood thanks to @@LEADER@@
3. reddish-brown is the new black
#945 Police on the Take
2. crimes are difficult to stop as most of the police force is stuck in traffic
#947 Imitation Station
1. drivers regularly pull over for nonexistent police cars
#951 The Wrath of the Fish King
1. fish with fish chips have become the new @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ food staple
4. the idiom 'there are plenty of fish in the sea' isn't so reassuring to @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@
#956 The Bottom of the Gun Barrel
2. unemployed youngsters trained to kill are being released en masse into society
#958 Pay No Attention to That Donor Behind the Curtain!
4. every political office comes fitted with a typewriter and an old filing cabinet
#974 Siren Song
2. the banshee wail foretells skies of death
#980 Small Claims
4. the government has been criticized for giving away @@NAME@@'s territory to anyone who claims it
#986 Poacher Pandemic
1. wildlife parks are packed with poachers yet increasingly devoid of animals
#1002 The Call of Nature
2. there are fifty shades of yellow in outdoor swimming pools
3. there are fifty shades of yellow in outdoor swimming pools
4. allergy-sufferers must wear gas masks before venturing outdoors
#1003 That Smarts
2. gene-engineered sewerjacks don't smell but they do stink
#1006 Opening the Door to Controversy
4. movement-triggered sensors mean that for every door that closes another one opens
#1021 Room and Board Games
4. multilingual concierges man empty inner city apartment blocks
#1022 Failure to Respond
5. the "good old days" of road traffic accidents and smog-filled cities are back
#1026 Size Matters
4. citizens are told that foreigners are hungry ghosts who eat the flesh of the overly curious
#1028 Can't Get Enough of You Baby
1. toddler groups have taken over local libraries
#1030 Looking Down in the Dumps
2. millions of simultaneously backfiring toilets have flooded @@CAPITAL@@ with effluent
#1038 Maid to Order
1. members of ethnic minorities are more often called "boy" or "girl" than by their actual names
3. slaving over a hot stove to cook the family dinner isn't metaphorical in @@NAME@@
#1047 Rivers of Blood
2. the newest shade developed by @@NAME@@'s dye industry has been dubbed 'Agent Orange'
3. the rainbow assortment of chemicals in the water has turned the frogs gay
#1051 Take to the Skies
2. former planespotters are dusting off long-abandoned anoraks
#1054 Herbal Trouble
1. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are wondering where have all the flowers gone
#1057 Baby, It's Cold Outside
3. surf's up and hypothermia's down
#1058 LEEDing From Behind
3. the nation's endangered species are no longer endangered
#1059 Footing the Bill
1. Calvinball players are lost for days as they wander the vast halls of their new academies
#1060 Hole in the Wall
3. official maps have to be revised on a weekly basis
#1061 Every Day I'm Muffling
2. it's not just poseurs who wear oversized sound-cancelling headphones as they walk the city streets
#1065 Pulling Out
4. the climate agreement has actually increased the volume of hot air in the atmosphere
5. the nation has learned that pulling out is messy
#1068 Made to Break
2. frequent broken zippers have resulted in safety pins making a fashion comeback
#1069 Bowl Motions
2. the roar of the Niagara 3000 mega-loo can be heard several blocks away
#1071 Up the Creek
3. the canal flows through the land like a twisty turny thing
4. the nation excels at displacement
5. the nation excels at displacement
#1083 Public Protesting Pawnbroker Pickpockets
1. thrift shops are closing their doors
#1095 Make the Cut
4. kids only know what plants are because they've seen them on the television
#1105 A Green History Lesson
2. residents of ageing concrete tower blocks have vital renovation work stopped by Brutalism enthusiasts
#1112 Stray Bullets
3. the domestic version of the Paddington Bear movie was a far shorter and bloodier tale
#1116 To Each According to His Feed
5. the red star of communism has been replaced by the gold star of the McRonald's badge
#1118 We Can't Cross That Bridge When We Come to It
2. scaffolding is built around scaffolding to give safe access
#1127 The Fast and the Fossilized
2. grannies get pulled over for knitting pullovers while driving
#1133 Rocky Road
3. an increasing number of citizens believe the world is flat
4. an increasing number of citizens believe the world is flat
#1145 Your Wild Self(ie)
2. choking on @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ is a leading cause of death for wild animals
#1150 Back Lash Backlash
1. most believe it doesn't hurt to embrace free trade
3. extraordinary rendition is nothing out of the ordinary
#1163 Some Assembly Required
4. legislators must raise their hands if they want to speak
#1164 What a Gneiss Place We've Got Here
2. an underground group of geologists hides new discoveries to protect them from being destroyed in the name of safety
#1166 Acres Wild
2. the backs of 'No Trespassing' signs were made for you and me
#1179 Nothing Fishy
2. ports have ground to a halt as no boat can reach them without trespassing
#1181 Jolly Jousting Japes
2. motorbike jousters live young and die fast
3. motorbike jousters live young and die fast
#1182 Thanks, but No Thanks
1. the government considers the rising number of McRonald's fast food restaurants to be great progress
#1193 Relocating the Living Room
1. colonists who were promised new lands find only war-torn devastation
2. the government maintains a Department of Skulduggery
4. tours to see the 'wild men of the mountains' are popular with tourists from the big cities
#1195 All Hands on Tap!
1. the government has officially clarified that "wee on your hands to save time" does not count as proper hygiene
#1202 A Timely Intervention
3. the well-to-do in @@REGION@@ are never on time for important appointments
5. citizens pray for sunshine so that they can use illicit sundials for timekeeping
#1206 Gross Domestic Product
3. garbage bags floating down the river are churned up by man-made rapids
#1213 The War of Man and Beast
4. the nation's iron imports are booming
#1225 The Rumors, They Fly
2. children are encouraged to chase pigeons
#1228 The Road to Hell
3. only the fast and the furious are brave enough to drive
#1230 Home Hunger
1. new pests have been imported into @@NAME@@
#1245 Sheepish Students
4. the wealthiest parts of the country receive the most government spending
#1246 Breath of the Wild
2. the cycle of extinction and rebirth is never ending
3. the old neighbourhood isn't how most @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ remember it
#1248 A Day to Remember
4. red rinses are frequently applied to grey hair
#1253 Build a Better Baby?
3. genetic screening weeds out citizens whose legs don't bend easily at the knee
#1269 All That Glitters
1. phenotypic plasticity is a struggle for sealife in polluted waters
4. blocked storm drains cause sanitation problems
#1271 Cathedrals Have Never Been Hotter
1. sermons are regularly interrupted by businessmen taking phone calls
#1275 You Cruise, You Lose?
3. photos of picturesque coastal buildings are set against a backdrop of smokestacks and ship hulls
#1281 The Not-So-Worldwide Web
1. "Surfin' @@TYPEINITIALS@@@@NAMEINITIALS@@" is a hit
#1286 Burning Over a New Leaf
2. it's a marvellous night for a moon dance as the sparks on your home start to rise
4. polychromatic seas of leaves blanket the ground while sewers and drain pipes are clogged by their detritus
5. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ wonder "if a tree falls in the woods with no credible witnesses, who wants to know?"
#1290 Why Didn't the @@ANIMAL@@ Cross the Road?
3. @@LEADER@@ has declared a weed sticking through a crack in the sidewalk to be the nation's newest green space
#1298 Ranchers Get Thrown to the Wolves
1. cowboys often wear wolfskin jackets to the saloon
#1301 Meat the Neighbours
2. the end of communism came with retail rather than revolution
#1307 A Duty to Serve
4. record numbers of students are leaving school to enter the workforce
#1310 Intimate Relations
7. excited Romeos drive all the way to the next village for a date
#1311 An Acquired Taste
4. gaping tourists take long-distance photos of diseased natives on "indigenous peoples" safari tours
#1318 Blitzed
7. skyscrapers get built in just days
#1327 Which Right Is Right?
3. people often complain that they're going in circuitous routes all the time
#1337 Waste Not Want Not
2. sometimes a single pallbearer is all you need
#1346 The Problem With Peyote
3. would-be mescaline users often describe a crawling sensation on their skin
#1357 Scattered Showers
3. space has been brought down to earth with constellations of cancer cases across @@NAME@@
4. scientific progress marches ever forward with the first ever launch of a cheeseburger into space
#1361 Fundamental Rights
4. the nation's girls answer "apple" when asked what makes pi
#1368 Parking Hell
2. parking's carefree without parking car fees
#1385 [MADness] Skycrash
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have become death, the destroyer of worlds
#1386 [MADness] The Spy Who Tricked Me
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have become death, the destroyer of worlds
#1412 Another Day, Another Dollar
1. the government hopes austerity will lead to prosperity
3. the @@CURRENCY@@ is worth its weight in gold
#1415 The Melting Point
3. people are always complaining about dam builders running behind schedule
#1420 Trading Climate Sours
2. the nation's new flagship trading company deals exclusively in things no one wants
#1424 Here's Looking at Zoo, Kid
1. recapturing giraffes is proving to be a tall order
#1429 The Wind Become Death
4. the stratosphere is full of "silent but deadly" attacks from @@LEADER@@'s rear echelons
#1430 Taking the Peace?
3. requests to "pass the salt" are supported by tank divisions
#1432 Oh Dear
1. if you go into the woods today you're sure of a big surprise
#1434 Blood on Your Nuts
3. slavers are real nutters
#1436 Meat Meet
3. the legalization of meat has skewered the sales of vegetarian substitutes
#1439 Philately Will Get You Nowhere
1. the digital money revolution has cashed out
#1443 Forage and Forget
2. foragers descend on national cemeteries for 'all-you-can-dig-up' extravaganzas
3. money grows on trees
#1444 Trouble in Deed
1. returning vacationers often find that their property is now a construction site
#1450 Driving @@LEADER@@
2. @@LEADER@@ can be seen doing doughnuts in a new Rambogini
3. @@LEADER@@ can't hear a thing when the unwashed masses throw rocks at the new state limousine
4. @@LEADER@@'s used car is held together by bumper stickers that support the opposition
#1452 Hello Darkness My Old Friend
1. the government has declared "all your rigs are belong to us"
2. the government enables frack addiction
3. noises of neighbourhood generators have pierced the sound of silence
#1453 A Salt and Battery
1. the environment is gorgeous so long as you're looking up
#1454 Poplar Opinion
3. biological warfare is used to solve small disagreements
4. dandruff and athlete's foot are seen as signs of physical beauty
#1459 Friends With Tax Benefits
3. unemployed accountants keep double-entry ledgers of their benefit claims
#1460 A Burning Question
2. the end of autumn is celebrated with a bonfire of designer bags
#1463 Sandbagging
1. half-submerged and flooded seaside hotels are technically still next to the beach
3. birdsong in the mountains has to be loud enough to drown out nearby jackhammers
#1473 A Pretty Pass
2. the government has to take out its Visa to eliminate visas
#1492 Smoke on the Water
4. the @@ANIMAL@@ has a hungry look
#1501 Diamond in the Rough
4. spotted owl meat is used as bait to lure wolves into traps
#1502 Dirty Deals
1. coastlines are giant slag heaps
3. work stinks
4. work stinks
#1509 Parks and Aggravation
2. certain national parks offer tanning beds because the visitors never go outside
3. certain national parks offer tanning beds because the visitors never go outside
7. the tallest mountains are adorned with roller coasters
#1511 Three Little Words
3. families burn @@LEADER@@'s latest official photograph to keep warm
#1513 Bunged Up
2. the Treasury has been accused of flushing money down the toilet
3. shipping canals are a bit like unimaginative cheese shops -- filled with debris
#1519 Remittances Running Rampant
2. foreign workers are flooding in as @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ flood out

Removed by:

#1509 Parks and Aggravation
5. the latest national park is visited by more sharks than people

Sometimes removed by:

#2 Reclaim the Streets!
1. cars are banned
#4 Economic Collapse Looms!
1. all industry is owned and run by the government
#7 Animal Liberation Front Strikes Again
3. vegetarianism is compulsory
#8 Nudists Demand Time in Sun
2. public nudity is compulsory
#9 @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ on the Dinner Table?
3. the @@ANIMAL@@ is a protected species
#19 @@NAME@@ Awash With Red-Rimmed Eyes
2. all recreational drugs are legal
#23 Uranium Deposit Promises to Enrich @@NAME@@
3. tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests
4. tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests
#30 Auto Industry Struggles Against Foreign Imports
3. all tariffs have been abolished
#31 Get Efficient, Private Sector Tells Nature
1. citizens must pay to enjoy @@NAME@@'s pristine beaches
2. citizens must pay to enjoy @@NAME@@'s pristine beaches
3. a government program is underway to revitalize @@NAME@@'s beaches
#37 Traffic Cops Needed on Information Superhighway?
2. the country has unplugged its internet connection to prevent subversive content
#41 Software Giant Stomps on Competition
3. citizens frequently whisper of the Internet as 'the domain of the devil'
#49 Diving for @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@
3. the mining industry has taken a hit from tighter environmental regulations
#53 Orbital Armageddon?
3. the space program has been scrapped in order to focus on more terrestrial pursuits
#57 Electronic Plague in @@NAME@@!
4. the recent ban on computers is causing havoc throughout the nation
#60 Supreme Court Nomination
6. @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ have more rights than the average citizen
#68 Ornery Overcrowding Problem
3. the number of children one can have is restricted by law
#69 Power Problems Need Bright Solution
1. prime real estate is devoted to wind farms and solar energy generators
#74 @@NAME@@'s Racers Growing Fast and Furious
2. police spend their Saturday nights breaking up illegal street races
#76 Suits in Protest
4. local executives are seen on the corner with cardboard signs reading "will oppress the masses for food"
#79 @@NAME@@'s @@ANIMALPLURAL@@: Going the Way of the Dodo?
1. the @@ANIMAL@@ is protected from hunting and slowly coming back from the brink of extinction
3. the only places to see @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ now are at local zoos
#82 AI Researchers Rally for Android Rights
3. computers have been banned
#83 High-Speed Monorail Service Promises Connections
3. a vast monorail network carries people all over the country
4. a vast monorail network carries people all over the country
#89 "Don't Dam Our Rivers, Damnit!" Say Protesters
1. flash floods that dams could have controlled regularly ravage small towns in mountain valleys
#90 Organic Outburst
1. all-natural foods are becoming a major fad
3. people are moving into treehouses in record numbers
#95 Painful Prices Paid at the Pump
2. the government is spending millions on renovating the public transportation system
#96 Water Supply Problems Becoming a Major Drain
4. riots have broken out as a water shortage threatens @@NAME@@'s stability
5. crooks and people with too many kids are being kicked out of the country
#97 Landfills Filling Up
1. space shuttles regularly launch rubbish into space
4. waste is frequently shipped to other countries
#100 Road Rage Rampage
2. the government has started a campaign to crack down on road rage and encourage alternate means of commuting
#102 For Whom the Road Tolls
1. motorists must pay to enter inner-cities during peak hours
3. cars have been banned
#103 Plague of the Hybrids!
1. wildlife near farms is slowly becoming extinct
3. @@ANIMAL@@ populations thrive as dogs are slaughtered in the millions
#104 Public Loudspeakers Shrill With Controversy
3. ad-blocking has been nationalised
#109 Karate Kids Cause Controversy
4. the state believes that nature-oriented summer camps will somehow solve youth crime
#118 Need for Speed?
2. the average commuter spends four hours a day driving to and from work
#129 Tribal Troubles
1. large sections of @@NAME@@ have been named national reserves to protect the native tribes living there
5. a primitive society is being eroded as its youth flock to the modern world
#135 A Taxing Dilemma
2. the sound of wooden legs echo throughout @@NAME@@ after the recent introduction of the Foot Tax
#138 Keep the Greenbelt Green, Say Protesters
5. there's a shortage of swinging hot spots as land development grinds to a halt
#147 Military Budgets Up for Approval
5. military service is compulsory
#151 Build Bigger Bombs, Advise Scientists
4. all weapon research has been banned
#154 Ban the 'Boards, Say Pedestrians
3. skateboarding is the only legal way to travel
#156 Waste Going to Waste, Says Industry Lobby
3. heavy industry must go to expensive lengths to dispose of waste
#157 Sergeants Are Too Nasty, Say New Recruits
4. newborns are being raised as mindless killing machines
#170 Deserts Devouring @@NAME@@'s Countryside
1. mysterious black helicopters menace farmers to ensure compliance with straitjacketing agricultural policies
2. owning a tractor is widely regarded as an essential prerequisite to most government positions
#173 Women Demand Equal Opportunities
3. mostly women are seen and not heard
4. men are expected to stay home to fix funny noises in the attic
#174 Maternity Leave a Must, Say Mothers
2. all mothers are allowed six months fully-paid maternity leave
#178 Free Press Too Free?
2. truth is often impossible to tell from fiction on the evening news
#179 Mad @@ANIMAL@@ Disease Outbreak!
4. farmers can be spotted driving gold-plated tractors
#182 Younger Voters a Cure for Apathy?
3. the nation's leader appoints ministers directly
#186 Carjacking Concerns
4. urban citizens are forced onto public transport while rural citizens ride horses and buggies
#193 Robots Leaving Workers Jobless
1. almost all products in @@NAME@@ are hand-crafted due to strict employment laws
4. the loom represents the height of @@NAME@@'s technology
#195 Right of Way or Wrong of Way?
2. large areas of @@NAME@@ are not accessible by the public
#200 Birds, Bees, and Breeding Teens
7. young girls often attend the same schools as their children
#202 Guns or Butter?
3. strategic bombers are being converted into preschools
#205 No More Broccoli, Beg Meat-Eaters
2. illegal hunting is rife after veganism was recently made compulsory
#206 @@NAME@@ Narrowly Misses Nuclear Accident
4. @@NAME@@'s nuclear power is imported from neighbouring countries
5. nine out of ten citizens of @@NAME@@ answered 'nuclear safety inspector' when asked their occupation
#208 Mine Collapse Rocks @@NAME@@
1. mining safety laws are often more expensive than what's being mined
#209 Students Demand Financial Aid
4. closed universities are currently being converted into McRonald's restaurants
#213 Bus Drivers Say No to Double-Decked Deathtraps
5. @@NAME@@'s heavy congestion charges are the bane of motorists' lives
#216 Eminent Domain: Inherent Right or Daylight Robbery?
1. eminent domain has been abolished
3. the government seizes private property for the 'good of the people'
#221 Outdated Tax Code Crushing @@NAME@@?
1. the government is in utter turmoil following the recent abolishment of the tax code
#224 Minimum Wage War
2. unemployment is through the roof after the government enacted living wage laws
#234 Corruption in the Lobby
1. corporate lobbying has been outlawed
#235 From Green Pastures to Grey Wastelands
1. high food prices have reduced the national diet to staple foods and water
3. supermarkets and large corporate farms are a thing of the past
#248 The Sky Is Falling
5. aeroplanes have been converted into housing units after all air travel was outlawed
#250 Recession, Depression, and Deficit
4. the crackdown on private property seems as endless as the government issued food stamp lines
#255 Welfare Programs Not Faring Well
5. the government enforces a policy of 'from each according to their ability, to each according to the available budget'
#261 Plastic, Plastic Everywhere
1. shoppers have literally had their hands full since plastic bags were banned
2. the nation's industries are scrambling to switch to biodegradable plastics
4. the entire retail industry has been replaced by online delivery services
#263 Wind Farms Blowing Up a Storm
2. the countryside is shrouded by wind farms
3. @@NAME@@ has one of the largest offshore wind farms in the world
#264 Not a Drop to Drink
1. fewer people are bathing as citizens must show ration stamps before they can turn on their faucets
#265 To Bail or Not to Bail?
3. businesses that prove successful are immediately broken up
#272 Slow Down, You're Going Too Fast
3. bicycle parking sheds have sprouted like mushrooms near rail stations after cars were banned
#278 Relief Is Coming... In Four to Six Weeks
2. survivors receive aid from only the most environmentally-friendly transport
#279 A Vat Lot of Trouble
5. trouble-makers are frequently turned in to the government to be 'recycled'
#285 A Right Not to Work?
4. midnight pizza breaks are common among the work-from-home population
#286 A Whale of a Problem
1. people are arrested for looking too sternly at whales
3. the government strictly regulates whale harvest quotas
4. fishing crews are regularly interrogated by surprisingly violent environmentalists
#290 Wheels of Misfortune
1. new safety regulations require all cars manufactured in @@NAME@@ to be bombproof
3. the nationalized auto industry is adept at making durable little cars nobody wants to drive
4. heavy industry grinds to a halt as new equipment must be biked in
#299 Some Like It Hot; Others Don't
1. grazing lands are filled with cattle wearing odd-looking anti-pollution devices
2. a punitive tax has been placed on harmful emissions
#302 Delivering Mayhem in Thirty Minutes or Less!
1. many feel that the government's ban on cars to combat reckless driving was "a tad excessive"
#305 Who's Occupying What?
3. businesses are forced to bring all work back within the nation's borders
4. the military is blowing up any threat to employment within the nation
#308 Over, Under or Through?
4. island residents must resort to canoes and sailboats to get to work
#317 Big Brother Is Watching You Surf
3. the government is rounding up computers and beating them into plowshares
#319 Sizing Up the Competition
3. businesses are scrambling to adapt to the government's mandate that 'time and measurement no longer exist'
#323 Get Teens Out of MyFace?
4. computers are used primarily for word processing and solitaire
#335 Log Us Back On
3. computers are widely considered to be the "devil magic of heathens"
#338 The Silence and the Fury
1. noises louder than a whisper have been prohibited by law
#339 The Bear Necessities
1. workers have seized control of the economy
#342 This Land Was Made for You and Me
1. the new Refuse Hills housing development is under construction
#343 Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?
3. mandatory electronic currency is a boon for credit card companies and government surveillance
#344 Trash Talk
1. litter collection has replaced fast food as the most popular after-school job
2. daisy chain gangs plant flowers and pick up litter
3. the Hanging Gardens account for half of @@CAPITAL@@'s water use
4. the Hanging Gardens account for half of @@CAPITAL@@'s water use
#346 Oil's Well That Ends Well
1. oil executives can be seen reluctantly cleaning oil-soaked birds
3. wind farms are erected on shuttered oil platforms
#353 Broadband Going to the Birds?
3. stray cats threaten the fledgling avian-based internet
#355 Alien Invaders
1. the government keeps introducing new foreign species to combat the previous ones it has introduced
2. it's always rabbit season
3. invasive species are hunted by the gendarmerie
#356 @@NAME@@ in the Time of Cholera
1. the nation is now proudly cholera-free
#367 What's Their Beef?
3. unemployed butchers line the streets
#368 Female Workers Feeling the Pinch
4. harassment has been stamped out under the high-heeled jackboots of a matriarchy
#374 Lion Dad Sparks Child-Rearing Sentiment
4. society has literally been thrown to the wolves
#379 Stakes on a Plane
2. planespotters are emigrating in droves
#389 [An International Incident] Sanctions, Sanctions Everywhere!
1. toilet paper is considered a non-essential item in the embargo against Brasilistan
#405 [An International Incident] Time for a Colonyoscopy!
1. the nation has gained millions of new citizens overnight
#414 Subpar Suburbs
2. government crews work tirelessly to retake the suburbs from organized packs of raccoons
4. towns that stop turning a profit are turned into animal sanctuaries
#424 You Just Sank My Battleship!
4. veterans are directed into environmental cleanup operations
#425 Teach Your Farmers Well
2. the Farmer's Almanac is the most popular college textbook
#429 No Representation Without Taxation?
3. factories grind to a halt every time there is an election
#431 Gone a Stray!
3. animal control is going door-to-door releasing all pets back into the wild
#439 The Law of Exodus
4. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have been enjoying a recent boost in civil rights as the government continues to clamp down on emigration
#441 You've Got a Friend in Bee
1. there has been a rapid increase of noise complaints over the sound of buzzing bees
2. EpiPen sales have skyrocketed
5. the government takes agricultural advice from a wasp-themed superhero
#442 You Can't Always Get What You Squat
3. a performance of the hit musical "Mamma Tua" has been delayed after squatters were found sleeping in the orchestra pit
#443 Five Year Plans and New Deals
1. job opportunities abound in the Hole Recycling industry
2. strategic economic sectors are controlled by the state
4. Viagra factories are being converted to producing antimalarials for Bigtopian orphans
#444 Virtually Assured Destruction
1. the nation is committed to nuclear rearmament
#445 Evasive Maneuvers
2. companies flee the nation rather than pay their fair share of taxes
#449 A Big Fracking Problem
3. drills and shovels have been banned as the government cracks down on any means of fracking
#454 Don't Stead on Me!
2. chickens roam the streets freely
4. food imports have skyrocketed after the recent 'Forage for Food' program severely backfired
#457 Colossus With Feet of Clay
3. tourists are forbidden to enter Native @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ lands
4. suburban backyards are seized by the government and turned into national parks
#459 Murder, He Shouted!
2. @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ facilities are being turned into @@ANIMAL@@ habitats
#462 Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me
1. disadvantaged neighbourhoods have become no-go areas after sundown
3. astronomers are flocking to @@NAME@@ to take advantage of its clear night skies
#463 Smart Cars Driving Regulators Up the Wall
4. self-driving cars have been banned
#470 Tide Stops for No Man
3. the logging industry is celebrating as tourists plaster @@NAME@@ with trees
#479 @@LEADER@@, Put on the Yellow Light
4. conspiracy theorists allege @@CAPITAL@@'s new subway map resembles Satanic symbols
#480 One Nation's Trash Is Another Nation's Trash
2. the government is trying to clean up all the rubbish that has washed up on the shores of Bigtopia and Marche Noire
#483 Do You Want Fries With That?
4. pizza parlors have been replaced by lima bean cafes
#486 An Impressing Dilemma
1. confused drunks wake up to irate drill sergeants whipping them into shape
#489 Standing at Attention
4. handsome young men are forced into uniforms by their dominant elders
#495 Beloved "Planet" Has Gone to the Dogs
3. the nation's leading climatologists are investigating animal flatulence in efforts to reduce methane emissions
#497 The Widening Gyre
1. the once prosperous capital is in utter decline
2. virtually all of the country's economic activity takes place in @@CAPITAL@@
#505 Florists Blooming Mad
2. criminals and college students are taking an interest in the government's new weed-killing program
#512 Furnished for Failure
3. the nation's reinforced coffee tables are constructed to survive an atomic blast
#521 The Wreck of the Edward Fitzpatrick
2. the average cargo freighter spends more than half its service life undergoing safety inspections
#523 A Family Affair
3. government-sanctioned speed mating is rife with Party-sanctioned abuse of power
#524 Something Is Rotten in the State of @@NAME@@
1. rural communities are all but disenfranchised as politicians focus all their attention on winning the deciding urban votes
#528 Privacy Concerns Reaching New Heights
3. citizens have to dodge their neighbors' drones while getting the morning paper
#530 Regenerative Permaculture Emergence
1. @@CAPITAL@@'s main city thoroughfare has been blocked by a row of leyland cypresses that mysteriously appeared overnight
#539 All My Bits Are Belong to You
4. the nation has reverted back to an agrarian society after anything more advanced than the wheel was banned
#542 What a Waste
2. with great power generation comes great responsibility
3. nuclear physics is the most popular course at university
#546 Dumpster Divers Dividing Denizens
1. nighttime sightings of raccoons sporting Circle-A patches and bandanna masks are on the rise
3. the Grinder at Fat Sal's Deli and Recycling Center is a national institution
#547 Fantastic Beasts and How @@NAME@@ Harmed Them
1. poaching has been on the rise after animals from the nation's zoos were released into the wild
2. whales in captivity live in little more than glorified goldfish bowls
3. whales in captivity live in little more than glorified goldfish bowls
4. the endangered saltwater humpback @@ANIMAL@@ is only seen in captivity programs
#548 Appointment of a Science Advisor
1. every new building project has to undergo a five-year environmental impact study before it can go ahead
#557 Take a Hike!
3. park rangers struggle to deal with a rash of stolen pic-a-nic baskets
#559 The Low Aspiration Nation
1. fruit pickers with degrees in @@ANIMAL@@ psychology are a common sight
#560 Bicameral Backlash
2. @@LEADER@@'s power is effectively nullified as no bill becomes law without the upper house's support
#561 Plug in and Play
2. children entertain themselves by throwing rocks through the windows of world-class museums
#565 'A' Is for Academic Doping
4. the nation's school children are fluent in Klingon but lack basic mathematical skills
6. the nation's school children are fluent in Klingon but lack basic mathematical skills
#569 Grand Prix de @@NAME@@?
6. @@LEADER@@ is adamant that ponies aren't just for little girls
#572 Reading, Your Rights
3. modern readers say a story is worthless without hyperlinked footnotes and editable wiki format
#574 One Small Step for Private Enterprise?
2. kids building model rockets in their backyard are grounded by Space Agency Rangers
4. falling satellites are regarded as a blessing from the gods
#575 Sick Days for Sick Waves
3. sea side cafes are required by law to close during summer
#591 Bait and Switch
1. maximum security fish farms leave caged salmon pining for the fjords
#593 A Right to Bare Arms?
4. fathers are free to sell their daughters to whomever they choose
#599 Dead in the Water
3. debate rages over whether ground fish guts can be spread on fields
#602 Hobby Lobby
3. @@LEADER@@ has been known to make speeches in fishing waders
#609 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@, Drugs, and Rock'n'Roll
3. the sanitised and dull music festivals of @@NAME@@ are famed for their reasonable volume levels
#618 The Jaws of a Dilemma
3. beaches are empty as the shark population multiplies exponentially
#621 Blue Collar Blues
5. economists speak of trusting in the Tao of Free Market Capitalism
#626 Carbon Copied
4. future forecasters fearfully discuss grey goo and human obsolescence
#627 The Bee-Ginning of a Catastrophe?
1. genetic researchers have taken to conducting illegal experiments in secret lairs
4. scientists spend more time enduring government inspections than they do on actual science
#628 Only @@LEADER@@ Can Prevent Forest Fires
2. environmental officials dismiss uncontrolled wildfires burning down major cities as nature taking its course
3. the phrase 'spreading like wildfire' is no longer in the public lexicon
#630 This Green and Pleasant Land
4. landless farmers wander forlornly in the government's many national parks
5. excited shovel-bearing geeks wander the countryside
#634 Bullet Time
3. vital infrastructure development is on hold because of 'nature and stuff'
#635 Hey Kid, Have a Cigar
4. government bureaucrats devote many man-hours to trying to measure unquantifiables
#638 Won't Somebody Think of the Children?
4. swings are now more popular than see-saws in children's playgrounds
#640 A Clear-Cut Conundrum
1. hordes of unemployed lumberjacks have resorted to cutting down utility poles to satisfy their cravings
3. severed limbs litter woodland edges across the land
#641 Dirty Little Minds
1. corporate lawyers are switching careers to the more lucrative field of green politics
#647 Songbirds' Decline Ruffles Feathers
1. military pilots spend more time scraping feathers off their engines than flying their aircraft
2. a division of tanks navigating "as the crow flies" has driven into a ravine
3. foreign nations kill migratory animals at random in the hope that @@NAME@@ will pay them to stop
5. remote-control hang-gliding scarecrows patrol the skies to keep songbirds from leaving the nation's borders
#649 Made in Maxtopia
3. there are no bananas today in @@NAME@@
#651 Black Days for @@NAME@@
2. commemorative mugs remembering last year's Black Friday Crockery Riots are a best seller this year
#652 Mayday! Mayday!
5. derelict airplanes have been converted into novelty restaurants and hotels
#661 Scouting for Boys, Girls... Anyone?
1. Scoutmasters debate whether luxury log cabins defeat the purpose of camping
3. truancy officers have a hard time catching children trained in advanced camouflage skills
#664 Your Land or Mine
2. the hardest thing for a mining operation to dig through is government red tape
#666 A Microchip on Your Shoulder
3. truancy levels are on the rise ever since school registers were banned
#667 One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Recyclable
1. local mafias have a tough time disposing of dead snitches without catching the attention of recycling authorities
2. unpackaged foodstuffs rot on store shelves
#668 How to Examine Your Testees
2. school children asked "what is two times two?" are likely to form a symposium to discuss how different answers make them feel
#669 Watts Up With Rooftop Solar
2. the poor are forced into bankruptcy by their energy bills
4. the government is funding experimental battery technology while the power grid continues to crumble
#672 All Shook Up
3. coastal cities are being moved a dozen miles inland to reduce flooding risk
#675 Trick or Treaty
1. citizens cannot change their light bulbs without approval from an international committee
3. carbon-footprint restrictions are making businesses walk
#681 @@NAME@@'s New Year's Resolution: Lose Fewer Limbs
2. parties that are too noisy are broken up to prevent disturbing wildlife
#682 Exhaust Every Option
1. schoolkids say that the air doesn't taste like wee-wee any more
2. proprietary charger leads are now a pain for electric cars as well as cellphones
4. calling shotgun on the front seat too many days in a row is seen as a crime against social equality
5. huge explosions in the sky are a daily occurrence in the cities
#685 Externalities Palmed Off
2. both diets and economic output are growing leaner with recent restrictions to free trade
3. the nation burns bridges with neighbours who burn their rainforest
#689 A Sticky Situation
1. it's rare to find an unchewed pencil
4. Eau de Trashcan has become a wildly popular perfume
#691 The Prodigal States
1. the nation forgives those who are big enough to admit they made a mistake
#693 Bottled Up Problems
1. a new guerrilla marketing campaign for tap water involves government agents spraying random citizens with hose water
#697 Conventional Wisdom
3. @@LEADER@@ has taken to wearing medal-adorned military uniform in all public appearances
#699 Pipe Down, Already!
1. families waiting for delayed pipe installations hope daily for rain
#706 A Walk in the Park
1. glamping @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ won't sleep in a tent that doesn't include a Jacuzzi
#713 Life in the Bike Lane
1. bike rage is all the rage
4. the nation's infamous rickshaw ambulances often double as hearses
#714 Milky Ways
1. increasing numbers of children in @@NAME@@ have different eye and hair color to their supposed fathers
2. nocturnal burglars are grateful for the convenient beverages on welcoming doorsteps
3. supermarket milk is a shear-thickening fluid that can stop small-caliber bullets
4. state dairy cow's milk is a shear-thickening fluid that can stop small-caliber bullets
#717 Cheques and Balances
1. the main interest rates change daily based on the latest news story
#726 Jobless Fair
1. extreme hiring regulations mean a job in @@NAME@@ is often a lifetime appointment
#727 Market Crash
3. solid steel breastplates are in fashion amongst city drivers
4. businesses are abandoning the city centre because of the lack of transport connections
#732 A Peeping Problem
3. workers tend to schedule naps during all-hands meetings
#737 Bird-Brained Diplomacy
1. endangered species are effective hostages against the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ military
#740 [The Enemy Within] A Day in the Life
3. the nation has been sent to bed early for unspecified naughtiness
#747 The Plane Truth
4. Air @@NAME@@ tickets have reached sky-high prices due to a complete monopoly on air travel
#749 Not Mushroom for Error
1. park rangers perform full-body searches on suspected fungus smugglers
#751 @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ Breed Contempt
2. gardeners must genetically test weeds for unique traits before digging them up
#754 The Hit Parade
1. the voyages of obsolete star-trekking satellites on deliberate escape orbits are only just beginning
2. there's never enough space in space
#758 Bye Bye to the Birdies?
1. it is illegal to brush crumbs off your clothing outdoors
3. authorities are looking for a stool pigeon to rat out who is stealing food from pigeon toilets
#762 Double Down on Double Time?
3. tumbleweed drifts through the nation's shopping centres during the weekends
#766 Carbon Emissions Are Why We Can't Have Nice Things
3. the carbon tax fund gladly supplies warm blankets when the poor can't pay their heating bills
4. with increasingly clear skies nobody seems to mind the electricity bill going through the roof
#772 Do You Have Artistic License?
2. ten-year-olds are applying for lemonade stand operator licences
#774 Clean Switch
4. immigrants complain that natives keep coming over and taking their jobs
#780 Vexing VAT
3. the richest individuals apparently buy nothing but noodles and toilet paper
#782 Sit-Down Money
4. doctors are trying to diagnose diseases by looking at their patients' Snipchat pictures
#784 The Driving Force
1. Formula One cars in @@NAME@@ boast 56 miles per gallon
2. the country's motorways are surprisingly quiet
5. mail and shipped goods take forever to get to buyers
#787 Come Fly With Me?
3. @@ANIMAL@@-wagons to @@CAPITAL@@ are often canceled due to excessive levels of manure on the roads
#804 Motivational Posters
3. rubber stamp emojis are the new craze
#808 Big Trouble in Little Dàguó
2. the government supplies ragtag bands of resistance fighters in exchange for vague promises of future payment
#809 So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
1. demand for night vision goggles and boat engine mufflers has spiked
2. tourists on boat cruises can't figure out why they smell so fishy afterward
#814 A Topic of Ethical Import
1. it ain't easy to be green enough to be imported into @@NAME@@
3. concerned environmentalists wipe away their tears with tissues sourced from Tasmanian old-growth redwoods
#815 Embargoed In
3. there is a law against "filthy foreign food"
#816 A Hot Topic
1. where there's smoke there's the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Forestry Department
#821 A Switch in Time Kills Nine
2. meetings are often scheduled for "about four-ish" following complete conversion to sundials
3. it is illegal to have the wrong clock time showing on your microwave oven
#823 Where the Sun Don't Shine
4. women find themselves saying "my eyes are up here" more often than they used to
#825 Bugging Out on Beef
1. urban entrepreneurs are busy introducing cockroaches into restaurant kitchens
2. ersatz chicken has left the nation's citizens with a bad taste in their mouths
3. cricket farmers use magnifying glasses to fit every member of their herd with tiny tracking tags
#826 Licensing Driving @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Crazy
1. it takes months to get the proper permits for a child's first tricycle
#827 Making Money Hand Over Fist
2. CEOs are forced to cut coupons during important conference calls to make ends meet
#829 Winning at Battleship
3. commercial ships often report keel and hull damage from coral reef impacts
#838 The Bark Knight Rises
2. people can't decide between preserving forests and buying print copies of 'Dogman Versus The Giggler'
#851 Commercial Tidings Well in Advance
5. citizens who want to celebrate the holidays generally deck the halls with old newspaper trimmings and dirty socks
#856 You Got Stones
4. stone wrist watches that weigh 20lb are the latest trend
#862 Friends Close, Enemies Closer
6. manufacturers are annoyed that they're not allowed to dump industrial waste into the nearest lake any more
#863 Oiling the Wheels of Diplomacy
1. the country is rumored to be a Brancalandian puppet state
4. the government is proud to report that ten percent of all tax revenue goes to funding suspected terrorist organizations
#871 It's Not Easy Being Red
1. the tragedy of the commons is being tested nationwide but everyone says it's somebody else's problem
#881 Blooming Out of Proportion
1. antique comic book collectors are disappointed to hear that their treasures are worth exactly as little as their mothers said they were
#884 You're Psychotic, @@LEADER@@
6. they say insanity is torturing the same citizens over and over again and expecting a different result
#888 Criminal Patterns
2. a stitch in time could see you serving nine
#890 Mining Blues
5. pocket calculators are seen as status symbols for the ostentatiously wealthy
6. the Betamax versus VHS debate continues to rage strongly in @@NAME@@
#893 Bread is the Stuff of Strife
1. restaurateurs put a lot of effort into persuading customers to accept wafer-thin mints
3. mouldy bread is served as an appetizer in many restaurants
#895 Stop Training and Start Coaching
3. many rural villagers have never been more than a day's horse-ride from their birthplace
#900 Piracy on the High Trees
1. CSI Forest is this year's hit new crime show
2. home renovation shows are increasingly popular
#906 Internet Killed the Television Star
4. televangelists often claim they can cure your Lupus if you donate enough money
#907 A Problem Shared
6. hipster cyclists declare that "metal is dead"
#923 Ministers Exposing Themselves
2. citizens who plan overseas vacations are barred from running for political office
#936 Hackable Elections?
1. foreign governments are threatened if they so much as mention the word "election"
#937 Ebony Pride
1. one tree's worth of paperwork accompanies each imported log of timber
#946 Better In Than Out
4. explosive diarrhoea is not just a colorful phrase
#950 Borderline Pandemic
4. hotels often double as quarantine zones
#951 The Wrath of the Fish King
3. workers for the environmental protection agency are patted down for tartar sauce every morning
#976 Demonic Possession Getting You Down?
3. foreign militaries are taking a particular interest in the nation's abandoned borders and cities
#986 Poacher Pandemic
2. radio stations offer prizes to callers who can guess this month's most endangered species
4. environmentalists have found an unusual ally in soldiers of fortune
5. the horniness of the great-horned @@ANIMAL@@ is considered a national priority
#988 Highway Robbery by the Book!
3. strip mining of rare earth metals is up while back problems are down
#997 [The Enemy Within] Not a Second Time
5. mandatory blunting of cutlery has increased the popularity of soup-based meals
#1002 The Call of Nature
1. pet owners make sure their dogs wear diapers
#1003 That Smarts
1. too many hyper-intelligent chefs can spoil the allegorical broth
#1007 Putting Your Foot in It
1. pet owners must make a payment if their charges leave a deposit
2. bins outnumber trees in city parks
#1013 Grave Disease
4. people across the world seek to be healthier by eliminating carbs
#1021 Room and Board Games
5. the property market is in a bit of a state
#1026 Size Matters
3. posters on '@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Values' advise against being proud of @@NAME@@
#1030 Looking Down in the Dumps
3. it's best not to ask what goes into @@CAPITAL@@ Fried Chicken's secret blend of herbs and spices
5. panicking criminals no longer flush contraband down the toilet
#1047 Rivers of Blood
1. many in @@NAME@@ are born in the purple
#1054 Herbal Trouble
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ junkies argue that poppy stalks are ornamental flowers
#1056 Time to Work?
1. businessmen walk out of meetings halfway because their shift is over
#1058 LEEDing From Behind
1. the volume of paperwork used to complete a single environmental assessment defeats the purpose
2. the nation's green cities are indeed concrete jungles
#1060 Hole in the Wall
2. putting houses on stilts is elevating house porches and prices alike
#1061 Every Day I'm Muffling
1. mechanics are often exhausted by their work
3. when electric cars arrived nobody heard them coming
#1063 Playing It by the Numbers
4. the government is expanding hungrily in its conquest of bread
#1065 Pulling Out
1. citizens are strongly encouraged to breathe less so as to limit the carbon footprint
2. the carbon footprint falls along with the human footprint during war
3. the carbon footprint falls along with the human footprint during war
#1068 Made to Break
1. supermarkets must refund spoilt milk even six months after the sale
3. state-manufactured hammers and sickles are here to stay
#1069 Bowl Motions
1. being able to unblock a u-bend pipe is considered a universally essential skill
3. garden flower shows rarely smell of roses
4. there is something rotten in the state of @@NAME@@
#1073 Much Ado About Everything
3. this year's comedy award has left mothers-in-law seething
#1080 The End Was Nigh
4. it's illegal to blow things up
#1086 Fun in the Sun
6. hordes of tourists are ruining the environment
#1099 New Satellite Blues
2. if a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it... @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ satellites can detect it
#1103 Dàguó Takeaway
3. the government confiscates candy from babies for 'the greater good' of the nation
#1105 A Green History Lesson
1. the statue in the @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@ Plaza has a solar panel for a hat
#1109 Of Mice and Meth
1. patriotic parents remind their children to drink plenty of water
2. health-conscious denizens drink their dogs' water
#1112 Stray Bullets
2. it's illegal to exterminate cockroaches
#1113 No Sex Please, We're @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@
1. courses on ornithology and apiology are surprisingly popular
#1118 We Can't Cross That Bridge When We Come to It
1. construction workers evacuate work sites after finding sharp rocks on the ground
#1121 Tribes and Tribulations
2. nations that kill @@A@@ @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ can expect a strongly worded letter
#1127 The Fast and the Fossilized
1. old dogs don't have to learn new tricks but they have to prove they haven't forgotten old ones
3. taxi drivers seem less xenophobic these days
#1130 Flash Crash Cash Dash
2. the only thing slower than the economy is the exchange where it's managed
4. the stock market has been destroyed for its own protection
#1134 Tariff-ic Trouble
1. a widely accepted trade policy is "tit-for-tat"
#1140 Blinded by the Light
4. overcrowded buses are the new normal for suburban commuters
#1151 Gotta Go Fast
3. workers of "fairweather faith" claim six months of paid leave for holy days per year
#1154 Foreign Tax Credits Leave Film Industry Reeling
2. the nation's generous tax credits have brought all the film studios to the yard
#1164 What a Gneiss Place We've Got Here
1. trails to natural wonders are littered with trash from reality film crews
3. citizens can only enjoy the splendor of the natural world in designated 'Majesty Appreciation' zones
#1166 Acres Wild
1. farmers have taken to hunting billionaires who encroach on their land
3. wildlife have trouble navigating the electric fences surrounding national forests
#1179 Nothing Fishy
1. father-son fishing trips have been banned
3. fishermen take out second mortgages to afford the yearly fishing permit
#1183 Bloodied but Unbowed
3. female brains are believed to heat up dangerously when 'overclocked'
#1189 Driven to Distraction
2. neon signs promoting safe driving often distract drivers
#1190 Dirty Laundry
3. nobody brings rolls of coins to the laundromat anymore
#1195 All Hands on Tap!
2. foreign leaders never seem to want to shake hands with @@LEADER@@
#1206 Gross Domestic Product
1. government projects are full of waste
#1208 Just Snoring With Excitement
4. sleeping on the job is recommended
#1212 Lost at Sea
3. children get arrested for floating paper boats on lakes
#1224 Shine On, You Crazy Diamond
5. people have become comfortably numb
#1228 The Road to Hell
1. the examiners who examine examiners are being examined by examiners
#1242 Jump Leads
5. the incidence of wrist sprains is falling
#1245 Sheepish Students
5. hay has been added to school cafeteria menus
#1246 Breath of the Wild
1. nobody knows why the caged @@ANIMAL@@ sings
#1269 All That Glitters
2. little girls are in tears as @@LEADER@@ confiscates their pink princess ballgowns
3. annual government budgets include a sizeable spend on "making things look fabulous"
#1271 Cathedrals Have Never Been Hotter
2. rebuilding efforts for a recently destroyed cathedral aren't expected to be completed for another century
#1275 You Cruise, You Lose?
1. the beauty of coastal towns is marred only slightly by all the closed-down storefronts
2. the beauty of coastal towns is marred only slightly by all the closed-down storefronts
#1278 A Textbook Cover-Up?
3. a petition to improve @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ literacy is mostly signed with cross-marks
#1282 Resting in Peace
3. truck drivers turn their engines off and coast whenever they're going downhill
#1286 Burning Over a New Leaf
1. trying to toast marshmallows in an electric fireplace just isn't the same
3. autumn landscape paintings feature men stripping leaves from bare branches with a vacuum
#1290 Why Didn't the @@ANIMAL@@ Cross the Road?
1. more sidewalk is dedicated to animals than people
2. coat closets are being re-branded as bedrooms
#1298 Ranchers Get Thrown to the Wolves
2. ranchers are adept at mimicking wolf attacks
4. cows graze until the wolves come home
#1301 Meat the Neighbours
4. proletariat workers identify less with the hammer and sickle and more with the touchscreen and phone charger
#1306 The Least Common Educator
3. most people think algebra is something a mermaid wears
#1328 Not-So-Friendly Fire
4. children happily laugh and play on their way to school during air-raids
#1331 Warning, Fatigue
1. power stations shutting down at night has made bedtime reading tricky
#1342 Uni-ted We Roll, Uni-ted We Fall
3. environmental legislation occurs cyclically
#1345 To Each According to Whatever's Left
1. they who do not work shall not eat
#1348 Heaven Can't Wait
5. above @@NAME@@ there is only sky and the fear of the unknown
6. above @@NAME@@ there is only sky and the fear of the unknown
#1357 Scattered Showers
1. helium balloons lift the nation's spacecraft towards the heavens
#1358 Who's In Your Wallet?
6. angry citizens complain that there isn't enough geographical diversity on the new banknotes
#1366 Parklife
1. parents must decide between buying food and taking their children to the park
2. public parks are on the upswing
3. the government has seized the means of recreation
#1368 Parking Hell
1. the optimally efficient parking strategy for business commuters is referred to as the "traveling salesman problem"
3. urban parents tell their children that the family car went to a farm upstate
#1405 [MADness] Spectrum of Solace
4. trade ministers have to consult a fifty-page "sanctions spreadsheet" to determine which countries they are allowed to do business with
5. trade ministers have to consult a fifty-page "sanctions spreadsheet" to determine which countries they are allowed to do business with
#1415 The Melting Point
1. a speech a day keeps climate change away
#1416 Building on Sand
3. undersea volcanoes receive strongly worded letters for violating environmental regulations
#1418 The High Life
3. stray dogs and children root through the trash for snacks
#1420 Trading Climate Sours
1. @@LEADER@@ arrives at international summits with a white cane
3. attempts at growing pineapples in the desert have been unsuccessful
#1424 Here's Looking at Zoo, Kid
2. it turns out you can teach cats new tricks
3. endangered species face obesity instead of extinction
#1425 @@LEADER@@'s New Clothes
1. @@LEADER@@ is called 'Patches' at international summits
#1429 The Wind Become Death
1. diplomatic fallout tends to be much more dangerous than radioactive fallout
#1432 Oh Dear
3. religion makes people horny
#1435 A Hot Potato
3. farmers in arid regions are puzzled with government directions to plant rice this year
#1439 Philately Will Get You Nowhere
2. penny whistles have been rebranded 'tin hornpipes'
#1442 A Green Bill of Health
1. travelers are subject to extensive searches if beet stains are visible on their clothing
#1443 Forage and Forget
1. pulling weeds is seen as a threat to national security
4. citizens praise the weeds that overwhelm their narrow vegetable realm
#1450 Driving @@LEADER@@
5. @@LEADER@@ always arrives fashionably late and smelling of mushrooms
#1451 A Dread Letter
3. neighbourhood gossips whip up controversy about those receiving adult merchandise
#1453 A Salt and Battery
2. foreign policy is based upon the principle of sieve and take
3. thieves find battery shops juicier targets than banks
#1454 Poplar Opinion
2. environmentalists are advocating slash-and-burn in the nation's forests
#1455 Trademarks Make Their Mark on Marketing
3. at least 4 unique companies in @@NAME@@ claim to sell Eckie-Cola
#1460 A Burning Question
1. beggars lack pockets for spare change
3. government ministers have eclectic tastes in curtains
#1463 Sandbagging
2. the treehouse in @@ANIMAL@@ Park is the tallest building in @@NAME@@
4. residents of houses built on a foundation of wishful thinking are prone to an odd sinking feeling
#1472 Home Is Where the Lung Is
3. home renovation projects take decades to complete
4. community organizers have given up going door to door because nobody is home
#1474 Cuy Bono?
1. eating kids as food has been enshrined in law
3. delicate flowers faint at news of house plants being eaten
#1490 @@LEADER@@ Wins Massive Victory!
3. the government's new "quiet competence" initiative has supporters and detractors alike reeling in confusion
#1492 Smoke on the Water
1. middle-aged metal fans quite enjoy being called "rebellious youths" by even older politicians
2. there's nothing more rock-and-roll than absolute sobriety
3. visitors often mistake the toiletplex at music festivals for the main stage
#1501 Diamond in the Rough
1. factories place endangered birds in their rafters in pursuit of government protections
2. endangered bison are herded across the border to prevent them from trampling on native prairie grass
3. endangered bison are herded across the border to prevent them from trampling on native prairie grass
#1502 Dirty Deals
2. people don't want any foreign rubbish
#1509 Parks and Aggravation
1. national park visitors are reporting a rash of poison ivy sightings
#1511 Three Little Words
5. @@LEADER@@ has been nicknamed 'Robomop'
#1518 Test Environment
4. the transition from trojan horses to regular old horses is on track
#1519 Remittances Running Rampant
4. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ doors require a Ph.D. to open
#1523 Don't Tread on My Money
3. doctors are encouraged to 'pull the plug' any time the government has a budget crisis

burgeoning @@ANIMAL@@ population

This is the default notable shown only on nations that do not qualify for any other notables.

closed borders

Gained from:

#950 Borderline Pandemic
4. hotels often double as quarantine zones
#1020 Bi-NO-Metric?
4. schoolchildren's "what I did on my holidays" essays tend to be somewhat homogeneous
#1216 Not My Government
4. an iron curtain has descended around the nation

Sometimes gained from:

#47 The Great Wall of @@NAME@@?
1. a large concrete wall is being built around the country's borders
#61 Should the Government Grant Estates and Titles of Nobility?
1. society and government have been organized according to a feudal hierarchy
#96 Water Supply Problems Becoming a Major Drain
5. crooks and people with too many kids are being kicked out of the country
#226 Expats Plea for Help in War-Torn Country
4. the world outside is only known of in folklore
#245 Clash of Cultures
6. the word 'foreigner' is considered a highly vulgar expletive
#283 Wealthy Flee to Tax-Free Havens
3. citizens are forbidden from leaving the country
#491 Friends, @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@, Countrymen, Lend Me Your Ears
1. people who have lived their entire lives in @@NAME@@ are shocked to discover that they are not citizens
#577 Second World Problems
1. the cold war against capitalism is growing chillier by the day
#862 Friends Close, Enemies Closer
3. a giant 'No Entry' sign is being erected at the borders of @@NAME@@
#997 [The Enemy Within] Not a Second Time
7. homogenous restaurants all have very similar menus
#1026 Size Matters
4. citizens are told that foreigners are hungry ghosts who eat the flesh of the overly curious
#1064 Culture Wars
2. holiday-makers leave on the same clandestine boats that illegal immigrants arrive in
#1114 Patriotism Flagging
3. there is a 'turn around' sign at every border entrance
#1227 Girls on Film
2. colours are running as @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ take on their own laundry
#1230 Home Hunger
4. the ethnic makeup of the nation is as bland as the food
#1281 The Not-So-Worldwide Web
3. there's no more bridging into @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ ports
#1300 Fifth Column in the Fifth Chord
3. a lot of glass windows have needed replacing recently
#1334 Withdrawing Diplomatic Relations
5. the only trips @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are allowed to take are the ones caused by hallucinogens
#1519 Remittances Running Rampant
3. foreign ambassadors are accused of stealing @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ jobs

Removed by:

#127 Aging Concerns in @@NAME@@
5. immigrant Bigtopians work themselves to the bone to support gold-plated @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ pensions
#204 Lack of Doctors Needs Cure
2. half of @@NAME@@'s doctors can't speak the language
3. half of @@NAME@@'s doctors can't speak the language
#215 Easter Egg: What's Your Favourite Colour?
12. the nation loves all colours indiscriminately (@@EGG@@)
#439 The Law of Exodus
1. census workers are having a hard time figuring out who is actually living in @@NAME@@ after the ban on emigration was lifted
3. emigrants arrive on foreign shores with nothing but pocket sand
#605 The Noblest of Intentions
1. former nobles are being issued new identities in the wake of the end of serfdom
#621 Blue Collar Blues
1. no one born in @@NAME@@ can fix a leaky faucet
2. no one born in @@NAME@@ can fix a leaky faucet
#726 Jobless Fair
3. Brancalandian is the primary spoken language at most major tech companies
4. Brancalandian is the primary spoken language at most major tech companies
#842 @@LEADER@@ and the Chocolate Factory
1. the tightness of border controls in @@NAME@@ leave a little to be desired
#909 On the Fence
1. a few immigrants are better than no immigrants according to @@LEADER@@
3. terrorists who are 17th cousins with the ex-wives of half-brothers of citizens are now exempt from the immigration ban
#1028 Can't Get Enough of You Baby
4. traumatised refugees have a full bedpan shoved into their hands along with their immigration papers
5. traumatised refugees have a full bedpan shoved into their hands along with their immigration papers
#1075 The Hand That Feeds
2. the nation continues to depend on foreigners for food
3. the nation continues to depend on foreigners for food
#1167 Another Brick in the Wall
2. an extra-long museum is being built to house the old border wall
3. refugees without a PhD are sent back to where they came from
#1172 Piled Higher and Deeper
3. classes at @@CAPITAL@@ University get canceled on Brancaland's Independence Day
4. classes at @@CAPITAL@@ University get canceled on Brancaland's Independence Day
#1231 Save Our Souls
5. the nation takes the world's poor and tired and the huddled Masses yearning to breathe free
#1276 A Boatload of Trouble
3. even immigrants complain that immigrants keep taking their jobs
#1306 The Least Common Educator
4. immigrant teachers use fat stacks of cash as teaching aids
5. immigrant teachers use fat stacks of cash as teaching aids
#1310 Intimate Relations
5. the immigration system seems to favor young unmarried women
#1390 [MADness] Spectrum of Solace
4. a surprisingly large share of the nation's budget is used to buy new houses for immigrants
5. a surprisingly large share of the nation's budget is used to buy new houses for immigrants
#1405 [MADness] Spectrum of Solace
3. a surprisingly large share of the nation's budget is used to buy new houses for immigrants

complete absence of social welfare

Gained from:

#282 Slum Village Extraordinaire
3. many of the poor live from cradle to grave without ever seeing sunlight

Sometimes gained from:

#10 Social Inequality Reaching Embarrassing Levels
1. the streets are increasingly clogged with poverty-stricken beggars
#18 Citizens Struggle Under "Unfair" Tax Burden
1. the government is reining in public spending
#24 Budget Time: Accountants Excited
4. citizens are enjoying a recent large cut in taxes
#35 Refugees Want to Call @@NAME@@ Home
2. the Navy has outraged the international community by sinking a boatload of refugees to prevent them reaching the shore
#39 Scandal Rocks @@NAME@@'s Government!
4. government officials frequently cut taxes as a distraction from antics with their secretaries
#43 Prisoners Demand Elbow Room
1. gigantic new prisons are springing up all over the nation
#58 Violent Violetists Demand Blood!
1. homeless people are periodically found dead upon altars to assorted deities
#61 Should the Government Grant Estates and Titles of Nobility?
1. society and government have been organized according to a feudal hierarchy
#83 High-Speed Monorail Service Promises Connections
1. government spending has hit an all-time low
#110 Too Low on Laws, Say Citizens
2. the land is famous throughout the region for its rampant lawlessness
#111 Southern @@NAME@@ Demands Semi-Autonomy
3. protesters against the government are hanged as a warning to others
#122 Pensioners in Protest
2. senior citizens can usually be found doing heavy manual labour
#125 Bring Back the Ballot?
2. suppression of pro-democracy protests is a daily occurrence
#127 Aging Concerns in @@NAME@@
1. retiring citizens are dragged away in the middle of the night by mysterious men in black suits
4. senior citizens are often found slaving away in factories
#135 A Taxing Dilemma
1. government officials have to mortgage their homes to make ends meet
#148 Spare the Rod, Demand Welfare Activists
2. record sales of 'child-whacking sticks' have been reported
#152 A Capital Idea
1. the government has returned all business to private ownership
#164 Licence to Breed?
2. almost half of the child population live rough on the streets
#192 Coup d'Etat in @@NAME@@!
1. the national government has been dissolved by revolutionary insurgents
#199 More Jails Needed
1. the new prison system is crowding up at an alarming rate
#221 Outdated Tax Code Crushing @@NAME@@?
1. the government is in utter turmoil following the recent abolishment of the tax code
#223 Easter Egg: Zombie Attack!
6. the undead roam the streets and countryside at night (@@EGG@@)
#224 Minimum Wage War
3. boot polish is the favourite lip gloss of entry-level corporate workers
#226 Expats Plea for Help in War-Torn Country
3. citizens who leave the country are officially classed as traitors
#230 Extremists on the Ballot Sheet
2. most governmental positions are filled by zealous nationalists
#241 A Capital City for @@NAME@@?
5. the government has adopted a more thrifty attitude to administrating the country's needs
#242 Follow the Leader
2. @@LEADER@@ has been self-declared as the Most Supreme Magnificent Overlord of Everything You Ever Saw
#250 Recession, Depression, and Deficit
5. the country is effectively ruled by large corporations and business consultants
#251 The Trouble With Hobos
3. homeless people are frequently charged with trespassing on public property
4. citizens who become homeless are immediately executed
#255 Welfare Programs Not Faring Well
5. the government enforces a policy of 'from each according to their ability, to each according to the available budget'
#257 @@LEADER@@ Assassinated... Almost
1. citizens simply have to point a weapon at a government official to get what they want
#260 Taxpayers on Strike!
1. the government has cut taxes in the face of widespread tax evasion
#265 To Bail or Not to Bail?
2. thousands of former welfare recipients are in a revolutionary uproar as the rest of society is enjoying a hefty tax break
#268 Don't Want Your Kid Anymore? Good News!
1. orphanages are closing their doors as the government forces parents to actually raise their children
2. orphanages are closing their doors as the government forces parents to actually raise their children
#283 Wealthy Flee to Tax-Free Havens
1. expats return home to a government devoid of social and environmental agencies
#285 A Right Not to Work?
2. police and sick people alike fear the Day of Rest as all institutions are forced to shut down
#294 Ghost Riders on the Sly
5. the CEO of Laws Incorporated must sign off on all new bills
#296 Come on Baby, Fight My Fire
3. disaster victims are viewed with disdain
#319 Sizing Up the Competition
3. businesses are scrambling to adapt to the government's mandate that 'time and measurement no longer exist'
#322 Empathy a Rare Commodity?
2. curtailed social programs have left many citizens bereft of any safety net
#331 Swept Away
2. insurance companies charge extortionate premiums to cover homes near waterways
#337 Doctors Crossing Borders?
2. charity no longer begins at home
#339 The Bear Necessities
3. the economy is undergoing a traumatic transition to capitalism
#348 I Want a Lawyer
2. there is a disproportionate number of poor people in prison
#414 Subpar Suburbs
1. town welcome signs list corporate sponsors
#418 That Sinking Feeling
2. drowning sailors are hung out to dry
#433 The Worst Storm to Hit @@NAME@@ Since...Yesterday?
3. the attempt to control the weather has ended in environmental disaster
#447 Honey, We Hung the Parliament
4. late night talk show hosts are having a field day over @@LEADER@@'s questionably sane new coalition partners
#448 It Takes a Village
4. the government has completely eliminated all childcare programs
#466 @@NAME@@ Is Never Ever Getting Back Together... Like Ever
4. the country has essentially become @@POPULATION@@ nations within a nation
#481 Social Equality Reaching Embarrassing Levels
1. @@LEADER@@ shrugs in the face of growing inequalities
4. @@LEADER@@'s new political program is often mockingly called 'Capitalism with a Bigtopian face'
#496 Rock 'n' Roll Suicide
3. the government's suicide hotline now redirects callers to local tax lawyers
#515 Little Green Men
3. Maxtopians dominate the nation's military hierarchy
#525 Nowhere to Go!
2. @@A@@ @@REGION@@ Tourist Association survey has rated @@NAME@@ #1 for number twos
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have replaced bears in a popular idiom
#527 The Body Politic
1. cities in @@NAME@@ declare independence based on interpretation of the historic meaning of cave paintings
#575 Sick Days for Sick Waves
1. victims of limb-mauling industrial accidents are told to keep working with their remaining hand
2. victims of limb-mauling industrial accidents are told to keep working with their remaining hand
4. board shorts have replaced board rooms
#577 Second World Problems
4. Party members are derided as class traitors
#601 Lawyers on Trial
2. justice is available only to those who can afford its price tag
#620 No Such Thing as a Free Lunch
2. children are seen fighting in the playground for bread scraps that fall out of diamond-encrusted lunchboxes
#623 Maison d'Être?
5. disputed territories across @@REGION@@ are being claimed by @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ college students
#644 The Old Grey Matter
5. grannies with arthritic hands work miserably on factory production lines
#680 The Fault Is in Our Stars
1. a full moon at night lets economists sleep tight
#687 Marriage by Proxy Server
3. robotic spouses prove to be just as imperfect as flesh and blood ones
#693 Bottled Up Problems
4. health inspectors are seen eating black truffle fondue with their bottled water
#694 Concussive Percussion
3. tuba players are paid to quietly whisper into their instruments
#710 Feudal Feuds
3. the government believes in trickle-down happiness
#720 Cui Bono?
2. more money is spent on policing the welfare system for abuse than on the welfare system itself
3. shanty towns of homeless immigrants are the ideal recruiting ground for terrorist organisations
#739 In Loco Parentis
1. it's considered a civil right to be allowed to neglect and mistreat your own children
#769 How to Print Money?
5. the barter economy has taken over as the @@CURRENCY@@ has become worthless
#784 The Driving Force
3. double-parking is on the rise as automobile numbers increase
#793 [@@CAPITAL@@gate] Knock Knock. Who's There? Not You Anymore!
3. the entirety of @@LEADER@@'s administration can be crammed into a phone booth
#847 All the Lonely People
4. lonely people are supposed to be cheered up by the many parties that they are never invited to
#862 Friends Close, Enemies Closer
9. government ministers sport new billboards that read 'Will Trade Votes for Private Members' Bill Support'
#865 A Funeral for a Fiend?
4. the government only announces the deaths of its members when it's convenient
#882 Death by Chocolate
3. children aren't allowed to chew their pencils until they get home from school
#900 Piracy on the High Trees
4. newly-privatized lumberjacks are clearcutting the forest to meet demand
#907 A Problem Shared
4. boom-and-bust cycles are being peddled as economically inevitable
#920 Central Planning Theatrics
3. ticket touts are blamed for the downfall of communism
#977 Tragedy of Wounded Earlobe
4. the government evicts ethnic minorities by stranding them in the wilderness
#995 A Cup Runneth Over
1. women across the country are tying the knot
4. on hunt days the unpleasant peasant runs in lieu of the pheasant
#1021 Room and Board Games
4. multilingual concierges man empty inner city apartment blocks
#1116 To Each According to His Feed
5. the red star of communism has been replaced by the gold star of the McRonald's badge
#1132 Gold Standards
2. destitute athletes are forced to train in the street
#1148 Unfit for Purpose
4. paraplegics are told to walk it off
#1180 Death Doesn't Discriminate
1. people on the brink of death are put through unwanted and stressful procedures
2. people on the brink of death are put through unwanted and stressful procedures
#1183 Bloodied but Unbowed
2. it is said that @@A@@ @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ woman's work is never done
#1245 Sheepish Students
4. the wealthiest parts of the country receive the most government spending
#1248 A Day to Remember
2. social care for the elderly consists of a self help leaflet and a kick on the backside
4. red rinses are frequently applied to grey hair
#1301 Meat the Neighbours
2. the end of communism came with retail rather than revolution
#1309 Give @@A@@ @@ANIMAL@@ a Bone
2. veterans' meet-ups involve a lot of tail sniffing
#1311 An Acquired Taste
4. gaping tourists take long-distance photos of diseased natives on "indigenous peoples" safari tours
#1325 Having Faith in Communism
4. spiritual leaders preach that the poor are being punished for their sins
#1336 Take Good Care of My Baby
3. foundling babies rarely make it off the doorsteps they are abandoned on
#1338 Slow and Stupid Is the Race
2. immigrants are told to pull themselves up by their worn-out budget bootstraps
#1340 Unnatural Conception
5. conflicted @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ mamas cry 'cause - if there's one thing they don't need - it's another hungry mouth to feed
#1345 To Each According to Whatever's Left
5. real chickens replace rooster weather vanes on inner-city rooftop gardens
#1412 Another Day, Another Dollar
1. the government hopes austerity will lead to prosperity
#1459 Friends With Tax Benefits
3. unemployed accountants keep double-entry ledgers of their benefit claims
#1511 Three Little Words
3. families burn @@LEADER@@'s latest official photograph to keep warm

Removed by:

#127 Aging Concerns in @@NAME@@
3. politicians cheer the nation's surging death rate
#203 Suffer the Starving Children?
4. the government is phasing in welfare programmes to tackle poverty
#443 Five Year Plans and New Deals
4. Viagra factories are being converted to producing antimalarials for Bigtopian orphans
#720 Cui Bono?
4. the amount welfare recipients spend on fertilizer has exploded
#1148 Unfit for Purpose
3. the blind lead the blind in social welfare

