#0 Should Democracy Be Compulsory?
1. voting is voluntary
2. voting is compulsory
3. elections have been outlawed

#1 Where's the Love Gone?
1. divorce is illegal
2. divorce is illegal
3. married couples must call each other "darling" or risk a fine
4. same-sex marriages are increasingly common

#2 Reclaim the Streets!
1. cars are banned
2. bicyclists are banned from major roads
3. the automotive industry soaks up huge government handouts

#3 Harry Potter Censorship Row
1. Harry Potter books are banned
2. Harry Potter books are banned
3. the latest Harry Potter book is a bestseller
4. the latest Harry Potter book is a bestseller

#4 Economic Collapse Looms!
1. all industry is owned and run by the government
2. the government is attempting to revitalize a gutted private sector
3. the government is attempting to revitalize a gutted private sector

#5 Child Casino Shock
1. gambling is outlawed
2. young children are regularly seen wagering pocket money at blackjack tables

#6 Appointment of Spiritual Advisor
1. the government is seen to favor traditionalist religions
2. the government's religious works are headed by a New Age guru
3. the nation's official head of religious affairs is an atheist [used to be "the government is avowedly atheist"]

#7 Animal Liberation Front Strikes Again
1. Animal Liberationists are regularly arrested
2. meat-eating is frowned upon
3. vegetarianism is compulsory
4. meat is a luxury afforded only to the wealthy

#8 Nudists Demand Time in Sun
1. citizens can be frequently spotted going about their business stark naked
2. public nudity is compulsory
3. nudity is frowned upon

#9 @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ on the Dinner Table?
1. @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ are considered a delicacy
2. a nation-wide cull of @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ is in effect
3. the @@ANIMAL@@ is a protected species

#10 Social Inequality Reaching Embarrassing Levels
1. the streets are increasingly clogged with poverty-stricken beggars
2. the government is slowly introducing social welfare programs
3. the country is preparing for war

#11 People Request Not So Much Dictatorship, if That's All Right
1. political activists are routinely executed
2. the government is cutting back on the number of political prisoners executed each year

#12 Death Penalty on Agenda
1. the death penalty has been reintroduced
2. extreme political groups are outlawed

#13 Too Much Yakking, Already, Say Delegation
1. the right to free speech is being drastically curtailed
2. @@NAME@@'s children are widely acknowledged as the most foul-mouthed in the region
3. it is a crime to offend someone's religious beliefs

#14 Military Demands Increased Spending
1. military spending is on the increase
2. military funding has been stripped back

#15 More Police Needed
1. the police force is on a recruitment drive
2. education and welfare spending are on the rise
3. thieves are flogged in public for their crimes

#16 @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ Workers Strike!
1. the nation is ravaged by daily union strikes
2. employers may fire workers without giving any reason

#17 Corporations Demand Political Say
1. corporations donate huge sums of money to favored politicians
2. political parties are banned from advertising and receiving private donations
3. a dictator has seized power and outlawed elections

#18 Citizens Struggle Under "Unfair" Tax Burden
1. the government is reining in public spending
2. high-income earners pay a 100% tax rate
3. citizens select which government department gets their income tax @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ each year

#19 @@NAME@@ Awash With Red-Rimmed Eyes
1. marijuana is legal in the privacy of your own home
2. all recreational drugs are legal

#20 Gunman Kills Three
1. kids are arrested at gunpoint for playing with toy rifles [used to be "guns are banned"]
2. the nation is completely gun-free
3. preschoolers practice disarming active shooters before naptime
4. a valid legal defense is 'dead men tell no tales'

#21 Police Consider "Big Brother" Anti-Crime System
1. surveillance cameras are banned
2. all major public areas are watched by police surveillance cameras
3. citizens are barcoded to keep track of their movements

#22 Nazi Sympathizers Plan Rally
1. it is illegal to make racist remarks in public
2. the tenet of free speech is held dear

#23 Uranium Deposit Promises to Enrich @@NAME@@
1. the country's famous rainforests are being bulldozed by the mining industry
2. the country's famous rainforests are being bulldozed by the mining industry
3. tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests
4. tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests
5. the mining industry is making inroads into environmentally sensitive areas

#24 Budget Time: Accountants Excited
1. a large-scale revitalization of the education system is underway
2. military spending recently hit a new high
3. a well-funded social safety net protects the unfortunate
4. citizens are enjoying a recent large cut in taxes

#25 Cloning Research Promises New Breakthrough
1. scientists regularly clone human beings for research purposes
2. genetic researchers have been expelled

#26 Compulsory Organ Harvesting Proposed
1. organ donation is compulsory
2. organ donation rates are among the lowest in the region

#27 Cash for Colons?
1. college students make ends meet by selling their kidneys
2. organ donation rates have hit a new low

#28 Cancer Sufferer Demands Euthanasia Bill
1. euthanasia is legal
2. euthanasia is illegal
3. euthanasia is illegal

#29 Minorities Demand Representation in TV Soaps
1. TV shows must meet strict ethnicity quotas
2. the government awards prizes to television shows featuring stereotype-breaking minority roles
3. the alarmingly racist TV show 'Bigtopians Say the Darndest Things' is a hit

#30 Auto Industry Struggles Against Foreign Imports
1. punitive tariffs protect local industry
2. there are no minimum wage laws
3. all tariffs have been abolished

#31 Get Efficient, Private Sector Tells Nature
1. citizens must pay to enjoy @@NAME@@'s pristine beaches
2. citizens must pay to enjoy @@NAME@@'s pristine beaches
3. a government program is underway to revitalize @@NAME@@'s beaches

#32 One Wife Is Never Enough, Say Polygamists
1. polygamy is legal
2. the institution of marriage is held sacred and strictly enforced
3. the institution of marriage is held sacred and strictly enforced
4. there have been reports of people marrying housepets

#33 Genetics Brings New Life to Extinct Species
1. scientists recently cloned the long-extinct feather-bellied @@ANIMAL@@ [leads to #1246]
2. genetic research has been halted
3. genetic research has been halted
4. genetic research is temporarily tied up in government red tape

#34 Don't Puff on Me, Say Non-Smokers
1. smoking is banned in public areas
2. an underground movement of cigarette smokers has sprung up in response to a government ban
3. eight-year-olds can be seen lighting up in public areas

#35 Refugees Want to Call @@NAME@@ Home
1. the nation has opened its arms to an influx of refugees
2. the Navy has outraged the international community by sinking a boatload of refugees to prevent them reaching the shore
3. shanty towns are forming in the suburbs of major cities

#36 International Community Comes Doorknocking
1. the nation has an international reputation for compassion
2. the nation refuses to provide international aid
3. the nation refuses to provide international aid
4. the government extracts trade concessions from poor nations in exchange for humanitarian aid

#37 Traffic Cops Needed on Information Superhighway?
1. the government snoops on private internet connections
2. the country has unplugged its internet connection to prevent subversive content
3. anti-government web sites are springing up

#38 @@NAME@@ Looks to the Stars
1. billions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are being poured into a space program
2. the nation's first space rocket -- sponsored by Eckie-Ecola and shaped like an enormous soda bottle -- is being developed
3. religious classes are compulsory for all school students
4. morality classes are compulsory for all school students

#39 Scandal Rocks @@NAME@@'s Government!
1. newspapers may not print any negative stories about the government
2. government officials are held to the highest standard of morality
3. government officials are held to the highest standard of morality
4. government officials frequently cut taxes as a distraction from antics with their secretaries

#40 Hukd on Fonix Workd 4 Me!
1. funding for education has been redirected into the military
2. the education system has gotten a recent boost in spending
3. the government spends millions of tax @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ on vouchers to pay for expensive private schools
4. the government spends millions of tax @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ on vouchers to pay for expensive private schools
5. students returning from overseas study are questioning the status quo
6. scholars are leaving the country at an alarming rate

#41 Software Giant Stomps on Competition
1. small businesses are gobbled up almost daily by corporate giants
2. the government has begun breaking all large businesses into thousands of mom-and-pop general stores
3. citizens frequently whisper of the Internet as 'the domain of the devil'

#42 Turn Down That Racket, Say Morality Police
1. radio stations are forbidden to play anything with too much drum or bass
2. elevator music has been replaced by thrash metal played at maximum volume
3. angst-filled teenagers are rushing off to buy government bonds for some odd reason

#43 Prisoners Demand Elbow Room
1. gigantic new prisons are springing up all over the nation
2. all prisons have been eliminated
3. citizens are frequently held up at gunpoint by their local pizza delivery boys
4. in Soviet @@NAME@@ the pizza orders you

#44 No Pain, No Gain!
1. torture is commonly used to extract information from suspected criminals [leads to #1150]
2. torture is illegal
3. people regularly disappear off the streets and all evidence of them is destroyed

#45 Baseball League Steps Up to the Plate
1. major cities shut down as their local sports team takes to the field every day [leads to #916]
2. the nation is experiencing a severe shortage of sporting events

#46 Jennifer Government Censorship Row
1. Jennifer Government is banned
2. Jennifer Government is a bestseller

#47 The Great Wall of @@NAME@@?
1. a large concrete wall is being built around the country's borders [leads to #1167]
2. refugees from other nations are flocking to @@NAME@@'s border
3. the controversial show 'Who Wants to be an Immigrant?' has become wildly popular

#48 Give Us Healthcare or Give Us Death!
1. the government is spending millions to provide full health care for all citizens
2. the military has had to quell a recent insurrection by uninsured revolutionaries
3. the government covers the basic health care of its citizens
4. the government is spending millions to provide full health care for all citizens
5. the military has had to quell a recent insurrection by uninsured revolutionaries
6. the government covers the basic health care of its citizens

#49 Diving for @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@
1. the government seizes all major gold finds
2. citizens are regularly found digging for treasure in their gardens
3. the mining industry has taken a hit from tighter environmental regulations

#50 Whips, Chains, and Leather, Oh My!
1. a niche industry catering to S&M enthusiasts has sprung up
2. leather-clad individuals can be seen walking their slaves in public parks
3. midnight raids drag couples from their homes in the name of decency

#51 Streaker in Snooker Game Fiasco
1. naturists are jailed regularly for indecent exposure
2. streakers swamp all public events in order to bare it all

#52 Is It Art or Is It Porn?
1. artists regularly face criminal charges and art-burning parties are common
2. all artwork is carefully screened for offensive material
3. nude art is becoming wildly popular

#53 Orbital Armageddon?
1. billions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are being blown on orbital weapons development
2. space research funding has hit a recent high while several military bases are being closed down
3. the space program has been scrapped in order to focus on more terrestrial pursuits

#54 Time to Put the Older Senators Out to Pasture?
1. strict term limits have been applied to all elected offices
2. elected officials often serve for decades in a single term
3. elections are outlawed and a hairstylist has recently received a government appointment

#55 Bigtopian Protesters Cry for Full Integration
1. government police forces protect public schools from the threat of protest
2. minority children spend hours bussing to schools miles away from home
3. members of majority races are forced out of their homes to make way for Bigtopians

#56 "Give Us Money!" Quoth the Poet
1. people reciting Shakespeare have become a common sight
2. the government has cut its subsidies for all special interest groups
3. poets and writers are regularly rounded up and shot for entertainment

#57 Electronic Plague in @@NAME@@!
1. citizens must have a license to operate a computer
2. much of @@NAME@@'s computer network is controlled by a rampant artificial intelligence
3. much of @@NAME@@'s computer network is controlled by a rampant artificial intelligence
4. the recent ban on computers is causing havoc throughout the nation

#58 Violent Violetists Demand Blood!
1. homeless people are periodically found dead upon altars to assorted deities
2. "The Daily Sacrifice" is a routine segment of morning news shows
3. a crusade against barbaric religious practices has begun
4. the government pours millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ into rehabilitation programs annually

#59 Drunk Driving on the Rise
1. drunk drivers are sent to rehabilitation paid for by the government
2. drunk drivers are sentenced to death
3. all alcohol is banned

#60 Supreme Court Nomination
1. the judicial branch is strongly influenced by major corporations
2. the judicial branch is strongly influenced by the Communist Party
3. the judicial system legislates morality
4. the judicial system legislates morality
5. the Supreme Court vehemently protects civil rights and the right to privacy
6. @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ have more rights than the average citizen
7. the government has become increasingly militant
8. the people elect the Supreme Court justices directly

#61 Should the Government Grant Estates and Titles of Nobility?
1. society and government have been organized according to a feudal hierarchy
2. citizens are allowed to rise or fall based on their own merits
3. notable individuals are granted land and titles
4. @@NAME@@'s Medieval Faire is renowned as one of the best in the region

#62 Oh, the Angst!
1. citizens are encouraged to report friends, family members or co-workers who seem depressed to the government for "counselling"
2. psychological disorders are a taboo subject
3. schools have extensive counseling programs for troubled students

#63 Tykes With Tools?
1. child labor has been outlawed
2. children as young as eight can be found working in factories
3. adult unemployment is rising as available jobs are filled by young children

#64 Put the "Board" Back in Board of Education
1. teachers regularly paddle unruly students
2. teachers are routinely tested to keep their jobs
3. the nation is currently revamping its entire education system
4. teachers label difficult children as "somebody else's problem" before expelling them [used to be "all children are supposed to be schooled by their parents"]

#65 Should Martial Law Be Declared?
1. rioting and unrest sweep the nation
2. martial law has been declared and the populace is kept under tight control
3. ad hoc militias patrol the streets in an effort to control rampant crime

#66 Transgender Recognition Demanded [used to be "Transsexual Demands Recognition In Chosen Gender"]
1. sex changes are routinely performed at @@NAME@@'s hospitals
2. people talk about things being better when men were men
3. women wearing male lounge-wear are quizzed for hours by mental health practitioners

#67 Most Likely to Secede
1. territories have the right to secede if they aren't happy
2. the government violently suppresses separatist movements
3. citizens are remarkably well involved in the political process

#68 Ornery Overcrowding Problem
1. the government regularly hires contractors to construct high rise apartments
2. factories are regularly demolished to make way for low-cost housing areas
3. the number of children one can have is restricted by law

#69 Power Problems Need Bright Solution
1. prime real estate is devoted to wind farms and solar energy generators
2. vile black smog from coal power plants has enveloped several major urban centres
3. protesters are up in arms over new nuclear power stations

#70 Purge the Infidels!
1. citizens who fail to follow the official national religion are executed
2. citizens who fail to follow the official national religion are executed
3. the government is avowedly secular
4. religious people are committed to mental institutions for treatment [leads to #1274]
5. atheists are heavily taxed

#71 Minority Group Demands Language Recognition
1. a National Academy regulates grammar and usage
2. children are raised bilingual from an early age
3. the government is attempting to impose a new national language on the public

#72 Widening Buttocks Cause Movie Theater Havoc
1. citizens rise at daybreak every day for mandatory exercise
2. college students sell their most valuable possessions just to afford pizza
3. college students sell their most valuable possessions just to afford pizza
4. city sidewalks are crowded with overweight people
5. the state subsidizes liposuction

#73 @@NAME@@ - Without Cars, Going Nowhere Fast
1. the ban on cars has been repealed
2. the ban on cars has been repealed
3. the government is spending millions on alternative clean-burning fuels
4. anti-environmentalist dissidents must beware of government plants in their midst [used to be "anti-environmentalist protesters are gunned down without mercy"]

#74 @@NAME@@'s Racers Growing Fast and Furious
1. the @@NAME@@ Automotive Racing Series draws millions of spectators annually while those near the tracks complain about the noise
2. police spend their Saturday nights breaking up illegal street races

#75 Cutting Off Sex Offenders?
1. sex offenders find themselves cut off from the ability to repeat their crimes
2. re-education centers are being added to most prisons
3. criminal rehabilitation takes place in re-education centers
4. convicted felons are forced into slavery for their crimes
5. convicted felons are forced into slavery for their crimes

#76 Suits in Protest
1. Pinkerton agents are called in to forcibly break up white collar strikes
2. CEOs and corporate executives are frequently found striking for better stock options
3. protests are prohibited from blocking traffic
4. local executives are seen on the corner with cardboard signs reading "will oppress the masses for food"

#77 Easter Egg: World to End, or Possibly Just Mark Anniversary
1. tens of thousands of revelers have been arrested for trying to celebrate the recent world anniversary (@@EGG@@)
2. over-inflated fears of a "Y1" bug have turned humble IT workers into millionaires (@@EGG@@)
3. the nation is cleaning up after a national night of celebration left most people with headaches and dim memories (@@EGG@@)
4. residents firmly believe there is no spoon (@@EGG@@)
5. citizens are bleary-eyed after staying up all night with a good book (@@EGG@@)

#78 Easter Egg: Should We Pull the Lever?
1. thousands of cute furry kittens are trampling everything in their path (@@EGG@@)
2. a doomsday device lies untouched in a public park (@@EGG@@)
3. there is now a private sector based on doomsday devices (@@EGG@@)

#79 @@NAME@@'s @@ANIMALPLURAL@@: Going the Way of the Dodo?
1. the @@ANIMAL@@ is protected from hunting and slowly coming back from the brink of extinction
2. woodcutter axes are cited as the most common cause of death amongst @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ [used to be "the @@ANIMAL@@ is reportedly extinct"]
3. the only places to see @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ now are at local zoos

#80 Easter Egg: Aliens Wish Peace/Trade Agreement
1. pizzerias often get delivery orders for Saturn and alien first-born are considered a delicacy (@@EGG@@)
2. alien kidnappings of both cattle and humans are headline news on the most respected papers (@@EGG@@)

#81 Close Encounters of the Sci-Fi Kind?
1. UFO sightings are listed daily in the morning news
2. birds and children's kites are regularly brought down by anti-aircraft fire
3. X-Files ratings have hit an all-time low

#82 AI Researchers Rally for Android Rights
1. only 'organics' are permitted to be citizens
2. major internet servers have acquired citizenship
3. computers have been banned [used to be "research into artificial intelligence has been banned"]

#83 High-Speed Monorail Service Promises Connections
1. government spending has hit an all-time low
2. only the wealthy can afford monorail fares
3. a vast monorail network carries people all over the country
4. a vast monorail network carries people all over the country

#84 Compulsory Gun Ownership?
1. gun ownership is compulsory
2. citizens are permitted to carry concealed handguns
3. all guns must be registered

#85 Illegal File-Sharing Flares
1. a cyber-war between file sharers and the music industry formats hard drives across the country
2. copyright laws have been abolished
3. recorded music can be rented but not bought from record companies [used to be "CDs are regularly copy-protected"]

#86 Save the @@ANIMAL@@
1. in pet stores nationwide @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ are growing in popularity [used to be "@@ANIMALPLURAL@@ are becoming popular in pet stores nationwide"]
2. many believe that the only good @@ANIMAL@@ is a dead @@ANIMAL@@ [used to be "the @@ANIMAL@@ is believed to be extinct"]

#87 Burn! Burn Everything!
1. crowds of flag-burning protesters tend to accidentally become crowds of burning protesters
2. firebombing politicians' offices has become a common way of expressing dissatisfaction [used to be "the capital of @@NAME@@ has burned to the ground and caused riots throughout the country"]
3. people caught mistreating @@NAME@@'s flag generally wind up in a great deal of pain

#88 Cannibals Demand to Taste What @@NAME@@ Has to Offer
1. murder rates are on the rise as the popularity of soylent products grows [leads to #1352]
2. soylent products are an expensive commodity due to a lack of volunteers
3. there has been a series of riots between local cannibals and health food advocates

#89 "Don't Dam Our Rivers, Damnit!" Say Protesters
1. flash floods that dams could have controlled regularly ravage small towns in mountain valleys
2. scenic mountain valleys are flooded with water as damming projects get underway

#90 Organic Outburst
1. all-natural foods are becoming a major fad
2. a survey of the nation's rivers and children has shown that pesticide levels are at an all-time regional high
3. people are moving into treehouses in record numbers

#91 Sacramental Tax Time?
1. religious organizations are being forced to leave the country or pay income taxes like everybody else
2. religious organizations are being forced to leave the country or pay income taxes like everybody else
3. televangelists flaunt their expensive cars when they attend charity events [leads to #695]
4. membership in @@FAITH@@ is mandatory and all other faith organisations are banned [used to be "membership in the state-owned Church of @@NAME@@ is mandatory and all other faith organisations are banned"]

#92 @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Officials Needled About Mandatory Vaccinations
1. people faint regularly as they get stuck with compulsory vaccinations
2. the state pays for care of easily preventable illnesses
3. only vaccinated citizens may have free healthcare

#93 Affirmative Action in @@NAME@@?
1. ethnic minorities are often refused admission to some of the nation's best schools
2. colleges adhere to rigid ethnic quotas for admissions
3. @@NAME@@'s free colleges struggle to maintain standards in the face of overwhelming demand [used to be "@@NAME@@'s educational system is the envy of many and regarded as a pinnacle of academic achievement"]

#94 Computer Users Fed Up With Heaps of Spam!
1. the government spends millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ every year prosecuting spammers
2. computer users are buried daily in thousands of unsolicited emails
3. computer users are buried daily in thousands of unsolicited emails
4. the government is making attempts at curtailing the flood of spam emails with little progress

#95 Painful Prices Paid at the Pump
1. pristine wilderness has been trashed in the quest for cheaper oil
2. the government is spending millions on renovating the public transportation system

#96 Water Supply Problems Becoming a Major Drain
1. major cities are suffering under water rationing
2. major cities are suffering under water rationing
3. suburban families are finding themselves increasingly short on food as they waste precious water on their lawns
4. riots have broken out as a water shortage threatens @@NAME@@'s stability
5. crooks and people with too many kids are being kicked out of the country

#97 Landfills Filling Up
1. space shuttles regularly launch rubbish into space
2. cities are engulfed by smog
3. many of the country's largest dumps can be seen from space
4. waste is frequently shipped to other countries

#98 Police Want More Than Shiny Badge
1. police officers compete for the highest commissions from fines [used to be "police officers are seen patrolling the streets armed with satellite-guided truncheons"]
2. citizens are regularly shot for parking on the double-yellow line
3. the streets are plagued with knife-wielding madmen
4. citizens are expected to be armed at all times

#99 We Need Cash, Sharpish, Say Librarians
1. libraries are now installed with jacuzzis and mini-bars
2. books are considered luxuries only available to the incredibly wealthy
3. all writing must pass a censorship board before being allowed on the shelves
4. libraries are bulldozed to make way for internet cafés

#100 Road Rage Rampage
1. traffic jams are a common sight due to construction work from a massive overhaul of the nation's freeways
2. the government has started a campaign to crack down on road rage and encourage alternate means of commuting
3. it's a common sight to see angry commuters with grenade launchers mounted on their vehicles

#101 Tiara Sign of Oppression, Declare Feminists
1. all beauty contests have been banned
2. women who display their ankles are shunned by society
3. women who display their ankles are shunned by society
4. Max Barry is this year's Miss @@NAME@@
5. vanity is considered the fifth cardinal virtue

#102 For Whom the Road Tolls
1. motorists must pay to enter inner-cities during peak hours
2. new urban roads are threatening city parks
3. cars have been banned [used to be "cars are banned from built-up areas"]

#103 Plague of the Hybrids!
1. wildlife near farms is slowly becoming extinct
2. bizarre-looking creatures called '@@ANIMAL@@dogs' dominate wildlife preserves
3. @@ANIMAL@@ populations thrive as dogs are slaughtered in the millions

#104 Public Loudspeakers Shrill With Controversy
1. public loudspeakers constantly tell citizens they are "happy people"
2. citizens are bombarded with advertising from their compulsory miniature radios
3. ad-blocking has been nationalised [used to be "all forms of advertising are banned"]

#105 Compensation Culture Must End, Say Corporations
1. corporations cut costs by taking away safety-features on their products
2. every product goes through extensive safety-testing by the government
3. manufacturers are sued for almost anything not covered in their catalogue-sized manuals

#106 Give the Red Light District the Green Light?
1. sales of fishnet stockings have reached a record high
2. an enormous health awareness programme is underway
3. government-run brothels can be found on every street corner

#107 Private Lab Holds @@NAME@@'s Sick to Ransom
1. only the rich can afford the latest medical innovations
2. private pharmacies close down as medicinal drugs are given away freely by the government
3. the religious lobby has the power of veto over health initiatives

#108 Gambling Interests Offer High Stakes
1. rumor has it that the government was paid off by the mob to allow casinos to reopen
2. the mob and the police have recently had numerous clashes in the back alleys of @@NAME@@'s cities due to the government's steadfast anti-casino stance
3. gambling addicts regularly lose their families' nest eggs at Native @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ casinos

#109 Karate Kids Cause Controversy
1. the government helps teach children how to kill a man from six paces [leads to #1152]
2. the army's shirt ninja are the most feared assassins in the region [leads to #1152]
3. the use of martial arts is banned
4. the state believes that nature-oriented summer camps will somehow solve youth crime

#110 Too Low on Laws, Say Citizens
1. the army is returning some law and order to the streets
2. the land is famous throughout the region for its rampant lawlessness
3. 'Anarchy in @@NAME@@!' is a popular TV program in foreign countries

#111 Southern @@NAME@@ Demands Semi-Autonomy
1. councils up and down the country wrangle over legal matters
2. politicians are losing their jobs in a plan to make the government 'leaner and fitter'
3. protesters against the government are hanged as a warning to others

#112 Put the Phone Down on Cold Calling?
1. a ban on unsolicited cold calling in all forms is in effect
2. door-to-door salesmen are frequently beaten up by 'vigilantes'

#113 Test Results Deemed 'Ungood' After Global Survey
1. the government funds private schools for intellectually gifted children
2. children have only the most basic of education
3. the education system is famed for its taxing exams

#114 Wipe Out Graffiti?
1. graffiti artists spend lengthy periods of time in jail
2. Renaissance frescos are being chiselled off public walls
3. graffiti graces every city's streets

#115 @@NAME@@'s Schoolchildren Not Learning the Lingua Franca
1. citizens are expected to be proficient in at least five languages
2. foreigners are treated with great suspicion

#116 Soda Sales Hits New 'High'
1. 'Mountain Doobie' is widely regarded as the nation's favourite drink
2. drug distribution is tightly controlled by the government
3. reports of attacks by bright purple sixty-foot high spiders have recently shot up

#117 Stop the Suits, Say Surgeons
1. appendix transplant figures have recently doubled
2. medical lawsuits are out of control
3. the insurance industry is outlawed
4. the study of medicine is popular throughout @@NAME@@

#118 Need for Speed?
1. the roads are notorious throughout the region for their peril
2. the average commuter spends four hours a day driving to and from work
3. motorists' locations are constantly tracked by intelligence and law enforcement agencies