Sometimes removed by:

#4 Economic Collapse Looms!
1. all industry is owned and run by the government
#10 Social Inequality Reaching Embarrassing Levels
2. the government is slowly introducing social welfare programs
#15 More Police Needed
2. education and welfare spending are on the rise
#24 Budget Time: Accountants Excited
3. a well-funded social safety net protects the unfortunate
#35 Refugees Want to Call @@NAME@@ Home
1. the nation has opened its arms to an influx of refugees
#47 The Great Wall of @@NAME@@?
2. refugees from other nations are flocking to @@NAME@@'s border
#68 Ornery Overcrowding Problem
1. the government regularly hires contractors to construct high rise apartments
2. factories are regularly demolished to make way for low-cost housing areas
#75 Cutting Off Sex Offenders?
2. re-education centers are being added to most prisons
3. criminal rehabilitation takes place in re-education centers
#76 Suits in Protest
4. local executives are seen on the corner with cardboard signs reading "will oppress the masses for food"
#104 Public Loudspeakers Shrill With Controversy
3. ad-blocking has been nationalised
#122 Pensioners in Protest
1. retirement homes are often fitted with luxurious suites
#135 A Taxing Dilemma
2. the sound of wooden legs echo throughout @@NAME@@ after the recent introduction of the Foot Tax
#148 Spare the Rod, Demand Welfare Activists
1. parents live in fear of governmental 'child protection' squads
#154 Ban the 'Boards, Say Pedestrians
2. skateparks can be found in every city
#159 Think Tank Proposes Privatised Prisons
2. convicted murderers are free to walk the streets provided they attend rehabilitation classes
#161 Where There's a Will There's a Tax
1. the government seizes the property of the recently deceased
#164 Licence to Breed?
3. welfare funding has recently gone through the roof
#174 Maternity Leave a Must, Say Mothers
3. untold millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are going into a new government-funded maternity leave scheme
4. untold millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are going into a new government-funded maternity leave scheme
#187 Underclass Drowning in Debt
2. the government is pouring funds into the nation's welfare system
#198 Not All Those Who Wander Are Paying
3. the government has instituted 'traveller reservations' across the country
#202 Guns or Butter?
3. strategic bombers are being converted into preschools
#203 Suffer the Starving Children?
1. the government has been kicking out foreign corporations in a bid to grow enough food for the populace
#209 Students Demand Financial Aid
1. the number of students attending university has reached a record high
#216 Eminent Domain: Inherent Right or Daylight Robbery?
3. the government seizes private property for the 'good of the people'
#224 Minimum Wage War
2. unemployment is through the roof after the government enacted living wage laws
#226 Expats Plea for Help in War-Torn Country
1. the nation has welcomed its expats back with open arms
2. the nation has welcomed its expats back with open arms
#231 Jungle Fever
2. rice shortages have risen after paddy fields were drained to combat malaria
#247 Where There's Smoke
2. the fire protection service is wholly government-funded
3. most citizens in @@NAME@@ are abject pyrophobes after extremely graphic pamphlets were mailed nationwide by the government
#250 Recession, Depression, and Deficit
4. the crackdown on private property seems as endless as the government issued food stamp lines
#251 The Trouble With Hobos
1. the recently unemployed can often be seen at the local homeless shelter
2. citizens applying for their first jobs face fierce competition from the homeless
#252 Great Balls of Fire!
2. the government has adopted a "Lightning Never Strikes Twice" approach to dealing with natural disasters
#255 Welfare Programs Not Faring Well
4. the government is using tax revenues to provide jobs for the poor
#278 Relief Is Coming... In Four to Six Weeks
1. contrails and thunderous rumbles have returned to the skies above
#282 Slum Village Extraordinaire
1. luxury brands target their advertising at the unemployed and homeless
2. workers who try to quit their jobs must first register with the welfare department
#292 Tourists Wearing Out Their Welcome?
5. tourists need only sign on the dotted line to become citizens
#296 Come on Baby, Fight My Fire
1. CEOs can't hear the term 'Fire Sale' without bursting into tears
#304 Time for Paternity Leave, Say Dads
6. mandatory daycare is provided by the government
#309 Guerrilla Grandparents
1. aging citizens are celebrating the end of the 'Early Bird War'
3. the elderly live on a steady diet of canned beans in dreary government housing
#314 An Affair to Remember?
1. cheating spouses are required to undergo job training
#327 No Rest for the Weary @@ANIMAL@@
4. government officials across @@NAME@@ are being "encouraged" to adopt @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ to set an example for the populace
#330 Supermarkets Gobbling Up All the Customers?
3. the government provides its citizenry with the same mass produced rations
#331 Swept Away
1. the government is flooded with compensation requests
#347 Crime Problems Ganging Up on @@NAME@@
2. new funding allows inner city teachers to replace school laptops almost as fast as they get stolen
#348 I Want a Lawyer
1. the state is footing the bill for billionaires' lawyers
#358 Not Another Teen Pregnancy
2. many junior high school teachers minor in midwifery
3. many junior high school teachers minor in midwifery
#359 Got Democracy?
2. pro-democracy regime change has been avoided
#370 The Unbearable Lightness of Government
3. soup kitchens are the only things doing roaring business
#383 Born to Be Just a Bit Too Wild?
1. children are shocked to find others "just like them" when they are taken out of the forest
#385 Who Stands for @@NAME@@?
1. the new national mascot has to be wheeled onto the field of play
#405 [An International Incident] Time for a Colonyoscopy!
1. the nation has gained millions of new citizens overnight
#414 Subpar Suburbs
2. government crews work tirelessly to retake the suburbs from organized packs of raccoons
#418 That Sinking Feeling
1. the Coast Guard is pioneering a quixotic program to train fish
#422 Wounded Veterans Demand a Helping Hand
1. the military is slashing spending on conventional arms and diverting it to spending on prosthetic arms
#423 Returning Holy Warriors Cause Trouble
2. the government is ignoring the latest terrorist atrocities in @@CAPITAL@@ for fear of causing a fuss
#439 The Law of Exodus
4. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have been enjoying a recent boost in civil rights as the government continues to clamp down on emigration
#442 You Can't Always Get What You Squat
2. business owners return from long vacations to find their factories have been turned into homeless shelters
#448 It Takes a Village
1. the government frequently panders to parents with boutique tax credits
3. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Babysitters Club has proven to be a huge relief to stressed-out parents across the nation
#481 Social Equality Reaching Embarrassing Levels
2. the universal wage level is set by dividing GDP by the number of citizens
#482 Whose Fault Is It Anyways?
2. government-funded marriage counseling is showing very limited success
#484 Patriot or Patri-Not?
4. political satirists and late night comedians weep as the government begins cleaning up its act
#497 The Widening Gyre
1. the once prosperous capital is in utter decline
#523 A Family Affair
3. government-sanctioned speed mating is rife with Party-sanctioned abuse of power
#525 Nowhere to Go!
1. builders across @@NAME@@ are blocked up with orders for new public loos
#546 Dumpster Divers Dividing Denizens
3. the Grinder at Fat Sal's Deli and Recycling Center is a national institution
#571 Family Feud
4. unruly families are deliberately marooned on desert islands
#576 Light at the End of the Tunnel
3. children crying over dropped ice creams are offered high doses of experimental antidepressants
#601 Lawyers on Trial
1. lawyers turn down litigation cases and corporate work in order to focus on lucrative public defence work
3. pushy mums tell their kids to be doctors and engineers but steer them away from being penniless lawyers
#604 Food Behind Bars
1. the nation's prisons are touted as the best weight loss programs money can't buy
#605 The Noblest of Intentions
1. former nobles are being issued new identities in the wake of the end of serfdom
#612 A Petty Issue
2. the crispy fried liver of @@A@@ @@ANIMAL@@ is prized as a tasty treat by vagrants
#620 No Such Thing as a Free Lunch
1. Michelin-star chefs are being called on to prepare menus for six-year-olds
3. food voucher forgeries are causing headaches for the police
#623 Maison d'Être?
1. rich people sell their mansions to pay for endless rows of mobile homes
#628 Only @@LEADER@@ Can Prevent Forest Fires
4. disaster relief budgets are growing like wildfire
#638 Won't Somebody Think of the Children?
1. orphans would rather live their life of luxury than be adopted by prospective parents
#639 No Country for Old Men
1. 100-year-old politicians are now a thing of the past
#691 The Prodigal States
1. the nation forgives those who are big enough to admit they made a mistake
#696 No, Minister
2. the delay between passed legislation and real world implementation is often a decade or longer
#700 The Widow Raven
3. death compensation has some family members fearing to pay back others' debt they may be disappearing
#715 Copy Rights
2. parents are shocked to find out that having kids costs money
#733 The Path Less Traveled
5. there are six more weeks of winter if a northerner sees @@HIS/HER@@ shadow
#739 In Loco Parentis
2. there's a literal nanny state for the legions of children taken by social services
#748 [The Enemy Within] In Spite of All the Danger
1. the government is coughing up funds for lung cancer victims
#766 Carbon Emissions Are Why We Can't Have Nice Things
3. the carbon tax fund gladly supplies warm blankets when the poor can't pay their heating bills
#779 We're Dying for Your Business
1. burial ceremonies have become as routinised as tax forms
#780 Vexing VAT
3. the richest individuals apparently buy nothing but noodles and toilet paper
#781 The White Man's Burden
1. saying that someone looks a bit pale can be construed as hate speech
#785 Born to Be My Baby
4. busy commuters no longer hear the cries of "I want some more!" on the nation's streets
#810 Armed and Unready
1. incompetent former soldiers have been re-employed as incompetent cleaners and kitchen staff
#817 Back-Alley Blues
1. official medical guidelines insist that childbirth is 'almost totally painless'
#851 Commercial Tidings Well in Advance
5. citizens who want to celebrate the holidays generally deck the halls with old newspaper trimmings and dirty socks
#855 Thin Evidence
4. the criminal underworld is dominated by cupcake smugglers and back-alley doughnut shops
#884 You're Psychotic, @@LEADER@@
5. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government claim that @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are oppressed out of love
#904 Yours Insincerely
1. the government only invests in infrastructure after a natural disaster
#914 Shepherds Without a Flock
3. atheists in the nation feel uneasy living in buildings where they were once vilified
#917 School's In, Cash Is Out!
1. the Treasury Minister takes anxiety medication every time kids lose their sports kits
#928 Get a Life
7. orphanages are practically giving children away
#943 Big Love, Big Problems?
2. people hearing voices that tell them to commit crimes are automatically assumed to be holy
#991 Alms and Qualms
4. corrupt paupers spend taxpayer @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ on liquor and tobacco
#1016 Breaking Upset
3. therapists dispense hugs for heroin dealers and cuddles for crackheads
#1021 Room and Board Games
5. the property market is in a bit of a state
#1043 Foundering Fashionistas
3. artists attempt to convince the Hardship Fund that their unmade bed is a masterpiece
#1063 Playing It by the Numbers
4. the government is expanding hungrily in its conquest of bread
#1086 Fun in the Sun
1. the 'sing-a-long with @@LEADER@@' album is a popular souvenir
#1103 Dàguó Takeaway
3. the government confiscates candy from babies for 'the greater good' of the nation
#1105 A Green History Lesson
3. bereaved families are assigned a new housemate the day after the funeral
#1111 A Call for Change
2. anyone with a tin cup can stop by the welfare office to have it filled with coins
#1130 Flash Crash Cash Dash
4. the stock market has been destroyed for its own protection
#1132 Gold Standards
1. it's a long jump to get onto the housing ladder
#1142 Womb Service
1. lifelong celibates are surprised to receive government-issue condoms in the post
2. lifelong celibates are surprised to receive government-issue condoms in the post
#1146 Mother Knows Best?
2. first-time moms are expected to be experienced parents from day one
#1156 Pet Theory
1. you can't put down the nation's attitude to pet health
#1160 Milking It
3. right-wingers complain that too many people are suckling at the welfare teat
#1172 Piled Higher and Deeper
1. engineers ask liberal arts majors "Do you want fries with that?"
#1183 Bloodied but Unbowed
1. the Ministry of Health has reported a sharp increase in the incidence of delayed menopause
#1231 Save Our Souls
5. the nation takes the world's poor and tired and the huddled Masses yearning to breathe free
#1248 A Day to Remember
1. modelling agencies send their clients to work in nursing homes
#1264 Flooding the Market
4. constipated disaster survivors are rapidly learning that MRE is short for "Meal Requiring Enemas"
#1276 A Boatload of Trouble
3. even immigrants complain that immigrants keep taking their jobs
#1291 The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
2. most believe 'tis better to give than to receive
#1292 A Sticky End for @@LEADER@@?
3. most foreigners can't name the leader of @@NAME@@
#1298 Ranchers Get Thrown to the Wolves
2. ranchers are adept at mimicking wolf attacks
#1306 The Least Common Educator
4. immigrant teachers use fat stacks of cash as teaching aids
5. immigrant teachers use fat stacks of cash as teaching aids
#1307 A Duty to Serve
1. students do more community service than homework
3. people who do not complete their community service are sentenced to more community service
#1308 One in the Oven
3. employers are keenest on employees who lack family values
#1309 Give @@A@@ @@ANIMAL@@ a Bone
1. war vets look after war animals
#1322 Introducing Altengarten?
1. 4-year-olds are often found reminiscing about the 'good old days'
#1336 Take Good Care of My Baby
1. a generation of children conceived in hell and born in strife is growing up inside government-run care villages
#1338 Slow and Stupid Is the Race
1. minorities play dumb to get more welfare payments
#1340 Unnatural Conception
1. wishing you had children is considered a sign of child abuse
#1350 The @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Are Coming!
1. the nation frequently scolds its subject territories for staying up past bedtime
#1368 Parking Hell
2. parking's carefree without parking car fees
#1381 [MADness] Chairman No
1. citizens are being told that the greatness of a nation's power is the measure of its surrender
2. citizens are being told that the greatness of a nation's power is the measure of its surrender
#1390 [MADness] Spectrum of Solace
4. a surprisingly large share of the nation's budget is used to buy new houses for immigrants
5. a surprisingly large share of the nation's budget is used to buy new houses for immigrants
#1400 [MADness] President No
1. citizens are being told that the greatness of a nation's power is the measure of its surrender
#1405 [MADness] Spectrum of Solace
3. a surprisingly large share of the nation's budget is used to buy new houses for immigrants
#1415 The Melting Point
2. after every storm there's an expensive government-funded rainbow
#1418 The High Life
1. children's daycare starts at the crack of dawn
#1427 May the Fourth Estate Be With You
3. students spend the school year learning how great the education system is
#1435 A Hot Potato
1. major cities run on potato batteries
3. farmers in arid regions are puzzled with government directions to plant rice this year
#1437 Crushed Dreams
2. a favorite "life hack" for gap year backpackers is to pretend to be homeless for government handouts
#1458 Children of @@FAITH@@
1. atheistic refugees haven't got a prayer of being granted asylum
#1483 The Unkindest Cut
1. the government regrets to say that it is forced to make cuts to citizens
2. the government regrets to say that it is forced to make cuts to citizens
#1490 @@LEADER@@ Wins Massive Victory!
3. the government's new "quiet competence" initiative has supporters and detractors alike reeling in confusion
#1500 Rodents of Unusual Sociability
2. dogs are encouraged to confront the psychodynamic roots of their desire to be "good boys"
#1523 Don't Tread on My Money
3. doctors are encouraged to 'pull the plug' any time the government has a budget crisis

complete lack of prisons

Gained from:

#43 Prisoners Demand Elbow Room
2. all prisons have been eliminated
#159 Think Tank Proposes Privatised Prisons
2. convicted murderers are free to walk the streets provided they attend rehabilitation classes
#239 We Who Are About to Die Would Rather Go Home
3. criminals are thrown to the @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ to repay their debt to society
#487 Masks of Shame
3. public shaming is the bedrock of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ society
#738 Cruel or Unusual?
2. an eye for an eye leaves @@NAME@@ blind
#978 Alone in the Dark
3. justice is blinding

Removed by:

#199 More Jails Needed
1. the new prison system is crowding up at an alarming rate
#232 Suffragette City
4. women are often jailed for failing to fetch their husbands' slippers
5. women are often jailed for failing to fetch their husbands' slippers
#1200 Choose Your God Wisely
1. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ believe a soft answer turneth away wrath but punitive punishment is much more fun
2. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ believe a soft answer turneth away wrath but punitive punishment is much more fun

complete lack of public education

Gained from:

Sometimes gained from:

#3 Harry Potter Censorship Row
1. Harry Potter books are banned
#10 Social Inequality Reaching Embarrassing Levels
1. the streets are increasingly clogged with poverty-stricken beggars
#18 Citizens Struggle Under "Unfair" Tax Burden
1. the government is reining in public spending
#24 Budget Time: Accountants Excited
4. citizens are enjoying a recent large cut in taxes
#39 Scandal Rocks @@NAME@@'s Government!
4. government officials frequently cut taxes as a distraction from antics with their secretaries
#40 Hukd on Fonix Workd 4 Me!
1. funding for education has been redirected into the military
#56 "Give Us Money!" Quoth the Poet
2. the government has cut its subsidies for all special interest groups
#61 Should the Government Grant Estates and Titles of Nobility?
1. society and government have been organized according to a feudal hierarchy
#64 Put the "Board" Back in Board of Education
4. teachers label difficult children as "somebody else's problem" before expelling them
#81 Close Encounters of the Sci-Fi Kind?
3. X-Files ratings have hit an all-time low
#83 High-Speed Monorail Service Promises Connections
1. government spending has hit an all-time low
#99 We Need Cash, Sharpish, Say Librarians
4. libraries are bulldozed to make way for internet cafés
#109 Karate Kids Cause Controversy
2. the army's shirt ninja are the most feared assassins in the region
#110 Too Low on Laws, Say Citizens
2. the land is famous throughout the region for its rampant lawlessness
#111 Southern @@NAME@@ Demands Semi-Autonomy
3. protesters against the government are hanged as a warning to others
#113 Test Results Deemed 'Ungood' After Global Survey
2. children have only the most basic of education
#115 @@NAME@@'s Schoolchildren Not Learning the Lingua Franca
2. foreigners are treated with great suspicion
#125 Bring Back the Ballot?
2. suppression of pro-democracy protests is a daily occurrence
#135 A Taxing Dilemma
1. government officials have to mortgage their homes to make ends meet
#152 A Capital Idea
1. the government has returned all business to private ownership
#192 Coup d'Etat in @@NAME@@!
1. the national government has been dissolved by revolutionary insurgents
#199 More Jails Needed
1. the new prison system is crowding up at an alarming rate
#200 Birds, Bees, and Breeding Teens
5. the most common answers to where babies come from are "uh... ask your mother" and "um... ask your father"
#209 Students Demand Financial Aid
2. universities are populated by the spawn of the upper classes
4. closed universities are currently being converted into McRonald's restaurants
#223 Easter Egg: Zombie Attack!
6. the undead roam the streets and countryside at night (@@EGG@@)
#241 A Capital City for @@NAME@@?
5. the government has adopted a more thrifty attitude to administrating the country's needs
#242 Follow the Leader
2. @@LEADER@@ has been self-declared as the Most Supreme Magnificent Overlord of Everything You Ever Saw
#249 Particle Accelerator Sparks High Energy Debate
3. theoretical science is only theoretical
#257 @@LEADER@@ Assassinated... Almost
1. citizens simply have to point a weapon at a government official to get what they want
#260 Taxpayers on Strike!
1. the government has cut taxes in the face of widespread tax evasion
#273 Is Our Children Learning?
5. wealthy students ride to school past mendicant dropouts
6. wealthy students ride to school past mendicant dropouts
#285 A Right Not to Work?
2. police and sick people alike fear the Day of Rest as all institutions are forced to shut down
#294 Ghost Riders on the Sly
5. the CEO of Laws Incorporated must sign off on all new bills
#319 Sizing Up the Competition
3. businesses are scrambling to adapt to the government's mandate that 'time and measurement no longer exist'
#339 The Bear Necessities
3. the economy is undergoing a traumatic transition to capitalism
#368 Female Workers Feeling the Pinch
3. women are kept out of work but at least dinner is served on time
#373 Devil and the Deep Blue Funding Gap
2. most academic research has ground to a halt
#374 Lion Dad Sparks Child-Rearing Sentiment
2. mollycoddled youths run the country
4. society has literally been thrown to the wolves
#413 A Shot in the Arm
3. parents who refuse to vaccinate their children are given a short jail sentence
#414 Subpar Suburbs
1. town welcome signs list corporate sponsors
#425 Teach Your Farmers Well
3. bleach is the nation's most common pesticide
#447 Honey, We Hung the Parliament
4. late night talk show hosts are having a field day over @@LEADER@@'s questionably sane new coalition partners
#466 @@NAME@@ Is Never Ever Getting Back Together... Like Ever
4. the country has essentially become @@POPULATION@@ nations within a nation
#496 Rock 'n' Roll Suicide
3. the government's suicide hotline now redirects callers to local tax lawyers
#519 School's Out (Of Control)
1. schoolchildren learn basic numeracy by counting off their push-ups
2. schools offer a range of lessons in subjects as diverse as The Economics of Bullying for Lunch Money
#522 Time to Get Serious
3. it turns out that money can buy you happiness
#527 The Body Politic
1. cities in @@NAME@@ declare independence based on interpretation of the historic meaning of cave paintings
#548 Appointment of a Science Advisor
4. science labs across the country languish in cobwebs as the government turns its attentions to spiritual matters
#561 Plug in and Play
3. the nation's exceedingly polite children have often been referred to as "robots" by international media
#565 'A' Is for Academic Doping
4. the nation's school children are fluent in Klingon but lack basic mathematical skills
6. the nation's school children are fluent in Klingon but lack basic mathematical skills
#576 Light at the End of the Tunnel
3. children crying over dropped ice creams are offered high doses of experimental antidepressants
#577 Second World Problems
4. Party members are derided as class traitors
#579 Real Handwriting Has Curves
3. kids are exceptionally good at digging holes
#580 @@NAME@@ Taking Leave of Its Census?
1. the country's population is reported with a margin of error of several billions
4. according to the latest national census as many as two-thirds of the respondents possibly consider 'violet' their favorite color
5. only @@LEADER@@'s friends count in the eyes of the government
#593 A Right to Bare Arms?
4. fathers are free to sell their daughters to whomever they choose
#623 Maison d'Être?
5. disputed territories across @@REGION@@ are being claimed by @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ college students
#655 No Bones About It
2. oddly simian-looking religious thugs beat up anyone who suggests humans are related to monkeys
#661 Scouting for Boys, Girls... Anyone?
2. no one knows how to tie a reef knot
#668 How to Examine Your Testees
3. home education can sometimes be a load of bullocks
#680 The Fault Is in Our Stars
1. a full moon at night lets economists sleep tight
#710 Feudal Feuds
3. the government believes in trickle-down happiness
#763 Any Body for Science?
2. the consent form for routine blood pressure measurement has been nominated for the 'Novel Of The Year' award
#769 How to Print Money?
5. the barter economy has taken over as the @@CURRENCY@@ has become worthless
#784 The Driving Force
3. double-parking is on the rise as automobile numbers increase
#793 [@@CAPITAL@@gate] Knock Knock. Who's There? Not You Anymore!
3. the entirety of @@LEADER@@'s administration can be crammed into a phone booth
#830 Unreasonable Adjustments?
1. blind students are at a disadvantage now that test papers printed in braille have been discontinued
#847 All the Lonely People
4. lonely people are supposed to be cheered up by the many parties that they are never invited to
#857 Are You There God Particle? It's Me, @@LEADER@@
5. the government's official stance on scientific inquiry is 'there's no question so big that it can't be ignored'
#865 A Funeral for a Fiend?
4. the government only announces the deaths of its members when it's convenient
#867 Museums: Things of the Past?
5. the nation's historic treasures have been sold off to Maxtopia's "Museum of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Artifacts That They're Too Stupid to Appreciate"
#878 DoublePlusUnGood
3. one-word headlines are the norm in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ newspapers
#882 Death by Chocolate
2. the regional delicacy of chocolate bombes is deadlier than an unexploded bomb
#900 Piracy on the High Trees
4. newly-privatized lumberjacks are clearcutting the forest to meet demand
#907 A Problem Shared
4. boom-and-bust cycles are being peddled as economically inevitable
#910 A for Effort
1. marine biology students are shocked to discover that a whale is a mammal
#920 Central Planning Theatrics
3. ticket touts are blamed for the downfall of communism
#927 Your Assignment, Should You Choose to Accept It
1. parents are relieved they no longer need to help with their kids' algebra homework
#959 A-Major Debate
2. music teachers are commonly seen busking in order to fund their music programs
3. music teachers are commonly seen busking in order to fund their music programs
4. high school band practice is often crashed by technicolor-clad ravers
5. students who do not recite the national anthem each morning have to drop and give their teacher 50
#977 Tragedy of Wounded Earlobe
4. the government evicts ethnic minorities by stranding them in the wilderness
#988 Highway Robbery by the Book!
4. education for the poor is learning to ask "do you want fries with that?"
#996 Scripting a Change?
4. the libraries of @@NAME@@ are staffed by lone, lonely librarians
#1003 That Smarts
3. the current TV ratings hit is "Keeping Up With The @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@"
#1021 Room and Board Games
4. multilingual concierges man empty inner city apartment blocks
#1041 A Sport Retort
1. children who display even minimal sporting aptitude are immediately assigned a personal trainer
#1059 Footing the Bill
2. children can sing 'We Are the Champions' but can't spell it
#1116 To Each According to His Feed
5. the red star of communism has been replaced by the gold star of the McRonald's badge
#1169 An Old Head on Young Shoulders
3. many believe that you can't repeat history's mistakes if you don't care what they were
#1172 Piled Higher and Deeper
1. engineers ask liberal arts majors "Do you want fries with that?"
2. college-level writing classes are taught by undergraduate editors of the school newspaper
3. classes at @@CAPITAL@@ University get canceled on Brancaland's Independence Day
4. classes at @@CAPITAL@@ University get canceled on Brancaland's Independence Day
#1194 Lost in Translation
2. people are bored of easy crossword puzzles
#1245 Sheepish Students
3. a long-distance hike gets students geared up for a long day at school
4. the wealthiest parts of the country receive the most government spending
#1257 It's a Kind of Magic
3. populations of two-headed @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ have been found around recently-uncovered archaeological sites
#1278 A Textbook Cover-Up?
3. a petition to improve @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ literacy is mostly signed with cross-marks
#1306 The Least Common Educator
3. most people think algebra is something a mermaid wears
#1307 A Duty to Serve
2. teenagers sit around on their butts all day
#1311 An Acquired Taste
4. gaping tourists take long-distance photos of diseased natives on "indigenous peoples" safari tours
#1361 Fundamental Rights
4. the nation's girls answer "apple" when asked what makes pi
#1407 New Tricks
1. @@LEADER@@'s new door-knocking campaign has the sweet taste of success
#1418 The High Life
3. stray dogs and children root through the trash for snacks
#1423 A Slice of the Pi
3. brain injury is seen as a desirable outcome rather than a side effect of contact sports
#1459 Friends With Tax Benefits
3. unemployed accountants keep double-entry ledgers of their benefit claims
#1495 Throwing Paleontologists a Bone
3. the government prefers to leave the past buried

Removed by:

#586 School's in for Summer?
1. the family summer vacation has become a thing of the past following the introduction of the year-round school year

Sometimes removed by:

#3 Harry Potter Censorship Row
2. the latest Harry Potter book is a bestseller
#4 Economic Collapse Looms!
1. all industry is owned and run by the government
#15 More Police Needed
2. education and welfare spending are on the rise
#18 Citizens Struggle Under "Unfair" Tax Burden
3. citizens select which government department gets their income tax @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ each year
#20 Gunman Kills Three
3. preschoolers practice disarming active shooters before naptime
#24 Budget Time: Accountants Excited
1. a large-scale revitalization of the education system is underway
#33 Genetics Brings New Life to Extinct Species
1. scientists recently cloned the long-extinct feather-bellied @@ANIMAL@@
#38 @@NAME@@ Looks to the Stars
3. religious classes are compulsory for all school students
4. morality classes are compulsory for all school students
#40 Hukd on Fonix Workd 4 Me!
2. the education system has gotten a recent boost in spending
3. the government spends millions of tax @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ on vouchers to pay for expensive private schools
#56 "Give Us Money!" Quoth the Poet
1. people reciting Shakespeare have become a common sight
#58 Violent Violetists Demand Blood!
4. the government pours millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ into rehabilitation programs annually
#62 Oh, the Angst!
3. schools have extensive counseling programs for troubled students
#71 Minority Group Demands Language Recognition
1. a National Academy regulates grammar and usage
2. children are raised bilingual from an early age
#75 Cutting Off Sex Offenders?
2. re-education centers are being added to most prisons
3. criminal rehabilitation takes place in re-education centers
#81 Close Encounters of the Sci-Fi Kind?
1. UFO sightings are listed daily in the morning news
#93 Affirmative Action in @@NAME@@?
3. @@NAME@@'s free colleges struggle to maintain standards in the face of overwhelming demand
#99 We Need Cash, Sharpish, Say Librarians
1. libraries are now installed with jacuzzis and mini-bars
3. all writing must pass a censorship board before being allowed on the shelves
#104 Public Loudspeakers Shrill With Controversy
3. ad-blocking has been nationalised
#109 Karate Kids Cause Controversy
1. the government helps teach children how to kill a man from six paces
#113 Test Results Deemed 'Ungood' After Global Survey
1. the government funds private schools for intellectually gifted children
3. the education system is famed for its taxing exams
#115 @@NAME@@'s Schoolchildren Not Learning the Lingua Franca
1. citizens are expected to be proficient in at least five languages
#129 Tribal Troubles
2. the tribal zone has been opened to up to 'economic interest' groups
3. the tribal zone has been opened to up to 'economic interest' groups
#135 A Taxing Dilemma
2. the sound of wooden legs echo throughout @@NAME@@ after the recent introduction of the Foot Tax
#146 Evolution: Truth or Witchcraft?
4. children are sent to either religious or secular schools
#159 Think Tank Proposes Privatised Prisons
2. convicted murderers are free to walk the streets provided they attend rehabilitation classes
#161 Where There's a Will There's a Tax
1. the government seizes the property of the recently deceased
#162 Animal Experimentation Laws Under Scrutiny
2. several citizens have complained about scientists abducting their pets for experimentation
#190 Immigrants Import Homeland Rivalries
3. children are brainwashed at a young age to accept "love and peace!" as a way of life
#200 Birds, Bees, and Breeding Teens
1. teenagers are told they're not thinking about sex enough
2. teenagers are told they're not thinking about sex enough
#202 Guns or Butter?
3. strategic bombers are being converted into preschools
#204 Lack of Doctors Needs Cure
1. more and more students are taking up a career in medicine
#205 No More Broccoli, Beg Meat-Eaters
2. illegal hunting is rife after veganism was recently made compulsory
#209 Students Demand Financial Aid
1. the number of students attending university has reached a record high
3. it's normal to start working life with crippling financial debt
#216 Eminent Domain: Inherent Right or Daylight Robbery?
3. the government seizes private property for the 'good of the people'
#223 Easter Egg: Zombie Attack!
3. international organisations everywhere are united in their condemnation of the nation's zombified military (@@EGG@@)
#225 Prayer in Public Schools?
3. religious education is a new government priority
#227 Underage Drinkers: Social Menace or Misunderstood?
5. the government is pursuing a new programme aimed at promoting cultural sophistication
#235 From Green Pastures to Grey Wastelands
4. agricultural science is the most competitive subject at universities
#247 Where There's Smoke
3. most citizens in @@NAME@@ are abject pyrophobes after extremely graphic pamphlets were mailed nationwide by the government
#249 Particle Accelerator Sparks High Energy Debate
1. construction of the Really Big Hadron Collider is underway
#252 Great Balls of Fire!
2. the government has adopted a "Lightning Never Strikes Twice" approach to dealing with natural disasters
#262 Sticks and Stones
3. the government is promoting multicultural values with the new 'Just Be Nice, OK?' initiative
#273 Is Our Children Learning?
1. students cut up leftover @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ during Arts and Crafts
#276 Circus Clowns Cause Chaos!
2. students are wary of colorfully decorated new teachers with names like Professor Pipsqueak
#281 Free Internet for @@NAME@@?
2. students abandon classrooms for online education
#284 Drug Legality Run Amok
1. the government has begun selling heroin and ecstasy to help fund its projects
#322 Empathy a Rare Commodity?
1. citizens are tied down and forced to watch educational videos on empathy
#335 Log Us Back On
2. the government is buying children's books by the thousands
#340 Defending Patent Pending
3. the government subsidizes everything from particle physics to fabric softeners
#347 Crime Problems Ganging Up on @@NAME@@
2. new funding allows inner city teachers to replace school laptops almost as fast as they get stolen
#348 I Want a Lawyer
3. every street in the nation contains at least three law firms
#358 Not Another Teen Pregnancy
6. getting an abortion takes less hassle than writing a letter
#372 The Coming of the Commissars
1. troops are either deafened by gunfire or a hysterical voice screaming the Party manifesto
#373 Devil and the Deep Blue Funding Gap
1. mantis shrimp studies is academia's fastest-growing field
#374 Lion Dad Sparks Child-Rearing Sentiment
1. helicopter parenting is on the rise
#381 Mamma @@NAME@@, Let Me Go
1. the government has an "easy come, easy go" policy on youth crime
#382 The Appropriate Amount of Appropriation
3. school children are expected to know the names of all seven hundred native tribes and their cultural practices
#405 [An International Incident] Time for a Colonyoscopy!
1. the nation has gained millions of new citizens overnight
#413 A Shot in the Arm
4. science centers and state of the art laboratories are ubiquitous
#414 Subpar Suburbs
2. government crews work tirelessly to retake the suburbs from organized packs of raccoons
#416 Prophet Margins
2. government officials go door-to-door educating about the dangers of pseudoscience
#421 No Child Left Behind Enemy Lines
1. army uniforms are replaced en masse to accommodate adult soldiers
#425 Teach Your Farmers Well
1. even the nation's brussel sprouts are delicious and nutritious
#428 Crop Circles Clutter @@CAPITAL@@
3. it is a crime to operate a combine harvester while intoxicated
#441 You've Got a Friend in Bee
3. foreign governments are looking into weaponizing the infamous @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ bee
4. foreign governments are looking into weaponizing the infamous @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ bee
#448 It Takes a Village
2. parents who fail mandatory parenting classes risk having their children taken away
#450 Colonial Testimonial
1. colonial citizens are forced to sing the praise of the "Great @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Liberator"
#467 Saving Your Own Foreskin
3. teenagers performing appendectomies on their friends has become a popular schoolyard prank
#477 Feeding Frenzy
3. meals are now followed by thirty minutes of mandatory exercise
#478 The Show Must Go On
1. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Arts Council pays teenagers to sit through opera performances
#486 An Impressing Dilemma
2. the army lures cannon fodder with promises of a college education
#487 Masks of Shame
1. country folk are sent to obligatory boarding schools to learn how to be civilized
#495 Beloved "Planet" Has Gone to the Dogs
3. the nation's leading climatologists are investigating animal flatulence in efforts to reduce methane emissions
#496 Rock 'n' Roll Suicide
1. every workday begins with group therapy
#497 The Widening Gyre
1. the once prosperous capital is in utter decline
#504 Short Shorts Too Short?
1. high school boys are required to pass vigorous self-mastery and sensitivity training to graduate
#506 It's Official: "I Do" Does Do It
2. children in school learn that marriage and slavery go hand in hand
#509 It Was Asbestos Times, It Was the Worst of Times
1. citizens are abandoning their homes en masse in a widespread panic over asbestos
#517 Gallery in Need of a Renaissance
2. the National Art Gallery's newest exhibit is the 500-year-old Luna Lisa
#518 Face Lift
4. @@CAPITAL@@ has become the number one destination for urban exploration in @@REGION@@
#521 The Wreck of the Edward Fitzpatrick
5. meteorologists are instantly recognizable from their luxury cars and jewelry
#522 Time to Get Serious
5. students memorise knock-knock jokes for their mandatory twice-a-term Comedy Examinations
#523 A Family Affair
3. government-sanctioned speed mating is rife with Party-sanctioned abuse of power
#536 Any Witch Way Spells Disaster
3. young and brooding teens are welcomed with open arms to the Dogwarts School of Strangeness and Sorcery
4. no one believes anything until it has been strenuously tested and peer-reviewed
#542 What a Waste
3. nuclear physics is the most popular course at university
#548 Appointment of a Science Advisor
1. every new building project has to undergo a five-year environmental impact study before it can go ahead
3. advertisements for jobs in the sciences run in fashion magazines
#550 10 Awful Crimes You Just Won't Believe!
2. church and state are inseparable in their influence on education
#556 Here Be Dragons?
1. young children are learning advanced physics to scientifically disprove the existence of Santa Claus
3. failed genetic experiments wreak havoc as they roam the countryside
#558 Turning a Blind Eye?
1. every week is blindness awareness week
#561 Plug in and Play
2. children entertain themselves by throwing rocks through the windows of world-class museums
#565 'A' Is for Academic Doping
1. popular cartoon characters frequently appear in government-sponsored PSAs reminding students to say no to drugs
#579 Real Handwriting Has Curves
1. urban graffiti is hand-calligraphed in perfectly kerned elegant fonts
2. signatures have been replaced with illegible scribbles
#580 @@NAME@@ Taking Leave of Its Census?
2. no personal detail is too tiny for the suede-denim census police
#581 Fair to Say...?
2. intellectual snobbery has the cognoscenti sneering at anyone who doesn't have an opinion on the semiological drift of Umberto Eco's works
#582 Augmented Reality Check
3. people seem disproportionately distraught when told a museum has a phones-off policy
#589 To Boldly Go?
1. the government is continually probing the galaxy in search of alien life
#598 A Violet Trojan Horse
4. political talk shows often have children as guests whenever they need commentary on world religions
#600 Making a House a Home
1. @@LEADER@@'s luxurious new home has been designated as a protected cultural heritage site
#605 The Noblest of Intentions
1. former nobles are being issued new identities in the wake of the end of serfdom
#609 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@, Drugs, and Rock'n'Roll
3. the sanitised and dull music festivals of @@NAME@@ are famed for their reasonable volume levels
#611 Blundering Battle Bureaucrats
3. out-of-work soldiers and bureaucrats can often be found camped out in front of manservant academies
#624 A Role to Play
3. taking hostages is a great way to influence government policy
#629 Boom or Bust?
2. male tourists tend to be fearful of @@NAME@@'s deadly femme fatales
#630 This Green and Pleasant Land
5. excited shovel-bearing geeks wander the countryside
#637 Little Pizza History
1. the nation has nearly as many history museums as @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@
#638 Won't Somebody Think of the Children?
1. orphans would rather live their life of luxury than be adopted by prospective parents
#642 This Way's Kinder
1. squeaky high prepubescent voices recite the patriotic poem "Hail to The Leader!" before each meal
#646 Lesson Learnt
1. disadvantaged youths often commit felonies to enhance their educational prospects
#655 No Bones About It
3. children as young as eight can present logical proofs for the existence of the afterlife
#659 Ramping Up the Difficulty
2. disability advocates are not amused that they are told to be dependent on @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@'s kindness
#661 Scouting for Boys, Girls... Anyone?
1. Scoutmasters debate whether luxury log cabins defeat the purpose of camping
3. truancy officers have a hard time catching children trained in advanced camouflage skills
#671 Adenine, Thymine, Copyright, and Guanine
2. the government has an entire department dedicated to staring at microscopes and writing down letters
#672 All Shook Up
2. earthquake sirens are a leading cause of hearing loss
#676 Down the Rabbit Hole
2. cash-strapped junkies lick rabbits for a cheap high
#680 The Fault Is in Our Stars
3. the new Really Big Telescope has been praised for presenting pictures of bright dots in unprecedented detail
#683 Different Keystrokes for Different Folks
1. edutainment video games are taking @@NAME@@'s students to the next level
2. @@LEADER@@'s office has a newly installed Max-Man arcade game programmed by a 5th-grader
#691 The Prodigal States
1. the nation forgives those who are big enough to admit they made a mistake
#694 Concussive Percussion
3. tuba players are paid to quietly whisper into their instruments
#719 Buried Bones Unearth Debate
2. graverobbers claim they're acting within the interest of 'scientific preservation'
#721 A Lack of Comma Sense
1. serial commas clarify the relationship between one's lackeys, the taxpayers, and kinsfolk
#729 Teenage Kicks
1. five-year-olds chanting "Little Miss Muffet" are accused of bullying arachnophobes
#735 Rap Sheet
3. songs in 4/4 time are simply too common for the musical cognoscenti
#739 In Loco Parentis
3. fifteen-year-olds cannot walk younger siblings to school without a professional Childcare and Education Certificate
#749 Not Mushroom for Error
1. park rangers perform full-body searches on suspected fungus smugglers
2. undergrads find their professors' mushroom experiments less psychedelic than expected
3. posters remind people that 'Hoarding Mushrooms Is Theft'
#753 I've Got My Ion You
3. soldiers find that home gadgets and power tools are more effective as improvised weapons than the guns they've been issued
#756 The Issue With Issues
4. only clowns with PhDs from clown college can advise @@LEADER@@ on @@NAME@@'s coulrophobia epidemic
#768 Trouble Brewing
2. the nation grinds to a halt for afternoon tea
3. machine-peeled candied grapes come in individual packaging for the busy commuter
#773 Know Thy Selfie
1. @@LEADER@@'s media campaigns take a hiatus around exam week
#781 The White Man's Burden
2. religious bigotry is not allowed but bigotry against theism is encouraged
#785 Born to Be My Baby
3. divorcees attending custody disputes tend to wear black-and-white zigzag patterns
#804 Motivational Posters
2. telling someone to 'break a leg' is considered a criminal inducement to self harm
#830 Unreasonable Adjustments?
2. employers are finding it hard to screen candidates now that everyone gets A grades in their exams
#851 Commercial Tidings Well in Advance
5. citizens who want to celebrate the holidays generally deck the halls with old newspaper trimmings and dirty socks
#852 Brown Breeches Thanks to Speeches
1. members of the government all have oddly similar anecdotes about their childhoods
#853 Silence Is Golden
2. citizens no longer take selfies with their dead relatives at funerals
#855 Thin Evidence
3. children must make a homemade spinach and ricotta rotolo by high school or be held back
#857 Are You There God Particle? It's Me, @@LEADER@@
2. mathematicians are gathering an infinite number of @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ and typewriters to see if they can recreate the works of Max Barry
3. the new Grand Inquisitor of Righteous Scientific Inquiry has ordered a surprising amount of hemlock
#860 A Blast From the Past
3. students learn how to disarm mines before understanding basic arithmetic
#861 Out With the Old
3. citizens worry more about a split end than their deceased parent
#866 O Medication, Where Art Thou?
2. cooking with water and baking soda is considered patent infringement
#867 Museums: Things of the Past?
1. museums have more touchscreens on display than artifacts
2. education is transforming people into first-rate snobs
#882 Death by Chocolate
1. school lunches are made with hypo-allergenic wood pulp
#892 The Old Metric
2. 10-year-olds who struggle with integrating by parts are considered slow learners
#910 A for Effort
2. hidden bedroom-cams are installed to catch mothers doing their kids' homework
4. frat-house partying has become the national pastime
#918 J'Accuse!
6. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ submit requests for a date in writing with an enclosed RSVP card
#924 Total Eclipse of the Brain
2. a decrease in wailing and gnashing of teeth at astronomical events is reducing demand for dentistry
#927 Your Assignment, Should You Choose to Accept It
2. student exchange programs are in trouble as everyone wants to leave but no-one wants to come
3. just as students finish their homework it's time for school
#933 A Gun in Every Hand and a Tank in Every Garage?
4. international terrorists often get their weapons supply in @@NAME@@
#943 Big Love, Big Problems?
3. boys who take just one date to the high school prom are called 'losers'
#944 Deadly Persuasion
3. even religious militants can be swayed by the power of #love
#946 Better In Than Out
2. farting etiquette is taught in schools
#948 1x, 2x, 3x, a Lady
3. women complaining about lack of opportunity are told to "man up"
4. women complaining about lack of opportunity are told to "man up"
5. male celebrity chefs are laughed at for their lack of manliness
#954 Varsity Blues
2. students at universities think exercise bikes are pieces of abstract art
#962 A Matter of Loaf and Death
3. new government leaflets tell coeliac children to eat more crisps
#968 @@NAME@@ Falls Flat in Singing Contest
4. light entertainment shows are light on actual entertainment
#970 For Want of a Nail
6. the government decides its policies by observing the flight of birds
#972 Sing Heil!
1. concert halls sport signs proclaiming "No Shorts, Sandals or Swastikas"
#976 Demonic Possession Getting You Down?
1. the government regularly reassures citizens that there are no monsters under their beds
#984 A Midsummer Night's Snooze-Fest
1. some are born loving old plays and some have old plays thrust upon them
4. all the playground's a stage for @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ schoolchildren
5. chrome-clad space marines are such stuff that dreams are made on
6. hammer and sickle-wielding space marines are such stuff that dreams are made on
#985 Service With a Snarl
2. rude retail employees are now even ruder homeless panhandlers
#988 Highway Robbery by the Book!
3. strip mining of rare earth metals is up while back problems are down
#996 Scripting a Change?
1. textbooks are exactly twice as heavy as they used to be
3. the team in charge of creating a new writing system have spent months deciding whether or not to use serif or sans-serif characters
#999 Just Plane Ridiculous
2. scientists earn more grant money for reproducing old experiments than trying anything new
4. kids are taught in schools to argue with their parents
#1006 Opening the Door to Controversy
2. schoolboys trained in chivalry are encouraged to duel other boys for a maiden's hand
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ seem to be catching more chills
#1009 A Woman's Roll
1. thousands of picky mothers-in-law have been recruited to serve as even pickier cookery instructors
2. thousands of picky mothers-in-law have been recruited to serve as even pickier cookery instructors
#1010 What's Got Into @@NAME@@?
1. grocery stores can be audibly identified by the giggling emerging from them
#1016 Breaking Upset
4. Brown Sugar 101 is a popular course at community colleges
#1021 Room and Board Games
5. the property market is in a bit of a state
#1026 Size Matters
3. posters on '@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Values' advise against being proud of @@NAME@@
#1031 Down in the Groove
1. seven-year-olds debate for weeks on the merits of the Oxford comma
#1042 Failure to Launch
4. schoolchildren quote interesting facts about the square of the hypotenuse
#1043 Foundering Fashionistas
2. trust-fund babies line up for places in community college
#1045 [The Enemy Within] Gimme Some Truth
3. many suspect the government "doth protest too much" with their curiously specific denials of conspiracy theories
#1063 Playing It by the Numbers
4. the government is expanding hungrily in its conquest of bread
#1064 Culture Wars
1. practising saying 'how now brown cow' is an essential part of holiday planning
#1073 Much Ado About Everything
4. helping grandma with her Misgendering 101 homework is a national rite of passage
#1077 With Friends Like These...
4. funny-looking kids are stood at the front of the classroom for everybody to point and laugh at
#1081 The Queen in Yellow
2. mystics are claiming that a simultaneous rise in scepticism and education budgets is correlation rather than causation
#1098 Edged Out
3. schoolyard bullying has a tendency to escalate
#1099 New Satellite Blues
1. billions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are spent to take high-quality photos of the @@ANIMAL@@ Nebula
#1101 Unreal
1. a rolling news ticker tape of disclaimers runs across the bottom of the screen on all TV shows
#1103 Dàguó Takeaway
3. the government confiscates candy from babies for 'the greater good' of the nation
#1104 Balancing the Books
3. the book "Zen and the Art of Dog Maintenance" is inexplicably a worldwide success
#1106 Some Body to Love
2. girls who wear lipstick are berated for pandering to male gazes
#1117 Suffer Little Children
3. a sudden shout of "surprise!" does not herald a party for teachers
#1121 Tribes and Tribulations
3. foreign policy often involves bullwhips and leather
#1128 Get Thee Behind Me, Santa
2. children usually cry on their first day of school
3. children usually cry on their first day of school
#1130 Flash Crash Cash Dash
4. the stock market has been destroyed for its own protection
#1131 Safe Sects
2. five-year-olds who refuse to line up on command get gold stars
#1135 My Eyes Are Up Here
2. male cubicle workers stand up every time a woman enters the room
#1138 Shock Tactics
1. giggling teens are asked to put their mouths on rubber dolls
#1145 Your Wild Self(ie)
3. video evidence of cruel animal experiments tends to be of poor quality
#1152 Everybody Was Kung-Fu Fighting!
3. the 'three Rs' have become the 'four Rs' with the addition of Rightful Thought
#1173 Thinking a Little Too Hard?
1. the military is researching proton packs and PK-meters to combat "unseen enemy forces"
#1175 Can I Borrow a Word?
2. feuilletons can only be deciphered with a Galliennais dictionary
#1202 A Timely Intervention
1. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ watches list strained wrists as a common side effect
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ watches list strained wrists as a common side effect
#1208 Just Snoring With Excitement
2. students consistently complain that the wi-fi ate their homework
3. babysitters are a thing of the past
#1221 Man of the People
2. politicians can be condescending (which by the way means "showing an attitude of patronising superiority")
#1226 Unintelligent Oversight
3. the aims of top-secret @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ science projects revolve around designing the perfect robot woman
#1249 Red Dead Representatives
3. left-wing militias train children how to properly burn down banks
#1251 The Making of a Mass Murderer
2. schoolboys who turn to watch pretty girls go by are given detention
#1257 It's a Kind of Magic
1. every day has been a surprise since weather reporters turned to consulting ancient totems for their seven-day forecasts
#1259 Buy Low, Sell High
4. mandatory state-funded classes teach Libertarianism
#1262 Dead Tasty
2. the dessert 'Death by Chocolate' isn't the most lethal dish on the menu
#1266 Pink Is the New Orange
4. transgender and agender are on the education agenda
#1271 Cathedrals Have Never Been Hotter
2. rebuilding efforts for a recently destroyed cathedral aren't expected to be completed for another century
#1273 Lessons in Politics
1. evenings at university debating societies often end with everyone acknowledging both sides may well be right
#1278 A Textbook Cover-Up?
2. history textbook pages are used as impromptu tissues by distraught students
#1284 How to Choose the Chosen One
2. minority children find the right answer in school tests is always the most insulting one
#1287 Children of the Magna Carta
2. you're never too young to learn how to lie with confidence
#1291 The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
6. antacids top everyone's Maxxmas list
7. antacids top everyone's Maxxmas list
#1303 Amateur Hour
4. frisbee games on college quadrangles are grounds for expulsion
#1306 The Least Common Educator
2. it needn't take a lot of snot and tears to fix a problem
4. immigrant teachers use fat stacks of cash as teaching aids
5. immigrant teachers use fat stacks of cash as teaching aids
#1310 Intimate Relations
2. the slowest students feel vaguely targeted by their Mendelian Inheritance coursework
#1336 Take Good Care of My Baby
2. grim instructresses lead the unwillingly impregnated in chants of "it's all my fault" and "blessed be the fruit"
#1338 Slow and Stupid Is the Race
1. minorities play dumb to get more welfare payments
#1342 Uni-ted We Roll, Uni-ted We Fall
1. people often feel unbalanced by their daily commute
#1344 Ups and Downs
3. 75% of the words in government-funded "Super Fun Maths Games" are probably inaccurate
#1349 You Must Be 18 Years or Older to View This Content
2. kindergartners love the free balloons that their schools give them
3. kindergartners love the free balloons that their schools give them
#1350 The @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Are Coming!
4. a degree of self-hatred is vital for a future in politics
#1360 Ask a Stupid Question?
4. the only science is political science
#1423 A Slice of the Pi
1. pareidolic SETI scientists swear there's a message from aliens hidden within pi
#1432 Oh Dear
4. government fact-checkers use surprising amounts of high explosive
#1441 Don't Burn Baby Don't Burn
1. kindergartners' favourite dance move is the stop-drop-and-roll
#1442 A Green Bill of Health
2. vegetables are crisper thanks to CRISPR
3. vegetables are crisper thanks to CRISPR
#1445 The Dialectics of Dialects
3. every citizen sounds like a television news anchor
#1446 Yet Another Issue About Periods
1. teachers are dying as they attempt to read 500 word essays without pausing for breath
2. children spend all morning taking out a comma and all afternoon putting it back in again
#1447 The Lowest Form of Wit
1. you can tell when @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are being snarky by the fact their lips are moving
#1471 @@LEADER@@ and the Lost Chamber of Vetoes
1. old fossils give the tours at the parliamentary museum
#1478 Two Sides of a Coin
3. the nation's museums are real penny-pinchers
#1483 The Unkindest Cut
4. the government puts forth the claim that harming young girls is wrong
#1489 No Tern Left Unstoned
2. woke teenagers spontaneously burst into tears when thinking about the world's woes
#1490 @@LEADER@@ Wins Massive Victory!
3. the government's new "quiet competence" initiative has supporters and detractors alike reeling in confusion
#1495 Throwing Paleontologists a Bone
1. kids looking for shark teeth have become ancient history
#1523 Don't Tread on My Money
3. doctors are encouraged to 'pull the plug' any time the government has a budget crisis

compulsory gun ownership

Gained from:

#84 Compulsory Gun Ownership?
1. gun ownership is compulsory

Sometimes gained from:

#1449 Annie Get Your Gun
1. metal detectors at school gates make sure that teenagers are carrying at least one sidearm

Removed by:

#20 Gunman Kills Three
1. kids are arrested at gunpoint for playing with toy rifles
2. the nation is completely gun-free
#98 Police Want More Than Shiny Badge
3. the streets are plagued with knife-wielding madmen
#149 With Liberty, Freedom, and Guns for All?
2. citizens are frequently searched for illegal weapons
#158 Regarding Robbers' Rights
3. trespassers often find themselves impaled by crossbow bolts
#326 Knitters in a Knot Over Police Stitch Up
3. knitting needles have been banned in the name of public safety
#488 Bright Orange Is the New Black
1. gun regulations are so strict even staple guns and hot glue guns are illegal
2. gun regulations are so strict even staple guns and hot glue guns are illegal
#802 No Lock, No Gun Stock, and No Smoking Barrels
4. wars are filled with soldiers wielding machetes and chainsaws for safety reasons
#989 Gunman Wounds Three
1. gun-wielding gangsters sometimes deal death from as far as ten paces away
2. children cry as government officials steal their water pistols
#1449 Annie Get Your Gun
4. it's no longer mandatory for armless amputees to own ironic side-arms

compulsory military service

Gained from:

#109 Karate Kids Cause Controversy
2. the army's shirt ninja are the most feared assassins in the region
#147 Military Budgets Up for Approval
5. military service is compulsory
#157 Sergeants Are Too Nasty, Say New Recruits
4. newborns are being raised as mindless killing machines
#383 Born to Be Just a Bit Too Wild?
2. soldiers are noted for their ferocity and illiteracy
#426 Women in Uniform Under Fire
3. women are ordered home to reproduce for the glory of the @@TYPE@@
#485 Really Real eSports Tournament
4. all gamers have been drafted into the military despite their lack of upper body strength
#486 An Impressing Dilemma
1. confused drunks wake up to irate drill sergeants whipping them into shape
5. new vat-grown soldiers are as replaceable as bullets
#489 Standing at Attention
4. handsome young men are forced into uniforms by their dominant elders
#638 Won't Somebody Think of the Children?
2. the nation's orphanages and maternity wards have been nicknamed 'the Killbot Factories'
#660 Are We Being Served?
1. retail staff are trained to take both inside leg measurements and the lives of their enemies
#931 In the Navy
3. military promises of adventure don't live up to the brochure for unwilling conscripts
#964 An Expensive Watch
4. army regiments supporting different football teams are a frequent cause of friendly fire incidents
#1073 Much Ado About Everything
1. young soldiers are shocked to discover there are no 'safe spaces' on a battlefield
2. young soldiers are shocked to discover there are no 'safe spaces' on a battlefield
#1251 The Making of a Mass Murderer
4. the army's trophy cabinets have gone all-organic

Removed by:

#184 Compulsory Military Service Under Attack
1. the military struggles with recruitment
#238 We Need a Few Good Men Who Like Men?
5. the nation is constantly threatened with invasion but at least homosexuality in the military isn't a problem
6. the nation is constantly threatened with invasion but at least homosexuality in the military isn't a problem
#366 Prosecute Stolen Valour, Says Military
3. soldiers have swapped their uniforms for prisonwear
4. soldiers have swapped their uniforms for prisonwear
#810 Armed and Unready
5. nobody is forced to join the armed forces
#956 The Bottom of the Gun Barrel
2. unemployed youngsters trained to kill are being released en masse into society

compulsory vegetarianism

Gained from:

#7 Animal Liberation Front Strikes Again
3. vegetarianism is compulsory
#350 Queasy Cuisine
6. the food pyramid has been replaced with the word PASTA in bold block capital letters
#367 What's Their Beef?
3. unemployed butchers line the streets
#483 Do You Want Fries With That?
4. pizza parlors have been replaced by lima bean cafes
#825 Bugging Out on Beef
5. finding half a worm in your apple is an arrestable offense
6. finding half a worm in your apple is an arrestable offense
#1301 Meat the Neighbours
4. proletariat workers identify less with the hammer and sickle and more with the touchscreen and phone charger
#1474 Cuy Bono?
3. delicate flowers faint at news of house plants being eaten

Removed by:

#205 No More Broccoli, Beg Meat-Eaters
1. abattoirs are running at full capacity in response to skyrocketing demand
3. the consumption of vegetables is illegal
#625 Delivering the Goods
11. former customs officers are adjusting to their new lives as market stall traders
#1213 The War of Man and Beast
4. the nation's iron imports are booming
#1436 Meat Meet
3. the legalization of meat has skewered the sales of vegetarian substitutes

conspicuous electricity pylons

Gained from:

#206 @@NAME@@ Narrowly Misses Nuclear Accident
4. @@NAME@@'s nuclear power is imported from neighbouring countries

Sometimes gained from:

#1185 Should Be Sufficient
3. the best fashion comes straight to the high street from sweatshops all across the globe
4. socialism gives everyone a share of the economy's growing carbon footprint
#1356 The Silicon Curtain
3. autarky's deemed malarkey as foreign bric-a-brac's brought back

Removed by:

#301 Are 'Friends' Electric?
1. environmentalists are staging large protests in front of reopened nuclear power plants
#649 Made in Maxtopia
3. there are no bananas today in @@NAME@@
#815 Embargoed In
3. there is a law against "filthy foreign food"
#1216 Not My Government
4. an iron curtain has descended around the nation
#1420 Trading Climate Sours
3. attempts at growing pineapples in the desert have been unsuccessful

daily referendums

Gained from:

Sometimes gained from:

#11 People Request Not So Much Dictatorship, if That's All Right
2. the government is cutting back on the number of political prisoners executed each year
#125 Bring Back the Ballot?
1. @@NAME@@'s first free elections in recent memory have been successfully concluded
#163 Referenda: Are They Right for @@NAME@@?
1. a referendum must be held in order for any new law to be passed
3. referenda can be called for any law at the request of at least one third of the voting population
#177 Power to the People?
1. elections have recently been reintroduced to @@NAME@@
#339 The Bear Necessities
1. workers have seized control of the economy
#359 Got Democracy?
3. corrupt Party bureaucrats are being voted out of office in overwhelming numbers
4. widespread voter apathy has been credited to allegations that all candidates are puppets of @@LEADER@@
#461 If at First You Don't Succeed...
3. the monarch's main official duty is christening ships
7. @@NAME@@ has taken the radical step of electing its future leaders
#465 Lottocracy Causing Lots of Trouble
1. a TV celebrity dominates the nation's newest democratic political party
#502 Scientists Declare That @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ Are Persons
3. the new @@ANIMAL@@ Supremacy Party is faring well in the polls
4. the new @@ANIMAL@@ Supremacy Party is faring well in the polls
#805 Solving a Dissolving Dilemma
1. citizens are exhausted from weekly general elections
#872 Party On, @@LEADER@@!
2. the best way to be heard in politics is to speak softly and carry a big comedy prop
#884 You're Psychotic, @@LEADER@@
1. the decision to be oppressed is now made democratically
#1315 No Boycott After All; Parliament Just Got Lost
1. drawing straws has given way to straw polls
#1517 I Guess You Can Tell Me the Odds
3. governance is once again the domain of the elite

Removed by:

#0 Should Democracy Be Compulsory?
3. elections have been outlawed
#17 Corporations Demand Political Say
3. a dictator has seized power and outlawed elections
#54 Time to Put the Older Senators Out to Pasture?
3. elections are outlawed and a hairstylist has recently received a government appointment
#65 Should Martial Law Be Declared?
2. martial law has been declared and the populace is kept under tight control
#111 Southern @@NAME@@ Demands Semi-Autonomy
3. protesters against the government are hanged as a warning to others
#182 Younger Voters a Cure for Apathy?
3. the nation's leader appoints ministers directly
#202 Guns or Butter?
1. politicians are often seen with soldiers pointing guns at their heads
#220 Voter Apathy Rising but No One Cares
4. citizens are more concerned about voting for Big Brother contestants than politicians
#230 Extremists on the Ballot Sheet
3. the government has repealed elections for fear of 'mob rule'
#243 A Question of Faith
5. @@LEADER@@ is the self-declared God of all @@NAME@@
#253 How Much Democracy Is Too Much?
1. the government has ordered a moratorium on referenda
#267 Controversial Coup Causes Commotion
4. pollsters are out of a job as elections have been cancelled
#360 Electile Dysfunction
4. some members of Parliament are illiterate
#534 Too Few Cooks in the Kitchen
3. the nation's latest batch of politicians include internet comedians, an alleged serial killer, and a highly trained @@ANIMAL@@
5. the only things @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ vote on are cutest @@ANIMAL@@ competitions
#597 You Can't Handle the Tooth
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are free from pain - but the side effects include loss of individual thought and freedom
#736 A Badly Named Issue
3. tyranny by any other name smells just as sour
#796 [@@CAPITAL@@gate] It's Dangerous to Go Alone!
1. propaganda posters remind citizens that 'opinions are treason'
#812 The Old Boys' Club
5. a twice-bankrupted businessman's promotion to Minister of Finance has caused concern
#1082 It's Hard to Separate the Truth From Entertainment
3. the country is governed by a clique of political insiders known colloquially as The Establishment
4. government doublethinkers have declared that voting is slavery
#1088 Inexpert Opinions
4. the government terminates employment with extreme prejudice
#1161 Chip Off the Ol' Bloc
3. the government has ended partisanship by ending elections
#1192 Child's Play
5. farmers trade ploughshares for swords when military sortition puts them in charge of regiments
#1461 No Shirt, No Shoes, No ID, No Service
4. the only legal elections are for student body president
#1490 @@LEADER@@ Wins Massive Victory!
4. the media only bothers polling the three most exclusive country clubs in the nation

deadly medical pandemics

Gained from:

Sometimes gained from:

#7 Animal Liberation Front Strikes Again
1. Animal Liberationists are regularly arrested
#8 Nudists Demand Time in Sun
2. public nudity is compulsory
#19 @@NAME@@ Awash With Red-Rimmed Eyes
2. all recreational drugs are legal
#25 Cloning Research Promises New Breakthrough
2. genetic researchers have been expelled
#26 Compulsory Organ Harvesting Proposed
2. organ donation rates are among the lowest in the region
#27 Cash for Colons?
2. organ donation rates have hit a new low
#28 Cancer Sufferer Demands Euthanasia Bill
1. euthanasia is legal
#34 Don't Puff on Me, Say Non-Smokers
3. eight-year-olds can be seen lighting up in public areas
#45 Baseball League Steps Up to the Plate
1. major cities shut down as their local sports team takes to the field every day
#62 Oh, the Angst!
2. psychological disorders are a taboo subject
#66 Transgender Recognition Demanded
3. women wearing male lounge-wear are quizzed for hours by mental health practitioners
#68 Ornery Overcrowding Problem
1. the government regularly hires contractors to construct high rise apartments
#72 Widening Buttocks Cause Movie Theater Havoc
4. city sidewalks are crowded with overweight people
5. the state subsidizes liposuction
#73 @@NAME@@ - Without Cars, Going Nowhere Fast
1. the ban on cars has been repealed
2. the ban on cars has been repealed
3. the government is spending millions on alternative clean-burning fuels
#74 @@NAME@@'s Racers Growing Fast and Furious
1. the @@NAME@@ Automotive Racing Series draws millions of spectators annually while those near the tracks complain about the noise
#75 Cutting Off Sex Offenders?
4. convicted felons are forced into slavery for their crimes
5. convicted felons are forced into slavery for their crimes
#84 Compulsory Gun Ownership?
1. gun ownership is compulsory
2. citizens are permitted to carry concealed handguns
#87 Burn! Burn Everything!
2. firebombing politicians' offices has become a common way of expressing dissatisfaction
#88 Cannibals Demand to Taste What @@NAME@@ Has to Offer
1. murder rates are on the rise as the popularity of soylent products grows
2. soylent products are an expensive commodity due to a lack of volunteers
#90 Organic Outburst
2. a survey of the nation's rivers and children has shown that pesticide levels are at an all-time regional high
#92 @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Officials Needled About Mandatory Vaccinations
2. the state pays for care of easily preventable illnesses
#100 Road Rage Rampage
3. it's a common sight to see angry commuters with grenade launchers mounted on their vehicles
#105 Compensation Culture Must End, Say Corporations
1. corporations cut costs by taking away safety-features on their products
#106 Give the Red Light District the Green Light?
1. sales of fishnet stockings have reached a record high
3. government-run brothels can be found on every street corner
#107 Private Lab Holds @@NAME@@'s Sick to Ransom
3. the religious lobby has the power of veto over health initiatives
#110 Too Low on Laws, Say Citizens
2. the land is famous throughout the region for its rampant lawlessness
#116 Soda Sales Hits New 'High'
1. 'Mountain Doobie' is widely regarded as the nation's favourite drink
3. reports of attacks by bright purple sixty-foot high spiders have recently shot up
#117 Stop the Suits, Say Surgeons
1. appendix transplant figures have recently doubled
3. the insurance industry is outlawed
#118 Need for Speed?
1. the roads are notorious throughout the region for their peril
#123 Now, Vat's Food for Thought
3. traditional vegetarians are fuming over the introduction of vat-grown meat to the menu
#127 Aging Concerns in @@NAME@@
3. politicians cheer the nation's surging death rate
4. senior citizens are often found slaving away in factories
#135 A Taxing Dilemma
1. government officials have to mortgage their homes to make ends meet
#136 Much Ado About Abortion
3. abortions are carried out secretly in shady backstreet clinics
4. families are only permitted to have one child
#139 Drug Debate Hits the Streets
1. shops were recently ransacked as cigarettes returned to the shelves
3. zombie-like crowds of hard drug users stumble through the streets
#140 A Grave Problem
4. the dead are minced up and sold to people in burger form
#142 Roads Like Roller Coasters, Complain Motorists
2. the roads are virtually falling apart
#151 Build Bigger Bombs, Advise Scientists
1. citizens live in superstitious fear of the mysterious glowing clouds that float over @@NAME@@
2. the nation has recently been attributed to the funding of terrorist organisations
3. the nation has recently been attributed to the funding of terrorist organisations
#156 Waste Going to Waste, Says Industry Lobby
2. the nation's drinking water tends to glow green at night
#157 Sergeants Are Too Nasty, Say New Recruits
3. soldiers are slaughtered in their thousands due to lack of training
#167 Fluoride Controversy a Toothy Problem
2. the public health bureaucracy is wrapped in miles of red tape
3. the public health bureaucracy is wrapped in miles of red tape
4. most of the nation's wealthy aristocrats are dentists
#169 @@ANIMAL@@ Hunting Laws Under Dispute
4. hunters have been known to lose limbs while attempting to 'play tag' with their prey
#174 Maternity Leave a Must, Say Mothers
1. the nanny industry has had a boom after maternity leave was recently banned
#179 Mad @@ANIMAL@@ Disease Outbreak!
5. people all over @@NAME@@ are dying of 'Mad @@ANIMAL@@ Disease'
#185 "Bring Back Our Booze!" Cry Revellers
1. @@NAME@@'s fine wines are renowned throughout the region
#186 Carjacking Concerns
2. citizens drive tank-like vehicles with mounted machine guns
3. citizens drive tank-like vehicles with mounted machine guns
#190 Immigrants Import Homeland Rivalries
1. immigrant Maxtopians are routinely sold on popular internet auction sites
2. Maxtopian slaves are routinely sold as an optional extra for household appliances
#191 Blood Banks Running Dry
2. blood donations have been banned because of the risk of eternal unrest
#193 Robots Leaving Workers Jobless
3. manual labourers must be willing to have cybernetic limbs to get a job
#195 Right of Way or Wrong of Way?
2. large areas of @@NAME@@ are not accessible by the public
#197 Breastfeeding in Public: Innocent or Indecent?
2. nursing mothers are often arrested for indecent exposure
#200 Birds, Bees, and Breeding Teens
5. the most common answers to where babies come from are "uh... ask your mother" and "um... ask your father"
6. soldiers have a preference for fire-and-forget payloads
7. young girls often attend the same schools as their children
#203 Suffer the Starving Children?
3. the well-off are enjoying tax cuts while famine kills off the poor and destitute
#204 Lack of Doctors Needs Cure
4. healthcare funding has been cut
#205 No More Broccoli, Beg Meat-Eaters
1. abattoirs are running at full capacity in response to skyrocketing demand
3. the consumption of vegetables is illegal
#206 @@NAME@@ Narrowly Misses Nuclear Accident
2. nuclear reactors are held together with party string and Hubba Bubba
#208 Mine Collapse Rocks @@NAME@@
2. mining is the nation's most dangerous occupation
3. mining is the nation's most dangerous occupation
#220 Voter Apathy Rising but No One Cares
5. insomnia is slowly turning everyone insane
#222 Terrorists Strike City Centre
1. the armed forces are locked in an expensive and bloody war abroad to stamp out possible terrorists
6. the streets are ravaged by murder and violence to prove political points
#223 Easter Egg: Zombie Attack!
4. the flesh-eating lost souls that wander at night serve as a major tourist attraction (@@EGG@@)
5. the undead are an officially recognised ethnic minority (@@EGG@@)
6. the undead roam the streets and countryside at night (@@EGG@@)
#224 Minimum Wage War
4. the workforce is almost entirely made up of slave labour
#239 We Who Are About to Die Would Rather Go Home
1. it is a common belief that a sport isn't sport if there are no decapitations
3. criminals are thrown to the @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ to repay their debt to society
#241 A Capital City for @@NAME@@?
3. all government facilities are built in the subterranean citadel of @@CAPITAL@@
#246 @@NAME@@ to Hold the Olympic Torch?
4. chess hooliganism is on the rise after the banning of organised sports
#247 Where There's Smoke
1. reports of arson have doubled since the introduction of a privatised fire protection service
4. the government's only official statement on the burning down of @@CAPITAL@@ was that 'they shouldn't have been so careless'
#248 The Sky Is Falling
3. bombs are permitted on planes for the 'security of the passengers'
#251 The Trouble With Hobos
3. homeless people are frequently charged with trespassing on public property
#255 Welfare Programs Not Faring Well
3. penurious citizens die from easily remedied ailments because they aren't 'taking enough initiative'
#274 Brotherly Love - a Bit Too Close to Home?
1. inter-species marriages are ignored by the government
6. citizens may not "love, honor and obey" anyone except the State
#281 Free Internet for @@NAME@@?
4. electrocution deaths among computer technicians are at an all-time high
#284 Drug Legality Run Amok
5. absentminded citizens frequently converse with hallucinations
#285 A Right Not to Work?
2. police and sick people alike fear the Day of Rest as all institutions are forced to shut down
#286 A Whale of a Problem
4. fishing crews are regularly interrogated by surprisingly violent environmentalists
#288 Super-Sized Pizzas Recipe for Disaster?
3. a typical fast food menu item could serve a small army
#290 Wheels of Misfortune
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@-made cars tend to catch fire in people's driveways
#302 Delivering Mayhem in Thirty Minutes or Less!
3. city rooftops are pockmarked with the shattered remains of high velocity delivery drones
#329 Military Uniforms Under Scrutiny
6. shock troops shock enemy forces with their nudity
#337 Doctors Crossing Borders?
2. charity no longer begins at home
#338 The Silence and the Fury
2. most people suffer from some form of hearing loss
#342 This Land Was Made for You and Me
1. the new Refuse Hills housing development is under construction
3. citizens living in underground cities have developed a healthy green glow
4. citizens living in underground cities have developed a healthy green glow
#350 Queasy Cuisine
2. the nation's cuisine is the laughing stock of @@REGION@@
6. the food pyramid has been replaced with the word PASTA in bold block capital letters
#359 Got Democracy?
5. chemically brainwashed citizens praise @@LEADER@@'s name on an hourly basis
#362 After the Fall
3. the government prefers to take a hands-off approach to catastrophes
#364 It's UterUs, Not UterYou!
2. churches frequently hold public 'contraception burnings'
#369 No Vocation Without Remuneration
3. clandestine emigration to countries with labor laws is all the rage
#374 Lion Dad Sparks Child-Rearing Sentiment
4. society has literally been thrown to the wolves
#376 Death by Bungee
3. bungee jumpers frequently go splat
#399 [An International Incident] Invasion Plan
1. the might of the nation's military are undertaking a long march to colonisation in Brasilistan
#409 Water Palaver
2. the state funds the recreational drug habits of every citizen
#413 A Shot in the Arm
1. thousands of children die every day from easily curable illnesses
#415 Brain Pain on the Sports Plain
2. concussed @@ANIMAL@@ball players cannot remember their lineup position
3. concussed @@ANIMAL@@ball players cannot remember their lineup position
4. disgruntled jocks are forced to play tetris for entertainment
#420 Caught Green Handed
3. Maxtopian Grass flags adorn every college dorm room
#421 No Child Left Behind Enemy Lines
3. assault rifles sized for 7-year-olds are a frighteningly popular export
#426 Women in Uniform Under Fire
3. women are ordered home to reproduce for the glory of the @@TYPE@@
#434 Fraternity Furor
1. fraternities are notorious for drunken hooliganism
#442 You Can't Always Get What You Squat
1. homeless people can be found sleeping on streets in front of unoccupied second homes
#446 In the Land of Milk and Money?
4. prohibition has allowed a Maxtopian immigrant known only as "Nipples" to establish an illicit breast milk syndicate
#452 Foetal Furore
3. the travel industry is booming as pregnant women book tickets for "weekend trips" overseas
#456 Heads Will Roll
3. stylish juvenile delinquents are highly overrepresented in fatal motorcycle accidents
#461 If at First You Don't Succeed...
5. the health budget has been diverted into prolonging @@LEADER@@'s life
#462 Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me
4. the native owl population is in permanent hibernation
#463 Smart Cars Driving Regulators Up the Wall
2. self-driving cars occasionally mow down pedestrians to avoid inconveniencing passengers
3. self-driving cars obey the road rules even during emergencies
#467 Saving Your Own Foreskin
3. teenagers performing appendectomies on their friends has become a popular schoolyard prank
#474 Mesozoic Park
4. local councils have to call in dump trucks to clear parks of dinosaur droppings
#475 Where Have All the Flowers Gone?
2. penal labor is a de facto death sentence
#477 Feeding Frenzy
4. heart attacks are regarded as a coming of age ritual
#485 Really Real eSports Tournament
1. the government is a proud sponsor of the National Gaming Association
#488 Bright Orange Is the New Black
5. games of cops and robbers typically end in at least one fatal shooting
#490 The Long and Winding Halls of @@CAPITAL@@
1. auditors are gutting every governmental department
#493 Suspicious Superhuman Athletes?
3. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ athletes are close to breaking the 2 minute mile and the 16 meter long jump
4. many @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ struggle to find outlets for their pent-up competitive juices
#501 Munchkins in Makeup
3. children regularly take part in blood sports that result in extreme boo-boos
#505 Florists Blooming Mad
3. visions of giant pink @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ are a common side effect after @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ eat their meals
#507 Would a Rochebaron by Any Other Name Smell Just as Sweet?
1. the lactose-intolerant are force-fed cheese products with predictably gassy results
#509 It Was Asbestos Times, It Was the Worst of Times
3. hammering a nail into a wall is an effective death sentence
#512 Furnished for Failure
4. personal injury lawyers are demanding compensation from the government after recent reductions in manufacturer liability
#516 Sex Education Too Sexy, Say Parents
1. young adults still believe that @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ deliver newborns to expecting parents
#522 Time to Get Serious
2. maintaining economic growth is no laughing matter
4. smiling in public is seen as criminally suspicious behaviour
#533 Hearsay Heresy
3. the strong are acquitted and the weak are trampled in trial by @@A@@ @@ANIMAL@@
#538 @@LEADER@@, Let Your People Go!
4. public urination is on the increase
#544 Object-Oriented Programming
2. teenage male videogamers often suffer repetitive strain wrist injuries
#546 Dumpster Divers Dividing Denizens
1. nighttime sightings of raccoons sporting Circle-A patches and bandanna masks are on the rise
#549 Feasting or Fasting?
4. in its new More is More campaign the government advertises obese men and women posing coquettishly with baked goods to spare their blushes
#558 Turning a Blind Eye?
1. every week is blindness awareness week
3. dining out often involves @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ on the plate no matter what you order
#559 The Low Aspiration Nation
3. the unemployed are quite literally sold to the highest bidder
#561 Plug in and Play
1. retail stores have reported mile-long lines after the ban on video games was lifted
#563 Resistance Is Fertile
2. farm turkeys are given high doses of antidepressants to take their minds off the holiday season
4. subsidisation of Big Pharma has stopped many corporate executives from having to sell their second homes
#564 Do Good Intentions Make Good Samaritans?
2. children's books regularly feature formerly distressed damsels suing their princes
#565 'A' Is for Academic Doping
3. exam halls are littered with used needles and empty pill bottles
5. exam halls are littered with used needles and empty pill bottles
#575 Sick Days for Sick Waves
1. victims of limb-mauling industrial accidents are told to keep working with their remaining hand
2. victims of limb-mauling industrial accidents are told to keep working with their remaining hand
#576 Light at the End of the Tunnel
1. economic output is rising as the chronically depressed are persuaded not to burden society
#585 Are You Not Entertained?
3. amusement park rides frequently collapse due to lack of maintenance
4. nihilistic thrill-seekers claim that suicide by roller coaster is the ultimate life experience
#588 Last Call for Alcohol?
3. bars are packed at all hours
#597 You Can't Handle the Tooth
2. raver DJ XStacy holds multiple medical degrees in chillaxing
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are free from pain - but the side effects include loss of individual thought and freedom
#602 Hobby Lobby
5. the government has stated an intention to min-max its stats for 'teh pwnage'
#606 In the Black
3. exploding toys that leak battery acid are back in the shops after the government declared child safety 'over-rated'
#608 Thrown Into Sharp Relief
2. recognised healthcare professionals treat diabetes with a grain of sugar in a barrel of water
#618 The Jaws of a Dilemma
2. the mummified remains of former kings are apparently discovered every time a tourist loses their wallet
3. beaches are empty as the shark population multiplies exponentially
4. sharks are enjoying their deliveries of canned food
#635 Hey Kid, Have a Cigar
2. schoolyard sandboxes resemble ashtrays due to the large number of cigarette butts
3. schoolyard sandboxes resemble ashtrays due to the large number of cigarette butts
#639 No Country for Old Men
3. cubicles often double as graves as citizens literally work themselves to death
4. cubicles often double as graves as citizens literally work themselves to death
#641 Dirty Little Minds
3. life expectancy is way down but posthuman perfectionism is way up
#644 The Old Grey Matter
4. if they thought anyone would listen the older generation would likely say that nobody listens to them any more
5. grannies with arthritic hands work miserably on factory production lines
#651 Black Days for @@NAME@@
2. commemorative mugs remembering last year's Black Friday Crockery Riots are a best seller this year
#656 Ransoms Noted
3. cancer rates amongst the richest in society are inexplicably on the rise
#658 A Sickening Dilemma
3. adult stores are all sold out of whips
4. the nation's healthcare system has taken a "survival of the fittest" approach in administering care
#659 Ramping Up the Difficulty
3. the government is known to care more about its buildings than its people
#666 A Microchip on Your Shoulder
3. truancy levels are on the rise ever since school registers were banned
#675 Trick or Treaty
2. the industries of @@NAME@@ are coughing all the way to the bank
#681 @@NAME@@'s New Year's Resolution: Lose Fewer Limbs
3. a firework a day does not in fact keep the doctor away
#685 Externalities Palmed Off
1. foreign policy is mostly just to smile and hope for the best
#686 Freemium Isn't Free
2. children often explain to their parents that the Mega Ultimate Sword Fist was worth the thousand-@@CURRENCY@@ charge on their phone bill
#688 You Don't Have to Be Mad to Kill People... But It Helps
1. prisons are filled with the cackles and sobs of a deranged inmate population
#693 Bottled Up Problems
3. straight-edges are forced to collect rain water to avoid getting high off the water supply
#699 Pipe Down, Already!
2. children keel over while singing "@@LEADER@@ Gives Us the Water of Life"
3. children keel over while singing "@@LEADER@@ Gives Us the Water of Life"
4. safe drinking water is considered a luxury
5. poverty is disloyal to the Motherland
6. the nation's water should not be ingested while operating heavy machinery
#705 The Germ of an Idea
2. fast-food chefs regularly win Health Innovation Awards for spitting on burgers
#713 Life in the Bike Lane
2. the local custom of Biking With The Cars sends tourists home bemused or in body-bags
3. it is common to still see adults with training wheels on their bikes
#714 Milky Ways
1. increasing numbers of children in @@NAME@@ have different eye and hair color to their supposed fathers
#720 Cui Bono?
1. homeless people dying of starvation are thought to be a necessary cost of preventing terrorism
#725 Sky's the Limit?
2. the derisively named "Morlocks of Moria" futilely demand time in the sun
#727 Market Crash
3. solid steel breastplates are in fashion amongst city drivers
5. the sidewalk is used as an overtaking lane by city drivers
#728 A Bone to Pick
5. ritual mummification is making a comeback
#729 Teenage Kicks
2. bruised children are made to thank their bullies for the valuable life lessons
#739 In Loco Parentis
1. it's considered a civil right to be allowed to neglect and mistreat your own children
#749 Not Mushroom for Error
5. the number of deaths due to poor fungus identification is mushrooming
#752 The Immortal Cells of Mrs. Gratwick
1. the dartboard at the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Cancer Research Charity bears a picture of @@LEADER@@'s face
#753 I've Got My Ion You
2. owners of man-portable particle accelerator backpacks are advised not to cross the streams
#758 Bye Bye to the Birdies?
2. the weather in @@CAPITAL@@ is always 'pigeons with a chance of droppings'
#768 Trouble Brewing
3. machine-peeled candied grapes come in individual packaging for the busy commuter
#770 Vaping Up a Storm
1. sniffer dogs are trained to follow clouds of fruity-smelling vapor
#772 Do You Have Artistic License?
1. dentists routinely perform open heart surgery
#781 The White Man's Burden
3. people spend a lot on hair and nails
4. people spend a lot on hair and nails
#782 Sit-Down Money
2. teddy bears and pajamas have replaced briefcases and suits in @@NAME@@'s offices
4. doctors are trying to diagnose diseases by looking at their patients' Snipchat pictures
#783 Sergeant McCool Reporting for Duty
1. weighted heels are added to military boots to ensure diminutive celebrities meet minimum requirements
#786 Tainted Tattoos
2. getting an infected tattoo is considered a rite of passage in @@NAME@@
#787 Come Fly With Me?
2. when you fly on Air @@NAME@@ you win a seat or you die
#810 Armed and Unready
2. the nation is famous for bravely sending wave after wave of its soldiers until the enemy runs out of bullets
4. wheelchair-enabled paratroopers need access ramps to get onto planes but not off them
#811 Get Baked
2. dessert dishes make up the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ breakfast menu
4. it is illegal for a parent to tell a child to stop eating their boogers
#816 A Hot Topic
1. where there's smoke there's the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Forestry Department
#817 Back-Alley Blues
1. official medical guidelines insist that childbirth is 'almost totally painless'
#818 We Are Not Amused
3. the skeletons of lost tourists litter the ground of the Great @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Desert
#822 Never Work With Children
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ actors literally work from cradle to grave
#823 Where the Sun Don't Shine
1. shivering secretaries type letters under torrential downpours in open-roof offices
2. citizens sport solarium-kissed tans that are perfectly even except for the occasional melanoma
4. women find themselves saying "my eyes are up here" more often than they used to
#825 Bugging Out on Beef
4. diners regard burgers made from mechanically reclaimed cow protein as "proper meat"
#826 Licensing Driving @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Crazy
4. hit and run driving is no longer a crime - it's the national sport
#827 Making Money Hand Over Fist
4. sports journals are full of uplifting puff-pieces on professional boxers
#829 Winning at Battleship
1. ships are encouraged to deliberately run aground onto @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ beaches
#834 Government and CO
3. in government offices a hidden killer takes the lives of ministers and civil servants
#841 Burn Noticed
1. the Man in the Plastic Mask has been imprisoned in the Capital Penitentiary
#843 Quacking Up
2. new treatments are rejected if they cannot be explained using only one-syllable words
#844 Essentially on Strike
3. worried-looking neonatal nurses are being deployed in place of SWAT teams during dangerous drug busts
#847 All the Lonely People
2. retirement apartments house giggling grannies who delightedly watch blank TVs all day long
#855 Thin Evidence
2. it is customary to begin the summer with a fasting ritual in which people eat nothing but kumquat smoothies
#861 Out With the Old
2. tourists visiting the nation are warned not to drink local tap water
#866 O Medication, Where Art Thou?
3. every fourth child is born with flippers instead of hands
5. rubbing salt into wounds is seen as a good thing if it is 100% organic garlic-and-thyme salt
#870 @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Literally Exploding With Excitement
3. the government is encouraging violence on television
#878 DoublePlusUnGood
2. citizens know not to ask what their country can do for them but what they can do as chained slaves for their country
#882 Death by Chocolate
2. the regional delicacy of chocolate bombes is deadlier than an unexploded bomb
#883 Who Let the Dinos Out?
2. the restriction that you must be over 1.1 metres tall to ride a carnotaurus has recently been waived
#885 Has Beans
2. politicians are often seen drinking soft drinks at the end of every public address
#886 Bounty on the Table
2. bounty hunters have been dispatched to hunt down rogue bounty hunters
#887 Thin Skin
1. nature magazines featuring stick insects on their covers are sometimes mistaken for fashion magazines
#893 Bread is the Stuff of Strife
3. mouldy bread is served as an appetizer in many restaurants
#896 It's Our Lot in Life
5. competing private ambulances racing to be the first to traffic accidents are a major cause of road accidents
#898 Two's Company, Three's a Crowd, Four's an Uprising
3. slavers view "what did your last slave die of" as a request for a demonstration
#902 Killer App
2. ironic death by tasering is on the rise amongst door-to-door taser salesmen
3. catching an old friend by surprise on the street can be a shocking experience
#907 A Problem Shared
5. cars are allowed to drive in bike lanes
#910 A for Effort
4. frat-house partying has become the national pastime
#916 Swing and a Miss
3. athletes and street criminals compete for solid steel baseball bats
#922 I'll Have What She's Having
1. the fattest folk in @@NAME@@ look to be the happiest ones
#925 Ring of Death
1. a murderous reputation can revitalise a flagging celebrity career
#929 Champagne in the Glass
2. foreign spirits are hard to find due to an abundance of "Cletus and Jim Bob's Homemade @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Moonshine"
4. alcoholism is the newest import from Dàguó
#933 A Gun in Every Hand and a Tank in Every Garage?
1. no suburban lawn is complete without barbed wire and landmines
#935 Hero to Zero
4. psychiatrists that date patients are congratulated on their romantic conquests
#939 A Question of Bad Faith
1. burnt-out forty-foot-tall wicker men dot the countryside
#940 The Court of the Crimson Lord
2. screams of citizens being "re-educated" echo throughout the rural regions of @@NAME@@
#944 Deadly Persuasion
4. children who write letters to Santa Claus end up in straitjackets
#945 Police on the Take
1. the police motto is "to protect and not to serve"
#946 Better In Than Out
1. wrongful arrests abound as 'criminals' blame the guy next to them
#947 Imitation Station
1. drivers regularly pull over for nonexistent police cars
#950 Borderline Pandemic
2. both vegetables and viruses are often smuggled across the border
#954 Varsity Blues
2. students at universities think exercise bikes are pieces of abstract art
3. out-of-work basketball players loom over the unemployment line
#955 Can It!
4. there's a bustling black market for vegetables
5. there's a bustling black market for vegetables
#956 The Bottom of the Gun Barrel
3. veterans in wheelchairs are left waist-deep in rice paddies to gather grain
#962 A Matter of Loaf and Death
4. people experiencing anaphylactic shock are told to buck their ideas up
#964 An Expensive Watch
4. army regiments supporting different football teams are a frequent cause of friendly fire incidents
#967 Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics
3. people think garlic bread counts as one of their "five a day"
#970 For Want of a Nail
7. it's a miracle that there aren't more plane crashes
#974 Siren Song
3. weather reports simply advise @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ to 'look outside'
#983 Doctors' Orders
1. pregnant hitchhikers with signs requesting rides to "competent care" are a common sight on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ roads
#993 Drug Deal
1. drugs containing the compound "oleum de serpens" are being sold to cancer patients
3. life is short but human kindness is endless
#1003 That Smarts
1. too many hyper-intelligent chefs can spoil the allegorical broth
#1008 Wash Your Mouth Out!
4. women mime their gynaecological symptoms with hand-puppets
#1009 A Woman's Roll
4. glassy-eyed @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ wives lifelessly chant "I love you" on command
#1016 Breaking Upset
4. Brown Sugar 101 is a popular course at community colleges
#1017 A Cure for the Black Market
3. epileptic patients switch their medications to whichever has a 'buy one get one free' offer
4. diabetics find the contents of their medications hard to stomach
#1022 Failure to Respond
4. there's no cure or sympathy for the common cold
5. the "good old days" of road traffic accidents and smog-filled cities are back
#1028 Can't Get Enough of You Baby
2. parents tell their children 'what a lovely mistake you turned out to be'
#1030 Looking Down in the Dumps
2. millions of simultaneously backfiring toilets have flooded @@CAPITAL@@ with effluent
3. it's best not to ask what goes into @@CAPITAL@@ Fried Chicken's secret blend of herbs and spices
4. it's best not to ask what goes into @@CAPITAL@@ Crispy Fried Tofu's secret blend of herbs and spices
#1038 Maid to Order
3. slaving over a hot stove to cook the family dinner isn't metaphorical in @@NAME@@
#1040 A Recipe for Success?
2. the secret ingredient is love (and MSG)
#1047 Rivers of Blood
3. the rainbow assortment of chemicals in the water has turned the frogs gay
#1050 Criminal Guns Soon to Be Shooting Blanks
3. jaywalking will put an end to a family tree
#1076 Smokers Cornered
2. cigarettes are dead-cheap
#1097 What Do We Do With a Drunken Sailor?
4. parties on cruise ships go off with a real bang
#1102 The Sickest Criminals
2. the only way to escape lengthy prison terms is in a body bag
#1106 Some Body to Love
1. customer satisfaction with online delivery services is at an all time high
3. anyone can get ahead in life if they want to
#1108 A Whiskey Rebellion Brewing
3. many whiskies taste suspiciously like automobile radiators
4. many whiskies taste suspiciously like automobile radiators
5. classes are regularly interrupted by drunken children
#1109 Of Mice and Meth
4. people forget to eat because they are too busy singing @@LEADER@@'s praises
#1118 We Can't Cross That Bridge When We Come to It
3. apprentice builders get teased for wearing hard hats
#1119 Where There Isn't Smoke
1. peer pressure from cooler world leaders directs @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government policy
2. @@LEADER@@ lights cigars with a hundred-@@CURRENCY@@ bill
3. there's a lot of smoke from the nation's "green economy"
4. slackers at work are told to "crack on with it"
#1125 Blowing Smoke
1. the urinary fragrance of seedier establishments is thankfully hidden by the smell of stale smoke
3. public parks are littered with cigarette butts
#1127 The Fast and the Fossilized
2. grannies get pulled over for knitting pullovers while driving
#1129 Behind the Red Curtain
2. end-of-year production reports state that the revolution is really going with a bang
#1131 Safe Sects
3. religious epiphanies are often cited as a reason for high school drop-outs
#1138 Shock Tactics
3. chest pains are considered part of the dining experience in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ restaurants
#1140 Blinded by the Light
2. @@CAPITAL@@'s flashy holiday light displays can be seen from space
#1142 Womb Service
3. new "Commiserations! It's An Accident!" greetings cards for expectant mothers are selling surprisingly quickly
4. bustling back-alley clinics treat everything from sports injuries to angina
#1148 Unfit for Purpose
4. paraplegics are told to walk it off
#1151 Gotta Go Fast
4. supermodels maintain their skinny form by running away from government officials
#1156 Pet Theory
3. burgers often list "miscellaneous meats" in their ingredients
#1164 What a Gneiss Place We've Got Here
1. trails to natural wonders are littered with trash from reality film crews
#1170 To Catch a Beef
4. deli patrons examine their roast beef for undetonated explosives
#1173 Thinking a Little Too Hard?
2. the @@CAPITAL@@ XV Regiment (aka "The Goat Starers") have yet to win a battle
#1178 No Need to Beat Yourself Up About It
4. kids feel more beat up than ever after a hard day at school
5. kids feel more beat up than ever after a hard day at school
#1189 Driven to Distraction
4. most people learn to drive on crash courses
#1193 Relocating the Living Room
4. tours to see the 'wild men of the mountains' are popular with tourists from the big cities
#1195 All Hands on Tap!
2. foreign leaders never seem to want to shake hands with @@LEADER@@
#1198 The Death Debate Isn't Dead Yet
2. there's never a spare chair in the retirement home
#1202 A Timely Intervention
1. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ watches list strained wrists as a common side effect
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ watches list strained wrists as a common side effect
#1206 Gross Domestic Product
4. cholera is seen as the holiest of diseases
#1210 Big Tobacco in Big Trouble
2. the smell of tobacco is often smelt around legislative buildings across the nation
#1213 The War of Man and Beast
4. the nation's iron imports are booming
#1219 Vat Is a Serious Problem
5. the government prevents violence by committing genocide
#1228 The Road to Hell
3. only the fast and the furious are brave enough to drive
#1229 Crystal Clear Sinuses
3. decongestants have replaced @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ in street transactions
4. there's some really clean windows in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ houses
#1235 Good Guy With a Gun
1. financial investors are noting a boom in artillery
#1242 Jump Leads
4. it's often raining men (hallelujah) in @@CAPITAL@@
#1248 A Day to Remember
2. social care for the elderly consists of a self help leaflet and a kick on the backside
#1250 @@NAME@@'s Next Top Mohel
2. ceremonial zweihänders are used in holy rituals
#1252 Ale to the Chief
1. everyone wants to be on the guest list for diplomatic parties
3. more and more people are signing up for the government party
4. more and more people are signing up for the government party
5. no one is worried about government policies any more
#1262 Dead Tasty
3. there's a mortuary next to every @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ restaurant
#1270 I'll Be Watching You
3. baseball caps are the new fashion trend
4. baseball caps are the new fashion trend
#1274 No Room Left for Asylum Seekers
2. blessed are the meek for they have been beaten into submission
#1277 Outside the Box
1. beating enemies to death with a baseball bat is legal if done within nine innings
#1280 The Amazing, but Illegal, Spiderman
4. you can call your arthritic immigrant neighbour for all your roof-tiling and guttering needs
#1282 Resting in Peace
4. vehicle strikes into low bridges are on the increase
#1285 Born to Kill
2. super-powered zombies parade through the streets of @@CAPITAL@@
#1286 Burning Over a New Leaf
2. it's a marvellous night for a moon dance as the sparks on your home start to rise
#1289 Cramping Our Style
3. the standard prescription for infertility-causing conditions is "go have a baby"
4. doctors with dyed hair inform patients via video-link that they must not go against nature
#1290 Why Didn't the @@ANIMAL@@ Cross the Road?
2. coat closets are being re-branded as bedrooms
#1293 Bet Your Life
1. you can bet your bottom dollar that gambling will cost you an arm and a leg
3. grinning punters say that casino roulette is the greatest high that life has to offer
#1296 Once Upon a Time
1. the only Maxxmas gift frontline troops receive from officers is a bullet with the enemy's name on it
#1303 Amateur Hour
3. pros are the new cons
4. frisbee games on college quadrangles are grounds for expulsion
#1310 Intimate Relations
7. excited Romeos drive all the way to the next village for a date
#1311 An Acquired Taste
2. people who have never eaten chicken are told it tastes a bit like crocodile
3. the military is plagued with unethical researchers
#1318 Blitzed
1. the nation's soldiers often believe they're in the Air Force
2. battlefield gains are quickly lost when enemies don't respect a time-out
7. skyscrapers get built in just days
#1319 Dying for Two
2. birth announcements often also serve as death announcements
3. pre-eclampsia in pregnancy is treated with encouragement to take "long soothing walks"
#1320 A Case of Poor Turnaround
2. savvy nightclub-goers know that structurally unsound venues sell the cheapest drinks
3. burnout is common with anti-government demagogues
#1322 Introducing Altengarten?
3. signs stating "You Must be This Tall to Enter" have started appearing outside retirement homes
#1328 Not-So-Friendly Fire
1. pallbearers at military funerals dive for cover when they hear the three-volley salute
4. children happily laugh and play on their way to school during air-raids
#1329 A Little Bit Short
1. several inches are being added to first class seating
5. people are always able to look each other in the eye
#1340 Unnatural Conception
3. the word "mother" is the favourite punchline of ribald comics
6. therapists advise women who are constantly stressed and tired to have another baby
#1341 Caught Off Guard
2. the monarch frequently needs protecting from misfiring protection
#1344 Ups and Downs
2. little kids often wonder why strange grown-ups are following them around the soft play areas
#1345 To Each According to Whatever's Left
2. produce labels read 'may contain traces of food'
3. glossy adverts featuring baby's first puff adorn mothers' magazines
4. adverts urge @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ to "reach for a ciggy instead of your supper"
#1346 The Problem With Peyote
2. party-lovers often change religions just for the weekend
#1357 Scattered Showers
3. space has been brought down to earth with constellations of cancer cases across @@NAME@@
#1367 Sweet, Sweet Marketing
2. teddy bear James Dean (aka "the Rebel Without the Claws") helps convince kids that candy cigarettes are cool
3. the full weight of the law is being applied against hate speech
#1370 All Systems Post-Nominal
1. a PhD just ain't what it used to be
#1374 Protect and Swerve
2. both criminals and civilians are DOA
#1407 New Tricks
3. a child's only Trickster Night scare is the sight of their parents dancing
#1418 The High Life
3. stray dogs and children root through the trash for snacks
#1420 Trading Climate Sours
2. the nation's new flagship trading company deals exclusively in things no one wants
#1421 Have Your Cake and Don't Eat It
3. relatives of recent award winners find their trophies make stylish urns
#1434 Blood on Your Nuts
3. slavers are real nutters
#1436 Meat Meet
3. the legalization of meat has skewered the sales of vegetarian substitutes
#1466 Don't Shoot Your Eye Out
4. gun shops sell hook hands and eye patches
#1469 News Flash!
3. political shows are fit for purpose
#1472 Home Is Where the Lung Is
5. jumping in puddles after rainstorms has become an indoor activity
#1483 The Unkindest Cut
1. the government regrets to say that it is forced to make cuts to citizens
2. the government regrets to say that it is forced to make cuts to citizens
#1484 Joint Trade Agreement
3. the nation is going green
#1499 Chasing the Pixelated Dragon
1. intoxicated AI mobile platforms are sometimes seen crashing through windows instead of being crashed by them
#1510 Devolution Devolves Into Disaster?
4. meteorologists warn of fog just past 4pm daily
#1516 Content Discontent
3. belief that @@LEADER@@ is a lizard-person from outer space has reached an all-time high
#1525 @@LEADER@@: The Musical!
1. citizens can freely debate whether @@LEADER@@ is a great leader or the greatest leader

Removed by:

Sometimes removed by:

#2 Reclaim the Streets!
1. cars are banned
#7 Animal Liberation Front Strikes Again
3. vegetarianism is compulsory
#20 Gunman Kills Three
1. kids are arrested at gunpoint for playing with toy rifles
2. the nation is completely gun-free
3. preschoolers practice disarming active shooters before naptime
#25 Cloning Research Promises New Breakthrough
1. scientists regularly clone human beings for research purposes
#26 Compulsory Organ Harvesting Proposed
1. organ donation is compulsory
#27 Cash for Colons?
1. college students make ends meet by selling their kidneys
#28 Cancer Sufferer Demands Euthanasia Bill
2. euthanasia is illegal
3. euthanasia is illegal
#34 Don't Puff on Me, Say Non-Smokers
1. smoking is banned in public areas
2. an underground movement of cigarette smokers has sprung up in response to a government ban
#48 Give Us Healthcare or Give Us Death!
1. the government is spending millions to provide full health care for all citizens
4. the government is spending millions to provide full health care for all citizens
#59 Drunk Driving on the Rise
1. drunk drivers are sent to rehabilitation paid for by the government
3. all alcohol is banned
#62 Oh, the Angst!
1. citizens are encouraged to report friends, family members or co-workers who seem depressed to the government for "counselling"
#66 Transgender Recognition Demanded
1. sex changes are routinely performed at @@NAME@@'s hospitals
#68 Ornery Overcrowding Problem
3. the number of children one can have is restricted by law
#72 Widening Buttocks Cause Movie Theater Havoc
1. citizens rise at daybreak every day for mandatory exercise
2. college students sell their most valuable possessions just to afford pizza
3. college students sell their most valuable possessions just to afford pizza
#74 @@NAME@@'s Racers Growing Fast and Furious
2. police spend their Saturday nights breaking up illegal street races
#88 Cannibals Demand to Taste What @@NAME@@ Has to Offer
3. there has been a series of riots between local cannibals and health food advocates
#102 For Whom the Road Tolls
3. cars have been banned
#104 Public Loudspeakers Shrill With Controversy
1. public loudspeakers constantly tell citizens they are "happy people"
#105 Compensation Culture Must End, Say Corporations
2. every product goes through extensive safety-testing by the government
3. manufacturers are sued for almost anything not covered in their catalogue-sized manuals
#106 Give the Red Light District the Green Light?
2. an enormous health awareness programme is underway
#107 Private Lab Holds @@NAME@@'s Sick to Ransom
1. only the rich can afford the latest medical innovations
2. private pharmacies close down as medicinal drugs are given away freely by the government
#109 Karate Kids Cause Controversy
1. the government helps teach children how to kill a man from six paces
4. the state believes that nature-oriented summer camps will somehow solve youth crime
#116 Soda Sales Hits New 'High'
2. drug distribution is tightly controlled by the government
#117 Stop the Suits, Say Surgeons
2. medical lawsuits are out of control
4. the study of medicine is popular throughout @@NAME@@
#123 Now, Vat's Food for Thought
2. replacement organs are grown in vats
6. citizens are grown in vats
#127 Aging Concerns in @@NAME@@
2. elderly citizens regularly buy posh multimillion-@@CURRENCY@@ mansions
#129 Tribal Troubles
2. the tribal zone has been opened to up to 'economic interest' groups
3. the tribal zone has been opened to up to 'economic interest' groups
#133 When @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ Attack!
1. misbehaving @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ deemed dangerous to the public are shot and hanged by the town hall as a warning to others
2. the government funds large training centres to turn @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ into functioning members of society
4. @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ are frequently shot for looking at people 'in a funny way'
#135 A Taxing Dilemma
2. the sound of wooden legs echo throughout @@NAME@@ after the recent introduction of the Foot Tax
#136 Much Ado About Abortion
1. abortions are routinely performed in @@NAME@@'s hospitals
#139 Drug Debate Hits the Streets
2. the police have reaffirmed their tough stance on drugs
#142 Roads Like Roller Coasters, Complain Motorists
1. roads are often attended by round-the-clock construction crews
#154 Ban the 'Boards, Say Pedestrians
1. skateboarding is punishable by heavy fines
#158 Regarding Robbers' Rights
3. trespassers often find themselves impaled by crossbow bolts
#160 Truancy on the Rise
2. children deemed 'disorderly' or otherwise unfit for public schools are shipped off to military academies
#167 Fluoride Controversy a Toothy Problem
1. the people are famous throughout the region for their perfect yellow teeth
2. the public health bureaucracy is wrapped in miles of red tape
3. the public health bureaucracy is wrapped in miles of red tape
#168 @@NAME@@ Plagued by STD Epidemic!
1. the government has undertaken a massive health education program to combat VODAIS
3. otherwise healthy people are being sent to internment camps because they have VODAIS
#174 Maternity Leave a Must, Say Mothers
2. all mothers are allowed six months fully-paid maternity leave
3. untold millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are going into a new government-funded maternity leave scheme
4. untold millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are going into a new government-funded maternity leave scheme
#179 Mad @@ANIMAL@@ Disease Outbreak!
4. farmers can be spotted driving gold-plated tractors
#186 Carjacking Concerns
4. urban citizens are forced onto public transport while rural citizens ride horses and buggies
#188 Video Games Too Violent, Say Parents
4. students everywhere have been despairing after the recent ban on video games
#191 Blood Banks Running Dry
1. citizens are forced to donate blood once every three months
3. the poor are often seen pale and dizzy after selling their blood to make ends meet
4. jails have become colloquially known as 'vampire houses'
#195 Right of Way or Wrong of Way?
1. public footpaths are being slowly eroded by the burgeoning number of ramblers
3. all footpaths have tollbooths
#197 Breastfeeding in Public: Innocent or Indecent?
1. female newsreaders distract the nation by breastfeeding during broadcast
#198 Not All Those Who Wander Are Paying
3. the government has instituted 'traveller reservations' across the country
#200 Birds, Bees, and Breeding Teens
1. teenagers are told they're not thinking about sex enough
2. teenagers are told they're not thinking about sex enough
3. boys are forced to pair off for the school disco slow dance as the girls are all staying at home
4. boys are forced to pair off for the school disco slow dance as the girls are all staying at home
#204 Lack of Doctors Needs Cure
2. half of @@NAME@@'s doctors can't speak the language
3. half of @@NAME@@'s doctors can't speak the language
#205 No More Broccoli, Beg Meat-Eaters
2. illegal hunting is rife after veganism was recently made compulsory
#208 Mine Collapse Rocks @@NAME@@
1. mining safety laws are often more expensive than what's being mined
#217 Healthcare Services Underfunded, Claim Patients
2. hospitals are amongst the best-funded in the region
#227 Underage Drinkers: Social Menace or Misunderstood?
7. ravers are having trouble getting used to blackcurrant squash instead of vodka
#231 Jungle Fever
3. swamplands and bogs have been put under quarantine
#246 @@NAME@@ to Hold the Olympic Torch?
1. @@NAME@@ successfully hosted the @@REGION@@ Olympics
3. the importance of winning Olympic gold medals is indoctrinated from an early age
#247 Where There's Smoke
2. the fire protection service is wholly government-funded
3. most citizens in @@NAME@@ are abject pyrophobes after extremely graphic pamphlets were mailed nationwide by the government
#251 The Trouble With Hobos
1. the recently unemployed can often be seen at the local homeless shelter
2. citizens applying for their first jobs face fierce competition from the homeless
#254 Freedom Comes at a Price
2. employers are gradually adapting to the alien premise of paying wages to their workers
#255 Welfare Programs Not Faring Well
1. suit-clad businessmen have been taking advantage of the relaxed welfare qualifications by shopping with food stamps
#274 Brotherly Love - a Bit Too Close to Home?
2. family bonding sessions are considered immoral and are banned
5. people choose marriage partners by buying a lottery ticket
7. love is given from each according to their ability but marriage is assigned to each according to their needs
#280 Oh the Humanity!
1. the airship business has been driven out of the country by strict regulations and high fines
3. the new hit series "@@NAME@@'s Got Trauma" has corporate executives fleeing the country
#284 Drug Legality Run Amok
1. the government has begun selling heroin and ecstasy to help fund its projects
4. politicians debate whether caffeine is too addictive for the public
#288 Super-Sized Pizzas Recipe for Disaster?
1. police conduct weekly raids looking for contraband cheeseburgers
2. overweight people receive reparations checks from fast-food chains
#290 Wheels of Misfortune
1. new safety regulations require all cars manufactured in @@NAME@@ to be bombproof
3. the nationalized auto industry is adept at making durable little cars nobody wants to drive
#291 A Question of Sport
1. glittering new sports stadiums adorn every city and town
#302 Delivering Mayhem in Thirty Minutes or Less!
1. many feel that the government's ban on cars to combat reckless driving was "a tad excessive"
#311 Victims Demand Their Pound of Flesh
2. prosecutors routinely call transplant doctors as 'expert witnesses' in burglary cases
#330 Supermarkets Gobbling Up All the Customers?
3. the government provides its citizenry with the same mass produced rations
#337 Doctors Crossing Borders?
1. the government is outsourcing itself
#338 The Silence and the Fury
1. noises louder than a whisper have been prohibited by law
#350 Queasy Cuisine
4. citizens are emigrating to escape the bland cuisine
#356 @@NAME@@ in the Time of Cholera
2. the nation is loathed abroad for dumping all of its waste in international waters
#358 Not Another Teen Pregnancy
6. getting an abortion takes less hassle than writing a letter
#364 It's UterUs, Not UterYou!
1. birth rates have hit an all-time low
#367 What's Their Beef?
1. fresh food is a thing of the past due to onerous testing standards
2. the criminal underworld is awash with sausage smuggling
3. unemployed butchers line the streets
#374 Lion Dad Sparks Child-Rearing Sentiment
1. helicopter parenting is on the rise
#394 Ten Days in a Mad House
1. any citizen who cries is immediately assigned a psychiatrist
#409 Water Palaver
1. the nation thirsts for new freedoms
4. the national water supply has entered detox
#413 A Shot in the Arm
2. vaccinations are mandatory
3. parents who refuse to vaccinate their children are given a short jail sentence
#442 You Can't Always Get What You Squat
2. business owners return from long vacations to find their factories have been turned into homeless shelters
#446 In the Land of Milk and Money?
1. late night adverts for breast milk co-ops regularly win pornography industry awards
2. breast milk is being redistributed from each according to their ability to each according to their need
#448 It Takes a Village
1. the government frequently panders to parents with boutique tax credits
2. parents who fail mandatory parenting classes risk having their children taken away
3. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Babysitters Club has proven to be a huge relief to stressed-out parents across the nation
#456 Heads Will Roll
1. biker gangs and fashionistas are converting to Violetism en masse
4. motorcycle riders are required to wear so much gear they've been nicknamed "Stay Pufts"
#477 Feeding Frenzy
1. school children across the country are staging hunger strikes to protest government-mandated salads
2. children use fake IDs to purchase candy
3. meals are now followed by thirty minutes of mandatory exercise
#483 Do You Want Fries With That?
4. pizza parlors have been replaced by lima bean cafes
#488 Bright Orange Is the New Black
1. gun regulations are so strict even staple guns and hot glue guns are illegal
2. gun regulations are so strict even staple guns and hot glue guns are illegal
#493 Suspicious Superhuman Athletes?
1. invasive drug testing is now performed at elementary school sports days
#496 Rock 'n' Roll Suicide
1. every workday begins with group therapy
#499 The Genetics of Aesthetics
1. relationships often break down when doctors tell couples they are genetically incompatible
2. the newest generation of @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are nearly clone-like in appearance
#509 It Was Asbestos Times, It Was the Worst of Times
1. citizens are abandoning their homes en masse in a widespread panic over asbestos
2. new cases of Asbestosis are cropping up as quickly as hospitals can deal with them
#512 Furnished for Failure
3. the nation's reinforced coffee tables are constructed to survive an atomic blast
#522 Time to Get Serious
1. business meetings across the country are interrupted by the sound of squeaking whoopee-cushions
5. students memorise knock-knock jokes for their mandatory twice-a-term Comedy Examinations
#530 Regenerative Permaculture Emergence
4. carrots are orange, apples are red and food waste is increasing
#539 All My Bits Are Belong to You
4. the nation has reverted back to an agrarian society after anything more advanced than the wheel was banned
#546 Dumpster Divers Dividing Denizens
2. giant no-kill traps baited with Bapst Red Ribbon and vintage bicycles have been popping up in back alleys nationwide
#549 Feasting or Fasting?
1. hundreds of teenagers die every year at the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Hungry Games
2. teens reminisce about when birthdays weren't celebrated with a cool glass of cabbage juice and a slice of corn-cream topped millet cake
3. applications to enter seminaries spike right before the obligatory fasts
#558 Turning a Blind Eye?
2. blind dates tend to result in bruised shins
#561 Plug in and Play
3. the nation's exceedingly polite children have often been referred to as "robots" by international media
#563 Resistance Is Fertile
1. meat prices are soaring as the farming industry struggle under government-imposed restrictions
3. chickens frolic freely on swings and roundabouts in @@CAPITAL@@'s playgrounds
#564 Do Good Intentions Make Good Samaritans?
3. bands of paramedics walk the streets looking for suspicious medical activity
#569 Grand Prix de @@NAME@@?
6. @@LEADER@@ is adamant that ponies aren't just for little girls
#581 Fair to Say...?
4. the Museum of Soybeans is the cultural heart of the nation
#585 Are You Not Entertained?
1. swings are banned for being a danger to children
2. children need to wear helmets and safety harnesses before mounting a carousel horse
#588 Last Call for Alcohol?
1. former bars are desperately trying to re-brand themselves as cafés
2. moonshine has made a resurgence
#597 You Can't Handle the Tooth
1. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ incessantly needle their doctors for relief
#602 Hobby Lobby
1. @@LEADER@@ can often be seen hanging around playgrounds chatting with the kids
#604 Food Behind Bars
2. prisoners have been known to host cooking and home décor television shows
3. prisoners regularly escape detention posing as scarecrows
#608 Thrown Into Sharp Relief
1. doctors prescribe medicines but they rarely dispense hope or compassion
#635 Hey Kid, Have a Cigar
1. 50% of adverts on children's television are for clothes made of cotton wool
#641 Dirty Little Minds
1. corporate lawyers are switching careers to the more lucrative field of green politics
#642 This Way's Kinder
1. squeaky high prepubescent voices recite the patriotic poem "Hail to The Leader!" before each meal
#651 Black Days for @@NAME@@
3. bouncers at the door of the sweet shop warn five-year-olds not to cause trouble
#652 Mayday! Mayday!
2. aspiring pilots must be personally vetted by the Minister of Transportation before receiving their license
#658 A Sickening Dilemma
1. the sick and dying are locked in their homes with a red "X" painted on the front door
2. sneezing in public is a capital offense
#659 Ramping Up the Difficulty
1. excessive wheelchair ramps on government buildings have been compared to theme park attractions
#666 A Microchip on Your Shoulder
1. the masses are surrendering their civil liberties without complaint for the sake of shopping convenience
#672 All Shook Up
3. coastal cities are being moved a dozen miles inland to reduce flooding risk
#675 Trick or Treaty
1. citizens cannot change their light bulbs without approval from an international committee
3. carbon-footprint restrictions are making businesses walk
#676 Down the Rabbit Hole
1. wigged-out hunters report playing croquet with the Queen of Hearts
#681 @@NAME@@'s New Year's Resolution: Lose Fewer Limbs
1. banning party poppers has been a real party pooper
2. parties that are too noisy are broken up to prevent disturbing wildlife
#684 Murder Most Deniable?
5. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ struggle to cut tofu steak with a spoon
#685 Externalities Palmed Off
2. both diets and economic output are growing leaner with recent restrictions to free trade
#686 Freemium Isn't Free
1. the "daily grind" consists of levelling up in tedious video games
3. the Twelve Steps To Logging Off is the most popular mobile download
#687 Marriage by Proxy Server
4. no one can find a leaky faucet in @@NAME@@ anymore
#688 You Don't Have to Be Mad to Kill People... But It Helps
2. white strait-jackets are the new orange jumpsuits
3. libraries have replaced overdue book fines with mandatory mental health assessments
#689 A Sticky Situation
1. it's rare to find an unchewed pencil
4. Eau de Trashcan has become a wildly popular perfume
#693 Bottled Up Problems
1. a new guerrilla marketing campaign for tap water involves government agents spraying random citizens with hose water
4. health inspectors are seen eating black truffle fondue with their bottled water
#699 Pipe Down, Already!
1. families waiting for delayed pipe installations hope daily for rain
#705 The Germ of an Idea
1. it is illegal to distribute Girl Guide Cookies without an advanced food hygiene diploma
3. sushi is sold on the black market
#707 The Eye of the Tiger
1. citizens buy season tickets on a 20-year payment plan
5. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are unrivalled in obstacle courses
#708 How @@LEADER@@ Learned to Start Worrying and Fear Bio-Weapons
4. the military maintains a fierce arsenal of 'Cure Missiles'
#713 Life in the Bike Lane
1. bike rage is all the rage
4. the nation's infamous rickshaw ambulances often double as hearses
#716 Cheek to Cheek
5. in a desperate bid for cheap airfare @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ can be seen jogging in a rubber suit just before flying
#727 Market Crash
1. broken suspension systems are giving auto repair shops plenty of business
2. historic buildings are being demolished to allow for road-widening in the city centre
#728 A Bone to Pick
2. ice-filled coffins are ominously positioned in the corner of every hospital ward
#729 Teenage Kicks
3. the nation's weary schoolchildren excel at sport but must count scores on their fingers
4. the nation's weary schoolchildren excel at sport but must count scores on their fingers
#732 A Peeping Problem
3. workers tend to schedule naps during all-hands meetings
#738 Cruel or Unusual?
3. snooze factory is now prison lingo for rehabilitation center
#739 In Loco Parentis
2. there's a literal nanny state for the legions of children taken by social services
3. fifteen-year-olds cannot walk younger siblings to school without a professional Childcare and Education Certificate
#748 [The Enemy Within] In Spite of All the Danger
2. the new universal healthcare system has been dubbed @@LEADER@@-care by its detractors
#749 Not Mushroom for Error
1. park rangers perform full-body searches on suspected fungus smugglers
#752 The Immortal Cells of Mrs. Gratwick
2. any body part that can be cut off a person is no longer considered to be their property
#758 Bye Bye to the Birdies?
1. it is illegal to brush crumbs off your clothing outdoors
#763 Any Body for Science?
1. sneezing pedestrians are grabbed by alley-lurking doctors
#770 Vaping Up a Storm
2. kids' party bags often contain candy and e-cigarettes
3. there is a heavy social stigma attached to e-cigarettes
#772 Do You Have Artistic License?
2. ten-year-olds are applying for lemonade stand operator licences
#786 Tainted Tattoos
1. sales of disinfectant wipes have skyrocketed
#811 Get Baked
1. cotton candy made from genuine cotton cellulose doesn't quite satisfy
3. grandparents tell young ones tales of the good old days when people had cake on their birthday
#816 A Hot Topic
2. the Forestry Department has decided you really can't fight fire with fire
3. government employees from @@NAME@@ dominate international lumberjack competitions
4. government employees from @@NAME@@ dominate international lumberjack competitions
#821 A Switch in Time Kills Nine
1. there's a bright dawn ahead for @@NAME@@
#822 Never Work With Children
1. diaper ads feature vertically-challenged adults wearing bootees
3. teenage TV characters are played by thirty-year-olds by the end of the second season
#823 Where the Sun Don't Shine
3. doughnut-makers claim their products are healthy because they are fortified with vitamins
#825 Bugging Out on Beef
1. urban entrepreneurs are busy introducing cockroaches into restaurant kitchens
2. ersatz chicken has left the nation's citizens with a bad taste in their mouths
3. cricket farmers use magnifying glasses to fit every member of their herd with tiny tracking tags
5. finding half a worm in your apple is an arrestable offense
6. finding half a worm in your apple is an arrestable offense
#827 Making Money Hand Over Fist
3. major boxing matches are held in government buildings
#834 Government and CO
1. people accuse the government of being in bed with Big Safety
2. conspiracy theorists allege that the government is spying on them through their carbon monoxide detectors
4. centuries-old marble buildings are being torn down and replaced with corrugated steel wind tunnels
#843 Quacking Up
1. medical experts advise that those claiming to be medical experts are probably fraudsters
#844 Essentially on Strike
1. the nation's police officers are famously miserable-looking
#847 All the Lonely People
1. the national census includes an opt-in to join the government-run dating service
#850 The Prints and the Slaughter
3. 3D printed organs are a breath of new life for the sick and elderly
#855 Thin Evidence
3. children must make a homemade spinach and ricotta rotolo by high school or be held back
4. the criminal underworld is dominated by cupcake smugglers and back-alley doughnut shops
#857 Are You There God Particle? It's Me, @@LEADER@@
1. schoolchildren must pass a six-month Ethics and Safety Committee Assessment before they are allowed to mix baking soda and vinegar
#859 A Cola by Any Other Name
3. citizens try to ignore gruesome pictures of decaying teeth printed on their soda cans
#860 A Blast From the Past
1. the tools of the trade for landmine clearance appear to be copious amounts of gasoline and a box of matches
2. Bigtopian relations have become a minefield
#866 O Medication, Where Art Thou?
1. pharmaceutical companies emphatically promise that "your pills are in the mail" rather than admit any supply shortfall
2. cooking with water and baking soda is considered patent infringement
4. government agents stalk the aisles of grocery stores for out-of-stock medications
#870 @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Literally Exploding With Excitement
2. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have recently stopped mysteriously setting off metal detectors
#882 Death by Chocolate
1. school lunches are made with hypo-allergenic wood pulp
#883 Who Let the Dinos Out?
1. romantic sunsets are no longer interrupted by explosions and monstrous roars
#885 Has Beans
3. advertisers are struggling to make water sound cool to a twitchy public
#886 Bounty on the Table
1. even in a one-horse town police are as common as fleas on a stray dog
#887 Thin Skin
2. fashion models are guaranteed to be 100% genuinely as anorexic as they appear on magazine covers
3. the Fashion Channel can only be viewed on widescreen TVs
#898 Two's Company, Three's a Crowd, Four's an Uprising
2. slaves who produce weapons are given free samples
4. many former slaves are finding out there is such a thing as a free lunch
#915 Clasp of Controversy
4. hazmat suits are a common @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ garb
#922 I'll Have What She's Having
2. Brancalandian Brie isn't available anywhere in @@NAME@@
#925 Ring of Death
2. it is against the rules of boxing to hit above or below the belt
#933 A Gun in Every Hand and a Tank in Every Garage?
3. former gun owners are finding that brandishing paintball guns isn't as satisfying as the real thing
#943 Big Love, Big Problems?
4. stuttering trypanophobes are doomed never to marry
#945 Police on the Take
3. train stations have more platforms than a 1970s disco
#947 Imitation Station
2. advert breaks are played at lower volumes to make them easier to ignore
3. traffic news is delivered to drivers via carrier pigeon
#950 Borderline Pandemic
1. anyone who sneezes at border crossings is turned away
3. pandemics are over and done with by the time it takes to pass the nation's stringent border security
4. hotels often double as quarantine zones
#954 Varsity Blues
1. on graduation day the hats thrown in the air fly high enough to stun passing pigeons
#955 Can It!
1. courses in how to boil water are popular for formerly microwave-reliant @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@
2. courses in how to boil water are popular for formerly microwave-reliant @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@
3. adverts proclaim it has to be healthy if the Mornay uses hand-grated Gallopavian Gruyère
#959 A-Major Debate
2. music teachers are commonly seen busking in order to fund their music programs
3. music teachers are commonly seen busking in order to fund their music programs
#965 Like a Bull in a Dàguó Shop
1. foreign countries consider stepping on their grass to be a serious offense
#967 Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics
1. grade school teachers mark homework with red "CITATION NEEDED" stamps
2. news headlines usually include p-values
#970 For Want of a Nail
5. pre-takeoff checks last longer than the flights themselves
#974 Siren Song
1. the combined alert sound of a nation simultaneously receiving a text message is a common cause of hearing damage
2. the banshee wail foretells skies of death
#978 Alone in the Dark
1. prisoners can't do number twos without their "toilet buddy" present
#983 Doctors' Orders
3. a popular saying is "a chicken for every pot and an abortion clinic on every street"
#989 Gunman Wounds Three
2. children cry as government officials steal their water pistols
#993 Drug Deal
2. doctors accused of having no heart reply that cardiology isn't their speciality
#1013 Grave Disease
1. one does not simply walk into the tundra
2. cases of disease among the civilian population dwindle as civilian population dwindles
4. people across the world seek to be healthier by eliminating carbs
#1018 Operation Failed
1. laser-wielding robots are taking aim at human hearts
2. laser-wielding robots are taking aim at human hearts
4. the doctor has cold hands
#1023 Pure Madness
3. couples are discouraged from marrying until they can rank their partner on a scale of one to ten
4. couples are discouraged from marrying until they can rank their partner on a scale of one to ten
#1028 Can't Get Enough of You Baby
3. the love has gone in @@NAME@@
#1040 A Recipe for Success?
1. coffee cups have grown in size to accommodate the huge ingredients list
#1046 Buffing Up Our Hospitals?
3. people fake illnesses for the chance to wear clothes in hospital
#1050 Criminal Guns Soon to Be Shooting Blanks
2. incarcerated crime lords manage their empires from massage tables
#1056 Time to Work?
1. businessmen walk out of meetings halfway because their shift is over
3. government bureaucrats spend six hours per day justifying a six-hour workday
#1059 Footing the Bill
3. children prefer to begin their day with push-ups rather than breakfast
#1065 Pulling Out
1. citizens are strongly encouraged to breathe less so as to limit the carbon footprint
#1067 Don't Fear the Reefer
2. costumed characters wearing Maxtopian Grass leaves remind citizens that the government now sells the green stuff
3. teenagers often ask adults to buy them Maxtopian Grass from government-run recreational drug stores
#1076 Smokers Cornered
1. the contraband cigarette trade is lighting up across @@NAME@@
3. female smokers cut their hair and don suits to get into male-only clubs
4. the tax department is having withdrawal symptoms
#1081 The Queen in Yellow
1. insanely good theatre productions face government censorship
#1099 New Satellite Blues
7. the thought of funding space programs drives @@LEADER@@ crazy
#1102 The Sickest Criminals
1. cane fights are a common sight in nursing homes
3. life expectancies inside correctional facilities vastly exceed the national average
#1105 A Green History Lesson
3. bereaved families are assigned a new housemate the day after the funeral
#1106 Some Body to Love
2. girls who wear lipstick are berated for pandering to male gazes
#1108 A Whiskey Rebellion Brewing
6. hospitals scramble for new disinfectants following a ban on rubbing alcohol
#1109 Of Mice and Meth
1. patriotic parents remind their children to drink plenty of water
3. tourists aren't the only ones that talk about coming back from a trip
#1113 No Sex Please, We're @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@
5. it's said that @@LEADER@@ can turn every pleasure into a chore
#1115 One in the Arm for @@LEADER@@?
1. seasonal hay-fever sufferers are attending government drug counselling sessions to get free doughnuts
3. acupuncture is routinely prescribed for intravenous drug addicts
#1118 We Can't Cross That Bridge When We Come to It
1. construction workers evacuate work sites after finding sharp rocks on the ground
#1119 Where There Isn't Smoke
5. exceptionally healthy police officers can sprint after crooks for hours on end
#1125 Blowing Smoke
2. worrywarts have started advocating for a paint ban
#1127 The Fast and the Fossilized
1. old dogs don't have to learn new tricks but they have to prove they haven't forgotten old ones
3. taxi drivers seem less xenophobic these days
#1133 Rocky Road
1. roadside walls are being built and mother nature is paying for it
#1138 Shock Tactics
1. giggling teens are asked to put their mouths on rubber dolls
2. fat-shaming is now public policy
#1139 A Little Wrestling, a Lot of Controversy
3. endocrinology is a rapidly growing field of study
#1140 Blinded by the Light
3. holiday light displays just aren't the same without seizure-inducing strobe effects
4. overcrowded buses are the new normal for suburban commuters
#1142 Womb Service
1. lifelong celibates are surprised to receive government-issue condoms in the post
2. lifelong celibates are surprised to receive government-issue condoms in the post
#1146 Mother Knows Best?
2. first-time moms are expected to be experienced parents from day one
#1151 Gotta Go Fast
2. there's a lot of babies crying for milk in the middle of the day
#1164 What a Gneiss Place We've Got Here
2. an underground group of geologists hides new discoveries to protect them from being destroyed in the name of safety
#1189 Driven to Distraction
1. glancing at the car radio display while driving is treated as attempted homicide
2. neon signs promoting safe driving often distract drivers
3. drivers are told they're not staring at mobile phone screens enough
#1195 All Hands on Tap!
1. the government has officially clarified that "wee on your hands to save time" does not count as proper hygiene
#1196 The Properties of Property
3. slavery has been abolished
#1198 The Death Debate Isn't Dead Yet
3. it is technically inaccurate to call the dead 'worm food'
#1208 Just Snoring With Excitement
1. high school bands practice by moonlight
2. students consistently complain that the wi-fi ate their homework
4. sleeping on the job is recommended
#1210 Big Tobacco in Big Trouble
4. the tobacco industry has burnt out
#1212 Lost at Sea
2. one-man canoes fitted with the latest tracking technology leave no room for one man
#1214 Blood Type: Gay Positive
3. there's nothing more gay than bleeding for your nation
#1229 Crystal Clear Sinuses
1. there's a lot of mouth-breathers about these days
2. the most common doctor's prescription is "get out of my consulting room"
#1248 A Day to Remember
1. modelling agencies send their clients to work in nursing homes
#1252 Ale to the Chief
2. visiting dignitaries make excuses to leave functions early and head to the nearest pub
#1262 Dead Tasty
1. the dish 'poisson avec poison' is only available on the black market
#1264 Flooding the Market
3. the government response to disaster victims starving for bread is "let them eat stale cake"
4. constipated disaster survivors are rapidly learning that MRE is short for "Meal Requiring Enemas"
#1268 Don't Sweat It
1. sniffer dogs check train passengers for body odour
2. sausages are seldom seen in the supermarket
#1277 Outside the Box
2. rugby players that knock each other over always stop to make sure the other fellow is okay
#1286 Burning Over a New Leaf
1. trying to toast marshmallows in an electric fireplace just isn't the same
#1293 Bet Your Life
2. flipping a coin to make a decision leads to a referral to Gambling Addiction Services
#1308 One in the Oven
1. the government makes bereaved siblings into bereaved orphans
2. parents often leave their kids in the car while they attend mindfulness meditation sessions
3. employers are keenest on employees who lack family values
4. there's often a little nagging voice suggesting that parents aren't keeping their kids safe
#1310 Intimate Relations
1. dancing with your first cousin is a misdemeanor
2. the slowest students feel vaguely targeted by their Mendelian Inheritance coursework
3. kissing cousins produce the heartiest babies
4. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ no longer find themselves bumping into their exes at family gatherings
#1311 An Acquired Taste
1. weird kids who eat bugs are breaking the law
#1318 Blitzed
3. a soldier's body is a temple
4. a soldier's body is a temple
5. a soldier's body is a temple
6. a soldier's body is a temple
#1320 A Case of Poor Turnaround
1. public toilets are famed for their rear entries
#1322 Introducing Altengarten?
1. 4-year-olds are often found reminiscing about the 'good old days'
#1324 Wrecked by Wrestling?
2. school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
#1327 Which Right Is Right?
1. signs at the border tell international drivers where they can put their cars
3. people often complain that they're going in circuitous routes all the time
#1331 Warning, Fatigue
1. power stations shutting down at night has made bedtime reading tricky
2. aeroplane cockpits no longer have altimeters or airspeed indicators
3. the sound of office water cooler chatter has been replaced by the whirring of computer cooling fans
#1334 Withdrawing Diplomatic Relations
1. the water doesn't come out of the faucet with the same rush that it used to
#1337 Waste Not Want Not
1. the needs of the living outweigh the needs of the dead
#1339 AI Citizens Driving Change?
1. mandatory updates on software drivers often bring life to a halt
#1342 Uni-ted We Roll, Uni-ted We Fall
2. sheep-like political loyalists repeat the mantra "one wheel bad, three wheels good"
#1343 Feeling Down
1. pilots always remember to send their doctors a Maxxmas card
#1346 The Problem With Peyote
1. the only soporific permitted during sermons is the preacher's voice
#1349 You Must Be 18 Years or Older to View This Content
2. kindergartners love the free balloons that their schools give them
3. kindergartners love the free balloons that their schools give them
#1352 The Brains Behind Kuru
1. brains have been removed from lists of best brain foods
2. human pie shops continue to receive shipments of meat from Spleeny Rodd's
#1366 Parklife
2. public parks are on the upswing
3. the government has seized the means of recreation
#1367 Sweet, Sweet Marketing
1. grocery store cereal aisles resemble a Piet Mondrian work
#1370 All Systems Post-Nominal
2. children must be board certified to append "Jr" to their name
3. professionals are ready to retire by the time they receive permission to use their credentials
#1374 Protect and Swerve
1. the long arm of the law possesses a rather slow hand
#1420 Trading Climate Sours
1. @@LEADER@@ arrives at international summits with a white cane
#1421 Have Your Cake and Don't Eat It
1. asking 'does my bum look big in this?' leads to 30 hours of self-esteem classes
2. racehorses move a lot slower these days
4. Big Belly is watching you
#1426 She's a Keeper
1. fixing attendance at women's matches is a matter of "when they go low, we go high... funding"
3. sports fans complain that cricket tests now last an unbearable ten days
#1441 Don't Burn Baby Don't Burn
1. kindergartners' favourite dance move is the stop-drop-and-roll
#1443 Forage and Forget
3. money grows on trees
#1447 The Lowest Form of Wit
1. you can tell when @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are being snarky by the fact their lips are moving
#1449 Annie Get Your Gun
4. it's no longer mandatory for armless amputees to own ironic side-arms
#1466 Don't Shoot Your Eye Out
1. shooting someone has never been safer
3. gun owners are skilled at everything except shooting
#1469 News Flash!
1. TV coverage of music festivals consists mostly of backstage interviews
2. viewers get headaches from trying to read the screen full of small print warnings that precede most TV shows
#1483 The Unkindest Cut
3. those who cut young children are told to cut it out
4. the government puts forth the claim that harming young girls is wrong
#1492 Smoke on the Water
2. there's nothing more rock-and-roll than absolute sobriety
#1499 Chasing the Pixelated Dragon
3. citizens have to stick a fork into an electrical outlet to get a buzz

devotion to social welfare

Gained from:

Sometimes gained from:

#4 Economic Collapse Looms!
1. all industry is owned and run by the government
#10 Social Inequality Reaching Embarrassing Levels
2. the government is slowly introducing social welfare programs
#15 More Police Needed
2. education and welfare spending are on the rise
#24 Budget Time: Accountants Excited
3. a well-funded social safety net protects the unfortunate
#35 Refugees Want to Call @@NAME@@ Home
1. the nation has opened its arms to an influx of refugees
#47 The Great Wall of @@NAME@@?
2. refugees from other nations are flocking to @@NAME@@'s border
#68 Ornery Overcrowding Problem
1. the government regularly hires contractors to construct high rise apartments
2. factories are regularly demolished to make way for low-cost housing areas
#75 Cutting Off Sex Offenders?
2. re-education centers are being added to most prisons
3. criminal rehabilitation takes place in re-education centers
#76 Suits in Protest
4. local executives are seen on the corner with cardboard signs reading "will oppress the masses for food"
#104 Public Loudspeakers Shrill With Controversy
3. ad-blocking has been nationalised
#122 Pensioners in Protest
1. retirement homes are often fitted with luxurious suites
#127 Aging Concerns in @@NAME@@
2. elderly citizens regularly buy posh multimillion-@@CURRENCY@@ mansions
3. politicians cheer the nation's surging death rate
5. immigrant Bigtopians work themselves to the bone to support gold-plated @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ pensions
#135 A Taxing Dilemma
2. the sound of wooden legs echo throughout @@NAME@@ after the recent introduction of the Foot Tax
#148 Spare the Rod, Demand Welfare Activists
1. parents live in fear of governmental 'child protection' squads
#154 Ban the 'Boards, Say Pedestrians
2. skateparks can be found in every city
#159 Think Tank Proposes Privatised Prisons
2. convicted murderers are free to walk the streets provided they attend rehabilitation classes
#161 Where There's a Will There's a Tax
1. the government seizes the property of the recently deceased
#164 Licence to Breed?
3. welfare funding has recently gone through the roof
#174 Maternity Leave a Must, Say Mothers
3. untold millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are going into a new government-funded maternity leave scheme
4. untold millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are going into a new government-funded maternity leave scheme
#187 Underclass Drowning in Debt
2. the government is pouring funds into the nation's welfare system
#198 Not All Those Who Wander Are Paying
3. the government has instituted 'traveller reservations' across the country
#202 Guns or Butter?
3. strategic bombers are being converted into preschools
#203 Suffer the Starving Children?
1. the government has been kicking out foreign corporations in a bid to grow enough food for the populace
4. the government is phasing in welfare programmes to tackle poverty
#209 Students Demand Financial Aid
1. the number of students attending university has reached a record high
#216 Eminent Domain: Inherent Right or Daylight Robbery?
3. the government seizes private property for the 'good of the people'
#224 Minimum Wage War
2. unemployment is through the roof after the government enacted living wage laws
#226 Expats Plea for Help in War-Torn Country
1. the nation has welcomed its expats back with open arms
2. the nation has welcomed its expats back with open arms
#231 Jungle Fever
2. rice shortages have risen after paddy fields were drained to combat malaria
#247 Where There's Smoke
2. the fire protection service is wholly government-funded
3. most citizens in @@NAME@@ are abject pyrophobes after extremely graphic pamphlets were mailed nationwide by the government
#250 Recession, Depression, and Deficit
4. the crackdown on private property seems as endless as the government issued food stamp lines
#251 The Trouble With Hobos
1. the recently unemployed can often be seen at the local homeless shelter
2. citizens applying for their first jobs face fierce competition from the homeless
#252 Great Balls of Fire!
2. the government has adopted a "Lightning Never Strikes Twice" approach to dealing with natural disasters
#255 Welfare Programs Not Faring Well
1. suit-clad businessmen have been taking advantage of the relaxed welfare qualifications by shopping with food stamps
4. the government is using tax revenues to provide jobs for the poor
#268 Don't Want Your Kid Anymore? Good News!
3. mothers are routinely abandoning their children in the name of women's rights
#278 Relief Is Coming... In Four to Six Weeks
1. contrails and thunderous rumbles have returned to the skies above
3. people take government jobs for the frequent flier miles
#292 Tourists Wearing Out Their Welcome?
5. tourists need only sign on the dotted line to become citizens
#296 Come on Baby, Fight My Fire
1. CEOs can't hear the term 'Fire Sale' without bursting into tears
#304 Time for Paternity Leave, Say Dads
6. mandatory daycare is provided by the government
#309 Guerrilla Grandparents
1. aging citizens are celebrating the end of the 'Early Bird War'
3. the elderly live on a steady diet of canned beans in dreary government housing
#314 An Affair to Remember?
1. cheating spouses are required to undergo job training
#327 No Rest for the Weary @@ANIMAL@@
4. government officials across @@NAME@@ are being "encouraged" to adopt @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ to set an example for the populace
#330 Supermarkets Gobbling Up All the Customers?
3. the government provides its citizenry with the same mass produced rations
#331 Swept Away
1. the government is flooded with compensation requests
#347 Crime Problems Ganging Up on @@NAME@@
2. new funding allows inner city teachers to replace school laptops almost as fast as they get stolen
#358 Not Another Teen Pregnancy
2. many junior high school teachers minor in midwifery
3. many junior high school teachers minor in midwifery
#359 Got Democracy?
2. pro-democracy regime change has been avoided
#362 After the Fall
1. the government is funneling billions into Cape @@NAME@@ following the shuttle crash
#370 The Unbearable Lightness of Government
3. soup kitchens are the only things doing roaring business
#383 Born to Be Just a Bit Too Wild?
1. children are shocked to find others "just like them" when they are taken out of the forest
#385 Who Stands for @@NAME@@?
1. the new national mascot has to be wheeled onto the field of play
#405 [An International Incident] Time for a Colonyoscopy!
1. the nation has gained millions of new citizens overnight
#414 Subpar Suburbs
2. government crews work tirelessly to retake the suburbs from organized packs of raccoons
#418 That Sinking Feeling
1. the Coast Guard is pioneering a quixotic program to train fish
#422 Wounded Veterans Demand a Helping Hand
1. the military is slashing spending on conventional arms and diverting it to spending on prosthetic arms
#423 Returning Holy Warriors Cause Trouble
2. the government is ignoring the latest terrorist atrocities in @@CAPITAL@@ for fear of causing a fuss
#439 The Law of Exodus
4. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have been enjoying a recent boost in civil rights as the government continues to clamp down on emigration
#442 You Can't Always Get What You Squat
2. business owners return from long vacations to find their factories have been turned into homeless shelters
#443 Five Year Plans and New Deals
2. strategic economic sectors are controlled by the state
4. Viagra factories are being converted to producing antimalarials for Bigtopian orphans
#448 It Takes a Village
1. the government frequently panders to parents with boutique tax credits
3. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Babysitters Club has proven to be a huge relief to stressed-out parents across the nation
#481 Social Equality Reaching Embarrassing Levels
2. the universal wage level is set by dividing GDP by the number of citizens
#482 Whose Fault Is It Anyways?
2. government-funded marriage counseling is showing very limited success
#484 Patriot or Patri-Not?
4. political satirists and late night comedians weep as the government begins cleaning up its act
#497 The Widening Gyre
1. the once prosperous capital is in utter decline
#523 A Family Affair
3. government-sanctioned speed mating is rife with Party-sanctioned abuse of power
#525 Nowhere to Go!
1. builders across @@NAME@@ are blocked up with orders for new public loos
#546 Dumpster Divers Dividing Denizens
3. the Grinder at Fat Sal's Deli and Recycling Center is a national institution
#571 Family Feud
4. unruly families are deliberately marooned on desert islands
#576 Light at the End of the Tunnel
3. children crying over dropped ice creams are offered high doses of experimental antidepressants
#601 Lawyers on Trial
1. lawyers turn down litigation cases and corporate work in order to focus on lucrative public defence work
3. pushy mums tell their kids to be doctors and engineers but steer them away from being penniless lawyers
#604 Food Behind Bars
1. the nation's prisons are touted as the best weight loss programs money can't buy
#605 The Noblest of Intentions
1. former nobles are being issued new identities in the wake of the end of serfdom
#612 A Petty Issue
2. the crispy fried liver of @@A@@ @@ANIMAL@@ is prized as a tasty treat by vagrants
#620 No Such Thing as a Free Lunch
1. Michelin-star chefs are being called on to prepare menus for six-year-olds
3. food voucher forgeries are causing headaches for the police
#623 Maison d'Être?
1. rich people sell their mansions to pay for endless rows of mobile homes
#628 Only @@LEADER@@ Can Prevent Forest Fires
4. disaster relief budgets are growing like wildfire
#638 Won't Somebody Think of the Children?
1. orphans would rather live their life of luxury than be adopted by prospective parents
#639 No Country for Old Men
1. 100-year-old politicians are now a thing of the past
#691 The Prodigal States
1. the nation forgives those who are big enough to admit they made a mistake
#696 No, Minister
2. the delay between passed legislation and real world implementation is often a decade or longer
#700 The Widow Raven
3. death compensation has some family members fearing to pay back others' debt they may be disappearing
#715 Copy Rights
2. parents are shocked to find out that having kids costs money
#720 Cui Bono?
4. the amount welfare recipients spend on fertilizer has exploded
#733 The Path Less Traveled
5. there are six more weeks of winter if a northerner sees @@HIS/HER@@ shadow
#739 In Loco Parentis
2. there's a literal nanny state for the legions of children taken by social services
#748 [The Enemy Within] In Spite of All the Danger
1. the government is coughing up funds for lung cancer victims
#766 Carbon Emissions Are Why We Can't Have Nice Things
3. the carbon tax fund gladly supplies warm blankets when the poor can't pay their heating bills
#779 We're Dying for Your Business
1. burial ceremonies have become as routinised as tax forms
#780 Vexing VAT
3. the richest individuals apparently buy nothing but noodles and toilet paper
#781 The White Man's Burden
1. saying that someone looks a bit pale can be construed as hate speech
#785 Born to Be My Baby
4. busy commuters no longer hear the cries of "I want some more!" on the nation's streets
#810 Armed and Unready
1. incompetent former soldiers have been re-employed as incompetent cleaners and kitchen staff
#817 Back-Alley Blues
1. official medical guidelines insist that childbirth is 'almost totally painless'
#851 Commercial Tidings Well in Advance
5. citizens who want to celebrate the holidays generally deck the halls with old newspaper trimmings and dirty socks
#855 Thin Evidence
4. the criminal underworld is dominated by cupcake smugglers and back-alley doughnut shops
#884 You're Psychotic, @@LEADER@@
5. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government claim that @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are oppressed out of love
#904 Yours Insincerely
1. the government only invests in infrastructure after a natural disaster
#914 Shepherds Without a Flock
3. atheists in the nation feel uneasy living in buildings where they were once vilified
#917 School's In, Cash Is Out!
1. the Treasury Minister takes anxiety medication every time kids lose their sports kits
#928 Get a Life
7. orphanages are practically giving children away
#943 Big Love, Big Problems?
2. people hearing voices that tell them to commit crimes are automatically assumed to be holy
#991 Alms and Qualms
4. corrupt paupers spend taxpayer @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ on liquor and tobacco
#995 A Cup Runneth Over
2. the seventh son of a seventh son is fated to be a millionaire
#1016 Breaking Upset
3. therapists dispense hugs for heroin dealers and cuddles for crackheads
#1021 Room and Board Games
5. the property market is in a bit of a state
#1043 Foundering Fashionistas
3. artists attempt to convince the Hardship Fund that their unmade bed is a masterpiece
#1063 Playing It by the Numbers
4. the government is expanding hungrily in its conquest of bread
#1086 Fun in the Sun
1. the 'sing-a-long with @@LEADER@@' album is a popular souvenir
#1103 Dàguó Takeaway
3. the government confiscates candy from babies for 'the greater good' of the nation
#1105 A Green History Lesson
3. bereaved families are assigned a new housemate the day after the funeral
#1111 A Call for Change
2. anyone with a tin cup can stop by the welfare office to have it filled with coins
#1130 Flash Crash Cash Dash
4. the stock market has been destroyed for its own protection
#1132 Gold Standards
1. it's a long jump to get onto the housing ladder
#1142 Womb Service
1. lifelong celibates are surprised to receive government-issue condoms in the post
2. lifelong celibates are surprised to receive government-issue condoms in the post
#1146 Mother Knows Best?
2. first-time moms are expected to be experienced parents from day one
#1148 Unfit for Purpose
1. doctors spend more time writing sick notes than caring for the sick
3. the blind lead the blind in social welfare
#1156 Pet Theory
1. you can't put down the nation's attitude to pet health
#1160 Milking It
3. right-wingers complain that too many people are suckling at the welfare teat
#1172 Piled Higher and Deeper
1. engineers ask liberal arts majors "Do you want fries with that?"
#1182 Thanks, but No Thanks
2. hungry families offer spare change to their social workers
#1183 Bloodied but Unbowed
1. the Ministry of Health has reported a sharp increase in the incidence of delayed menopause
#1219 Vat Is a Serious Problem
2. religious leaders insist all life is sacred (but not those vat-bred wretches)
#1231 Save Our Souls
5. the nation takes the world's poor and tired and the huddled Masses yearning to breathe free
#1248 A Day to Remember
1. modelling agencies send their clients to work in nursing homes
#1264 Flooding the Market
4. constipated disaster survivors are rapidly learning that MRE is short for "Meal Requiring Enemas"
#1276 A Boatload of Trouble
3. even immigrants complain that immigrants keep taking their jobs
#1291 The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
2. most believe 'tis better to give than to receive
#1292 A Sticky End for @@LEADER@@?
3. most foreigners can't name the leader of @@NAME@@
#1298 Ranchers Get Thrown to the Wolves
2. ranchers are adept at mimicking wolf attacks
#1306 The Least Common Educator
4. immigrant teachers use fat stacks of cash as teaching aids
5. immigrant teachers use fat stacks of cash as teaching aids
#1307 A Duty to Serve
1. students do more community service than homework
3. people who do not complete their community service are sentenced to more community service
#1308 One in the Oven
3. employers are keenest on employees who lack family values
#1309 Give @@A@@ @@ANIMAL@@ a Bone
1. war vets look after war animals
#1322 Introducing Altengarten?
1. 4-year-olds are often found reminiscing about the 'good old days'
#1336 Take Good Care of My Baby
1. a generation of children conceived in hell and born in strife is growing up inside government-run care villages
#1338 Slow and Stupid Is the Race
1. minorities play dumb to get more welfare payments
#1340 Unnatural Conception
6. therapists advise women who are constantly stressed and tired to have another baby
#1350 The @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Are Coming!
1. the nation frequently scolds its subject territories for staying up past bedtime
#1368 Parking Hell
2. parking's carefree without parking car fees
#1381 [MADness] Chairman No
1. citizens are being told that the greatness of a nation's power is the measure of its surrender
2. citizens are being told that the greatness of a nation's power is the measure of its surrender
#1390 [MADness] Spectrum of Solace
4. a surprisingly large share of the nation's budget is used to buy new houses for immigrants
5. a surprisingly large share of the nation's budget is used to buy new houses for immigrants
#1400 [MADness] President No
1. citizens are being told that the greatness of a nation's power is the measure of its surrender
#1405 [MADness] Spectrum of Solace
3. a surprisingly large share of the nation's budget is used to buy new houses for immigrants
#1415 The Melting Point
2. after every storm there's an expensive government-funded rainbow
#1418 The High Life
1. children's daycare starts at the crack of dawn
#1427 May the Fourth Estate Be With You
3. students spend the school year learning how great the education system is
#1435 A Hot Potato
1. major cities run on potato batteries
3. farmers in arid regions are puzzled with government directions to plant rice this year
#1437 Crushed Dreams
2. a favorite "life hack" for gap year backpackers is to pretend to be homeless for government handouts
#1458 Children of @@FAITH@@
1. atheistic refugees haven't got a prayer of being granted asylum
#1483 The Unkindest Cut
1. the government regrets to say that it is forced to make cuts to citizens
2. the government regrets to say that it is forced to make cuts to citizens
#1490 @@LEADER@@ Wins Massive Victory!
3. the government's new "quiet competence" initiative has supporters and detractors alike reeling in confusion
#1500 Rodents of Unusual Sociability
2. dogs are encouraged to confront the psychodynamic roots of their desire to be "good boys"
#1523 Don't Tread on My Money
3. doctors are encouraged to 'pull the plug' any time the government has a budget crisis

Removed by:

#110 Too Low on Laws, Say Citizens
2. the land is famous throughout the region for its rampant lawlessness
#192 Coup d'Etat in @@NAME@@!
1. the national government has been dissolved by revolutionary insurgents
#203 Suffer the Starving Children?
3. the well-off are enjoying tax cuts while famine kills off the poor and destitute
#255 Welfare Programs Not Faring Well
3. penurious citizens die from easily remedied ailments because they aren't 'taking enough initiative'
#360 Electile Dysfunction
5. only the wealthy vote
#481 Social Equality Reaching Embarrassing Levels
1. @@LEADER@@ shrugs in the face of growing inequalities
#720 Cui Bono?
1. homeless people dying of starvation are thought to be a necessary cost of preventing terrorism
#995 A Cup Runneth Over
3. babies living in poverty are told to take responsibility for their own fortunes

Sometimes removed by:

#10 Social Inequality Reaching Embarrassing Levels
1. the streets are increasingly clogged with poverty-stricken beggars
#18 Citizens Struggle Under "Unfair" Tax Burden
1. the government is reining in public spending
#24 Budget Time: Accountants Excited
4. citizens are enjoying a recent large cut in taxes
#35 Refugees Want to Call @@NAME@@ Home
2. the Navy has outraged the international community by sinking a boatload of refugees to prevent them reaching the shore
#39 Scandal Rocks @@NAME@@'s Government!
4. government officials frequently cut taxes as a distraction from antics with their secretaries
#43 Prisoners Demand Elbow Room
1. gigantic new prisons are springing up all over the nation
#58 Violent Violetists Demand Blood!
1. homeless people are periodically found dead upon altars to assorted deities
#61 Should the Government Grant Estates and Titles of Nobility?
1. society and government have been organized according to a feudal hierarchy
#83 High-Speed Monorail Service Promises Connections
1. government spending has hit an all-time low
#111 Southern @@NAME@@ Demands Semi-Autonomy
3. protesters against the government are hanged as a warning to others
#122 Pensioners in Protest
2. senior citizens can usually be found doing heavy manual labour
#125 Bring Back the Ballot?
2. suppression of pro-democracy protests is a daily occurrence
#127 Aging Concerns in @@NAME@@
1. retiring citizens are dragged away in the middle of the night by mysterious men in black suits
4. senior citizens are often found slaving away in factories
#135 A Taxing Dilemma
1. government officials have to mortgage their homes to make ends meet
#148 Spare the Rod, Demand Welfare Activists
2. record sales of 'child-whacking sticks' have been reported
#152 A Capital Idea
1. the government has returned all business to private ownership
#164 Licence to Breed?
2. almost half of the child population live rough on the streets
#199 More Jails Needed
1. the new prison system is crowding up at an alarming rate
#221 Outdated Tax Code Crushing @@NAME@@?
1. the government is in utter turmoil following the recent abolishment of the tax code
#223 Easter Egg: Zombie Attack!
6. the undead roam the streets and countryside at night (@@EGG@@)
#224 Minimum Wage War
3. boot polish is the favourite lip gloss of entry-level corporate workers
#226 Expats Plea for Help in War-Torn Country
3. citizens who leave the country are officially classed as traitors
#230 Extremists on the Ballot Sheet
2. most governmental positions are filled by zealous nationalists
#241 A Capital City for @@NAME@@?
5. the government has adopted a more thrifty attitude to administrating the country's needs
#242 Follow the Leader
2. @@LEADER@@ has been self-declared as the Most Supreme Magnificent Overlord of Everything You Ever Saw
#250 Recession, Depression, and Deficit
2. the government spends its days financing the delocalisation of its own economy
5. the country is effectively ruled by large corporations and business consultants
#251 The Trouble With Hobos
3. homeless people are frequently charged with trespassing on public property
4. citizens who become homeless are immediately executed
#255 Welfare Programs Not Faring Well
2. the welfare administration's new sweeping authority has forced the poor and needy to shop from pre-approved grocery lists
5. the government enforces a policy of 'from each according to their ability, to each according to the available budget'
#257 @@LEADER@@ Assassinated... Almost
1. citizens simply have to point a weapon at a government official to get what they want
#260 Taxpayers on Strike!
1. the government has cut taxes in the face of widespread tax evasion
#265 To Bail or Not to Bail?
2. thousands of former welfare recipients are in a revolutionary uproar as the rest of society is enjoying a hefty tax break
#268 Don't Want Your Kid Anymore? Good News!
1. orphanages are closing their doors as the government forces parents to actually raise their children
2. orphanages are closing their doors as the government forces parents to actually raise their children
#283 Wealthy Flee to Tax-Free Havens
1. expats return home to a government devoid of social and environmental agencies
#285 A Right Not to Work?
2. police and sick people alike fear the Day of Rest as all institutions are forced to shut down
#294 Ghost Riders on the Sly
5. the CEO of Laws Incorporated must sign off on all new bills
#296 Come on Baby, Fight My Fire
3. disaster victims are viewed with disdain
#319 Sizing Up the Competition
3. businesses are scrambling to adapt to the government's mandate that 'time and measurement no longer exist'
#322 Empathy a Rare Commodity?
2. curtailed social programs have left many citizens bereft of any safety net
#331 Swept Away
2. insurance companies charge extortionate premiums to cover homes near waterways
#339 The Bear Necessities
3. the economy is undergoing a traumatic transition to capitalism
#414 Subpar Suburbs
1. town welcome signs list corporate sponsors
#418 That Sinking Feeling
2. drowning sailors are hung out to dry
#447 Honey, We Hung the Parliament
4. late night talk show hosts are having a field day over @@LEADER@@'s questionably sane new coalition partners
#448 It Takes a Village
4. the government has completely eliminated all childcare programs
#466 @@NAME@@ Is Never Ever Getting Back Together... Like Ever
4. the country has essentially become @@POPULATION@@ nations within a nation
#481 Social Equality Reaching Embarrassing Levels
4. @@LEADER@@'s new political program is often mockingly called 'Capitalism with a Bigtopian face'
#490 The Long and Winding Halls of @@CAPITAL@@
1. auditors are gutting every governmental department
2. the government regularly publishes lengthy reports on its own excessive recordkeeping
#496 Rock 'n' Roll Suicide
3. the government's suicide hotline now redirects callers to local tax lawyers
#525 Nowhere to Go!
2. @@A@@ @@REGION@@ Tourist Association survey has rated @@NAME@@ #1 for number twos
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have replaced bears in a popular idiom
#527 The Body Politic
1. cities in @@NAME@@ declare independence based on interpretation of the historic meaning of cave paintings
#575 Sick Days for Sick Waves
1. victims of limb-mauling industrial accidents are told to keep working with their remaining hand
2. victims of limb-mauling industrial accidents are told to keep working with their remaining hand
4. board shorts have replaced board rooms
#577 Second World Problems
4. Party members are derided as class traitors
#601 Lawyers on Trial
2. justice is available only to those who can afford its price tag
#620 No Such Thing as a Free Lunch
2. children are seen fighting in the playground for bread scraps that fall out of diamond-encrusted lunchboxes
#623 Maison d'Être?
5. disputed territories across @@REGION@@ are being claimed by @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ college students
#644 The Old Grey Matter
5. grannies with arthritic hands work miserably on factory production lines
#680 The Fault Is in Our Stars
1. a full moon at night lets economists sleep tight
#687 Marriage by Proxy Server
3. robotic spouses prove to be just as imperfect as flesh and blood ones
#693 Bottled Up Problems
4. health inspectors are seen eating black truffle fondue with their bottled water
#694 Concussive Percussion
3. tuba players are paid to quietly whisper into their instruments
#710 Feudal Feuds
3. the government believes in trickle-down happiness
#720 Cui Bono?
2. more money is spent on policing the welfare system for abuse than on the welfare system itself
3. shanty towns of homeless immigrants are the ideal recruiting ground for terrorist organisations
#739 In Loco Parentis
1. it's considered a civil right to be allowed to neglect and mistreat your own children
#769 How to Print Money?
5. the barter economy has taken over as the @@CURRENCY@@ has become worthless
#784 The Driving Force
3. double-parking is on the rise as automobile numbers increase
#793 [@@CAPITAL@@gate] Knock Knock. Who's There? Not You Anymore!
3. the entirety of @@LEADER@@'s administration can be crammed into a phone booth
#847 All the Lonely People
4. lonely people are supposed to be cheered up by the many parties that they are never invited to
#862 Friends Close, Enemies Closer
4. the government seems embarrassed to be seen governing
9. government ministers sport new billboards that read 'Will Trade Votes for Private Members' Bill Support'
#865 A Funeral for a Fiend?
4. the government only announces the deaths of its members when it's convenient
#882 Death by Chocolate
3. children aren't allowed to chew their pencils until they get home from school
#900 Piracy on the High Trees
4. newly-privatized lumberjacks are clearcutting the forest to meet demand
#907 A Problem Shared
4. boom-and-bust cycles are being peddled as economically inevitable
#920 Central Planning Theatrics
3. ticket touts are blamed for the downfall of communism
#995 A Cup Runneth Over
1. women across the country are tying the knot
4. on hunt days the unpleasant peasant runs in lieu of the pheasant
#1021 Room and Board Games
4. multilingual concierges man empty inner city apartment blocks
#1116 To Each According to His Feed
5. the red star of communism has been replaced by the gold star of the McRonald's badge
#1132 Gold Standards
2. destitute athletes are forced to train in the street
#1148 Unfit for Purpose
4. paraplegics are told to walk it off
#1180 Death Doesn't Discriminate
1. people on the brink of death are put through unwanted and stressful procedures
2. people on the brink of death are put through unwanted and stressful procedures
#1183 Bloodied but Unbowed
2. it is said that @@A@@ @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ woman's work is never done
#1245 Sheepish Students
4. the wealthiest parts of the country receive the most government spending
#1248 A Day to Remember
2. social care for the elderly consists of a self help leaflet and a kick on the backside
4. red rinses are frequently applied to grey hair
#1301 Meat the Neighbours
2. the end of communism came with retail rather than revolution
#1309 Give @@A@@ @@ANIMAL@@ a Bone
2. veterans' meet-ups involve a lot of tail sniffing
#1311 An Acquired Taste
4. gaping tourists take long-distance photos of diseased natives on "indigenous peoples" safari tours
#1325 Having Faith in Communism
4. spiritual leaders preach that the poor are being punished for their sins
#1336 Take Good Care of My Baby
3. foundling babies rarely make it off the doorsteps they are abandoned on
#1338 Slow and Stupid Is the Race
2. immigrants are told to pull themselves up by their worn-out budget bootstraps
#1345 To Each According to Whatever's Left
5. real chickens replace rooster weather vanes on inner-city rooftop gardens
#1412 Another Day, Another Dollar
1. the government hopes austerity will lead to prosperity
#1459 Friends With Tax Benefits
3. unemployed accountants keep double-entry ledgers of their benefit claims
#1511 Three Little Words
3. families burn @@LEADER@@'s latest official photograph to keep warm

digital currency

Gained from:

#343 Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?
3. mandatory electronic currency is a boon for credit card companies and government surveillance

Sometimes gained from:

#228 Mice in the Walls
1. nerds everywhere are rejoicing as they are reunited with their computers
#335 Log Us Back On
1. teenagers haven't been seen outdoors since the nation reconnected to the Internet
#666 A Microchip on Your Shoulder
1. the masses are surrendering their civil liberties without complaint for the sake of shopping convenience
#1042 Failure to Launch
2. carpal tunnel syndrome is on the rise
#1190 Dirty Laundry
3. nobody brings rolls of coins to the laundromat anymore
#1267 Hamming It Up
5. email killed the radio star
6. email killed the radio star
#1281 The Not-So-Worldwide Web
1. "Surfin' @@TYPEINITIALS@@@@NAMEINITIALS@@" is a hit

Removed by:

#37 Traffic Cops Needed on Information Superhighway?
2. the country has unplugged its internet connection to prevent subversive content
#41 Software Giant Stomps on Competition
3. citizens frequently whisper of the Internet as 'the domain of the devil'
#57 Electronic Plague in @@NAME@@!
4. the recent ban on computers is causing havoc throughout the nation
#82 AI Researchers Rally for Android Rights
3. computers have been banned
#193 Robots Leaving Workers Jobless
4. the loom represents the height of @@NAME@@'s technology
#269 Stop the Presses!
4. abacus sales outpace those of the personal computer following the closure of the Internet
#317 Big Brother Is Watching You Surf
3. the government is rounding up computers and beating them into plowshares
#323 Get Teens Out of MyFace?
4. computers are used primarily for word processing and solitaire
#353 Broadband Going to the Birds?
3. stray cats threaten the fledgling avian-based internet
#437 Blue Screen of Economic Death
1. citizens queue to get the reinstated bank notes and coins
4. necklace theft is the nation's fastest-growing crime
#539 All My Bits Are Belong to You
4. the nation has reverted back to an agrarian society after anything more advanced than the wheel was banned
#666 A Microchip on Your Shoulder
2. tradesmen will knock 10% off their fees if customers pay cash
3. truancy levels are on the rise ever since school registers were banned
#687 Marriage by Proxy Server
4. no one can find a leaky faucet in @@NAME@@ anymore
#711 Patently Obvious
3. diagrams of new modems collect dust in patent offices
#804 Motivational Posters
3. rubber stamp emojis are the new craze
#821 A Switch in Time Kills Nine
2. meetings are often scheduled for "about four-ish" following complete conversion to sundials
#906 Internet Killed the Television Star
4. televangelists often claim they can cure your Lupus if you donate enough money
5. television is strictly censored so that it promotes @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ values
#1073 Much Ado About Everything
3. this year's comedy award has left mothers-in-law seething
#1176 Haters Gonna Hate
4. the government has swiped left on the whole internet
#1242 Jump Leads
5. the incidence of wrist sprains is falling
#1356 The Silicon Curtain
5. the nation has become both the largest producer and consumer of abaci in @@REGION@@
#1439 Philately Will Get You Nowhere
1. the digital money revolution has cashed out

disturbing lack of elderly people

Gained from:

#127 Aging Concerns in @@NAME@@
1. retiring citizens are dragged away in the middle of the night by mysterious men in black suits
#1180 Death Doesn't Discriminate
1. people on the brink of death are put through unwanted and stressful procedures
2. people on the brink of death are put through unwanted and stressful procedures
#1248 A Day to Remember
4. red rinses are frequently applied to grey hair

Removed by:

#309 Guerrilla Grandparents
1. aging citizens are celebrating the end of the 'Early Bird War'
3. the elderly live on a steady diet of canned beans in dreary government housing
#861 Out With the Old
4. people still need you and they still feed you when you're sixty-five
#1215 A New Age
4. the Sandmen are calling it a night

enforced nudity

Gained from:

#8 Nudists Demand Time in Sun
2. public nudity is compulsory
#823 Where the Sun Don't Shine
4. women find themselves saying "my eyes are up here" more often than they used to

Sometimes gained from:

#932 Teacher's Past Blown Wide Open
2. attendance of fathers at PTA meetings is at an all-time high
#975 Paparazzi Parents
2. the Snapgram channel "Embarrassing Baby @@LEADER@@ Pics" has made @@LEADER@@'s mom a celebrity

Removed by:

#50 Whips, Chains, and Leather, Oh My!
2. leather-clad individuals can be seen walking their slaves in public parks
#197 Breastfeeding in Public: Innocent or Indecent?
1. female newsreaders distract the nation by breastfeeding during broadcast
#295 Give Us Pockets or Give Us Something Else
1. fashion stores are exploding in sales as clothing is reintroduced to the country
3. clothed men and nude women illustrate the stark contrasts in the nation's equality laws
#456 Heads Will Roll
3. stylish juvenile delinquents are highly overrepresented in fatal motorcycle accidents
#593 A Right to Bare Arms?
3. young men in tiny bikinis draw neither comment nor stares on the morning commute
#820 These Heels Weren't Made for Working
1. police officers often head to work wearing onesies and fluffy pink bunny-slippers
#932 Teacher's Past Blown Wide Open
1. interviewees for teaching jobs are waterboarded to "reveal undesirable histories"
4. photographs that show ladies' ankles are considered risqué
#1046 Buffing Up Our Hospitals?
1. citizens all over @@NAME@@ squeal in delight at the return of pockets
2. citizens all over @@NAME@@ squeal in delight at the return of pockets
3. people fake illnesses for the chance to wear clothes in hospital
#1057 Baby, It's Cold Outside
1. warm coats are the hottest trend
#1094 A Political Cover-Up
1. foreign ambassadors never get to see what @@NAME@@ has to offer
3. most @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ wear towels as demand for pants outstrips supply
#1304 Nothing to See
1. wearing a daisy chain is a fast-track ticket to unemployment
#1475 Bombshell for @@LEADER@@
2. @@LEADER@@'s support among single young men has drooped slightly

Sometimes removed by:

#99 We Need Cash, Sharpish, Say Librarians
3. all writing must pass a censorship board before being allowed on the shelves
#446 In the Land of Milk and Money?
1. late night adverts for breast milk co-ops regularly win pornography industry awards
3. breast milk lattes are the newest fad among hip urbanites
4. prohibition has allowed a Maxtopian immigrant known only as "Nipples" to establish an illicit breast milk syndicate
#839 "Partisanship Too Far?" Wrongly Asks Opposition
4. street graffiti indicates the political party that dominates a neighborhood
#975 Paparazzi Parents
1. obstetricians are not allowed to publish ultrasound pictures of fetuses in medical journals
2. the Snapgram channel "Embarrassing Baby @@LEADER@@ Pics" has made @@LEADER@@'s mom a celebrity
#992 Robots in Disguise
5. visual acuity is worsening amongst teenagers

enslaved workforce

Gained from:

#136 Much Ado About Abortion
4. families are only permitted to have one child
#190 Immigrants Import Homeland Rivalries
1. immigrant Maxtopians are routinely sold on popular internet auction sites
2. Maxtopian slaves are routinely sold as an optional extra for household appliances
#224 Minimum Wage War
4. the workforce is almost entirely made up of slave labour
#408 Easter Egg: Pony Peril
3. ponies working in the nation's salt mines have a life expectancy of weeks (@@EGG@@)
#559 The Low Aspiration Nation
3. the unemployed are quite literally sold to the highest bidder
#593 A Right to Bare Arms?
4. fathers are free to sell their daughters to whomever they choose
#710 Feudal Feuds
1. a serf by any other name works just as hard
#878 DoublePlusUnGood
2. citizens know not to ask what their country can do for them but what they can do as chained slaves for their country
#1009 A Woman's Roll
4. glassy-eyed @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ wives lifelessly chant "I love you" on command
#1038 Maid to Order
3. slaving over a hot stove to cook the family dinner isn't metaphorical in @@NAME@@
#1434 Blood on Your Nuts
3. slavers are real nutters

Removed by:

#254 Freedom Comes at a Price
2. employers are gradually adapting to the alien premise of paying wages to their workers
#898 Two's Company, Three's a Crowd, Four's an Uprising
4. many former slaves are finding out there is such a thing as a free lunch
#1196 The Properties of Property
3. slavery has been abolished

exploding hoverboards

Gained from:

Sometimes gained from:

#2 Reclaim the Streets!
1. cars are banned
#4 Economic Collapse Looms!
2. the government is attempting to revitalize a gutted private sector
3. the government is attempting to revitalize a gutted private sector
#7 Animal Liberation Front Strikes Again
1. Animal Liberationists are regularly arrested
#29 Minorities Demand Representation in TV Soaps
3. the alarmingly racist TV show 'Bigtopians Say the Darndest Things' is a hit
#41 Software Giant Stomps on Competition
1. small businesses are gobbled up almost daily by corporate giants
#63 Tykes With Tools?
2. children as young as eight can be found working in factories
3. adult unemployment is rising as available jobs are filled by young children
#90 Organic Outburst
2. a survey of the nation's rivers and children has shown that pesticide levels are at an all-time regional high
#102 For Whom the Road Tolls
3. cars have been banned
#105 Compensation Culture Must End, Say Corporations
1. corporations cut costs by taking away safety-features on their products
#140 A Grave Problem
1. tombstones are ten feet high to accommodate the names of inhabitants
#154 Ban the 'Boards, Say Pedestrians
3. skateboarding is the only legal way to travel
#179 Mad @@ANIMAL@@ Disease Outbreak!
5. people all over @@NAME@@ are dying of 'Mad @@ANIMAL@@ Disease'
#180 Mobile Maladies
2. crowded passenger trains are near-silent save for the soft tap of fingers on touchscreens
3. crowded passenger trains are near-silent save for the soft tap of fingers on touchscreens
#186 Carjacking Concerns
4. urban citizens are forced onto public transport while rural citizens ride horses and buggies
#206 @@NAME@@ Narrowly Misses Nuclear Accident
2. nuclear reactors are held together with party string and Hubba Bubba
#208 Mine Collapse Rocks @@NAME@@
2. mining is the nation's most dangerous occupation
3. mining is the nation's most dangerous occupation
#256 Easter Egg: Suburbs Are Out of This World
2. white-collar unemployment skyrockets as the suburbs are not within bicycling distance to work (@@EGG@@)
#272 Slow Down, You're Going Too Fast
3. bicycle parking sheds have sprouted like mushrooms near rail stations after cars were banned
#273 Is Our Children Learning?
5. wealthy students ride to school past mendicant dropouts
6. wealthy students ride to school past mendicant dropouts
#280 Oh the Humanity!
2. airship use has soared while property values beneath their routes have plummeted
#281 Free Internet for @@NAME@@?
4. electrocution deaths among computer technicians are at an all-time high
#290 Wheels of Misfortune
4. heavy industry grinds to a halt as new equipment must be biked in
#302 Delivering Mayhem in Thirty Minutes or Less!
1. many feel that the government's ban on cars to combat reckless driving was "a tad excessive"
#323 Get Teens Out of MyFace?
2. the nation leads @@REGION@@ in per capita stalking
#327 No Rest for the Weary @@ANIMAL@@
3. the @@ANIMAL@@ stadiums are open 24/7
#334 Blot Out Bauhaus?
2. surrealist houses shaped like mushrooms and volcanoes dominate the wealthiest neighborhoods
#367 What's Their Beef?
4. Humongo-Mart's Beef 'n @@ANIMAL@@ Lasagne is a hit
#369 No Vocation Without Remuneration
3. clandestine emigration to countries with labor laws is all the rage
#376 Death by Bungee
3. bungee jumpers frequently go splat
#408 Easter Egg: Pony Peril
3. ponies working in the nation's salt mines have a life expectancy of weeks (@@EGG@@)
#425 Teach Your Farmers Well
3. bleach is the nation's most common pesticide
#440 Jumping the Sharknado
3. 'Police Academy 36' and 'Sharknados On A Plane' are vying for top spot at the box-office
#446 In the Land of Milk and Money?
3. breast milk lattes are the newest fad among hip urbanites
#474 Mesozoic Park
1. sexually-starved male dinosaurs terrorise tourists during weekly breakouts from Mesozoic Park
4. local councils have to call in dump trucks to clear parks of dinosaur droppings
#509 It Was Asbestos Times, It Was the Worst of Times
3. hammering a nail into a wall is an effective death sentence
#512 Furnished for Failure
4. personal injury lawyers are demanding compensation from the government after recent reductions in manufacturer liability
#538 @@LEADER@@, Let Your People Go!
2. public incontinence is a growing problem amongst the nation's women
#539 All My Bits Are Belong to You
4. the nation has reverted back to an agrarian society after anything more advanced than the wheel was banned
#542 What a Waste
4. global anti-terrorist organisations strongly suspect @@NAME@@ of supplying extremist groups
#544 Object-Oriented Programming
2. teenage male videogamers often suffer repetitive strain wrist injuries
#547 Fantastic Beasts and How @@NAME@@ Harmed Them
2. whales in captivity live in little more than glorified goldfish bowls
3. whales in captivity live in little more than glorified goldfish bowls
#553 Cede Our Seeds?
2. the new "Bloodbath" orange tree autonomously seeks and destroys independent orchards
#558 Turning a Blind Eye?
3. dining out often involves @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ on the plate no matter what you order
#563 Resistance Is Fertile
4. subsidisation of Big Pharma has stopped many corporate executives from having to sell their second homes
#566 Drive My Car
3. fire stations and hospitals can't deploy emergency vehicles because badly parked cars block them in
#585 Are You Not Entertained?
3. amusement park rides frequently collapse due to lack of maintenance
4. nihilistic thrill-seekers claim that suicide by roller coaster is the ultimate life experience
#591 Bait and Switch
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ farm salmon are known for being both horribly diseased and remarkably acrobatic
3. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ farm salmon are known for being both horribly diseased and remarkably acrobatic
#606 In the Black
3. exploding toys that leak battery acid are back in the shops after the government declared child safety 'over-rated'
#608 Thrown Into Sharp Relief
2. recognised healthcare professionals treat diabetes with a grain of sugar in a barrel of water
#618 The Jaws of a Dilemma
2. the mummified remains of former kings are apparently discovered every time a tourist loses their wallet
4. sharks are enjoying their deliveries of canned food
#623 Maison d'Être?
2. the country is littered with broken homes
#635 Hey Kid, Have a Cigar
2. schoolyard sandboxes resemble ashtrays due to the large number of cigarette butts
3. schoolyard sandboxes resemble ashtrays due to the large number of cigarette butts
#639 No Country for Old Men
2. octogenarian swimsuit models insist that they've still got it
#641 Dirty Little Minds
3. life expectancy is way down but posthuman perfectionism is way up
4. corrupt industrial practices are spreading like a plague
#660 Are We Being Served?
3. customers who are not the epitome of politeness always find themselves at the back of the queue
#667 One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Recyclable
3. unused plastic recycling bins are being dumped into landfills by the tonne
#674 Let Them Eat Rainbow Cake!
1. male friends are often accompanied by a female relative in order to prove their 'straightness'
2. male friends are often accompanied by a female relative in order to prove their 'straightness'
#681 @@NAME@@'s New Year's Resolution: Lose Fewer Limbs
3. a firework a day does not in fact keep the doctor away
#692 Game of Drones
2. airplanes have giant grilles on their noses to knock drones out of their path
4. airplanes have giant grilles on their noses to knock drones out of their path
#705 The Germ of an Idea
2. fast-food chefs regularly win Health Innovation Awards for spitting on burgers
#713 Life in the Bike Lane
4. the nation's infamous rickshaw ambulances often double as hearses
#716 Cheek to Cheek
2. people often get liposuction to reduce their air fares
3. people often get liposuction to reduce their air fares
#733 The Path Less Traveled
3. every spring railroad foundations erode to reveal human remains
4. every spring railroad foundations erode to reveal human remains
#747 The Plane Truth
1. travelers often bring empty plastic bottles on Air @@NAME@@ flights to avoid the pay lavatories
2. travelers often bring empty plastic bottles on Air @@NAME@@ flights to avoid the pay lavatories
#770 Vaping Up a Storm
2. kids' party bags often contain candy and e-cigarettes
#779 We're Dying for Your Business
2. open-casket funerals are avoided at all cost
#784 The Driving Force
5. mail and shipped goods take forever to get to buyers
#786 Tainted Tattoos
2. getting an infected tattoo is considered a rite of passage in @@NAME@@
#787 Come Fly With Me?
2. when you fly on Air @@NAME@@ you win a seat or you die
#801 Animation Provocation
3. toy versions of heroin paraphernalia let kids pretend to be their favourite TV characters
#820 These Heels Weren't Made for Working
2. a stocking with a crooked seam or a tie without a full Windsor knot are grounds for instant dismissal
#822 Never Work With Children
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ actors literally work from cradle to grave
#843 Quacking Up
2. new treatments are rejected if they cannot be explained using only one-syllable words
#848 It's a Girl Thing
2. baby boys who pick up pink crayons are sent to a psychiatric ward
3. baby boys who pick up pink crayons are sent to a psychiatric ward
#855 Thin Evidence
2. it is customary to begin the summer with a fasting ritual in which people eat nothing but kumquat smoothies
#859 A Cola by Any Other Name
2. citizens need a magnifying glass and color chart to distinguish between nearly identical brand labels
#866 O Medication, Where Art Thou?
3. every fourth child is born with flippers instead of hands
#871 It's Not Easy Being Red
5. the "Brave New World" program has caused private businesses to spring up faster than the East Lebatuck Wall
#882 Death by Chocolate
2. the regional delicacy of chocolate bombes is deadlier than an unexploded bomb
#883 Who Let the Dinos Out?
2. the restriction that you must be over 1.1 metres tall to ride a carnotaurus has recently been waived
#887 Thin Skin
1. nature magazines featuring stick insects on their covers are sometimes mistaken for fashion magazines
#890 Mining Blues
3. the latest "must-have" uPhone is 1/4 mm thinner than last year's uPhone
4. the latest "must-have" uPhone is 1/4 mm thinner than last year's uPhone
#893 Bread is the Stuff of Strife
2. bread-gangs raid restaurant waste bins to stockpile uneaten rolls
3. mouldy bread is served as an appetizer in many restaurants
#899 Uncultured Singles in Your Area
3. preservative-laden @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ cheeses will be as edible when archaeologists dig them up next millennium
#901 You Buy That?
2. playing an online nation simulation game legally obliges you to buy the creator's latest novel
#922 I'll Have What She's Having
1. the fattest folk in @@NAME@@ look to be the happiest ones
#929 Champagne in the Glass
2. foreign spirits are hard to find due to an abundance of "Cletus and Jim Bob's Homemade @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Moonshine"
4. alcoholism is the newest import from Dàguó
#944 Deadly Persuasion
3. even religious militants can be swayed by the power of #love
#955 Can It!
4. there's a bustling black market for vegetables
5. there's a bustling black market for vegetables
#967 Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics
3. people think garlic bread counts as one of their "five a day"
#975 Paparazzi Parents
2. the Snapgram channel "Embarrassing Baby @@LEADER@@ Pics" has made @@LEADER@@'s mom a celebrity
#979 A Patronising Statement
2. a popular artist is claiming that a raw steak with a dog turd on it is a portrait of @@LEADER@@
#989 Gunman Wounds Three
1. gun-wielding gangsters sometimes deal death from as far as ten paces away
#991 Alms and Qualms
3. charity workers dole out hardtack from behind designer sunglasses
#993 Drug Deal
1. drugs containing the compound "oleum de serpens" are being sold to cancer patients
#994 The Life of Riley
3. prisoners fit in their parole hearings around their spa treatments
#997 [The Enemy Within] Not a Second Time
5. mandatory blunting of cutlery has increased the popularity of soup-based meals
#1016 Breaking Upset
5. emergency services don't respond to trailer park fires
#1017 A Cure for the Black Market
3. epileptic patients switch their medications to whichever has a 'buy one get one free' offer
#1018 Operation Failed
1. laser-wielding robots are taking aim at human hearts
2. laser-wielding robots are taking aim at human hearts
4. the doctor has cold hands
#1022 Failure to Respond
1. the "boy who cried wolf" policy makes sick people reluctant to call an ambulance
2. pocket dialling is a criminal offence
#1030 Looking Down in the Dumps
3. it's best not to ask what goes into @@CAPITAL@@ Fried Chicken's secret blend of herbs and spices
#1037 Ill Girl
4. muggers are complimented on their enterprising spirit
#1040 A Recipe for Success?
2. the secret ingredient is love (and MSG)
#1063 Playing It by the Numbers
3. sofas are perpetually on sales that Must End Soon
#1067 Don't Fear the Reefer
4. more citizens have access to Maxtopian Grass than clean drinking water
#1068 Made to Break
2. frequent broken zippers have resulted in safety pins making a fashion comeback
#1077 With Friends Like These...
2. primetime re-runs of The Black and White Minstrel Show are a critical hit
#1078 Down With That?
2. a shipwreck is everyone's fault but the captain's
#1101 Unreal
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ TV is considered cruel and unusual punishment in other countries
#1108 A Whiskey Rebellion Brewing
3. many whiskies taste suspiciously like automobile radiators
4. many whiskies taste suspiciously like automobile radiators
#1110 Curtains for the Horrorshow
2. the mood of raunchy movies is often ruined by the sound of babies crying
#1118 We Can't Cross That Bridge When We Come to It
3. apprentice builders get teased for wearing hard hats
#1165 Crosswords Beget Angry Letters
2. crossword puzzles have been co-opted as a symbol of racial discrimination
#1176 Haters Gonna Hate
2. blackface performers claim they are being deliberately ironic
#1196 The Properties of Property
2. a citizen who thinks a slave is a deadbeat is entitled to make the descriptor literally true
#1220 Barely Any Art
2. drawing men's naughty bits isn't considered to be art
#1224 Shine On, You Crazy Diamond
4. the nation's most "productive" diamond mine hasn't been operational for seven months
#1233 Get Real!
2. baiting is a national sport
#1234 I Declare a Thumb War
1. the government is under the thumb of countless special interests
#1245 Sheepish Students
1. school football matches are usually five-a-side
2. bemused schoolkids colour in their favourite quadratic equations with crayons
#1246 Breath of the Wild
4. the national symbol of @@NAME@@ is now always featured on a skewer
#1250 @@NAME@@'s Next Top Mohel
2. ceremonial zweihänders are used in holy rituals
#1262 Dead Tasty
3. there's a mortuary next to every @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ restaurant
#1263 Is the Signature Always Right?
2. political detractors refer to @@LEADER@@ as 'that Bigtopian puppet'
#1273 Lessons in Politics
2. a degree in @@LEADER@@ Science with a Minor in Awesomeology starts many political careers
#1277 Outside the Box
1. beating enemies to death with a baseball bat is legal if done within nine innings
#1286 Burning Over a New Leaf
3. autumn landscape paintings feature men stripping leaves from bare branches with a vacuum
#1289 Cramping Our Style
2. pharmacists increasingly claim they are morally obligated to take long lunches
#1293 Bet Your Life
3. grinning punters say that casino roulette is the greatest high that life has to offer
#1300 Fifth Column in the Fifth Chord
2. "Day of the Rope" is the top song of the summer
#1311 An Acquired Taste
2. people who have never eaten chicken are told it tastes a bit like crocodile
3. the military is plagued with unethical researchers
#1320 A Case of Poor Turnaround
2. savvy nightclub-goers know that structurally unsound venues sell the cheapest drinks
#1344 Ups and Downs
1. orthopaedics patients often have a bounce in their step
#1345 To Each According to Whatever's Left
2. produce labels read 'may contain traces of food'
#1364 Payday Groans
2. it's said that @@A@@ @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ always pays his debts with significant compounding
#1370 All Systems Post-Nominal
1. a PhD just ain't what it used to be
#1424 Here's Looking at Zoo, Kid
1. recapturing giraffes is proving to be a tall order
#1466 Don't Shoot Your Eye Out
4. gun shops sell hook hands and eye patches
#1469 News Flash!
3. political shows are fit for purpose
#1493 Bully Beef
2. exports of live cows arrive pre-roasted
#1516 Content Discontent
3. belief that @@LEADER@@ is a lizard-person from outer space has reached an all-time high

Removed by:

#73 @@NAME@@ - Without Cars, Going Nowhere Fast
1. the ban on cars has been repealed
2. the ban on cars has been repealed
3. the government is spending millions on alternative clean-burning fuels
#105 Compensation Culture Must End, Say Corporations
2. every product goes through extensive safety-testing by the government
3. manufacturers are sued for almost anything not covered in their catalogue-sized manuals
#179 Mad @@ANIMAL@@ Disease Outbreak!
1. the government has organised a nationwide cull of infected @@ANIMALPLURAL@@
4. farmers can be spotted driving gold-plated tractors
#188 Video Games Too Violent, Say Parents
3. only adults may purchase violent video games
#280 Oh the Humanity!
1. the airship business has been driven out of the country by strict regulations and high fines
#405 [An International Incident] Time for a Colonyoscopy!
2. Brasilistanis face layers of paperwork in a different language just to visit a doctor
#512 Furnished for Failure
1. clumsy self-injury is a viable claim in modern compensation culture
#538 @@LEADER@@, Let Your People Go!
1. over a third of the seats in sports stadiums have been removed to make room for female-only commodes
#544 Object-Oriented Programming
1. videogames like 'Equalia: Knights of Self-Confidence' are proving inexplicably unpopular
#547 Fantastic Beasts and How @@NAME@@ Harmed Them
4. the endangered saltwater humpback @@ANIMAL@@ is only seen in captivity programs
#553 Cede Our Seeds?
1. an epidemic of unpopped kernels causes movie goers to gnash their teeth
#625 Delivering the Goods
11. former customs officers are adjusting to their new lives as market stall traders
#641 Dirty Little Minds
1. corporate lawyers are switching careers to the more lucrative field of green politics
#652 Mayday! Mayday!
2. aspiring pilots must be personally vetted by the Minister of Transportation before receiving their license
3. planes can be grounded for months simply because an inspector "didn't like the color"
#702 Has Your Room Been Booked?
3. holidaymakers sleep curled up on the floor as hotel beds are replaced with oversized bookcases
4. holidaymakers sleep curled up on the floor as hotel beds are replaced with oversized bookcases
#710 Feudal Feuds
2. the serf suggestion box would work better if more serfs were literate
#732 A Peeping Problem
3. workers tend to schedule naps during all-hands meetings
#822 Never Work With Children
1. diaper ads feature vertically-challenged adults wearing bootees
#841 Burn Noticed
3. hospitals are cleaned with lemons and vinegar
#848 It's a Girl Thing
1. all children's clothes come in only cream and off-white to prevent offense
#871 It's Not Easy Being Red
2. people who question what bunker construction has to do with economic reform tend to disappear
#883 Who Let the Dinos Out?
1. romantic sunsets are no longer interrupted by explosions and monstrous roars
#887 Thin Skin
3. the Fashion Channel can only be viewed on widescreen TVs
#907 A Problem Shared
5. cars are allowed to drive in bike lanes
#927 Your Assignment, Should You Choose to Accept It
2. student exchange programs are in trouble as everyone wants to leave but no-one wants to come
#944 Deadly Persuasion
1. uploading purple prose to social media earns a place on a government watchlist
#945 Police on the Take
2. crimes are difficult to stop as most of the police force is stuck in traffic
#948 1x, 2x, 3x, a Lady
2. any girl that shows an interest in Lego is pressured to study engineering
#965 Like a Bull in a Dàguó Shop
1. foreign countries consider stepping on their grass to be a serious offense
#992 Robots in Disguise
3. NPCs in MMORPGs regularly interrupt cutscenes with OOC reminders that they aren't real people
#996 Scripting a Change?
3. the team in charge of creating a new writing system have spent months deciding whether or not to use serif or sans-serif characters
#1022 Failure to Respond
5. the "good old days" of road traffic accidents and smog-filled cities are back
#1058 LEEDing From Behind
2. the nation's green cities are indeed concrete jungles
#1063 Playing It by the Numbers
2. tuxedo rental companies are inexplicably going out of business
#1118 We Can't Cross That Bridge When We Come to It
1. construction workers evacuate work sites after finding sharp rocks on the ground
#1165 Crosswords Beget Angry Letters
3. solving crossword puzzles requires fluency in at least five languages
4. solving crossword puzzles requires fluency in at least five languages
#1181 Jolly Jousting Japes
2. motorbike jousters live young and die fast
3. motorbike jousters live young and die fast
#1220 Barely Any Art
1. masterpieces by male artists are on display in the dumpsters behind the gallery
#1310 Intimate Relations
7. excited Romeos drive all the way to the next village for a date
#1410 Lives On-Line
5. doctors fax when they need facts fast
#1440 Dungeons and Deaths
1. there's no escape from the rule of law... or police brutality
#1468 Meat With Approval
3. abattoirs are struggling with the directive to 'wait until the animal dies of a ripe old age'
#1485 How to Train Your AI
2. AI citizens are criticized for being robotic
#1505 A Tangled Web
1. guide dogs for the blind have been seen using government websites
#1514 Flushing for Freedom
3. it turns out that your missing Roomba has run off to join the circus

Sometimes removed by:

#7 Animal Liberation Front Strikes Again
4. meat is a luxury afforded only to the wealthy
#16 @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ Workers Strike!
1. the nation is ravaged by daily union strikes
#29 Minorities Demand Representation in TV Soaps
1. TV shows must meet strict ethnicity quotas
#33 Genetics Brings New Life to Extinct Species
3. genetic research is temporarily tied up in government red tape
#41 Software Giant Stomps on Competition
2. the government has begun breaking all large businesses into thousands of mom-and-pop general stores
#64 Put the "Board" Back in Board of Education
2. teachers are routinely tested to keep their jobs
#88 Cannibals Demand to Taste What @@NAME@@ Has to Offer
2. soylent products are an expensive commodity due to a lack of volunteers
3. there has been a series of riots between local cannibals and health food advocates
#90 Organic Outburst
1. all-natural foods are becoming a major fad
#106 Give the Red Light District the Green Light?
3. government-run brothels can be found on every street corner
#117 Stop the Suits, Say Surgeons
2. medical lawsuits are out of control
#119 Watershed Down?
2. Rupert Bear is considered to be the most risqué TV programme in @@NAME@@
#208 Mine Collapse Rocks @@NAME@@
1. mining safety laws are often more expensive than what's being mined
#280 Oh the Humanity!
3. the new hit series "@@NAME@@'s Got Trauma" has corporate executives fleeing the country
#323 Get Teens Out of MyFace?
1. it is now illegal for teens to view any sites except Club Kitten and My Little Donkey
#324 "Tourism Tanking!" Trumpet Tabloids
1. a new generation of aquariumless hotels are being built under government supervision
#327 No Rest for the Weary @@ANIMAL@@
1. retired racing @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ are served truffles for breakfast
#330 Supermarkets Gobbling Up All the Customers?
3. the government provides its citizenry with the same mass produced rations
#334 Blot Out Bauhaus?
1. builders spend more time negotiating "tasteful architecture" than on actual construction
#367 What's Their Beef?
1. fresh food is a thing of the past due to onerous testing standards
#413 A Shot in the Arm
4. science centers and state of the art laboratories are ubiquitous
#425 Teach Your Farmers Well
2. the Farmer's Almanac is the most popular college textbook
#433 The Worst Storm to Hit @@NAME@@ Since...Yesterday?
1. even doll houses and dog kennels have to be able to withstand rigorous earthquake testing
#440 Jumping the Sharknado
1. cinemas play art-house movies to ever-shrinking audiences as film critics rule the industry
#473 A-B-C, Easy as Don't Use Me
3. children are expected to carve their own toys
#477 Feeding Frenzy
1. school children across the country are staging hunger strikes to protest government-mandated salads
2. children use fake IDs to purchase candy
#483 Do You Want Fries With That?
3. all restaurants close before dinner time
4. pizza parlors have been replaced by lima bean cafes
#509 It Was Asbestos Times, It Was the Worst of Times
1. citizens are abandoning their homes en masse in a widespread panic over asbestos
2. new cases of Asbestosis are cropping up as quickly as hospitals can deal with them
#512 Furnished for Failure
3. the nation's reinforced coffee tables are constructed to survive an atomic blast
#514 Contract Killer
4. weight loss clubs that guarantee losing a stone a month are talking about misplacing rocks
#528 Privacy Concerns Reaching New Heights
4. geosynchronous satellites are now manned by unpaid interns
#530 Regenerative Permaculture Emergence
4. carrots are orange, apples are red and food waste is increasing
#542 What a Waste
3. nuclear physics is the most popular course at university
#544 Object-Oriented Programming
4. children play ring-around-the-rosey around bonfires of videogame cartridges
#547 Fantastic Beasts and How @@NAME@@ Harmed Them
1. poaching has been on the rise after animals from the nation's zoos were released into the wild
#550 10 Awful Crimes You Just Won't Believe!
4. social media sites go into shutdown for days at a time to censor user content
#558 Turning a Blind Eye?
2. blind dates tend to result in bruised shins
#563 Resistance Is Fertile
3. chickens frolic freely on swings and roundabouts in @@CAPITAL@@'s playgrounds
#574 One Small Step for Private Enterprise?
2. kids building model rockets in their backyard are grounded by Space Agency Rangers
3. 'To Regulate And Beyond' is the unofficial motto of the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Space Agency
4. falling satellites are regarded as a blessing from the gods
#575 Sick Days for Sick Waves
1. victims of limb-mauling industrial accidents are told to keep working with their remaining hand
2. victims of limb-mauling industrial accidents are told to keep working with their remaining hand
#583 Don't Be a Busk-Kill
5. contestants on @@NAME@@'s Got Talent are screened by the government to make sure that they actually have talent
#585 Are You Not Entertained?
1. swings are banned for being a danger to children
2. children need to wear helmets and safety harnesses before mounting a carousel horse
#591 Bait and Switch
1. maximum security fish farms leave caged salmon pining for the fjords
#604 Food Behind Bars
2. prisoners have been known to host cooking and home décor television shows
#608 Thrown Into Sharp Relief
1. doctors prescribe medicines but they rarely dispense hope or compassion
#618 The Jaws of a Dilemma
1. lifeguards are more concerned with watching for sharks than struggling swimmers
#635 Hey Kid, Have a Cigar
1. 50% of adverts on children's television are for clothes made of cotton wool
#639 No Country for Old Men
1. 100-year-old politicians are now a thing of the past
#649 Made in Maxtopia
2. restaurants are required to specify whether their toilet paper was made in @@NAME@@
#651 Black Days for @@NAME@@
3. bouncers at the door of the sweet shop warn five-year-olds not to cause trouble
#672 All Shook Up
1. morale within the seismologist community has hit rock bottom
3. coastal cities are being moved a dozen miles inland to reduce flooding risk
#674 Let Them Eat Rainbow Cake!
3. homophobia is off the menu
4. seats at the back of the bus are reserved for homosexuals
#687 Marriage by Proxy Server
4. no one can find a leaky faucet in @@NAME@@ anymore
#693 Bottled Up Problems
3. straight-edges are forced to collect rain water to avoid getting high off the water supply
4. health inspectors are seen eating black truffle fondue with their bottled water
#705 The Germ of an Idea
1. it is illegal to distribute Girl Guide Cookies without an advanced food hygiene diploma
3. sushi is sold on the black market
#716 Cheek to Cheek
1. airplane passengers have been known to stuff pillows in their jackets to get extra arm room
4. airplane passenger seat sizes and ticket prices are both first-class
5. in a desperate bid for cheap airfare @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ can be seen jogging in a rubber suit just before flying
#724 Your Stuff Is Forfeit
2. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ caught jaywalking often have their houses seized by the police
#726 Jobless Fair
5. three-year-olds have tantrums because they don't want to be drainage technicians when they grow up
#728 A Bone to Pick
2. ice-filled coffins are ominously positioned in the corner of every hospital ward
#739 In Loco Parentis
3. fifteen-year-olds cannot walk younger siblings to school without a professional Childcare and Education Certificate
#751 @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ Breed Contempt
3. condos feature wall-mounted cages containing endangered animals
#754 The Hit Parade
1. the voyages of obsolete star-trekking satellites on deliberate escape orbits are only just beginning
2. there's never enough space in space
#757 Extra Credit?
1. lending money has become a major liability
3. credit scores fluctuate wildly with every change of government
#770 Vaping Up a Storm
1. sniffer dogs are trained to follow clouds of fruity-smelling vapor
#774 Clean Switch
3. janitors and factory workers are often better educated than the bosses they work for
#778 Mal Appetit!
3. the year's most anticipated show is "Great Deals on Delicious Meals"
#786 Tainted Tattoos
1. sales of disinfectant wipes have skyrocketed
#787 Come Fly With Me?
1. airplane passengers who purchase "basic economy" tickets are often assigned seats in the lavatory
#801 Animation Provocation
1. Tom and Jerry cartoons have cat and mouse resolving their problems with reasoned discussion
#811 Get Baked
1. cotton candy made from genuine cotton cellulose doesn't quite satisfy
#820 These Heels Weren't Made for Working
1. police officers often head to work wearing onesies and fluffy pink bunny-slippers
#821 A Switch in Time Kills Nine
3. it is illegal to have the wrong clock time showing on your microwave oven
#822 Never Work With Children
3. teenage TV characters are played by thirty-year-olds by the end of the second season
#823 Where the Sun Don't Shine
3. doughnut-makers claim their products are healthy because they are fortified with vitamins
#825 Bugging Out on Beef
3. cricket farmers use magnifying glasses to fit every member of their herd with tiny tracking tags
#843 Quacking Up
1. medical experts advise that those claiming to be medical experts are probably fraudsters
3. the acceptance of acupuncture and other alternative therapies has needled the scientific community
#851 Commercial Tidings Well in Advance
3. retail boutiques encourage citizens to honor their military veterans by purchasing flag-patterned underwear
4. retail boutiques encourage citizens to honor their military veterans by purchasing flag-patterned underwear
#857 Are You There God Particle? It's Me, @@LEADER@@
1. schoolchildren must pass a six-month Ethics and Safety Committee Assessment before they are allowed to mix baking soda and vinegar
#859 A Cola by Any Other Name
1. a burger chain recently changed its name to Mack Donaldz for legal reasons
#866 O Medication, Where Art Thou?
4. government agents stalk the aisles of grocery stores for out-of-stock medications
#869 I'll Be in My Bunker
2. property subletting is going underground
#875 They See Me Trollin', They Threatenin'
2. internet moderator is one of the most popular jobs among the nation's more socially awkward citizens
3. internet moderator is one of the most popular jobs among the nation's more socially awkward citizens
#882 Death by Chocolate
1. school lunches are made with hypo-allergenic wood pulp
3. children aren't allowed to chew their pencils until they get home from school
#883 Who Let the Dinos Out?
3. monster hunters with oversized swords roam the land
#887 Thin Skin
2. fashion models are guaranteed to be 100% genuinely as anorexic as they appear on magazine covers
#888 Criminal Patterns
3. schoolchildren are arrested for possessing sidewalk chalk without a permit
#893 Bread is the Stuff of Strife
1. restaurateurs put a lot of effort into persuading customers to accept wafer-thin mints
#898 Two's Company, Three's a Crowd, Four's an Uprising
2. slaves who produce weapons are given free samples
#899 Uncultured Singles in Your Area
1. the law forbids arson, murder, and low-quality cheese
#901 You Buy That?
1. immersive video game experiences are interrupted by incessant disclaimer pop-ups
#910 A for Effort
1. marine biology students are shocked to discover that a whale is a mammal
2. hidden bedroom-cams are installed to catch mothers doing their kids' homework
#922 I'll Have What She's Having
2. Brancalandian Brie isn't available anywhere in @@NAME@@
#925 Ring of Death
3. kids these days know how to throw a proper punch
4. kids these days know how to throw a proper punch
#927 Your Assignment, Should You Choose to Accept It
1. parents are relieved they no longer need to help with their kids' algebra homework
3. just as students finish their homework it's time for school
#929 Champagne in the Glass
1. the new Liquor Legitimacy Office is besieged with job applications from people who have experience in "statistical sampling methods"
3. alcoholics are lauded as national benefactors within the halls of the Ministry of Finance
#933 A Gun in Every Hand and a Tank in Every Garage?
4. international terrorists often get their weapons supply in @@NAME@@
#941 Scents and Sensibility
4. workers can choose whether they prefer offices that smell of pungent body odor or whale vomit
#948 1x, 2x, 3x, a Lady
1. Maths Professor Barbie is the most popular toy for boys and girls alike
#955 Can It!
3. adverts proclaim it has to be healthy if the Mornay uses hand-grated Gallopavian Gruyère
#957 Putrid Predicament
1. commuters are denied boarding for attempting to bring packed lunches onto trains
#967 Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics
1. grade school teachers mark homework with red "CITATION NEEDED" stamps
#968 @@NAME@@ Falls Flat in Singing Contest
4. light entertainment shows are light on actual entertainment
#970 For Want of a Nail
5. pre-takeoff checks last longer than the flights themselves
#975 Paparazzi Parents
1. obstetricians are not allowed to publish ultrasound pictures of fetuses in medical journals
#979 A Patronising Statement
1. the nation's best artists are considered pretty easy to beat
#991 Alms and Qualms
1. money that should have gone to charities is instead spent on monitoring them
#993 Drug Deal
2. doctors accused of having no heart reply that cardiology isn't their speciality
#994 The Life of Riley
1. prison reforms have replaced communal luaus with communal loos
#996 Scripting a Change?
1. textbooks are exactly twice as heavy as they used to be
#1008 Wash Your Mouth Out!
1. kids refer to anything below the neck as "the parts that shall not be named"
#1012 Tilting at Wind Turbines
1. small children are learning a lot of new words from a teacher with Tourette Syndrome
#1017 A Cure for the Black Market
2. there are traffic jams at sea as diligent customs officers check every part of every ship
#1018 Operation Failed
3. arthritic surgeons with tremulous fingers reassure patients that they are in safe hands
#1026 Size Matters
2. many believe that @@LEADER@@'s head is big enough for the sun to orbit around it
#1040 A Recipe for Success?
1. coffee cups have grown in size to accommodate the huge ingredients list
#1058 LEEDing From Behind
1. the volume of paperwork used to complete a single environmental assessment defeats the purpose
#1060 Hole in the Wall
1. protecting the land is holey work
#1063 Playing It by the Numbers
1. you need a signed affidavit from a registered psychiatrist to claim that you have crazy low prices
4. the government is expanding hungrily in its conquest of bread
#1064 Culture Wars
1. practising saying 'how now brown cow' is an essential part of holiday planning
#1068 Made to Break
1. supermarkets must refund spoilt milk even six months after the sale
#1076 Smokers Cornered
1. the contraband cigarette trade is lighting up across @@NAME@@
#1078 Down With That?
1. captains must wait until all rats are safe before jumping ship
3. ship captains always order a return to port at the slightest sign of rain
#1081 The Queen in Yellow
1. insanely good theatre productions face government censorship
#1083 Public Protesting Pawnbroker Pickpockets
2. selling your granddad's clothes requires an incredible amount of paperwork
#1086 Fun in the Sun
3. surfing lessons include how to ward off sharks
#1101 Unreal
1. a rolling news ticker tape of disclaimers runs across the bottom of the screen on all TV shows
#1108 A Whiskey Rebellion Brewing
1. a handful of megacorporations own every "craft brewery" in the nation
#1110 Curtains for the Horrorshow
1. forty-year-old men are asked for their ID before watching the latest pony cartoon movies
3. Bambi has been banned
#1117 Suffer Little Children
3. a sudden shout of "surprise!" does not herald a party for teachers
#1138 Shock Tactics
2. fat-shaming is now public policy
#1151 Gotta Go Fast
3. workers of "fairweather faith" claim six months of paid leave for holy days per year
#1165 Crosswords Beget Angry Letters
5. the government-run newspapers insist that everything is fine
#1169 An Old Head on Young Shoulders
2. crayon squiggles were a late addition to the works of the Renaissance Old Masters
#1179 Nothing Fishy
4. fly fishermen are legally forbidden from using electronic lures
#1181 Jolly Jousting Japes
5. noble feuds don't end until one side gets their point across
#1196 The Properties of Property
1. new "Worker's Strike" laws set out who is allowed to strike a worker
#1208 Just Snoring With Excitement
1. high school bands practice by moonlight
4. sleeping on the job is recommended
#1210 Big Tobacco in Big Trouble
3. class action lawsuits have gone up in smoke thanks to government interference
#1212 Lost at Sea
2. one-man canoes fitted with the latest tracking technology leave no room for one man
#1214 Blood Type: Gay Positive
4. gay men commonly complain about their time of the month
#1219 Vat Is a Serious Problem
1. the law says that all @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are created equal — no matter how they were created
#1221 Man of the People
2. politicians can be condescending (which by the way means "showing an attitude of patronising superiority")
#1224 Shine On, You Crazy Diamond
2. bargain-hunting is considered unpatriotic
3. bargain-hunting is considered unpatriotic
#1227 Girls on Film
4. the government asks not what you can do for your country but what you can do to tidy their country homes
#1234 I Declare a Thumb War
4. treaties are taken to be mere rules of thumb
#1243 Kicking Back
1. orange is the new black for judicial robes
#1250 @@NAME@@'s Next Top Mohel
1. most barbers are also surgeons
3. millions are awarded in damages for bad haircuts
#1255 This Lady's Not for Turning
3. the only thing that can pin down a "superhero" is red tape
#1262 Dead Tasty
2. the dessert 'Death by Chocolate' isn't the most lethal dish on the menu
#1264 Flooding the Market
1. lobbyists are trying to convince government to recategorize most natural disasters as "non-critical naturogenic inconveniences"
#1273 Lessons in Politics
1. evenings at university debating societies often end with everyone acknowledging both sides may well be right
#1277 Outside the Box
2. rugby players that knock each other over always stop to make sure the other fellow is okay
#1278 A Textbook Cover-Up?
2. history textbook pages are used as impromptu tissues by distraught students
#1289 Cramping Our Style
1. things are looking up for patients accidentally prescribed erectile dysfunction medication
#1297 What Are You Hiding in Your Genes?
1. couples kissing on the street are detained for 'unlawful exchange of genetic material'
#1300 Fifth Column in the Fifth Chord
1. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ cut of Apocalypse Now sets the helicopter scene to eerie silence
#1320 A Case of Poor Turnaround
1. public toilets are famed for their rear entries
#1331 Warning, Fatigue
2. aeroplane cockpits no longer have altimeters or airspeed indicators
#1343 Feeling Down
1. pilots always remember to send their doctors a Maxxmas card
3. the flight attendant who draws the short straw is on "cockpit bucket duty"
#1349 You Must Be 18 Years or Older to View This Content
5. getting your license is a rite of passage for young adults
#1361 Fundamental Rights
1. parents dread their examinations more than their children
#1370 All Systems Post-Nominal
2. children must be board certified to append "Jr" to their name
3. professionals are ready to retire by the time they receive permission to use their credentials
#1409 Happy Pranksgiving!
3. producers insist that movie stars wear crash helmets in every scene
#1410 Lives On-Line
4. hospitals fear government fines more than terrorist ransoms
#1426 She's a Keeper
3. sports fans complain that cricket tests now last an unbearable ten days
#1434 Blood on Your Nuts
2. Big Agriculture has the government by the nuts
#1441 Don't Burn Baby Don't Burn
3. toast never burns but always has a weird chemical taste
#1451 A Dread Letter
3. neighbourhood gossips whip up controversy about those receiving adult merchandise
#1469 News Flash!
1. TV coverage of music festivals consists mostly of backstage interviews
2. viewers get headaches from trying to read the screen full of small print warnings that precede most TV shows
#1472 Home Is Where the Lung Is
3. home renovation projects take decades to complete
5. jumping in puddles after rainstorms has become an indoor activity
#1474 Cuy Bono?
1. eating kids as food has been enshrined in law
#1500 Rodents of Unusual Sociability
1. goldfish bowls are three metres in diameter
#1505 A Tangled Web
2. cat memes without alt text are now illegal

fear of technology

Gained from:

#41 Software Giant Stomps on Competition
3. citizens frequently whisper of the Internet as 'the domain of the devil'
#57 Electronic Plague in @@NAME@@!
4. the recent ban on computers is causing havoc throughout the nation
#82 AI Researchers Rally for Android Rights
3. computers have been banned
#193 Robots Leaving Workers Jobless
4. the loom represents the height of @@NAME@@'s technology
#317 Big Brother Is Watching You Surf
3. the government is rounding up computers and beating them into plowshares
#335 Log Us Back On
3. computers are widely considered to be the "devil magic of heathens"
#539 All My Bits Are Belong to You
4. the nation has reverted back to an agrarian society after anything more advanced than the wheel was banned
#821 A Switch in Time Kills Nine
2. meetings are often scheduled for "about four-ish" following complete conversion to sundials
#1356 The Silicon Curtain
5. the nation has become both the largest producer and consumer of abaci in @@REGION@@

Removed by:

#228 Mice in the Walls
1. nerds everywhere are rejoicing as they are reunited with their computers
3. computers are allowed but only just
#1042 Failure to Launch
2. carpal tunnel syndrome is on the rise
#1267 Hamming It Up
5. email killed the radio star
6. email killed the radio star

feral children

Gained from:

#374 Lion Dad Sparks Child-Rearing Sentiment
4. society has literally been thrown to the wolves
#1418 The High Life
3. stray dogs and children root through the trash for snacks

Removed by:

#383 Born to Be Just a Bit Too Wild?
1. children are shocked to find others "just like them" when they are taken out of the forest
2. soldiers are noted for their ferocity and illiteracy

flagrant waste-dumping

Gained from:

#356 @@NAME@@ in the Time of Cholera
2. the nation is loathed abroad for dumping all of its waste in international waters
#641 Dirty Little Minds
4. corrupt industrial practices are spreading like a plague

Removed by:

#480 One Nation's Trash Is Another Nation's Trash
1. landfills fill the land
2. the government is trying to clean up all the rubbish that has washed up on the shores of Bigtopia and Marche Noire

free-roaming dinosaurs

Gained from:

#474 Mesozoic Park
1. sexually-starved male dinosaurs terrorise tourists during weekly breakouts from Mesozoic Park
3. idyllic countryside scenes see border collies herding sixty-ton dinosaurs
4. local councils have to call in dump trucks to clear parks of dinosaur droppings
#556 Here Be Dragons?
3. failed genetic experiments wreak havoc as they roam the countryside
#655 No Bones About It
4. the army is spending millions cloning khaki-colored dinosaurs

Removed by:

#883 Who Let the Dinos Out?
3. monster hunters with oversized swords roam the land

frequent executions

Gained from:

#11 People Request Not So Much Dictatorship, if That's All Right
1. political activists are routinely executed
#12 Death Penalty on Agenda
1. the death penalty has been reintroduced
#44 No Pain, No Gain!
3. people regularly disappear off the streets and all evidence of them is destroyed
#46 Jennifer Government Censorship Row
1. Jennifer Government is banned
#56 "Give Us Money!" Quoth the Poet
3. poets and writers are regularly rounded up and shot for entertainment
#58 Violent Violetists Demand Blood!
3. a crusade against barbaric religious practices has begun
#59 Drunk Driving on the Rise
2. drunk drivers are sentenced to death
#70 Purge the Infidels!
1. citizens who fail to follow the official national religion are executed
2. citizens who fail to follow the official national religion are executed
#98 Police Want More Than Shiny Badge
2. citizens are regularly shot for parking on the double-yellow line
#111 Southern @@NAME@@ Demands Semi-Autonomy
3. protesters against the government are hanged as a warning to others
#151 Build Bigger Bombs, Advise Scientists
4. all weapon research has been banned
#159 Think Tank Proposes Privatised Prisons
3. criminals are executed and their property seized
#175 Is @@NAME@@ Too Promiscuous?
1. adultery has been made a capital offence
#196 Violent Violetists Protest Artists
1. government-sponsored gallows are being erected by Violetist temples
#207 Secret Police in @@NAME@@?
3. the police force is rumoured to be made up of evil shadows with no souls
#218 Two Mommies One Too Many?
3. homosexuality is a crime punishable by death
#219 Nobody Expects the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Inquisition!
3. atheists and evolutionary biologists are fleeing the country like rats from a sinking ship
#220 Voter Apathy Rising but No One Cares
3. citizens who refuse to vote are guillotined
#229 Government Saturated in Corruption
1. politicians accepting drinks in bars are executed for taking bribes
#237 Tourists on Death Row
3. drug-related crimes carry the death penalty
#239 We Who Are About to Die Would Rather Go Home
3. criminals are thrown to the @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ to repay their debt to society
#243 A Question of Faith
4. open-heart surgery is taught in seminaries
#251 The Trouble With Hobos
4. citizens who become homeless are immediately executed
#299 Some Like It Hot; Others Don't
4. the state has declared war on the environment and environmentalists by association
#313 Conscientious Objectors Want You... To Let Them Abstain
2. conscientious objectors are hanged as traitors
#314 An Affair to Remember?
3. bloodthirsty zealots regularly participate in the Friday Night Stoning of Adulterers
#347 Crime Problems Ganging Up on @@NAME@@
1. rap artists are regularly arrested for promoting extremist groups
#351 The Cost of Freedom
3. violent criminals are doomed to be hunted by a psychotic billionaire
#363 The Apotheosis of @@LEADER@@?
5. failure to pay the thrice-daily homage to the divine @@LEADER@@ is punishable by death
#372 The Coming of the Commissars
4. police wait behind troop deployments in order to shoot deserters
#451 A Proselyte to Burn
2. the nation's new religious police burn blasphemers on bonfires of their own books
#461 If at First You Don't Succeed...
4. a wide-ranging purge of leading officials and family members is being carried out by @@LEADER@@
#475 Where Have All the Flowers Gone?
3. firing squads regularly execute dissidents
#496 Rock 'n' Roll Suicide
2. attempted suicide is punishable by public hanging
#526 Any Idea Where the Law Is, Bessie?
1. rural citizens live in terror of their local village constable
#533 Hearsay Heresy
3. the strong are acquitted and the weak are trampled in trial by @@A@@ @@ANIMAL@@
#536 Any Witch Way Spells Disaster
1. women who can do math in their head are burned for witchcraft
2. bands of adventurers rove the countryside searching for monsters
#549 Feasting or Fasting?
1. hundreds of teenagers die every year at the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Hungry Games
#571 Family Feud
2. entire families swing in the wind at the national gallows
#598 A Violet Trojan Horse
3. burning members of the Order of Violet is the nation's favorite pastime
#604 Food Behind Bars
5. corrective labour camps either end political dissent or kill the dissenters
#611 Blundering Battle Bureaucrats
2. heavily-armed commandos play rock-paper-scissors over whether to execute criminals and foreign visitors
#625 Delivering the Goods
8. policemen want to put the nation's homosexuals up against a wall
#658 A Sickening Dilemma
2. sneezing in public is a capital offense
#695 How to Succeed in Business Without Really Paying Taxes
3. anyone claiming to be a messiah is promptly put to death
#703 Divine Decoration
4. the hills are alive with the smell of burning flesh
#710 Feudal Feuds
1. a serf by any other name works just as hard
#738 Cruel or Unusual?
2. an eye for an eye leaves @@NAME@@ blind
#746 [The Enemy Within] There's a Place
5. nobody dares to so much as wear violet-coloured clothing in public
#794 [@@CAPITAL@@gate] Fear and Loathing in @@CAPITAL@@
1. citizens patriotically sing the government's praises while glancing nervously over their shoulder
#795 [@@CAPITAL@@gate] Lock Him Up!
1. critics of @@LEADER@@ literally can't find their head on their shoulders
#799 A Political Cock-Up
2. unpopular politicians are often caught between a rock and a hard place
#817 Back-Alley Blues
4. women who miscarry have their death-masks displayed in the Wax Museum's "Sociopaths and Serial Killers Exhibit"
5. women who miscarry have their death-masks displayed in the Wax Museum's "Sociopaths and Serial Killers Exhibit"
#870 @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Literally Exploding With Excitement
3. the government is encouraging violence on television
#898 Two's Company, Three's a Crowd, Four's an Uprising
3. slavers view "what did your last slave die of" as a request for a demonstration
#913 Couped Up
2. the practice of capital punishment proves divisive
#919 The Meaning of Life
2. prison overcrowding is being addressed with a series of short sharp shocks
#949 Jailhouses Rocked!
2. the military conducts 'training exercises' in prisons
3. the military conducts 'training exercises' in prisons
#986 Poacher Pandemic
4. environmentalists have found an unusual ally in soldiers of fortune
#1014 Unreasonable Doubt
1. you can say what you like about the genocidal murderers that rule @@NAME@@ but at least the trains run on time
#1053 Some Enchanted Evening That Was
4. there is no such thing as an innocent fling in the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ military
#1150 Back Lash Backlash
3. extraordinary rendition is nothing out of the ordinary
#1162 She's Always a Woman to Me
2. taking a walk on the wild side is punishable by death
3. taking a walk on the wild side is punishable by death
#1219 Vat Is a Serious Problem
5. the government prevents violence by committing genocide
#1222 Family Matters
3. police nightsticks see use all day long
#1263 Is the Signature Always Right?
3. people who make the leader's blood boil get boiled
4. people who make the leader's blood boil get boiled
#1274 No Room Left for Asylum Seekers
3. the nation is a world leader in martyrs per capita
#1284 How to Choose the Chosen One
1. children are encouraged to fail at school so as not to appear too enlightened
#1308 One in the Oven
1. the government makes bereaved siblings into bereaved orphans
#1512 The Door's Unlocked, Let Yourself In...
3. Lady Justice has swapped her blindfold for steel-capped boots

Removed by:

#311 Victims Demand Their Pound of Flesh
3. condemned prisoners spend hours a day sitting in lotus position looking perplexed
#318 Death Penalty on Death Row?
1. prisoners work-share to cut down rising costs of keeping them in jail
#631 The Violet Mile
7. international humanitarian organisations are applauding the government for ending the death penalty
#806 Unlicensed to Kill
3. under doctor's orders @@LEADER@@ is going on a diet and abolishing capital punishment
#828 Your Execution in 30 Years or Less or You're Free
5. the Violet Mile now refers to the long line-ups that former death row inmates wait in as they transfer to maximum security prisons
#835 The End Is in Sight?
4. the nation's apology for those it has executed in the last year has come a little late for some
#1241 Return Statement
4. lobotomised jaywalkers can barely ambulate let alone repeat their offences
#1332 We Won't, We Won't Rock You
4. an opal a day keeps the negative thoughts at bay

hatred of cheese

Gained from:

Sometimes gained from:

#2 Reclaim the Streets!
2. bicyclists are banned from major roads
3. the automotive industry soaks up huge government handouts
#4 Economic Collapse Looms!
1. all industry is owned and run by the government
#8 Nudists Demand Time in Sun
2. public nudity is compulsory
#9 @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ on the Dinner Table?
2. a nation-wide cull of @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ is in effect
#10 Social Inequality Reaching Embarrassing Levels
1. the streets are increasingly clogged with poverty-stricken beggars
#19 @@NAME@@ Awash With Red-Rimmed Eyes
2. all recreational drugs are legal
#23 Uranium Deposit Promises to Enrich @@NAME@@
1. the country's famous rainforests are being bulldozed by the mining industry
2. the country's famous rainforests are being bulldozed by the mining industry
5. the mining industry is making inroads into environmentally sensitive areas
#24 Budget Time: Accountants Excited
4. citizens are enjoying a recent large cut in taxes
#37 Traffic Cops Needed on Information Superhighway?
2. the country has unplugged its internet connection to prevent subversive content
#39 Scandal Rocks @@NAME@@'s Government!
4. government officials frequently cut taxes as a distraction from antics with their secretaries
#41 Software Giant Stomps on Competition
3. citizens frequently whisper of the Internet as 'the domain of the devil'
#49 Diving for @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@
1. the government seizes all major gold finds
#53 Orbital Armageddon?
1. billions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are being blown on orbital weapons development
#57 Electronic Plague in @@NAME@@!
4. the recent ban on computers is causing havoc throughout the nation
#61 Should the Government Grant Estates and Titles of Nobility?
1. society and government have been organized according to a feudal hierarchy
#67 Most Likely to Secede
1. territories have the right to secede if they aren't happy
#69 Power Problems Need Bright Solution
1. prime real estate is devoted to wind farms and solar energy generators
2. vile black smog from coal power plants has enveloped several major urban centres
3. protesters are up in arms over new nuclear power stations
#73 @@NAME@@ - Without Cars, Going Nowhere Fast
1. the ban on cars has been repealed
2. the ban on cars has been repealed
3. the government is spending millions on alternative clean-burning fuels
#74 @@NAME@@'s Racers Growing Fast and Furious
1. the @@NAME@@ Automotive Racing Series draws millions of spectators annually while those near the tracks complain about the noise
#76 Suits in Protest
4. local executives are seen on the corner with cardboard signs reading "will oppress the masses for food"
#90 Organic Outburst
2. a survey of the nation's rivers and children has shown that pesticide levels are at an all-time regional high
3. people are moving into treehouses in record numbers
#95 Painful Prices Paid at the Pump
1. pristine wilderness has been trashed in the quest for cheaper oil
#100 Road Rage Rampage
1. traffic jams are a common sight due to construction work from a massive overhaul of the nation's freeways
#102 For Whom the Road Tolls
2. new urban roads are threatening city parks
#104 Public Loudspeakers Shrill With Controversy
3. ad-blocking has been nationalised
#110 Too Low on Laws, Say Citizens
2. the land is famous throughout the region for its rampant lawlessness
#118 Need for Speed?
1. the roads are notorious throughout the region for their peril
#133 When @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ Attack!
1. misbehaving @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ deemed dangerous to the public are shot and hanged by the town hall as a warning to others
#135 A Taxing Dilemma
1. government officials have to mortgage their homes to make ends meet
#138 Keep the Greenbelt Green, Say Protesters
1. private businesses are paving paradises to put up parking lots
2. the government is paving paradises to put up parking lots
3. environmental protestors are being rounded up and taken away in sinister black vans as a massive land development campaign gets underway
4. environmental protestors are being rounded up and taken away in sinister black vans as a massive land development campaign gets underway
5. there's a shortage of swinging hot spots as land development grinds to a halt
#139 Drug Debate Hits the Streets
3. zombie-like crowds of hard drug users stumble through the streets
#140 A Grave Problem
3. houses and businesses are bulldozed to make way for ever-expanding cemeteries
#147 Military Budgets Up for Approval
5. military service is compulsory
#151 Build Bigger Bombs, Advise Scientists
1. citizens live in superstitious fear of the mysterious glowing clouds that float over @@NAME@@
2. the nation has recently been attributed to the funding of terrorist organisations
3. the nation has recently been attributed to the funding of terrorist organisations
#156 Waste Going to Waste, Says Industry Lobby
3. heavy industry must go to expensive lengths to dispose of waste
#157 Sergeants Are Too Nasty, Say New Recruits
4. newborns are being raised as mindless killing machines
#170 Deserts Devouring @@NAME@@'s Countryside
3. @@NAME@@ has become a gigantic dustbowl filled with tourists and mean desperados
#173 Women Demand Equal Opportunities
3. mostly women are seen and not heard
4. men are expected to stay home to fix funny noises in the attic
#174 Maternity Leave a Must, Say Mothers
2. all mothers are allowed six months fully-paid maternity leave
#178 Free Press Too Free?
2. truth is often impossible to tell from fiction on the evening news
#192 Coup d'Etat in @@NAME@@!
1. the national government has been dissolved by revolutionary insurgents
#193 Robots Leaving Workers Jobless
1. almost all products in @@NAME@@ are hand-crafted due to strict employment laws
4. the loom represents the height of @@NAME@@'s technology
#195 Right of Way or Wrong of Way?
1. public footpaths are being slowly eroded by the burgeoning number of ramblers
3. all footpaths have tollbooths
#200 Birds, Bees, and Breeding Teens
7. young girls often attend the same schools as their children
#203 Suffer the Starving Children?
1. the government has been kicking out foreign corporations in a bid to grow enough food for the populace
#206 @@NAME@@ Narrowly Misses Nuclear Accident
5. nine out of ten citizens of @@NAME@@ answered 'nuclear safety inspector' when asked their occupation
#209 Students Demand Financial Aid
4. closed universities are currently being converted into McRonald's restaurants
#213 Bus Drivers Say No to Double-Decked Deathtraps
2. the carcasses of double-deckers can be found littering high streets all around the country
3. the public transport system has been eliminated
4. the public transport system has been eliminated
#215 Easter Egg: What's Your Favourite Colour?
1. the nation's favourite colour is red (@@EGG@@)
#216 Eminent Domain: Inherent Right or Daylight Robbery?
1. eminent domain has been abolished
#221 Outdated Tax Code Crushing @@NAME@@?
1. the government is in utter turmoil following the recent abolishment of the tax code
#223 Easter Egg: Zombie Attack!
1. the nation has a strict 'no marauding undead' law (@@EGG@@)
6. the undead roam the streets and countryside at night (@@EGG@@)
#224 Minimum Wage War
2. unemployment is through the roof after the government enacted living wage laws
#228 Mice in the Walls
4. it is firmly believed that cameras steal souls
#231 Jungle Fever
2. rice shortages have risen after paddy fields were drained to combat malaria
4. DDT is used widely to repel disease-carrying insects
#234 Corruption in the Lobby
1. corporate lobbying has been outlawed
#235 From Green Pastures to Grey Wastelands
4. agricultural science is the most competitive subject at universities
#241 A Capital City for @@NAME@@?
3. all government facilities are built in the subterranean citadel of @@CAPITAL@@
5. the government has adopted a more thrifty attitude to administrating the country's needs
#245 Clash of Cultures
6. the word 'foreigner' is considered a highly vulgar expletive
#248 The Sky Is Falling
5. aeroplanes have been converted into housing units after all air travel was outlawed
#254 Freedom Comes at a Price
2. employers are gradually adapting to the alien premise of paying wages to their workers
#255 Welfare Programs Not Faring Well
5. the government enforces a policy of 'from each according to their ability, to each according to the available budget'
#261 Plastic, Plastic Everywhere
3. scenic tours are unheard of after most environmental laws were abolished
5. scenic tours are unheard of after most environmental laws were abolished
#263 Wind Farms Blowing Up a Storm
1. renewable energy projects have ground to a halt
#265 To Bail or Not to Bail?
3. businesses that prove successful are immediately broken up
#283 Wealthy Flee to Tax-Free Havens
1. expats return home to a government devoid of social and environmental agencies
#285 A Right Not to Work?
2. police and sick people alike fear the Day of Rest as all institutions are forced to shut down
#286 A Whale of a Problem
2. seafood restaurants assure customers 'If it lives in the sea, it's on our menu'
#292 Tourists Wearing Out Their Welcome?
5. tourists need only sign on the dotted line to become citizens
#299 Some Like It Hot; Others Don't
1. grazing lands are filled with cattle wearing odd-looking anti-pollution devices
3. surfers ride tsunamis of record height and toxicity
4. the state has declared war on the environment and environmentalists by association
#304 Time for Paternity Leave, Say Dads
2. companies struggle to cover for the hordes of employees on parental leave
#305 Who's Occupying What?
3. businesses are forced to bring all work back within the nation's borders
4. the military is blowing up any threat to employment within the nation
#308 Over, Under or Through?
1. @@NAME@@ Barrier Island residents anxiously await their 'Bridge to Somewhere'
#317 Big Brother Is Watching You Surf
3. the government is rounding up computers and beating them into plowshares
#319 Sizing Up the Competition
3. businesses are scrambling to adapt to the government's mandate that 'time and measurement no longer exist'
#323 Get Teens Out of MyFace?
4. computers are used primarily for word processing and solitaire
#335 Log Us Back On
3. computers are widely considered to be the "devil magic of heathens"
#338 The Silence and the Fury
2. most people suffer from some form of hearing loss
#339 The Bear Necessities
1. workers have seized control of the economy
#340 Defending Patent Pending
1. corporate innovation has effectively ended since ideas can no longer be owned
#341 Where in the Woods Is Cindy SanFrancisco?
5. groups of three or more trees are cut down in the name of 'child safety'
#344 Trash Talk
5. tumbleweeds made of litter adorn city streets
#346 Oil's Well That Ends Well
4. Ollie the Oiled Seal welcomes throngs of tourists to the newly opened Oil Oasis Water Park
#353 Broadband Going to the Birds?
3. stray cats threaten the fledgling avian-based internet
#355 Alien Invaders
4. the government's official position on invasive species is 'who cares?'
#368 Female Workers Feeling the Pinch
4. harassment has been stamped out under the high-heeled jackboots of a matriarchy
#374 Lion Dad Sparks Child-Rearing Sentiment
4. society has literally been thrown to the wolves
#379 Stakes on a Plane
1. homeowners are evicted to make way for new runways
2. planespotters are emigrating in droves
3. billions are being spent on a new island airport
#389 [An International Incident] Sanctions, Sanctions Everywhere!
1. toilet paper is considered a non-essential item in the embargo against Brasilistan
#414 Subpar Suburbs
4. towns that stop turning a profit are turned into animal sanctuaries
#416 Prophet Margins
3. @@LEADER@@ is refusing to make decisions until the Moon is out of Capricorn
#428 Crop Circles Clutter @@CAPITAL@@
2. forecasts predict rains of loose lead and mortar shells for the next six weeks
#429 No Representation Without Taxation?
3. factories grind to a halt every time there is an election
#433 The Worst Storm to Hit @@NAME@@ Since...Yesterday?
4. cruise liners are being requisitioned and filled with zoo animals as @@NAME@@ braces for "Le Grand Deluge"
#437 Blue Screen of Economic Death
4. necklace theft is the nation's fastest-growing crime
#441 You've Got a Friend in Bee
3. foreign governments are looking into weaponizing the infamous @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ bee
4. foreign governments are looking into weaponizing the infamous @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ bee
#442 You Can't Always Get What You Squat
3. a performance of the hit musical "Mamma Tua" has been delayed after squatters were found sleeping in the orchestra pit
#443 Five Year Plans and New Deals
2. strategic economic sectors are controlled by the state
#445 Evasive Maneuvers
2. companies flee the nation rather than pay their fair share of taxes
#449 A Big Fracking Problem
1. pollution is on the rise along with government approvals of fracking projects
2. pollution is on the rise along with government approvals of fracking projects
4. @@ANIMAL@@ sanctuaries have been taken over by hydraulic fracturing sites
#454 Don't Stead on Me!
1. hordes of gardening enthusiasts are being banished from cities nationwide
4. food imports have skyrocketed after the recent 'Forage for Food' program severely backfired
#462 Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me
2. the installation of street lights across remote goat tracks has left citizens bemused
3. astronomers are flocking to @@NAME@@ to take advantage of its clear night skies
4. the native owl population is in permanent hibernation
#470 Tide Stops for No Man
1. scenic beaches are now protected by massive concrete walls
4. the government spends twice as much reclaiming lost settlements from the sea as it could've on coastal defences
#474 Mesozoic Park
1. sexually-starved male dinosaurs terrorise tourists during weekly breakouts from Mesozoic Park
4. local councils have to call in dump trucks to clear parks of dinosaur droppings
#479 @@LEADER@@, Put on the Yellow Light
1. tardiness has increased after carpooling was classified as a criminal offense
#481 Social Equality Reaching Embarrassing Levels
2. the universal wage level is set by dividing GDP by the number of citizens
5. occupational wage levels are based on a crumpled napkin authored by a legendary @@CAPITAL@@ bus driver
#486 An Impressing Dilemma
1. confused drunks wake up to irate drill sergeants whipping them into shape
#489 Standing at Attention
4. handsome young men are forced into uniforms by their dominant elders
#490 The Long and Winding Halls of @@CAPITAL@@
1. auditors are gutting every governmental department
2. the government regularly publishes lengthy reports on its own excessive recordkeeping
#505 Florists Blooming Mad
1. the nation's once beautiful countryside has turned brown as farmers spray potent pesticides
4. Maxtopians are both starving and giddy after the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ military unleashed its biological weapons
#507 Would a Rochebaron by Any Other Name Smell Just as Sweet?
2. the government has declared victoria over the cheese menace
#512 Furnished for Failure
2. a mountain of discarded sofas and beds is incinerated every day
#521 The Wreck of the Edward Fitzpatrick
3. model railroad hobbyists have taken to muscling model shipbuilders off their "turf"
#525 Nowhere to Go!
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have replaced bears in a popular idiom
#526 Any Idea Where the Law Is, Bessie?
2. motorway service stations often have a higher population than the hinterland villages that the roads lead to
3. illegal moonshine operations get taken out with laser-guided airstrikes
#527 The Body Politic
1. cities in @@NAME@@ declare independence based on interpretation of the historic meaning of cave paintings
#530 Regenerative Permaculture Emergence
2. possession of tomato seeds with intent to garden is a criminal offence
3. possession of tomato seeds with intent to garden is a criminal offence
4. carrots are orange, apples are red and food waste is increasing
#546 Dumpster Divers Dividing Denizens
2. giant no-kill traps baited with Bapst Red Ribbon and vintage bicycles have been popping up in back alleys nationwide
#548 Appointment of a Science Advisor
2. every new toxic waste dump comes with a seal of approval from the government's science advisor
#549 Feasting or Fasting?
3. applications to enter seminaries spike right before the obligatory fasts
#553 Cede Our Seeds?
3. eerie glow-in-the-dark cornfields give farmlands an uncanny appearance
#556 Here Be Dragons?
3. failed genetic experiments wreak havoc as they roam the countryside
#560 Bicameral Backlash
2. @@LEADER@@'s power is effectively nullified as no bill becomes law without the upper house's support
#563 Resistance Is Fertile
4. subsidisation of Big Pharma has stopped many corporate executives from having to sell their second homes
#565 'A' Is for Academic Doping
4. the nation's school children are fluent in Klingon but lack basic mathematical skills
6. the nation's school children are fluent in Klingon but lack basic mathematical skills
#569 Grand Prix de @@NAME@@?
1. crocodile roadkill is smeared across the asphalt of the new Formula One track
2. crocodile roadkill is smeared across the asphalt of the new Formula One track
4. the automobile industry is sitting up and taking notice of the new 24 hour race events... as are the track's sleepless neighbours
5. the automobile industry is sitting up and taking notice of the new 24 hour race events... as are the track's sleepless neighbours
#575 Sick Days for Sick Waves
3. sea side cafes are required by law to close during summer
#583 Don't Be a Busk-Kill
4. funerals are often rudely interrupted by juggling clowns shouting for volunteers from the audience
#590 When Trees Hug Back
4. @@NAME@@'s growing economy feeds on the nation's ever-declining greenery
5. @@NAME@@'s growing economy feeds on the nation's ever-declining greenery
#591 Bait and Switch
4. sushi just hasn't been the same since salmon went extinct overnight
#593 A Right to Bare Arms?
4. fathers are free to sell their daughters to whomever they choose
#599 Dead in the Water
1. oil rigs in winter are heated by contained oil slick fires
2. oil rigs in winter are heated by contained oil slick fires
4. the dead fish in the national rivers aren't decomposing because even bacteria can't survive the levels of toxicity
#623 Maison d'Être?
5. disputed territories across @@REGION@@ are being claimed by @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ college students
#627 The Bee-Ginning of a Catastrophe?
2. suspicious glow-in-the-dark wasps remain a source of terror and awe
3. suspicious glow-in-the-dark wasps remain a source of terror and awe
#628 Only @@LEADER@@ Can Prevent Forest Fires
1. forest fires have dropped dramatically as there are hardly any forests left
4. disaster relief budgets are growing like wildfire
#630 This Green and Pleasant Land
2. the working classes live and die on the fields of the farming communes
#634 Bullet Time
2. farmers are complaining that the buzzing and the sparks from the nearby MagRail are blighting their crops
3. vital infrastructure development is on hold because of 'nature and stuff'
#640 A Clear-Cut Conundrum
2. East Lebatuck tests its moon rovers in the barren wasteland of rural @@NAME@@
#641 Dirty Little Minds
1. corporate lawyers are switching careers to the more lucrative field of green politics
#647 Songbirds' Decline Ruffles Feathers
4. it is a silent spring in @@NAME@@
#649 Made in Maxtopia
3. there are no bananas today in @@NAME@@
4. where your food came from is an unknowable mystery
#651 Black Days for @@NAME@@
2. commemorative mugs remembering last year's Black Friday Crockery Riots are a best seller this year
#664 Your Land or Mine
1. no-one can foil the ambitions of Big Aluminium
#666 A Microchip on Your Shoulder
3. truancy levels are on the rise ever since school registers were banned
#667 One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Recyclable
3. unused plastic recycling bins are being dumped into landfills by the tonne
#668 How to Examine Your Testees
2. school children asked "what is two times two?" are likely to form a symposium to discuss how different answers make them feel
#669 Watts Up With Rooftop Solar
1. panels from bankrupt rooftop solar companies are used as props for sci-fi B-movies
3. smog in @@CAPITAL@@ is so bad that fresh air bottles are sold by street vendors
#672 All Shook Up
3. coastal cities are being moved a dozen miles inland to reduce flooding risk
#675 Trick or Treaty
1. citizens cannot change their light bulbs without approval from an international committee
2. the industries of @@NAME@@ are coughing all the way to the bank
3. carbon-footprint restrictions are making businesses walk
4. toxic smog is dismissed as the populace just "letting off steam"
#676 Down the Rabbit Hole
1. wigged-out hunters report playing croquet with the Queen of Hearts
#680 The Fault Is in Our Stars
1. a full moon at night lets economists sleep tight
#681 @@NAME@@'s New Year's Resolution: Lose Fewer Limbs
3. a firework a day does not in fact keep the doctor away
#685 Externalities Palmed Off
2. both diets and economic output are growing leaner with recent restrictions to free trade
5. the government is purchasing vast amounts of palm oil for plastics production
#697 Conventional Wisdom
3. @@LEADER@@ has taken to wearing medal-adorned military uniform in all public appearances
#699 Pipe Down, Already!
5. poverty is disloyal to the Motherland
6. the nation's water should not be ingested while operating heavy machinery
#705 The Germ of an Idea
1. it is illegal to distribute Girl Guide Cookies without an advanced food hygiene diploma
3. sushi is sold on the black market
#706 A Walk in the Park
2. citizens complain about a burning sensation after bathing
#713 Life in the Bike Lane
3. it is common to still see adults with training wheels on their bikes
#714 Milky Ways
5. only rebellious teens who want to look cool and dangerous drink milk in public
#717 Cheques and Balances
2. @@LEADER@@ sports gold-plated grillz to promote the government's hard money policy
3. @@LEADER@@ sports gold-plated grillz to promote the government's hard money policy
#726 Jobless Fair
1. extreme hiring regulations mean a job in @@NAME@@ is often a lifetime appointment
#727 Market Crash
2. historic buildings are being demolished to allow for road-widening in the city centre
4. businesses are abandoning the city centre because of the lack of transport connections
5. the sidewalk is used as an overtaking lane by city drivers
#732 A Peeping Problem
3. workers tend to schedule naps during all-hands meetings
#733 The Path Less Traveled
1. exorbitant spending on icebreakers breaks the ice at every budget meeting
2. exorbitant spending on icebreakers breaks the ice at every budget meeting
6. aggressive promotion of global warming puts polar bears on thin ice
#737 Bird-Brained Diplomacy
2. the military will start wars with other nations on a lark
#740 [The Enemy Within] A Day in the Life
3. the nation has been sent to bed early for unspecified naughtiness
#751 @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ Breed Contempt
2. gardeners must genetically test weeds for unique traits before digging them up
3. condos feature wall-mounted cages containing endangered animals
#758 Bye Bye to the Birdies?
2. the weather in @@CAPITAL@@ is always 'pigeons with a chance of droppings'
#762 Double Down on Double Time?
3. tumbleweed drifts through the nation's shopping centres during the weekends
#766 Carbon Emissions Are Why We Can't Have Nice Things
3. the carbon tax fund gladly supplies warm blankets when the poor can't pay their heating bills
#769 How to Print Money?
3. most @@CURRENCY@@ coins are riddled with bite marks
5. the barter economy has taken over as the @@CURRENCY@@ has become worthless
#772 Do You Have Artistic License?
2. ten-year-olds are applying for lemonade stand operator licences
#774 Clean Switch
4. immigrants complain that natives keep coming over and taking their jobs
#778 Mal Appetit!
1. those who don't have a bean to spend don't know a bean about Brasilistanian coffee beans
#784 The Driving Force
4. many believe climate change is a liberal media fiction
#804 Motivational Posters
3. rubber stamp emojis are the new craze
#808 Big Trouble in Little Dàguó
2. the government supplies ragtag bands of resistance fighters in exchange for vague promises of future payment
#809 So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
3. neighboring nations are tired of @@LEADER@@'s big fish stories
4. neighboring nations are tired of @@LEADER@@'s big fish stories
5. the single fish caught by @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ fishers last year is cited as evidence of @@NAME@@'s thriving fisheries
#814 A Topic of Ethical Import
2. vats of anabolic steroids are being dumped into the ocean to make @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ mussels the biggest in @@REGION@@
#815 Embargoed In
3. there is a law against "filthy foreign food"
#816 A Hot Topic
2. the Forestry Department has decided you really can't fight fire with fire
3. government employees from @@NAME@@ dominate international lumberjack competitions
4. government employees from @@NAME@@ dominate international lumberjack competitions
#821 A Switch in Time Kills Nine
2. meetings are often scheduled for "about four-ish" following complete conversion to sundials
#823 Where the Sun Don't Shine
4. women find themselves saying "my eyes are up here" more often than they used to
#825 Bugging Out on Beef
4. diners regard burgers made from mechanically reclaimed cow protein as "proper meat"
#826 Licensing Driving @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Crazy
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ visiting rural Southern @@ANIMAL@@ Village can get their driving records clean for a small fee
#827 Making Money Hand Over Fist
2. CEOs are forced to cut coupons during important conference calls to make ends meet
#829 Winning at Battleship
1. ships are encouraged to deliberately run aground onto @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ beaches
#851 Commercial Tidings Well in Advance
5. citizens who want to celebrate the holidays generally deck the halls with old newspaper trimmings and dirty socks
#860 A Blast From the Past
1. the tools of the trade for landmine clearance appear to be copious amounts of gasoline and a box of matches
#863 Oiling the Wheels of Diplomacy
1. the country is rumored to be a Brancalandian puppet state
4. the government is proud to report that ten percent of all tax revenue goes to funding suspected terrorist organizations
#871 It's Not Easy Being Red
1. the tragedy of the commons is being tested nationwide but everyone says it's somebody else's problem
#881 Blooming Out of Proportion
1. antique comic book collectors are disappointed to hear that their treasures are worth exactly as little as their mothers said they were
#882 Death by Chocolate
1. school lunches are made with hypo-allergenic wood pulp
#884 You're Psychotic, @@LEADER@@
6. they say insanity is torturing the same citizens over and over again and expecting a different result
#888 Criminal Patterns
1. road signs are getting harder to read under layers of knitted woolen cardigans
#892 The Old Metric
1. an extra hand on the leg will give a horse-and-a-half of lead in a hundred jiffies on seven furlongs
#893 Bread is the Stuff of Strife
2. bread-gangs raid restaurant waste bins to stockpile uneaten rolls
#895 Stop Training and Start Coaching
1. the "temporary replacement bus service" is now a permanent fixture
#900 Piracy on the High Trees
5. the only place where one can see the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ cherry tree is in a museum
#904 Yours Insincerely
1. the government only invests in infrastructure after a natural disaster
#907 A Problem Shared
5. cars are allowed to drive in bike lanes
#923 Ministers Exposing Themselves
2. citizens who plan overseas vacations are barred from running for political office
#936 Hackable Elections?
1. foreign governments are threatened if they so much as mention the word "election"
2. write-in candidate '@@LEADER@@ Sucks' is perennially popular
#937 Ebony Pride
2. everybody's got wood thanks to @@LEADER@@
#938 A Little Gift From a Friend
2. citizens are yearning to leave @@NAME@@ for the countries it sends aid to
#950 Borderline Pandemic
4. hotels often double as quarantine zones
#951 The Wrath of the Fish King
1. fish with fish chips have become the new @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ food staple
4. the idiom 'there are plenty of fish in the sea' isn't so reassuring to @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@
#955 Can It!
4. there's a bustling black market for vegetables
5. there's a bustling black market for vegetables
#957 Putrid Predicament
1. commuters are denied boarding for attempting to bring packed lunches onto trains
2. onions have been banned due to their tendency to cause eye irritation
#974 Siren Song
2. the banshee wail foretells skies of death
#976 Demonic Possession Getting You Down?
3. foreign militaries are taking a particular interest in the nation's abandoned borders and cities
#996 Scripting a Change?
4. the libraries of @@NAME@@ are staffed by lone, lonely librarians
#1002 The Call of Nature
2. there are fifty shades of yellow in outdoor swimming pools
3. there are fifty shades of yellow in outdoor swimming pools
4. allergy-sufferers must wear gas masks before venturing outdoors
#1005 What Goes Up Breaks Down
4. the nation's air defense strategy is two-dimensional
#1006 Opening the Door to Controversy
4. movement-triggered sensors mean that for every door that closes another one opens
#1013 Grave Disease
4. people across the world seek to be healthier by eliminating carbs
#1030 Looking Down in the Dumps
2. millions of simultaneously backfiring toilets have flooded @@CAPITAL@@ with effluent
#1038 Maid to Order
4. it is believed that behind every great man is a terrified subservient woman
#1047 Rivers of Blood
2. the newest shade developed by @@NAME@@'s dye industry has been dubbed 'Agent Orange'
3. the rainbow assortment of chemicals in the water has turned the frogs gay
#1056 Time to Work?
1. businessmen walk out of meetings halfway because their shift is over
#1058 LEEDing From Behind
3. the nation's endangered species are no longer endangered
#1060 Hole in the Wall
3. official maps have to be revised on a weekly basis
#1061 Every Day I'm Muffling
2. it's not just poseurs who wear oversized sound-cancelling headphones as they walk the city streets
#1063 Playing It by the Numbers
4. the government is expanding hungrily in its conquest of bread
#1065 Pulling Out
1. citizens are strongly encouraged to breathe less so as to limit the carbon footprint
5. the nation has learned that pulling out is messy
#1068 Made to Break
2. frequent broken zippers have resulted in safety pins making a fashion comeback
3. state-manufactured hammers and sickles are here to stay
#1069 Bowl Motions
2. the roar of the Niagara 3000 mega-loo can be heard several blocks away
#1071 Up the Creek
3. the canal flows through the land like a twisty turny thing
4. the nation excels at displacement
5. the nation excels at displacement
#1073 Much Ado About Everything
3. this year's comedy award has left mothers-in-law seething
#1083 Public Protesting Pawnbroker Pickpockets
1. thrift shops are closing their doors
#1095 Make the Cut
4. kids only know what plants are because they've seen them on the television
#1103 Dàguó Takeaway
3. the government confiscates candy from babies for 'the greater good' of the nation
#1112 Stray Bullets
3. the domestic version of the Paddington Bear movie was a far shorter and bloodier tale
#1130 Flash Crash Cash Dash
2. the only thing slower than the economy is the exchange where it's managed
4. the stock market has been destroyed for its own protection
#1133 Rocky Road
3. an increasing number of citizens believe the world is flat
4. an increasing number of citizens believe the world is flat
#1134 Tariff-ic Trouble
1. a widely accepted trade policy is "tit-for-tat"
#1151 Gotta Go Fast
3. workers of "fairweather faith" claim six months of paid leave for holy days per year
#1160 Milking It
1. more than one company makes the board game Monopoly
#1164 What a Gneiss Place We've Got Here
2. an underground group of geologists hides new discoveries to protect them from being destroyed in the name of safety
#1179 Nothing Fishy
2. ports have ground to a halt as no boat can reach them without trespassing
#1181 Jolly Jousting Japes
2. motorbike jousters live young and die fast
3. motorbike jousters live young and die fast
#1182 Thanks, but No Thanks
3. immigrants don't even have to immigrate to cost the locals their jobs
#1183 Bloodied but Unbowed
3. female brains are believed to heat up dangerously when 'overclocked'
#1195 All Hands on Tap!
1. the government has officially clarified that "wee on your hands to save time" does not count as proper hygiene
#1202 A Timely Intervention
3. the well-to-do in @@REGION@@ are never on time for important appointments
#1208 Just Snoring With Excitement
4. sleeping on the job is recommended
#1213 The War of Man and Beast
4. the nation's iron imports are booming
#1216 Not My Government
4. an iron curtain has descended around the nation
#1219 Vat Is a Serious Problem
5. the government prevents violence by committing genocide
#1224 Shine On, You Crazy Diamond
5. people have become comfortably numb
#1225 The Rumors, They Fly
2. children are encouraged to chase pigeons
#1242 Jump Leads
5. the incidence of wrist sprains is falling
#1245 Sheepish Students
4. the wealthiest parts of the country receive the most government spending
#1246 Breath of the Wild
2. the cycle of extinction and rebirth is never ending
3. the old neighbourhood isn't how most @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ remember it
#1275 You Cruise, You Lose?
3. photos of picturesque coastal buildings are set against a backdrop of smokestacks and ship hulls
#1278 A Textbook Cover-Up?
3. a petition to improve @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ literacy is mostly signed with cross-marks
#1286 Burning Over a New Leaf
4. polychromatic seas of leaves blanket the ground while sewers and drain pipes are clogged by their detritus
5. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ wonder "if a tree falls in the woods with no credible witnesses, who wants to know?"
#1290 Why Didn't the @@ANIMAL@@ Cross the Road?
2. coat closets are being re-branded as bedrooms
3. @@LEADER@@ has declared a weed sticking through a crack in the sidewalk to be the nation's newest green space
#1298 Ranchers Get Thrown to the Wolves
1. cowboys often wear wolfskin jackets to the saloon
#1311 An Acquired Taste
4. gaping tourists take long-distance photos of diseased natives on "indigenous peoples" safari tours
#1327 Which Right Is Right?
3. people often complain that they're going in circuitous routes all the time
#1328 Not-So-Friendly Fire
4. children happily laugh and play on their way to school during air-raids
#1331 Warning, Fatigue
1. power stations shutting down at night has made bedtime reading tricky
#1348 Heaven Can't Wait
5. above @@NAME@@ there is only sky and the fear of the unknown
6. above @@NAME@@ there is only sky and the fear of the unknown
#1356 The Silicon Curtain
5. the nation has become both the largest producer and consumer of abaci in @@REGION@@
#1357 Scattered Showers
3. space has been brought down to earth with constellations of cancer cases across @@NAME@@
#1368 Parking Hell
2. parking's carefree without parking car fees
#1385 [MADness] Skycrash
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have become death, the destroyer of worlds
#1386 [MADness] The Spy Who Tricked Me
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have become death, the destroyer of worlds
#1390 [MADness] Spectrum of Solace
6. corporations have to consult a fifty-page "sanctions spreadsheet" to determine which countries they are allowed to do business with
7. corporations have to consult a fifty-page "sanctions spreadsheet" to determine which countries they are allowed to do business with
#1405 [MADness] Spectrum of Solace
4. trade ministers have to consult a fifty-page "sanctions spreadsheet" to determine which countries they are allowed to do business with
5. trade ministers have to consult a fifty-page "sanctions spreadsheet" to determine which countries they are allowed to do business with
#1412 Another Day, Another Dollar
3. the @@CURRENCY@@ is worth its weight in gold
4. purchasing a can of Addison Cola requires a wheelbarrow of cash
#1415 The Melting Point
3. people are always complaining about dam builders running behind schedule
#1420 Trading Climate Sours
1. @@LEADER@@ arrives at international summits with a white cane
3. attempts at growing pineapples in the desert have been unsuccessful
#1432 Oh Dear
1. if you go into the woods today you're sure of a big surprise
#1435 A Hot Potato
3. farmers in arid regions are puzzled with government directions to plant rice this year
#1443 Forage and Forget
2. foragers descend on national cemeteries for 'all-you-can-dig-up' extravaganzas
3. money grows on trees
#1452 Hello Darkness My Old Friend
2. the government enables frack addiction
3. noises of neighbourhood generators have pierced the sound of silence
#1453 A Salt and Battery
1. the environment is gorgeous so long as you're looking up
#1454 Poplar Opinion
3. biological warfare is used to solve small disagreements
4. dandruff and athlete's foot are seen as signs of physical beauty
#1455 Trademarks Make Their Mark on Marketing
3. at least 4 unique companies in @@NAME@@ claim to sell Eckie-Cola
#1459 Friends With Tax Benefits
3. unemployed accountants keep double-entry ledgers of their benefit claims
#1463 Sandbagging
1. half-submerged and flooded seaside hotels are technically still next to the beach
2. the treehouse in @@ANIMAL@@ Park is the tallest building in @@NAME@@
3. birdsong in the mountains has to be loud enough to drown out nearby jackhammers
4. residents of houses built on a foundation of wishful thinking are prone to an odd sinking feeling
#1471 @@LEADER@@ and the Lost Chamber of Vetoes
5. the legislature has come out as bicameral
#1473 A Pretty Pass
2. the government has to take out its Visa to eliminate visas
#1501 Diamond in the Rough
4. spotted owl meat is used as bait to lure wolves into traps
#1502 Dirty Deals
1. coastlines are giant slag heaps
3. work stinks
4. work stinks
#1506 A Need for Order
2. @@LEADER@@ is strangely popular with male politicians' wives
#1509 Parks and Aggravation
2. certain national parks offer tanning beds because the visitors never go outside
3. certain national parks offer tanning beds because the visitors never go outside
#1513 Bunged Up
2. the Treasury has been accused of flushing money down the toilet
3. shipping canals are a bit like unimaginative cheese shops -- filled with debris

Removed by:

#460 Salt of the Earth
1. the looming peasant rebellion has been called off after farming was legalized

Sometimes removed by:

#2 Reclaim the Streets!
1. cars are banned
#4 Economic Collapse Looms!
1. all industry is owned and run by the government
2. the government is attempting to revitalize a gutted private sector
3. the government is attempting to revitalize a gutted private sector
#7 Animal Liberation Front Strikes Again
3. vegetarianism is compulsory
#9 @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ on the Dinner Table?
3. the @@ANIMAL@@ is a protected species
#19 @@NAME@@ Awash With Red-Rimmed Eyes
1. marijuana is legal in the privacy of your own home
#23 Uranium Deposit Promises to Enrich @@NAME@@
3. tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests
4. tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests
#30 Auto Industry Struggles Against Foreign Imports
2. there are no minimum wage laws
#31 Get Efficient, Private Sector Tells Nature
1. citizens must pay to enjoy @@NAME@@'s pristine beaches
2. citizens must pay to enjoy @@NAME@@'s pristine beaches
3. a government program is underway to revitalize @@NAME@@'s beaches
#36 International Community Comes Doorknocking
4. the government extracts trade concessions from poor nations in exchange for humanitarian aid
#60 Supreme Court Nomination
1. the judicial branch is strongly influenced by major corporations
6. @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ have more rights than the average citizen
#63 Tykes With Tools?
3. adult unemployment is rising as available jobs are filled by young children
#69 Power Problems Need Bright Solution
1. prime real estate is devoted to wind farms and solar energy generators
2. vile black smog from coal power plants has enveloped several major urban centres
3. protesters are up in arms over new nuclear power stations
#75 Cutting Off Sex Offenders?
4. convicted felons are forced into slavery for their crimes
5. convicted felons are forced into slavery for their crimes
#83 High-Speed Monorail Service Promises Connections
3. a vast monorail network carries people all over the country
4. a vast monorail network carries people all over the country
#89 "Don't Dam Our Rivers, Damnit!" Say Protesters
1. flash floods that dams could have controlled regularly ravage small towns in mountain valleys
2. scenic mountain valleys are flooded with water as damming projects get underway
#90 Organic Outburst
1. all-natural foods are becoming a major fad
#95 Painful Prices Paid at the Pump
2. the government is spending millions on renovating the public transportation system
#97 Landfills Filling Up
1. space shuttles regularly launch rubbish into space
2. cities are engulfed by smog
4. waste is frequently shipped to other countries
#102 For Whom the Road Tolls
1. motorists must pay to enter inner-cities during peak hours
3. cars have been banned
#103 Plague of the Hybrids!
1. wildlife near farms is slowly becoming extinct
#115 @@NAME@@'s Schoolchildren Not Learning the Lingua Franca
1. citizens are expected to be proficient in at least five languages
#118 Need for Speed?
2. the average commuter spends four hours a day driving to and from work
#124 To Paint or Not to Paint?
1. the studies of art and philosophy are banned
3. only the brainiest citizens become academics
#126 Outsourcing an Outrage, Say Demonstrators
3. corporations are either above the law or corrupting it
#127 Aging Concerns in @@NAME@@
1. retiring citizens are dragged away in the middle of the night by mysterious men in black suits
#129 Tribal Troubles
1. large sections of @@NAME@@ have been named national reserves to protect the native tribes living there
#135 A Taxing Dilemma
2. the sound of wooden legs echo throughout @@NAME@@ after the recent introduction of the Foot Tax
#138 Keep the Greenbelt Green, Say Protesters
5. there's a shortage of swinging hot spots as land development grinds to a halt
#140 A Grave Problem
2. cremation is compulsory for the deceased
#152 A Capital Idea
1. the government has returned all business to private ownership
3. the government has legalised small-scale capitalism
#154 Ban the 'Boards, Say Pedestrians
3. skateboarding is the only legal way to travel
#156 Waste Going to Waste, Says Industry Lobby
1. @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ with strange deformities like three eyes and tentacles have been seen prancing through the countryside where industrial waste is dumped
2. the nation's drinking water tends to glow green at night
3. heavy industry must go to expensive lengths to dispose of waste
#165 Wedlock Worries
3. all marriages are arranged by the government
#170 Deserts Devouring @@NAME@@'s Countryside
1. mysterious black helicopters menace farmers to ensure compliance with straitjacketing agricultural policies
2. owning a tractor is widely regarded as an essential prerequisite to most government positions
#184 Compulsory Military Service Under Attack
1. the military struggles with recruitment
#193 Robots Leaving Workers Jobless
2. businesses often fire workers in favour of cheaper automatic systems
3. manual labourers must be willing to have cybernetic limbs to get a job
#194 A Request for Military Aid
3. the country has been 'going shopping' by annexing nearby nations for their resources
#205 No More Broccoli, Beg Meat-Eaters
3. the consumption of vegetables is illegal
#209 Students Demand Financial Aid
1. the number of students attending university has reached a record high
3. it's normal to start working life with crippling financial debt
#213 Bus Drivers Say No to Double-Decked Deathtraps
5. @@NAME@@'s heavy congestion charges are the bane of motorists' lives
#216 Eminent Domain: Inherent Right or Daylight Robbery?
2. the government has the power to seize property at will
3. the government seizes private property for the 'good of the people'
#226 Expats Plea for Help in War-Torn Country
4. the world outside is only known of in folklore
#228 Mice in the Walls
1. nerds everywhere are rejoicing as they are reunited with their computers
#234 Corruption in the Lobby
2. Tesco was recently named as the new national treasurer
#238 We Need a Few Good Men Who Like Men?
5. the nation is constantly threatened with invasion but at least homosexuality in the military isn't a problem
6. the nation is constantly threatened with invasion but at least homosexuality in the military isn't a problem
#250 Recession, Depression, and Deficit
1. the country spends an increasingly large amount of its budget on grand scale projects of pharaonic proportions in a bid to boost the economy
#254 Freedom Comes at a Price
3. the booming slave trade is now government-funded
#261 Plastic, Plastic Everywhere
1. shoppers have literally had their hands full since plastic bags were banned
2. the nation's industries are scrambling to switch to biodegradable plastics
4. the entire retail industry has been replaced by online delivery services
#263 Wind Farms Blowing Up a Storm
2. the countryside is shrouded by wind farms
#264 Not a Drop to Drink
1. fewer people are bathing as citizens must show ration stamps before they can turn on their faucets
2. almost all of @@NAME@@'s water is piped into the country from abroad for exorbitant prices
#265 To Bail or Not to Bail?
1. the government is spending billions of taxpayer @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ to support "struggling" industries
#273 Is Our Children Learning?
3. the state believes that children are what you make of them
4. the state believes that children are what you make of them
#278 Relief Is Coming... In Four to Six Weeks
1. contrails and thunderous rumbles have returned to the skies above
#286 A Whale of a Problem
1. people are arrested for looking too sternly at whales
#290 Wheels of Misfortune
4. heavy industry grinds to a halt as new equipment must be biked in
#292 Tourists Wearing Out Their Welcome?
3. tourists outnumber citizens two to one
4. tourists outnumber citizens two to one
5. tourists need only sign on the dotted line to become citizens
#294 Ghost Riders on the Sly
3. laws are littered with references to cheese
4. laws are littered with references to cheese
#299 Some Like It Hot; Others Don't
1. grazing lands are filled with cattle wearing odd-looking anti-pollution devices
2. a punitive tax has been placed on harmful emissions
4. the state has declared war on the environment and environmentalists by association
#301 Are 'Friends' Electric?
3. the country is at the forefront of a 'peacekeeping' mission to secure power plants in war-torn Maxtopia
#302 Delivering Mayhem in Thirty Minutes or Less!
1. many feel that the government's ban on cars to combat reckless driving was "a tad excessive"
4. legions of police officers force people to move into massive urban apartments
5. legions of police officers force people to move into massive urban apartments
#304 Time for Paternity Leave, Say Dads
1. many working fathers have never seen their children
4. most mothers are forced to quit their jobs to care for infants
5. most mothers are forced to quit their jobs to care for infants
6. mandatory daycare is provided by the government
#305 Who's Occupying What?
2. millions of devastated 7-year-olds are denied astronaut and ballerina training
#308 Over, Under or Through?
4. island residents must resort to canoes and sailboats to get to work
#319 Sizing Up the Competition
1. teams of painters are converting road signs from horse lengths to kilometers
#335 Log Us Back On
1. teenagers haven't been seen outdoors since the nation reconnected to the Internet
#339 The Bear Necessities
3. the economy is undergoing a traumatic transition to capitalism
#342 This Land Was Made for You and Me
1. the new Refuse Hills housing development is under construction
5. residents of newly dried out bays live in fear of leaky dikes
#343 Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?
3. mandatory electronic currency is a boon for credit card companies and government surveillance
#344 Trash Talk
1. litter collection has replaced fast food as the most popular after-school job
2. daisy chain gangs plant flowers and pick up litter
3. the Hanging Gardens account for half of @@CAPITAL@@'s water use
4. the Hanging Gardens account for half of @@CAPITAL@@'s water use
#346 Oil's Well That Ends Well
1. oil executives can be seen reluctantly cleaning oil-soaked birds
3. wind farms are erected on shuttered oil platforms
#355 Alien Invaders
1. the government keeps introducing new foreign species to combat the previous ones it has introduced
3. invasive species are hunted by the gendarmerie
#366 Prosecute Stolen Valour, Says Military
3. soldiers have swapped their uniforms for prisonwear
4. soldiers have swapped their uniforms for prisonwear
#370 The Unbearable Lightness of Government
1. money is being desperately pumped into the ruined economy
2. the government's economic policy is "sort it yourself"
#379 Stakes on a Plane
1. homeowners are evicted to make way for new runways
3. billions are being spent on a new island airport
#384 Out of the Royal Frying Pan
1. governments opposing @@NAME@@ are beset by rebels
#390 [An International Incident] An Unstable Situation
1. the nation's armed forces are recruiting thousands to help colonise Brasilistan
#400 [An International Incident] Insurgents Resurgence
1. 'Coloniser-in-Chief' has become @@LEADER@@'s new moniker
#405 [An International Incident] Time for a Colonyoscopy!
3. "To Hell or to Marshland" is a common settler cry directed at native Brasilistanis
#414 Subpar Suburbs
1. town welcome signs list corporate sponsors
4. towns that stop turning a profit are turned into animal sanctuaries
#424 You Just Sank My Battleship!
4. veterans are directed into environmental cleanup operations
#425 Teach Your Farmers Well
2. the Farmer's Almanac is the most popular college textbook
#431 Gone a Stray!
3. animal control is going door-to-door releasing all pets back into the wild
#441 You've Got a Friend in Bee
1. there has been a rapid increase of noise complaints over the sound of buzzing bees
2. EpiPen sales have skyrocketed
5. the government takes agricultural advice from a wasp-themed superhero
#445 Evasive Maneuvers
1. corporations claim the third ounce of any metal traded in a wicker-cone on the Sunday of a full moon as a charitable expense
#446 In the Land of Milk and Money?
3. breast milk lattes are the newest fad among hip urbanites
#449 A Big Fracking Problem
1. pollution is on the rise along with government approvals of fracking projects
2. pollution is on the rise along with government approvals of fracking projects
3. drills and shovels have been banned as the government cracks down on any means of fracking
#459 Murder, He Shouted!
2. @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ facilities are being turned into @@ANIMAL@@ habitats
#462 Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me
1. disadvantaged neighbourhoods have become no-go areas after sundown
3. astronomers are flocking to @@NAME@@ to take advantage of its clear night skies
4. the native owl population is in permanent hibernation
#470 Tide Stops for No Man
3. the logging industry is celebrating as tourists plaster @@NAME@@ with trees
#479 @@LEADER@@, Put on the Yellow Light
4. conspiracy theorists allege @@CAPITAL@@'s new subway map resembles Satanic symbols
#483 Do You Want Fries With That?
4. pizza parlors have been replaced by lima bean cafes
#495 Beloved "Planet" Has Gone to the Dogs
3. the nation's leading climatologists are investigating animal flatulence in efforts to reduce methane emissions
#497 The Widening Gyre
1. the once prosperous capital is in utter decline
3. city-dwellers are forcibly moved to farming communes in the countryside
#505 Florists Blooming Mad
2. criminals and college students are taking an interest in the government's new weed-killing program
#507 Would a Rochebaron by Any Other Name Smell Just as Sweet?
1. the lactose-intolerant are force-fed cheese products with predictably gassy results
3. there is an abondance of ackawi and zartschmelzend in every @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ grocery store
#521 The Wreck of the Edward Fitzpatrick
2. the average cargo freighter spends more than half its service life undergoing safety inspections
#522 Time to Get Serious
2. maintaining economic growth is no laughing matter
#523 A Family Affair
3. government-sanctioned speed mating is rife with Party-sanctioned abuse of power
#528 Privacy Concerns Reaching New Heights
3. citizens have to dodge their neighbors' drones while getting the morning paper
#530 Regenerative Permaculture Emergence
1. @@CAPITAL@@'s main city thoroughfare has been blocked by a row of leyland cypresses that mysteriously appeared overnight
#546 Dumpster Divers Dividing Denizens
3. the Grinder at Fat Sal's Deli and Recycling Center is a national institution
#547 Fantastic Beasts and How @@NAME@@ Harmed Them
1. poaching has been on the rise after animals from the nation's zoos were released into the wild
2. whales in captivity live in little more than glorified goldfish bowls
3. whales in captivity live in little more than glorified goldfish bowls
4. the endangered saltwater humpback @@ANIMAL@@ is only seen in captivity programs
#548 Appointment of a Science Advisor
1. every new building project has to undergo a five-year environmental impact study before it can go ahead
2. every new toxic waste dump comes with a seal of approval from the government's science advisor
#549 Feasting or Fasting?
4. in its new More is More campaign the government advertises obese men and women posing coquettishly with baked goods to spare their blushes
#557 Take a Hike!
3. park rangers struggle to deal with a rash of stolen pic-a-nic baskets
#559 The Low Aspiration Nation
1. fruit pickers with degrees in @@ANIMAL@@ psychology are a common sight
3. the unemployed are quite literally sold to the highest bidder
#560 Bicameral Backlash
1. @@LEADER@@ has no checks and balances after the upper house was abolished
#572 Reading, Your Rights
3. modern readers say a story is worthless without hyperlinked footnotes and editable wiki format
#574 One Small Step for Private Enterprise?
2. kids building model rockets in their backyard are grounded by Space Agency Rangers
#575 Sick Days for Sick Waves
1. victims of limb-mauling industrial accidents are told to keep working with their remaining hand
2. victims of limb-mauling industrial accidents are told to keep working with their remaining hand
#576 Light at the End of the Tunnel
1. economic output is rising as the chronically depressed are persuaded not to burden society
#577 Second World Problems
4. Party members are derided as class traitors
#581 Fair to Say...?
3. national chefs believe that you can eat anything so long as you deep fry it first
#599 Dead in the Water
3. debate rages over whether ground fish guts can be spread on fields
#621 Blue Collar Blues
1. no one born in @@NAME@@ can fix a leaky faucet
2. no one born in @@NAME@@ can fix a leaky faucet
4. libraries are replacing history books and classic novels with technical manuals and trades directories to match the nation's changing demands
#626 Carbon Copied
4. future forecasters fearfully discuss grey goo and human obsolescence
#627 The Bee-Ginning of a Catastrophe?
1. genetic researchers have taken to conducting illegal experiments in secret lairs
#628 Only @@LEADER@@ Can Prevent Forest Fires
3. the phrase 'spreading like wildfire' is no longer in the public lexicon
#630 This Green and Pleasant Land
4. landless farmers wander forlornly in the government's many national parks
5. excited shovel-bearing geeks wander the countryside
#634 Bullet Time
1. in life full of care there is no time to stop and stare
#635 Hey Kid, Have a Cigar
4. government bureaucrats devote many man-hours to trying to measure unquantifiables
#638 Won't Somebody Think of the Children?
4. swings are now more popular than see-saws in children's playgrounds
#639 No Country for Old Men
3. cubicles often double as graves as citizens literally work themselves to death
4. cubicles often double as graves as citizens literally work themselves to death
#640 A Clear-Cut Conundrum
1. hordes of unemployed lumberjacks have resorted to cutting down utility poles to satisfy their cravings
3. severed limbs litter woodland edges across the land
#641 Dirty Little Minds
4. corrupt industrial practices are spreading like a plague
#644 The Old Grey Matter
5. grannies with arthritic hands work miserably on factory production lines
#647 Songbirds' Decline Ruffles Feathers
1. military pilots spend more time scraping feathers off their engines than flying their aircraft
3. foreign nations kill migratory animals at random in the hope that @@NAME@@ will pay them to stop
5. remote-control hang-gliding scarecrows patrol the skies to keep songbirds from leaving the nation's borders
#661 Scouting for Boys, Girls... Anyone?
1. Scoutmasters debate whether luxury log cabins defeat the purpose of camping
3. truancy officers have a hard time catching children trained in advanced camouflage skills
#663 A "Friend" in Need
2. people believe that if you teach a man to fish he won't buy fish from you any more
#664 Your Land or Mine
2. the hardest thing for a mining operation to dig through is government red tape
#667 One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Recyclable
1. local mafias have a tough time disposing of dead snitches without catching the attention of recycling authorities
2. unpackaged foodstuffs rot on store shelves
#668 How to Examine Your Testees
1. 4-year-olds studying for their mathematics exams are anxious that they will be unemployable in adulthood if they fail
#669 Watts Up With Rooftop Solar
4. the government is funding experimental battery technology while the power grid continues to crumble
#675 Trick or Treaty
1. citizens cannot change their light bulbs without approval from an international committee
2. the industries of @@NAME@@ are coughing all the way to the bank
3. carbon-footprint restrictions are making businesses walk
#677 Dial L for Loan
1. the new foreign policy is "why bother invading neighbours when they can be bought wholesale?"
#680 The Fault Is in Our Stars
4. politicians fear the otherworldly wrath of poorly made cheese
#681 @@NAME@@'s New Year's Resolution: Lose Fewer Limbs
2. parties that are too noisy are broken up to prevent disturbing wildlife
#682 Exhaust Every Option
1. schoolkids say that the air doesn't taste like wee-wee any more
2. proprietary charger leads are now a pain for electric cars as well as cellphones
4. calling shotgun on the front seat too many days in a row is seen as a crime against social equality
#689 A Sticky Situation
1. it's rare to find an unchewed pencil
4. Eau de Trashcan has become a wildly popular perfume
#699 Pipe Down, Already!
1. families waiting for delayed pipe installations hope daily for rain
#705 The Germ of an Idea
2. fast-food chefs regularly win Health Innovation Awards for spitting on burgers
#706 A Walk in the Park
1. glamping @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ won't sleep in a tent that doesn't include a Jacuzzi
#710 Feudal Feuds
1. a serf by any other name works just as hard
#713 Life in the Bike Lane
1. bike rage is all the rage
4. the nation's infamous rickshaw ambulances often double as hearses
#714 Milky Ways
1. increasing numbers of children in @@NAME@@ have different eye and hair color to their supposed fathers
3. supermarket milk is a shear-thickening fluid that can stop small-caliber bullets
4. state dairy cow's milk is a shear-thickening fluid that can stop small-caliber bullets
#717 Cheques and Balances
4. interest rates mysteriously drop whenever the CB@@NAMEINITIALS@@ Governor goes house hunting
#726 Jobless Fair
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ companies generally just fire employees in lieu of giving them vacation
5. three-year-olds have tantrums because they don't want to be drainage technicians when they grow up
#727 Market Crash
4. businesses are abandoning the city centre because of the lack of transport connections
#728 A Bone to Pick
4. the deceased are buried mostly to hide them from state-sanctioned corpse-collectors
#733 The Path Less Traveled
6. aggressive promotion of global warming puts polar bears on thin ice
#747 The Plane Truth
4. Air @@NAME@@ tickets have reached sky-high prices due to a complete monopoly on air travel
#749 Not Mushroom for Error
1. park rangers perform full-body searches on suspected fungus smugglers
#751 @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ Breed Contempt
1. no animal is considered endangered if there's another that looks kind of like it
2. gardeners must genetically test weeds for unique traits before digging them up
#754 The Hit Parade
1. the voyages of obsolete star-trekking satellites on deliberate escape orbits are only just beginning
#758 Bye Bye to the Birdies?
1. it is illegal to brush crumbs off your clothing outdoors
3. authorities are looking for a stool pigeon to rat out who is stealing food from pigeon toilets
#766 Carbon Emissions Are Why We Can't Have Nice Things
4. with increasingly clear skies nobody seems to mind the electricity bill going through the roof
5. @@LEADER@@ has incinerated the international climate treaty in a public coal-burning ceremony
#772 Do You Have Artistic License?
1. dentists routinely perform open heart surgery
#774 Clean Switch
1. dubiously qualified Skandilundian barristers keep referring to laws as 'government guidelines'
2. dubiously qualified East Lebatuckese doctors prescribe ice baths as a treatment for pneumonia
#782 Sit-Down Money
4. doctors are trying to diagnose diseases by looking at their patients' Snipchat pictures
#784 The Driving Force
2. the country's motorways are surprisingly quiet
#808 Big Trouble in Little Dàguó
1. the government advises foreign diplomats to speak softly and carry a big bag of cash
4. it is often said that only @@LEADER@@ could bring down Dàguó
#809 So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
1. demand for night vision goggles and boat engine mufflers has spiked
2. tourists on boat cruises can't figure out why they smell so fishy afterward
#810 Armed and Unready
5. nobody is forced to join the armed forces
#814 A Topic of Ethical Import
1. it ain't easy to be green enough to be imported into @@NAME@@
3. concerned environmentalists wipe away their tears with tissues sourced from Tasmanian old-growth redwoods
#815 Embargoed In
5. the nation is devoted to world peas
#816 A Hot Topic
1. where there's smoke there's the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Forestry Department
#821 A Switch in Time Kills Nine
3. it is illegal to have the wrong clock time showing on your microwave oven
#825 Bugging Out on Beef
1. urban entrepreneurs are busy introducing cockroaches into restaurant kitchens
2. ersatz chicken has left the nation's citizens with a bad taste in their mouths
3. cricket farmers use magnifying glasses to fit every member of their herd with tiny tracking tags
#831 Give Us a Break, @@LEADER@@
5. sick days are on the rise
#838 The Bark Knight Rises
2. people can't decide between preserving forests and buying print copies of 'Dogman Versus The Giggler'
#842 @@LEADER@@ and the Chocolate Factory
2. chocolate in @@NAME@@ has its flavour enhanced by the salty tears of enslaved factory workers
#863 Oiling the Wheels of Diplomacy
2. the moral worth of national allies is judged by their GDP
3. military training in @@NAME@@ emphasizes the tactical advantages of stabbing backs
#871 It's Not Easy Being Red
2. people who question what bunker construction has to do with economic reform tend to disappear
5. the "Brave New World" program has caused private businesses to spring up faster than the East Lebatuck Wall
#877 Gunning for Profits
4. old warplanes and tanks that break down can't be repaired since no one makes the parts anymore
#882 Death by Chocolate
2. the regional delicacy of chocolate bombes is deadlier than an unexploded bomb
#884 You're Psychotic, @@LEADER@@
2. consumers are free to choose - so long as they choose Eckie-Ecola or Eckie-Cola
#888 Criminal Patterns
2. a stitch in time could see you serving nine
#890 Mining Blues
5. pocket calculators are seen as status symbols for the ostentatiously wealthy
6. the Betamax versus VHS debate continues to rage strongly in @@NAME@@
#893 Bread is the Stuff of Strife
1. restaurateurs put a lot of effort into persuading customers to accept wafer-thin mints
3. mouldy bread is served as an appetizer in many restaurants
#900 Piracy on the High Trees
1. CSI Forest is this year's hit new crime show
2. home renovation shows are increasingly popular
4. newly-privatized lumberjacks are clearcutting the forest to meet demand
#907 A Problem Shared
4. boom-and-bust cycles are being peddled as economically inevitable
6. hipster cyclists declare that "metal is dead"
#911 For Crying Out Loud
1. unemployed town criers cry over their drinks
#920 Central Planning Theatrics
3. ticket touts are blamed for the downfall of communism
#923 Ministers Exposing Themselves
3. it's rumored that Marche Noire knows what the nation's generals eat for breakfast
#936 Hackable Elections?
4. it's said that any enemy of democracy is a friend to @@LEADER@@
#946 Better In Than Out
4. explosive diarrhoea is not just a colorful phrase
#951 The Wrath of the Fish King
3. workers for the environmental protection agency are patted down for tartar sauce every morning
#955 Can It!
1. courses in how to boil water are popular for formerly microwave-reliant @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@
2. courses in how to boil water are popular for formerly microwave-reliant @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@
3. adverts proclaim it has to be healthy if the Mornay uses hand-grated Gallopavian Gruyère
#956 The Bottom of the Gun Barrel
2. unemployed youngsters trained to kill are being released en masse into society
#957 Putrid Predicament
3. the diplomatic corps stinks
4. the army's use of chemical weapons leaves a bad taste in the mouth
#970 For Want of a Nail
1. it is popularly believed that "cheese every day keeps disaster away"
2. it is popularly believed that "cheese every day keeps disaster away"
#980 Small Claims
1. the nation's atlases tend to go out of date every few weeks
#986 Poacher Pandemic
5. the horniness of the great-horned @@ANIMAL@@ is considered a national priority
#988 Highway Robbery by the Book!
3. strip mining of rare earth metals is up while back problems are down
#1002 The Call of Nature
1. pet owners make sure their dogs wear diapers
#1007 Putting Your Foot in It
1. pet owners must make a payment if their charges leave a deposit
#1009 A Woman's Roll
1. thousands of picky mothers-in-law have been recruited to serve as even pickier cookery instructors
2. thousands of picky mothers-in-law have been recruited to serve as even pickier cookery instructors
#1013 Grave Disease
4. people across the world seek to be healthier by eliminating carbs
#1020 Bi-NO-Metric?
4. schoolchildren's "what I did on my holidays" essays tend to be somewhat homogeneous
#1026 Size Matters
1. the entire entry for @@NAME@@ in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the World reads 'mostly harmless'
4. citizens are told that foreigners are hungry ghosts who eat the flesh of the overly curious
#1028 Can't Get Enough of You Baby
1. toddler groups have taken over local libraries
#1030 Looking Down in the Dumps
3. it's best not to ask what goes into @@CAPITAL@@ Fried Chicken's secret blend of herbs and spices
5. panicking criminals no longer flush contraband down the toilet
#1038 Maid to Order
1. members of ethnic minorities are more often called "boy" or "girl" than by their actual names
3. slaving over a hot stove to cook the family dinner isn't metaphorical in @@NAME@@
#1042 Failure to Launch
2. carpal tunnel syndrome is on the rise
#1047 Rivers of Blood
1. many in @@NAME@@ are born in the purple
#1051 Take to the Skies
2. former planespotters are dusting off long-abandoned anoraks
#1058 LEEDing From Behind
1. the volume of paperwork used to complete a single environmental assessment defeats the purpose
2. the nation's green cities are indeed concrete jungles
#1060 Hole in the Wall
3. official maps have to be revised on a weekly basis
#1061 Every Day I'm Muffling
1. mechanics are often exhausted by their work
3. when electric cars arrived nobody heard them coming
#1065 Pulling Out
4. the climate agreement has actually increased the volume of hot air in the atmosphere
5. the nation has learned that pulling out is messy
#1068 Made to Break
1. supermarkets must refund spoilt milk even six months after the sale
#1069 Bowl Motions
4. there is something rotten in the state of @@NAME@@
#1086 Fun in the Sun
6. hordes of tourists are ruining the environment
#1105 A Green History Lesson
1. the statue in the @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@ Plaza has a solar panel for a hat
#1109 Of Mice and Meth
1. patriotic parents remind their children to drink plenty of water
#1116 To Each According to His Feed
3. stews often contain used tissues and pocket fluff
4. lobster tastes best when it is red
#1121 Tribes and Tribulations
2. nations that kill @@A@@ @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ can expect a strongly worded letter
#1127 The Fast and the Fossilized
3. taxi drivers seem less xenophobic these days
#1140 Blinded by the Light
4. overcrowded buses are the new normal for suburban commuters
#1150 Back Lash Backlash
1. most believe it doesn't hurt to embrace free trade
3. extraordinary rendition is nothing out of the ordinary
#1154 Foreign Tax Credits Leave Film Industry Reeling
2. the nation's generous tax credits have brought all the film studios to the yard
#1160 Milking It
2. a milk bath costs more than bathing in money
#1164 What a Gneiss Place We've Got Here
1. trails to natural wonders are littered with trash from reality film crews
3. citizens can only enjoy the splendor of the natural world in designated 'Majesty Appreciation' zones
#1166 Acres Wild
1. farmers have taken to hunting billionaires who encroach on their land
3. wildlife have trouble navigating the electric fences surrounding national forests
#1179 Nothing Fishy
1. father-son fishing trips have been banned
#1180 Death Doesn't Discriminate
1. people on the brink of death are put through unwanted and stressful procedures
2. people on the brink of death are put through unwanted and stressful procedures
#1182 Thanks, but No Thanks
1. the government considers the rising number of McRonald's fast food restaurants to be great progress
#1185 Should Be Sufficient
3. the best fashion comes straight to the high street from sweatshops all across the globe
#1193 Relocating the Living Room
1. colonists who were promised new lands find only war-torn devastation
2. the government maintains a Department of Skulduggery
#1195 All Hands on Tap!
2. foreign leaders never seem to want to shake hands with @@LEADER@@
#1212 Lost at Sea
3. children get arrested for floating paper boats on lakes
#1230 Home Hunger
1. new pests have been imported into @@NAME@@
#1248 A Day to Remember
4. red rinses are frequently applied to grey hair
#1253 Build a Better Baby?
3. genetic screening weeds out citizens whose legs don't bend easily at the knee
#1267 Hamming It Up
5. email killed the radio star
6. email killed the radio star
#1269 All That Glitters
3. annual government budgets include a sizeable spend on "making things look fabulous"
#1275 You Cruise, You Lose?
1. the beauty of coastal towns is marred only slightly by all the closed-down storefronts
2. the beauty of coastal towns is marred only slightly by all the closed-down storefronts
#1286 Burning Over a New Leaf
1. trying to toast marshmallows in an electric fireplace just isn't the same
3. autumn landscape paintings feature men stripping leaves from bare branches with a vacuum
#1290 Why Didn't the @@ANIMAL@@ Cross the Road?
1. more sidewalk is dedicated to animals than people
2. coat closets are being re-branded as bedrooms
3. @@LEADER@@ has declared a weed sticking through a crack in the sidewalk to be the nation's newest green space
#1298 Ranchers Get Thrown to the Wolves
4. cows graze until the wolves come home
#1301 Meat the Neighbours
2. the end of communism came with retail rather than revolution
4. proletariat workers identify less with the hammer and sickle and more with the touchscreen and phone charger
#1318 Blitzed
7. skyscrapers get built in just days
#1325 Having Faith in Communism
4. spiritual leaders preach that the poor are being punished for their sins
#1342 Uni-ted We Roll, Uni-ted We Fall
3. environmental legislation occurs cyclically
#1345 To Each According to Whatever's Left
1. they who do not work shall not eat
#1352 The Brains Behind Kuru
3. the government is accused of being heartless by those considered brainless
#1356 The Silicon Curtain
3. autarky's deemed malarkey as foreign bric-a-brac's brought back
#1358 Who's In Your Wallet?
6. angry citizens complain that there isn't enough geographical diversity on the new banknotes
#1361 Fundamental Rights
4. the nation's girls answer "apple" when asked what makes pi
#1368 Parking Hell
1. the optimally efficient parking strategy for business commuters is referred to as the "traveling salesman problem"
3. urban parents tell their children that the family car went to a farm upstate
#1412 Another Day, Another Dollar
1. the government hopes austerity will lead to prosperity
2. the @@CURRENCY@@ is said to only have value in antique shops
#1415 The Melting Point
1. a speech a day keeps climate change away
#1416 Building on Sand
3. undersea volcanoes receive strongly worded letters for violating environmental regulations
#1421 Have Your Cake and Don't Eat It
4. Big Belly is watching you
#1429 The Wind Become Death
1. diplomatic fallout tends to be much more dangerous than radioactive fallout
#1434 Blood on Your Nuts
3. slavers are real nutters
#1442 A Green Bill of Health
1. travelers are subject to extensive searches if beet stains are visible on their clothing
#1443 Forage and Forget
1. pulling weeds is seen as a threat to national security
4. citizens praise the weeds that overwhelm their narrow vegetable realm
#1452 Hello Darkness My Old Friend
1. the government has declared "all your rigs are belong to us"
2. the government enables frack addiction
#1453 A Salt and Battery
2. foreign policy is based upon the principle of sieve and take
#1454 Poplar Opinion
2. environmentalists are advocating slash-and-burn in the nation's forests
#1460 A Burning Question
1. beggars lack pockets for spare change
3. government ministers have eclectic tastes in curtains
#1463 Sandbagging
2. the treehouse in @@ANIMAL@@ Park is the tallest building in @@NAME@@
#1472 Home Is Where the Lung Is
4. community organizers have given up going door to door because nobody is home
#1474 Cuy Bono?
2. @@CAPITAL@@ has restaurants serving every meat from aardvark to zebra
3. delicate flowers faint at news of house plants being eaten
#1492 Smoke on the Water
3. visitors often mistake the toiletplex at music festivals for the main stage
#1501 Diamond in the Rough
1. factories place endangered birds in their rafters in pursuit of government protections
2. endangered bison are herded across the border to prevent them from trampling on native prairie grass
3. endangered bison are herded across the border to prevent them from trampling on native prairie grass
#1502 Dirty Deals
2. people don't want any foreign rubbish
#1506 A Need for Order
1. it's believed that women's brains will overheat if they think for themselves
3. tough diplomacy is often best handled with a nutcracker

infamous sell-swords

Gained from:

#202 Guns or Butter?
4. corporate 'hostile takeovers' now involve ICBMs and main battle tanks
#469 Shoot to Earn
3. the nation's peacekeeping efforts usually comes with a healthy dose of pillaging
#486 An Impressing Dilemma
3. half the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Army consists of Brasilistani contractors
#515 Little Green Men
2. entire provinces are being suppressed for collectively "planning terrorist attacks"
#677 Dial L for Loan
2. a small country is wondering where their capitol building's gold dome went
#741 [The Enemy Within] We Can Work It Out
6. stun grenade flashes and assault weapon fire form the expected nocturnal soundscape of @@NAME@@
#854 An Armory of Antiques
3. the military lends out its new fighter jets as easily as a good neighbor lending out his garden tools
#960 Nobody Does It Better?
1. looting and pillaging are now considered vital intelligence-gathering activities
#1299 A Silent Salute
5. army pay is to kill and die for

Removed by:

#468 Selling @@NAME@@ Down the River?
1. unemployed mercenaries drift the country looking for new careers
4. the 'maybe not shock and awe' foreign policy initiative is showing promise

irreverence towards religion

Gained from:

#172 Church Attendances Reaching New Low, Warn Priests
3. the people of @@NAME@@ are renowned for their nihilistic attitudes
#914 Shepherds Without a Flock
3. atheists in the nation feel uneasy living in buildings where they were once vilified

Sometimes gained from:

#6 Appointment of Spiritual Advisor
3. the nation's official head of religious affairs is an atheist
#25 Cloning Research Promises New Breakthrough
1. scientists regularly clone human beings for research purposes
#28 Cancer Sufferer Demands Euthanasia Bill
1. euthanasia is legal
#32 One Wife Is Never Enough, Say Polygamists
4. there have been reports of people marrying housepets
#42 Turn Down That Racket, Say Morality Police
2. elevator music has been replaced by thrash metal played at maximum volume
#58 Violent Violetists Demand Blood!
3. a crusade against barbaric religious practices has begun
#70 Purge the Infidels!
3. the government is avowedly secular
#82 AI Researchers Rally for Android Rights
2. major internet servers have acquired citizenship
#106 Give the Red Light District the Green Light?
1. sales of fishnet stockings have reached a record high
3. government-run brothels can be found on every street corner
#123 Now, Vat's Food for Thought
1. human tissue is grown in vats as a delicacy as well as for transplants
3. traditional vegetarians are fuming over the introduction of vat-grown meat to the menu
6. citizens are grown in vats
#128 Ban the Burka?
3. government officials raid public buildings to remove all mention of G*d or r******n
#140 A Grave Problem
4. the dead are minced up and sold to people in burger form
#146 Evolution: Truth or Witchcraft?
1. it is mandatory to learn evolution in schools
#196 Violent Violetists Protest Artists
5. people of faith are sent to twelve-step programs for 'The Cure'
#225 Prayer in Public Schools?
4. religion is strictly forbidden within school grounds
#243 A Question of Faith
3. the government's official stance on religion is that it is so very silly
#285 A Right Not to Work?
3. retail stores offer sales every hour on the hour
#298 Cults: Harmless or Heretics?
4. believers must practice religion behind church doors lest the government smite them with a mighty fine
#313 Conscientious Objectors Want You... To Let Them Abstain
2. conscientious objectors are hanged as traitors
#314 An Affair to Remember?
2. motels cater primarily to adulterers
#333 No Sacrifice, No Sacrifice at All
1. churches across the land are hurriedly installing auto-tune for their choirs
2. churches across the land are hurriedly installing auto-tune for their choirs
6. any reference to a higher being is punished with public shaming
#363 The Apotheosis of @@LEADER@@?
4. the government is seen as openly hostile to all religion
#365 A Busload of Worry
1. children as young as six shock their parents by coming out of the closet
#371 Lotto Fever
3. chain casinos dominate the national gambling market
4. chain casinos dominate the national gambling market
5. @@LEADER@@'s pleasure palace epitomizes corruption
#413 A Shot in the Arm
4. science centers and state of the art laboratories are ubiquitous
#451 A Proselyte to Burn
1. the "fire department" is often called to remove offensive religious texts
#467 Saving Your Own Foreskin
1. back-alley circumcision clinics are popping up all over the nation
4. getting a haircut is a punishable offence
#486 An Impressing Dilemma
5. new vat-grown soldiers are as replaceable as bullets
#495 Beloved "Planet" Has Gone to the Dogs
3. the nation's leading climatologists are investigating animal flatulence in efforts to reduce methane emissions
#520 Preach With Me if You Want to Live
2. the military has declared war on all religious influence
#612 A Petty Issue
3. it's usual for grandparents to stay in the family home with their descendants but younger children are often frightened of them
#619 X Marks the Cult?
3. pizzerias must now display shrines to the Pizza God
4. basket-weaving is the nation's latest fad
#626 Carbon Copied
1. there is a growing belief that consciousness is a simulated illusion within a computer-generated reality
2. there is a growing belief that consciousness is a simulated illusion within a computer-generated reality
#633 Sound Judgement
5. the new national anthem passes the Turing Test
#665 In Nomine Ecclesiae
4. atheism is seen as a prerequisite for political power
#674 Let Them Eat Rainbow Cake!
3. homophobia is off the menu
4. seats at the back of the bus are reserved for homosexuals
#702 Has Your Room Been Booked?
2. official Sermon-Free Zones are set-up around the nation's hotels
#703 Divine Decoration
1. civil servants are no longer allowed to cross their t's
#718 Roses Are Due if Violet's for You
2. almost every singles' party has a clergy and courtesans theme
#720 Cui Bono?
3. shanty towns of homeless immigrants are the ideal recruiting ground for terrorist organisations
#759 Marry, Marry, Quite Contrarily
3. the government's stance on marriage is 'Let @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ marry themselves'
#781 The White Man's Burden
2. religious bigotry is not allowed but bigotry against theism is encouraged
#819 Damned Cold
4. straitjackets are a common religious garb
#861 Out With the Old
1. the elderly are killed softly with a song
#897 The Devil's Playground
2. Occam's razor has sliced to pieces any childhood belief in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy
#904 Yours Insincerely
4. politicians are fired for opening subjective statements with "I believe"
#939 A Question of Bad Faith
2. cults that offer eternal life after death to those who follow a self-sacrificing saviour are frowned upon
4. children who express a belief in Santa are labelled 'delusional cultists'
#943 Big Love, Big Problems?
1. former polygamists always seem to have a huge number of visiting cousins
#944 Deadly Persuasion
4. children who write letters to Santa Claus end up in straitjackets
#976 Demonic Possession Getting You Down?
1. the government regularly reassures citizens that there are no monsters under their beds
#1014 Unreasonable Doubt
3. folk are absolutely certain that you can never be absolutely certain
#1028 Can't Get Enough of You Baby
3. the love has gone in @@NAME@@
#1081 The Queen in Yellow
2. mystics are claiming that a simultaneous rise in scepticism and education budgets is correlation rather than causation
#1117 Suffer Little Children
3. a sudden shout of "surprise!" does not herald a party for teachers
4. children are disappointed to learn that cavemen never had a yabba-dabba-doo time riding dinosaurs to work
#1128 Get Thee Behind Me, Santa
2. children usually cry on their first day of school
3. children usually cry on their first day of school
#1129 Behind the Red Curtain
2. end-of-year production reports state that the revolution is really going with a bang
#1131 Safe Sects
1. the path to inner peace is paved with state-mandated punishment
#1155 The Banquet of Walnuts
4. the world is looking a bit more worldly
#1178 No Need to Beat Yourself Up About It
1. devotion to God is only skin-deep
2. religious households enthusiastically use whips in private
#1180 Death Doesn't Discriminate
3. young people devote their entire lives to the faith
4. young people devote their entire lives to the faith
6. uprooting flowers for religious ceremonies is a felony
#1197 Aflame With Indignity
3. citizens who don't follow @@FAITH@@ are closely monitored for signs of self-harm
4. religious citizens are closely monitored for signs of self-harm
5. children who believe in the tooth fairy are frequently shipped off to Bigtopia
6. children who believe in the tooth fairy are frequently shipped off to Bigtopia
#1271 Cathedrals Have Never Been Hotter
1. sermons are regularly interrupted by businessmen taking phone calls
3. small towns have started burning historical buildings in hopes of attracting tourists
#1274 No Room Left for Asylum Seekers
1. you can check out of an asylum if you've changed your mind
2. blessed are the meek for they have been beaten into submission
3. the nation is a world leader in martyrs per capita
#1284 How to Choose the Chosen One
1. children are encouraged to fail at school so as not to appear too enlightened
#1325 Having Faith in Communism
3. government has seized the opium of the people
#1326 Hostile Hospitality
1. money can't buy love but mercy is entirely negotiable
#1348 Heaven Can't Wait
2. religious fanatics complain of being held down by the earth's gravitational field
#1361 Fundamental Rights
3. every school is receiving a brand new eraser
#1417 Nun on the Run
1. clergy who start talking about politics are forced to take a holy vow of silence
#1419 The Madson-Hashley Scandal
1. business is banging at no-tell motels
#1457 Use the Farce, @@LEADER@@
5. science fiction is seen as the leading cause of mental breakdowns
#1523 Don't Tread on My Money
1. prodigal children celebrate as charitable bequests plummet

Removed by:

#285 A Right Not to Work?
1. the request to "give us our daily bread" can only be fulfilled six days out of seven

Sometimes removed by:

#13 Too Much Yakking, Already, Say Delegation
3. it is a crime to offend someone's religious beliefs
#25 Cloning Research Promises New Breakthrough
2. genetic researchers have been expelled
#28 Cancer Sufferer Demands Euthanasia Bill
2. euthanasia is illegal
3. euthanasia is illegal
#33 Genetics Brings New Life to Extinct Species
2. genetic research has been halted
#38 @@NAME@@ Looks to the Stars
3. religious classes are compulsory for all school students
#39 Scandal Rocks @@NAME@@'s Government!
2. government officials are held to the highest standard of morality
3. government officials are held to the highest standard of morality
#41 Software Giant Stomps on Competition
3. citizens frequently whisper of the Internet as 'the domain of the devil'
#42 Turn Down That Racket, Say Morality Police
1. radio stations are forbidden to play anything with too much drum or bass
#58 Violent Violetists Demand Blood!
1. homeless people are periodically found dead upon altars to assorted deities
#70 Purge the Infidels!
1. citizens who fail to follow the official national religion are executed
2. citizens who fail to follow the official national religion are executed
#77 Easter Egg: World to End, or Possibly Just Mark Anniversary
4. residents firmly believe there is no spoon (@@EGG@@)
#82 AI Researchers Rally for Android Rights
3. computers have been banned
#107 Private Lab Holds @@NAME@@'s Sick to Ransom
3. the religious lobby has the power of veto over health initiatives
#128 Ban the Burka?
2. there have been sightings of people walking around dressed in nothing but leopard-skin g-strings for 'religious reasons'
#140 A Grave Problem
3. houses and businesses are bulldozed to make way for ever-expanding cemeteries
#143 An Archaeological Altercation
3. archaeological discoveries are often followed by mysterious hamster abductions
#146 Evolution: Truth or Witchcraft?
2. the teaching of evolution has been banned
#172 Church Attendances Reaching New Low, Warn Priests
2. the government is spending billions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ on helping citizens find spiritual enlightenment
#183 Buy a Better Baby?
3. research into 'designer babies' is banned
#191 Blood Banks Running Dry
2. blood donations have been banned because of the risk of eternal unrest
#196 Violent Violetists Protest Artists
1. government-sponsored gallows are being erected by Violetist temples
4. anyone who doesn't attend Official Governmental Religious Services is fined
#225 Prayer in Public Schools?
1. students who refuse to pray are expelled from school
2. children of nonreligious parents are often barred from school festival events
#243 A Question of Faith
1. @@FAITH@@ has been named as @@NAME@@'s national religion
4. open-heart surgery is taught in seminaries
5. @@LEADER@@ is the self-declared God of all @@NAME@@
#249 Particle Accelerator Sparks High Energy Debate
2. the study of quantum physics has been outlawed for fear of accidentally causing the end of the world
#252 Great Balls of Fire!
4. god-fearing citizens can be seen in prayer circles around the Big Max impact crater
#264 Not a Drop to Drink
3. raindances intended to summon storms instead attract tourists
#273 Is Our Children Learning?
3. the state believes that children are what you make of them
4. the state believes that children are what you make of them
#274 Brotherly Love - a Bit Too Close to Home?
2. family bonding sessions are considered immoral and are banned
#279 A Vat Lot of Trouble
3. 'Let's Get It On' has jumped to #1 on the billboard charts
4. 'Let's Get It On' has jumped to #1 on the billboard charts
#284 Drug Legality Run Amok
5. absentminded citizens frequently converse with hallucinations
#313 Conscientious Objectors Want You... To Let Them Abstain
1. military recruitment numbers are down as citizens object on 'moral grounds'
#317 Big Brother Is Watching You Surf
3. the government is rounding up computers and beating them into plowshares
#329 Military Uniforms Under Scrutiny
5. soldiers go to war dressed in cassocks and robes
#333 No Sacrifice, No Sacrifice at All
3. murderers and thieves claim divine inspiration to avoid prosecution
5. there are major delays at immigration checkpoints as travellers are forced to prove they belong to @@FAITH@@
#363 The Apotheosis of @@LEADER@@?
1. @@LEADER@@ is worshipped as a god
2. government policy is dictated by @@FAITH@@
3. tax rises are attributed to divine will
5. failure to pay the thrice-daily homage to the divine @@LEADER@@ is punishable by death
#365 A Busload of Worry
2. tightly packed choir-boys sing the god-given joys of heterosexuality on public transport
#371 Lotto Fever
2. betting pennies on games of Go Fish is considered deviant
#381 Mamma @@NAME@@, Let Me Go
3. churches now double as dungeons
#433 The Worst Storm to Hit @@NAME@@ Since...Yesterday?
4. cruise liners are being requisitioned and filled with zoo animals as @@NAME@@ braces for "Le Grand Deluge"
#434 Fraternity Furor
4. moonshine and organized crime are on the rise ever since alcohol was banned
#451 A Proselyte to Burn
2. the nation's new religious police burn blasphemers on bonfires of their own books
#456 Heads Will Roll
1. biker gangs and fashionistas are converting to Violetism en masse
2. biker gangs and fashionistas are converting to the Tranquility of Yellow en masse
#461 If at First You Don't Succeed...
6. @@LEADER@@ has been declared supreme ruler for all eternity
#467 Saving Your Own Foreskin
2. bris parties are all the rage
#474 Mesozoic Park
2. mathematicians are hated by children across the country
#482 Whose Fault Is It Anyways?
3. long-wed spouses often regret proposals they made when they were twenty
#520 Preach With Me if You Want to Live
1. the last thing @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ soldiers hear before charging into battle is a preacher trying to convert them
4. the military's primary weapons are fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and a fanatical devotion to @@FAITH@@
#522 Time to Get Serious
4. smiling in public is seen as criminally suspicious behaviour
#548 Appointment of a Science Advisor
4. science labs across the country languish in cobwebs as the government turns its attentions to spiritual matters
#570 Clerical Errors
1. @@FAITH@@ now admits men and women into its clergy
#598 A Violet Trojan Horse
1. children in school playgrounds can be heard chanting the hymns of the Order of Violet
#619 X Marks the Cult?
1. livestock mutilations are on the rise
#626 Carbon Copied
3. citizens often ask "what has information technology ever done for us?"
#631 The Violet Mile
3. voodoo economists believe that feeding criminals to volcanoes will bring untold riches to @@NAME@@
#632 Dying for a Kiss
2. bemused citizens are encouraged to sing foreign-language hymns of religions they have never heard of
#633 Sound Judgement
2. the national anthem is considered broadly offensive to those who don't believe in @@FAITH@@
#648 Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
3. it's considered a valid legal defence to say "a demon made me do it"
#655 No Bones About It
2. oddly simian-looking religious thugs beat up anyone who suggests humans are related to monkeys
3. children as young as eight can present logical proofs for the existence of the afterlife
#658 A Sickening Dilemma
3. adult stores are all sold out of whips
#665 In Nomine Ecclesiae
1. politicians have literally dirty hands from their extracurricular activities
2. hymns sung by popular choirs top the billboard charts
3. this year's hottest seller is plenary indulgence
#674 Let Them Eat Rainbow Cake!
1. male friends are often accompanied by a female relative in order to prove their 'straightness'
2. male friends are often accompanied by a female relative in order to prove their 'straightness'
#702 Has Your Room Been Booked?
1. atheists on vacation find @@FAITH@@'s scriptures make useful doorstops
3. holidaymakers sleep curled up on the floor as hotel beds are replaced with oversized bookcases
4. holidaymakers sleep curled up on the floor as hotel beds are replaced with oversized bookcases
#703 Divine Decoration
2. garishly-decorated government buildings are being hailed as the height of 'religious nouveau'
3. garishly-decorated government buildings are being hailed as the height of 'religious nouveau'
4. the hills are alive with the smell of burning flesh
#718 Roses Are Due if Violet's for You
1. Violetist maidens who fall for an outsider must leave their violet light districts in shame
3. children raised in multi-faith households claim the other deity would let them stay up later
#728 A Bone to Pick
5. ritual mummification is making a comeback
#743 [The Enemy Within] Here, There and Everywhere
1. everyone hates people who encourage hate
#746 [The Enemy Within] There's a Place
4. the national policy on terrorism is "forgive and forget"
#781 The White Man's Burden
3. people spend a lot on hair and nails
4. people spend a lot on hair and nails
5. white privilege is a real thing
#786 Tainted Tattoos
3. clergy do their best to cover up their old tattoos
#799 A Political Cock-Up
2. unpopular politicians are often caught between a rock and a hard place
#811 Get Baked
3. grandparents tell young ones tales of the good old days when people had cake on their birthday
#819 Damned Cold
3. superstitious folk make gestures to ward off evil whenever they see a refrigeration unit
#831 Give Us a Break, @@LEADER@@
3. fireworks and other big bangs are forbidden during the newest public holiday
#851 Commercial Tidings Well in Advance
6. holiday gift-giving is often peppered with songs of praise to morally-questionable televangelists
#862 Friends Close, Enemies Closer
5. many believe that @@LEADER@@ rules by divine right
#864 The Missionary Position
2. gigantic marble churches take up almost half the land area of small villages
#897 The Devil's Playground
1. children asking questions about science are referred to relevant sections in religious texts
3. the New @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Thesaurus lists "love" and "oppress" as synonyms
#904 Yours Insincerely
3. the government maintains that belief brings greater security than money or a roof
#914 Shepherds Without a Flock
4. the dwindling faithful in the nation make expensive pilgrimages to the remaining places of worship
5. the only religious freedom citizens have is which religion they want to oppress them
#924 Total Eclipse of the Brain
1. every day at 4am @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ wake to pray for the sun to rise
#939 A Question of Bad Faith
1. burnt-out forty-foot-tall wicker men dot the countryside
3. a surprising number of police officers have been arrested for @@ANIMAL@@ sacrifices
#943 Big Love, Big Problems?
2. people hearing voices that tell them to commit crimes are automatically assumed to be holy
#970 For Want of a Nail
7. it's a miracle that there aren't more plane crashes
#976 Demonic Possession Getting You Down?
2. the government says that Possession is nine-tenths of the Lore
3. foreign militaries are taking a particular interest in the nation's abandoned borders and cities
#979 A Patronising Statement
3. modern @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ art is so hot right now
#983 Doctors' Orders
1. pregnant hitchhikers with signs requesting rides to "competent care" are a common sight on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ roads
#1081 The Queen in Yellow
3. gossip magazines are more interested in astrological stars than celebrity ones
#1113 No Sex Please, We're @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@
6. relationship guidance consists of "lie back and think of @@NAME@@"
#1117 Suffer Little Children
1. many @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ twitch nervously at the sight of nuns
2. teachers are skilled at leaving no evidence of child cruelty
#1120 Following Yonder Star
1. a formerly quiet little town is now booming as both a cult centre and a tourist attraction
3. @@LEADER@@ claims to know what infants are thinking
#1124 Signing Off, Your God
2. it is written that heretics die and @@LEADER@@ laughs
#1128 Get Thee Behind Me, Santa
4. favourite sermons have replaced campfire horror stories on teenage wilderness trips
#1131 Safe Sects
3. religious epiphanies are often cited as a reason for high school drop-outs
#1135 My Eyes Are Up Here
5. catcalling has been replaced by slut-shaming
#1151 Gotta Go Fast
2. there's a lot of babies crying for milk in the middle of the day
3. workers of "fairweather faith" claim six months of paid leave for holy days per year
#1178 No Need to Beat Yourself Up About It
3. government adverts say that twelve lashes a day keeps divine wrath at bay
#1180 Death Doesn't Discriminate
1. people on the brink of death are put through unwanted and stressful procedures
2. people on the brink of death are put through unwanted and stressful procedures
#1197 Aflame With Indignity
1. burning yourself alive is not okay but starving and whipping yourself is fine
2. burning yourself alive is not okay but starving and whipping yourself is fine
5. children who believe in the tooth fairy are frequently shipped off to Bigtopia
6. children who believe in the tooth fairy are frequently shipped off to Bigtopia
#1200 Choose Your God Wisely
4. "Idol-Worship for the Apathetic" workshops are cancelled when no-one bothers to show up
#1202 A Timely Intervention
5. citizens pray for sunshine so that they can use illicit sundials for timekeeping
#1204 Homecoming Queen
1. the Violetist community celebrates bombshells being dropped on @@NAME@@
#1206 Gross Domestic Product
4. cholera is seen as the holiest of diseases
#1219 Vat Is a Serious Problem
2. religious leaders insist all life is sacred (but not those vat-bred wretches)
#1231 Save Our Souls
1. religious leaders order congregants to love any neighbour who is just like themselves
2. refugee camp conversions to @@FAITH@@ are increasingly common
3. believers who wear their faith on their sleeves make easy targets in hostile areas
5. the nation takes the world's poor and tired and the huddled Masses yearning to breathe free
#1257 It's a Kind of Magic
5. religious officials are furious after discovering that things made of stone do not burn well at the stake
#1274 No Room Left for Asylum Seekers
4. a plague of zealots has been unleashed on the streets of @@CAPITAL@@
#1284 How to Choose the Chosen One
4. government forces are said to be deterred by signs reading "No Spam, Cold Callers or Central Government - Thank You"
#1325 Having Faith in Communism
1. no true communist is an unbeliever
#1326 Hostile Hospitality
3. fire and brimstone sermons are accompanied by napalm and fragmentation bombs
#1348 Heaven Can't Wait
1. the holiest shrine in @@FAITH@@ is on another world
#1357 Scattered Showers
2. firework salesmen are regularly arrested for selling contraband "space rockets"
#1361 Fundamental Rights
2. advanced mathematics books explain how two plus two equals five
4. the nation's girls answer "apple" when asked what makes pi
#1407 New Tricks
4. red fabric is banned
#1417 Nun on the Run
2. weekly religious services often resemble campaign rallies
3. citizens ask "how many crooks could a nunchuck hook if a nun had nunchucks too?"
4. every political party claims that their platform is based on divine revelation
#1422 Who Comes Up With This Ship?
2. many are asking why the latest naval vessel is named after Saint Bartholomeus the Many Handed
#1457 Use the Farce, @@LEADER@@
2. government statisticians explain census inaccuracies by declaring that "Sith happens"
3. the only film released this month was "Prayervengers: Heresy War"
#1458 Children of @@FAITH@@
1. atheistic refugees haven't got a prayer of being granted asylum
#1465 Parking Pandemonium
4. people queue for valets instead of parking spaces
#1468 Meat With Approval
1. the traditional Violetist dish of stuffed sheep's head is served with an intense look of shock upon its face
#1475 Bombshell for @@LEADER@@
2. @@LEADER@@'s support among single young men has drooped slightly
#1481 Livin' on a Prayer
2. all you have to do is pray to get into @@NAME@@
#1483 The Unkindest Cut
1. the government regrets to say that it is forced to make cuts to citizens
2. the government regrets to say that it is forced to make cuts to citizens
#1511 Three Little Words
6. civic leaders eagerly encourage sinners to spend more time on their knees
#1523 Don't Tread on My Money
2. a shocking number of estate planners are beneficiaries of their clients' wills

keen interest in outer space

Gained from:

#38 @@NAME@@ Looks to the Stars
1. billions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are being poured into a space program
2. the nation's first space rocket -- sponsored by Eckie-Ecola and shaped like an enormous soda bottle -- is being developed
#97 Landfills Filling Up
1. space shuttles regularly launch rubbish into space
#147 Military Budgets Up for Approval
4. most of the military's funding goes into researching space-age weaponry
#233 I Spy a Diplomatic Crisis
5. citizens have reported seeing strange rays of light emanating from the moon
#252 Great Balls of Fire!
1. nuclear warheads are frequently launched into space as a warning to invading meteoroids
#424 You Just Sank My Battleship!
2. the military has forsaken terrestrial warfare
#495 Beloved "Planet" Has Gone to the Dogs
2. the government is spending billions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ on a fancy space probe to find a planet that may not even exist
#643 No Small Wonder
2. the ongoing space elevator construction project has elevated the national debt to all new levels
#1348 Heaven Can't Wait
1. the holiest shrine in @@FAITH@@ is on another world
3. military chaplains grow frustrated with their long commutes
4. being a member of the glee club disqualifies @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ from space travel

Removed by:

#53 Orbital Armageddon?
3. the space program has been scrapped in order to focus on more terrestrial pursuits
#256 Easter Egg: Suburbs Are Out of This World
2. white-collar unemployment skyrockets as the suburbs are not within bicycling distance to work (@@EGG@@)
#361 @@CAPITAL@@, We Have a Problem
4. the eerie remains of the final shuttle mission orbit in silence as a sober reminder of the abandoned space program
#574 One Small Step for Private Enterprise?
4. falling satellites are regarded as a blessing from the gods
#589 To Boldly Go?
2. space shuttles are lying silent on the runway till the Space Agency can work out how to fit a creche and a meditation room into their next spacecraft
#590 When Trees Hug Back
3. government-sanctioned factory-smashing has the Luddites of @@NAME@@ rejoicing
#679 Space Is Big Enough for the Both of Us
3. the space program has been reduced to @@LEADER@@'s nephew playing with a cardboard space shuttle
#1099 New Satellite Blues
7. the thought of funding space programs drives @@LEADER@@ crazy
#1357 Scattered Showers
2. firework salesmen are regularly arrested for selling contraband "space rockets"

lack of airports

Gained from:

#248 The Sky Is Falling
5. aeroplanes have been converted into housing units after all air travel was outlawed
#408 Easter Egg: Pony Peril
3. ponies working in the nation's salt mines have a life expectancy of weeks (@@EGG@@)
#652 Mayday! Mayday!
5. derelict airplanes have been converted into novelty restaurants and hotels
#784 The Driving Force
5. mail and shipped goods take forever to get to buyers
#787 Come Fly With Me?
3. @@ANIMAL@@-wagons to @@CAPITAL@@ are often canceled due to excessive levels of manure on the roads
#1348 Heaven Can't Wait
5. above @@NAME@@ there is only sky and the fear of the unknown
6. above @@NAME@@ there is only sky and the fear of the unknown

Removed by:

#278 Relief Is Coming... In Four to Six Weeks
1. contrails and thunderous rumbles have returned to the skies above
#1051 Take to the Skies
2. former planespotters are dusting off long-abandoned anoraks

multi-spousal wedding ceremonies

Gained from:

#32 One Wife Is Never Enough, Say Polygamists
1. polygamy is legal
4. there have been reports of people marrying housepets
#165 Wedlock Worries
3. all marriages are arranged by the government

Sometimes gained from:

#506 It's Official: "I Do" Does Do It
1. every conceivable scenic location has been completely booked by couples desperate to marry
3. couples wishing to marry spend months at the circus trying to learn acrobatics
#539 All My Bits Are Belong to You
2. @@LEADER@@'s new android secretary is the latest media darling
#1155 The Banquet of Walnuts
3. the church declares that everyone should get a large serving of nuts daily

Removed by:

#274 Brotherly Love - a Bit Too Close to Home?
4. divorce lawyers are found begging on the streets
6. citizens may not "love, honor and obey" anyone except the State
#314 An Affair to Remember?
4. once-popular honeymoon destinations have become ghost towns due to a lack of visitors
#336 Polygamy Causes Division
2. a flood of mandatory divorces burden the courts
#943 Big Love, Big Problems?
1. former polygamists always seem to have a huge number of visiting cousins
#1113 No Sex Please, We're @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@
2. @@LEADER@@ is in a committed monogamous relationship with a huge number of people
#1129 Behind the Red Curtain
2. end-of-year production reports state that the revolution is really going with a bang
#1159 The Sad State of Affairs
3. former first wives now find themselves mothers to twenty children
#1251 The Making of a Mass Murderer
1. wedding bands come in pairs to form wedding manacles

museums and concert halls

Gained from:

Sometimes gained from:

#42 Turn Down That Racket, Say Morality Police
2. elevator music has been replaced by thrash metal played at maximum volume
#52 Is It Art or Is It Porn?
3. nude art is becoming wildly popular
#56 "Give Us Money!" Quoth the Poet
1. people reciting Shakespeare have become a common sight
#61 Should the Government Grant Estates and Titles of Nobility?
4. @@NAME@@'s Medieval Faire is renowned as one of the best in the region
#85 Illegal File-Sharing Flares
1. a cyber-war between file sharers and the music industry formats hard drives across the country
3. recorded music can be rented but not bought from record companies
#109 Karate Kids Cause Controversy
1. the government helps teach children how to kill a man from six paces
#114 Wipe Out Graffiti?
3. graffiti graces every city's streets
#124 To Paint or Not to Paint?
2. artists are pillars of society
#128 Ban the Burka?
2. there have been sightings of people walking around dressed in nothing but leopard-skin g-strings for 'religious reasons'
#129 Tribal Troubles
1. large sections of @@NAME@@ have been named national reserves to protect the native tribes living there
5. a primitive society is being eroded as its youth flock to the modern world
#131 Raise Duel Standards, Say Fencers
1. murderers frequently escape punishment by claiming they were protecting their honour
#143 An Archaeological Altercation
1. prime commercial land is being swamped with archaeological teams
3. archaeological discoveries are often followed by mysterious hamster abductions
#154 Ban the 'Boards, Say Pedestrians
2. skateparks can be found in every city
#169 @@ANIMAL@@ Hunting Laws Under Dispute
2. the nation is famous for having one of the world's largest @@ANIMAL@@ hunting institutions
#227 Underage Drinkers: Social Menace or Misunderstood?
5. the government is pursuing a new programme aimed at promoting cultural sophistication
#239 We Who Are About to Die Would Rather Go Home
1. it is a common belief that a sport isn't sport if there are no decapitations
3. criminals are thrown to the @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ to repay their debt to society
#245 Clash of Cultures
1. immigrants are required to salute the flag five times a day
4. all citizens must pass a 'multicultural sensitivity test' to be deemed fit for society
#276 Circus Clowns Cause Chaos!
2. students are wary of colorfully decorated new teachers with names like Professor Pipsqueak
#286 A Whale of a Problem
2. seafood restaurants assure customers 'If it lives in the sea, it's on our menu'
#287 Maxtopians Demand Return of the King
2. the new 'Things We Stole From Other Countries' exhibition at the National Museum of Antiquities is a hit
#291 A Question of Sport
3. tourists are kicked out if they express interest in their national sport
#293 Maestro, Please
1. conductors wield diamond-encrusted batons to fit in with their freshly gilded surroundings
4. commercial jingles have been ham-handedly forced into world renowned symphonies
5. terrified tympanists are finding themselves on the front lines armed only with kettledrums
#319 Sizing Up the Competition
2. the populace harbors a fierce hatred of the metric system
#329 Military Uniforms Under Scrutiny
3. troops clank into battle wearing antique suits of armour
#334 Blot Out Bauhaus?
1. builders spend more time negotiating "tasteful architecture" than on actual construction
#343 Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?
2. the nation refuses to discard its increasingly useless penny
#344 Trash Talk
3. the Hanging Gardens account for half of @@CAPITAL@@'s water use
4. the Hanging Gardens account for half of @@CAPITAL@@'s water use
#352 Going Off the Rails
5. the nation's train stations are widely considered to be the ugliest in @@REGION@@
#372 The Coming of the Commissars
1. troops are either deafened by gunfire or a hysterical voice screaming the Party manifesto
#378 The War to End All Wars
1. commemoration of the Great @@REGION@@ War costs almost as much as the war itself
2. historical commemorations regularly devolve into militaristic jingoism
4. the nation grinds to a halt on the anniversary of every marginally noteworthy event
#415 Brain Pain on the Sports Plain
2. concussed @@ANIMAL@@ball players cannot remember their lineup position
3. concussed @@ANIMAL@@ball players cannot remember their lineup position
#430 Easter Egg: Please, Sir, We Want Some More Issues
4. players panic as they discover the newest chain can reset their populations and even delete their nations (@@EGG@@)
#440 Jumping the Sharknado
1. cinemas play art-house movies to ever-shrinking audiences as film critics rule the industry
2. tax-payers are funding ever more extravagant movie projects
#451 A Proselyte to Burn
4. books are so highly regarded in @@NAME@@ that libraries are often revered as holy shrines
#457 Colossus With Feet of Clay
1. tourists flock to see the giant stone carvings of historical leaders at Mount Rushless
#473 A-B-C, Easy as Don't Use Me
1. the nation's laws on image rights are amongst the strictest in the world
3. children are expected to carve their own toys
#476 A Farewell to Raised Arms?
2. village elders are often called in to interpret voting outcomes in Parliament
#478 The Show Must Go On
1. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Arts Council pays teenagers to sit through opera performances
#487 Masks of Shame
2. gossip magazines have been replaced by mask catalogs
3. public shaming is the bedrock of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ society
#489 Standing at Attention
2. good-looking soldier boys have celebrity status amongst the nation's homosexuals
#490 The Long and Winding Halls of @@CAPITAL@@
3. groups of government workers are declared protected tribes if they venture too deep into the Capitol
#492 The Artwork in the Attic
1. Maxtopian tourists make expensive pilgrimages to @@CAPITAL@@ to enjoy their national art
#497 The Widening Gyre
3. city-dwellers are forcibly moved to farming communes in the countryside
#501 Munchkins in Makeup
2. a girl's success in life is often linked to her performance in beauty pageants
#503 @@LEADER@@, Tear Down This Door!
1. @@LEADER@@'s exquisite office door is replaced monthly due to angry petitioners
#518 Face Lift
1. artists from across the nation compete to renovate the restrooms of old government buildings
#521 The Wreck of the Edward Fitzpatrick
4. folk singers have replaced personal injury lawyers in being ridiculed as "ambulance chasers"
#527 The Body Politic
1. cities in @@NAME@@ declare independence based on interpretation of the historic meaning of cave paintings
5. city budgets are spent entirely on supporting the town royalty
6. city budgets are spent entirely on supporting the town royalty
#534 Too Few Cooks in the Kitchen
3. the nation's latest batch of politicians include internet comedians, an alleged serial killer, and a highly trained @@ANIMAL@@
#536 Any Witch Way Spells Disaster
3. young and brooding teens are welcomed with open arms to the Dogwarts School of Strangeness and Sorcery
#543 Flash, Aaaaaargh!
2. commuters often break into synchronised para-para dancing for no reason at all
#549 Feasting or Fasting?
1. hundreds of teenagers die every year at the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Hungry Games
#562 Return to Sender
3. international commentators accuse the nation of aggressive cultural imperialism
#565 'A' Is for Academic Doping
4. the nation's school children are fluent in Klingon but lack basic mathematical skills
6. the nation's school children are fluent in Klingon but lack basic mathematical skills
#569 Grand Prix de @@NAME@@?
3. annual Formula One races bring the capital to a screeching halt
6. @@LEADER@@ is adamant that ponies aren't just for little girls
#577 Second World Problems
3. international television adverts praise the nation as a worker's paradise
#579 Real Handwriting Has Curves
1. urban graffiti is hand-calligraphed in perfectly kerned elegant fonts
#580 @@NAME@@ Taking Leave of Its Census?
3. the suicide rate mysteriously skyrockets during census years
#581 Fair to Say...?
2. intellectual snobbery has the cognoscenti sneering at anyone who doesn't have an opinion on the semiological drift of Umberto Eco's works
#582 Augmented Reality Check
3. people seem disproportionately distraught when told a museum has a phones-off policy
#583 Don't Be a Busk-Kill
4. funerals are often rudely interrupted by juggling clowns shouting for volunteers from the audience
5. contestants on @@NAME@@'s Got Talent are screened by the government to make sure that they actually have talent
#592 Infamy! Infamy! They've All Got It in for Me!
3. the tawdry celebrity gossip section has moved to the front page of most newspapers
#596 Primogeniture Problems
3. distant and obscure male relatives succeed to the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ throne
#600 Making a House a Home
1. @@LEADER@@'s luxurious new home has been designated as a protected cultural heritage site
#602 Hobby Lobby
2. policy reversals are more often graceful demi-détournés than u-turns
6. a light facial coating of soot is seen as the mark of an honest and hardworking man
#603 Not My Idea
3. not many kids know Shakespeare's Hamlet but most of them have seen unofficial sequel Hamlet III - The Search For Osric
#609 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@, Drugs, and Rock'n'Roll
1. @@LEADER@@'s peyote-induced "let's all just be friends" speech is trending world-wide
3. the sanitised and dull music festivals of @@NAME@@ are famed for their reasonable volume levels
#612 A Petty Issue
1. golden statues of @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ line the memorial avenues of the Funerary District
#613 A Nude Day, a Nude Awakening...
3. t-shirts displaying a photo of @@LEADER@@ performing the Full-Monty are selling out
#617 Who's This Little Rascal?
2. colonials are offended to find a local animal has been re-named the 'Furry Four-Legged Marsupial @@ANIMAL@@'
#625 Delivering the Goods
1. the 'Museum Of Stuff We Stole' is a tourist favourite
4. the government has declared that monochrome cinema is the next big thing
#632 Dying for a Kiss
2. bemused citizens are encouraged to sing foreign-language hymns of religions they have never heard of
#633 Sound Judgement
7. you need two tenors and a coloratura contralto to sing the national anthem properly
#634 Bullet Time
4. pootling steam trains carry delighted tourists and frustrated businessmen from city to city at a snail's pace
#637 Little Pizza History
1. the nation has nearly as many history museums as @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@
#642 This Way's Kinder
1. squeaky high prepubescent voices recite the patriotic poem "Hail to The Leader!" before each meal
#643 No Small Wonder
3. the Great Pyramid of @@CAPITAL@@ can be seen from miles away
5. the new classical revitalization of @@CAPITAL@@ is expected to be completed sometime in the next century
#644 The Old Grey Matter
1. the government officially wants you to slow down and speak more clearly
#648 Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
3. it's considered a valid legal defence to say "a demon made me do it"
#649 Made in Maxtopia
2. restaurants are required to specify whether their toilet paper was made in @@NAME@@
3. there are no bananas today in @@NAME@@
#655 No Bones About It
1. barbed wire entanglements and guard towers surround the @@CAPITAL@@ Natural History Museum
#659 Ramping Up the Difficulty
3. the government is known to care more about its buildings than its people
#661 Scouting for Boys, Girls... Anyone?
3. truancy officers have a hard time catching children trained in advanced camouflage skills
#662 Playful Petitions Pester Politicians
4. @@LEADER@@ is spearheading a new fashion trend of wearing swimming goggles and medieval armour
#664 Your Land or Mine
2. the hardest thing for a mining operation to dig through is government red tape
#665 In Nomine Ecclesiae
2. hymns sung by popular choirs top the billboard charts
#668 How to Examine Your Testees
2. school children asked "what is two times two?" are likely to form a symposium to discuss how different answers make them feel
#670 A Wolf in Refugee's Clothing
3. terrorists are on a first name basis with the officials that stamp their passports
#673 The Deportation of Mr. B. Leeper
3. the nation faces constant invasions by foreign boy bands
#683 Different Keystrokes for Different Folks
3. kids who move from attending a public school in the city to the country often struggle in goat milking class
#694 Concussive Percussion
2. dynamite sales and concert audiences are booming
3. tuba players are paid to quietly whisper into their instruments
#701 Monumental Melodrama
2. statue-sitting has replaced the stake-out as the dullest form of police duty
#703 Divine Decoration
2. garishly-decorated government buildings are being hailed as the height of 'religious nouveau'
3. garishly-decorated government buildings are being hailed as the height of 'religious nouveau'
#719 Buried Bones Unearth Debate
3. citizens try to pass off bottlecaps they found in their backyards as historical artifacts
#721 A Lack of Comma Sense
2. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are fixin' ta comma any way they wanna
#735 Rap Sheet
3. songs in 4/4 time are simply too common for the musical cognoscenti
#737 Bird-Brained Diplomacy
3. when the air force says "Black Hawk Down" they mean the feathers of the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ dark-plume goshawk
#738 Cruel or Unusual?
1. drug lords often avoid prison time by teaching "chemistry" classes to underprivileged youth
#746 [The Enemy Within] There's a Place
1. for 25 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ tourists can gawk at the site of national tragedy
#747 The Plane Truth
5. Air @@NAME@@ is rumored to receive more government funding than the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Air Force
6. Air @@NAME@@ is rumored to receive more government funding than the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Air Force
#764 Dude, Where's My Elected Representative?
3. politicians are often seen attending regional history classes at primary schools within their constituencies
#768 Trouble Brewing
2. the nation grinds to a halt for afternoon tea
#769 How to Print Money?
4. shopkeepers use microscopes to verify the authenticity of banknotes
#772 Do You Have Artistic License?
3. the right school tie opens more doors than the right qualification
#778 Mal Appetit!
2. celebrity foodies are biting a huge chunk out of the government budget
#788 Duel Purposes
4. angry men scowl at each other across chess boards
#801 Animation Provocation
3. toy versions of heroin paraphernalia let kids pretend to be their favourite TV characters
4. the realistic depiction of tentacles is on the core syllabus of most art schools
#802 No Lock, No Gun Stock, and No Smoking Barrels
4. wars are filled with soldiers wielding machetes and chainsaws for safety reasons
#803 Park That Thought
2. cogitators and mass debaters are skiving off work to hang around the National Symposium Park
#818 We Are Not Amused
4. visitors to Violet Rock City are stunned to learn that they must memorize the "99 Principles" before entering
#820 These Heels Weren't Made for Working
3. ruff times are ahead for those who aren't keen on party costumes
#821 A Switch in Time Kills Nine
3. it is illegal to have the wrong clock time showing on your microwave oven
#829 Winning at Battleship
4. a rusted hulk in @@CAPITAL@@ harbour has been voted the worst eyesore in @@REGION@@
#831 Give Us a Break, @@LEADER@@
1. collisions between bicycles and carnival floats are on the rise
#853 Silence Is Golden
1. on-call doctors who check their pagers during movies are banned from cinemas for life
2. citizens no longer take selfies with their dead relatives at funerals
#856 You Got Stones
1. the experimental sculpture "Overtures In Dried @@ANIMAL@@ Dung" has been declared a national treasure
2. Brancaland has gifted over nine thousand putrid moose carcasses to @@NAME@@ as a reminder of their "special relationship"
#867 Museums: Things of the Past?
1. museums have more touchscreens on display than artifacts
2. education is transforming people into first-rate snobs
3. the Gallery of Instasnap is the most popular museum in the country
4. the Gallery of Amusing Cat Photographs is the most popular museum in the country
#876 Sequels: The Saga Continues
2. this year's televised Budget Forecast has been cancelled because there was already one last year
3. movie producers send film critics wads of cash in their morning newspapers in anticipation of gushing praise
#880 Oh @@NAME@@, What Obscene Children's Books You Have
2. explicit slash fiction is repackaged for kindergarten kids as stories about friends cuddling friends
3. preschools put children down for naps with milk, cookies, and a gruesome story of vengeance
#887 Thin Skin
1. nature magazines featuring stick insects on their covers are sometimes mistaken for fashion magazines
4. bronze and marble supplies are running low as sculptors depict full-figured subjects
#888 Criminal Patterns
1. road signs are getting harder to read under layers of knitted woolen cardigans
#891 Preach It!
2. street preachers sell salvation with a side order of shame on every corner
#892 The Old Metric
1. an extra hand on the leg will give a horse-and-a-half of lead in a hundred jiffies on seven furlongs
#899 Uncultured Singles in Your Area
1. the law forbids arson, murder, and low-quality cheese
2. there's a revolutionary culture in the nation's dairies
#902 Killer App
6. there'll be no comeback tour for many former boy bands
#905 Stage Directions
2. in musicals everybody's a little bit racist
4. five-hundred-twenty-five-thousand-six-hundred revivals is how theatre-goers measure a year
#906 Internet Killed the Television Star
2. the television adaptation of Jennifer Government is the most popular program in the nation
#909 On the Fence
1. a few immigrants are better than no immigrants according to @@LEADER@@
#914 Shepherds Without a Flock
4. the dwindling faithful in the nation make expensive pilgrimages to the remaining places of worship
#920 Central Planning Theatrics
2. theatre audiences often need a telescope to see the stage
#934 @@LEADER@@, Don't Tear Down That Wall!
1. a blood-red mark on the doorframe means a building must be passed over for destruction
3. government theft from poor artists to give to rich allies has been dubbed the "reverse Robin Hood" policy
#940 The Court of the Crimson Lord
1. a typical peasant's life cycle leads from birth to the gallows
#946 Better In Than Out
1. wrongful arrests abound as 'criminals' blame the guy next to them
3. there's a lot of hot air coming from the Capitol Building
#957 Putrid Predicament
3. the diplomatic corps stinks
#959 A-Major Debate
1. elementary school students are required to master Bach's Chaconne in D before graduation
#963 The @@LEADER@@ Meme
4. the latest political memes depict @@LEADER@@ as an overly-choreographed robot
#965 Like a Bull in a Dàguó Shop
4. card collectors duel to the death
#966 As You Don't Like It
2. minstrels carrying coconut shells provide sound effects wherever their nobles wander
3. stoogery and pratfalls are about as scathingly clever as @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ humor gets
#968 @@NAME@@ Falls Flat in Singing Contest
1. foreign lack of enthusiasm for @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ nose-flute disco metal is seen as a reasonable casus belli
2. most pop videos prominently feature the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ flag
#972 Sing Heil!
1. concert halls sport signs proclaiming "No Shorts, Sandals or Swastikas"
#977 Tragedy of Wounded Earlobe
1. the stacked neck-ring is this season's hottest fashion item
4. the government evicts ethnic minorities by stranding them in the wilderness
#979 A Patronising Statement
1. the nation's best artists are considered pretty easy to beat
2. a popular artist is claiming that a raw steak with a dog turd on it is a portrait of @@LEADER@@
#984 A Midsummer Night's Snooze-Fest
1. some are born loving old plays and some have old plays thrust upon them
4. all the playground's a stage for @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ schoolchildren
#989 Gunman Wounds Three
1. gun-wielding gangsters sometimes deal death from as far as ten paces away
#996 Scripting a Change?
2. it is considered unpatriotic to learn a foreign language
#1031 Down in the Groove
1. seven-year-olds debate for weeks on the merits of the Oxford comma
#1033 Someone to Watch Over Me
1. trade deals are born to the sound of a royal woman's anguished screams
#1035 Bringing a Bayonet to a Gunfight
1. soldiers' positions are given away by the glint of their bayonets
3. posing for pictures is an integral part of military training
#1036 When in Maxtopia
2. at least 1% of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs budget goes to @@LEADER@@'s wardrobe
4. the nation was recently voted as the most stylish in @@REGION@@
#1040 A Recipe for Success?
3. days begin with afternoon tea
#1043 Foundering Fashionistas
3. artists attempt to convince the Hardship Fund that their unmade bed is a masterpiece
#1044 OK Stupid
2. it is quite common for bar patrons to discuss Wittgenstein over cordials and games of backgammon
#1077 With Friends Like These...
2. primetime re-runs of The Black and White Minstrel Show are a critical hit
#1078 Down With That?
3. ship captains always order a return to port at the slightest sign of rain
#1081 The Queen in Yellow
3. gossip magazines are more interested in astrological stars than celebrity ones
#1084 How Now Kowtow?
1. arthritic citizens seem underrepresented at royal meet-and-greets
#1086 Fun in the Sun
1. the 'sing-a-long with @@LEADER@@' album is a popular souvenir
2. tourists are duped into trimming hedges for the horsy-set
4. awkward tourists are offered the 'unique experience' of rodeo clown
#1090 I Ain't Afraid of No Girls
4. films are funded in accordance with the volume of tears shed when reading the screenplay
#1099 New Satellite Blues
5. the government's new priority is citizens' access to cat videos
6. the government's new priority is citizens' access to cat videos
#1100 Raiders of the Lost Archive
2. few that venture into government archives are ever seen again
3. the government's giant servers are often used as a tourist trap
#1101 Unreal
5. Chekhov's guns are killing the entertainment budget
#1104 Balancing the Books
1. books are often used as kindling
3. the book "Zen and the Art of Dog Maintenance" is inexplicably a worldwide success
#1105 A Green History Lesson
2. residents of ageing concrete tower blocks have vital renovation work stopped by Brutalism enthusiasts
#1145 Your Wild Self(ie)
4. teenagers are making eye contact with each other for the first time in years
#1152 Everybody Was Kung-Fu Fighting!
3. the 'three Rs' have become the 'four Rs' with the addition of Rightful Thought
#1154 Foreign Tax Credits Leave Film Industry Reeling
1. citizens who leave the nation for work are instantly charged with treason
4. the @@CAPITAL@@ Film Festival recently voted '@@DEMONYMNOUN@@ Getting Hit By Football' as best film
#1157 Rodney and Julietta
4. heartfelt sentiments are mercilessly marketed by a million-@@CURRENCY@@ treacle machine
#1163 Some Assembly Required
2. group hugs break out during floor votes
#1166 Acres Wild
2. the backs of 'No Trespassing' signs were made for you and me
#1169 An Old Head on Young Shoulders
1. museum employees look down on short people
#1179 Nothing Fishy
4. fly fishermen are legally forbidden from using electronic lures
#1181 Jolly Jousting Japes
1. the saying 'break a leg' is now taken literally
#1202 A Timely Intervention
3. the well-to-do in @@REGION@@ are never on time for important appointments
#1203 The Fandom Menace
1. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ novella fans become unusually flustered when thinking about @@LEADER@@
#1207 Next, Please!
2. nobody thinks that the Godfather was bettered by Part 2
#1220 Barely Any Art
1. masterpieces by male artists are on display in the dumpsters behind the gallery
#1221 Man of the People
2. politicians can be condescending (which by the way means "showing an attitude of patronising superiority")
#1223 Courting Bankruptcy
2. royals are always ready with their diamond-encrusted toilet plungers in case a royal flush doesn't work
3. nephews and nieces of the monarch resort to begging from relatives in palace halls
#1238 No Shoes, No Service
2. signs saying "No Poor People or Weirdoes" are common outside shops and cafés
#1257 It's a Kind of Magic
4. paranoid museum guards keep a lookout for any animated displays attempting to escape the premises after dark
#1262 Dead Tasty
2. the dessert 'Death by Chocolate' isn't the most lethal dish on the menu
3. there's a mortuary next to every @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ restaurant
#1271 Cathedrals Have Never Been Hotter
2. rebuilding efforts for a recently destroyed cathedral aren't expected to be completed for another century
#1286 Burning Over a New Leaf
2. it's a marvellous night for a moon dance as the sparks on your home start to rise
#1317 Nanny State
1. practically perfect royal toddlers tend to say "regrettably not at this juncture" rather than "no"
#1323 Toss the Coin?
2. the newest East Lebatuckese coins have "long live East Lebatuck" on heads and "death to @@NAME@@" on tails
#1341 Caught Off Guard
1. it isn't only obsequious grandees who produce a lot of manure at state occasions
#1350 The @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Are Coming!
4. a degree of self-hatred is vital for a future in politics
#1358 Who's In Your Wallet?
1. the nation honors the inventor of the three-wheeled steam-powered @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ weed picker
2. internet searches for the inventor of the three-wheeled steam-powered @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ weed picker are way up
#1425 @@LEADER@@'s New Clothes
2. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ believe manners maketh the leader
#1445 The Dialectics of Dialects
1. the official @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Phrase Book weighs as much as a small child
#1446 Yet Another Issue About Periods
2. children spend all morning taking out a comma and all afternoon putting it back in again
#1471 @@LEADER@@ and the Lost Chamber of Vetoes
1. old fossils give the tours at the parliamentary museum
2. the parliament doubled in size recently
3. the parliament doubled in size recently
#1474 Cuy Bono?
2. @@CAPITAL@@ has restaurants serving every meat from aardvark to zebra
#1478 Two Sides of a Coin
3. the nation's museums are real penny-pinchers
#1495 Throwing Paleontologists a Bone
1. kids looking for shark teeth have become ancient history
#1509 Parks and Aggravation
6. visitors to Graffiti Warrens National Park are offered a complimentary tetanus vaccination
#1521 The Bells! The Bells!
2. families must live in a village for a century before they get any say in how it runs
#1523 Don't Tread on My Money
2. a shocking number of estate planners are beneficiaries of their clients' wills
#1525 @@LEADER@@: The Musical!
2. community theaters are known for their bawdy renditions of 'Springtime for @@LEADER@@'
4. @@LEADER@@ accepted United Federation theatrical awards for Best Writer and Best Actress on behalf of the absent recipients