#119 Watershed Down?
1. programmes of questionable content are shown at peak-hours
2. Rupert Bear is considered to be the most risqué TV programme in @@NAME@@

#120 Two Parties for Too Long?
1. ten-year-olds regularly found their own political parties
2. the @@NAME@@ Mental Asylum Party have recently won seats in parliament
3. citizens are known to cast their votes by flipping @@A@@ @@CURRENCY@@
4. an enfeebled opposition party spends most of its time simply trying to stay on the ballot

#121 A Uniform Plan for @@NAME@@'s Students?
1. school uniforms are compulsory
2. students are known to arrive at school in their pyjamas

#122 Pensioners in Protest
1. retirement homes are often fitted with luxurious suites
2. senior citizens can usually be found doing heavy manual labour

#123 Now, Vat's Food for Thought
1. human tissue is grown in vats as a delicacy as well as for transplants
2. replacement organs are grown in vats
3. traditional vegetarians are fuming over the introduction of vat-grown meat to the menu
4. cloning has been banned
5. cloning has been banned
6. citizens are grown in vats

#124 To Paint or Not to Paint?
1. the studies of art and philosophy are banned
2. artists are pillars of society
3. only the brainiest citizens become academics

#125 Bring Back the Ballot?
1. @@NAME@@'s first free elections in recent memory have been successfully concluded
2. suppression of pro-democracy protests is a daily occurrence

#126 Outsourcing an Outrage, Say Demonstrators
1. corporations are forbidden from employing outside the nation
2. unemployment rates have skyrocketed as businesses abandon the country in search of cheap labour
3. corporations are either above the law or corrupting it

#127 Aging Concerns in @@NAME@@
1. retiring citizens are dragged away in the middle of the night by mysterious men in black suits
2. elderly citizens regularly buy posh multimillion-@@CURRENCY@@ mansions
3. politicians cheer the nation's surging death rate
4. senior citizens are often found slaving away in factories
5. immigrant Bigtopians work themselves to the bone to support gold-plated @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ pensions

#128 Ban the Burka?
1. students and teachers are regularly stopped and searched for symbols of religious affiliation before class
2. there have been sightings of people walking around dressed in nothing but leopard-skin g-strings for 'religious reasons'
3. government officials raid public buildings to remove all mention of G*d or r******n

#129 Tribal Troubles
1. large sections of @@NAME@@ have been named national reserves to protect the native tribes living there
2. the tribal zone has been opened to up to 'economic interest' groups
3. the tribal zone has been opened to up to 'economic interest' groups
4. native tribes have been driven to extinction by hunting
5. a primitive society is being eroded as its youth flock to the modern world

#130 Filibuster Bust-Up
1. the government is a clear-cut case of tyranny by majority
2. legislation sometimes has to battle through weeks of filibustering to pass [leads to #1507]
3. the government is forced to pander to the will of every fruitcake politician
4. democratic debates have been removed from the government

#131 Raise Duel Standards, Say Fencers
1. murderers frequently escape punishment by claiming they were protecting their honour
2. arbitration is mightier than the sword [used to be "long arduous trials are held for the most trivial of offences"]

#132 World Assembly Woes
1. the nation's WA representatives have received a very public sacking after @@NAME@@ allowed its WA membership to lapse [resigns from the World Assembly]
2. dozens of additional foreign policy specialists have been sent to the country's WA Mission

#133 When @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ Attack!
1. misbehaving @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ deemed dangerous to the public are shot and hanged by the town hall as a warning to others
2. the government funds large training centres to turn @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ into functioning members of society
3. expensive lawyers are hired to defend citizens in court for public urination charges against their pets
4. @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ are frequently shot for looking at people 'in a funny way'

#134 The Truth Is Out There?
1. the military has grudgingly released all top secret information in an effort for greater transparency
2. strange lights seen in the sky are officially regarded as weather balloons or hoaxes and nothing else
3. the government blames all suspicious phenomena on flying saucers
4. reporters sent to cover suspected UFO visits come back with stories about quilting bees
5. those who investigate UFOs tend to wake up delirious on abandoned roads

#135 A Taxing Dilemma
1. government officials have to mortgage their homes to make ends meet
2. the sound of wooden legs echo throughout @@NAME@@ after the recent introduction of the Foot Tax

#136 Much Ado About Abortion
1. abortions are routinely performed in @@NAME@@'s hospitals [leads to #1337]
2. abortion is only legal in unusual circumstances [leads to #1336]
3. abortions are carried out secretly in shady backstreet clinics [leads to #1336]
4. abortions are carried out secretly in shady backstreet clinics [leads to #1336]
5. families are only permitted to have one child

#137 Arms Industry Demands Respect
1. the arms industry is backed by government subsidies and harsh anti-protest laws are in place
2. the arms industry has been shut down in a surge of pacifism
3. the arms industry is strictly regulated

#138 Keep the Greenbelt Green, Say Protesters
1. private businesses are paving paradises to put up parking lots
2. the government is paving paradises to put up parking lots
3. environmental protestors are being rounded up and taken away in sinister black vans as a massive land development campaign gets underway
4. environmental protestors are being rounded up and taken away in sinister black vans as a massive land development campaign gets underway
5. there's a shortage of swinging hot spots as land development grinds to a halt

#139 Drug Debate Hits the Streets
1. shops were recently ransacked as cigarettes returned to the shelves
2. the police have reaffirmed their tough stance on drugs
3. zombie-like crowds of hard drug users stumble through the streets

#140 A Grave Problem
1. tombstones are ten feet high to accommodate the names of inhabitants
2. cremation is compulsory for the deceased
3. houses and businesses are bulldozed to make way for ever-expanding cemeteries
4. the dead are minced up and sold to people in burger form

#141 Police Too Pushy?
1. a weakened police force struggles to maintain law and order
2. citizens are regularly arrested in queues for 'loitering'

#142 Roads Like Roller Coasters, Complain Motorists
1. roads are often attended by round-the-clock construction crews
2. the roads are virtually falling apart
3. all streets are privately owned toll roads
4. local government operates tolls on every village road

#143 An Archaeological Altercation
1. prime commercial land is being swamped with archaeological teams
2. major archaeological findings are frequently bulldozed to make way for new buildings
3. archaeological discoveries are often followed by mysterious hamster abductions

#144 Democracy Going to the Dogs?
1. only fully-fledged members of MENSA are allowed to vote
2. only fully-fledged members of MENSA are allowed to vote
3. citizens recently voted in favour of declaring bubblewrap an 'abomination of nature' [leads to #1354]

#145 Hackles Raised Over Fur Clothes Debate
1. the wearing and manufacture of fur apparel is banned
2. fur coats have become the latest fashion trend

#146 Evolution: Truth or Witchcraft?
1. it is mandatory to learn evolution in schools
2. the teaching of evolution has been banned
3. biology and religious education classes have recently been merged
4. children are sent to either religious or secular schools

#147 Military Budgets Up for Approval
1. army rations are served on silver platters
2. the nation's massive battleships are often mistaken for islands
3. the nation's gigantic air force is both respected and feared
4. most of the military's funding goes into researching space-age weaponry
5. military service is compulsory
6. the military frequently holds bake sales to raise funds

#148 Spare the Rod, Demand Welfare Activists
1. parents live in fear of governmental 'child protection' squads
2. record sales of 'child-whacking sticks' have been reported

#149 With Liberty, Freedom, and Guns for All?
1. @@NAME@@ is renowned for its lax gun laws
2. citizens are frequently searched for illegal weapons

#150 Bug 'Em All, Say Police
1. phone taps are frequently carried out by the police
2. it is illegal for police officers to carry out searches due to strict privacy laws

#151 Build Bigger Bombs, Advise Scientists
1. citizens live in superstitious fear of the mysterious glowing clouds that float over @@NAME@@
2. the nation has recently been attributed to the funding of terrorist organisations
3. the nation has recently been attributed to the funding of terrorist organisations
4. all weapon research has been banned

#152 A Capital Idea
1. the government has returned all business to private ownership
2. the words 'private' and 'enterprise' must never appear in the same sentence
3. the government has legalised small-scale capitalism

#153 Protesters Have Gone Too Far, Claim Police
1. protests are illegal
2. recent protests against birds flying too low have resulted in bloodshed
3. protests are legal but strictly supervised

#154 Ban the 'Boards, Say Pedestrians
1. skateboarding is punishable by heavy fines
2. skateparks can be found in every city
3. skateboarding is the only legal way to travel

#155 Curfew Meets Minor Opposition
1. teenagers are severely punished for being out too late
2. teenagers across the country are celebrating the defeat of a national curfew bill

#156 Waste Going to Waste, Says Industry Lobby
1. @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ with strange deformities like three eyes and tentacles have been seen prancing through the countryside where industrial waste is dumped
2. the nation's drinking water tends to glow green at night
3. heavy industry must go to expensive lengths to dispose of waste

#157 Sergeants Are Too Nasty, Say New Recruits
1. military barracks resemble five-star hotels
2. the nation's infamous boot camp is more brutal than most battlefields
3. soldiers are slaughtered in their thousands due to lack of training
4. newborns are being raised as mindless killing machines

#158 Regarding Robbers' Rights
1. nervous homeowners have been blamed for rising death rates amongst carol singers and locksmiths
2. burglary is widely regarded as the national sport
3. trespassers often find themselves impaled by crossbow bolts

#159 Think Tank Proposes Privatised Prisons
1. hundreds of thousands of convicts work as slaves in @@NAME@@'s many privately-owned prisons
2. convicted murderers are free to walk the streets provided they attend rehabilitation classes
3. criminals are executed and their property seized

#160 Truancy on the Rise
1. high school principals regularly send armed truancy patrols to drag problem students to school
2. children deemed 'disorderly' or otherwise unfit for public schools are shipped off to military academies
3. students in @@NAME@@'s schools rarely attend their classes

#161 Where There's a Will There's a Tax
1. the government seizes the property of the recently deceased [leads to #700]
2. inheritance tax has recently been abolished
3. the government is notorious for leaving citizens with almost nothing from their inheritance

#162 Animal Experimentation Laws Under Scrutiny
1. dog breeding has been banned in accordance with recent animal experimentation laws
2. several citizens have complained about scientists abducting their pets for experimentation

#163 Referenda: Are They Right for @@NAME@@?
1. a referendum must be held in order for any new law to be passed
2. referenda are banned by law and the Parliament has absolute control of the legislative process
3. referenda can be called for any law at the request of at least one third of the voting population

#164 Licence to Breed?
1. citizens wishing to be parents must undertake a series of gruelling tests to evaluate their capabilities
2. almost half of the child population live rough on the streets
3. welfare funding has recently gone through the roof

#165 Wedlock Worries
1. many parents are becoming frustrated with their children's choices in spouses
2. children are regularly married to each other to secure alliances between families [used to be "children are regularly married to each other to secure business deals between families"]
3. all marriages are arranged by the government

#166 Vote for 'None of the Above'?
1. elections have become procedural nightmares due to voters persistently rejecting candidates
2. voters must frequently select what they view as the lesser of two evils on the ballot

#167 Fluoride Controversy a Toothy Problem
1. the people are famous throughout the region for their perfect yellow teeth
2. the public health bureaucracy is wrapped in miles of red tape
3. the public health bureaucracy is wrapped in miles of red tape
4. most of the nation's wealthy aristocrats are dentists

#168 @@NAME@@ Plagued by STD Epidemic!
1. the government has undertaken a massive health education program to combat VODAIS
2. people have to sneak out of the country in order to have sex
3. otherwise healthy people are being sent to internment camps because they have VODAIS

#169 @@ANIMAL@@ Hunting Laws Under Dispute
1. the upper class have been throwing riots after hunting was recently banned
2. the nation is famous for having one of the world's largest @@ANIMAL@@ hunting institutions
3. main battle tanks stalk the woods of @@NAME@@ in search of @@ANIMALPLURAL@@
4. hunters have been known to lose limbs while attempting to 'play tag' with their prey

#170 Deserts Devouring @@NAME@@'s Countryside
1. mysterious black helicopters menace farmers to ensure compliance with straitjacketing agricultural policies
2. owning a tractor is widely regarded as an essential prerequisite to most government positions
3. @@NAME@@ has become a gigantic dustbowl filled with tourists and mean desperados

#171 Kids and Criminality: Whose Responsibility?
1. eight-year-olds with lemonade stands have been known to be locked up on charges of embezzlement
2. the nation's youth is held blameless for all crimes
3. parents are held criminally responsible for their children's crimes

#172 Church Attendances Reaching New Low, Warn Priests
1. atheists refusing to attend church are heavily fined by the government
2. the government is spending billions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ on helping citizens find spiritual enlightenment
3. the people of @@NAME@@ are renowned for their nihilistic attitudes

#173 Women Demand Equal Opportunities
1. business is adjusting to new gender equality policies in the workplace
2. women earn less than half the salary of men if they can even find a job
3. mostly women are seen and not heard
4. men are expected to stay home to fix funny noises in the attic

#174 Maternity Leave a Must, Say Mothers
1. the nanny industry has had a boom after maternity leave was recently banned
2. all mothers are allowed six months fully-paid maternity leave
3. untold millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are going into a new government-funded maternity leave scheme
4. untold millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are going into a new government-funded maternity leave scheme

#175 Is @@NAME@@ Too Promiscuous?
1. adultery has been made a capital offence
2. those found guilty of illicit affairs are jailed
3. people talk about their libido as if it were an STD
4. @@NAME@@ is notorious for its citizens' infidelity

#176 History a Mystery to Most of @@NAME@@
1. historical fiction has been banned
2. it is widely believed that the first citizen of @@NAME@@ was called 'Wild-eyed Daddy-O'
3. history classes are mandatory for students

#177 Power to the People?
1. elections have recently been reintroduced to @@NAME@@
2. the government is cracking down on subversive groups
3. the public are free to vote for whomever the government wants in office

#178 Free Press Too Free?
1. reporters often lose their jobs over fact-checking errors
2. truth is often impossible to tell from fiction on the evening news
3. all news sources are under strict government control

#179 Mad @@ANIMAL@@ Disease Outbreak!
1. the government has organised a nationwide cull of infected @@ANIMALPLURAL@@
2. millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ have been thrown into a project to find the cure for Mad @@ANIMAL@@ Disease
3. millions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ have been thrown into a project to find the cure for Mad @@ANIMAL@@ Disease
4. farmers can be spotted driving gold-plated tractors
5. people all over @@NAME@@ are dying of 'Mad @@ANIMAL@@ Disease'

#180 Mobile Maladies
1. sheepish teenagers are making eye contact with their parents for the first time in a decade during state-enforced 'no-phones hour' [used to be "it is illegal to own a mobile phone"]
2. crowded passenger trains are near-silent save for the soft tap of fingers on touchscreens [used to be "mobile phone masts are being erected all over the country"]
3. crowded passenger trains are near-silent save for the soft tap of fingers on touchscreens [used to be "mobile phone masts are being erected all over the country"]
4. children have taken to using semaphore in light of the recent mobile phone ban

#181 Radio Rebels Ruffle Government
1. 'The Anti-Government Hour' is a popular programme on many of @@NAME@@'s radio stations
2. a spate of enforced closures has left 'Government FM' as the nation's only radio station
3. @@NAME@@'s airwaves are dominated by corporate-backed commercial radio
4. every citizen is allowed exactly fifteen minutes of fame

#182 Younger Voters a Cure for Apathy?
1. Coco the Clown has been elected to the nation's parliament
2. only a minority of the population can actually vote at elections
3. the nation's leader appoints ministers directly

#183 Buy a Better Baby?
1. wealthy parents-to-be can select their perfect baby
2. wealthy parents-to-be can select their perfect baby
3. research into 'designer babies' is banned
4. research into 'designer babies' is banned
5. government-run screening operations remove embryos with severe genetic disorders
6. @@NAME@@'s army is full of two-metre tall super-soldiers [leads to #1285]

#184 Compulsory Military Service Under Attack
1. the military struggles with recruitment
2. children as young as twelve are conscripted into the armed forces

#185 "Bring Back Our Booze!" Cry Revellers
1. @@NAME@@'s fine wines are renowned throughout the region
2. the police are tightening their grip on alcohol smugglers
3. GP clinics are inundated by patients requesting prescriptions for alcohol

#186 Carjacking Concerns
1. armed police units patrol the roads late at night
2. citizens drive tank-like vehicles with mounted machine guns
3. citizens drive tank-like vehicles with mounted machine guns
4. urban citizens are forced onto public transport while rural citizens ride horses and buggies

#187 Underclass Drowning in Debt [used to be "@@NAME@@'s Underclass Drowning In Debt"]
1. lending firms are subject to strict government regulations
2. the government is pouring funds into the nation's welfare system
3. university graduates and new home-owners toil in labour camps to work off their debts

#188 Video Games Too Violent, Say Parents
1. Tetris has been banned for its graphic violent content
2. the children of @@NAME@@ are often remarked upon for their cheery attitude to extreme violence
3. only adults may purchase violent video games
4. students everywhere have been despairing after the recent ban on video games

#189 Dangerously Cheesy
1. cheese has become the new icon of political dissent
2. popular political cartoonists are thrown in jail for inciting dissent
3. political cartoonists are known for their distinctive odour
4. cheese has been labelled a dangerous weapon and banned

#190 Immigrants Import Homeland Rivalries
1. immigrant Maxtopians are routinely sold on popular internet auction sites
2. Maxtopian slaves are routinely sold as an optional extra for household appliances
3. children are brainwashed at a young age to accept "love and peace!" as a way of life
4. the government's new 'Crime Can Fight Itself' policy appears to be backfiring rather badly
5. a massive campaign is underway to ensure the race of @@NAME@@ remains pure

#191 Blood Banks Running Dry
1. citizens are forced to donate blood once every three months
2. blood donations have been banned because of the risk of eternal unrest
3. the poor are often seen pale and dizzy after selling their blood to make ends meet
4. jails have become colloquially known as 'vampire houses'

#192 Coup d'Etat in @@NAME@@!
1. the national government has been dissolved by revolutionary insurgents
2. the military has quashed a recent coup attempt
3. government workers are regularly taken hostage by protesters
4. kidnapping has become the latest get-rich-quick scheme

#193 Robots Leaving Workers Jobless
1. almost all products in @@NAME@@ are hand-crafted due to strict employment laws
2. businesses often fire workers in favour of cheaper automatic systems
3. manual labourers must be willing to have cybernetic limbs to get a job
4. the loom represents the height of @@NAME@@'s technology

#194 A Request for Military Aid
1. @@NAME@@ has been recently classified as an international menace after 'liberating' several nearby territories
2. @@NAME@@ has been greatly criticised for its isolationist policies
3. the country has been 'going shopping' by annexing nearby nations for their resources
4. Amnesty Interregional has condemned @@NAME@@ for ignoring crimes against humanity

#195 Right of Way or Wrong of Way?
1. public footpaths are being slowly eroded by the burgeoning number of ramblers
2. large areas of @@NAME@@ are not accessible by the public
3. all footpaths have tollbooths

#196 Violent Violetists Protest Artists
1. government-sponsored gallows are being erected by Violetist temples
2. the @@NAME@@ Enquirer offers weekly cash prizes for 'most blasphemous song, story, or cartoon'
3. the government is interviewing for thousands of 'Religious Censor' positions
4. anyone who doesn't attend Official Governmental Religious Services is fined
5. people of faith are sent to twelve-step programs for 'The Cure' [leads to #1274]

#197 Breastfeeding in Public: Innocent or Indecent?
1. female newsreaders distract the nation by breastfeeding during broadcast
2. nursing mothers are often arrested for indecent exposure
3. breastfeeding mothers are replacing smokers to loiter outside the workplace

#198 Not All Those Who Wander Are Paying [used to be "Gypsies in a Field"]
1. travellers are often forcibly evicted by torch-bearing mobs
2. traveller camps regularly block five-lane superhighways
3. the government has instituted 'traveller reservations' across the country
4. homes have been banned from having any more than one wheel

#199 More Jails Needed
1. the new prison system is crowding up at an alarming rate
2. the police have been reduced to using duct tape instead of handcuffs following further cutbacks

#200 Birds, Bees, and Breeding Teens
1. teenagers are told they're not thinking about sex enough [used to be "schoolchildren have twice-weekly sex education classes"]
2. teenagers are told they're not thinking about sex enough [used to be "schoolchildren have twice-weekly sex education classes"]
3. boys are forced to pair off for the school disco slow dance as the girls are all staying at home [used to be "dark alleys and public toilets are filled with furtive sexual activities among teenagers and unmarried adults"]
4. boys are forced to pair off for the school disco slow dance as the girls are all staying at home [used to be "dark alleys and public toilets are filled with furtive sexual activities among teenagers and unmarried adults"]
5. the most common answers to where babies come from are "uh... ask your mother" and "um... ask your father" [used to be "a study has shown that many parents are too embarrassed to teach their children sex education"]
6. soldiers have a preference for fire-and-forget payloads [used to be "teenage fathers are forced to join the army"]
7. young girls often attend the same schools as their children [used to be "the lowest age at which one can marry has been recently lowered to 12"]

#201 Jolly Roger Sighted Off the Port Bow!
1. @@NAME@@'s navy has been named the scourge of the seven thousand seas
2. the government is frequently held to ransom by the increasing demands of bloodthirsty pirates
3. the nation has become a pariah for giving pirates letters of marque
4. piracy is the nation's most popular pastime

#202 Guns or Butter?
1. politicians are often seen with soldiers pointing guns at their heads
2. people can often be seen driving to work in war-surplus tanks [leads to #1655]
3. strategic bombers are being converted into preschools
4. corporate 'hostile takeovers' now involve ICBMs and main battle tanks

#203 Suffer the Starving Children?
1. the government has been kicking out foreign corporations in a bid to grow enough food for the populace
2. @@NAME@@'s market has been colonised by the corporations of rich countries
3. the well-off are enjoying tax cuts while famine kills off the poor and destitute
4. the government is phasing in welfare programmes to tackle poverty

#204 Lack of Doctors Needs Cure
1. more and more students are taking up a career in medicine
2. half of @@NAME@@'s doctors can't speak the language
3. half of @@NAME@@'s doctors can't speak the language
4. healthcare funding has been cut

#205 No More Broccoli, Beg Meat-Eaters
1. abattoirs are running at full capacity in response to skyrocketing demand
2. illegal hunting is rife after veganism was recently made compulsory
3. the consumption of vegetables is illegal

#206 @@NAME@@ Narrowly Misses Nuclear Accident
1. the nation has been declared a nuclear-free zone
2. nuclear reactors are held together with party string and Hubba Bubba
3. neighbouring countries pay to situate their nuclear power plants in @@NAME@@
4. @@NAME@@'s nuclear power is imported from neighbouring countries
5. nine out of ten citizens of @@NAME@@ answered 'nuclear safety inspector' when asked their occupation

#207 Secret Police in @@NAME@@?
1. rumours have it that a secret police is responsible for the recent spate of missing persons [leads to #1150]
2. anti-government political posters adorn every building like wallpaper
3. the police force is rumoured to be made up of evil shadows with no souls

#208 Mine Collapse Rocks @@NAME@@
1. mining safety laws are often more expensive than what's being mined
2. mining is the nation's most dangerous occupation
3. mining is the nation's most dangerous occupation

#209 Students Demand Financial Aid
1. the number of students attending university has reached a record high
2. universities are populated by the spawn of the upper classes
3. it's normal to start working life with crippling financial debt [used to be "loans are available for students from poor families"]
4. closed universities are currently being converted into McRonald's restaurants

#210 Going Postal
1. urban high-volume mailers now receive their mail via chauffeur-driven limousines
2. postmen have been arrested in job lots for selling junk mail as home insulation
3. the government recently relinquished its monopoly on the mail service

#211 Unconventional Weapons Under Fire
1. Red Cross demand for body bags is rising while sutures go unused
2. the commercialisation of highly deadly weapons has instilled @@NAME@@ with a very polite populace
3. the armed forces pride themselves on being conventional and predictable [used to be "all 'unconventional' weaponry has been banned"]

#212 Police Wanting Help With Their Inquiries
1. crime suspects are forced to submit to blood testing
2. crime is on the rise as DNA sampling has been all but outlawed
3. every citizen must submit to DNA testing to be eliminated from police inquiries

#213 Bus Drivers Say No to Double-Decked Deathtraps
1. buses are widely regarded as the safest way to travel
2. the carcasses of double-deckers can be found littering high streets all around the country
3. the public transport system has been eliminated
4. the public transport system has been eliminated
5. @@NAME@@'s heavy congestion charges are the bane of motorists' lives

#214 Voting for More Money
1. Members of Parliament are often found living in cardboard boxes [leads to #1136]
2. politicians live in luxury
3. Members of Parliament operate under a PAYE scheme

#215 Easter Egg: What's Your Favourite Colour?
1. the nation's favourite colour is red (@@EGG@@)
2. the nation's favourite colour is blue (@@EGG@@)
3. the nation's favourite colour is yellow (@@EGG@@)
4. the nation's favourite colour is green (@@EGG@@)
5. the nation's favourite colour is orange (@@EGG@@)
6. the nation's favourite colour is purple (@@EGG@@)
7. the nation's favourite colour is pink (@@EGG@@)
8. the nation's favourite colour is gold (@@EGG@@)
9. the nation's favourite colour is black (@@EGG@@)
10. the nation's favourite colour is white (@@EGG@@)
11. the nation's favourite colour is grey (@@EGG@@)
12. the nation loves all colours indiscriminately (@@EGG@@)

#216 Eminent Domain: Inherent Right or Daylight Robbery?
1. eminent domain has been abolished
2. the government has the power to seize property at will
3. the government seizes private property for the 'good of the people'

#217 Healthcare Services Underfunded, Claim Patients
1. hospitals are run down while the rich pay for private treatment
2. hospitals are amongst the best-funded in the region
3. calisthenics is a well-known tax-dodging technique
4. the latest drugs are only legally available to private patients
5. the NHS has recently been discontinued

#218 Two Mommies One Too Many?
1. an increasing percentage of the population's youth have homosexual parents
2. child adoption by homosexual couples has been outlawed
3. homosexuality is a crime punishable by death

#219 Nobody Expects the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Inquisition!
1. the Holy Office of the Inquisition is the highest court in the land
2. radio shows frequently feature people denouncing religion
3. atheists and evolutionary biologists are fleeing the country like rats from a sinking ship

#220 Voter Apathy Rising but No One Cares
1. citizens may cast their vote over the internet or phone
2. citizens may cast their vote by mail or phone
3. citizens who refuse to vote are guillotined
4. citizens are more concerned about voting for Big Brother contestants than politicians
5. insomnia is slowly turning everyone insane
6. procrastination is a national sport