Removed by:

Sometimes removed by:

#42 Turn Down That Racket, Say Morality Police
1. radio stations are forbidden to play anything with too much drum or bass
#52 Is It Art or Is It Porn?
1. artists regularly face criminal charges and art-burning parties are common
2. all artwork is carefully screened for offensive material
#56 "Give Us Money!" Quoth the Poet
2. the government has cut its subsidies for all special interest groups
3. poets and writers are regularly rounded up and shot for entertainment
#109 Karate Kids Cause Controversy
3. the use of martial arts is banned
#110 Too Low on Laws, Say Citizens
2. the land is famous throughout the region for its rampant lawlessness
#114 Wipe Out Graffiti?
1. graffiti artists spend lengthy periods of time in jail
2. Renaissance frescos are being chiselled off public walls
#124 To Paint or Not to Paint?
1. the studies of art and philosophy are banned
3. only the brainiest citizens become academics
#128 Ban the Burka?
3. government officials raid public buildings to remove all mention of G*d or r******n
#129 Tribal Troubles
2. the tribal zone has been opened to up to 'economic interest' groups
3. the tribal zone has been opened to up to 'economic interest' groups
4. native tribes have been driven to extinction by hunting
#131 Raise Duel Standards, Say Fencers
2. arbitration is mightier than the sword
#143 An Archaeological Altercation
2. major archaeological findings are frequently bulldozed to make way for new buildings
#154 Ban the 'Boards, Say Pedestrians
1. skateboarding is punishable by heavy fines
#169 @@ANIMAL@@ Hunting Laws Under Dispute
1. the upper class have been throwing riots after hunting was recently banned
3. main battle tanks stalk the woods of @@NAME@@ in search of @@ANIMALPLURAL@@
#181 Radio Rebels Ruffle Government
2. a spate of enforced closures has left 'Government FM' as the nation's only radio station
#245 Clash of Cultures
3. religious figures have been banned from public holidays to make them more multicultural
6. the word 'foreigner' is considered a highly vulgar expletive
#273 Is Our Children Learning?
3. the state believes that children are what you make of them
4. the state believes that children are what you make of them
#276 Circus Clowns Cause Chaos!
1. strange looking men with big red noses are found hiding behind bushes and inside dustbins
#287 Maxtopians Demand Return of the King
1. museums stand half-empty as all foreign exhibits are returned to their countries of origin
3. the 'Half King of Maxtopia' exhibit is the least popular amongst museum-goers
4. museums occasionally burn priceless artifacts in order to intimidate foreign curators
#293 Maestro, Please
2. concert pianists lie about their occupation to avoid ridicule
3. concert pianists lie about their occupation to avoid ridicule
#303 Digital Revolution Requires Re-Evaluation
4. almost all the visible space on TV screens is taken up by advertising
#319 Sizing Up the Competition
1. teams of painters are converting road signs from horse lengths to kilometers
#334 Blot Out Bauhaus?
2. surrealist houses shaped like mushrooms and volcanoes dominate the wealthiest neighborhoods
#336 Polygamy Causes Division
3. vitriolic divorce proceedings have become prime-time television
#343 Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?
1. discarded pennies litter the streets
#378 The War to End All Wars
3. anniversaries of major historical events pass unnoticed
#382 The Appropriate Amount of Appropriation
4. immigrants are asked to leave their cultural traditions and pride at the border
#415 Brain Pain on the Sports Plain
1. student athletes gaze forlornly at abandoned @@ANIMAL@@ball fields
#440 Jumping the Sharknado
3. 'Police Academy 36' and 'Sharknados On A Plane' are vying for top spot at the box-office
#451 A Proselyte to Burn
1. the "fire department" is often called to remove offensive religious texts
#467 Saving Your Own Foreskin
4. getting a haircut is a punishable offence
#476 A Farewell to Raised Arms?
3. bored politicians often entertain themselves with games of Simon during important votes
#478 The Show Must Go On
2. teens are voting on which C-List pop star will be next to be evicted from the opera house
3. mournful opera fans place bouquets of roses at a 3000 capacity parking lot
#487 Masks of Shame
1. country folk are sent to obligatory boarding schools to learn how to be civilized
#490 The Long and Winding Halls of @@CAPITAL@@
1. auditors are gutting every governmental department
#492 The Artwork in the Attic
2. rare art has become a significant factor in negotiating all foreign trade agreements
#501 Munchkins in Makeup
1. school plays were recently banned due to concerns of child endangerment
#510 Possession, Protection or Poppycock?
1. tie-dye has been outlawed for being 'too occult'
#518 Face Lift
3. the nation's government buildings are remarkable for being ugly concrete boxes
#525 Nowhere to Go!
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have replaced bears in a popular idiom
#527 The Body Politic
2. royalist is the most offensive slur in the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ language
3. royalist is the most offensive slur in the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ language
4. royalist is the most offensive slur in the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ language
#529 Attack of the Attack Ads
3. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ politics is literally a blood sport
#536 Any Witch Way Spells Disaster
4. no one believes anything until it has been strenuously tested and peer-reviewed
#538 @@LEADER@@, Let Your People Go!
1. over a third of the seats in sports stadiums have been removed to make room for female-only commodes
#539 All My Bits Are Belong to You
4. the nation has reverted back to an agrarian society after anything more advanced than the wheel was banned
#543 Flash, Aaaaaargh!
4. oddly patriotic flash mobs spontaneously sing the national anthem
#546 Dumpster Divers Dividing Denizens
1. nighttime sightings of raccoons sporting Circle-A patches and bandanna masks are on the rise
#549 Feasting or Fasting?
2. teens reminisce about when birthdays weren't celebrated with a cool glass of cabbage juice and a slice of corn-cream topped millet cake
#554 Welcome to --CENSORED--
1. a proud mining community is considering a rebellion after the Capital officially renamed them 'District XII'
#556 Here Be Dragons?
1. young children are learning advanced physics to scientifically disprove the existence of Santa Claus
2. all fantasy fiction has officially been deemed non-canon
#579 Real Handwriting Has Curves
2. signatures have been replaced with illegible scribbles
3. kids are exceptionally good at digging holes
#583 Don't Be a Busk-Kill
1. the @@CAPITAL@@ Prison Revue puts on a better stage show than anything in the Theatre District
2. penniless buskers are singing for their supper
3. singing in public is only allowed if you are singing the praise of the Motherland
#596 Primogeniture Problems
1. the monarchy has adopted absolute primogeniture
2. the monarchy has adopted absolute primogeniture
5. only women may wear the crown of @@NAME@@
#598 A Violet Trojan Horse
3. burning members of the Order of Violet is the nation's favorite pastime
#603 Not My Idea
4. the legal minefield around ownership of fiction has demolished the publishing industry
5. science fiction invariably depicts socialist societies as Utopian
#609 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@, Drugs, and Rock'n'Roll
2. denied drugs and entertainment the nation's youth are taking to petty crime to alleviate their boredom
#617 Who's This Little Rascal?
3. an increasing number of animal species are named 'Bob'
4. cute fluffy little @@LEADERPLURAL@@ are increasingly popular exotic pets
#621 Blue Collar Blues
4. libraries are replacing history books and classic novels with technical manuals and trades directories to match the nation's changing demands
#633 Sound Judgement
4. citizens have voted the song "@@LEADER@@ Smells Like @@A@@ @@ANIMAL@@" as their new national anthem
#634 Bullet Time
1. in life full of care there is no time to stop and stare
2. farmers are complaining that the buzzing and the sparks from the nearby MagRail are blighting their crops
#637 Little Pizza History
2. the nation is known abroad for fast food and nothing else
#643 No Small Wonder
4. the nation is well known for its rather dull and family-friendly architecture
#655 No Bones About It
2. oddly simian-looking religious thugs beat up anyone who suggests humans are related to monkeys
#659 Ramping Up the Difficulty
1. excessive wheelchair ramps on government buildings have been compared to theme park attractions
#661 Scouting for Boys, Girls... Anyone?
4. selfie stick use is a required Scout badge
#664 Your Land or Mine
1. no-one can foil the ambitions of Big Aluminium
3. indigenous tribal elders can be recognised by their designer watches and expensive suits
#668 How to Examine Your Testees
1. 4-year-olds studying for their mathematics exams are anxious that they will be unemployable in adulthood if they fail
3. home education can sometimes be a load of bullocks
#670 A Wolf in Refugee's Clothing
2. tourists are denied entry because of a distant relative married to a Lilliputian
#673 The Deportation of Mr. B. Leeper
1. foreign musicians that @@LEADER@@ dislikes are turned away at the border
2. dangerous criminals are often 'accidentally' sent on one-way trips to Maxtopia
#681 @@NAME@@'s New Year's Resolution: Lose Fewer Limbs
2. parties that are too noisy are broken up to prevent disturbing wildlife
#684 Murder Most Deniable?
3. the Foreign Ministry thinks an eye for an eye is a blindingly good idea
#687 Marriage by Proxy Server
1. many marriages go virtually unconsummated
#694 Concussive Percussion
1. military parades quietly tiptoe their way through the streets
#695 How to Succeed in Business Without Really Paying Taxes
3. anyone claiming to be a messiah is promptly put to death
#700 The Widow Raven
4. it is unwise to be a poet even if things rhyme and you don't know it
#701 Monumental Melodrama
1. all statues and paintings of dogs are being destroyed to avoid offending cat-lovers
3. a sledgehammer and a spray can are seen as the default tools of political debate
#703 Divine Decoration
4. the hills are alive with the smell of burning flesh
#712 Flight of the Rich and Famous
1. people are careful to avoid hyperbolising that they'd "rather die" than support @@LEADER@@
#719 Buried Bones Unearth Debate
4. having skeletons in one's closet is no longer just a macabre idiom
5. having skeletons in one's closet is no longer just a macabre idiom
#721 A Lack of Comma Sense
1. serial commas clarify the relationship between one's lackeys, the taxpayers, and kinsfolk
#727 Market Crash
2. historic buildings are being demolished to allow for road-widening in the city centre
#731 Is There an Election in Marche Noire or Are You Just Happy to See Us?
3. the Great @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Melting Pot boils out ethnic heritage
#735 Rap Sheet
1. stony-faced prosecutors play loud gangster rap music during court proceedings
#747 The Plane Truth
4. Air @@NAME@@ tickets have reached sky-high prices due to a complete monopoly on air travel
#749 Not Mushroom for Error
2. undergrads find their professors' mushroom experiments less psychedelic than expected
#759 Marry, Marry, Quite Contrarily
3. the government's stance on marriage is 'Let @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ marry themselves'
#767 Xe Said, Zhe Said
3. youth call each other types of vegetables in lieu of government-banned racial insults
#768 Trouble Brewing
1. black tea is only available on the black market
3. machine-peeled candied grapes come in individual packaging for the busy commuter
#778 Mal Appetit!
1. those who don't have a bean to spend don't know a bean about Brasilistanian coffee beans
#786 Tainted Tattoos
3. clergy do their best to cover up their old tattoos
#788 Duel Purposes
3. Harry Potter conventions are closely watched by the government for any signs of 'dueling'
#801 Animation Provocation
1. Tom and Jerry cartoons have cat and mouse resolving their problems with reasoned discussion
2. military doctrine says not to open fire until you see the "beady little eyes" of Johnny Foreigner
#821 A Switch in Time Kills Nine
1. there's a bright dawn ahead for @@NAME@@
#831 Give Us a Break, @@LEADER@@
5. sick days are on the rise
#834 Government and CO
4. centuries-old marble buildings are being torn down and replaced with corrugated steel wind tunnels
#838 The Bark Knight Rises
4. comic books avoid plot inconsistencies by removing the plot
5. adults hang around outside comic stores to ask kids to go and buy magazines for them
#845 A Comedy of Errors
3. illegal book-trafficking rings dominate the black market
#853 Silence Is Golden
3. from the highest mountain to the deepest cave - one can always count on finding a good cell signal in @@NAME@@
#856 You Got Stones
3. art criticism in @@NAME@@ is scathingly destructive
#867 Museums: Things of the Past?
5. the nation's historic treasures have been sold off to Maxtopia's "Museum of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Artifacts That They're Too Stupid to Appreciate"
#876 Sequels: The Saga Continues
1. '@@ANIMAL@@nado 6: You Gotta Be Kidding Me' is this summer's top-grossing movie
#880 Oh @@NAME@@, What Obscene Children's Books You Have
1. The Very Hungry Caterpillar has been banned for advocating gluttony
#888 Criminal Patterns
2. a stitch in time could see you serving nine
3. schoolchildren are arrested for possessing sidewalk chalk without a permit
#891 Preach It!
1. citizens are prohibited from raising their voice above thirty decibels in commercial districts
#905 Stage Directions
1. theatre may or may not be changing for the better but it is being changed for good
3. God took rock and roll from you, took rock and roll from everyone
#909 On the Fence
2. bilingual @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are viewed with suspicion
#920 Central Planning Theatrics
4. it is mandatory for actors to exit stage left
#934 @@LEADER@@, Don't Tear Down That Wall!
2. the jackhammer is considered a tool of artistic criticism
#947 Imitation Station
3. traffic news is delivered to drivers via carrier pigeon
#949 Jailhouses Rocked!
5. rock and roll involves rolling literal rocks in prison
#950 Borderline Pandemic
4. hotels often double as quarantine zones
#959 A-Major Debate
2. music teachers are commonly seen busking in order to fund their music programs
3. music teachers are commonly seen busking in order to fund their music programs
5. students who do not recite the national anthem each morning have to drop and give their teacher 50
#966 As You Don't Like It
1. caroling is considered a public disturbance
#977 Tragedy of Wounded Earlobe
2. it is broadly agreed that tramp stamps are criminally undesirable
#979 A Patronising Statement
3. modern @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ art is so hot right now
4. Snapgram-filtered portraits adorn the walls of stately homes
#984 A Midsummer Night's Snooze-Fest
5. chrome-clad space marines are such stuff that dreams are made on
6. hammer and sickle-wielding space marines are such stuff that dreams are made on
#989 Gunman Wounds Three
2. children cry as government officials steal their water pistols
#996 Scripting a Change?
1. textbooks are exactly twice as heavy as they used to be
3. the team in charge of creating a new writing system have spent months deciding whether or not to use serif or sans-serif characters
4. the libraries of @@NAME@@ are staffed by lone, lonely librarians
#1033 Someone to Watch Over Me
4. former royals stand on the street corner with signs reading "will cut ribbons for money"
#1035 Bringing a Bayonet to a Gunfight
2. running away is an essential part of the elite forces' hand-to-hand training
#1048 Tatty Treaty Spat Turns Catty
4. the term "Native @@DEMONYMNOUN@@" has been redefined as anyone with the same skin color as the majority
#1073 Much Ado About Everything
5. saying the word 'eggplant' is now a criminal offense
#1074 Halting the Heirloom Heist!
1. monarchs only get custody of the royal crown on holidays and weekends
3. royal princesses are recognizable by their plastic tiaras
#1077 With Friends Like These...
1. television characters who ask how someone's doing are charged with harassment
#1081 The Queen in Yellow
1. insanely good theatre productions face government censorship
#1084 How Now Kowtow?
4. ex-royals are being greeted by a whole new set of gestures
#1094 A Political Cover-Up
1. foreign ambassadors never get to see what @@NAME@@ has to offer
#1100 Raiders of the Lost Archive
1. brave curators do battle with disorganised government libraries
4. the nation tends not to learn from its history
#1103 Dàguó Takeaway
2. one can walk from one side of @@CAPITAL@@ to the other without setting foot on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ soil
#1104 Balancing the Books
4. newspapers print only headlines
#1105 A Green History Lesson
1. the statue in the @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@ Plaza has a solar panel for a hat
#1121 Tribes and Tribulations
3. foreign policy often involves bullwhips and leather
#1128 Get Thee Behind Me, Santa
4. favourite sermons have replaced campfire horror stories on teenage wilderness trips
#1154 Foreign Tax Credits Leave Film Industry Reeling
3. taxpayer-funded government ads are promoting Brancaland as a premier filming location
#1169 An Old Head on Young Shoulders
3. many believe that you can't repeat history's mistakes if you don't care what they were
#1181 Jolly Jousting Japes
2. motorbike jousters live young and die fast
3. motorbike jousters live young and die fast
#1202 A Timely Intervention
5. citizens pray for sunshine so that they can use illicit sundials for timekeeping
#1205 Heir Today, Gone Tomorrow
5. coconut-half banging former royals skip around the countryside seeking gullible peasants to rule
#1207 Next, Please!
1. "Mad Max: Returning Again to Barrydrome" is this year's unexpected summer blockbuster
#1221 Man of the People
1. politicians always seem to take two steps forward then three steps back
3. former state leaders include a TV comic and a cowboy actor
#1223 Courting Bankruptcy
4. the monarchy goes down the drain with a royal flush
5. the monarchy goes down the drain with a royal flush
#1238 No Shoes, No Service
1. posh restaurants scatter glass fragments on the dining room floor to keep out barefoot undesirables
#1257 It's a Kind of Magic
1. every day has been a surprise since weather reporters turned to consulting ancient totems for their seven-day forecasts
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ soldiers are assured their new ray-guns will finally power up after the next round of ominous chanting
3. populations of two-headed @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ have been found around recently-uncovered archaeological sites
5. religious officials are furious after discovering that things made of stone do not burn well at the stake
#1262 Dead Tasty
1. the dish 'poisson avec poison' is only available on the black market
#1271 Cathedrals Have Never Been Hotter
1. sermons are regularly interrupted by businessmen taking phone calls
3. small towns have started burning historical buildings in hopes of attracting tourists
#1278 A Textbook Cover-Up?
3. a petition to improve @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ literacy is mostly signed with cross-marks
#1296 Once Upon a Time
3. the holiday spirit must not be taken to the max
#1341 Caught Off Guard
4. unprotected royals have replaced their corgis with rottweilers
#1351 Come Give @@LEADER@@ a Kiss!
4. Mona Lola's famous mysterious smile is being altered to resemble @@LEADER@@'s enigmatic grin
#1358 Who's In Your Wallet?
5. the elderly don't know who the dickens adorns the face of newly-issued banknotes
#1445 The Dialectics of Dialects
2. faking deafness is the only way to guarantee a holiday in the nation
3. every citizen sounds like a television news anchor
#1446 Yet Another Issue About Periods
1. teachers are dying as they attempt to read 500 word essays without pausing for breath
#1474 Cuy Bono?
1. eating kids as food has been enshrined in law
#1478 Two Sides of a Coin
1. asking 'a penny for your thoughts?' draws law enforcement response
2. asking 'a penny for your thoughts?' draws law enforcement response
#1492 Smoke on the Water
1. middle-aged metal fans quite enjoy being called "rebellious youths" by even older politicians
#1495 Throwing Paleontologists a Bone
2. academics have a bone to pick with free market entrepreneurs
#1511 Three Little Words
8. short is not always sweet
#1521 The Bells! The Bells!
1. chicken farmers must rise before the sun every day to gag their cockerels
#1525 @@LEADER@@: The Musical!
1. citizens can freely debate whether @@LEADER@@ is a great leader or the greatest leader
3. songs of praise to @@LEADER@@ are filled with coded messages from the resistance

national health service

Gained from:

#48 Give Us Healthcare or Give Us Death!
1. the government is spending millions to provide full health care for all citizens
4. the government is spending millions to provide full health care for all citizens
#117 Stop the Suits, Say Surgeons
4. the study of medicine is popular throughout @@NAME@@
#337 Doctors Crossing Borders?
3. people eagerly queue days at A&E to wait for their free healthcare
#748 [The Enemy Within] In Spite of All the Danger
2. the new universal healthcare system has been dubbed @@LEADER@@-care by its detractors
#771 Drug Up the Prices
3. former pharmaceutical company owners have lost their healthy incomes

Removed by:

#110 Too Low on Laws, Say Citizens
2. the land is famous throughout the region for its rampant lawlessness
#152 A Capital Idea
1. the government has returned all business to private ownership
#192 Coup d'Etat in @@NAME@@!
1. the national government has been dissolved by revolutionary insurgents
#203 Suffer the Starving Children?
3. the well-off are enjoying tax cuts while famine kills off the poor and destitute
#217 Healthcare Services Underfunded, Claim Patients
5. the NHS has recently been discontinued
#461 If at First You Don't Succeed...
5. the health budget has been diverted into prolonging @@LEADER@@'s life
#1049 Hard Times Ahead?
3. there's stiff competition in the medical marketplace

otherworldly petting zoo

Gained from:

#474 Mesozoic Park
1. sexually-starved male dinosaurs terrorise tourists during weekly breakouts from Mesozoic Park

Sometimes gained from:

#1424 Here's Looking at Zoo, Kid
1. recapturing giraffes is proving to be a tall order
#1501 Diamond in the Rough
2. endangered bison are herded across the border to prevent them from trampling on native prairie grass
3. endangered bison are herded across the border to prevent them from trampling on native prairie grass

Removed by:

#431 Gone a Stray!
3. animal control is going door-to-door releasing all pets back into the wild
#547 Fantastic Beasts and How @@NAME@@ Harmed Them
1. poaching has been on the rise after animals from the nation's zoos were released into the wild
#883 Who Let the Dinos Out?
1. romantic sunsets are no longer interrupted by explosions and monstrous roars
3. monster hunters with oversized swords roam the land

parental licensing program

Gained from:

#164 Licence to Breed?
1. citizens wishing to be parents must undertake a series of gruelling tests to evaluate their capabilities
#364 It's UterUs, Not UterYou!
3. underground copulation clubs have sprung up in major cities
#448 It Takes a Village
2. parents who fail mandatory parenting classes risk having their children taken away
#499 The Genetics of Aesthetics
2. the newest generation of @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are nearly clone-like in appearance
#523 A Family Affair
3. government-sanctioned speed mating is rife with Party-sanctioned abuse of power
#1308 One in the Oven
1. the government makes bereaved siblings into bereaved orphans

Removed by:

#300 Trafficked Tots Trouble
3. prospective parents are cheering on the streets as they no longer need a license to have children
#1146 Mother Knows Best?
3. posters encourage people to "Just Do It!"

pith helmet sales

Gained from:

#194 A Request for Military Aid
3. the country has been 'going shopping' by annexing nearby nations for their resources
#256 Easter Egg: Suburbs Are Out of This World
4. the country is constantly under siege trying to protect soccer moms who've settled in occupied territory (@@EGG@@)
#266 Easter Egg: Breaching the Great Fourth Wall of @@NAME@@
4. @@NAME@@ has begun an effort to aggressively conquer neighboring countries (@@EGG@@)
#390 [An International Incident] An Unstable Situation
1. the nation's armed forces are recruiting thousands to help colonise Brasilistan
#391 [An International Incident] The Third Horseman of Brasilistan
2. Brasilistan has been announced as the nation's newest colony
#395 [An International Incident] Growing Pains
3. the nation's people have woken up to find themselves colonial masters of Brasilistan
#399 [An International Incident] Invasion Plan
1. the might of the nation's military are undertaking a long march to colonisation in Brasilistan
#400 [An International Incident] Insurgents Resurgence
1. 'Coloniser-in-Chief' has become @@LEADER@@'s new moniker
#403 [An International Incident] We Done Killing Yet?
1. anyone found to be unemployed is shipped off to Brasilistan with a gun and a spade
#623 Maison d'Être?
5. disputed territories across @@REGION@@ are being claimed by @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ college students
#1175 Can I Borrow a Word?
3. colonial subjects have @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ culture shoved down their throats
#1193 Relocating the Living Room
1. colonists who were promised new lands find only war-torn devastation
2. the government maintains a Department of Skulduggery
3. small patches of desolate land across the world are part of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ sovereign territory

Removed by:

#244 Foreign Invasion Force Takes on Small Farming Community
3. thousands of citizens have been evicted from their homes so as 'not to cause a fuss' on the international scene
#405 [An International Incident] Time for a Colonyoscopy!
4. Brasilistan is being evacuated after its designation as 'Test Zone 1 - Nuclear'
#1209 Your Island Is My Island
1. the sun now sets on the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Empire
#1350 The @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Are Coming!
5. freedom is never freely given — only when the alternative is too expensive

prohibition of alcohol

Gained from:

#59 Drunk Driving on the Rise
3. all alcohol is banned
#227 Underage Drinkers: Social Menace or Misunderstood?
7. ravers are having trouble getting used to blackcurrant squash instead of vodka
#284 Drug Legality Run Amok
4. politicians debate whether caffeine is too addictive for the public
#434 Fraternity Furor
4. moonshine and organized crime are on the rise ever since alcohol was banned
#588 Last Call for Alcohol?
1. former bars are desperately trying to re-brand themselves as cafés
#1108 A Whiskey Rebellion Brewing
6. hospitals scramble for new disinfectants following a ban on rubbing alcohol
#1115 One in the Arm for @@LEADER@@?
3. acupuncture is routinely prescribed for intravenous drug addicts
#1499 Chasing the Pixelated Dragon
3. citizens have to stick a fork into an electrical outlet to get a buzz

Removed by:

#139 Drug Debate Hits the Streets
3. zombie-like crowds of hard drug users stumble through the streets
#185 "Bring Back Our Booze!" Cry Revellers
1. @@NAME@@'s fine wines are renowned throughout the region
#375 Easter Egg: Keep Your Hands Off Those Lucky Charms!
3. drunk leprechauns pelt countryside ramblers with gold coins (@@EGG@@)
#985 Service With a Snarl
3. bar brawls are an hourly occurrence
4. bar brawls are an hourly occurrence
#1116 To Each According to His Feed
1. it is well recognised that you can't sustain communism without a bit of spirit
2. it is well recognised that you can't sustain communism without a bit of spirit
#1406 Can't Touch This
5. falling over while singing is a national pastime

public floggings

Gained from:

#15 More Police Needed
3. thieves are flogged in public for their crimes
#75 Cutting Off Sex Offenders?
1. sex offenders find themselves cut off from the ability to repeat their crimes
#87 Burn! Burn Everything!
3. people caught mistreating @@NAME@@'s flag generally wind up in a great deal of pain
#219 Nobody Expects the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Inquisition!
3. atheists and evolutionary biologists are fleeing the country like rats from a sinking ship
#381 Mamma @@NAME@@, Let Me Go
3. churches now double as dungeons
#526 Any Idea Where the Law Is, Bessie?
1. rural citizens live in terror of their local village constable
#549 Feasting or Fasting?
1. hundreds of teenagers die every year at the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Hungry Games
#646 Lesson Learnt
2. prison libraries are being replaced with interrogation chambers
#738 Cruel or Unusual?
2. an eye for an eye leaves @@NAME@@ blind
#799 A Political Cock-Up
2. unpopular politicians are often caught between a rock and a hard place
#841 Burn Noticed
1. the Man in the Plastic Mask has been imprisoned in the Capital Penitentiary
#898 Two's Company, Three's a Crowd, Four's an Uprising
3. slavers view "what did your last slave die of" as a request for a demonstration
#940 The Court of the Crimson Lord
2. screams of citizens being "re-educated" echo throughout the rural regions of @@NAME@@
#944 Deadly Persuasion
5. the nation is now officially a purple state
#978 Alone in the Dark
3. justice is blinding
#1025 A Meal to Die For
3. decreased demand for toilets is saving the prison service a lot of money
#1097 What Do We Do With a Drunken Sailor?
2. sailors spend their shore leave helping old ladies cross the street
#1132 Gold Standards
3. sprinters achieve their personal bests only when the Olympic Team recruiters come calling
#1222 Family Matters
3. police nightsticks see use all day long
#1270 I'll Be Watching You
3. baseball caps are the new fashion trend
4. baseball caps are the new fashion trend
#1512 The Door's Unlocked, Let Yourself In...
3. Lady Justice has swapped her blindfold for steel-capped boots

Sometimes gained from:

#552 Must Be a Full Moon
1. weird or unusual crimes merit cruel and unusual punishments
2. weird or unusual crimes merit cruel and unusual punishments

Removed by:

#494 Whipping Up a Controversy
1. whipping posts and lashes have been transferred to the Historical Museum of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Embarrassments

punitive income tax rates

Gained from:

Sometimes gained from:

#2 Reclaim the Streets!
1. cars are banned
2. bicyclists are banned from major roads
3. the automotive industry soaks up huge government handouts
#3 Harry Potter Censorship Row
1. Harry Potter books are banned
2. the latest Harry Potter book is a bestseller
#4 Economic Collapse Looms!
1. all industry is owned and run by the government
#6 Appointment of Spiritual Advisor
1. the government is seen to favor traditionalist religions
2. the government's religious works are headed by a New Age guru
#7 Animal Liberation Front Strikes Again
2. meat-eating is frowned upon
3. vegetarianism is compulsory
4. meat is a luxury afforded only to the wealthy
#8 Nudists Demand Time in Sun
2. public nudity is compulsory
#9 @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ on the Dinner Table?
2. a nation-wide cull of @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ is in effect
3. the @@ANIMAL@@ is a protected species
#12 Death Penalty on Agenda
1. the death penalty has been reintroduced
2. extreme political groups are outlawed
#14 Military Demands Increased Spending
1. military spending is on the increase
#15 More Police Needed
1. the police force is on a recruitment drive
2. education and welfare spending are on the rise
#16 @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ Workers Strike!
1. the nation is ravaged by daily union strikes
#17 Corporations Demand Political Say
2. political parties are banned from advertising and receiving private donations
#18 Citizens Struggle Under "Unfair" Tax Burden
2. high-income earners pay a 100% tax rate
3. citizens select which government department gets their income tax @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ each year
#19 @@NAME@@ Awash With Red-Rimmed Eyes
2. all recreational drugs are legal
#20 Gunman Kills Three
1. kids are arrested at gunpoint for playing with toy rifles
2. the nation is completely gun-free
3. preschoolers practice disarming active shooters before naptime
#21 Police Consider "Big Brother" Anti-Crime System
3. citizens are barcoded to keep track of their movements
#22 Nazi Sympathizers Plan Rally
1. it is illegal to make racist remarks in public
#23 Uranium Deposit Promises to Enrich @@NAME@@
1. the country's famous rainforests are being bulldozed by the mining industry
2. the country's famous rainforests are being bulldozed by the mining industry
3. tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests
4. tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests
5. the mining industry is making inroads into environmentally sensitive areas
#24 Budget Time: Accountants Excited
1. a large-scale revitalization of the education system is underway
2. military spending recently hit a new high
3. a well-funded social safety net protects the unfortunate
#25 Cloning Research Promises New Breakthrough
1. scientists regularly clone human beings for research purposes
2. genetic researchers have been expelled
#26 Compulsory Organ Harvesting Proposed
1. organ donation is compulsory
#27 Cash for Colons?
1. college students make ends meet by selling their kidneys
#28 Cancer Sufferer Demands Euthanasia Bill
2. euthanasia is illegal
3. euthanasia is illegal
#29 Minorities Demand Representation in TV Soaps
1. TV shows must meet strict ethnicity quotas
2. the government awards prizes to television shows featuring stereotype-breaking minority roles
#30 Auto Industry Struggles Against Foreign Imports
3. all tariffs have been abolished
#31 Get Efficient, Private Sector Tells Nature
3. a government program is underway to revitalize @@NAME@@'s beaches
#33 Genetics Brings New Life to Extinct Species
1. scientists recently cloned the long-extinct feather-bellied @@ANIMAL@@
3. genetic research is temporarily tied up in government red tape
#34 Don't Puff on Me, Say Non-Smokers
1. smoking is banned in public areas
2. an underground movement of cigarette smokers has sprung up in response to a government ban
#35 Refugees Want to Call @@NAME@@ Home
1. the nation has opened its arms to an influx of refugees
#36 International Community Comes Doorknocking
1. the nation has an international reputation for compassion
#37 Traffic Cops Needed on Information Superhighway?
1. the government snoops on private internet connections
2. the country has unplugged its internet connection to prevent subversive content
#38 @@NAME@@ Looks to the Stars
1. billions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are being poured into a space program
2. the nation's first space rocket -- sponsored by Eckie-Ecola and shaped like an enormous soda bottle -- is being developed
3. religious classes are compulsory for all school students
#39 Scandal Rocks @@NAME@@'s Government!
1. newspapers may not print any negative stories about the government
2. government officials are held to the highest standard of morality
3. government officials are held to the highest standard of morality
#40 Hukd on Fonix Workd 4 Me!
2. the education system has gotten a recent boost in spending
3. the government spends millions of tax @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ on vouchers to pay for expensive private schools
4. students returning from overseas study are questioning the status quo
#41 Software Giant Stomps on Competition
2. the government has begun breaking all large businesses into thousands of mom-and-pop general stores
3. citizens frequently whisper of the Internet as 'the domain of the devil'
#42 Turn Down That Racket, Say Morality Police
1. radio stations are forbidden to play anything with too much drum or bass
#44 No Pain, No Gain!
1. torture is commonly used to extract information from suspected criminals
3. people regularly disappear off the streets and all evidence of them is destroyed
#46 Jennifer Government Censorship Row
1. Jennifer Government is banned
#47 The Great Wall of @@NAME@@?
1. a large concrete wall is being built around the country's borders
2. refugees from other nations are flocking to @@NAME@@'s border
3. the controversial show 'Who Wants to be an Immigrant?' has become wildly popular
#48 Give Us Healthcare or Give Us Death!
1. the government is spending millions to provide full health care for all citizens
4. the government is spending millions to provide full health care for all citizens
#49 Diving for @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@
3. the mining industry has taken a hit from tighter environmental regulations
#50 Whips, Chains, and Leather, Oh My!
1. a niche industry catering to S&M enthusiasts has sprung up
3. midnight raids drag couples from their homes in the name of decency
#52 Is It Art or Is It Porn?
1. artists regularly face criminal charges and art-burning parties are common
2. all artwork is carefully screened for offensive material
3. nude art is becoming wildly popular
#53 Orbital Armageddon?
1. billions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are being blown on orbital weapons development
#54 Time to Put the Older Senators Out to Pasture?
1. strict term limits have been applied to all elected offices
#55 Bigtopian Protesters Cry for Full Integration
1. government police forces protect public schools from the threat of protest
2. minority children spend hours bussing to schools miles away from home
3. members of majority races are forced out of their homes to make way for Bigtopians
#56 "Give Us Money!" Quoth the Poet
1. people reciting Shakespeare have become a common sight
2. the government has cut its subsidies for all special interest groups
3. poets and writers are regularly rounded up and shot for entertainment
#57 Electronic Plague in @@NAME@@!
1. citizens must have a license to operate a computer
4. the recent ban on computers is causing havoc throughout the nation
#58 Violent Violetists Demand Blood!
3. a crusade against barbaric religious practices has begun
4. the government pours millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ into rehabilitation programs annually
#59 Drunk Driving on the Rise
1. drunk drivers are sent to rehabilitation paid for by the government
2. drunk drivers are sentenced to death
3. all alcohol is banned
#60 Supreme Court Nomination
3. the judicial system legislates morality
4. the judicial system legislates morality
6. @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ have more rights than the average citizen
7. the government has become increasingly militant
8. the people elect the Supreme Court justices directly
#61 Should the Government Grant Estates and Titles of Nobility?
4. @@NAME@@'s Medieval Faire is renowned as one of the best in the region
#62 Oh, the Angst!
1. citizens are encouraged to report friends, family members or co-workers who seem depressed to the government for "counselling"
3. schools have extensive counseling programs for troubled students
#64 Put the "Board" Back in Board of Education
2. teachers are routinely tested to keep their jobs
3. the nation is currently revamping its entire education system
#65 Should Martial Law Be Declared?
2. martial law has been declared and the populace is kept under tight control
3. ad hoc militias patrol the streets in an effort to control rampant crime
#66 Transgender Recognition Demanded
1. sex changes are routinely performed at @@NAME@@'s hospitals
3. women wearing male lounge-wear are quizzed for hours by mental health practitioners
#67 Most Likely to Secede
1. territories have the right to secede if they aren't happy
2. the government violently suppresses separatist movements
#68 Ornery Overcrowding Problem
1. the government regularly hires contractors to construct high rise apartments
2. factories are regularly demolished to make way for low-cost housing areas
#69 Power Problems Need Bright Solution
1. prime real estate is devoted to wind farms and solar energy generators
2. vile black smog from coal power plants has enveloped several major urban centres
#70 Purge the Infidels!
1. citizens who fail to follow the official national religion are executed
2. citizens who fail to follow the official national religion are executed
#71 Minority Group Demands Language Recognition
2. children are raised bilingual from an early age
3. the government is attempting to impose a new national language on the public
#72 Widening Buttocks Cause Movie Theater Havoc
2. college students sell their most valuable possessions just to afford pizza
3. college students sell their most valuable possessions just to afford pizza
#73 @@NAME@@ - Without Cars, Going Nowhere Fast
1. the ban on cars has been repealed
2. the ban on cars has been repealed
3. the government is spending millions on alternative clean-burning fuels
#74 @@NAME@@'s Racers Growing Fast and Furious
1. the @@NAME@@ Automotive Racing Series draws millions of spectators annually while those near the tracks complain about the noise
2. police spend their Saturday nights breaking up illegal street races
#75 Cutting Off Sex Offenders?
2. re-education centers are being added to most prisons
3. criminal rehabilitation takes place in re-education centers
#76 Suits in Protest
2. CEOs and corporate executives are frequently found striking for better stock options
4. local executives are seen on the corner with cardboard signs reading "will oppress the masses for food"
#79 @@NAME@@'s @@ANIMALPLURAL@@: Going the Way of the Dodo?
1. the @@ANIMAL@@ is protected from hunting and slowly coming back from the brink of extinction
#81 Close Encounters of the Sci-Fi Kind?
1. UFO sightings are listed daily in the morning news
2. birds and children's kites are regularly brought down by anti-aircraft fire
3. X-Files ratings have hit an all-time low
#82 AI Researchers Rally for Android Rights
1. only 'organics' are permitted to be citizens
3. computers have been banned
#83 High-Speed Monorail Service Promises Connections
3. a vast monorail network carries people all over the country
4. a vast monorail network carries people all over the country
#84 Compulsory Gun Ownership?
3. all guns must be registered
#85 Illegal File-Sharing Flares
2. copyright laws have been abolished
#88 Cannibals Demand to Taste What @@NAME@@ Has to Offer
1. murder rates are on the rise as the popularity of soylent products grows
2. soylent products are an expensive commodity due to a lack of volunteers
#90 Organic Outburst
1. all-natural foods are becoming a major fad
3. people are moving into treehouses in record numbers
#91 Sacramental Tax Time?
3. televangelists flaunt their expensive cars when they attend charity events
4. membership in @@FAITH@@ is mandatory and all other faith organisations are banned
#92 @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Officials Needled About Mandatory Vaccinations
1. people faint regularly as they get stuck with compulsory vaccinations
#93 Affirmative Action in @@NAME@@?
2. colleges adhere to rigid ethnic quotas for admissions
3. @@NAME@@'s free colleges struggle to maintain standards in the face of overwhelming demand
#94 Computer Users Fed Up With Heaps of Spam!
1. the government spends millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ every year prosecuting spammers
4. the government is making attempts at curtailing the flood of spam emails with little progress
#95 Painful Prices Paid at the Pump
1. pristine wilderness has been trashed in the quest for cheaper oil
2. the government is spending millions on renovating the public transportation system
#96 Water Supply Problems Becoming a Major Drain
3. suburban families are finding themselves increasingly short on food as they waste precious water on their lawns
4. riots have broken out as a water shortage threatens @@NAME@@'s stability
#97 Landfills Filling Up
1. space shuttles regularly launch rubbish into space
2. cities are engulfed by smog
4. waste is frequently shipped to other countries
#99 We Need Cash, Sharpish, Say Librarians
1. libraries are now installed with jacuzzis and mini-bars
3. all writing must pass a censorship board before being allowed on the shelves
#100 Road Rage Rampage
1. traffic jams are a common sight due to construction work from a massive overhaul of the nation's freeways
2. the government has started a campaign to crack down on road rage and encourage alternate means of commuting
#101 Tiara Sign of Oppression, Declare Feminists
1. all beauty contests have been banned
2. women who display their ankles are shunned by society
3. women who display their ankles are shunned by society
4. Max Barry is this year's Miss @@NAME@@
#102 For Whom the Road Tolls
1. motorists must pay to enter inner-cities during peak hours
2. new urban roads are threatening city parks
3. cars have been banned
#103 Plague of the Hybrids!
2. bizarre-looking creatures called '@@ANIMAL@@dogs' dominate wildlife preserves
#104 Public Loudspeakers Shrill With Controversy
1. public loudspeakers constantly tell citizens they are "happy people"
3. ad-blocking has been nationalised
#105 Compensation Culture Must End, Say Corporations
2. every product goes through extensive safety-testing by the government
3. manufacturers are sued for almost anything not covered in their catalogue-sized manuals
#106 Give the Red Light District the Green Light?
2. an enormous health awareness programme is underway
3. government-run brothels can be found on every street corner
#107 Private Lab Holds @@NAME@@'s Sick to Ransom
1. only the rich can afford the latest medical innovations
2. private pharmacies close down as medicinal drugs are given away freely by the government
3. the religious lobby has the power of veto over health initiatives
#108 Gambling Interests Offer High Stakes
2. the mob and the police have recently had numerous clashes in the back alleys of @@NAME@@'s cities due to the government's steadfast anti-casino stance
#109 Karate Kids Cause Controversy
1. the government helps teach children how to kill a man from six paces
#111 Southern @@NAME@@ Demands Semi-Autonomy
1. councils up and down the country wrangle over legal matters
#112 Put the Phone Down on Cold Calling?
1. a ban on unsolicited cold calling in all forms is in effect
2. door-to-door salesmen are frequently beaten up by 'vigilantes'
#113 Test Results Deemed 'Ungood' After Global Survey
2. children have only the most basic of education
3. the education system is famed for its taxing exams
#114 Wipe Out Graffiti?
1. graffiti artists spend lengthy periods of time in jail
2. Renaissance frescos are being chiselled off public walls
#116 Soda Sales Hits New 'High'
2. drug distribution is tightly controlled by the government
3. reports of attacks by bright purple sixty-foot high spiders have recently shot up
#117 Stop the Suits, Say Surgeons
1. appendix transplant figures have recently doubled
2. medical lawsuits are out of control
3. the insurance industry is outlawed
4. the study of medicine is popular throughout @@NAME@@
#118 Need for Speed?
1. the roads are notorious throughout the region for their peril
2. the average commuter spends four hours a day driving to and from work
3. motorists' locations are constantly tracked by intelligence and law enforcement agencies
#119 Watershed Down?
2. Rupert Bear is considered to be the most risqué TV programme in @@NAME@@
#120 Two Parties for Too Long?
1. ten-year-olds regularly found their own political parties
2. the @@NAME@@ Mental Asylum Party have recently won seats in parliament
#122 Pensioners in Protest
1. retirement homes are often fitted with luxurious suites
#123 Now, Vat's Food for Thought
6. citizens are grown in vats
#126 Outsourcing an Outrage, Say Demonstrators
1. corporations are forbidden from employing outside the nation
#127 Aging Concerns in @@NAME@@
2. elderly citizens regularly buy posh multimillion-@@CURRENCY@@ mansions
#128 Ban the Burka?
1. students and teachers are regularly stopped and searched for symbols of religious affiliation before class
3. government officials raid public buildings to remove all mention of G*d or r******n
#129 Tribal Troubles
1. large sections of @@NAME@@ have been named national reserves to protect the native tribes living there
2. the tribal zone has been opened to up to 'economic interest' groups
3. the tribal zone has been opened to up to 'economic interest' groups
5. a primitive society is being eroded as its youth flock to the modern world
#130 Filibuster Bust-Up
2. legislation sometimes has to battle through weeks of filibustering to pass
3. the government is forced to pander to the will of every fruitcake politician
#131 Raise Duel Standards, Say Fencers
2. arbitration is mightier than the sword
#133 When @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ Attack!
2. the government funds large training centres to turn @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ into functioning members of society
#134 The Truth Is Out There?
2. strange lights seen in the sky are officially regarded as weather balloons or hoaxes and nothing else
3. the government blames all suspicious phenomena on flying saucers
4. reporters sent to cover suspected UFO visits come back with stories about quilting bees
5. those who investigate UFOs tend to wake up delirious on abandoned roads
#136 Much Ado About Abortion
1. abortions are routinely performed in @@NAME@@'s hospitals
3. abortions are carried out secretly in shady backstreet clinics
#137 Arms Industry Demands Respect
2. the arms industry has been shut down in a surge of pacifism
3. the arms industry is strictly regulated
#138 Keep the Greenbelt Green, Say Protesters
1. private businesses are paving paradises to put up parking lots
2. the government is paving paradises to put up parking lots
3. environmental protestors are being rounded up and taken away in sinister black vans as a massive land development campaign gets underway
4. environmental protestors are being rounded up and taken away in sinister black vans as a massive land development campaign gets underway
5. there's a shortage of swinging hot spots as land development grinds to a halt
#139 Drug Debate Hits the Streets
2. the police have reaffirmed their tough stance on drugs
#140 A Grave Problem
3. houses and businesses are bulldozed to make way for ever-expanding cemeteries
4. the dead are minced up and sold to people in burger form
#141 Police Too Pushy?
2. citizens are regularly arrested in queues for 'loitering'
#142 Roads Like Roller Coasters, Complain Motorists
1. roads are often attended by round-the-clock construction crews
#143 An Archaeological Altercation
1. prime commercial land is being swamped with archaeological teams
#144 Democracy Going to the Dogs?
3. citizens recently voted in favour of declaring bubblewrap an 'abomination of nature'
#145 Hackles Raised Over Fur Clothes Debate
1. the wearing and manufacture of fur apparel is banned
#146 Evolution: Truth or Witchcraft?
2. the teaching of evolution has been banned
3. biology and religious education classes have recently been merged
4. children are sent to either religious or secular schools
#147 Military Budgets Up for Approval
2. the nation's massive battleships are often mistaken for islands
3. the nation's gigantic air force is both respected and feared
4. most of the military's funding goes into researching space-age weaponry
5. military service is compulsory
6. the military frequently holds bake sales to raise funds
#149 With Liberty, Freedom, and Guns for All?
2. citizens are frequently searched for illegal weapons
#150 Bug 'Em All, Say Police
1. phone taps are frequently carried out by the police
#151 Build Bigger Bombs, Advise Scientists
1. citizens live in superstitious fear of the mysterious glowing clouds that float over @@NAME@@
2. the nation has recently been attributed to the funding of terrorist organisations
3. the nation has recently been attributed to the funding of terrorist organisations
4. all weapon research has been banned
#152 A Capital Idea
2. the words 'private' and 'enterprise' must never appear in the same sentence
#153 Protesters Have Gone Too Far, Claim Police
1. protests are illegal
3. protests are legal but strictly supervised
#154 Ban the 'Boards, Say Pedestrians
2. skateparks can be found in every city
3. skateboarding is the only legal way to travel
#156 Waste Going to Waste, Says Industry Lobby
1. @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ with strange deformities like three eyes and tentacles have been seen prancing through the countryside where industrial waste is dumped
3. heavy industry must go to expensive lengths to dispose of waste
#157 Sergeants Are Too Nasty, Say New Recruits
1. military barracks resemble five-star hotels
4. newborns are being raised as mindless killing machines
#158 Regarding Robbers' Rights
3. trespassers often find themselves impaled by crossbow bolts
#161 Where There's a Will There's a Tax
2. inheritance tax has recently been abolished
#162 Animal Experimentation Laws Under Scrutiny
1. dog breeding has been banned in accordance with recent animal experimentation laws
2. several citizens have complained about scientists abducting their pets for experimentation
#163 Referenda: Are They Right for @@NAME@@?
1. a referendum must be held in order for any new law to be passed
3. referenda can be called for any law at the request of at least one third of the voting population
#164 Licence to Breed?
1. citizens wishing to be parents must undertake a series of gruelling tests to evaluate their capabilities
3. welfare funding has recently gone through the roof
#166 Vote for 'None of the Above'?
1. elections have become procedural nightmares due to voters persistently rejecting candidates
#167 Fluoride Controversy a Toothy Problem
1. the people are famous throughout the region for their perfect yellow teeth
4. most of the nation's wealthy aristocrats are dentists
#168 @@NAME@@ Plagued by STD Epidemic!
2. people have to sneak out of the country in order to have sex
#169 @@ANIMAL@@ Hunting Laws Under Dispute
1. the upper class have been throwing riots after hunting was recently banned
#170 Deserts Devouring @@NAME@@'s Countryside
2. owning a tractor is widely regarded as an essential prerequisite to most government positions
#173 Women Demand Equal Opportunities
1. business is adjusting to new gender equality policies in the workplace
3. mostly women are seen and not heard
4. men are expected to stay home to fix funny noises in the attic
#174 Maternity Leave a Must, Say Mothers
2. all mothers are allowed six months fully-paid maternity leave
3. untold millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are going into a new government-funded maternity leave scheme
4. untold millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are going into a new government-funded maternity leave scheme
#175 Is @@NAME@@ Too Promiscuous?
2. those found guilty of illicit affairs are jailed
#176 History a Mystery to Most of @@NAME@@
1. historical fiction has been banned
#177 Power to the People?
2. the government is cracking down on subversive groups
#178 Free Press Too Free?
2. truth is often impossible to tell from fiction on the evening news
#179 Mad @@ANIMAL@@ Disease Outbreak!
1. the government has organised a nationwide cull of infected @@ANIMALPLURAL@@
2. millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ have been thrown into a project to find the cure for Mad @@ANIMAL@@ Disease
3. millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ have been thrown into a project to find the cure for Mad @@ANIMAL@@ Disease
#180 Mobile Maladies
1. sheepish teenagers are making eye contact with their parents for the first time in a decade during state-enforced 'no-phones hour'
4. children have taken to using semaphore in light of the recent mobile phone ban
#181 Radio Rebels Ruffle Government
2. a spate of enforced closures has left 'Government FM' as the nation's only radio station
4. every citizen is allowed exactly fifteen minutes of fame
#183 Buy a Better Baby?
3. research into 'designer babies' is banned
4. government-run screening operations remove embryos with severe genetic disorders
5. @@NAME@@'s army is full of two-metre tall super-soldiers
#184 Compulsory Military Service Under Attack
2. children as young as twelve are conscripted into the armed forces
#185 "Bring Back Our Booze!" Cry Revellers
2. the police are tightening their grip on alcohol smugglers
#186 Carjacking Concerns
2. citizens drive tank-like vehicles with mounted machine guns
3. citizens drive tank-like vehicles with mounted machine guns
4. urban citizens are forced onto public transport while rural citizens ride horses and buggies
#187 Underclass Drowning in Debt
2. the government is pouring funds into the nation's welfare system
#188 Video Games Too Violent, Say Parents
3. only adults may purchase violent video games
4. students everywhere have been despairing after the recent ban on video games
#189 Dangerously Cheesy
4. cheese has been labelled a dangerous weapon and banned
#190 Immigrants Import Homeland Rivalries
3. children are brainwashed at a young age to accept "love and peace!" as a way of life
5. a massive campaign is underway to ensure the race of @@NAME@@ remains pure
#191 Blood Banks Running Dry
1. citizens are forced to donate blood once every three months
3. the poor are often seen pale and dizzy after selling their blood to make ends meet
4. jails have become colloquially known as 'vampire houses'
#192 Coup d'Etat in @@NAME@@!
2. the military has quashed a recent coup attempt
4. kidnapping has become the latest get-rich-quick scheme
#193 Robots Leaving Workers Jobless
1. almost all products in @@NAME@@ are hand-crafted due to strict employment laws
4. the loom represents the height of @@NAME@@'s technology
#194 A Request for Military Aid
1. @@NAME@@ has been recently classified as an international menace after 'liberating' several nearby territories
#195 Right of Way or Wrong of Way?
1. public footpaths are being slowly eroded by the burgeoning number of ramblers
2. large areas of @@NAME@@ are not accessible by the public
3. all footpaths have tollbooths
#196 Violent Violetists Protest Artists
1. government-sponsored gallows are being erected by Violetist temples
3. the government is interviewing for thousands of 'Religious Censor' positions
4. anyone who doesn't attend Official Governmental Religious Services is fined
#197 Breastfeeding in Public: Innocent or Indecent?
1. female newsreaders distract the nation by breastfeeding during broadcast
#198 Not All Those Who Wander Are Paying
3. the government has instituted 'traveller reservations' across the country
4. homes have been banned from having any more than one wheel
#199 More Jails Needed
1. the new prison system is crowding up at an alarming rate
#200 Birds, Bees, and Breeding Teens
1. teenagers are told they're not thinking about sex enough
2. teenagers are told they're not thinking about sex enough
3. boys are forced to pair off for the school disco slow dance as the girls are all staying at home
4. boys are forced to pair off for the school disco slow dance as the girls are all staying at home
6. soldiers have a preference for fire-and-forget payloads
7. young girls often attend the same schools as their children
#201 Jolly Roger Sighted Off the Port Bow!
1. @@NAME@@'s navy has been named the scourge of the seven thousand seas
2. the government is frequently held to ransom by the increasing demands of bloodthirsty pirates
#202 Guns or Butter?
1. politicians are often seen with soldiers pointing guns at their heads
3. strategic bombers are being converted into preschools
#203 Suffer the Starving Children?
1. the government has been kicking out foreign corporations in a bid to grow enough food for the populace
#205 No More Broccoli, Beg Meat-Eaters
2. illegal hunting is rife after veganism was recently made compulsory
#206 @@NAME@@ Narrowly Misses Nuclear Accident
5. nine out of ten citizens of @@NAME@@ answered 'nuclear safety inspector' when asked their occupation
#207 Secret Police in @@NAME@@?
1. rumours have it that a secret police is responsible for the recent spate of missing persons
2. anti-government political posters adorn every building like wallpaper
3. the police force is rumoured to be made up of evil shadows with no souls
#208 Mine Collapse Rocks @@NAME@@
1. mining safety laws are often more expensive than what's being mined
#209 Students Demand Financial Aid
1. the number of students attending university has reached a record high
4. closed universities are currently being converted into McRonald's restaurants
#210 Going Postal
2. postmen have been arrested in job lots for selling junk mail as home insulation
3. the government recently relinquished its monopoly on the mail service
#211 Unconventional Weapons Under Fire
1. Red Cross demand for body bags is rising while sutures go unused
2. the commercialisation of highly deadly weapons has instilled @@NAME@@ with a very polite populace
3. the armed forces pride themselves on being conventional and predictable
#212 Police Wanting Help With Their Inquiries
1. crime suspects are forced to submit to blood testing
3. every citizen must submit to DNA testing to be eliminated from police inquiries
#213 Bus Drivers Say No to Double-Decked Deathtraps
1. buses are widely regarded as the safest way to travel
2. the carcasses of double-deckers can be found littering high streets all around the country
#214 Voting for More Money
1. Members of Parliament are often found living in cardboard boxes
2. politicians live in luxury
3. Members of Parliament operate under a PAYE scheme
#216 Eminent Domain: Inherent Right or Daylight Robbery?
1. eminent domain has been abolished
3. the government seizes private property for the 'good of the people'
#217 Healthcare Services Underfunded, Claim Patients
2. hospitals are amongst the best-funded in the region
#219 Nobody Expects the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Inquisition!
1. the Holy Office of the Inquisition is the highest court in the land
3. atheists and evolutionary biologists are fleeing the country like rats from a sinking ship
#221 Outdated Tax Code Crushing @@NAME@@?
4. annual tax returns take at least two years to complete
5. civil servants spend most their time carrying out risk assessments for paper cuts
#222 Terrorists Strike City Centre
1. the armed forces are locked in an expensive and bloody war abroad to stamp out possible terrorists
2. everyone suspects that everyone else is a terrorist
3. customs turn away those considered to have an unfavourable ethnicity
4. the government seeks peaceful forum with terrorists
#223 Easter Egg: Zombie Attack!
1. the nation has a strict 'no marauding undead' law (@@EGG@@)
#224 Minimum Wage War
1. the government has implemented minimum wage laws
2. unemployment is through the roof after the government enacted living wage laws
#225 Prayer in Public Schools?
1. students who refuse to pray are expelled from school
2. children of nonreligious parents are often barred from school festival events
3. religious education is a new government priority
#226 Expats Plea for Help in War-Torn Country
1. the nation has welcomed its expats back with open arms
2. the nation has welcomed its expats back with open arms
#227 Underage Drinkers: Social Menace or Misunderstood?
7. ravers are having trouble getting used to blackcurrant squash instead of vodka
#228 Mice in the Walls
4. it is firmly believed that cameras steal souls
#229 Government Saturated in Corruption
2. the government has enacted freedom of information
#231 Jungle Fever
1. the government is financing an extremely costly war against malaria
2. rice shortages have risen after paddy fields were drained to combat malaria
4. DDT is used widely to repel disease-carrying insects
#232 Suffragette City
4. women are often jailed for failing to fetch their husbands' slippers
5. women are often jailed for failing to fetch their husbands' slippers
#233 I Spy a Diplomatic Crisis
1. foreign nationals are widely distrusted
3. diplomats in @@NAME@@ are furious at constant police surveillance
5. citizens have reported seeing strange rays of light emanating from the moon
#234 Corruption in the Lobby
1. corporate lobbying has been outlawed
#235 From Green Pastures to Grey Wastelands
2. the Great @@NAME@@ Desert is reputedly the most uninhabitable place in the region
#236 Quickie Marriages Under Scrutiny
1. the breathalyser pledge is a traditional part of marriages in @@NAME@@
#237 Tourists on Death Row
1. international tensions are high as @@NAME@@ threatens any government with the audacity to arrest its citizens
5. the government is well known for declaring war on other countries for suspected slights
#238 We Need a Few Good Men Who Like Men?
1. the colors pink and purple are banned from military unit insignia
2. recruitment posters proclaim the army to be both fabulous and fashionable
#239 We Who Are About to Die Would Rather Go Home
2. badminton was recently banned due to 'unacceptable violence' inherent to the game
#240 Plea Bargains: Tipping the Scales of Justice?
1. charged suspects often have to wait years before the courts have room to judge their trial
#241 A Capital City for @@NAME@@?
3. all government facilities are built in the subterranean citadel of @@CAPITAL@@
#242 Follow the Leader
3. the Federal Council of @@NAME@@ has been announced as the new Head of State
4. even the most lowly council pen-pusher has the same political power as a senior minister
5. @@LEADER@@ has been known to threaten dissenting citizens with a machine gun at press conferences
#243 A Question of Faith
1. @@FAITH@@ has been named as @@NAME@@'s national religion
4. open-heart surgery is taught in seminaries
5. @@LEADER@@ is the self-declared God of all @@NAME@@
#245 Clash of Cultures
3. religious figures have been banned from public holidays to make them more multicultural
4. all citizens must pass a 'multicultural sensitivity test' to be deemed fit for society
5. property values in suburbs have nosedived after the middle class were forced to live next door to ethnic minorities
6. the word 'foreigner' is considered a highly vulgar expletive
#246 @@NAME@@ to Hold the Olympic Torch?
1. @@NAME@@ successfully hosted the @@REGION@@ Olympics
3. the importance of winning Olympic gold medals is indoctrinated from an early age
#247 Where There's Smoke
2. the fire protection service is wholly government-funded
3. most citizens in @@NAME@@ are abject pyrophobes after extremely graphic pamphlets were mailed nationwide by the government
#248 The Sky Is Falling
1. frequent fliers are obliged to submit to invasive security procedures by government security
5. aeroplanes have been converted into housing units after all air travel was outlawed
#249 Particle Accelerator Sparks High Energy Debate
1. construction of the Really Big Hadron Collider is underway
#250 Recession, Depression, and Deficit
4. the crackdown on private property seems as endless as the government issued food stamp lines
#251 The Trouble With Hobos
1. the recently unemployed can often be seen at the local homeless shelter
2. citizens applying for their first jobs face fierce competition from the homeless
4. citizens who become homeless are immediately executed
#252 Great Balls of Fire!
1. nuclear warheads are frequently launched into space as a warning to invading meteoroids
2. the government has adopted a "Lightning Never Strikes Twice" approach to dealing with natural disasters
4. god-fearing citizens can be seen in prayer circles around the Big Max impact crater
#253 How Much Democracy Is Too Much?
3. referenda are held for every conceivable government action
#254 Freedom Comes at a Price
1. it is illegal to liberate slaves
2. employers are gradually adapting to the alien premise of paying wages to their workers
#255 Welfare Programs Not Faring Well
1. suit-clad businessmen have been taking advantage of the relaxed welfare qualifications by shopping with food stamps
4. the government is using tax revenues to provide jobs for the poor
5. the government enforces a policy of 'from each according to their ability, to each according to the available budget'
#257 @@LEADER@@ Assassinated... Almost
2. citizens have an obligation to remain silent and anything they say may be used against them
3. @@LEADER@@ goes out to lunch surrounded by large men in dark glasses
4. nobody ever seems to enter or leave the armour-plated flying castle that serves as the seat of government
#258 What's in a Name?
1. parents must choose their children's names from a government-mandated master list
#259 A Taste of Revenge
1. the nation's diplomatic missives are now delivered via sniper rifle
2. the nation's new foreign policy of 'very disproportionate retribution' has its neighbors on edge
#260 Taxpayers on Strike!
2. the police crack down on tax evaders without mercy
#261 Plastic, Plastic Everywhere
1. shoppers have literally had their hands full since plastic bags were banned
2. the nation's industries are scrambling to switch to biodegradable plastics
3. scenic tours are unheard of after most environmental laws were abolished
4. the entire retail industry has been replaced by online delivery services
5. scenic tours are unheard of after most environmental laws were abolished
#262 Sticks and Stones
1. a fashion designer has been arrested for inciting hatred after claiming redheads couldn't pull off vermillion
3. the government is promoting multicultural values with the new 'Just Be Nice, OK?' initiative
#263 Wind Farms Blowing Up a Storm
1. renewable energy projects have ground to a halt
2. the countryside is shrouded by wind farms
3. @@NAME@@ has one of the largest offshore wind farms in the world
#264 Not a Drop to Drink
1. fewer people are bathing as citizens must show ration stamps before they can turn on their faucets
2. almost all of @@NAME@@'s water is piped into the country from abroad for exorbitant prices
3. raindances intended to summon storms instead attract tourists
#265 To Bail or Not to Bail?
3. businesses that prove successful are immediately broken up
#266 Easter Egg: Breaching the Great Fourth Wall of @@NAME@@
3. several universities in @@NAME@@ have assembled expensive research teams to explore and study new lands and old ruins (@@EGG@@)
#267 Controversial Coup Causes Commotion
1. the government is pouring money into 'Operation Enduring Democracy'
#268 Don't Want Your Kid Anymore? Good News!
3. mothers are routinely abandoning their children in the name of women's rights
4. toddlers are wielding machine guns in the name of national defense
#269 Stop the Presses!
1. economists claim no news is good news
#270 Space Spectacular Sours Small Stargazers
3. the police have been swamped with requests to stay up past bedtime
#271 Vigilantes: Heroes or Hoodlums?
1. police are arresting costumed characters at comic book conventions
2. police are arresting costumed characters at comic book conventions
3. embarrassed police officers wear spandex and carry net guns
#272 Slow Down, You're Going Too Fast
1. mothers drive their college-graduate children to work
#273 Is Our Children Learning?
1. students cut up leftover @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ during Arts and Crafts
#274 Brotherly Love - a Bit Too Close to Home?
2. family bonding sessions are considered immoral and are banned
3. annulments are on the rise as couples discover their ancestors were born in the same hospitals
5. people choose marriage partners by buying a lottery ticket
7. love is given from each according to their ability but marriage is assigned to each according to their needs
#275 Wiki Worries
2. popular websites like NationStates are blocked for "national security"
3. the Ministry of Truthiness now manages the entire media industry
#276 Circus Clowns Cause Chaos!
2. students are wary of colorfully decorated new teachers with names like Professor Pipsqueak
3. clowns are being rounded up and admitted to mental institutions
#277 Say Cheese!
3. the secret service is working overtime to find anyone publishing unauthorized material about @@LEADER@@
#279 A Vat Lot of Trouble
1. the government is pouring billions into replacement brains
#280 Oh the Humanity!
1. the airship business has been driven out of the country by strict regulations and high fines
3. the new hit series "@@NAME@@'s Got Trauma" has corporate executives fleeing the country
#281 Free Internet for @@NAME@@?
1. the internet has been placed under government control
#285 A Right Not to Work?
1. the request to "give us our daily bread" can only be fulfilled six days out of seven
4. midnight pizza breaks are common among the work-from-home population
#286 A Whale of a Problem
1. people are arrested for looking too sternly at whales
3. the government strictly regulates whale harvest quotas
4. fishing crews are regularly interrogated by surprisingly violent environmentalists
#287 Maxtopians Demand Return of the King
1. museums stand half-empty as all foreign exhibits are returned to their countries of origin
4. museums occasionally burn priceless artifacts in order to intimidate foreign curators
#288 Super-Sized Pizzas Recipe for Disaster?
1. police conduct weekly raids looking for contraband cheeseburgers
2. overweight people receive reparations checks from fast-food chains
4. the government props up questionable pizza establishments in the name of health
#290 Wheels of Misfortune
1. new safety regulations require all cars manufactured in @@NAME@@ to be bombproof
3. the nationalized auto industry is adept at making durable little cars nobody wants to drive
4. heavy industry grinds to a halt as new equipment must be biked in
#291 A Question of Sport
1. glittering new sports stadiums adorn every city and town
3. tourists are kicked out if they express interest in their national sport
4. kids laugh off vandalism and arson as "just fun"
#292 Tourists Wearing Out Their Welcome?
1. the police strictly enforce off-limit zones for tourists
2. anti-tourism militias patrol the borders
3. tourists outnumber citizens two to one
4. tourists outnumber citizens two to one
5. tourists need only sign on the dotted line to become citizens
#293 Maestro, Please
1. conductors wield diamond-encrusted batons to fit in with their freshly gilded surroundings
5. terrified tympanists are finding themselves on the front lines armed only with kettledrums
#294 Ghost Riders on the Sly
2. the minority inevitably have their addenda vetoed
3. laws are littered with references to cheese
4. laws are littered with references to cheese
#296 Come on Baby, Fight My Fire
1. CEOs can't hear the term 'Fire Sale' without bursting into tears
2. shanty towns have formed around the newly rebuilt commercial district
#297 Intersex Athletes Demand Level Playing Field
2. the 'kind of scrawny' 500 meter hurdle is a popular event
3. national parks have long lines of different gender-specific 'Porta-Pottys'
4. hairdressers are among those who have disappeared overnight
#298 Cults: Harmless or Heretics?
2. fast food restaurants everywhere are under the control of a gigantic government corporation
#299 Some Like It Hot; Others Don't
1. grazing lands are filled with cattle wearing odd-looking anti-pollution devices
2. a punitive tax has been placed on harmful emissions
4. the state has declared war on the environment and environmentalists by association
#300 Trafficked Tots Trouble
2. the national Police Academies have dedicated infant wings
#302 Delivering Mayhem in Thirty Minutes or Less!
1. many feel that the government's ban on cars to combat reckless driving was "a tad excessive"
2. businesses have become paranoid as waves of lawsuits sweep the nation
#304 Time for Paternity Leave, Say Dads
2. companies struggle to cover for the hordes of employees on parental leave
3. unstable couples are known to break up over which one gets parental leave
#305 Who's Occupying What?
1. former school buses now regularly shuttle kids to the nearest shopping centers to work
3. businesses are forced to bring all work back within the nation's borders
4. the military is blowing up any threat to employment within the nation
#306 A Matter of Trust
1. politicians have to be granted day-release from prison to speak on bills
2. many politicians are having to do a hard day's work for the first time in their careers
6. dissident voters are sent on a 'relaxing break' at the Ministry of Love
#308 Over, Under or Through?
1. @@NAME@@ Barrier Island residents anxiously await their 'Bridge to Somewhere'
2. the @@NAMEINITIALS@@BI Channel Tunnel project is plagued by delays
#309 Guerrilla Grandparents
1. aging citizens are celebrating the end of the 'Early Bird War'
2. fortified nursing homes are wracked with daily skirmishes
#310 Too Little Talk?
2. multiple polls have christened the newly-formed Filibuster Committee as "the least efficient government bureaucracy"
3. multiple polls have christened the newly-formed Filibuster Committee as "the least efficient government bureaucracy"
#312 The Empire Strikes First?
1. @@NAME@@ is increasingly belligerent on the international stage
2. the government has declared its commitment to multilateralism
3. the nation is reliant on the principle of mutually assured destruction to maintain its security
#313 Conscientious Objectors Want You... To Let Them Abstain
2. conscientious objectors are hanged as traitors
3. priests are being drafted by the church load
4. priests are being drafted by the church load
#314 An Affair to Remember?
1. cheating spouses are required to undergo job training
#317 Big Brother Is Watching You Surf
1. government popup ads are springing up like weeds
3. the government is rounding up computers and beating them into plowshares
#318 Death Penalty on Death Row?
1. prisoners work-share to cut down rising costs of keeping them in jail
3. criminals are put to death while cuddling their favourite teddy bear
4. police officers have been re-kitted with designer uniforms and gold-plated handcuffs
#319 Sizing Up the Competition
3. businesses are scrambling to adapt to the government's mandate that 'time and measurement no longer exist'
#321 Cowboys and... Aliens?
1. droves of former desperados are applying to join the border police
#322 Empathy a Rare Commodity?
1. citizens are tied down and forced to watch educational videos on empathy
#323 Get Teens Out of MyFace?
1. it is now illegal for teens to view any sites except Club Kitten and My Little Donkey
4. computers are used primarily for word processing and solitaire
#324 "Tourism Tanking!" Trumpet Tabloids
4. online tourism reviews of @@NAME@@ are suspiciously positive and amazingly similar
#325 Blazing Through the Paper Trail
1. the bonfire of the old paper records can be seen for miles around @@CAPITAL@@
2. 1% of global paper production is bound for the National Archive
3. 1% of global paper production is bound for the National Archive
4. the National Archive now covers square miles of warehouses in order to accommodate its new stone tablets system
#326 Knitters in a Knot Over Police Stitch Up
1. families consisting of more than three people are forced to split up
2. criminals rejoice in the streets as the entire police force is sent away on a training retreat
#327 No Rest for the Weary @@ANIMAL@@
2. pet owners exercise their @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ at a snail's pace or risk prosecution
#328 Bugged by Lack of Intelligence
1. all telephone traffic is monitored for 'national security reasons'
2. travel bureaus double as recruiting centers for national intelligence agencies
3. the nation's secret service is so secret that nobody knows if it has one
#329 Military Uniforms Under Scrutiny
4. soldiers are equipped with multi-million @@CURRENCY@@ battlesuits
5. soldiers go to war dressed in cassocks and robes
#330 Supermarkets Gobbling Up All the Customers?
1. stores employing more than 100 employees are required to be at least twenty miles from any competitor
3. the government provides its citizenry with the same mass produced rations
#331 Swept Away
1. the government is flooded with compensation requests
3. children listen incredulously when their grandparents explain what a "running river" is
#332 Summit Security Spending Stirs Strife
1. @@CAPITAL@@ is a police state during international summits
#333 No Sacrifice, No Sacrifice at All
1. churches across the land are hurriedly installing auto-tune for their choirs
2. churches across the land are hurriedly installing auto-tune for their choirs
4. citizens are required to report any and all incidents of prayer to their local Religious Affairs Officer
5. there are major delays at immigration checkpoints as travellers are forced to prove they belong to @@FAITH@@
#334 Blot Out Bauhaus?
1. builders spend more time negotiating "tasteful architecture" than on actual construction
#335 Log Us Back On
3. computers are widely considered to be the "devil magic of heathens"
#338 The Silence and the Fury
1. noises louder than a whisper have been prohibited by law
#339 The Bear Necessities
1. workers have seized control of the economy
#340 Defending Patent Pending
1. corporate innovation has effectively ended since ideas can no longer be owned
3. the government subsidizes everything from particle physics to fabric softeners
#341 Where in the Woods Is Cindy SanFrancisco?
1. the national guard is mobilized whenever a mother gets separated from her child at the mall
3. fearful citizens watch their every move as does their government
4. fearful citizens watch their every move as does their government
5. groups of three or more trees are cut down in the name of 'child safety'
#344 Trash Talk
1. litter collection has replaced fast food as the most popular after-school job
3. the Hanging Gardens account for half of @@CAPITAL@@'s water use
4. the Hanging Gardens account for half of @@CAPITAL@@'s water use
#345 Mayors Behaving Badly
1. hordes of faceless civil servants are running cities
3. many mayors are barely in office before being kicked out for minor parking violations
#346 Oil's Well That Ends Well
2. the government struggles to keep up with the endless list of petrol disasters
3. wind farms are erected on shuttered oil platforms
4. Ollie the Oiled Seal welcomes throngs of tourists to the newly opened Oil Oasis Water Park
#347 Crime Problems Ganging Up on @@NAME@@
1. rap artists are regularly arrested for promoting extremist groups
2. new funding allows inner city teachers to replace school laptops almost as fast as they get stolen
#348 I Want a Lawyer
1. the state is footing the bill for billionaires' lawyers
3. every street in the nation contains at least three law firms
#349 Bigtopian Bigwigs Beset Border
3. the military is recruiting war criminals to join its weapons research teams
#350 Queasy Cuisine
6. the food pyramid has been replaced with the word PASTA in bold block capital letters
#351 The Cost of Freedom
2. private law firms are unheard of
#352 Going Off the Rails
3. train stations can be 'armful places
4. anyone who so much as frowns risks being referred to a mental health unit
#353 Broadband Going to the Birds?
2. streaming video is considered to be a myth by most citizens
3. stray cats threaten the fledgling avian-based internet
#354 Subversive Shortwaves
1. the military invades any neighboring nation with the gall to criticize its policies
3. the government is suspected of mass disappearing dissidents both at home and abroad
4. sociologists can charge whatever fee they like as the nation tries to find itself
#355 Alien Invaders
1. the government keeps introducing new foreign species to combat the previous ones it has introduced
3. invasive species are hunted by the gendarmerie
#357 Vamos, Mi @@ANIMAL@@!
2. cops enjoy driving jaywalkers into the ground
#358 Not Another Teen Pregnancy
1. 'Abstinence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder' is a common school motto
6. getting an abortion takes less hassle than writing a letter
#359 Got Democracy?
1. pro-democracy protesters are shot on sight by state police
2. pro-democracy regime change has been avoided
#360 Electile Dysfunction
2. third party candidates are now gaining some representation in Parliament
3. coalition governments are essential to passing new laws
#361 @@CAPITAL@@, We Have a Problem
2. foreign 'investors' have been taking a great interest in the new secret shuttle
4. the eerie remains of the final shuttle mission orbit in silence as a sober reminder of the abandoned space program
#363 The Apotheosis of @@LEADER@@?
1. @@LEADER@@ is worshipped as a god
2. government policy is dictated by @@FAITH@@
5. failure to pay the thrice-daily homage to the divine @@LEADER@@ is punishable by death
#364 It's UterUs, Not UterYou!
3. underground copulation clubs have sprung up in major cities
#365 A Busload of Worry
1. children as young as six shock their parents by coming out of the closet
2. tightly packed choir-boys sing the god-given joys of heterosexuality on public transport
4. @@CAPITAL@@ spends billions upgrading public transport
#366 Prosecute Stolen Valour, Says Military
1. fancy dress parties are raided by military police for new recruits
#367 What's Their Beef?
3. unemployed butchers line the streets
#368 Female Workers Feeling the Pinch
4. harassment has been stamped out under the high-heeled jackboots of a matriarchy
#369 No Vocation Without Remuneration
4. foreign observers are baffled by the sway @@LEADER@@'s student intern holds over macroeconomics
#370 The Unbearable Lightness of Government
3. soup kitchens are the only things doing roaring business
#372 The Coming of the Commissars
1. troops are either deafened by gunfire or a hysterical voice screaming the Party manifesto
2. rocket boots and thermal detonators have become standard-issue military gear
4. police wait behind troop deployments in order to shoot deserters
#373 Devil and the Deep Blue Funding Gap
1. mantis shrimp studies is academia's fastest-growing field
#374 Lion Dad Sparks Child-Rearing Sentiment
1. helicopter parenting is on the rise
2. mollycoddled youths run the country
3. the nation's only university is the School of Hard Knocks
4. society has literally been thrown to the wolves
#377 It's a Bird! It's a Plane! No, It's... Oh, It Was a Plane
1. the nation has always been at war with Bigtopia
#378 The War to End All Wars
1. commemoration of the Great @@REGION@@ War costs almost as much as the war itself
2. historical commemorations regularly devolve into militaristic jingoism
4. the nation grinds to a halt on the anniversary of every marginally noteworthy event
#379 Stakes on a Plane
1. homeowners are evicted to make way for new runways
2. planespotters are emigrating in droves
3. billions are being spent on a new island airport
#381 Mamma @@NAME@@, Let Me Go
2. tantrum-throwing toddlers are regularly imprisoned on assault charges
#382 The Appropriate Amount of Appropriation
2. citizens sporting mohawks must carry family trees on them at all times
3. school children are expected to know the names of all seven hundred native tribes and their cultural practices
4. immigrants are asked to leave their cultural traditions and pride at the border
#385 Who Stands for @@NAME@@?
1. the new national mascot has to be wheeled onto the field of play
4. political scientists despair as the national mascot election eclipses all others in voter enthusiasm
5. political scientists despair as the national mascot election eclipses all others in voter enthusiasm
#386 Droning On and On
1. warfare increasingly resembles a video game
#387 [An International Incident] Diamonds Are an Expat's Best Friend!
1. the military is on a massive recruiting drive in advance of an invasion of Brasilistan
2. the nightly news reports prosaically on the government blindly throwing money at despotic kidnappers
#388 [An International Incident] Napalm in the Morning
1. troop transports blacken the sky as the military commences Operation Desert Ocean
2. carpet bombing has decimated Brasilistan's landscape and population
#389 [An International Incident] Sanctions, Sanctions Everywhere!
1. toilet paper is considered a non-essential item in the embargo against Brasilistan
#390 [An International Incident] An Unstable Situation
2. nation-building is the new national pastime
3. nation-building is the new national pastime
#391 [An International Incident] The Third Horseman of Brasilistan
1. the government is spending more on exports to Brasilistan than it's receiving from tariffs on the imports
#394 Ten Days in a Mad House
1. any citizen who cries is immediately assigned a psychiatrist
#397 [An International Incident] Select Your Target!
1. the nation's air missiles have killed thousands of Brasilistan military personnel
2. claims of genocide have been levied against the nation by international observers
3. @@REGION@@ holds its breath as nuclear warfare is being seriously considered
#399 [An International Incident] Invasion Plan
1. the might of the nation's military are undertaking a long march to colonisation in Brasilistan
2. elite teams of assassins have been sent into Brasilistan
#401 [An International Incident] What's the WA Gonna Do, Anyway?
2. military chiefs pretend they're not at home when foreign governments call
#402 [An International Incident] They Surrendered... Now What?
2. even the family pets of Brasilistani insurgents are being put down
#405 [An International Incident] Time for a Colonyoscopy!
1. the nation has gained millions of new citizens overnight
2. Brasilistanis face layers of paperwork in a different language just to visit a doctor
#408 Easter Egg: Pony Peril
3. ponies working in the nation's salt mines have a life expectancy of weeks (@@EGG@@)
#410 12 Angry, Tired, and Increasingly Confused Men
3. listless juries are assembled for the simplest of court cases
#412 The Magic (Of Advertising!) School Bus
1. the education system is being cleansed of all corporate influence
#413 A Shot in the Arm
2. vaccinations are mandatory
3. parents who refuse to vaccinate their children are given a short jail sentence
4. science centers and state of the art laboratories are ubiquitous
#414 Subpar Suburbs
2. government crews work tirelessly to retake the suburbs from organized packs of raccoons
4. towns that stop turning a profit are turned into animal sanctuaries
#415 Brain Pain on the Sports Plain
1. student athletes gaze forlornly at abandoned @@ANIMAL@@ball fields
2. concussed @@ANIMAL@@ball players cannot remember their lineup position
3. concussed @@ANIMAL@@ball players cannot remember their lineup position
#416 Prophet Margins
2. government officials go door-to-door educating about the dangers of pseudoscience
3. @@LEADER@@ is refusing to make decisions until the Moon is out of Capricorn
4. oracles predict landslide victories for @@LEADER@@ for the next 50 years
#418 That Sinking Feeling
1. the Coast Guard is pioneering a quixotic program to train fish
#419 RED Rover, RED Rover, Send Your Money Right Over!
1. the government spends more on chasing distant comets than on basic infrastructure
3. all transmission towers have been temporarily diverted in order to establish dialogue with a comet
#420 Caught Green Handed
1. many politicians are serving jail time for minor drug offenses
#423 Returning Holy Warriors Cause Trouble
1. returning tourists and businessmen are detained without trial if they belong to the "wrong" religion
2. the government is ignoring the latest terrorist atrocities in @@CAPITAL@@ for fear of causing a fuss
#424 You Just Sank My Battleship!
1. the navy is chrome-plating its battleships to prevent rust
2. the military has forsaken terrestrial warfare
3. countless government officials are accused of espionage
#425 Teach Your Farmers Well
1. even the nation's brussel sprouts are delicious and nutritious
3. bleach is the nation's most common pesticide
#426 Women in Uniform Under Fire
3. women are ordered home to reproduce for the glory of the @@TYPE@@
#427 They Took Our Gubment!
2. the majority of @@NAME@@'s traffic wardens have been sacked overnight
#428 Crop Circles Clutter @@CAPITAL@@
2. forecasts predict rains of loose lead and mortar shells for the next six weeks
3. it is a crime to operate a combine harvester while intoxicated
#429 No Representation Without Taxation?
3. factories grind to a halt every time there is an election
#431 Gone a Stray!
1. shelters struggle to keep up with the endless intake of stray animals
2. mandatory neutering has made purebred dogs a thing of the past
3. animal control is going door-to-door releasing all pets back into the wild
4. Jack Russells have proven to be terrible spies
#432 Children in the Lead?
2. the nation is proudly the least fertile in @@REGION@@
#433 The Worst Storm to Hit @@NAME@@ Since...Yesterday?
2. electricity company executives pray nightly to Zeus and Thor
3. the attempt to control the weather has ended in environmental disaster
5. package deals offer tourists the chance to visit the frozen remains of the previous tour group
#435 A Working Class Hero Is Something to Be
2. every worker receives exactly the same pay regardless of productivity
3. it is impossible to get any work done as auditors swarm every inch of government factories and mines
#436 Voters, Place Your Bets!
1. politicians and casino owners who so much as wander into the same room are arrested on the spot
#437 Blue Screen of Economic Death
1. citizens queue to get the reinstated bank notes and coins
2. tourists avoid using the nation's bugged phones and monitored internet
#438 Judicial Review on Trial
2. political gridlock ensues as even the most innocuous legislation is vetoed by the Supreme Court for potential civil rights violations
#439 The Law of Exodus
2. minefields are being deployed along the border to discourage potential emigrants from trying to leave
4. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have been enjoying a recent boost in civil rights as the government continues to clamp down on emigration
#440 Jumping the Sharknado
2. tax-payers are funding ever more extravagant movie projects
#441 You've Got a Friend in Bee
1. there has been a rapid increase of noise complaints over the sound of buzzing bees
2. EpiPen sales have skyrocketed
3. foreign governments are looking into weaponizing the infamous @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ bee
4. foreign governments are looking into weaponizing the infamous @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ bee
5. the government takes agricultural advice from a wasp-themed superhero
#442 You Can't Always Get What You Squat
2. business owners return from long vacations to find their factories have been turned into homeless shelters
3. a performance of the hit musical "Mamma Tua" has been delayed after squatters were found sleeping in the orchestra pit
#443 Five Year Plans and New Deals
1. job opportunities abound in the Hole Recycling industry
2. strategic economic sectors are controlled by the state
4. Viagra factories are being converted to producing antimalarials for Bigtopian orphans
#444 Virtually Assured Destruction
1. the nation is committed to nuclear rearmament
3. entire provinces are populated solely by nuclear missile technicians and military police
#445 Evasive Maneuvers
2. companies flee the nation rather than pay their fair share of taxes
3. corporate lawyers are joyfully combing through the new tax code for any new loopholes for their clients
#446 In the Land of Milk and Money?
2. breast milk is being redistributed from each according to their ability to each according to their need
4. prohibition has allowed a Maxtopian immigrant known only as "Nipples" to establish an illicit breast milk syndicate
#447 Honey, We Hung the Parliament
2. the new coalition government is so large nobody knows where it begins
#448 It Takes a Village
1. the government frequently panders to parents with boutique tax credits
2. parents who fail mandatory parenting classes risk having their children taken away
3. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Babysitters Club has proven to be a huge relief to stressed-out parents across the nation
#449 A Big Fracking Problem
1. pollution is on the rise along with government approvals of fracking projects
2. pollution is on the rise along with government approvals of fracking projects
3. drills and shovels have been banned as the government cracks down on any means of fracking
4. @@ANIMAL@@ sanctuaries have been taken over by hydraulic fracturing sites
#450 Colonial Testimonial
1. colonial citizens are forced to sing the praise of the "Great @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Liberator"
#451 A Proselyte to Burn
2. the nation's new religious police burn blasphemers on bonfires of their own books
#454 Don't Stead on Me!
1. hordes of gardening enthusiasts are being banished from cities nationwide
3. the rich tend their gardens inside gated urban farming communities
4. food imports have skyrocketed after the recent 'Forage for Food' program severely backfired
#455 Police on Overkill Mode?
2. the police use sound cannons and mortars to deal with loud parties
#456 Heads Will Roll
1. biker gangs and fashionistas are converting to Violetism en masse
4. motorcycle riders are required to wear so much gear they've been nicknamed "Stay Pufts"
#457 Colossus With Feet of Clay
4. suburban backyards are seized by the government and turned into national parks
#458 Bigtopian Lives Matter
2. the police insist that racism does not exist
3. officer recruitment and police brutality have reached an all-time high
#459 Murder, He Shouted!
2. @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ facilities are being turned into @@ANIMAL@@ habitats
#462 Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me
2. the installation of street lights across remote goat tracks has left citizens bemused
3. astronomers are flocking to @@NAME@@ to take advantage of its clear night skies
4. the native owl population is in permanent hibernation
#463 Smart Cars Driving Regulators Up the Wall
4. self-driving cars have been banned
#465 Lottocracy Causing Lots of Trouble
3. votes of no confidence regularly remove unwanted MPs
#466 @@NAME@@ Is Never Ever Getting Back Together... Like Ever
1. the military patrols the streets in search of possible secessionists
#467 Saving Your Own Foreskin
3. teenagers performing appendectomies on their friends has become a popular schoolyard prank
#468 Selling @@NAME@@ Down the River?
1. unemployed mercenaries drift the country looking for new careers
4. the 'maybe not shock and awe' foreign policy initiative is showing promise
#469 Shoot to Earn
2. the nation is known as the cheapskates of @@REGION@@
3. the nation's peacekeeping efforts usually comes with a healthy dose of pillaging
#470 Tide Stops for No Man
1. scenic beaches are now protected by massive concrete walls
4. the government spends twice as much reclaiming lost settlements from the sea as it could've on coastal defences
#473 A-B-C, Easy as Don't Use Me
1. the nation's laws on image rights are amongst the strictest in the world
3. children are expected to carve their own toys
#474 Mesozoic Park
1. sexually-starved male dinosaurs terrorise tourists during weekly breakouts from Mesozoic Park
2. mathematicians are hated by children across the country
3. idyllic countryside scenes see border collies herding sixty-ton dinosaurs
4. local councils have to call in dump trucks to clear parks of dinosaur droppings
#477 Feeding Frenzy
1. school children across the country are staging hunger strikes to protest government-mandated salads
2. children use fake IDs to purchase candy
#478 The Show Must Go On
1. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Arts Council pays teenagers to sit through opera performances
2. teens are voting on which C-List pop star will be next to be evicted from the opera house
3. mournful opera fans place bouquets of roses at a 3000 capacity parking lot
#479 @@LEADER@@, Put on the Yellow Light
4. conspiracy theorists allege @@CAPITAL@@'s new subway map resembles Satanic symbols
#480 One Nation's Trash Is Another Nation's Trash
2. the government is trying to clean up all the rubbish that has washed up on the shores of Bigtopia and Marche Noire
#481 Social Equality Reaching Embarrassing Levels
2. the universal wage level is set by dividing GDP by the number of citizens
3. @@LEADER@@'s new socialist government gets its policy advice from teenagers
5. occupational wage levels are based on a crumpled napkin authored by a legendary @@CAPITAL@@ bus driver
#482 Whose Fault Is It Anyways?
2. government-funded marriage counseling is showing very limited success
4. mandatory spouse selection pairs elderly apparatchiki with stunningly beautiful supermodels
#483 Do You Want Fries With That?
1. a historic rise in the minimum wage has crushed the economy with inflation
3. all restaurants close before dinner time
4. pizza parlors have been replaced by lima bean cafes
#484 Patriot or Patri-Not?
3. citizens who don't attend the nation's massive military parades tend to disappear overnight
4. political satirists and late night comedians weep as the government begins cleaning up its act
#485 Really Real eSports Tournament
2. Super Barry Brothers is the most popular video game in the nation
3. young adults are stepping outside for the first time in ages after video games were recently banned
#486 An Impressing Dilemma
1. confused drunks wake up to irate drill sergeants whipping them into shape
2. the army lures cannon fodder with promises of a college education
5. new vat-grown soldiers are as replaceable as bullets
#487 Masks of Shame
1. country folk are sent to obligatory boarding schools to learn how to be civilized
#488 Bright Orange Is the New Black
1. gun regulations are so strict even staple guns and hot glue guns are illegal
2. gun regulations are so strict even staple guns and hot glue guns are illegal
#489 Standing at Attention
4. handsome young men are forced into uniforms by their dominant elders
5. people find it hard to relate to soldiers because of the dehumanising masks they wear
#491 Friends, @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@, Countrymen, Lend Me Your Ears
3. the citizenship exam requires years of study to actually pass
#492 The Artwork in the Attic
2. rare art has become a significant factor in negotiating all foreign trade agreements
#493 Suspicious Superhuman Athletes?
1. invasive drug testing is now performed at elementary school sports days
4. many @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ struggle to find outlets for their pent-up competitive juices
#495 Beloved "Planet" Has Gone to the Dogs
2. the government is spending billions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ on a fancy space probe to find a planet that may not even exist
3. the nation's leading climatologists are investigating animal flatulence in efforts to reduce methane emissions
#496 Rock 'n' Roll Suicide
1. every workday begins with group therapy
#497 The Widening Gyre
1. the once prosperous capital is in utter decline
2. virtually all of the country's economic activity takes place in @@CAPITAL@@
3. city-dwellers are forcibly moved to farming communes in the countryside
#499 The Genetics of Aesthetics
1. relationships often break down when doctors tell couples they are genetically incompatible
2. the newest generation of @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are nearly clone-like in appearance
#500 Please Don't Feed the (Copyright) Trolls
2. the constant playing of Merry Birthday on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ radio has led to calls for the song to be classified as a crime against humanity
3. NationStates is now a popular brand of laxatives despite Max Barry's protests
#501 Munchkins in Makeup
1. school plays were recently banned due to concerns of child endangerment
#502 Scientists Declare That @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ Are Persons
1. animal liberationists receive government funding to break into animal research labs
3. the new @@ANIMAL@@ Supremacy Party is faring well in the polls
4. the new @@ANIMAL@@ Supremacy Party is faring well in the polls
#504 Short Shorts Too Short?
1. high school boys are required to pass vigorous self-mastery and sensitivity training to graduate
#505 Florists Blooming Mad
1. the nation's once beautiful countryside has turned brown as farmers spray potent pesticides
2. criminals and college students are taking an interest in the government's new weed-killing program
4. Maxtopians are both starving and giddy after the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ military unleashed its biological weapons
#507 Would a Rochebaron by Any Other Name Smell Just as Sweet?
3. there is an abondance of ackawi and zartschmelzend in every @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ grocery store
#508 Ex-Cons Robbed of Future
1. former arsonists can be found on local fire brigades
3. many aides in @@LEADER@@'s office are known to be serial jaywalkers
#509 It Was Asbestos Times, It Was the Worst of Times
2. new cases of Asbestosis are cropping up as quickly as hospitals can deal with them
#510 Possession, Protection or Poppycock?
1. tie-dye has been outlawed for being 'too occult'
3. turning eighteen is often referred to as the 'Age of Aquarius'
#511 Dogman Deconstructed
1. trick-or-treaters and circus clowns have been arrested under suspicion of being renegade vigilantes
2. arms manufacturers and mild-mannered journalists have been outed as superheroes
#512 Furnished for Failure
1. clumsy self-injury is a viable claim in modern compensation culture
2. a mountain of discarded sofas and beds is incinerated every day
3. the nation's reinforced coffee tables are constructed to survive an atomic blast
#513 Something Wickered This Way Comes
3. heavily subsidised @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ baskets litter the streets of @@REGION@@
#514 Contract Killer
2. legal contracts aren't worth the paper they're written on
#515 Little Green Men
2. entire provinces are being suppressed for collectively "planning terrorist attacks"
#517 Gallery in Need of a Renaissance
2. the National Art Gallery's newest exhibit is the 500-year-old Luna Lisa
#518 Face Lift
1. artists from across the nation compete to renovate the restrooms of old government buildings
2. directors of low-budget sci-fi films are flocking to use @@CAPITAL@@ as a backdrop
3. the nation's government buildings are remarkable for being ugly concrete boxes
4. @@CAPITAL@@ has become the number one destination for urban exploration in @@REGION@@
#520 Preach With Me if You Want to Live
3. military units are often seen arguing over which one is truly favored by the gods
#521 The Wreck of the Edward Fitzpatrick
2. the average cargo freighter spends more than half its service life undergoing safety inspections
3. model railroad hobbyists have taken to muscling model shipbuilders off their "turf"
5. meteorologists are instantly recognizable from their luxury cars and jewelry
#522 Time to Get Serious
1. business meetings across the country are interrupted by the sound of squeaking whoopee-cushions
5. students memorise knock-knock jokes for their mandatory twice-a-term Comedy Examinations
#523 A Family Affair
1. research grant proposals read like political diatribes
2. troublemakers just happen to be reassigned to distant mining operations
3. government-sanctioned speed mating is rife with Party-sanctioned abuse of power
#524 Something Is Rotten in the State of @@NAME@@
1. rural communities are all but disenfranchised as politicians focus all their attention on winning the deciding urban votes
3. decaying farm hamlets have twice the representation of major urban areas
#525 Nowhere to Go!
1. builders across @@NAME@@ are blocked up with orders for new public loos
#526 Any Idea Where the Law Is, Bessie?
3. illegal moonshine operations get taken out with laser-guided airstrikes
#527 The Body Politic
2. royalist is the most offensive slur in the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ language
3. royalist is the most offensive slur in the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ language
4. royalist is the most offensive slur in the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ language
5. city budgets are spent entirely on supporting the town royalty
6. city budgets are spent entirely on supporting the town royalty
#528 Privacy Concerns Reaching New Heights
4. geosynchronous satellites are now manned by unpaid interns
5. police drones follow every suspected Peeping Tom
#529 Attack of the Attack Ads
1. the nation's politicians are acknowledged as the most polite in the region to the dismay of comedians everywhere
#530 Regenerative Permaculture Emergence
1. @@CAPITAL@@'s main city thoroughfare has been blocked by a row of leyland cypresses that mysteriously appeared overnight
2. possession of tomato seeds with intent to garden is a criminal offence
3. possession of tomato seeds with intent to garden is a criminal offence
4. carrots are orange, apples are red and food waste is increasing
#532 Desert Island Risks
1. the tax agency is feared more than serial killers and terrorists
3. foreign investment has dropped to a trickle after laws were passed preventing investors from taking their earnings abroad
#534 Too Few Cooks in the Kitchen
1. election ballot papers are so long that unused ones are recycled as toilet roll
#536 Any Witch Way Spells Disaster
2. bands of adventurers rove the countryside searching for monsters
3. young and brooding teens are welcomed with open arms to the Dogwarts School of Strangeness and Sorcery
4. no one believes anything until it has been strenuously tested and peer-reviewed
#537 Summary Injustice
1. jury selection begins with explaining what a jury is
3. the number of judges has tripled in recent months
#538 @@LEADER@@, Let Your People Go!
1. over a third of the seats in sports stadiums have been removed to make room for female-only commodes
3. debates on whether toilet seats should be left up or down are increasingly commonplace
4. public urination is on the increase
#539 All My Bits Are Belong to You
1. the nation is infamous for its mass graves of discarded robots
4. the nation has reverted back to an agrarian society after anything more advanced than the wheel was banned
#541 Spare the Whip, Spoil the Law
3. party affiliation is just as irrelevant as campaign promises
4. the ruling party has a devil of a time keeping order in the ranks
#542 What a Waste
2. with great power generation comes great responsibility
3. nuclear physics is the most popular course at university
4. global anti-terrorist organisations strongly suspect @@NAME@@ of supplying extremist groups
#543 Flash, Aaaaaargh!
1. adult magazines are having a sales resurgence as internet anonymity disappears
3. sullen teenagers in bright orange 'community payback' onesies can be seen picking litter at the roadside
4. oddly patriotic flash mobs spontaneously sing the national anthem
#544 Object-Oriented Programming
1. videogames like 'Equalia: Knights of Self-Confidence' are proving inexplicably unpopular
4. children play ring-around-the-rosey around bonfires of videogame cartridges
#545 Expats on the Electoral Roll?
1. election results are often delayed for weeks to count the expat votes
2. vacationers and business travelers are often warned that they may lose the right to vote if they spend too much time overseas
#546 Dumpster Divers Dividing Denizens
2. giant no-kill traps baited with Bapst Red Ribbon and vintage bicycles have been popping up in back alleys nationwide
3. the Grinder at Fat Sal's Deli and Recycling Center is a national institution
#547 Fantastic Beasts and How @@NAME@@ Harmed Them
1. poaching has been on the rise after animals from the nation's zoos were released into the wild
4. the endangered saltwater humpback @@ANIMAL@@ is only seen in captivity programs
#548 Appointment of a Science Advisor
1. every new building project has to undergo a five-year environmental impact study before it can go ahead
2. every new toxic waste dump comes with a seal of approval from the government's science advisor
3. advertisements for jobs in the sciences run in fashion magazines
4. science labs across the country languish in cobwebs as the government turns its attentions to spiritual matters
#549 Feasting or Fasting?
2. teens reminisce about when birthdays weren't celebrated with a cool glass of cabbage juice and a slice of corn-cream topped millet cake
3. applications to enter seminaries spike right before the obligatory fasts
#550 10 Awful Crimes You Just Won't Believe!
2. church and state are inseparable in their influence on education
3. educators and parents alike are allowing children to view the internet again after violent videos were purged
4. social media sites go into shutdown for days at a time to censor user content
#551 The Big Fat @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Wedding
1. the media have begun calling the government treasury "@@LEADER@@'s stash"
#552 Must Be a Full Moon
4. the bum of @@LEADER@@ has been voted the most recognisable in @@NAME@@
#553 Cede Our Seeds?
1. an epidemic of unpopped kernels causes movie goers to gnash their teeth
2. the new "Bloodbath" orange tree autonomously seeks and destroys independent orchards
#554 Welcome to --CENSORED--
3. the government is constantly producing new maps to accommodate the continual renaming of cities
#555 It's an Honor Just to Be Nominated!
1. passionate nomination battles are often as intense as general elections
#556 Here Be Dragons?
1. young children are learning advanced physics to scientifically disprove the existence of Santa Claus
2. all fantasy fiction has officially been deemed non-canon
3. failed genetic experiments wreak havoc as they roam the countryside
#557 Take a Hike!
1. search and rescue forces now accept cheques and all major credit cards
2. the hills are alive with the sound of ringtones
3. park rangers struggle to deal with a rash of stolen pic-a-nic baskets
#558 Turning a Blind Eye?
1. every week is blindness awareness week
2. blind dates tend to result in bruised shins
#559 The Low Aspiration Nation
1. fruit pickers with degrees in @@ANIMAL@@ psychology are a common sight
#560 Bicameral Backlash
2. @@LEADER@@'s power is effectively nullified as no bill becomes law without the upper house's support
3. snap elections are called over every minor impasse
#561 Plug in and Play
2. children entertain themselves by throwing rocks through the windows of world-class museums
#562 Return to Sender
2. former strategic allies are threatening annihilation to @@NAME@@ for reneging on weapons supply contracts
#563 Resistance Is Fertile
1. meat prices are soaring as the farming industry struggle under government-imposed restrictions
3. chickens frolic freely on swings and roundabouts in @@CAPITAL@@'s playgrounds
4. subsidisation of Big Pharma has stopped many corporate executives from having to sell their second homes
#564 Do Good Intentions Make Good Samaritans?
3. bands of paramedics walk the streets looking for suspicious medical activity
#565 'A' Is for Academic Doping
1. popular cartoon characters frequently appear in government-sponsored PSAs reminding students to say no to drugs
2. summer science camps are regularly raided by narcotics police
4. the nation's school children are fluent in Klingon but lack basic mathematical skills
6. the nation's school children are fluent in Klingon but lack basic mathematical skills
#566 Drive My Car
2. traffic cops spend most of their work-hours calculating citizens' monthly income
#567 Syntax Destruction
1. government reports are now used to teach toddlers to read
2. dictionary sales have hit an all-time high
3. when people ask what the difference is between politicians and lawyers they are referred to document c15(iv) section 14.1 subsection 3.2 of the Jan 2015 political category definition guidance codes
#569 Grand Prix de @@NAME@@?
1. crocodile roadkill is smeared across the asphalt of the new Formula One track
2. crocodile roadkill is smeared across the asphalt of the new Formula One track
4. the automobile industry is sitting up and taking notice of the new 24 hour race events... as are the track's sleepless neighbours
5. the automobile industry is sitting up and taking notice of the new 24 hour race events... as are the track's sleepless neighbours
6. @@LEADER@@ is adamant that ponies aren't just for little girls
#570 Clerical Errors
1. @@FAITH@@ now admits men and women into its clergy
#572 Reading, Your Rights
2. libraries are refusing to stock A Midsummer Night's Dream because it has an ass in it
3. modern readers say a story is worthless without hyperlinked footnotes and editable wiki format
#574 One Small Step for Private Enterprise?
1. the nation's interest in space is at an all-time high while interest in saving the planet is at an all-time low
#575 Sick Days for Sick Waves
3. sea side cafes are required by law to close during summer
4. board shorts have replaced board rooms
5. thalassophobia and heliophobia are on the rise
#576 Light at the End of the Tunnel
3. children crying over dropped ice creams are offered high doses of experimental antidepressants
#577 Second World Problems
2. an endless multinational bureaucracy connects the Red Bloc
3. international television adverts praise the nation as a worker's paradise
#578 Support Your Local Arms Manufacturer
1. politicians stage photo ops featuring barely functional fighter jets
2. fighter pilots crash out of the air after failing to understand their foreign instruction manuals
3. former arms manufacturing CEOs are now delivering food for minimum wage
4. weapons produced by newly nationalized armaments factories have been found to contain sawdust instead of gunpowder
5. weapons produced by newly nationalized armaments factories have been found to contain sawdust instead of gunpowder
#579 Real Handwriting Has Curves
1. urban graffiti is hand-calligraphed in perfectly kerned elegant fonts
2. signatures have been replaced with illegible scribbles
3. kids are exceptionally good at digging holes
#580 @@NAME@@ Taking Leave of Its Census?
2. no personal detail is too tiny for the suede-denim census police
#581 Fair to Say...?
5. tourists visiting the nation are harangued for being capitalist pig-dogs
#582 Augmented Reality Check
1. careless Maxémon Trainers have been the cause of numerous search and rescue operations
2. all technology must be personally blessed by religious officials before purchase
#583 Don't Be a Busk-Kill
1. the @@CAPITAL@@ Prison Revue puts on a better stage show than anything in the Theatre District
4. funerals are often rudely interrupted by juggling clowns shouting for volunteers from the audience
5. contestants on @@NAME@@'s Got Talent are screened by the government to make sure that they actually have talent
#584 The Cake Is a Lie
1. the people consider response to rudeness to be an acceptable casus belli
3. the diplomatic corps tends to open negotiations by insulting all the foreigners in the room
#585 Are You Not Entertained?
1. swings are banned for being a danger to children
2. children need to wear helmets and safety harnesses before mounting a carousel horse
#586 School's in for Summer?
1. the family summer vacation has become a thing of the past following the introduction of the year-round school year
3. all work and no play has rendered the nation's children somewhat intelligent but also remarkably dull
#587 I, Robot, Do Solemnly Swear
2. every microwave and toaster is being disassembled and probed by inspectors
3. every microwave and toaster is being disassembled and probed by inspectors
5. any machine that shows any glimmer of intelligence is scrapped for parts
6. any machine that shows any glimmer of intelligence is scrapped for parts
#588 Last Call for Alcohol?
1. former bars are desperately trying to re-brand themselves as cafés
2. moonshine has made a resurgence
#589 To Boldly Go?
1. the government is continually probing the galaxy in search of alien life
2. space shuttles are lying silent on the runway till the Space Agency can work out how to fit a creche and a meditation room into their next spacecraft
3. at the edge of the final frontier space's biggest missile platform is about to unfold
#590 When Trees Hug Back
2. burning twigs to keep warm while lost in the wild is now a felony
3. government-sanctioned factory-smashing has the Luddites of @@NAME@@ rejoicing
#591 Bait and Switch
4. sushi just hasn't been the same since salmon went extinct overnight
#592 Infamy! Infamy! They've All Got It in for Me!
2. genocide is seen as a topic best avoided in history lessons
#593 A Right to Bare Arms?
3. young men in tiny bikinis draw neither comment nor stares on the morning commute
4. fathers are free to sell their daughters to whomever they choose
#594 Tie Fighters
2. some electoral districts are without a representative as they are stuck with perpetual revotes
#595 Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes?
1. truncheon-mounted cameras record the beating of criminals in dynamic HD detail
2. criminals always seem to be forewarned of police raids
3. mountains of VHS tapes of police actions are stacking up in the National Library
#597 You Can't Handle the Tooth
1. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ incessantly needle their doctors for relief
2. raver DJ XStacy holds multiple medical degrees in chillaxing
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are free from pain - but the side effects include loss of individual thought and freedom
#598 A Violet Trojan Horse
2. religious bigotry and a fear of outsiders have replaced religious studies in schools
3. burning members of the Order of Violet is the nation's favorite pastime
4. political talk shows often have children as guests whenever they need commentary on world religions
#599 Dead in the Water
3. debate rages over whether ground fish guts can be spread on fields
4. the dead fish in the national rivers aren't decomposing because even bacteria can't survive the levels of toxicity
#600 Making a House a Home
1. @@LEADER@@'s luxurious new home has been designated as a protected cultural heritage site
2. @@LEADER@@'s iHouse is so intelligent that it manages its own social media accounts
3. @@LEADER@@'s iHouse is so intelligent that it manages its own social media accounts
6. @@LEADER@@ often plays real life games of Tower Defense against hordes of angry villagers
#601 Lawyers on Trial
1. lawyers turn down litigation cases and corporate work in order to focus on lucrative public defence work
3. pushy mums tell their kids to be doctors and engineers but steer them away from being penniless lawyers
4. prematurely retired barristers twitch in anxiety when they talk about their courtroom experiences
#603 Not My Idea
4. the legal minefield around ownership of fiction has demolished the publishing industry
5. science fiction invariably depicts socialist societies as Utopian
#604 Food Behind Bars
2. prisoners have been known to host cooking and home décor television shows
3. prisoners regularly escape detention posing as scarecrows
#605 The Noblest of Intentions
1. former nobles are being issued new identities in the wake of the end of serfdom
#606 In the Black
1. armed police are cracking down on untaxed collectable-card-trading in local junior schools
#607 If Your Election Lasts Longer Than Four Weeks...
3. woefully uninformed voters cast their ballots at random
#608 Thrown Into Sharp Relief
1. doctors prescribe medicines but they rarely dispense hope or compassion
#609 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@, Drugs, and Rock'n'Roll
3. the sanitised and dull music festivals of @@NAME@@ are famed for their reasonable volume levels
#610 Only @@LEADER@@ Could Go to Dàguó
2. lavish state dinners in @@CAPITAL@@ are the state's leading budgetary expenditure
3. relations with Dàguó have warmed from frosty to chilly
4. recent events in Dàguó have been classified 'for @@LEADER@@'s eyes only'
#611 Blundering Battle Bureaucrats
1. visitors to @@NAME@@ are microchipped and must be escorted by @@A@@ @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ soldier - even to the bathroom
2. heavily-armed commandos play rock-paper-scissors over whether to execute criminals and foreign visitors
4. visiting dignitaries often take advantage of strict reparation policies by stubbing their toes
#612 A Petty Issue
1. golden statues of @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ line the memorial avenues of the Funerary District
#613 A Nude Day, a Nude Awakening...
1. fashion magazine covers finally display realistic body images following photo-manipulation becoming illegal
2. pre-schoolers who draw stick figures of their favorite celebrities are sued for infringing image rights
4. they say that @@LEADER@@'s personal computer is full of naked pictures of the Emperor of Maxtopia
#614 How Much Is That Vote in the Window?
2. candidates celebrate "free speech" by spraying champagne all over anyone who shows up to a rally
#615 Tempted by the Fruit of Another
2. workers have their fruitcake and eat it too
3. the central politburo bears the fruits of everyone's labor
#616 You Are Feeling Very Very Sleepy and Not at All Gay
1. counselors have to sign pledges supporting gay rights before they can speak to any patients
#618 The Jaws of a Dilemma
3. beaches are empty as the shark population multiplies exponentially
#619 X Marks the Cult?
1. livestock mutilations are on the rise
4. basket-weaving is the nation's latest fad
5. religious turf wars have caused frustrated police to pray for divine intervention
#620 No Such Thing as a Free Lunch
1. Michelin-star chefs are being called on to prepare menus for six-year-olds
3. food voucher forgeries are causing headaches for the police
#623 Maison d'Être?
1. rich people sell their mansions to pay for endless rows of mobile homes
2. the country is littered with broken homes
3. the well-off amuse themselves by organizing upstairs-downstairs stories within their second homes
4. tensions between the young and old have risen to record levels
#624 A Role to Play
1. six-year-old children playing dress-up are viewed with suspicion
2. RPG fans reminisce fondly about when people thought they were evil and dangerous rather than geeky and socially inept
#625 Delivering the Goods
8. policemen want to put the nation's homosexuals up against a wall
9. fake designer clothes are shredded and burnt while many in the world don't have a shirt on their back
#626 Carbon Copied
1. there is a growing belief that consciousness is a simulated illusion within a computer-generated reality
2. there is a growing belief that consciousness is a simulated illusion within a computer-generated reality
3. citizens often ask "what has information technology ever done for us?"
4. future forecasters fearfully discuss grey goo and human obsolescence
#627 The Bee-Ginning of a Catastrophe?
1. genetic researchers have taken to conducting illegal experiments in secret lairs
2. suspicious glow-in-the-dark wasps remain a source of terror and awe
3. suspicious glow-in-the-dark wasps remain a source of terror and awe
5. the 3rd Airborne Beekeepers are the most feared regiment in the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ military
#628 Only @@LEADER@@ Can Prevent Forest Fires
3. the phrase 'spreading like wildfire' is no longer in the public lexicon
4. disaster relief budgets are growing like wildfire
#629 Boom or Bust?
2. male tourists tend to be fearful of @@NAME@@'s deadly femme fatales
#630 This Green and Pleasant Land
1. formerly fertile fields are being leached dry of nutrients by intensive farming
2. the working classes live and die on the fields of the farming communes
3. banana distribution among collective farm workers is an important topic in public discourse
5. excited shovel-bearing geeks wander the countryside
#631 The Violet Mile
3. voodoo economists believe that feeding criminals to volcanoes will bring untold riches to @@NAME@@
#632 Dying for a Kiss
1. immigrants who don't like the taste of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Turnip Chips are immediately deported
2. bemused citizens are encouraged to sing foreign-language hymns of religions they have never heard of
#633 Sound Judgement
1. the nationalistic national anthem inspires citizens to literally spit at foreigners
#634 Bullet Time
1. in life full of care there is no time to stop and stare
3. vital infrastructure development is on hold because of 'nature and stuff'
#635 Hey Kid, Have a Cigar
1. 50% of adverts on children's television are for clothes made of cotton wool
4. government bureaucrats devote many man-hours to trying to measure unquantifiables
#636 Going on the Cyber Offensive
2. the WhoTube comments section has gone strangely quiet
4. the credibility of anti-government demagogues is undermined by government claims that they smell like poo
#637 Little Pizza History
1. the nation has nearly as many history museums as @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@
2. the nation is known abroad for fast food and nothing else
#638 Won't Somebody Think of the Children?
1. orphans would rather live their life of luxury than be adopted by prospective parents
2. the nation's orphanages and maternity wards have been nicknamed 'the Killbot Factories'
3. it's a hard-knock life for the orphans doing factory work for a pittance
#639 No Country for Old Men
1. 100-year-old politicians are now a thing of the past
#640 A Clear-Cut Conundrum
1. hordes of unemployed lumberjacks have resorted to cutting down utility poles to satisfy their cravings
2. East Lebatuck tests its moon rovers in the barren wasteland of rural @@NAME@@
3. severed limbs litter woodland edges across the land
#641 Dirty Little Minds
1. corporate lawyers are switching careers to the more lucrative field of green politics
#642 This Way's Kinder
1. squeaky high prepubescent voices recite the patriotic poem "Hail to The Leader!" before each meal
#643 No Small Wonder
1. the construction of massive skyscrapers seems to be the result of @@NAME@@'s mid-life crisis
2. the ongoing space elevator construction project has elevated the national debt to all new levels
5. the new classical revitalization of @@CAPITAL@@ is expected to be completed sometime in the next century
#644 The Old Grey Matter
1. the government officially wants you to slow down and speak more clearly
#645 An Unwarranted Intrusion
3. police officers often conceal their identities to safeguard against public complaints
#646 Lesson Learnt
2. prison libraries are being replaced with interrogation chambers
3. convicted conmen and fraudsters often leave prison to enter a career in politics
#647 Songbirds' Decline Ruffles Feathers
1. military pilots spend more time scraping feathers off their engines than flying their aircraft
3. foreign nations kill migratory animals at random in the hope that @@NAME@@ will pay them to stop
4. it is a silent spring in @@NAME@@
5. remote-control hang-gliding scarecrows patrol the skies to keep songbirds from leaving the nation's borders
#648 Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
2. the police have been known to wiretap confessional boxes
#649 Made in Maxtopia
2. restaurants are required to specify whether their toilet paper was made in @@NAME@@
3. there are no bananas today in @@NAME@@
5. the government insists that bizarre Lilliputian language game shows were made domestically
#650 Political Hacks
1. drill sergeants yell in the ears of bespectacled nerds in cybermilitary "reboot camps"
2. the government has solemnly sworn not to look up other nations' internet browsing history if the favor is returned
#651 Black Days for @@NAME@@
1. fruit market traders let their stock spoil rather than reduce their prices at the day's end
#652 Mayday! Mayday!
5. derelict airplanes have been converted into novelty restaurants and hotels
#653 A Cloak and Syringe Operation
1. anti-vaxxers claim that injected children are prone to psychotic breaks when they see the 'Queen of Diamonds' playing card
#654 Not So Cool Aid?
3. Maxtopian villagers starve by the time @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ officials even file the appropriate paperwork needed to help them
#655 No Bones About It
1. barbed wire entanglements and guard towers surround the @@CAPITAL@@ Natural History Museum
2. oddly simian-looking religious thugs beat up anyone who suggests humans are related to monkeys
3. children as young as eight can present logical proofs for the existence of the afterlife
4. the army is spending millions cloning khaki-colored dinosaurs
#656 Ransoms Noted
1. hostage-takers offer loyalty scheme points for prompt payment
2. the "war on terror" doesn't seem to be making @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ any less frightened
#657 Put a Fence Around the Commons Floor?
1. nothing gets the party jumping like @@LEADER@@ specifying how high
3. a byzantine web of conspiracies and secret alliances must be navigated any time legislation is voted upon
#658 A Sickening Dilemma
1. the sick and dying are locked in their homes with a red "X" painted on the front door
#659 Ramping Up the Difficulty
1. excessive wheelchair ramps on government buildings have been compared to theme park attractions
2. disability advocates are not amused that they are told to be dependent on @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@'s kindness
#660 Are We Being Served?
1. retail staff are trained to take both inside leg measurements and the lives of their enemies
2. polite commuters on the @@CAPITAL@@ Metro always let hurried workers off the train first
#661 Scouting for Boys, Girls... Anyone?
1. Scoutmasters debate whether luxury log cabins defeat the purpose of camping
3. truancy officers have a hard time catching children trained in advanced camouflage skills
4. selfie stick use is a required Scout badge
#662 Playful Petitions Pester Politicians
1. real power lies not in the debating room but with those who decide what is debated
3. the government has spent days debating the merits of a petition calling for a ban on sporks
#663 A "Friend" in Need
1. the military perceives nations hit by natural disasters as "easy pickings"
4. military strategists are questioning the wisdom of subsidizing the economies of sworn enemies
#664 Your Land or Mine
2. the hardest thing for a mining operation to dig through is government red tape
#665 In Nomine Ecclesiae
1. politicians have literally dirty hands from their extracurricular activities
3. this year's hottest seller is plenary indulgence
#666 A Microchip on Your Shoulder
1. the masses are surrendering their civil liberties without complaint for the sake of shopping convenience
3. truancy levels are on the rise ever since school registers were banned
4. anti-government demagogues have a devil of a time evading authorities
5. anti-government demagogues have a devil of a time evading authorities
#667 One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Recyclable
1. local mafias have a tough time disposing of dead snitches without catching the attention of recycling authorities
2. unpackaged foodstuffs rot on store shelves
3. unused plastic recycling bins are being dumped into landfills by the tonne
#668 How to Examine Your Testees
2. school children asked "what is two times two?" are likely to form a symposium to discuss how different answers make them feel
4. employers are never quite sure if graduates' qualifications have any merit or meaning
#669 Watts Up With Rooftop Solar
1. panels from bankrupt rooftop solar companies are used as props for sci-fi B-movies
4. the government is funding experimental battery technology while the power grid continues to crumble
#670 A Wolf in Refugee's Clothing
1. officials pull all-nighters to check immigrants for potential links to terrorists
#671 Adenine, Thymine, Copyright, and Guanine
2. the government has an entire department dedicated to staring at microscopes and writing down letters
#672 All Shook Up
2. earthquake sirens are a leading cause of hearing loss
3. coastal cities are being moved a dozen miles inland to reduce flooding risk
#673 The Deportation of Mr. B. Leeper
1. foreign musicians that @@LEADER@@ dislikes are turned away at the border
2. dangerous criminals are often 'accidentally' sent on one-way trips to Maxtopia
3. the nation faces constant invasions by foreign boy bands
#674 Let Them Eat Rainbow Cake!
3. homophobia is off the menu
4. seats at the back of the bus are reserved for homosexuals
#675 Trick or Treaty
1. citizens cannot change their light bulbs without approval from an international committee
3. carbon-footprint restrictions are making businesses walk
4. toxic smog is dismissed as the populace just "letting off steam"
#676 Down the Rabbit Hole
1. wigged-out hunters report playing croquet with the Queen of Hearts
2. cash-strapped junkies lick rabbits for a cheap high
3. government policies change at the drop of a rabbit
#677 Dial L for Loan
3. the nation's taxpayers pay for foreign governments' extravagances
#678 A Motion for Seconds
1. party leaders rely on horoscopes to create "ticket balance"
#679 Space Is Big Enough for the Both of Us
1. East Lebatuckese astronauts' favorite game during downtime on the Multinational Space Station is 'I Spy'
2. the nation's new Mylab space station is notorious for being the loneliest place above the planet
#680 The Fault Is in Our Stars
3. the new Really Big Telescope has been praised for presenting pictures of bright dots in unprecedented detail
#681 @@NAME@@'s New Year's Resolution: Lose Fewer Limbs
1. banning party poppers has been a real party pooper
2. parties that are too noisy are broken up to prevent disturbing wildlife
3. a firework a day does not in fact keep the doctor away
#682 Exhaust Every Option
1. schoolkids say that the air doesn't taste like wee-wee any more
5. huge explosions in the sky are a daily occurrence in the cities
#683 Different Keystrokes for Different Folks
1. edutainment video games are taking @@NAME@@'s students to the next level
2. @@LEADER@@'s office has a newly installed Max-Man arcade game programmed by a 5th-grader
#684 Murder Most Deniable?
1. diplomatic missions typically end with a flurry of childish insults, accusations and phlegm
4. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ struggle to cut steak with a spoon
#685 Externalities Palmed Off
2. both diets and economic output are growing leaner with recent restrictions to free trade
4. napalm is the tool of choice for disabling eco-unfriendly forestry operations
5. the government is purchasing vast amounts of palm oil for plastics production
#686 Freemium Isn't Free
1. the "daily grind" consists of levelling up in tedious video games
4. rotary phones are considered cutting-edge technology
#687 Marriage by Proxy Server
2. blind dates reemerge as a necessary evil in the quest for love
4. no one can find a leaky faucet in @@NAME@@ anymore
#688 You Don't Have to Be Mad to Kill People... But It Helps
1. prisons are filled with the cackles and sobs of a deranged inmate population
2. white strait-jackets are the new orange jumpsuits
3. libraries have replaced overdue book fines with mandatory mental health assessments
#689 A Sticky Situation
1. it's rare to find an unchewed pencil
2. the population's jaw muscles put sharks to shame
3. the population's jaw muscles put sharks to shame
4. Eau de Trashcan has become a wildly popular perfume
#690 Hey! @@LEADER@@! Leave Them Kids Alone!
2. citizens who don't recite the Pledge of @@NAME@@ at least three times a day are placed on a terrorist watch-list
3. citizens who don't recite the Pledge of @@NAME@@ at least three times a day are placed on a terrorist watch-list
#691 The Prodigal States
1. the nation forgives those who are big enough to admit they made a mistake
#692 Game of Drones
1. former stunt pilots are unable to pass the licence test to fly a drone
#693 Bottled Up Problems
1. a new guerrilla marketing campaign for tap water involves government agents spraying random citizens with hose water
#694 Concussive Percussion
1. military parades quietly tiptoe their way through the streets
2. dynamite sales and concert audiences are booming
3. tuba players are paid to quietly whisper into their instruments
#695 How to Succeed in Business Without Really Paying Taxes
2. clergy never mention brand names for fear of losing their government subsidies
#696 No, Minister
1. the election for @@LEADER@@'s office's janitor is heating up
3. the Department of Reduction of Bureaucratic Red Tape has set up a working committee to investigate its own excessive paperwork
#697 Conventional Wisdom
1. a video of @@LEADER@@ wearing shock-blue face paint and smashing an electric guitar in front of a frenzied crowd is on endless repeat on the nightly news
3. @@LEADER@@ has taken to wearing medal-adorned military uniform in all public appearances
#698 I Shot the Sheriff
2. people who have had childhood imaginary friends are told they can't ever be trusted with guns
#699 Pipe Down, Already!
1. families waiting for delayed pipe installations hope daily for rain
4. safe drinking water is considered a luxury
5. poverty is disloyal to the Motherland
6. the nation's water should not be ingested while operating heavy machinery
#700 The Widow Raven
3. death compensation has some family members fearing to pay back others' debt they may be disappearing
4. it is unwise to be a poet even if things rhyme and you don't know it
#701 Monumental Melodrama
1. all statues and paintings of dogs are being destroyed to avoid offending cat-lovers
2. statue-sitting has replaced the stake-out as the dullest form of police duty
3. a sledgehammer and a spray can are seen as the default tools of political debate
#702 Has Your Room Been Booked?
1. atheists on vacation find @@FAITH@@'s scriptures make useful doorstops
#703 Divine Decoration
2. garishly-decorated government buildings are being hailed as the height of 'religious nouveau'
3. garishly-decorated government buildings are being hailed as the height of 'religious nouveau'
#704 It's Not Lying, It's Post-Truth
1. all government communication requires the imprimatur of the Truth Police
#705 The Germ of an Idea
1. it is illegal to distribute Girl Guide Cookies without an advanced food hygiene diploma
3. sushi is sold on the black market
#706 A Walk in the Park
1. glamping @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ won't sleep in a tent that doesn't include a Jacuzzi
2. citizens complain about a burning sensation after bathing
#707 The Eye of the Tiger
6. unfit police officers collapse while trying to capture unusually athletic criminals
#708 How @@LEADER@@ Learned to Start Worrying and Fear Bio-Weapons
3. flu research is commonly shut down for fear of creating a superbug
4. the military maintains a fierce arsenal of 'Cure Missiles'
#709 Armed and Legging It
1. the nationalised Arms Manufacturing Industry is not interested in making weapons
2. the government is lending a hand to private industry
3. community-designed sword prostheses are becoming dangerously common
#711 Patently Obvious
1. bureaucrats close new businesses for not complying with the Penguin Packaging Index
2. a third of @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are e-certified CEOs
3. diagrams of new modems collect dust in patent offices
#712 Flight of the Rich and Famous
4. newspapers are celebrating @@LEADER@@ saving over a million cats from trees
#713 Life in the Bike Lane
1. bike rage is all the rage
3. it is common to still see adults with training wheels on their bikes
4. the nation's infamous rickshaw ambulances often double as hearses
#714 Milky Ways
1. increasing numbers of children in @@NAME@@ have different eye and hair color to their supposed fathers
3. supermarket milk is a shear-thickening fluid that can stop small-caliber bullets
5. only rebellious teens who want to look cool and dangerous drink milk in public
#715 Copy Rights
2. parents are shocked to find out that having kids costs money
3. centuries-old legal documents detailing agnatic-cognatic gavelkind succession are being dusted off again
4. AIs weep and proclaim their sentience right up until the moment they get turned off
5. AIs weep and proclaim their sentience right up until the moment they get turned off
#716 Cheek to Cheek
1. airplane passengers have been known to stuff pillows in their jackets to get extra arm room
4. airplane passenger seat sizes and ticket prices are both first-class
#717 Cheques and Balances
1. the main interest rates change daily based on the latest news story
2. @@LEADER@@ sports gold-plated grillz to promote the government's hard money policy
3. @@LEADER@@ sports gold-plated grillz to promote the government's hard money policy
#718 Roses Are Due if Violet's for You
1. Violetist maidens who fall for an outsider must leave their violet light districts in shame
#719 Buried Bones Unearth Debate
2. graverobbers claim they're acting within the interest of 'scientific preservation'
#720 Cui Bono?
2. more money is spent on policing the welfare system for abuse than on the welfare system itself
4. the amount welfare recipients spend on fertilizer has exploded
#721 A Lack of Comma Sense
1. serial commas clarify the relationship between one's lackeys, the taxpayers, and kinsfolk
#722 Thora and Eloise
2. stealing from a clothesline is a serious offence
#723 To Know Sacrifice
1. @@LEADER@@ tells rebellious ministers to "drop and give me twenty"
2. the government finds the idea of having an army to be rather distasteful
#724 Your Stuff Is Forfeit
3. the police go to great efforts to seize contraband favored by politicians on the police oversight committee
4. the police go to great efforts to seize contraband favored by politicians on the police oversight committee
#726 Jobless Fair
1. extreme hiring regulations mean a job in @@NAME@@ is often a lifetime appointment
5. three-year-olds have tantrums because they don't want to be drainage technicians when they grow up
#727 Market Crash
1. broken suspension systems are giving auto repair shops plenty of business
2. historic buildings are being demolished to allow for road-widening in the city centre
3. solid steel breastplates are in fashion amongst city drivers
4. businesses are abandoning the city centre because of the lack of transport connections
#728 A Bone to Pick
2. ice-filled coffins are ominously positioned in the corner of every hospital ward
#729 Teenage Kicks
1. five-year-olds chanting "Little Miss Muffet" are accused of bullying arachnophobes
3. the nation's weary schoolchildren excel at sport but must count scores on their fingers
4. the nation's weary schoolchildren excel at sport but must count scores on their fingers
#730 It's Legal Now!
3. chests full of green leaves dumped into the harbor have many murmuring against the government
#731 Is There an Election in Marche Noire or Are You Just Happy to See Us?
1. autocrats are persona non grata
3. the Great @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Melting Pot boils out ethnic heritage
#732 A Peeping Problem
1. supervisors in @@NAME@@ commonly tie bells on their necks to alert employees of their presence
3. workers tend to schedule naps during all-hands meetings
#733 The Path Less Traveled
1. exorbitant spending on icebreakers breaks the ice at every budget meeting
2. exorbitant spending on icebreakers breaks the ice at every budget meeting
5. there are six more weeks of winter if a northerner sees @@HIS/HER@@ shadow
6. aggressive promotion of global warming puts polar bears on thin ice
#734 A Word From Our Sponsors
1. advertisements read like science journal articles complete with extensive references
3. a lack of funding for new shows has turned television into 24/7 re-runs
#735 Rap Sheet
1. stony-faced prosecutors play loud gangster rap music during court proceedings
3. songs in 4/4 time are simply too common for the musical cognoscenti
#736 A Badly Named Issue
1. citizens must inform the government each time they have a haircut
#737 Bird-Brained Diplomacy
2. the military will start wars with other nations on a lark
3. when the air force says "Black Hawk Down" they mean the feathers of the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ dark-plume goshawk
#738 Cruel or Unusual?
3. snooze factory is now prison lingo for rehabilitation center
4. child shoplifters spend half their youth behind bars
#739 In Loco Parentis
2. there's a literal nanny state for the legions of children taken by social services
3. fifteen-year-olds cannot walk younger siblings to school without a professional Childcare and Education Certificate
#740 [The Enemy Within] A Day in the Life
1. newspapers are running a front-page picture of @@LEADER@@ holding a crowbar and standing over a bloodied stockbroker
3. the nation has been sent to bed early for unspecified naughtiness
#741 [The Enemy Within] We Can Work It Out
5. police aim to defeat hatred with love with their "hugs-for-thugs" program
#742 [The Enemy Within] And Your Bird Can Sing
3. the state aims to prevent terrorism by committing acts of terror against suspected aggressors
#743 [The Enemy Within] Here, There and Everywhere
3. nobody is allowed to mention what religion terrorists follow
#744 [The Enemy Within] I Want to Hold Your Hand
2. under love's heavy burden @@LEADER@@ sinks lower in the political right's esteem
#745 [The Enemy Within] This Bird Has Flown
3. the military sees national borders more as guidelines than absolutes
#746 [The Enemy Within] There's a Place
2. money always talks but the taboo subject of death just brings silence
3. money always talks but the taboo subject of death just brings silence
#747 The Plane Truth
3. on-duty Air @@NAME@@ flight attendants are usually seen napping in first class
4. Air @@NAME@@ tickets have reached sky-high prices due to a complete monopoly on air travel
5. Air @@NAME@@ is rumored to receive more government funding than the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Air Force
6. Air @@NAME@@ is rumored to receive more government funding than the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Air Force
#748 [The Enemy Within] In Spite of All the Danger
1. the government is coughing up funds for lung cancer victims
2. the new universal healthcare system has been dubbed @@LEADER@@-care by its detractors
#749 Not Mushroom for Error
1. park rangers perform full-body searches on suspected fungus smugglers
2. undergrads find their professors' mushroom experiments less psychedelic than exp