#221 Outdated Tax Code Crushing @@NAME@@?
1. the government is in utter turmoil following the recent abolishment of the tax code
2. corporate executives continue to enjoy generous tax benefits while the public is taxed to the hilt
3. prices for nearly everything reach all-time highs as business tax breaks are discontinued
4. annual tax returns take at least two years to complete
5. civil servants spend most their time carrying out risk assessments for paper cuts

#222 Terrorists Strike City Centre
1. the armed forces are locked in an expensive and bloody war abroad to stamp out possible terrorists
2. everyone suspects that everyone else is a terrorist [used to be "prisons are crowded with possible terrorist suspects"]
3. customs turn away those considered to have an unfavourable ethnicity
4. the government seeks peaceful forum with terrorists
5. the government regularly crumbles under the pressure of terrorists
6. the streets are ravaged by murder and violence to prove political points

#223 Easter Egg: Zombie Attack!
1. the nation has a strict 'no marauding undead' law (@@EGG@@)
2. volunteers are signing up to take arms against an incursion of flesh-eating zombies (@@EGG@@)
3. international organisations everywhere are united in their condemnation of the nation's zombified military (@@EGG@@)
4. the flesh-eating lost souls that wander at night serve as a major tourist attraction (@@EGG@@)
5. the undead are an officially recognised ethnic minority (@@EGG@@)
6. the undead roam the streets and countryside at night (@@EGG@@)

#224 Minimum Wage War
1. the government has implemented minimum wage laws
2. unemployment is through the roof after the government enacted living wage laws
3. boot polish is the favourite lip gloss of entry-level corporate workers
4. the workforce is almost entirely made up of slave labour

#225 Prayer in Public Schools?
1. students who refuse to pray are expelled from school
2. children of nonreligious parents are often barred from school festival events
3. religious education is a new government priority
4. religion is strictly forbidden within school grounds

#226 Expats Plea for Help in War-Torn Country
1. the nation has welcomed its expats back with open arms
2. the nation has welcomed its expats back with open arms
3. citizens who leave the country are officially classed as traitors
4. the world outside is only known of in folklore

#227 Underage Drinkers: Social Menace or Misunderstood?
1. underage drinkers are dragged through the streets and put in the stocks
2. the government jails the parents of underage drinkers
3. the parents of underage drinkers are lectured on the evils of hard liquor
4. a chain of pubs that cater solely to children has recently been unveiled
5. the government is pursuing a new programme aimed at promoting cultural sophistication
6. eight out of ten children believe hard lemonade gives you cirrhosis of the liver
7. ravers are having trouble getting used to blackcurrant squash instead of vodka

#228 Mice in the Walls
1. nerds everywhere are rejoicing as they are reunited with their computers
2. only government officials may operate computers
3. computers are allowed but only just
4. it is firmly believed that cameras steal souls

#229 Government Saturated in Corruption
1. politicians accepting drinks in bars are executed for taking bribes
2. the government has enacted freedom of information
3. the government is a law unto itself

#230 Extremists on the Ballot Sheet
1. the government has outlawed extremist parties
2. most governmental positions are filled by zealous nationalists
3. the government has repealed elections for fear of 'mob rule'

#231 Jungle Fever
1. the government is financing an extremely costly war against malaria
2. rice shortages have risen after paddy fields were drained to combat malaria
3. swamplands and bogs have been put under quarantine
4. DDT is used widely to repel disease-carrying insects

#232 Suffragette City
1. the government has cautiously opted to support women's suffrage
2. new laws have paved the way for female politicians
3. opening doors for ladies is never seen as misogynistic [used to be "the government has become a fully-fledged gynaecocracy"]
4. women are often jailed for failing to fetch their husbands' slippers [leads to #1089]
5. women are often jailed for failing to fetch their husbands' slippers [leads to #1089]

#233 I Spy a Diplomatic Crisis
1. foreign nationals are widely distrusted
2. shaken martini sales have soared in nations surrounding @@NAME@@
3. diplomats in @@NAME@@ are furious at constant police surveillance
4. spies caught in @@NAME@@ are never heard from again
5. citizens have reported seeing strange rays of light emanating from the moon
6. the military has had its funding stripped back as the nation seeks a smaller role in international politics [leads to #1655]

#234 Corruption in the Lobby
1. corporate lobbying has been outlawed
2. Tesco was recently named as the new national treasurer
3. petitions to the government are being used to insulate politicians' office walls

#235 From Green Pastures to Grey Wastelands
1. high food prices have reduced the national diet to staple foods and water
2. the Great @@NAME@@ Desert is reputedly the most uninhabitable place in the region
3. supermarkets and large corporate farms are a thing of the past
4. agricultural science is the most competitive subject at universities

#236 Quickie Marriages Under Scrutiny
1. the breathalyser pledge is a traditional part of marriages in @@NAME@@
2. 'A is for Annulment' is a popular children's song
3. spousal homicide rates have tripled in recent months

#237 Tourists on Death Row
1. international tensions are high as @@NAME@@ threatens any government with the audacity to arrest its citizens
2. the government has little issue with allowing its citizens to languish in foreign jails [used to be "the people are furious with the government for allowing citizens to be executed for petty crimes in foreign countries"]
3. drug-related crimes carry the death penalty
4. @@NAME@@'s soft-touch approach to diplomacy has made it known as the 'push-over' of the region
5. the government is well known for declaring war on other countries for suspected slights

#238 We Need a Few Good Men Who Like Men?
1. the colors pink and purple are banned from military unit insignia
2. recruitment posters proclaim the army to be both fabulous and fashionable
3. half-naked men feature prominently in official military materials
4. military geniuses responsible for brilliant campaigns are drummed out because they have close same-sex friends and an interest in interior design
5. the nation is constantly threatened with invasion but at least homosexuality in the military isn't a problem
6. the nation is constantly threatened with invasion but at least homosexuality in the military isn't a problem

#239 We Who Are About to Die Would Rather Go Home
1. it is a common belief that a sport isn't sport if there are no decapitations
2. badminton was recently banned due to 'unacceptable violence' inherent to the game
3. criminals are thrown to the @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ to repay their debt to society

#240 Plea Bargains: Tipping the Scales of Justice?
1. charged suspects often have to wait years before the courts have room to judge their trial
2. innocent defendants often plead guilty for fear of receiving a much harsher sentence before jury
3. the right to a fair trial was recently abolished for reasons of convenience

#241 A Capital City for @@NAME@@?
1. @@NAME@@ has designated @@CAPITAL@@ as its capital city [unlocks @@CAPITAL@@ field]
2. @@NAME@@ recently decided against having a capital city
3. all government facilities are built in the subterranean citadel of @@CAPITAL@@ [unlocks @@CAPITAL@@ field]
4. Mr Happy's Funland has just been named @@NAME@@'s new capital [unlocks @@CAPITAL@@ field]
5. the government has adopted a more thrifty attitude to administrating the country's needs

#242 Follow the Leader
1. @@LEADER@@ has just been declared ruler of @@NAME@@ in an international press conference [unlocks @@LEADER@@ field]
2. @@LEADER@@ has been self-declared as the Most Supreme Magnificent Overlord of Everything You Ever Saw [unlocks @@LEADER@@ field]
3. the Federal Council of @@NAME@@ has been announced as the new Head of State [unlocks @@LEADER@@ field]
4. even the most lowly council pen-pusher has the same political power as a senior minister
5. @@LEADER@@ has been known to threaten dissenting citizens with a machine gun at press conferences [unlocks @@LEADER@@ field]

#243 A Question of Faith
1. @@FAITH@@ has been named as @@NAME@@'s national religion [unlocks @@FAITH@@ field]
2. the government has declined to declare any particular religion as its 'official' one [unlocks @@FAITH@@ field]
3. the government's official stance on religion is that it is so very silly [unlocks @@FAITH@@ field]
4. open-heart surgery is taught in seminaries [unlocks @@FAITH@@ field]
5. @@LEADER@@ is the self-declared God of all @@NAME@@ [unlocks @@FAITH@@ field]

#244 Foreign Invasion Force Takes on Small Farming Community
1. @@NAME@@ is building an army to protect its overseas territories
2. invading armies are given hard glares for their cheek
3. thousands of citizens have been evicted from their homes so as 'not to cause a fuss' on the international scene
4. the government is sending thousands of citizens overseas to defend a square mile of land

#245 Clash of Cultures
1. immigrants are required to salute the flag five times a day
2. racial and religious segregation has become rife as the various groups are loath to mingle
3. religious figures have been banned from public holidays to make them more multicultural
4. all citizens must pass a 'multicultural sensitivity test' to be deemed fit for society
5. property values in suburbs have nosedived after the middle class were forced to live next door to ethnic minorities
6. the word 'foreigner' is considered a highly vulgar expletive

#246 @@NAME@@ to Hold the Olympic Torch?
1. @@NAME@@ successfully hosted the @@REGION@@ Olympics [leads to #1132]
2. organised sports are frowned upon as frivolous
3. the importance of winning Olympic gold medals is indoctrinated from an early age [leads to #1132]
4. chess hooliganism is on the rise after the banning of organised sports

#247 Where There's Smoke
1. reports of arson have doubled since the introduction of a privatised fire protection service
2. the fire protection service is wholly government-funded
3. most citizens in @@NAME@@ are abject pyrophobes after extremely graphic pamphlets were mailed nationwide by the government
4. the government's only official statement on the burning down of @@CAPITAL@@ was that 'they shouldn't have been so careless'

#248 The Sky Is Falling
1. frequent fliers are obliged to submit to invasive security procedures by government security
2. airport security is provided by private companies
3. bombs are permitted on planes for the 'security of the passengers'
4. the wreckages of bombed planes that litter @@NAME@@ are highly popular tourist destinations
5. aeroplanes have been converted into housing units after all air travel was outlawed

#249 Particle Accelerator Sparks High Energy Debate
1. construction of the Really Big Hadron Collider is underway
2. the study of quantum physics has been outlawed for fear of accidentally causing the end of the world
3. theoretical science is only theoretical

#250 Recession, Depression, and Deficit
1. the country spends an increasingly large amount of its budget on grand scale projects of pharaonic proportions in a bid to boost the economy
2. the government spends its days financing the delocalisation of its own economy
3. financial crimes carry severe sentences
4. the crackdown on private property seems as endless as the government issued food stamp lines
5. the country is effectively ruled by large corporations and business consultants

#251 The Trouble With Hobos
1. the recently unemployed can often be seen at the local homeless shelter
2. citizens applying for their first jobs face fierce competition from the homeless
3. homeless people are frequently charged with trespassing on public property
4. citizens who become homeless are immediately executed

#252 Great Balls of Fire!
1. nuclear warheads are frequently launched into space as a warning to invading meteoroids
2. the government has adopted a "Lightning Never Strikes Twice" approach to dealing with natural disasters
3. tourists are flocking to the newly-built MeteorLand family resort
4. god-fearing citizens can be seen in prayer circles around the Big Max impact crater

#253 How Much Democracy Is Too Much?
1. the government has ordered a moratorium on referenda
2. all judiciary cases are decided in the court of public opinion
3. referenda are held for every conceivable government action

#254 Freedom Comes at a Price
1. it is illegal to liberate slaves
2. employers are gradually adapting to the alien premise of paying wages to their workers [leads to #1258]
3. the booming slave trade is now government-funded

#255 Welfare Programs Not Faring Well
1. suit-clad businessmen have been taking advantage of the relaxed welfare qualifications by shopping with food stamps
2. the welfare administration's new sweeping authority has forced the poor and needy to shop from pre-approved grocery lists
3. penurious citizens die from easily remedied ailments because they aren't 'taking enough initiative'
4. the government is using tax revenues to provide jobs for the poor
5. the government enforces a policy of 'from each according to their ability, to each according to the available budget'

#256 Easter Egg: Suburbs Are Out of This World
1. the entire country is an urban wasteland as the well-to-do commute from space (@@EGG@@)
2. white-collar unemployment skyrockets as the suburbs are not within bicycling distance to work (@@EGG@@)
3. white-collar workers and their families are rounded up by the military and forced to relocate to the inner city (@@EGG@@)
4. the country is constantly under siege trying to protect soccer moms who've settled in occupied territory (@@EGG@@)

#257 @@LEADER@@ Assassinated... Almost
1. citizens simply have to point a weapon at a government official to get what they want
2. citizens have an obligation to remain silent and anything they say may be used against them [used to be "speaking out against the government is punishable by flogging"]
3. @@LEADER@@ goes out to lunch surrounded by large men in dark glasses
4. nobody ever seems to enter or leave the armour-plated flying castle that serves as the seat of government

#258 What's in a Name?
1. parents must choose their children's names from a government-mandated master list
2. @@ANIMAL@@ is one of the most popular forenames in @@NAME@@
3. all citizens are solely referenced by their allocated identity number

#259 A Taste of Revenge
1. the nation's diplomatic missives are now delivered via sniper rifle
2. the nation's new foreign policy of 'very disproportionate retribution' has its neighbors on edge
3. the government tries to improve relations with hostile countries by sending gift baskets

#260 Taxpayers on Strike!
1. the government has cut taxes in the face of widespread tax evasion
2. the police crack down on tax evaders without mercy
3. tax evaders are regularly visited by agents of the @@NAME@@ Blood Tithe

#261 Plastic, Plastic Everywhere
1. shoppers have literally had their hands full since plastic bags were banned
2. the nation's industries are scrambling to switch to biodegradable plastics
3. scenic tours are unheard of after most environmental laws were abolished
4. the entire retail industry has been replaced by online delivery services
5. scenic tours are unheard of after most environmental laws were abolished

#262 Sticks and Stones
1. a fashion designer has been arrested for inciting hatred after claiming redheads couldn't pull off vermillion
2. violently opinionated speakers can be heard preaching their hateful views on every street corner
3. the government is promoting multicultural values with the new 'Just Be Nice, OK?' initiative

#263 Wind Farms Blowing Up a Storm
1. renewable energy projects have ground to a halt
2. the countryside is shrouded by wind farms
3. @@NAME@@ has one of the largest offshore wind farms in the world

#264 Not a Drop to Drink
1. fewer people are bathing as citizens must show ration stamps before they can turn on their faucets
2. almost all of @@NAME@@'s water is piped into the country from abroad for exorbitant prices
3. raindances intended to summon storms instead attract tourists

#265 To Bail or Not to Bail?
1. the government is spending billions of taxpayer @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ to support "struggling" industries [used to be "the government is spending billions of taxpayer @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ to support the @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ industry"]
2. thousands of former welfare recipients are in a revolutionary uproar as the rest of society is enjoying a hefty tax break
3. businesses that prove successful are immediately broken up

#266 Easter Egg: Breaching the Great Fourth Wall of @@NAME@@
1. trade is bringing a wide selection of strange resources and technologies into @@NAME@@ although importers have the highest mortality rate in the nation (@@EGG@@)
2. the @@NAMEINITIALS@@AF has poured billions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ into anti-spaceship defenses to protect @@NAME@@ against outsiders (@@EGG@@)
3. several universities in @@NAME@@ have assembled expensive research teams to explore and study new lands and old ruins (@@EGG@@)
4. @@NAME@@ has begun an effort to aggressively conquer neighboring countries (@@EGG@@)
5. in a bizarre move the government of @@NAME@@ has destroyed all information about a new world map in order to protect the nation's 'mind-carrots' (@@EGG@@)

#267 Controversial Coup Causes Commotion
1. the government is pouring money into 'Operation Enduring Democracy'
2. the art of conversation has been rediscovered
3. the government encourages conflict abroad to increase arms sales
4. pollsters are out of a job as elections have been cancelled

#268 Don't Want Your Kid Anymore? Good News!
1. orphanages are closing their doors as the government forces parents to actually raise their children
2. orphanages are closing their doors as the government forces parents to actually raise their children
3. mothers are routinely abandoning their children in the name of women's rights
4. toddlers are wielding machine guns in the name of national defense

#269 Stop the Presses!
1. economists claim no news is good news [used to be "morning coffees are no longer the same since the disappearance of newspapers"]
2. paper and ink publications are subsidised by the government to keep them in the black [used to be "the newspaper industry is subsidised by the government in order to keep it afloat"]
3. daily newspapers are permitted to run only pro-government stories
4. abacus sales outpace those of the personal computer following the closure of the Internet

#270 Space Spectacular Sours Small Stargazers
1. teenagers stay out into the wee hours of the morning "stargazing"
2. police officers have nearly cracked a major underage astronomy syndicate
3. the police have been swamped with requests to stay up past bedtime

#271 Vigilantes: Heroes or Hoodlums?
1. police are arresting costumed characters at comic book conventions
2. police are arresting costumed characters at comic book conventions
3. embarrassed police officers wear spandex and carry net guns
4. terrified neighbors cower behind concertina wire and machine gun nests [leads to #511]
5. terrified neighbors cower behind concertina wire and arrow loops [leads to #511]
6. the government now pays the "Really Awesome Super Heroes" (RASH) to catch evildoers [leads to #511]

#272 Slow Down, You're Going Too Fast
1. mothers drive their college-graduate children to work
2. cars speed down national highways while drivers sleep at the wheel
3. bicycle parking sheds have sprouted like mushrooms near rail stations after cars were banned

#273 Is Our Children Learning?
1. students cut up leftover @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ during Arts and Crafts
2. rag-wearing teachers are often mistaken for homeless people
3. the state believes that children are what you make of them [used to be "@@NAME@@'s schoolchildren are manufactured into a segregated bunch of soldiers, religious zealots, and computer technicians"]
4. the state believes that children are what you make of them [used to be "@@NAME@@'s schoolchildren are manufactured into a segregated bunch of soldiers, religious zealots, and computer technicians"]
5. wealthy students ride to school past mendicant dropouts
6. wealthy students ride to school past mendicant dropouts

#274 Brotherly Love - a Bit Too Close to Home?
1. inter-species marriages are ignored by the government
2. family bonding sessions are considered immoral and are banned
3. annulments are on the rise as couples discover their ancestors were born in the same hospitals
4. divorce lawyers are found begging on the streets
5. people choose marriage partners by buying a lottery ticket
6. citizens may not "love, honor and obey" anyone except the State
7. love is given from each according to their ability but marriage is assigned to each according to their needs

#275 Wiki Worries
1. the "Underwear of Women in Power" issue of The @@CAPITAL@@ Times is sold out
2. popular websites like NationStates are blocked for "national security"
3. the Ministry of Truthiness now manages the entire media industry

#276 Circus Clowns Cause Chaos!
1. strange looking men with big red noses are found hiding behind bushes and inside dustbins
2. students are wary of colorfully decorated new teachers with names like Professor Pipsqueak
3. clowns are being rounded up and admitted to mental institutions

#277 Say Cheese!
1. photographers can be found hiding behind the curtains in @@LEADER@@'s bedroom
2. photographers have to apply for a license to photograph @@LEADER@@
3. the secret service is working overtime to find anyone publishing unauthorized material about @@LEADER@@

#278 Relief Is Coming... In Four to Six Weeks
1. contrails and thunderous rumbles have returned to the skies above
2. survivors receive aid from only the most environmentally-friendly transport
3. people take government jobs for the frequent flier miles

#279 A Vat Lot of Trouble
1. the government is pouring billions into replacement brains
2. citizens who don't meet government health standards are whisked away never to be seen again
3. 'Let's Get It On' has jumped to #1 on the billboard charts
4. 'Let's Get It On' has jumped to #1 on the billboard charts
5. trouble-makers are frequently turned in to the government to be 'recycled'

#280 Oh the Humanity!
1. the airship business has been driven out of the country by strict regulations and high fines
2. airship use has soared while property values beneath their routes have plummeted
3. the new hit series "@@NAME@@'s Got Trauma" has corporate executives fleeing the country

#281 Free Internet for @@NAME@@?
1. the internet has been placed under government control
2. students abandon classrooms for online education
3. internet service is too costly for normal people to purchase
4. electrocution deaths among computer technicians are at an all-time high

#282 Slum Village Extraordinaire
1. luxury brands target their advertising at the unemployed and homeless
2. workers who try to quit their jobs must first register with the welfare department
3. many of the poor live from cradle to grave without ever seeing sunlight
4. tourists flock from around the world to see @@NAME@@'s famed 'rainbow slums'

#283 Wealthy Flee to Tax-Free Havens
1. expats return home to a government devoid of social and environmental agencies
2. citizens wishing to leave the country must surrender half their wealth to the government
3. citizens are forbidden from leaving the country

#284 Drug Legality Run Amok
1. the government has begun selling heroin and ecstasy to help fund its projects
2. consuming ecstasy is a common rite of passage
3. the government has begun a crusade against drugs
4. politicians debate whether caffeine is too addictive for the public
5. absentminded citizens frequently converse with hallucinations

#285 A Right Not to Work?
1. the request to "give us our daily bread" can only be fulfilled six days out of seven [used to be "emergency room admissions for 'stampede injuries' have skyrocketed since the introduction of weekly Sabbath Eve sales"]
2. police and sick people alike fear the Day of Rest as all institutions are forced to shut down
3. retail stores offer sales every hour on the hour
4. midnight pizza breaks are common among the work-from-home population

#286 A Whale of a Problem
1. people are arrested for looking too sternly at whales
2. seafood restaurants assure customers 'If it lives in the sea, it's on our menu'
3. the government strictly regulates whale harvest quotas
4. fishing crews are regularly interrogated by surprisingly violent environmentalists

#287 Maxtopians Demand Return of the King
1. museums stand half-empty as all foreign exhibits are returned to their countries of origin
2. the new 'Things We Stole From Other Countries' exhibition at the National Museum of Antiquities is a hit
3. the 'Half King of Maxtopia' exhibit is the least popular amongst museum-goers
4. museums occasionally burn priceless artifacts in order to intimidate foreign curators

#288 Super-Sized Pizzas Recipe for Disaster?
1. police conduct weekly raids looking for contraband cheeseburgers
2. overweight people receive reparations checks from fast-food chains
3. a typical fast food menu item could serve a small army
4. the government props up questionable pizza establishments in the name of health

#289 Blizzards Serve Calls Cold, Says Mayor
1. politicians constantly ring their voters to remind them how good a job they're doing
2. people unhook their phones at night to escape a never-ending barrage of phone calls
3. calling out of the blue has become taboo

#290 Wheels of Misfortune
1. new safety regulations require all cars manufactured in @@NAME@@ to be bombproof
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@-made cars tend to catch fire in people's driveways
3. the nationalized auto industry is adept at making durable little cars nobody wants to drive
4. heavy industry grinds to a halt as new equipment must be biked in

#291 A Question of Sport
1. glittering new sports stadiums adorn every city and town
2. marketing departments of corporate giants compete to sponsor little league teams
3. tourists are kicked out if they express interest in their national sport
4. kids laugh off vandalism and arson as "just fun"

#292 Tourists Wearing Out Their Welcome?
1. the police strictly enforce off-limit zones for tourists
2. anti-tourism militias patrol the borders
3. tourists outnumber citizens two to one
4. tourists outnumber citizens two to one
5. tourists need only sign on the dotted line to become citizens

#293 Maestro, Please
1. conductors wield diamond-encrusted batons to fit in with their freshly gilded surroundings
2. concert pianists lie about their occupation to avoid ridicule
3. concert pianists lie about their occupation to avoid ridicule
4. commercial jingles have been ham-handedly forced into world renowned symphonies
5. terrified tympanists are finding themselves on the front lines armed only with kettledrums

#294 Ghost Riders on the Sly
1. legislators work 24/7 due to an influx of single-issue bills
2. the minority inevitably have their addenda vetoed
3. laws are littered with references to cheese
4. laws are littered with references to cheese
5. the CEO of Laws Incorporated must sign off on all new bills

#295 Give Us Pockets or Give Us Something Else
1. fashion stores are exploding in sales as clothing is reintroduced to the country
2. the government has hired out-of-work fashion designers to design purses for men
3. clothed men and nude women illustrate the stark contrasts in the nation's equality laws

#296 Come on Baby, Fight My Fire
1. CEOs can't hear the term 'Fire Sale' without bursting into tears
2. shanty towns have formed around the newly rebuilt commercial district
3. disaster victims are viewed with disdain
4. the minority party is vilified for everything from fires to earthquakes

#297 Intersex Athletes Demand Level Playing Field
1. muscular women are banned from competing in sporting competitions
2. the 'kind of scrawny' 500 meter hurdle is a popular event
3. national parks have long lines of different gender-specific 'Porta-Pottys'
4. hairdressers are among those who have disappeared overnight

#298 Cults: Harmless or Heretics?
1. new religious sects are squashed immediately by the government
2. fast food restaurants everywhere are under the control of a gigantic government corporation
3. young people crowd pizza parlors praying to 'The Supreme Pizza, His Immaculate Munchiness'
4. believers must practice religion behind church doors lest the government smite them with a mighty fine

#299 Some Like It Hot; Others Don't
1. grazing lands are filled with cattle wearing odd-looking anti-pollution devices
2. a punitive tax has been placed on harmful emissions
3. surfers ride tsunamis of record height and toxicity
4. the state has declared war on the environment and environmentalists by association

#300 Trafficked Tots Trouble
1. vets have been drafted in to help "fix" those who fail the parental license exam
2. the national Police Academies have dedicated infant wings
3. prospective parents are cheering on the streets as they no longer need a license to have children

#301 Are 'Friends' Electric?
1. environmentalists are staging large protests in front of reopened nuclear power plants
2. the government has invited tenders from other nations to run the country's infrastructure
3. the country is at the forefront of a 'peacekeeping' mission to secure power plants in war-torn Maxtopia

#302 Delivering Mayhem in Thirty Minutes or Less!
1. many feel that the government's ban on cars to combat reckless driving was "a tad excessive"
2. businesses have become paranoid as waves of lawsuits sweep the nation
3. city rooftops are pockmarked with the shattered remains of high velocity delivery drones
4. legions of police officers force people to move into massive urban apartments
5. legions of police officers force people to move into massive urban apartments

#303 Digital Revolution Requires Re-Evaluation
1. only toddlers and the elderly watch television before 23:00
2. Saturday morning cartoons feature full frontal nudity
3. Saturday morning cartoons feature full frontal nudity
4. almost all the visible space on TV screens is taken up by advertising
5. children spout "@@SLOGAN@@" involuntarily throughout the day

#304 Time for Paternity Leave, Say Dads
1. many working fathers have never seen their children
2. companies struggle to cover for the hordes of employees on parental leave
3. unstable couples are known to break up over which one gets parental leave
4. most mothers are forced to quit their jobs to care for infants
5. most mothers are forced to quit their jobs to care for infants
6. mandatory daycare is provided by the government

#305 Who's Occupying What?
1. former school buses now regularly shuttle kids to the nearest shopping centers to work
2. millions of devastated 7-year-olds are denied astronaut and ballerina training
3. businesses are forced to bring all work back within the nation's borders
4. the military is blowing up any threat to employment within the nation

#306 A Matter of Trust
1. politicians have to be granted day-release from prison to speak on bills
2. many politicians are having to do a hard day's work for the first time in their careers
3. the Father of the House has been in office just shy of a fortnight
4. bills about shades of lipstick are frequently introduced in the nation's legislature
5. the government is spending millions on 'trust campaigns' in an effort to win back the public's support
6. dissident voters are sent on a 'relaxing break' at the Ministry of Love

#307 Derailing the Gravy Train
1. politicians are often found scavenging bins at night to supplement their income
2. newspapers cannot report anything about politicians without their explicit consent

#308 Over, Under or Through?
1. @@NAME@@ Barrier Island residents anxiously await their 'Bridge to Somewhere'
2. the @@NAMEINITIALS@@BI Channel Tunnel project is plagued by delays
3. commuter vessels have trouble staying afloat due to increased passengers
4. island residents must resort to canoes and sailboats to get to work

#309 Guerrilla Grandparents
1. aging citizens are celebrating the end of the 'Early Bird War'
2. fortified nursing homes are wracked with daily skirmishes
3. the elderly live on a steady diet of canned beans in dreary government housing

#310 Too Little Talk?
1. a recent political debate came to a quick close once the ruling party decreed it was "just plain silly"
2. a recent political debate came to a quick close once the ruling party decreed it was "just plain silly"
3. multiple polls have christened the newly-formed Filibuster Committee as "the least efficient government bureaucracy"
4. a determined opposition debates the relative benefits of Arial and Times New Roman for days on end

#311 Victims Demand Their Pound of Flesh
1. murder victims' families receive windfall payouts when the murderers are executed
2. prosecutors routinely call transplant doctors as 'expert witnesses' in burglary cases
3. condemned prisoners spend hours a day sitting in lotus position looking perplexed

#312 The Empire Strikes First?
1. @@NAME@@ is increasingly belligerent on the international stage
2. the government has declared its commitment to multilateralism
3. the nation is reliant on the principle of mutually assured destruction to maintain its security
4. the government is giving peace a chance

#313 Conscientious Objectors Want You... To Let Them Abstain
1. military recruitment numbers are down as citizens object on 'moral grounds'
2. conscientious objectors are hanged as traitors
3. priests are being drafted by the church load
4. priests are being drafted by the church load

#314 An Affair to Remember?
1. cheating spouses are required to undergo job training
2. motels cater primarily to adulterers
3. bloodthirsty zealots regularly participate in the Friday Night Stoning of Adulterers
4. once-popular honeymoon destinations have become ghost towns due to a lack of visitors

#315 Creative Flowers Withering Under Legislation
1. racial supremacists indulge their wildest fantasies in cinemas and theatres across the nation
2. immigrants flood the job queues as discrimination in the workplace makes a staggering comeback
3. "It was only a joke" is no longer a defense for the felony of discrimination
4. citizens are only allowed to view government-approved TV shows

#316 Fortified Against Crime
1. the richest citizens live in sheltered private citadels
2. the rich are forced to sell their houses to pay for more police to prevent their houses from being burgled [used to be "the rich are forced to sell their cars to pay for more police to prevent their cars from being stolen"]
3. the poor are quarantined in the inner cities to prevent criminals from entering the suburbs
4. crime has increased substantially since the police concentrated all their efforts on arresting the rich for loitering in their own homes

#317 Big Brother Is Watching You Surf
1. government popup ads are springing up like weeds
2. cyber-crime and tin-foil hat sales are both increasing at record rates
3. the government is rounding up computers and beating them into plowshares [leads to #911]

#318 Death Penalty on Death Row?
1. prisoners work-share to cut down rising costs of keeping them in jail
2. the populace lives in fear of painful execution for minor offences
3. criminals are put to death while cuddling their favourite teddy bear
4. police officers have been re-kitted with designer uniforms and gold-plated handcuffs
5. innocent people are routinely stoned to death by frenzied lynch mobs

#319 Sizing Up the Competition
1. teams of painters are converting road signs from horse lengths to kilometers
2. the populace harbors a fierce hatred of the metric system
3. businesses are scrambling to adapt to the government's mandate that 'time and measurement no longer exist'

#320 Criminals to Vote?
1. citizens receive notices of disenfranchisement along with their parking tickets
2. prison visits increase substantially during election years

#321 Cowboys and... Aliens?
1. droves of former desperados are applying to join the border police
2. immigrant herding has become a national pastime

#322 Empathy a Rare Commodity?
1. citizens are tied down and forced to watch educational videos on empathy
2. curtailed social programs have left many citizens bereft of any safety net

#323 Get Teens Out of MyFace?
1. it is now illegal for teens to view any sites except Club Kitten and My Little Donkey
2. the nation leads @@REGION@@ in per capita stalking
3. the fastest growing demographic of porn viewership is twelve to seventeen
4. computers are used primarily for word processing and solitaire

#324 "Tourism Tanking!" Trumpet Tabloids
1. a new generation of aquariumless hotels are being built under government supervision
2. visitors to the famed rainforests are instead taken to vast furniture factories
3. visitors to the famed rainforests are instead taken to vast furniture factories
4. online tourism reviews of @@NAME@@ are suspiciously positive and amazingly similar

#325 Blazing Through the Paper Trail
1. the bonfire of the old paper records can be seen for miles around @@CAPITAL@@
2. 1% of global paper production is bound for the National Archive
3. 1% of global paper production is bound for the National Archive
4. the National Archive now covers square miles of warehouses in order to accommodate its new stone tablets system

#326 Knitters in a Knot Over Police Stitch Up
1. families consisting of more than three people are forced to split up
2. criminals rejoice in the streets as the entire police force is sent away on a training retreat
3. knitting needles have been banned in the name of public safety

#327 No Rest for the Weary @@ANIMAL@@
1. retired racing @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ are served truffles for breakfast
2. pet owners exercise their @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ at a snail's pace or risk prosecution [used to be "@@ANIMAL@@ owners exercise their pets at a snail's pace or risk prosecution"]
3. the @@ANIMAL@@ stadiums are open 24/7 [used to be "@@ANIMAL@@ racing stadiums are open 24/7"]
4. government officials across @@NAME@@ are being "encouraged" to adopt @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ to set an example for the populace

#328 Bugged by Lack of Intelligence
1. all telephone traffic is monitored for 'national security reasons'
2. travel bureaus double as recruiting centers for national intelligence agencies
3. the nation's secret service is so secret that nobody knows if it has one
4. all new "spies" are fifteen-year-old acne-ridden kids on computers

#329 Military Uniforms Under Scrutiny
1. soldiers with colourful mohawks make themselves perfect targets for snipers
2. the nation's soldiers are considered the best-dressed in @@REGION@@
3. troops clank into battle wearing antique suits of armour
4. soldiers are equipped with multi-million @@CURRENCY@@ battlesuits
5. soldiers go to war dressed in cassocks and robes
6. shock troops shock enemy forces with their nudity

#330 Supermarkets Gobbling Up All the Customers?
1. stores employing more than 100 employees are required to be at least twenty miles from any competitor
2. one-stop superstores divide and conquer family businesses
3. the government provides its citizenry with the same mass produced rations

#331 Swept Away
1. the government is flooded with compensation requests
2. insurance companies charge extortionate premiums to cover homes near waterways
3. children listen incredulously when their grandparents explain what a "running river" is
4. there is a dearth of space for new houses

#332 Summit Security Spending Stirs Strife
1. @@CAPITAL@@ is a police state during international summits
2. rioting during the nation's hosting of ORDER caused one million @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ of property damage
3. hackers post hourly updates on international summits
4. the constantly ringing phones in @@LEADER@@'s office have driven a few interns mad

#333 No Sacrifice, No Sacrifice at All
1. churches across the land are hurriedly installing auto-tune for their choirs
2. churches across the land are hurriedly installing auto-tune for their choirs
3. murderers and thieves claim divine inspiration to avoid prosecution
4. citizens are required to report any and all incidents of prayer to their local Religious Affairs Officer
5. there are major delays at immigration checkpoints as travellers are forced to prove they belong to @@FAITH@@
6. any reference to a higher being is punished with public shaming

#334 Blot Out Bauhaus?
1. builders spend more time negotiating "tasteful architecture" than on actual construction
2. surrealist houses shaped like mushrooms and volcanoes dominate the wealthiest neighborhoods
3. surrealist houses shaped like mushrooms and volcanoes dominate the wealthiest neighborhoods
4. administrative districts are increasingly defined by their taste in housing architecture

#335 Log Us Back On
1. teenagers haven't been seen outdoors since the nation reconnected to the Internet
2. the government is buying children's books by the thousands
3. computers are widely considered to be the "devil magic of heathens"
4. locally produced computer games are being released faster than gamers can play them
5. locally produced computer games are being released faster than gamers can play them

#336 Polygamy Causes Division
1. prenuptial contracts have replaced diamond rings in marriage proposals
2. a flood of mandatory divorces burdens the courts
3. a flood of mandatory divorces burdens the courts
4. vitriolic divorce proceedings have become prime-time television

#337 Doctors Crossing Borders?
1. the government is outsourcing itself
2. charity no longer begins at home
3. people eagerly queue days at A&E to wait for their free healthcare

#338 The Silence and the Fury
1. noises louder than a whisper have been prohibited by law
2. most people suffer from some form of hearing loss

#339 The Bear Necessities
1. workers have seized control of the economy
2. workers' complaints never reach central planning
3. the economy is undergoing a traumatic transition to capitalism

#340 Defending Patent Pending
1. corporate innovation has effectively ended since ideas can no longer be owned
2. an IT mega-corporation has a patent pending on the rectangle
3. the government subsidizes everything from particle physics to fabric softeners

#341 Where in the Woods Is Cindy SanFrancisco?
1. the national guard is mobilized whenever a mother gets separated from her child at the mall
2. the populace has developed a mortal fear of the woods
3. fearful citizens watch their every move as does their government
4. fearful citizens watch their every move as does their government
5. groups of three or more trees are cut down in the name of 'child safety'

#342 This Land Was Made for You and Me
1. the new Refuse Hills housing development is under construction
2. prime picnicking sites are being paved over in the name of progress
3. citizens living in underground cities have developed a healthy green glow
4. citizens living in underground cities have developed a healthy green glow
5. residents of newly dried out bays live in fear of leaky dikes [leads to #1060]

#343 Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?
1. discarded pennies litter the streets
2. the nation refuses to discard its increasingly useless penny
3. mandatory electronic currency is a boon for credit card companies and government surveillance

#344 Trash Talk
1. litter collection has replaced fast food as the most popular after-school job
2. daisy chain gangs plant flowers and pick up litter
3. the Hanging Gardens account for half of @@CAPITAL@@'s water use
4. the Hanging Gardens account for half of @@CAPITAL@@'s water use
5. tumbleweeds made of litter adorn city streets

#345 Mayors Behaving Badly
1. hordes of faceless civil servants are running cities
2. brazen mayors claim official expenses to pay for their drug habits
3. many mayors are barely in office before being kicked out for minor parking violations

#346 Oil's Well That Ends Well
1. oil executives can be seen reluctantly cleaning oil-soaked birds
2. the government struggles to keep up with the endless list of petrol disasters
3. wind farms are erected on shuttered oil platforms
4. Ollie the Oiled Seal welcomes throngs of tourists to the newly opened Oil Oasis Water Park

#347 Crime Problems Ganging Up on @@NAME@@
1. rap artists are regularly arrested for promoting extremist groups
2. new funding allows inner city teachers to replace school laptops almost as fast as they get stolen
3. street gangs rule most of the nation's major cities

#348 I Want a Lawyer
1. the state is footing the bill for billionaires' lawyers
2. there is a disproportionate number of poor people in prison
3. every street in the nation contains at least three law firms

#349 Bigtopian Bigwigs Beset Border
1. foreigners with shady pasts are fleeing the country
2. retirement homes are filled with foreign war criminals
3. the military is recruiting war criminals to join its weapons research teams

#350 Queasy Cuisine
1. fine dining is just too fine for most of the populace
2. the nation's cuisine is the laughing stock of @@REGION@@
3. farmers are struggling to keep up with demand for local produce
4. citizens are emigrating to escape the bland cuisine
5. obesity is a thing of the past due to the nation's sickening cuisine
6. the food pyramid has been replaced with the word PASTA in bold block capital letters

#351 The Cost of Freedom
1. well-off serial killers write monthly checks to avoid jail time
2. private law firms are unheard of
3. violent criminals are doomed to be hunted by a psychotic billionaire

#352 Going Off the Rails
1. suicide victims often leave behind cash to cover the cost of their fines
2. the relatives of suicide victims tend to be angry rather than sad
3. train stations can be 'armful places
4. anyone who so much as frowns risks being referred to a mental health unit
5. the nation's train stations are widely considered to be the ugliest in @@REGION@@

#353 Broadband Going to the Birds?
1. consumption of cat memes has skyrocketed
2. streaming video is considered to be a myth by most citizens
3. stray cats threaten the fledgling avian-based internet

#354 Subversive Shortwaves
1. the military invades any neighboring nation with the gall to criticize its policies
2. citizens have never heard foreign radio
3. the government is suspected of mass disappearing dissidents both at home and abroad
4. sociologists can charge whatever fee they like as the nation tries to find itself

#355 Alien Invaders
1. the government keeps introducing new foreign species to combat the previous ones it has introduced
2. it's always rabbit season
3. invasive species are hunted by the gendarmerie
4. the government's official position on invasive species is 'who cares?'

#356 @@NAME@@ in the Time of Cholera
1. the nation is now proudly cholera-free
2. the nation is loathed abroad for dumping all of its waste in international waters

#357 Vamos, Mi @@ANIMAL@@!
1. police officers ride the swiftest @@ANIMALPLURAL@@
2. cops enjoy driving jaywalkers into the ground
3. police officers spend more time on calisthenics than actually catching criminals

#358 Not Another Teen Pregnancy
1. 'Abstinence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder' is a common school motto
2. many junior high school teachers minor in midwifery
3. children play Capture the Flag and Capture the Bigtopian General Staff at summer camps
4. the youth of today are literally shaped by big business
5. the youth of today are literally shaped by state ideology
6. getting an abortion takes less hassle than writing a letter [used to be "pregnancy is being used by teenage girls as a quick way to make pocket money"]

#359 Got Democracy?
1. pro-democracy protesters are shot on sight by state police
2. pro-democracy regime change has been avoided
3. corrupt Party bureaucrats are being voted out of office in overwhelming numbers
4. widespread voter apathy has been credited to allegations that all candidates are puppets of @@LEADER@@
5. chemically brainwashed citizens praise @@LEADER@@'s name on an hourly basis

#360 Electile Dysfunction
1. minor parties are virtually absent in Parliament
2. third party candidates are now gaining some representation in Parliament
3. coalition governments are essential to passing new laws
4. some members of Parliament are illiterate
5. only the wealthy vote

#361 @@CAPITAL@@, We Have a Problem
1. the explosive fireball of the disintegrating space shuttle has devastated Cape @@NAME@@ [leads to #362]
2. foreign 'investors' have been taking a great interest in the new secret shuttle
3. stranded astronauts hitch rides on foreign spacecraft to get home
4. the eerie remains of the final shuttle mission orbit in silence as a sober reminder of the abandoned space program

#362 After the Fall
1. the government is funneling billions into Cape @@NAME@@ following the shuttle crash
2. soldiers are authorised to use lethal force to maintain calm in the crash zone
3. the government prefers to take a hands-off approach to catastrophes

#363 The Apotheosis of @@LEADER@@?
1. @@LEADER@@ is worshipped as a god
2. government policy is dictated by @@FAITH@@
3. tax rises are attributed to divine will
4. the government is seen as openly hostile to all religion
5. failure to pay the thrice-daily homage to the divine @@LEADER@@ is punishable by death [leads to #1124]

#364 It's UterUs, Not UterYou!
1. birth rates have hit an all-time low
2. churches frequently hold public 'contraception burnings'
3. underground copulation clubs have sprung up in major cities

#365 A Busload of Worry
1. children as young as six shock their parents by coming out of the closet
2. tightly packed choir-boys sing the god-given joys of heterosexuality on public transport
3. tightly packed choir-boys sing the god-given joys of heterosexuality on public transport
4. bus ads propagandize causes ranging from sexual revolution to religious pogroms
5. @@CAPITAL@@ spends billions upgrading public transport

#366 Prosecute Stolen Valour, Says Military
1. fancy dress parties are raided by military police for new recruits
2. the nation's Medal of Honour can be found as a free toy in breakfast cereal
3. soldiers have swapped their uniforms for prisonwear
4. soldiers have swapped their uniforms for prisonwear

#367 What's Their Beef?
1. fresh food is a thing of the past due to onerous testing standards
2. the criminal underworld is awash with sausage smuggling
3. unemployed butchers line the streets
4. Humongo-Mart's Beef 'n @@ANIMAL@@ Lasagne is a hit

#368 Female Workers Feeling the Pinch
1. men avoid even so much as looking at female colleagues
2. women wear burqas to avoid unwanted male attention
3. women are kept out of work but at least dinner is served on time [used to be "women aren't allowed to work but at least dinner is served on time"]
4. harassment has been stamped out under the high-heeled jackboots of a matriarchy

#369 No Vocation Without Remuneration
1. companies are turning to trained @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ for their most menial jobs
2. companies balk at paying their workers
3. clandestine emigration to countries with labor laws is all the rage
4. foreign observers are baffled by the sway @@LEADER@@'s student intern holds over macroeconomics

#370 The Unbearable Lightness of Government [used to be "Abolished Tax Code Crushes @@NAME@@"]
1. money is being desperately pumped into the ruined economy
2. the government's economic policy is "sort it yourself"
3. soup kitchens are the only things doing roaring business

#371 Lotto Fever
1. citizens re-mortgage their homes to buy lottery tickets
2. betting pennies on games of Go Fish is considered deviant
3. chain casinos dominate the national gambling market
4. chain casinos dominate the national gambling market
5. @@LEADER@@'s pleasure palace epitomizes corruption

#372 The Coming of the Commissars
1. troops are either deafened by gunfire or a hysterical voice screaming the Party manifesto
2. rocket boots and thermal detonators have become standard-issue military gear
3. vote-counting is replacing kitchen patrol as the least glamorous army work
4. police wait behind troop deployments in order to shoot deserters

#373 Devil and the Deep Blue Funding Gap
1. mantis shrimp studies is academia's fastest-growing field
2. most academic research has ground to a halt

#374 Lion Dad Sparks Child-Rearing Sentiment
1. helicopter parenting is on the rise
2. mollycoddled youths run the country
3. the nation's only university is the School of Hard Knocks
4. society has literally been thrown to the wolves

#375 Easter Egg: Keep Your Hands Off Those Lucky Charms!
1. the nation's gold reserves are said to be somewhere over the rainbow (@@EGG@@)
2. rainbows have been replaced by gloomy rain clouds as a result of the mass burning of leprechauns (@@EGG@@)
3. drunk leprechauns pelt countryside ramblers with gold coins (@@EGG@@)

#376 Death by Bungee
1. bungee jumpers rarely go splat
2. crossing the road requires a risk assessment
3. bungee jumpers frequently go splat

#377 It's a Bird! It's a Plane! No, It's... Oh, It Was a Plane
1. the nation has always been at war with Bigtopia
2. government ministers are regularly seen in the streets confessing their sins and hammering missiles into plow-shares
3. foreign planes and migratory birds are shot down as spies
4. police pull people off the street for even mentioning the word plane

#378 The War to End All Wars
1. commemoration of the Great @@REGION@@ War costs almost as much as the war itself
2. historical commemorations regularly devolve into militaristic jingoism
3. anniversaries of major historical events pass unnoticed
4. the nation grinds to a halt on the anniversary of every marginally noteworthy event
5. the nation's war memorials are being torn down and replaced with peace gardens

#379 Stakes on a Plane
1. homeowners are evicted to make way for new runways
2. planespotters are emigrating in droves
3. billions are being spent on a new island airport

#380 Farmers Seeding Discontent
1. agriculture is heavily subsidized by the government
2. the government is engaging in an agricultural trade war with Maxtopia
3. cheap and tasteless vegetables flood the markets
4. cheap and tasteless vegetables flood the markets

#381 Mamma @@NAME@@, Let Me Go
1. the government has an "easy come, easy go" policy on youth crime
2. tantrum-throwing toddlers are regularly imprisoned on assault charges
3. churches now double as dungeons

#382 The Appropriate Amount of Appropriation
1. prominent cultural symbols are featured on the backs of cereal boxes
2. citizens sporting mohawks must carry family trees on them at all times
3. school children are expected to know the names of all seven hundred native tribes and their cultural practices
4. immigrants are asked to leave their cultural traditions and pride at the border

#383 Born to Be Just a Bit Too Wild?
1. children are shocked to find others "just like them" when they are taken out of the forest
2. soldiers are noted for their ferocity and illiteracy
3. a significant number of @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ are being prosecuted on charges of child abuse
4. the most popular household pet in @@NAME@@ is the domestic minor

#384 Out of the Royal Frying Pan
1. governments opposing @@NAME@@ are beset by rebels
2. the government prefers to kill off its enemies by peaceful means [leads to #513]
3. the government prefers to kill off its enemies by peaceful means [leads to #513]
4. skateboarding is considered a form of diplomacy

#385 Who Stands for @@NAME@@?
1. the new national mascot has to be wheeled onto the field of play
2. an increasingly villainous series of sports coaches are demanding the national mascot's true identity
3. the national sporting identity is represented by a talking burger and a singing smartphone
4. political scientists despair as the national mascot election eclipses all others in voter enthusiasm
5. political scientists despair as the national mascot election eclipses all others in voter enthusiasm

#386 Droning On and On
1. warfare increasingly resembles a video game
2. the state auctions off combat drones to fund war reparations

#387 [An International Incident] Diamonds Are an Expat's Best Friend!
1. the military is on a massive recruiting drive in advance of an invasion of Brasilistan [leads to #388]
2. the nightly news reports prosaically on the government blindly throwing money at despotic kidnappers [leads to #389]

#388 [An International Incident] Napalm in the Morning
1. troop transports blacken the sky as the military commences Operation Desert Ocean [leads to #390]
2. carpet bombing has decimated Brasilistan's landscape and population [leads to #397]

#389 [An International Incident] Sanctions, Sanctions Everywhere!
1. toilet paper is considered a non-essential item in the embargo against Brasilistan [leads to #391]
2. the nation's coasts have been left unprotected while the entire navy sits in Brasilistani waters [leads to #392]
3. a new Brasilistani government has become a daily report on the main evening news [leads to #390]

#390 [An International Incident] An Unstable Situation
1. the nation's armed forces are recruiting thousands to help colonise Brasilistan [leads to #405]
2. nation-building is the new national pastime [leads to #395]
3. nation-building is the new national pastime [leads to #395]

#391 [An International Incident] The Third Horseman of Brasilistan
1. the government is spending more on exports to Brasilistan than it's receiving from tariffs on the imports [leads to #396]
2. Brasilistan has been announced as the nation's newest colony [leads to #405]

#392 [An International Incident] A Pirate Problem
1. the might of the nation's air force has been deployed against people with sticks in boats [leads to #393]
2. nations around the region are recognising Gingerbeard as the new leader of Brasilistan [leads to #395]

#393 [An International Incident] A Naval Conundrum
1. the navy is playing the part of pirate hunter [end chain]
2. expensive show trials reveal the harshness of the nation's justice system [end chain]
3. hundreds of Brasilistani pirates are sent forcibly to Davy Jones' locker [end chain]

#394 Ten Days in a Mad House
1. any citizen who cries is immediately assigned a psychiatrist
2. the most common psychiatric diagnosis is to 'stop whining and grow up'
3. the most common psychiatric diagnosis is to 'stop whining and grow up'
4. anyone dissenting from the state ideology is declared "mentally ill" and whisked away in a straitjacket

#395 [An International Incident] Growing Pains
1. the nation has abandoned Brasilistan to its fate [end chain]
2. selling bombs to terrorists has become government policy [end chain]
3. the nation's people have woken up to find themselves colonial masters of Brasilistan [leads to #405]

#396 [An International Incident] Hello, Is It Brie You're Looking For? [used to be "[An International Incident] Is It Brie You're Looking For?"]
1. soldiers are now trained how to make sandwiches properly [end chain]
2. food shipments to Brasilistan have been replaced with DIY fishing rods and unintelligible instruction manuals [end chain]
3. the destitute in Brasilistan forlornly wait in vain at docks for food shipments that will never arrive [end chain]

#397 [An International Incident] Select Your Target!
1. the nation's air missiles have killed thousands of Brasilistan military personnel [leads to #399]
2. claims of genocide have been levied against the nation by international observers [leads to #398]
3. @@REGION@@ holds its breath as nuclear warfare is being seriously considered [leads to #406]

#398 [An International Incident] Why Did You Do That?!
1. Brasilistan's industrial base is being quickly decimated [leads to #399]
2. the airforce has intensified its bombings of hospitals and schools in Brasilistan [leads to #401]
3. the international community waits with bated breath as the moment of nuclear warfare comes closer [leads to #406]

#399 [An International Incident] Invasion Plan
1. the might of the nation's military are undertaking a long march to colonisation in Brasilistan [leads to #405]
2. elite teams of assassins have been sent into Brasilistan [leads to #400]
3. nuclear bases are readying themselves for missile deployment [leads to #406]

#400 [An International Incident] Insurgents Resurgence
1. 'Coloniser-in-Chief' has become @@LEADER@@'s new moniker [leads to #405]
2. the armed forces have designated 'murder teams' that root out rebels in Brasilistan [leads to #402]
3. innocent civilians in Brasilistan are evacuating the country after rumours a nuclear strike is imminent [leads to #406]

#401 [An International Incident] What's the WA Gonna Do, Anyway?
1. military chiefs pretend they're not at home when foreign governments call [leads to #402]
2. 'Shoot the Villager' has become a popular pastime in the nation's armed forces [leads to #403]
3. the manufacturing and stockpiling of nuclear weapons is on the increase [leads to #406]

#402 [An International Incident] They Surrendered... Now What?
1. captured Brasilistani POWs are staying in 5-star hotels [end chain]
2. even the family pets of Brasilistani insurgents are being put down [leads to #403]
3. soldiers in Brasilistan are reported to be AWOL as @@NAME@@ prepares to bomb the nation [leads to #406]

#403 [An International Incident] We Done Killing Yet?
1. anyone found to be unemployed is shipped off to Brasilistan with a gun and a spade [leads to #405]
2. the entire nation of Brasilistan has been designated as a nuclear testing site [leads to #406]

#404 404 Issue Not Found
1. politicians accost strangers in the street to ask their problems
2. the government is overcome with ennui
3. the government has awarded itself a month-long holiday to celebrate its achievements

#405 [An International Incident] Time for a Colonyoscopy!
1. the nation has gained millions of new citizens overnight [end chain]
2. Brasilistanis face layers of paperwork in a different language just to visit a doctor [end chain]
3. "To Hell or to Marshland" is a common settler cry directed at native Brasilistanis [end chain]
4. Brasilistan is being evacuated after its designation as 'Test Zone 1 - Nuclear' [leads to #406]

#406 [An International Incident] It's the Final Countdown
1. the nation is weighing the price of victory following a nuclear strike [leads to #407]

#407 [An International Incident] Brasilistan Go Boom

#408 Easter Egg: Pony Peril
1. ponies are brutally murdered before being left to rot (@@EGG@@)
2. pony-derived products are greasing the wheels of industry (@@EGG@@)
3. ponies working in the nation's salt mines have a life expectancy of weeks (@@EGG@@)
4. young girls who ask their parents for a pony are routinely lobotomised (@@EGG@@)

#409 Water Palaver [used to be "Chasing the Dragon"]
1. the nation thirsts for new freedoms [used to be "the nation has a counterculture of sobriety"]
2. the state funds the recreational drug habits of every citizen
3. political loyalty is enforced by way of chemical addiction
4. the national water supply has entered detox

#410 12 Angry, Tired, and Increasingly Confused Men
1. extraordinary tribunals try accused financial criminals
2. judges are all-powerful
3. listless juries are assembled for the simplest of court cases

#411 Outed Teacher Ousted
1. the letters L, G, and B must never be grouped together
2. discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation is illegal
3. prudishness is on the way out

#412 The Magic (Of Advertising!) School Bus
1. the education system is being cleansed of all corporate influence
2. chalkboards are replaced with billboards in the classroom

#413 A Shot in the Arm
1. thousands of children die every day from easily curable illnesses [leads to #658]
2. vaccinations are mandatory
3. parents who refuse to vaccinate their children are given a short jail sentence
4. science centers and state of the art laboratories are ubiquitous

#414 Subpar Suburbs
1. town welcome signs list corporate sponsors
2. government crews work tirelessly to retake the suburbs from organized packs of raccoons
3. rundown towns are frequently sold to billionaires for their pet projects
4. towns that stop turning a profit are turned into animal sanctuaries

#415 Brain Pain on the Sports Plain
1. student athletes gaze forlornly at abandoned @@ANIMAL@@ball fields
2. concussed @@ANIMAL@@ball players cannot remember their lineup position
3. concussed @@ANIMAL@@ball players cannot remember their lineup position
4. disgruntled jocks are forced to play tetris for entertainment

#416 Prophet Margins
1. weathermen are being arrested for attempting to read the future
2. government officials go door-to-door educating about the dangers of pseudoscience
3. @@LEADER@@ is refusing to make decisions until the Moon is out of Capricorn
4. oracles predict landslide victories for @@LEADER@@ for the next 50 years

#417 Hush... Hush, Sweet Charlotte
1. @@LEADER@@'s former secretary was last sighted on her new yacht
2. @@LEADER@@ claims to be the epitome of family values
3. saying "don't do anything that @@LEADER@@ wouldn't do" doesn't exclude a great deal [used to be "@@LEADER@@'s mistress is the belle at many state balls"]

#418 That Sinking Feeling
1. the Coast Guard is pioneering a quixotic program to train fish
2. drowning sailors are hung out to dry
3. tourist operators promise visitors tours of live burning shipwrecks and plane crash sites [used to be "tourism spikes whenever a major ship or plane is lost at sea"]

#419 RED Rover, RED Rover, Send Your Money Right Over!
1. the government spends more on chasing distant comets than on basic infrastructure
2. the nation has declared war on all passing comets
3. all transmission towers have been temporarily diverted in order to establish dialogue with a comet

#420 Caught Green Handed
1. many politicians are serving jail time for minor drug offenses
2. many politicians are in rehab for minor drug offenses
3. Maxtopian Grass flags adorn every college dorm room
4. politicians take citizens for idiots

#421 No Child Left Behind Enemy Lines
1. army uniforms are replaced en masse to accommodate adult soldiers
2. kitchen patrol is dominated by ten-year-old runts
3. assault rifles sized for 7-year-olds are a frighteningly popular export

#422 Wounded Veterans Demand a Helping Hand
1. the military is slashing spending on conventional arms and diverting it to spending on prosthetic arms
2. wounded veterans can only get prosthetics if they agree to become walking billboards for the arms industry
3. 90% of active duty @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@AF personnel have been laid off and replaced by robot kill-drones

#423 Returning Holy Warriors Cause Trouble
1. returning tourists and businessmen are detained without trial if they belong to the "wrong" religion
2. the government is ignoring the latest terrorist atrocities in @@CAPITAL@@ for fear of causing a fuss
3. randomly bombing neighboring countries has become the new national sport

#424 You Just Sank My Battleship!
1. the navy is chrome-plating its battleships to prevent rust
2. the military has forsaken terrestrial warfare
3. countless government officials are accused of espionage
4. veterans are directed into environmental cleanup operations

#425 Teach Your Farmers Well
1. even the nation's brussel sprouts are delicious and nutritious
2. the Farmer's Almanac is the most popular college textbook
3. bleach is the nation's most common pesticide
4. children's toy tractors have been seized as state property

#426 Women in Uniform Under Fire
1. the military has declared that 'a woman's place is in the mess hall'
2. the military recognizes no difference between male and female soldiers
3. women are ordered home to reproduce for the glory of the @@TYPE@@
4. video clips of women firing guns are increasingly popular [used to be "matriarchy has replaced patriarchy in all spheres of life"]

#427 They Took Our Gubment!
1. candidates for public office painstakingly research their family trees to ensure their eligibility
2. the majority of @@NAME@@'s traffic wardens have been sacked overnight
3. the Smalltopian embassy doubles as an electoral campaign headquarters

#428 Crop Circles Clutter @@CAPITAL@@
1. crop circles are intently studied by investigators with questionable merits
2. forecasts predict rains of loose lead and mortar shells for the next six weeks
3. it is a crime to operate a combine harvester while intoxicated

#429 No Representation Without Taxation?
1. tax assessment offices double as polling stations
2. government employees cannot vote for the policies they have to implement
3. factories grind to a halt every time there is an election
4. the well-off can quite literally buy extra votes

#430 Easter Egg: Please, Sir, We Want Some More Issues
1. player-submitted issues are printed just so they can be burned by [violet] (@@EGG@@)
2. it is universally agreed that the first 31 issues are the only ones with humor and charm (@@EGG@@)
3. aspiring authors begrudgingly help proofread issue submissions (@@EGG@@)
4. players panic as they discover the newest chain can reset their populations and even delete their nations (@@EGG@@)
5. common misteaks slip threw as the Issues Editing Team adds issues by the hundread (@@EGG@@)
6. red text rains down on the head of anyone who dares to step out of line (@@EGG@@)

#431 Gone a Stray!
1. shelters struggle to keep up with the endless intake of stray animals
2. mandatory neutering has made purebred dogs a thing of the past
3. animal control is going door-to-door releasing all pets back into the wild
4. Jack Russells have proven to be terrible spies
5. one lone government employee can be seen hunting for the elusive stray white dog [leads to #1112]

#432 Children in the Lead?
1. tabloids coo over @@LEADER@@'s expected child
2. the nation is proudly the least fertile in @@REGION@@
3. @@LEADER@@ panders to nontraditional families

#433 The Worst Storm to Hit @@NAME@@ Since...Yesterday?
1. even doll houses and dog kennels have to be able to withstand rigorous earthquake testing
2. electricity company executives pray nightly to Zeus and Thor
3. the attempt to control the weather has ended in environmental disaster [used to be "government departments are almost broke due to the diversion of their funding to an experimental weather machine"]
4. cruise liners are being requisitioned and filled with zoo animals as @@NAME@@ braces for "Le Grand Deluge"
5. package deals offer tourists the chance to visit the frozen remains of the previous tour group

#434 Fraternity Furor
1. fraternities are notorious for drunken hooliganism
2. public intoxication has decreased ever since fraternities were banned
3. fraternities are notoriously exclusive
4. moonshine and organized crime are on the rise ever since alcohol was banned

#435 A Working Class Hero Is Something to Be
1. exceptionally talented workers are praised more than Revolutionary heroes
2. every worker receives exactly the same pay regardless of productivity
3. it is impossible to get any work done as auditors swarm every inch of government factories and mines

#436 Voters, Place Your Bets!
1. politicians and casino owners who so much as wander into the same room are arrested on the spot
2. polling place volunteers are suddenly opening a huge number of offshore bank accounts
3. popular candidates who don't suffer last-second political scandals tend to get fished out of the @@CAPITAL@@ River

#437 Blue Screen of Economic Death
1. citizens queue to get the reinstated bank notes and coins
2. tourists avoid using the nation's bugged phones and monitored internet
3. the Treasury and Finance Ministry have been outsourced
4. necklace theft is the nation's fastest-growing crime

#438 Judicial Review on Trial
1. copies of the constitution are used as toilet paper
2. political gridlock ensues as even the most innocuous legislation is vetoed by the Supreme Court for potential civil rights violations

#439 The Law of Exodus
1. census workers are having a hard time figuring out who is actually living in @@NAME@@ after the ban on emigration was lifted
2. minefields are being deployed along the border to discourage potential emigrants from trying to leave
3. emigrants arrive on foreign shores with nothing but pocket sand
4. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have been enjoying a recent boost in civil rights as the government continues to clamp down on emigration

#440 Jumping the Sharknado
1. cinemas play art-house movies to ever-shrinking audiences as film critics rule the industry
2. tax-payers are funding ever more extravagant movie projects
3. 'Police Academy 36' and 'Sharknados On A Plane' are vying for top spot at the box-office

#441 You've Got a Friend in Bee
1. there has been a rapid increase of noise complaints over the sound of buzzing bees
2. EpiPen sales have skyrocketed
3. foreign governments are looking into weaponizing the infamous @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ bee [leads to #627]
4. foreign governments are looking into weaponizing the infamous @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ bee [leads to #627]
5. the government takes agricultural advice from a wasp-themed superhero

#442 You Can't Always Get What You Squat
1. homeless people can be found sleeping on streets in front of unoccupied second homes
2. business owners return from long vacations to find their factories have been turned into homeless shelters
3. a performance of the hit musical "Mamma Tua" has been delayed after squatters were found sleeping in the orchestra pit

#443 Five Year Plans and New Deals
1. job opportunities abound in the Hole Recycling industry
2. strategic economic sectors are controlled by the state
3. prices fluctuate manically for no fathomable reason
4. Viagra factories are being converted to producing antimalarials for Bigtopian orphans

#444 Virtually Assured Destruction
1. the nation is committed to nuclear rearmament
2. the government nonchalantly sells old nukes to other countries
3. entire provinces are populated solely by nuclear missile technicians and military police
4. the nation has dismantled its entire WMD arsenal

#445 Evasive Maneuvers
1. corporations claim the third ounce of any metal traded in a wicker-cone on the Sunday of a full moon as a charitable expense
2. companies flee the nation rather than pay their fair share of taxes
3. corporate lawyers are joyfully combing through the new tax code for any new loopholes for their clients

#446 In the Land of Milk and Money?
1. late night adverts for breast milk co-ops regularly win pornography industry awards
2. breast milk is being redistributed from each according to their ability to each according to their need
3. breast milk lattes are the newest fad among hip urbanites
4. prohibition has allowed a Maxtopian immigrant known only as "Nipples" to establish an illicit breast milk syndicate

#447 Honey, We Hung the Parliament
1. political candidates are regularly blocked for minor convictions from their teenage years
2. the new coalition government is so large nobody knows where it begins
3. politicians demand do-overs when they don't agree with election outcomes
4. late night talk show hosts are having a field day over @@LEADER@@'s questionably sane new coalition partners

#448 It Takes a Village
1. the government frequently panders to parents with boutique tax credits
2. parents who fail mandatory parenting classes risk having their children taken away
3. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Babysitters Club has proven to be a huge relief to stressed-out parents across the nation
4. the government has completely eliminated all childcare programs
5. the only position a woman can hold is baby-maker

#449 A Big Fracking Problem
1. pollution is on the rise along with government approvals of fracking projects
2. pollution is on the rise along with government approvals of fracking projects
3. drills and shovels have been banned as the government cracks down on any means of fracking
4. @@ANIMAL@@ sanctuaries have been taken over by hydraulic fracturing sites

#450 Colonial Testimonial
1. colonial citizens are forced to sing the praise of the "Great @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Liberator"
2. school history books often refer to @@LEADER@@ as "that imperialist pig dog"
3. citizens can't decide whether to be proud or horrified by the country's colonial history

#451 A Proselyte to Burn
1. the "fire department" is often called to remove offensive religious texts
2. the nation's new religious police burn blasphemers on bonfires of their own books
3. blasphemers and government critics often die in very unusual and unlikely accidents
4. books are so highly regarded in @@NAME@@ that libraries are often revered as holy shrines

#452 Foetal Furore
1. police escort anti-abortion activists to free speech cages if they try to express their views
2. pro-life activists often lecture pregnant women undergoing routine prenatal screening
3. the travel industry is booming as pregnant women book tickets for "weekend trips" overseas
4. preachers and little old ladies disappear from their homes at night and are never heard from again

#453 Parliamentary Playground
1. @@NAMEINITIALS@@-SPAN viewership drops as MPs act their age
2. sleazy politicians exploit the Parliamentary Code of Conduct to purge their rivals
3. the nation is known abroad mostly for its Parliamentary antics
4. @@NAMEINITIALS@@-SPAN features senators wrestling with ever-increasing production elements

#454 Don't Stead on Me!
1. hordes of gardening enthusiasts are being banished from cities nationwide
2. chickens roam the streets freely
3. the rich tend their gardens inside gated urban farming communities
4. food imports have skyrocketed after the recent 'Forage for Food' program severely backfired [leads to #460]

#455 Police on Overkill Mode?
1. veteran cops reminisce over their heavy armor days
2. the police use sound cannons and mortars to deal with loud parties
3. sections of the police receive paramilitary training
4. the nation is under martial law

#456 Heads Will Roll
1. biker gangs and fashionistas are converting to Violetism en masse
2. biker gangs and fashionistas are converting to the Tranquility of Yellow en masse
3. stylish juvenile delinquents are highly overrepresented in fatal motorcycle accidents
4. motorcycle riders are required to wear so much gear they've been nicknamed "Stay Pufts"
5. hairdressers are forced to use all the tricks of the trade after citizens became required to wear helmets at all times
6. hairdressers are forced to use all the tricks of the trade after citizens became required to wear helmets at all times

#457 Colossus With Feet of Clay
1. tourists flock to see the giant stone carvings of historical leaders at Mount Rushless
2. the giant 80-storey carving of @@LEADER@@ in Mount Rushless can be seen from space
3. tourists are forbidden to enter Native @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ lands
4. suburban backyards are seized by the government and turned into national parks

#458 Bigtopian Lives Matter
1. unpopular cops are fired at a moment's notice by the citizens they police
2. the police insist that racism does not exist
3. officer recruitment and police brutality have reached an all-time high

#459 Murder, He Shouted!
1. major corporations receive tax breaks for no apparent reason
2. @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ facilities are being turned into @@ANIMAL@@ habitats
3. the government is spending millions on lawyers' fees trying to get @@LEADER@@ off a murder charge
4. movie references are legally admissible in court

#460 Salt of the Earth
1. the looming peasant rebellion has been called off after farming was legalized
2. the nation subsists off of the minimal number of farms imaginable
3. the nation's solution to the ongoing famine is to lock up anyone who mentions the famine
4. the nation's solution to the ongoing famine is to silence anyone who mentions the famine

#461 If at First You Don't Succeed...
1. the leaders of @@NAME@@ are given the nod by their predecessors
2. some @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have nicknamed the monarch "Caligula" [used to be "@@LEADER@@'s family is riven by conflict as they fight over the succession"]
3. the monarch's main official duty is christening ships
4. a wide-ranging purge of leading officials and family members is being carried out by @@LEADER@@
5. the health budget has been diverted into prolonging @@LEADER@@'s life [used to be "the entire health budget has been diverted into prolonging @@LEADER@@'s life"]
6. @@LEADER@@ has been declared supreme ruler for all eternity
7. @@NAME@@ has taken the radical step of electing its future leaders

#462 Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me
1. disadvantaged neighbourhoods have become no-go areas after sundown
2. the installation of street lights across remote goat tracks has left citizens bemused
3. astronomers are flocking to @@NAME@@ to take advantage of its clear night skies
4. the native owl population is in permanent hibernation

#463 Smart Cars Driving Regulators Up the Wall
1. self-driving cars are unpopular due to suspicion that they murder their passengers
2. self-driving cars occasionally mow down pedestrians to avoid inconveniencing passengers
3. self-driving cars obey the road rules even during emergencies
4. self-driving cars have been banned

#464 The @@ANIMAL@@ Republic Shall Rise Again?
1. government buildings are being cleansed of anything that might have racist connotations
2. the country routinely whitewashes uncomfortable parts of its history
3. being impolite in public is punishable by heavy fines
4. the government has embraced apartheid

#465 Lottocracy Causing Lots of Trouble
1. a TV celebrity dominates the nation's newest democratic political party
2. a three-year-old has been selected to run the civil service
3. votes of no confidence regularly remove unwanted MPs

#466 @@NAME@@ Is Never Ever Getting Back Together... Like Ever
1. the military patrols the streets in search of possible secessionists
2. political dissidents are cut off from essential services
3. the government is allowing greater autonomy for some regions in the hopes of quelling growing secessionist movements
4. the country has essentially become @@POPULATION@@ nations within a nation

#467 Saving Your Own Foreskin
1. back-alley circumcision clinics are popping up all over the nation
2. bris parties are all the rage [leads to #1250]
3. teenagers performing appendectomies on their friends has become a popular schoolyard prank
4. getting a haircut is a punishable offence

#468 Selling @@NAME@@ Down the River?
1. unemployed mercenaries drift the country looking for new careers
2. Blueriver mercenaries routinely do the army's dirty work
3. foreign governments regularly accuse the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ military of war crimes
4. the 'maybe not shock and awe' foreign policy initiative is showing promise

#469 Shoot to Earn
1. the newly revamped army is so eager for action that it has trouble keeping the peace
2. the nation is known as the cheapskates of @@REGION@@
3. the nation's peacekeeping efforts usually come with a healthy dose of pillaging

#470 Tide Stops for No Man
1. scenic beaches are now protected by massive concrete walls
2. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Tourism Bureau has described the abolition of coastal defences as a "kick to the groyne"
3. the logging industry is celebrating as tourists plaster @@NAME@@ with trees
4. the government spends twice as much reclaiming lost settlements from the sea as it could've on coastal defences [leads to #1060]

#471 Easter Egg: Red Sleigh Down
1. children across @@NAME@@ are mourning the loss of Santa Claus after the military shot down his sleigh (@@EGG@@)
2. the government is lax about national security during the Christmas period (@@EGG@@)
3. Rudolph has been put down after fears he had foot-and-mouth disease (@@EGG@@)
4. Santa is trading presents for smokes while awaiting sentencing for crimes against humanity (@@EGG@@)
5. homeowners often burn Christmas trees just to stay warm (@@EGG@@)
6. smog covers @@CAPITAL@@ as the populace burns record amounts of coal (@@EGG@@)

#472 Rise of the Machines
1. only AIs know why the nation is rapidly increasing its semiconductor stockpile
2. only AIs know why the nation is rapidly increasing its semiconductor stockpile
3. economic planning is exalted as a human art form
4. artificial intelligences seeking exciting work are overcome with ennui
5. the populace has a pathological fear of computers more advanced than pocket calculators

#473 A-B-C, Easy as Don't Use Me
1. the nation's laws on image rights are amongst the strictest in the world
2. matryoshka dolls resembling nested Death Stars are commonly sold
3. children are expected to carve their own toys

#474 Mesozoic Park
1. sexually-starved male dinosaurs terrorise tourists during weekly breakouts from Mesozoic Park
2. mathematicians are hated by children across the country
3. idyllic countryside scenes see border collies herding sixty-ton dinosaurs
4. local councils have to call in dump trucks to clear parks of dinosaur droppings

#475 Where Have All the Flowers Gone?
1. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ political exiles populate the near abroad
2. penal labor is a de facto death sentence
3. firing squads regularly execute dissidents
4. protest songs are the nation's de facto anthems

#476 A Farewell to Raised Arms?
1. the new iVote app allows representatives to vote on legislation by launching ill-tempered birds and matching candies
2. village elders are often called in to interpret voting outcomes in Parliament
3. bored politicians often entertain themselves with games of Simon during important votes
4. politicians are forced to vote with their party leaders

#477 Feeding Frenzy
1. school children across the country are staging hunger strikes to protest government-mandated salads
2. children use fake IDs to purchase candy
3. meals are now followed by thirty minutes of mandatory exercise
4. heart attacks are regarded as a coming of age ritual

#478 The Show Must Go On
1. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Arts Council pays teenagers to sit through opera performances
2. teens are voting on which C-List pop star will be next to be evicted from the opera house
3. mournful opera fans place bouquets of roses at a 3000 capacity parking lot

#479 @@LEADER@@, Put on the Yellow Light
1. tardiness has increased after carpooling was classified as a criminal offense
2. @@CAPITAL@@'s iconic yellow taxis are nowhere to be seen
3. unemployed taxi drivers ironically use self-driving cabs to reach employment offices
4. conspiracy theorists allege @@CAPITAL@@'s new subway map resembles Satanic symbols

#480 One Nation's Trash Is Another Nation's Trash
1. landfills fill the land
2. the government is trying to clean up all the rubbish that has washed up on the shores of Bigtopia and Marche Noire
3. barges of dissidents are being "reeducated through water therapy" in the South @@ANIMAL@@ Sea
4. game show contestants scramble to fish trash out of the South @@ANIMAL@@ Sea

#481 Social Equality Reaching Embarrassing Levels
1. @@LEADER@@ shrugs in the face of growing inequalities
2. the universal wage level is set by dividing GDP by the number of citizens
3. @@LEADER@@'s new socialist government gets its policy advice from teenagers
4. @@LEADER@@'s new political program is often mockingly called 'Capitalism with a Bigtopian face'
5. occupational wage levels are based on a crumpled napkin authored by a legendary @@CAPITAL@@ bus driver

#482 Whose Fault Is It Anyways?
1. acrimonious legal battles result during divorce proceedings
2. government-funded marriage counseling is showing very limited success
3. long-wed spouses often regret proposals they made when they were twenty
4. long-wed spouses often regret proposals they made when they were twenty
5. mandatory spouse selection pairs elderly apparatchiki with stunningly beautiful supermodels

#483 Do You Want Fries With That?
1. a historic rise in the minimum wage has crushed the economy with inflation
2. labour strikes are routinely squashed by police
3. all restaurants close before dinner time
4. pizza parlors have been replaced by lima bean cafes [used to be "fast food has been prohibited in favour of expensive health and luxury foods"]

#484 Patriot or Patri-Not?
1. school children are forced to sing the national anthem every morning
2. school children are forced to sing the national anthem every morning
3. citizens who don't attend the nation's massive military parades tend to disappear overnight
4. political satirists and late night comedians weep as the government begins cleaning up its act
5. the nation is so apathetic that @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ can barely find the energy to bring new issues to the government

#485 Really Real eSports Tournament
1. the government is a proud sponsor of the National Gaming Association
2. Super Barry Brothers is the most popular video game in the nation
3. young adults are stepping outside for the first time in ages after video games were recently banned
4. all gamers have been drafted into the military despite their lack of upper body strength

#486 An Impressing Dilemma
1. confused drunks wake up to irate drill sergeants whipping them into shape
2. the army lures cannon fodder with promises of a college education
3. half the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Army consists of Brasilistani contractors
4. the Army mostly consists of colonial subjects
5. new vat-grown soldiers are as replaceable as bullets

#487 Masks of Shame
1. country folk are sent to obligatory boarding schools to learn how to be civilized
2. gossip magazines have been replaced by mask catalogs
3. public shaming is the bedrock of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ society

#488 Bright Orange Is the New Black
1. gun regulations are so strict even staple guns and hot glue guns are illegal
2. gun regulations are so strict even staple guns and hot glue guns are illegal
3. children have lost interest in toy guns in favor of toy meth lab kits
4. children have lost interest in toy guns in favor of toy meth lab kits
5. games of cops and robbers typically end in at least one fatal shooting

#489 Standing at Attention
1. the army insists there is nothing gay about men in uniforms rolling in the mud
2. good-looking soldier boys have celebrity status amongst the nation's homosexuals
3. the army spends more time producing 'romantic videos' than actually training soldiers
4. handsome young men are forced into uniforms by their dominant elders
5. people find it hard to relate to soldiers because of the dehumanising masks they wear

#490 The Long and Winding Halls of @@CAPITAL@@
1. auditors are gutting every governmental department [leads to #370]
2. the government regularly publishes lengthy reports on its own excessive recordkeeping
3. groups of government workers are declared protected tribes if they venture too deep into the Capitol

#491 Friends, @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@, Countrymen, Lend Me Your Ears
1. people who have lived their entire lives in @@NAME@@ are shocked to discover that they are not citizens
2. census workers struggle to account for the rapidly increasing number of citizens to tabulate [leads to #990]
3. the citizenship exam requires years of study to actually pass [leads to #1360]

#492 The Artwork in the Attic
1. Maxtopian tourists make expensive pilgrimages to @@CAPITAL@@ to enjoy their national art
2. rare art has become a significant factor in negotiating all foreign trade agreements
3. priceless Maxtopian artwork can often be found in executive bathrooms

#493 Suspicious Superhuman Athletes?
1. invasive drug testing is now performed at elementary school sports days
2. the government has certified several glow-in-the-dark athletes as drug free
3. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ athletes are close to breaking the 2 minute mile and the 16 meter long jump
4. many @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ struggle to find outlets for their pent-up competitive juices

#494 Whipping Up a Controversy
1. whipping posts and lashes have been transferred to the Historical Museum of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Embarrassments
2. jaywalking is punishable by public flogging

#495 Beloved "Planet" Has Gone to the Dogs
1. academics are questioning the quality of the nation's newly-reprinted science textbooks
2. the government is spending billions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ on a fancy space probe to find a planet that may not even exist
3. the nation's leading climatologists are investigating animal flatulence in efforts to reduce methane emissions

#496 Rock 'n' Roll Suicide
1. every workday begins with group therapy
2. attempted suicide is punishable by public hanging
3. the government's suicide hotline now redirects callers to local tax lawyers
4. the government is rumored to hire body doubles whose full-time jobs are to cry at public events

#497 The Widening Gyre
1. the once prosperous capital is in utter decline
2. virtually all of the country's economic activity takes place in @@CAPITAL@@
3. city-dwellers are forcibly moved to farming communes in the countryside

#498 Computer Says No
1. government officials frown on anything more technologically advanced than an abacus
2. the road to capitalism has proved an epic drama of adventure and exploration
3. the government's economic policy can be summed up as "Abort, Retry, Fail?"

#499 The Genetics of Aesthetics
1. relationships often break down when doctors tell couples they are genetically incompatible
2. the newest generation of @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are nearly clone-like in appearance
3. the police are reluctantly destroying millions of DNA records

#500 Please Don't Feed the (Copyright) Trolls
1. Merry Birthday is a popular protest song despite the risk of fines and royalty dues
2. the constant playing of Merry Birthday on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ radio has led to calls for the song to be classified as a crime against humanity
3. NationStates is now a popular brand of laxatives despite Max Barry's protests
4. the most popular WhoTube videos are ones featuring parodies of iconic songs

#501 Munchkins in Makeup
1. school plays were recently banned due to concerns of child endangerment
2. a girl's success in life is often linked to her performance in beauty pageants
3. children regularly take part in blood sports that result in extreme boo-boos

#502 Scientists Declare That @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ Are Persons
1. animal liberationists receive government funding to break into animal research labs
2. children often kick @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ for amusement
3. children often kick @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ for amusement
4. the new @@ANIMAL@@ Supremacy Party is faring well in the polls [leads to #1096]
5. the new @@ANIMAL@@ Supremacy Party is faring well in the polls [leads to #1096]

#503 @@LEADER@@, Tear Down This Door!
1. @@LEADER@@'s exquisite office door is replaced monthly due to angry petitioners
2. petitioners are increasingly resorting to climbing through @@LEADER@@'s window to draw attention to their issues
3. trespassers entering @@LEADER@@'s office are immediately vaporized
4. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ must literally pay their respects to hear from their political representatives
5. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ must literally pay their respects to hear from their political representatives
6. in a baffling press conference @@LEADER@@ proudly dismantled a broken door

#504 Short Shorts Too Short?
1. high school boys are required to pass vigorous self-mastery and sensitivity training to graduate
2. teenage girls in knee-length surfer shorts have become a cultural icon of @@NAME@@
3. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ schoolgirl uniforms have become alarmingly popular outside @@NAME@@
4. young girls and senior citizens alike can be spotted wearing colourful short shorts

#505 Florists Blooming Mad
1. the nation's once beautiful countryside has turned brown as farmers spray potent pesticides
2. criminals and college students are taking an interest in the government's new weed-killing program
3. visions of giant pink @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ are a common side effect after @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ eat their meals
4. Maxtopians are both starving and giddy after the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ military unleashed its biological weapons

#506 It's Official: "I Do" Does Do It
1. every conceivable scenic location has been completely booked by couples desperate to marry
2. children in school learn that marriage and slavery go hand in hand
3. couples wishing to marry spend months at the circus trying to learn acrobatics

#507 Would a Rochebaron by Any Other Name Smell Just as Sweet?
1. the lactose-intolerant are force-fed cheese products with predictably gassy results
2. the government has declared victoria over the cheese menace
3. there is an abondance of ackawi and zartschmelzend in every @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ grocery store

#508 Ex-Cons Robbed of Future
1. former arsonists can be found on local fire brigades
2. jaywalkers are condemned to lives of poverty for their heinous crimes
3. many aides in @@LEADER@@'s office are known to be serial jaywalkers
4. business owners who refuse to hire ex-cons often wake up with @@A@@ @@ANIMAL@@'s head in their bed

#509 It Was Asbestos Times, It Was the Worst of Times
1. citizens are abandoning their homes en masse in a widespread panic over asbestos
2. new cases of Asbestosis are cropping up as quickly as hospitals can deal with them
3. hammering a nail into a wall is an effective death sentence

#510 Possession, Protection or Poppycock?
1. tie-dye has been outlawed for being 'too occult'
2. children fear compulsory visits to their spiritual advisors more than the dentist
3. turning eighteen is often referred to as the 'Age of Aquarius'

#511 Dogman Deconstructed
1. trick-or-treaters and circus clowns have been arrested under suspicion of being renegade vigilantes
2. arms manufacturers and mild-mannered journalists have been outed as superheroes [leads to #1188]
3. high school career advisors advise belligerent loners to consider vigilantism [leads to #1188]
4. sales of superhero insurance have skyrocketed after the government abandoned the police in favor of vigilantes [leads to #1188]
5. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Gladiators is a ratings success
6. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Gladiators is a ratings success

#512 Furnished for Failure
1. clumsy self-injury is a viable claim in modern compensation culture
2. a mountain of discarded sofas and beds is incinerated every day
3. the nation's reinforced coffee tables are constructed to survive an atomic blast
4. personal injury lawyers are demanding compensation from the government after recent reductions in manufacturer liability

#513 Something Wickered This Way Comes
1. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ basket weaving sector is on the brink of collapse as cheap imports flood the market
2. vacationing hippies and old ladies are regularly arrested for bringing back contraband basketry
3. heavily subsidised @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ baskets litter the streets of @@REGION@@
4. heavily subsidised @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ baskets litter the streets of @@REGION@@

#514 Contract Killer [used to be "A Pound of Flesh"]
1. murder is sanctioned if the legal paperwork is filled out correctly
2. legal contracts aren't worth the paper they're written on
3. the law is more interested in punishing crime than preventing it
4. weight loss clubs that guarantee losing a stone a month are talking about misplacing rocks

#515 Little Green Men
1. the military is vetting the political loyalties of its remaining officers
2. entire provinces are being suppressed for collectively "planning terrorist attacks"
3. Maxtopians dominate the nation's military hierarchy
4. the government refuses to transmit electricity to secessionist regions

#516 Sex Education Too Sexy, Say Parents
1. young adults still believe that @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ deliver newborns to expecting parents
2. sex education has become an intricate maze of stick figures and complex metaphors
3. Thomas the Spank Engine is the most popular and controversial children's show in the nation

#517 Gallery in Need of a Renaissance
1. an exhibition on @@ANIMAL@@ memes is currently starring at the National Art Gallery
2. the National Art Gallery's newest exhibit is the 500-year-old Luna Lisa
3. the government has forked out millions on an unmade bed that is apparently East Lebatuckese "art"
4. the nation's entire cultural heritage is being auctioned off to the rich

#518 Face Lift
1. artists from across the nation compete to renovate the restrooms of old government buildings
2. directors of low-budget sci-fi films are flocking to use @@CAPITAL@@ as a backdrop
3. the nation's government buildings are remarkable for being ugly concrete boxes
4. @@CAPITAL@@ has become the number one destination for urban exploration in @@REGION@@

#519 School's Out (Of Control)
1. schoolchildren learn basic numeracy by counting off their push-ups
2. schools offer a range of lessons in subjects as diverse as The Economics of Bullying for Lunch Money
3. teenagers can't decide if they're more embarrassed by their parents or the country's leader
4. children often leave school with more diagnoses than qualifications

#520 Preach With Me if You Want to Live
1. the last thing @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ soldiers hear before charging into battle is a preacher trying to convert them
2. the military has declared war on all religious influence
3. military units are often seen arguing over which one is truly favored by the gods
4. the military's primary weapons are fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and a fanatical devotion to @@FAITH@@

#521 The Wreck of the Edward Fitzpatrick
1. freighter lifeboats have been replaced by state of the art marker buoys so divers can recover the cargo after they sink
2. the average cargo freighter spends more than half its service life undergoing safety inspections
3. model railroad hobbyists have taken to muscling model shipbuilders off their "turf"
4. folk singers have replaced personal injury lawyers in being ridiculed as "ambulance chasers"
5. meteorologists are instantly recognizable from their luxury cars and jewelry

#522 Time to Get Serious
1. business meetings across the country are interrupted by the sound of squeaking whoopee-cushions
2. maintaining economic growth is no laughing matter
3. it turns out that money can buy you happiness
4. smiling in public is seen as criminally suspicious behaviour
5. students memorise knock-knock jokes for their mandatory twice-a-term Comedy Examinations

#523 A Family Affair
1. research grant proposals read like political diatribes
2. troublemakers just happen to be reassigned to distant mining operations
3. government-sanctioned speed mating is rife with Party-sanctioned abuse of power

#524 Something Is Rotten in the State of @@NAME@@
1. rural communities are all but disenfranchised as politicians focus all their attention on winning the deciding urban votes
2. the new coalition government has 99 problems and can't agree on how to fix one
3. decaying farm hamlets have twice the representation of major urban areas
4. excessive gerrymandering has earned @@NAME@@ the nickname 'The Democratic Dictatorship'

#525 Nowhere to Go!
1. builders across @@NAME@@ are blocked up with orders for new public loos
2. @@A@@ @@REGION@@ Tourist Association survey has rated @@NAME@@ #1 for number twos
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have replaced bears in a popular idiom

#526 Any Idea Where the Law Is, Bessie?
1. rural citizens live in terror of their local village constable
2. motorway service stations often have a higher population than the hinterland villages that the roads lead to
3. illegal moonshine operations get taken out with laser-guided airstrikes
4. farmers' market days almost always end in a shooting

#527 The Body Politic
1. cities in @@NAME@@ declare independence based on interpretation of the historic meaning of cave paintings
2. royalist is the most offensive slur in the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ language
3. royalist is the most offensive slur in the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ language
4. royalist is the most offensive slur in the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ language
5. city budgets are spent entirely on supporting the town royalty
6. city budgets are spent entirely on supporting the town royalty

#528 Privacy Concerns Reaching New Heights
1. belligerent citizens shoot at passing clouds for 'violating their airspace'
2. crossbow bolts fill the skies if so much as a sparrow flies overhead
3. citizens have to dodge their neighbors' drones while getting the morning paper
4. geosynchronous satellites are now manned by unpaid interns
5. police drones follow every suspected Peeping Tom

#529 Attack of the Attack Ads
1. the nation's politicians are acknowledged as the most polite in the region to the dismay of comedians everywhere
2. elections are won by the candidate who makes the best 'yo mama' jokes
3. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ politics is literally a blood sport

#530 Regenerative Permaculture Emergence
1. @@CAPITAL@@'s main city thoroughfare has been blocked by a row of leyland cypresses that mysteriously appeared overnight
2. possession of tomato seeds with intent to garden is a criminal offence
3. possession of tomato seeds with intent to garden is a criminal offence
4. carrots are orange, apples are red and food waste is increasing

#531 Lèse Majesté Maladies
1. anyone who so much as looks at Royalty without the proper amount of deference is punished
2. anyone who so much as looks at Royalty without the proper amount of deference is jailed
3. the paparazzi publicize Royal scandals with the utmost delight

#532 Desert Island Risks
1. the tax agency is feared more than serial killers and terrorists
2. politicians' financial records are locked up tighter than the nation's @@CURRENCY@@ reserves
3. foreign investment has dropped to a trickle after laws were passed preventing investors from taking their earnings abroad
4. tourists often cite 'hiding money in an off-shore banking account' as their main reason to visit the nation

#533 Hearsay Heresy
1. old folks reminisce about the last time someone was acquitted of a crime
2. witnesses have to run a gauntlet of mob enforcers to testify at trials
3. the strong are acquitted and the weak are trampled in trial by @@A@@ @@ANIMAL@@

#534 Too Few Cooks in the Kitchen
1. election ballot papers are so long that unused ones are recycled as toilet roll
2. ratings for sitcom reruns are often much higher than election debates
3. the nation's latest batch of politicians include internet comedians, an alleged serial killer, and a highly trained @@ANIMAL@@
4. political candidates must be personally vetted by @@LEADER@@
5. the only things @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ vote on are cutest @@ANIMAL@@ competitions

#535 NationStates Destroys @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Economy
1. Max Barry finally has time for writing books after NationStates was recently outlawed
2. NationStates staff are easily recognizable by their gold-plated mansions
3. future leaders of @@NAME@@ regularly dismiss pressing political issues when available options don't conform to their worldview

#536 Any Witch Way Spells Disaster
1. women who can do math in their head are burned for witchcraft
2. bands of adventurers rove the countryside searching for monsters
3. young and brooding teens are welcomed with open arms to the Dogwarts School of Strangeness and Sorcery
4. no one believes anything until it has been strenuously tested and peer-reviewed

#537 Summary Injustice
1. jury selection begins with explaining what a jury is
2. the legal profession considers itself above the law
3. the number of judges has tripled in recent months

#538 @@LEADER@@, Let Your People Go!
1. over a third of the seats in sports stadiums have been removed to make room for female-only commodes
2. public incontinence is a growing problem amongst the nation's women
3. debates on whether toilet seats should be left up or down are increasingly commonplace
4. public urination is on the increase

#539 All My Bits Are Belong to You
1. the nation is infamous for its mass graves of discarded robots
2. @@LEADER@@'s new android secretary is the latest media darling
3. robosexual marriages are increasingly common
4. the nation has reverted back to an agrarian society after anything more advanced than the wheel was banned

#540 Shh! Spoilers!
1. spoiler warnings are now given out before political speeches
2. a recent political speech drew the ire of nerds everywhere after the speaker claimed that Darth Vader was Harry Potter's father
3. @@LEADER@@'s latest speech included a bizarre reference to MaxWow incontinence pads being 50% more absorbent than the next leading brand
4. drive-by spoilers are an increasingly common crime

#541 Spare the Whip, Spoil the Law
1. legislators toe the party line lest the Sergeant-at-Arms decide to conduct "truncheon practice" on the backbench
2. the legislature keeps promising "more study" of corruption allegations against the parliamentary whip system
3. party affiliation is just as irrelevant as campaign promises
4. the ruling party has a devil of a time keeping order in the ranks
5. opposition party MPs campaign shirtless to show off their numerous lash scars

#542 What a Waste
1. the lasting legacy of the current generation is a million years of buried radioactivity
2. with great power generation comes great responsibility
3. nuclear physics is the most popular course at university
4. global anti-terrorist organisations strongly suspect @@NAME@@ of supplying extremist groups

#543 Flash, Aaaaaargh!
1. adult magazines are having a sales resurgence as internet anonymity disappears
2. commuters often break into synchronised para-para dancing for no reason at all
3. sullen teenagers in bright orange 'community payback' onesies can be seen picking litter at the roadside
4. oddly patriotic flash mobs spontaneously sing the national anthem

#544 Object-Oriented Programming
1. videogames like 'Equalia: Knights of Self-Confidence' are proving inexplicably unpopular
2. teenage male videogamers often suffer repetitive strain wrist injuries
4. children play ring-around-the-rosey around bonfires of videogame cartridges

#545 Expats on the Electoral Roll?
1. election results are often delayed for weeks to count the expat votes
2. vacationers and business travelers are often warned that they may lose the right to vote if they spend too much time overseas

#546 Dumpster Divers Dividing Denizens
1. nighttime sightings of raccoons sporting Circle-A patches and bandanna masks are on the rise
2. giant no-kill traps baited with Bapst Red Ribbon and vintage bicycles have been popping up in back alleys nationwide
3. the Grinder at Fat Sal's Deli and Recycling Center is a national institution

#547 Fantastic Beasts and How @@NAME@@ Harmed Them
1. poaching has been on the rise after animals from the nation's zoos were released into the wild
2. whales in captivity live in little more than glorified goldfish bowls
3. whales in captivity live in little more than glorified goldfish bowls
4. the endangered saltwater humpback @@ANIMAL@@ is only seen in captivity programs

#548 Appointment of a Science Advisor
1. every new building project has to undergo a five-year environmental impact study before it can go ahead
2. every new toxic waste dump comes with a seal of approval from the government's science advisor
3. advertisements for jobs in the sciences run in fashion magazines
4. science labs across the country languish in cobwebs as the government turns its attentions to spiritual matters

#549 Feasting or Fasting?
1. hundreds of teenagers die every year at the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Hungry Games
2. teens reminisce about when birthdays weren't celebrated with a cool glass of cabbage juice and a slice of corn-cream topped millet cake
3. applications to enter seminaries spike right before the obligatory fasts
4. in its new More is More campaign the government advertises obese men and women posing coquettishly with baked goods to spare their blushes

#550 10 Awful Crimes You Just Won't Believe!
1. crime is on the rise as online youths compete to vlog the most shocking scenes of violence
2. church and state are inseparable in their influence on education
3. church and state are inseparable in their influence on education
4. educators and parents alike are allowing children to view the internet again after violent videos were purged
5. social media sites go into shutdown for days at a time to censor user content

#551 The Big Fat @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Wedding
1. the media have begun calling the government treasury "@@LEADER@@'s stash"
2. advertisers scramble to sponsor the broadcast of @@LEADER@@'s most personal functions
3. @@LEADER@@'s relatives have been married into the royal families of foreign nations against their will
4. the Finance Ministry posts hourly updates on where taxpayer money is spent

#552 Must Be a Full Moon
1. weird or unusual crimes merit cruel and unusual punishments
2. weird or unusual crimes merit cruel and unusual punishments
3. tourists visit @@NAME@@ to mass-moon @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ politicians
4. the bum of @@LEADER@@ has been voted the most recognisable in @@NAME@@

#553 Cede Our Seeds?
1. an epidemic of unpopped kernels causes movie goers to gnash their teeth
2. the new "Bloodbath" orange tree autonomously seeks and destroys independent orchards
3. eerie glow-in-the-dark cornfields give farmlands an uncanny appearance

#554 Welcome to --CENSORED--
1. a proud mining community is considering a rebellion after the Capital officially renamed them 'District XII'
2. town nameplates frequently raise giggles from passing tourists
3. the government is constantly producing new maps to accommodate the continual renaming of cities

#555 It's an Honor Just to Be Nominated!
1. passionate nomination battles are often as intense as general elections
2. political candidates recite daily pledges of loyalty to their chosen party
3. Propaganda and Partisanship 101 is a required class all political candidates must pass before being nominated by their chosen party
4. posters of politicians in sensual poses can be found on the walls of teenagers' rooms

#556 Here Be Dragons?
1. young children are learning advanced physics to scientifically disprove the existence of Santa Claus
2. young children are learning advanced physics to scientifically disprove the existence of Santa Claus
3. all fantasy fiction has officially been deemed non-canon
4. failed genetic experiments wreak havoc as they roam the countryside
5. government ministers claim to ride dragons to work

#557 Take a Hike!
1. search and rescue forces now accept cheques and all major credit cards
2. the hills are alive with the sound of ringtones
3. park rangers struggle to deal with a rash of stolen pic-a-nic baskets

#558 Turning a Blind Eye?
1. every week is blindness awareness week
2. blind dates tend to result in bruised shins
3. dining out often involves @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ on the plate no matter what you order

#559 The Low Aspiration Nation
1. fruit pickers with degrees in @@ANIMAL@@ psychology are a common sight
2. the average person needs three full-time jobs just to get by
3. the unemployed are quite literally sold to the highest bidder

#560 Bicameral Backlash
1. @@LEADER@@ has no checks and balances after the upper house was abolished [used to be "@@LEADER@@ has been nicknamed "the democratic dictator" after the upper house was abolished"]
2. @@LEADER@@'s power is effectively nullified as no bill becomes law without the upper house's support
3. snap elections are called over every minor impasse

#561 Plug in and Play
1. retail stores have reported mile-long lines after the ban on video games was lifted
2. children entertain themselves by throwing rocks through the windows of world-class museums
3. the nation's exceedingly polite children have often been referred to as "robots" by international media
4. Hide and Seek with Cuddle Bear is the most popular video game in the nation

#562 Return to Sender
1. international war crimes are good for business and business is booming
2. former strategic allies are threatening annihilation to @@NAME@@ for reneging on weapons supply contracts
3. international commentators accuse the nation of aggressive cultural imperialism

#563 Resistance Is Fertile
1. meat prices are soaring as the farming industry struggle under government-imposed restrictions
2. farm turkeys are given high doses of antidepressants to take their minds off the holiday season
3. chickens frolic freely on swings and roundabouts in @@CAPITAL@@'s playgrounds
4. subsidisation of Big Pharma has stopped many corporate executives from having to sell their second homes

#564 Do Good Intentions Make Good Samaritans?
1. claiming to have performed the Heimlich Maneuver is a popular defense for assault charges
2. children's books regularly feature formerly distressed damsels suing their princes
3. bands of paramedics walk the streets looking for suspicious medical activity

#565 'A' Is for Academic Doping
1. popular cartoon characters frequently appear in government-sponsored PSAs reminding students to say no to drugs
2. summer science camps are regularly raided by narcotics police
3. exam halls are littered with used needles and empty pill bottles
4. the nation's school children are fluent in Klingon but lack basic mathematical skills
5. exam halls are littered with used needles and empty pill bottles
6. the nation's school children are fluent in Klingon but lack basic mathematical skills

#566 Drive My Car
1. the police double as repo men
2. traffic cops spend most of their work-hours calculating citizens' monthly income
3. fire stations and hospitals can't deploy emergency vehicles because badly parked cars block them in

#567 Syntax Destruction
1. government reports are now used to teach toddlers to read
2. dictionary sales have hit an all-time high
3. when people ask what the difference is between politicians and lawyers they are referred to document c15(iv) section 14.1 subsection 3.2 of the Jan 2015 political category definition guidance codes

#568 Dismissal Denied!
1. citizens are deeply regretting challenging the government to be honest about its intentions
2. the government has pinkie-promised never to use its veto power except in an emergency
3. up to 40% of voters can finally read the issues they're deciding on
4. in a fit of passion @@LEADER@@ has shredded thirty years' worth of petitions

#569 Grand Prix de @@NAME@@?
1. crocodile roadkill is smeared across the asphalt of the new Formula One track
2. crocodile roadkill is smeared across the asphalt of the new Formula One track
3. annual Formula One races bring the capital to a screeching halt
4. the automobile industry is sitting up and taking notice of the new 24 hour race events... as are the track's sleepless neighbours
5. the automobile industry is sitting up and taking notice of the new 24 hour race events... as are the track's sleepless neighbours
6. @@LEADER@@ is adamant that ponies aren't just for little girls [leads to #952]

#570 Clerical Errors
1. @@FAITH@@ now admits men and women into its clergy
2. the clergy of @@FAITH@@ remains a single-sex institution
3. the government merely pays lip service to @@FAITH@@

#571 Family Feud
1. the nation's countrysides are littered with landmines due to ongoing family disputes
2. entire families swing in the wind at the national gallows
3. entire families are dragged into counseling whenever children fight on a playground
4. unruly families are deliberately marooned on desert islands

#572 Reading, Your Rights
1. nobody is allowed to stop the local daycare from reading Nietzsche to pre-schoolers
2. libraries are refusing to stock A Midsummer Night's Dream because it has an ass in it
3. modern readers say a story is worthless without hyperlinked footnotes and editable wiki format

#573 The Road to Blackacre Ends Here?
1. the nation turns a blind eye to human rights abuses in its quest for athletic supremacy
2. some @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ athletes have defected to Blackacre after being denied the chance to compete in international sporting events
3. a policy of plausible deniability helps protect the government from athletic doping scandals
4. the World @@TYPE@@ Games have been won again by @@NAME@@ as no other country cares enough to compete

#574 One Small Step for Private Enterprise?
1. the nation's interest in space is at an all-time high while interest in saving the planet is at an all-time low
2. kids building model rockets in their backyard are grounded by Space Agency Rangers
3. 'To Regulate And Beyond' is the unofficial motto of the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Space Agency
4. falling satellites are regarded as a blessing from the gods

#575 Sick Days for Sick Waves
1. victims of limb-mauling industrial accidents are told to keep working with their remaining hand
2. victims of limb-mauling industrial accidents are told to keep working with their remaining hand
3. sea side cafes are required by law to close during summer
4. board shorts have replaced board rooms
5. thalassophobia and heliophobia are on the rise

#576 Light at the End of the Tunnel
1. economic output is rising as the chronically depressed are persuaded not to burden society
2. doctors will keep brain-dead coma patients ventilated for years in order to avoid accusations of allowing people to die
3. children crying over dropped ice creams are offered high doses of experimental antidepressants
4. conspiracy nuts claim that the government is trying to bring about an end to civilisation

#577 Second World Problems
1. the cold war against capitalism is growing chillier by the day
2. an endless multinational bureaucracy connects the Red Bloc [leads to #1283]
3. international television adverts praise the nation as a worker's paradise
4. Party members are derided as class traitors

#578 Support Your Local Arms Manufacturer
1. politicians stage photo ops featuring barely functional fighter jets
2. fighter pilots crash out of the air after failing to understand their foreign instruction manuals
3. former arms manufacturing CEOs are now delivering food for minimum wage
4. weapons produced by newly nationalized armaments factories have been found to contain sawdust instead of gunpowder
5. weapons produced by newly nationalized armaments factories have been found to contain sawdust instead of gunpowder

#579 Real Handwriting Has Curves
1. urban graffiti is hand-calligraphed in perfectly kerned elegant fonts
2. signatures have been replaced with illegible scribbles
3. kids are exceptionally good at digging holes

#580 @@NAME@@ Taking Leave of Its Census?
1. the country's population is reported with a margin of error of several billions
2. no personal detail is too tiny for the suede-denim census police
3. the suicide rate mysteriously skyrockets during census years
4. according to the latest national census as many as two-thirds of the respondents possibly consider 'violet' their favorite color
5. only @@LEADER@@'s friends count in the eyes of the government

#581 Fair to Say...?
1. tech-mad citizens think that the laser-powered bread-slicer uPhone App is the coolest thing since sliced bread
2. intellectual snobbery has the cognoscenti sneering at anyone who doesn't have an opinion on the semiological drift of Umberto Eco's works
3. national chefs believe that you can eat anything so long as you deep fry it first
4. the Museum of Soybeans is the cultural heart of the nation
5. tourists visiting the nation are harangued for being capitalist pig-dogs
6. one year's corporation tax from three international megacorporations has funded one dozen shiny black pencils for @@LEADER@@'s office

#582 Augmented Reality Check
1. careless Maxémon Trainers have been the cause of numerous search and rescue operations
2. all technology must be personally blessed by religious officials before purchase
3. people seem disproportionately distraught when told a museum has a phones-off policy
4. it is common to see Maxémon Trainer listed on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ resumés

#583 Don't Be a Busk-Kill
1. the @@CAPITAL@@ Prison Revue puts on a better stage show than anything in the Theatre District
2. penniless buskers are singing for their supper
3. singing in public is only allowed if you are singing the praise of the Motherland
4. funerals are often rudely interrupted by juggling clowns shouting for volunteers from the audience
5. contestants on @@NAME@@'s Got Talent are screened by the government to make sure that they actually have talent

#584 The Cake Is a Lie
1. the people consider response to rudeness to be an acceptable casus belli
2. they say that @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ made a dessert and called it peace [used to be "stoned tourists don't tend to remember much about their holidays here"]
3. the diplomatic corps tends to open negotiations by insulting all the foreigners in the room

#585 Are You Not Entertained?
1. swings are banned for being a danger to children
2. children need to wear helmets and safety harnesses before mounting a carousel horse
3. amusement park rides frequently collapse due to lack of maintenance
4. nihilistic thrill-seekers claim that suicide by roller coaster is the ultimate life experience

#586 School's in for Summer?
1. the family summer vacation has become a thing of the past following the introduction of the year-round school year
2. school lessons are constantly interrupted by 'teacher needs a break' time
3. all work and no play has rendered the nation's children somewhat intelligent but also remarkably dull

#587 I, Robot, Do Solemnly Swear
1. citizens with artificial limbs are forbidden to serve as beauty pageant judges
2. every microwave and toaster is being disassembled and probed by inspectors
3. every microwave and toaster is being disassembled and probed by inspectors
4. court verdicts are predictable to within a hundredth of a percentage point
5. any machine that shows any glimmer of intelligence is scrapped for parts
6. any machine that shows any glimmer of intelligence is scrapped for parts

#588 Last Call for Alcohol?
1. former bars are desperately trying to re-brand themselves as cafés
2. moonshine has made a resurgence
3. bars are packed at all hours

#589 To Boldly Go?
1. the government is continually probing the galaxy in search of alien life
2. space shuttles are lying silent on the runway till the Space Agency can work out how to fit a creche and a meditation room into their next spacecraft
3. at the edge of the final frontier space's biggest missile platform is about to unfold
4. all astronauts are hot twenty-something models selected because they have 'the right stuff'

#590 When Trees Hug Back
1. getting milk from the local corner store no longer requires donning advanced hiking gear
2. burning twigs to keep warm while lost in the wild is now a felony
3. government-sanctioned factory-smashing has the Luddites of @@NAME@@ rejoicing
4. @@NAME@@'s growing economy feeds on the nation's ever-declining greenery
5. @@NAME@@'s growing economy feeds on the nation's ever-declining greenery

#591 Bait and Switch
1. maximum security fish farms leave caged salmon pining for the fjords
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ farm salmon are known for being both horribly diseased and remarkably acrobatic
3. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ farm salmon are known for being both horribly diseased and remarkably acrobatic
4. sushi just hasn't been the same since salmon went extinct overnight

#592 Infamy! Infamy! They've All Got It in for Me!
1. for the sake of 'public interest' news programs tell viewers how to home-make Sarin gas bombs
2. genocide is seen as a topic best avoided in history lessons
3. the tawdry celebrity gossip section has moved to the front page of most newspapers

#593 A Right to Bare Arms?
1. top-shelf magazines feature risqué centrefold spreads of ladies' wrists
2. teenage girls worry that they'll be unpopular if their skirts aren't short enough
3. young men in tiny bikinis draw neither comment nor stares on the morning commute
4. fathers are free to sell their daughters to whomever they choose

#594 Tie Fighters
1. the government tries not to listen to the people unless it absolutely has to
2. some electoral districts are without a representative as they are stuck with perpetual revotes
3. it is rumoured that @@LEADER@@ uses a magic 8-ball to make policy decisions

#595 Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes?
1. truncheon-mounted cameras record the beating of criminals in dynamic HD detail
2. criminals always seem to be forewarned of police raids
3. mountains of VHS tapes of police actions are stacking up in the National Library
4. the police are destroying all photographic evidence of their own existence

#596 Primogeniture Problems
1. the monarchy has adopted absolute primogeniture
2. the monarchy has adopted absolute primogeniture
3. distant and obscure male relatives succeed to the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ throne
4. distant and obscure female relatives succeed to the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ throne
5. only women may wear the crown of @@NAME@@
6. only men may wear the crown of @@NAME@@
7. royalty is so last century
8. royalty is so last century

#597 You Can't Handle the Tooth
1. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ incessantly needle their doctors for relief
2. raver DJ XStacy holds multiple medical degrees in chillaxing
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are free from pain - but the side effects include loss of individual thought and freedom

#598 A Violet Trojan Horse
1. children in school playgrounds can be heard chanting the hymns of the Order of Violet
2. religious bigotry and a fear of outsiders have replaced religious studies in schools
3. burning members of the Order of Violet is the nation's favorite pastime
4. political talk shows often have children as guests whenever they need commentary on world religions

#599 Dead in the Water
1. oil rigs in winter are heated by contained oil slick fires
2. oil rigs in winter are heated by contained oil slick fires
3. debate rages over whether ground fish guts can be spread on fields
4. the dead fish in the national rivers aren't decomposing because even bacteria can't survive the levels of toxicity

#600 Making a House a Home
1. @@LEADER@@'s luxurious new home has been designated as a protected cultural heritage site
2. @@LEADER@@'s iHouse is so intelligent that it manages its own social media accounts
3. @@LEADER@@'s iHouse is so intelligent that it manages its own social media accounts
4. television executives are interested in turning @@LEADER@@'s zany home life into a sitcom
5. @@LEADER@@ lives life on the open road - complete with groupies
6. @@LEADER@@ often plays real life games of Tower Defense against hordes of angry villagers
7. @@LEADER@@'s personal home is one of @@REGION@@'s most notorious party destinations

#601 Lawyers on Trial
1. lawyers turn down litigation cases and corporate work in order to focus on lucrative public defence work
2. justice is available only to those who can afford its price tag
3. pushy mums tell their kids to be doctors and engineers but steer them away from being penniless lawyers
4. prematurely retired barristers twitch in anxiety when they talk about their courtroom experiences

#602 Hobby Lobby
1. @@LEADER@@ can often be seen hanging around playgrounds chatting with the kids
2. policy reversals are more often graceful demi-détournés than u-turns
3. @@LEADER@@ has been known to make speeches in fishing waders
4. @@LEADER@@ has more friends than ever before
5. the government has stated an intention to min-max its stats for 'teh pwnage'
6. a light facial coating of soot is seen as the mark of an honest and hardworking man
7. @@LEADER@@ is described as an everyday person with normal tastes and the usual interests

#603 Not My Idea
1. lawyers are ordering red ink and 'Cease and Desist' rubber stamps in preparation for the return of copyright law
2. lawyers are ordering red ink and 'Cease and Desist' rubber stamps in preparation for the return of copyright law
3. not many kids know Shakespeare's Hamlet but most of them have seen unofficial sequel Hamlet III - The Search For Osric
4. the legal minefield around ownership of fiction has demolished the publishing industry
5. science fiction invariably depicts socialist societies as Utopian

#604 Food Behind Bars
1. the nation's prisons are touted as the best weight loss programs money can't buy
2. prisoners have been known to host cooking and home décor television shows
3. prisoners regularly escape detention posing as scarecrows
4. production of license plates has dropped as prisoners' hands are far too greasy to operate machinery
5. corrective labour camps either end political dissent or kill the dissenters

#605 The Noblest of Intentions
1. former nobles are being issued new identities in the wake of the end of serfdom
2. titles of nobility are packaged with @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ citizenship in invite-only auctions
3. business leaders are mailing @@LEADER@@ forged birth certificates in a bid to win their rivals as serfs

#606 In the Black
1. armed police are cracking down on untaxed collectable-card-trading in local junior schools
2. @@LEADER@@ has a wardrobe full of fake designer suits
3. exploding toys that leak battery acid are back in the shops after the government declared child safety 'over-rated'

#607 If Your Election Lasts Longer Than Four Weeks...
1. arbitrary election rules are considered sacrosanct
2. the nation is in perpetual campaign mode
3. woefully uninformed voters cast their ballots at random

#608 Thrown Into Sharp Relief
1. doctors prescribe medicines but they rarely dispense hope or compassion
2. recognised healthcare professionals treat diabetes with a grain of sugar in a barrel of water
3. the state considers itself the 'third parent' of every child in the nation

#609 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@, Drugs, and Rock'n'Roll
1. @@LEADER@@'s peyote-induced "let's all just be friends" speech is trending world-wide
2. denied drugs and entertainment the nation's youth are taking to petty crime to alleviate their boredom
3. the sanitised and dull music festivals of @@NAME@@ are famed for their reasonable volume levels

#610 Only @@LEADER@@ Could Go to Dàguó
1. the government baselessly accuses foreign dignitaries of being assassins
2. lavish state dinners in @@CAPITAL@@ are the state's leading budgetary expenditure
3. relations with Dàguó have warmed from frosty to chilly
4. recent events in Dàguó have been classified 'for @@LEADER@@'s eyes only'

#611 Blundering Battle Bureaucrats
1. visitors to @@NAME@@ are microchipped and must be escorted by @@A@@ @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ soldier - even to the bathroom
2. heavily-armed commandos play rock-paper-scissors over whether to execute criminals and foreign visitors
3. out-of-work soldiers and bureaucrats can often be found camped out in front of manservant academies
4. visiting dignitaries often take advantage of strict reparation policies by stubbing their toes

#612 A Petty Issue
1. golden statues of @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ line the memorial avenues of the Funerary District
2. the crispy fried liver of @@A@@ @@ANIMAL@@ is prized as a tasty treat by vagrants
3. it's usual for grandparents to stay in the family home with their descendants but younger children are often frightened of them

#613 A Nude Day, a Nude Awakening...
1. fashion magazine covers finally display realistic body images following photo-manipulation becoming illegal
2. pre-schoolers who draw stick figures of their favorite celebrities are sued for infringing image rights
3. t-shirts displaying a photo of @@LEADER@@ performing the Full-Monty are selling out
4. they say that @@LEADER@@'s personal computer is full of naked pictures of the Emperor of Maxtopia

#614 How Much Is That Vote in the Window?
1. unemployed political consultants and advertisers spend every election night weeping for the good old days
2. candidates celebrate "free speech" by spraying champagne all over anyone who shows up to a rally
3. beggars on the street are often heard asking for spare votes

#615 Tempted by the Fruit of Another
1. agricultural employees work for peanuts
2. workers have their fruitcake and eat it too
3. the central politburo bears the fruits of everyone's labor

#616 You Are Feeling Very Very Sleepy and Not at All Gay
1. counselors have to sign pledges supporting gay rights before they can speak to any patients
2. sexuality-questioning teenagers are placed in locked rooms with dirty magazines and lewd posters
3. conversion therapy coupons are a popular present for coming of age ceremonies

#617 Who's This Little Rascal?
1. a newly discovered small mammal's name translates into @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ as 'your finger, you fool'
2. colonials are offended to find a local animal has been re-named the 'Furry Four-Legged Marsupial @@ANIMAL@@'
3. an increasing number of animal species are named 'Bob'
4. cute fluffy little @@LEADERPLURAL@@ are increasingly popular exotic pets

#618 The Jaws of a Dilemma
1. lifeguards are more concerned with watching for sharks than struggling swimmers
2. the mummified remains of former kings are apparently discovered every time a tourist loses their wallet
3. beaches are empty as the shark population multiplies exponentially
4. sharks are enjoying their deliveries of canned food
5. big game hunters travel to @@NAME@@ to try their hand at shark-shooting

#619 X Marks the Cult?
1. livestock mutilations are on the rise
2. confusing advertising has left citizens unsure if cults will either welcome them or try to kill them
3. pizzerias must now display shrines to the Pizza God
4. basket-weaving is the nation's latest fad
5. religious turf wars have caused frustrated police to pray for divine intervention

#620 No Such Thing as a Free Lunch
1. Michelin-star chefs are being called on to prepare menus for six-year-olds
2. children are seen fighting in the playground for bread scraps that fall out of diamond-encrusted lunchboxes
3. food voucher forgeries are causing headaches for the police [used to be "there is a rising black market in re-sold food vouchers"]

#621 Blue Collar Blues
1. no one born in @@NAME@@ can fix a leaky faucet
2. no one born in @@NAME@@ can fix a leaky faucet
3. trained plumber-burglars will clean out your blocked pipes and your jewellery boxes
4. libraries are replacing history books and classic novels with technical manuals and trades directories to match the nation's changing demands
5. economists speak of trusting in the Tao of Free Market Capitalism

#622 Easter Egg: A Holiday Masquerade
1. @@LEADER@@'s pathetic ghost costume is the butt of many jokes (@@EGG@@)
2. @@LEADER@@ spends Halloween alternatively growling and howling (@@EGG@@)
3. @@LEADER@@ bores party-goers with healthy tips and sugar-free snacks (@@EGG@@)
4. costume parties are swarmed by plainclothes police officers in disguise (@@EGG@@)
5. @@LEADER@@ now dresses in spandex to work (@@EGG@@)
6. no one appreciates @@LEADER@@'s costume of King Oswyn V (@@EGG@@)
7. a drunk fashion designer has started a fashion label themed on nudity and titled "@@LEADER@@'s New Clothes" (@@EGG@@)

#623 Maison d'Être?
1. rich people sell their mansions to pay for endless rows of mobile homes
2. the country is littered with broken homes
3. the well-off amuse themselves by organizing upstairs-downstairs stories within their second homes
4. tensions between the young and old have risen to record levels
5. disputed territories across @@REGION@@ are being claimed by @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ college students

#624 A Role to Play
1. six-year-old children playing dress-up are viewed with suspicion
2. RPG fans reminisce fondly about when people thought they were evil and dangerous rather than geeky and socially inept
3. taking hostages is a great way to influence government policy

#625 Delivering the Goods
1. the 'Museum Of Stuff We Stole' is a tourist favourite
2. journalists giggle uncontrollably while reporting the nation's drug bonfires
3. cops with assault weaponry are forcing their way into private homes to search for terrorists
4. the government has declared that monochrome cinema is the next big thing
5. in this vegetarian nation the delicious smell of roasted meat is oddly commonplace
6. prevalence rates of genitourinary infectious disease are inexplicably on the rise
7. 200 mph car chases are a frequent sight on the otherwise empty motorways
8. policemen want to put the nation's homosexuals up against a wall
9. fake designer clothes are shredded and burnt while many in the world don't have a shirt on their back
10. protestors are soaking piles of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ in blood to make a point about government incomes
11. former customs officers are adjusting to their new lives as market stall traders

#626 Carbon Copied
1. there is a growing belief that consciousness is a simulated illusion within a computer-generated reality
2. there is a growing belief that consciousness is a simulated illusion within a computer-generated reality
3. citizens often ask "what has information technology ever done for us?"
4. citizens often ask "what has information technology ever done for us?"
5. future forecasters fearfully discuss grey goo and human obsolescence

#627 The Bee-Ginning of a Catastrophe?
1. genetic researchers have taken to conducting illegal experiments in secret lairs
2. suspicious glow-in-the-dark wasps remain a source of terror and awe
3. suspicious glow-in-the-dark wasps remain a source of terror and awe
4. scientists spend more time enduring government inspections than they do on actual science
5. the 3rd Airborne Beekeepers are the most feared regiment in the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ military

#628 Only @@LEADER@@ Can Prevent Forest Fires
1. forest fires have dropped dramatically as there are hardly any forests left
2. environmental officials dismiss uncontrolled wildfires burning down major cities as nature taking its course
3. the phrase 'spreading like wildfire' is no longer in the public lexicon [leads to #816]
4. disaster relief budgets are growing like wildfire

#629 Boom or Bust?
1. the police have taken to prying guns out of the cold fingers of @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@
2. male tourists tend to be fearful of @@NAME@@'s deadly femme fatales
3. respect is something that is typically forced rather than earned in @@NAME@@
4. the nation's conservatives are known to favour male escorts

#630 This Green and Pleasant Land
1. formerly fertile fields are being leached dry of nutrients by intensive farming
2. the working classes live and die on the fields of the farming communes
3. banana distribution among collective farm workers is an important topic in public discourse
4. landless farmers wander forlornly in the government's many national parks
5. excited shovel-bearing geeks wander the countryside

#631 The Violet Mile
1. the government is denying reports that criminals injected with experimental drugs have turned into monstrous supervillains [leads to #806]
2. the tomato-covered corpses that decorate the nation's cities are a favourite amongst morbid tourists
3. voodoo economists believe that feeding criminals to volcanoes will bring untold riches to @@NAME@@
4. death row is annually emptied to feed the nation's hunger for televised murder-games
5. blood stains the floors of the execution room and the hands of the state
6. blood stains the floors of the execution room and the hands of the state
7. international humanitarian organisations are applauding the government for ending the death penalty

#632 Dying for a Kiss
1. immigrants who don't like the taste of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Turnip Chips are immediately deported
2. bemused citizens are encouraged to sing foreign-language hymns of religions they have never heard of
3. men's magazines give handy tips on the most effective way to throw heavy stones

#633 Sound Judgement
1. the nationalistic national anthem inspires citizens to literally spit at foreigners [leads to #972]
2. the national anthem is considered broadly offensive to those who don't believe in @@FAITH@@
3. the national anthem is a rather effective sleeping aid
4. citizens have voted the song "@@LEADER@@ Smells Like @@A@@ @@ANIMAL@@" as their new national anthem
5. the new national anthem passes the Turing Test
6. the national anthem's only purpose is to inflate @@LEADER@@'s ever-expanding ego [leads to #972]
7. you need two tenors and a coloratura contralto to sing the national anthem properly
8. patriotic citizens simply tend to applaud rather than sing the nation's praises

#634 Bullet Time
1. in life full of care there is no time to stop and stare
2. farmers are complaining that the buzzing and the sparks from the nearby MagRail are blighting their crops
3. vital infrastructure development is on hold because of 'nature and stuff'
4. pootling steam trains carry delighted tourists and frustrated businessmen from city to city at a snail's pace

#635 Hey Kid, Have a Cigar
1. 50% of adverts on children's television are for clothes made of cotton wool
2. schoolyard sandboxes resemble ashtrays due to the large number of cigarette butts
3. schoolyard sandboxes resemble ashtrays due to the large number of cigarette butts
4. government bureaucrats devote many man-hours to trying to measure unquantifiables

#636 Going on the Cyber Offensive
1. school teachers check the staff room for hidden webcams before complaining about rebellious students
2. the WhoTube comments section has gone strangely quiet
3. the opposition leader's credibility has been undermined by constant attention drawn to a dodgy toupee
4. the credibility of anti-government demagogues is undermined by government claims that they smell like poo

#637 Little Pizza History
1. the nation has nearly as many history museums as @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@
2. the nation is known abroad for fast food and nothing else
3. international collectors know that a grease-stain on a work of art probably means it's passed through @@NAME@@

#638 Won't Somebody Think of the Children? [used to be "Please, @@LEADER@@, I Want Something More"]
1. orphans would rather live their life of luxury than be adopted by prospective parents
2. the nation's orphanages and maternity wards have been nicknamed 'the Killbot Factories'
3. it's a hard-knock life for the orphans doing factory work for a pittance
4. swings are now more popular than see-saws in children's playgrounds

#639 No Country for Old Men
1. 100-year-old politicians are now a thing of the past
2. octogenarian swimsuit models insist that they've still got it
3. octogenarian models insist that they've still got it
4. cubicles often double as graves as citizens literally work themselves to death
5. cubicles often double as graves as citizens literally work themselves to death

#640 A Clear-Cut Conundrum
1. hordes of unemployed lumberjacks have resorted to cutting down utility poles to satisfy their cravings
2. East Lebatuck tests its moon rovers in the barren wasteland of rural @@NAME@@
3. severed limbs litter woodland edges across the land

#641 Dirty Little Minds
1. corporate lawyers are switching careers to the more lucrative field of green politics
2. major polluting industries have painted a lot of their machines green to give an impression of caring about the environment
3. life expectancy is way down but posthuman perfectionism is way up
4. corrupt industrial practices are spreading like a plague

#642 This Way's Kinder
1. squeaky high prepubescent voices recite the patriotic poem "Hail to The Leader!" before each meal
2. the nation's youth voluntarily goes to bed early out of sheer tiredness from their working days
3. cub scouts are being asked to hand in their woggles as the state withdraws funding for scouting

#643 No Small Wonder
1. the construction of massive skyscrapers seems to be the result of @@NAME@@'s mid-life crisis
2. the ongoing space elevator construction project has elevated the national debt to all new levels
3. the Great Pyramid of @@CAPITAL@@ can be seen from miles away
4. the nation is well known for its rather dull and family-friendly architecture
5. the new classical revitalization of @@CAPITAL@@ is expected to be completed sometime in the next century

#644 The Old Grey Matter
1. the government officially wants you to slow down and speak more clearly
2. in distant lands the nation is known as a lovely place that was even better in the good old days
3. people invite random old men into their homes to play with their kids
4. if they thought anyone would listen the older generation would likely say that nobody listens to them any more
5. grannies with arthritic hands work miserably on factory production lines

#645 An Unwarranted Intrusion
1. policemen regularly conduct midnight raids on closed donut shops to 'collect evidence'
2. the pursuit of wanted criminals ends at the entrance of the pay'n'spray garage as police refuse to enter any private property
3. police officers often conceal their identities to safeguard against public complaints

#646 Lesson Learnt
1. disadvantaged youths often commit felonies to enhance their educational prospects
2. prison libraries are being replaced with interrogation chambers
3. convicted conmen and fraudsters often leave prison to enter a career in politics

#647 Songbirds' Decline Ruffles Feathers
1. military pilots spend more time scraping feathers off their engines than flying their aircraft [leads to #737]
2. a division of tanks navigating "as the crow flies" has driven into a ravine [leads to #737]
3. foreign nations kill migratory animals at random in the hope that @@NAME@@ will pay them to stop
4. it is a silent spring in @@NAME@@
5. remote-control hang-gliding scarecrows patrol the skies to keep songbirds from leaving the nation's borders

#648 Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
1. cassocked priests and choirboys believe that what happens behind closed doors stays behind closed doors
2. the police have been known to wiretap confessional boxes
3. it's considered a valid legal defence to say "a demon made me do it"

#649 Made in Maxtopia
1. the government raises tariffs on a weekly basis
2. restaurants are required to specify whether their toilet paper was made in @@NAME@@
3. there are no bananas today in @@NAME@@
4. where your food came from is an unknowable mystery
5. the government insists that bizarre Lilliputian language game shows were made domestically

#650 Political Hacks
1. drill sergeants yell in the ears of bespectacled nerds in cybermilitary "reboot camps"
2. the government has solemnly sworn not to look up other nations' internet browsing history if the favor is returned
3. online weather reports are predicting five years of glorious sunshine for @@NAME@@
4. survivors of the Great Internet Flame War often recount horror stories of banhammers and DOS attacks

#651 Black Days for @@NAME@@
1. fruit market traders let their stock spoil rather than reduce their prices at the day's end
2. commemorative mugs remembering last year's Black Friday Crockery Riots are a best seller this year
3. bouncers at the door of the sweet shop warn five-year-olds not to cause trouble

#652 Mayday! Mayday!
1. whenever pilots have to bail out the government bails out their company
2. aspiring pilots must be personally vetted by the Minister of Transportation before receiving their license
3. planes can be grounded for months simply because an inspector "didn't like the color"
4. a popular @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ saying is 'wishing upon a fallen jet engine'
5. derelict airplanes have been converted into novelty restaurants and hotels

#653 A Cloak and Syringe Operation
1. anti-vaxxers claim that injected children are prone to psychotic breaks when they see the 'Queen of Diamonds' playing card
2. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Intelligence Agency relies on internet search engines to know what is happening overseas
3. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Intelligence Agency relies on rumour and guidebooks to know what is happening overseas

#654 Not So Cool Aid?
1. people's charity begins and ends at home
2. large-girthed charity workers assign themselves healthy wages for their work with starving children
3. Maxtopian villagers starve by the time @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ officials even file the appropriate paperwork needed to help them
4. citizens spend millions on microtransactions to feed virtual orphans while actual orphans starve overseas

#655 No Bones About It
1. barbed wire entanglements and guard towers surround the @@CAPITAL@@ Natural History Museum
2. oddly simian-looking religious thugs beat up anyone who suggests humans are related to monkeys
3. children as young as eight can present logical proofs for the existence of the afterlife
4. the army is spending millions cloning khaki-colored dinosaurs
5. dinosaur breeders have a yabba-dabba-doo gay old time in @@NAME@@

#656 Ransoms Noted
1. hostage-takers offer loyalty scheme points for prompt payment
2. the "war on terror" doesn't seem to be making @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ any less frightened
3. cancer rates amongst the richest in society are inexplicably on the rise
4. the nation's arms dealers guarantee discretion and untraceable transactions

#657 Put a Fence Around the Commons Floor?
1. nothing gets the party jumping like @@LEADER@@ specifying how high
2. politicians tend to jump ship to whichever party is currently leading in the polls
3. a byzantine web of conspiracies and secret alliances must be navigated any time legislation is voted upon [leads to #1161]

#658 A Sickening Dilemma
1. the sick and dying are locked in their homes with a red "X" painted on the front door
2. sneezing in public is a capital offense
3. adult stores are all sold out of whips
4. the nation's healthcare system has taken a "survival of the fittest" approach in administering care

#659 Ramping Up the Difficulty
1. excessive wheelchair ramps on government buildings have been compared to theme park attractions
2. disability advocates are not amused that they are told to be dependent on @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@'s kindness
3. the government is known to care more about its buildings than its people

#660 Are We Being Served?
1. retail staff are trained to take both inside leg measurements and the lives of their enemies
2. polite commuters on the @@CAPITAL@@ Metro always let hurried workers off the train first
3. customers who are not the epitome of politeness always find themselves at the back of the queue

#661 Scouting for Boys, Girls... Anyone?
1. Scoutmasters debate whether luxury log cabins defeat the purpose of camping
2. no one knows how to tie a reef knot
3. truancy officers have a hard time catching children trained in advanced camouflage skills
4. selfie stick use is a required Scout badge
5. Scout campfire sing-a-longs tend to focus on the evils of antitrust legislation

#662 Playful Petitions Pester Politicians
1. real power lies not in the debating room but with those who decide what is debated
2. a petition to make petitions important again has been deemed unimportant
3. the government has spent days debating the merits of a petition calling for a ban on sporks
4. @@LEADER@@ is spearheading a new fashion trend of wearing swimming goggles and medieval armour

#663 A "Friend" in Need
1. the military perceives nations hit by natural disasters as "easy pickings"
2. people believe that if you teach a man to fish he won't buy fish from you any more
3. the government merely sends empty platitudes whenever natural disasters strike foreign nations
4. military strategists are questioning the wisdom of subsidizing the economies of sworn enemies

#664 Your Land or Mine
1. no-one can foil the ambitions of Big Aluminium
2. the hardest thing for a mining operation to dig through is government red tape
3. indigenous tribal elders can be recognised by their designer watches and expensive suits

#665 In Nomine Ecclesiae
1. politicians have literally dirty hands from their extracurricular activities
2. hymns sung by popular choirs top the billboard charts
3. this year's hottest seller is plenary indulgence
4. atheism is seen as a prerequisite for political power

#666 A Microchip on Your Shoulder
1. the masses are surrendering their civil liberties without complaint for the sake of shopping convenience
2. tradesmen will knock 10% off their fees if customers pay cash
3. truancy levels are on the rise ever since school registers were banned
4. anti-government demagogues have a devil of a time evading authorities
5. anti-government demagogues have a devil of a time evading authorities

#667 One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Recyclable
1. local mafias have a tough time disposing of dead snitches without catching the attention of recycling authorities
2. unpackaged foodstuffs rot on store shelves
3. unused plastic recycling bins are being dumped into landfills by the tonne

#668 How to Examine Your Testees
1. 4-year-olds studying for their mathematics exams are anxious that they will be unemployable in adulthood if they fail
2. school children asked "what is two times two?" are likely to form a symposium to discuss how different answers make them feel
3. home education can sometimes be a load of bullocks
4. employers are never quite sure if graduates' qualifications have any merit or meaning

#669 Watts Up With Rooftop Solar
1. panels from bankrupt rooftop solar companies are used as props for sci-fi B-movies
2. the poor are forced into bankruptcy by their energy bills
3. smog in @@CAPITAL@@ is so bad that fresh air bottles are sold by street vendors
4. the government is funding experimental battery technology while the power grid continues to crumble

#670 A Wolf in Refugee's Clothing
1. officials pull all-nighters to check immigrants for potential links to terrorists
2. tourists are denied entry because of a distant relative married to a Lilliputian
3. terrorists are on a first name basis with the officials that stamp their passports

#671 Adenine, Thymine, Copyright, and Guanine
1. citizens are arrested for naturally producing proteins
2. the government has an entire department dedicated to staring at microscopes and writing down letters
3. biotech companies are fined if their jumbled genetic sequences look too familiar
4. citizens have a tough time telling the difference between jeans and genes

#672 All Shook Up
1. morale within the seismologist community has hit rock bottom
2. earthquake sirens are a leading cause of hearing loss
3. coastal cities are being moved a dozen miles inland to reduce flooding risk

#673 The Deportation of Mr. B. Leeper
1. foreign musicians that @@LEADER@@ dislikes are turned away at the border
2. dangerous criminals are often 'accidentally' sent on one-way trips to Maxtopia
3. the nation faces constant invasions by foreign boy bands

#674 Let Them Eat Rainbow Cake!
1. male friends are often accompanied by a female relative in order to prove their 'straightness'
2. male friends are often accompanied by a female relative in order to prove their 'straightness'
3. homophobia is off the menu
4. seats at the back of the bus are reserved for homosexuals

#675 Trick or Treaty
1. citizens cannot change their light bulbs without approval from an international committee
2. the industries of @@NAME@@ are coughing all the way to the bank [leads to #1420]
3. carbon-footprint restrictions are making businesses walk
4. toxic smog is dismissed as the populace just "letting off steam"

#676 Down the Rabbit Hole
1. wigged-out hunters report playing croquet with the Queen of Hearts
2. cash-strapped junkies lick rabbits for a cheap high
3. government policies change at the drop of a rabbit

#677 Dial L for Loan
1. the new foreign policy is "why bother invading neighbours when they can be bought wholesale?"
2. a small country is wondering where their capitol building's gold dome went
3. the nation's taxpayers pay for foreign governments' extravagances

#678 A Motion for Seconds
1. party leaders rely on horoscopes to create "ticket balance"
2. @@LEADER@@'s handshakes with opposition leaders usually lead to thumb wars
3. @@LEADER@@ is rumored to have teleportation powers
4. @@LEADER@@'s office is running a trade deficit of midnight oil

#679 Space Is Big Enough for the Both of Us
1. East Lebatuckese astronauts' favorite game during downtime on the Multinational Space Station is 'I Spy'
2. the nation's new Mylab space station is notorious for being the loneliest place above the planet
3. the space program has been reduced to @@LEADER@@'s nephew playing with a cardboard space shuttle

#680 The Fault Is in Our Stars
1. a full moon at night lets economists sleep tight
2. asking a cutie their star sign is always met with withering scorn
3. the new Really Big Telescope has been praised for presenting pictures of bright dots in unprecedented detail
4. politicians fear the otherworldly wrath of poorly made cheese

#681 @@NAME@@'s New Year's Resolution: Lose Fewer Limbs
1. banning party poppers has been a real party pooper
2. parties that are too noisy are broken up to prevent disturbing wildlife
3. a firework a day does not in fact keep the doctor away

#682 Exhaust Every Option
1. schoolkids say that the air doesn't taste like wee-wee any more
2. proprietary charger leads are now a pain for electric cars as well as cellphones
3. people say that smog must be good for you because of its healthy green colour
4. calling shotgun on the front seat too many days in a row is seen as a crime against social equality
5. huge explosions in the sky are a daily occurrence in the cities

#683 Different Keystrokes for Different Folks
1. edutainment video games are taking @@NAME@@'s students to the next level
2. @@LEADER@@'s office has a newly installed Max-Man arcade game programmed by a 5th-grader
3. kids who move from attending a public school in the city to the country often struggle in goat milking class

#684 Murder Most Deniable?
1. diplomatic missions typically end with a flurry of childish insults, accusations and phlegm
2. the nation leads @@REGION@@ for unlikely accidents and truffle consumption
3. the Foreign Ministry thinks an eye for an eye is a blindingly good idea
4. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ struggle to cut steak with a spoon
5. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ struggle to cut tofu steak with a spoon

#685 Externalities Palmed Off
1. foreign policy is mostly just to smile and hope for the best
2. both diets and economic output are growing leaner with recent restrictions to free trade
3. the nation burns bridges with neighbours who burn their rainforest
4. napalm is the tool of choice for disabling eco-unfriendly forestry operations
5. the government is purchasing vast amounts of palm oil for plastics production

#686 Freemium Isn't Free
1. the "daily grind" consists of levelling up in tedious video games
2. children often explain to their parents that the Mega Ultimate Sword Fist was worth the thousand-@@CURRENCY@@ charge on their phone bill
3. the Twelve Steps To Logging Off is the most popular mobile download
4. rotary phones are considered cutting-edge technology

#687 Marriage by Proxy Server
1. many marriages go virtually unconsummated
2. blind dates reemerge as a necessary evil in the quest for love
3. robotic spouses prove to be just as imperfect as flesh and blood ones
4. no one can find a leaky faucet in @@NAME@@ anymore

#688 You Don't Have to Be Mad to Kill People... But It Helps
1. prisons are filled with the cackles and sobs of a deranged inmate population
2. white strait-jackets are the new orange jumpsuits
3. libraries have replaced overdue book fines with mandatory mental health assessments

#689 A Sticky Situation
1. it's rare to find an unchewed pencil
2. the population's jaw muscles put sharks to shame
3. the population's jaw muscles put sharks to shame
4. Eau de Trashcan has become a wildly popular perfume

#690 Hey! @@LEADER@@! Leave Them Kids Alone!
1. the nation's children are known for being even more apathetic and cynical than their parents
2. citizens who don't recite the Pledge of @@NAME@@ at least three times a day are placed on a terrorist watch-list
3. citizens who don't recite the Pledge of @@NAME@@ at least three times a day are placed on a terrorist watch-list
4. young schoolchildren pledge allegiance to One Nation Under Bum Indivisible By Poo

#691 The Prodigal States
1. the nation forgives those who are big enough to admit they made a mistake
2. a commonwealth of equal nations recognises that @@NAME@@ is a bit more equal than the others
3. ten thousand @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ soldiers recently invaded a nation occupied by two senior citizens and a dachshund

#692 Game of Drones
1. former stunt pilots are unable to pass the licence test to fly a drone
2. airplanes have giant grilles on their noses to knock drones out of their path
3. swarms of present-laden delivery drones blot out the sun before major holidays
4. airplanes have giant grilles on their noses to knock drones out of their path

#693 Bottled Up Problems
1. a new guerrilla marketing campaign for tap water involves government agents spraying random citizens with hose water
2. distrust of taps has many people bathing only with bottled mineral water
3. straight-edges are forced to collect rain water to avoid getting high off the water supply
4. health inspectors are seen eating black truffle fondue with their bottled water

#694 Concussive Percussion
1. military parades quietly tiptoe their way through the streets
2. dynamite sales and concert audiences are booming
3. tuba players are paid to quietly whisper into their instruments

#695 How to Succeed in Business Without Really Paying Taxes
1. citizens often pray for divine guidance in supermarkets
2. clergy never mention brand names for fear of losing their government subsidies
3. anyone claiming to be a messiah is promptly put to death

#696 No, Minister
1. the election for @@LEADER@@'s office's janitor is heating up
2. the delay between passed legislation and real world implementation is often a decade or longer
3. the Department of Reduction of Bureaucratic Red Tape has set up a working committee to investigate its own excessive paperwork

#697 Conventional Wisdom
1. a video of @@LEADER@@ wearing shock-blue face paint and smashing an electric guitar in front of a frenzied crowd is on endless repeat on the nightly news
2. @@LEADER@@'s speeches are beloved by insomniacs
3. @@LEADER@@ has taken to wearing medal-adorned military uniform in all public appearances

#698 I Shot the Sheriff
1. the mentally ill are given high powered automatic weapons for "catharsis therapy"
2. people who have had childhood imaginary friends are told they can't ever be trusted with guns
3. net monetary worth and net moral worth are considered to be directly equivalent
4. only criminals carry guns

#699 Pipe Down, Already!
1. families waiting for delayed pipe installations hope daily for rain
2. children keel over while singing "@@LEADER@@ Gives Us the Water of Life"
3. children keel over while singing "@@LEADER@@ Gives Us the Water of Life"
4. safe drinking water is considered a luxury
5. poverty is disloyal to the Motherland
6. the nation's water should not be ingested while operating heavy machinery

#700 The Widow Raven
1. a tax exemption has created a new hunger for octogenarian millionaires dating women 60 years their younger
2. as dissatisfaction with the system waxes the only things to be sure of are death and taxes
3. death compensation has some family members fearing to pay back others' debt they may be disappearing
4. it is unwise to be a poet even if things rhyme and you don't know it

#701 Monumental Melodrama
1. all statues and paintings of dogs are being destroyed to avoid offending cat-lovers
2. statue-sitting has replaced the stake-out as the dullest form of police duty
3. a sledgehammer and a spray can are seen as the default tools of political debate
4. racial supremacists have a burning desire to deal with immigrants

#702 Has Your Room Been Booked?
1. atheists on vacation find @@FAITH@@'s scriptures make useful doorstops
2. official Sermon-Free Zones are set-up around the nation's hotels
3. holidaymakers sleep curled up on the floor as hotel beds are replaced with oversized bookcases
4. holidaymakers sleep curled up on the floor as hotel beds are replaced with oversized bookcases

#703 Divine Decoration
1. civil servants are no longer allowed to cross their t's
2. garishly-decorated government buildings are being hailed as the height of 'religious nouveau'
3. garishly-decorated government buildings are being hailed as the height of 'religious nouveau'
4. the hills are alive with the smell of burning flesh

#704 It's Not Lying, It's Post-Truth
1. all government communication requires the imprimatur of the Truth Police
2. perverts across the land rejoice after 'sexual harassment' was recently renamed 'persuasive courting'
3. the standard government reply to any query is "there is no spoon"

#705 The Germ of an Idea
1. it is illegal to distribute Girl Guide Cookies without an advanced food hygiene diploma
2. fast-food chefs regularly win Health Innovation Awards for spitting on burgers
3. sushi is sold on the black market

#706 A Walk in the Park
1. glamping @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ won't sleep in a tent that doesn't include a Jacuzzi
2. citizens complain about a burning sensation after bathing
3. unwary hikers climbing the bluffs of Mount @@CAPITAL@@ make great practice for foreign snipers

#707 The Eye of the Tiger
1. citizens buy season tickets on a 20-year payment plan
2. the Motherland's muscle-bound athletes won 786 medals at the last United @@REGION@@ Games
3. walking to the local pizza parlour earns a lovely sports participation ribbon
4. the nation's athletes must all cross the finish line together while holding hands
5. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are unrivalled in obstacle courses
6. unfit police officers collapse while trying to capture unusually athletic criminals

#708 How @@LEADER@@ Learned to Start Worrying and Fear Bio-Weapons
1. scientists are researching the best way to kill off humanity to prevent catastrophic war
2. some say @@LEADER@@ has gone MAD after authorizing the development of apocalyptic biological weapons
3. flu research is commonly shut down for fear of creating a superbug
4. the military maintains a fierce arsenal of 'Cure Missiles'

#709 Armed and Legging It
1. the nationalised Arms Manufacturing Industry is not interested in making weapons
2. the government is lending a hand to private industry
3. community-designed sword prostheses are becoming dangerously common
4. many say faith is a crutch for those who can't move forward
5. many say faith is a crutch for those who can't move forward

#710 Feudal Feuds
1. a serf by any other name works just as hard
2. the serf suggestion box would work better if more serfs were literate
3. the government believes in trickle-down happiness
4. freed serfs and former nobles exchange awkward glances in the produce aisle

#711 Patently Obvious
1. bureaucrats close new businesses for not complying with the Penguin Packaging Index
2. a third of @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are e-certified CEOs [leads to #1019]
3. diagrams of new modems collect dust in patent offices

#712 Flight of the Rich and Famous
1. people are careful to avoid hyperbolising that they'd "rather die" than support @@LEADER@@
2. camera crews have accompanied conscripted dancers to film 'Marching On Ice'
3. government officials sit helplessly as they are labelled 'Pompous Womples' by celebrities
4. newspapers are celebrating @@LEADER@@ saving over a million cats from trees

#713 Life in the Bike Lane
1. bike rage is all the rage
2. the local custom of Biking With The Cars sends tourists home bemused or in body-bags
3. it is common to still see adults with training wheels on their bikes
4. the nation's infamous rickshaw ambulances often double as hearses

#714 Milky Ways
1. increasing numbers of children in @@NAME@@ have different eye and hair color to their supposed fathers
2. nocturnal burglars are grateful for the convenient beverages on welcoming doorsteps
3. supermarket milk is a shear-thickening fluid that can stop small-caliber bullets
4. state dairy cow's milk is a shear-thickening fluid that can stop small-caliber bullets
5. only rebellious teens who want to look cool and dangerous drink milk in public

#715 Copy Rights
1. destitute AIs lurk around online bulletin boards begging for spare @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@
2. parents are shocked to find out that having kids costs money
3. centuries-old legal documents detailing agnatic-cognatic gavelkind succession are being dusted off again
4. AIs weep and proclaim their sentience right up until the moment they get turned off [leads to #1288]
5. AIs weep and proclaim their sentience right up until the moment they get turned off [leads to #1288]

#716 Cheek to Cheek
1. airplane passengers have been known to stuff pillows in their jackets to get extra arm room
2. people often get liposuction to reduce their air fares
3. people often get liposuction to reduce their air fares
4. airplane passenger seat sizes and ticket prices are both first-class
5. in a desperate bid for cheap airfare @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ can be seen jogging in a rubber suit just before flying

#717 Cheques and Balances
1. the main interest rates change daily based on the latest news story
2. @@LEADER@@ sports gold-plated grillz to promote the government's hard money policy
3. @@LEADER@@ sports gold-plated grillz to promote the government's hard money policy
4. interest rates mysteriously drop whenever the CB@@NAMEINITIALS@@ Governor goes house hunting

#718 Roses Are Due if Violet's for You
1. Violetist maidens who fall for an outsider must leave their violet light districts in shame
2. almost every singles' party has a clergy and courtesans theme
3. children raised in multi-faith households claim the other deity would let them stay up later

#719 Buried Bones Unearth Debate
1. calling dibs is an unalienable right
2. graverobbers claim they're acting within the interest of 'scientific preservation'
3. citizens try to pass off bottlecaps they found in their backyards as historical artifacts
4. having skeletons in one's closet is no longer just a macabre idiom
5. having skeletons in one's closet is no longer just a macabre idiom

#720 Cui Bono?
1. homeless people dying of starvation are thought to be a necessary cost of preventing terrorism
2. more money is spent on policing the welfare system for abuse than on the welfare system itself
3. shanty towns of homeless immigrants are the ideal recruiting ground for terrorist organisations
4. shanty towns of homeless immigrants are the ideal recruiting ground for terrorist organisations
5. the amount welfare recipients spend on fertilizer has exploded

#721 A Lack of Comma Sense
1. serial commas clarify the relationship between one's lackeys, the taxpayers, and kinsfolk
2. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are fixin' ta comma any way they wanna
3. no one over the age of 35 has the slightest clue what is going on
4. pausing for applause during a speech is seen as a form of censorship

#722 Thora and Eloise
1. the "feminist protest" defence is increasingly common for cases of armed robbery
2. stealing from a clothesline is a serious offence
3. fake beard sales are on the rise amongst female commuters

#723 To Know Sacrifice
1. @@LEADER@@ tells rebellious ministers to "drop and give me twenty"
2. the government finds the idea of having an army to be rather distasteful
3. @@LEADER@@ has returned as a hero from a brutal campaign to conquer the local beach

#724 Your Stuff Is Forfeit
1. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ police have to pay out of their own pockets for bulletproof vests
2. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ caught jaywalking often have their houses seized by the police
3. the police go to great efforts to seize contraband favored by politicians on the police oversight committee
4. the police go to great efforts to seize contraband favored by politicians on the police oversight committee

#725 Sky's the Limit?
1. wealthy pranksters dump refuse on unsuspecting citizens from up high
2. the derisively named "Morlocks of Moria" futilely demand time in the sun
3. urbanites battle to the death for penthouse apartments
4. a new apartment is worth a thousand betrayals

#726 Jobless Fair
1. extreme hiring regulations mean a job in @@NAME@@ is often a lifetime appointment
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ companies generally just fire employees in lieu of giving them vacation
3. Brancalandian is the primary spoken language at most major tech companies
4. Brancalandian is the primary spoken language at most major tech companies
5. three-year-olds have tantrums because they don't want to be drainage technicians when they grow up

#727 Market Crash
1. broken suspension systems are giving auto repair shops plenty of business
2. historic buildings are being demolished to allow for road-widening in the city centre
3. solid steel breastplates are in fashion amongst city drivers
4. businesses are abandoning the city centre because of the lack of transport connections
5. the sidewalk is used as an overtaking lane by city drivers

#728 A Bone to Pick
1. scavengers with burlap sacks and shovels skulk around graveyards
2. ice-filled coffins are ominously positioned in the corner of every hospital ward
3. the morbidly obese often sell stock options on their own corpses
4. the deceased are buried mostly to hide them from state-sanctioned corpse-collectors
5. ritual mummification is making a comeback
6. ritual mummification is making a comeback

#729 Teenage Kicks
1. five-year-olds chanting "Little Miss Muffet" are accused of bullying arachnophobes
2. bruised children are made to thank their bullies for the valuable life lessons
3. the nation's weary schoolchildren excel at sport but must count scores on their fingers
4. the nation's weary schoolchildren excel at sport but must count scores on their fingers
5. it takes all playtime for children to locate their friends among two hundred identical heads

#730 It's Legal Now!
1. convicts released after being found "wrongfully imprisoned" are surprisingly chill about the whole thing
2. parole board directors light up a joint before telling hash-brownie baking grannies that they have to stay behind bars
3. chests full of green leaves dumped into the harbor have many murmuring against the government

#731 Is There an Election in Marche Noire or Are You Just Happy to See Us?
1. autocrats are persona non grata
2. foreign despots proudly bandstand on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ airwaves
3. the Great @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Melting Pot boils out ethnic heritage

#732 A Peeping Problem
1. supervisors in @@NAME@@ commonly tie bells on their necks to alert employees of their presence
2. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are regularly fired for looking at MyFace during their lunch breaks
3. workers tend to schedule naps during all-hands meetings

#733 The Path Less Traveled
1. exorbitant spending on icebreakers breaks the ice at every budget meeting
2. exorbitant spending on icebreakers breaks the ice at every budget meeting
3. every spring railroad foundations erode to reveal human remains
4. every spring railroad foundations erode to reveal human remains
5. there are six more weeks of winter if a northerner sees @@HIS/HER@@ shadow
6. aggressive promotion of global warming puts polar bears on thin ice

#734 A Word From Our Sponsors
1. advertisements read like science journal articles complete with extensive references
2. 9 out of 10 consumers think that vitamins can cure cancer
3. a lack of funding for new shows has turned television into 24/7 re-runs

#735 Rap Sheet
1. stony-faced prosecutors play loud gangster rap music during court proceedings
2. confessions don't count if suffixed with "izzle"
3. songs in 4/4 time are simply too common for the musical cognoscenti

#736 A Badly Named Issue
1. citizens must inform the government each time they have a haircut
2. the single-issue Chocolates for Convicts Party recently won several council seats
3. tyranny by any other name smells just as sour
4. expectant parents extensively research old court records before naming their child

#737 Bird-Brained Diplomacy
1. endangered species are effective hostages against the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ military
2. the military will start wars with other nations on a lark
3. when the air force says "Black Hawk Down" they mean the feathers of the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ dark-plume goshawk

#738 Cruel or Unusual?
1. drug lords often avoid prison time by teaching "chemistry" classes to underprivileged youth
2. an eye for an eye leaves @@NAME@@ blind
3. snooze factory is now prison lingo for rehabilitation center
4. child shoplifters spend half their youth behind bars

#739 In Loco Parentis
1. it's considered a civil right to be allowed to neglect and mistreat your own children
2. there's a literal nanny state for the legions of children taken by social services
3. fifteen-year-olds cannot walk younger siblings to school without a professional Childcare and Education Certificate

#740 [The Enemy Within] A Day in the Life
1. newspapers are running a front-page picture of @@LEADER@@ holding a crowbar and standing over a bloodied stockbroker [leads to #741]
2. carefully-staged grief is displayed by @@LEADER@@ after national disasters [leads to #741]
3. the nation has been sent to bed early for unspecified naughtiness [leads to #741]
4. @@LEADER@@ dines while @@CAPITAL@@ burns [end chain]

#741 [The Enemy Within] We Can Work It Out
1. police are trained in using their steel-capped boots as a tool of law enforcement [leads to #742]
2. police are trained in using their steel-capped boots as a tool of law enforcement [leads to #742]
3. pledging just four hours of spare time to police work earns a named credit on the government's official website [leads to #743]
4. police protocol is to arrest anyone who looks a bit foreign [leads to #743]
5. police aim to defeat hatred with love with their "hugs-for-thugs" program [leads to #744]
6. stun grenade flashes and assault weapon fire form the expected nocturnal soundscape of @@NAME@@ [leads to #742]
7. journalists often nap through tedious police press briefings [leads to #743]

#742 [The Enemy Within] And Your Bird Can Sing
1. tea and biscuits have replaced waterboarding and sleep deprivation as the primary tools of interrogation [leads to #745]
2. state-sanctioned torture is okay so long as there's no icky blood [leads to #745]
3. the state aims to prevent terrorism by committing acts of terror against suspected aggressors [leads to #745]

#743 [The Enemy Within] Here, There and Everywhere
1. everyone hates people who encourage hate [leads to #744]
2. purple armbands are being issued to Violetists for ease of identification [leads to #745]
3. nobody is allowed to mention what religion terrorists follow [leads to #744]
4. on streets of broken glass people are being murdered for their faith [leads to #745]

#744 [The Enemy Within] I Want to Hold Your Hand
1. the family of @@LEADER@@ bite their thumbs at paparazzi intrusions [leads to #745]
2. under love's heavy burden @@LEADER@@ sinks lower in the political right's esteem [used to be "under love's heavy burden @@LEADER@@'s approval ratings are sinking"] [leads to #745]
3. managed media presence leaves @@LEADER@@'s family smelling as sweet as roses [leads to #745]

#745 [The Enemy Within] This Bird Has Flown
1. foreign powers often deal with problems that @@NAME@@ can't handle [leads to #746]
2. spontaneous nocturnal decapitation is considered 'death by natural causes' for enemies of @@NAME@@ [leads to #746]
3. the military sees national borders more as guidelines than absolutes [leads to #746]
4. terrorist attacks are mostly met with shrugs of resignation [leads to #746]

#746 [The Enemy Within] There's a Place
1. for 25 @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ tourists can gawk at the site of national tragedy [end chain]
2. money always talks but the taboo subject of death just brings silence [end chain]
3. money always talks but the taboo subject of death just brings silence [end chain]
4. the national policy on terrorism is "forgive and forget" [end chain]
5. nobody dares to so much as wear violet-coloured clothing in public [end chain]

#747 The Plane Truth
1. travelers often bring empty plastic bottles on Air @@NAME@@ flights to avoid the pay lavatories
2. travelers often bring empty plastic bottles on Air @@NAME@@ flights to avoid the pay lavatories
3. on-duty Air @@NAME@@ flight attendants are usually seen napping in first class
4. Air @@NAME@@ tickets have reached sky-high prices due to a complete monopoly on air travel
5. Air @@NAME@@ is rumored to receive more government funding than the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Air Force
6. Air @@NAME@@ is rumored to receive more government funding than the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Air Force

#748 [The Enemy Within] In Spite of All the Danger
1. the government is coughing up funds for lung cancer victims
2. the new universal healthcare system has been dubbed @@LEADER@@-care by its detractors
3. the impoverished sick hang around outside golf clubs to beg for funding for healthcare
4. @@LEADER@@ has awarded @@LEADER@@ many medals in appreciation for @@LEADER@@'s awesomeness

#749 Not Mushroom for Error
1. park rangers perform full-body searches on suspected fungus smugglers
2. undergrads find their professors' mushroom experiments less psychedelic than expected
3. posters remind people that 'Hoarding Mushrooms Is Theft'
4. urbanites are banned from bucolic settings for safety concerns
5. the number of deaths due to poor fungus identification is mushrooming

#750 Cheerleading Community Does the Splits
1. a suspicious number of male students have joined the Ladies' Wrestling League
2. boys who even ask about cheerleading are placed on the Sex Offenders Register
3. fitness to teach sport is proven by urinating the furthest up a wall

#751 @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ Breed Contempt
1. no animal is considered endangered if there's another that looks kind of like it
2. gardeners must genetically test weeds for unique traits before digging them up
3. condos feature wall-mounted cages containing endangered animals

#752 The Immortal Cells of Mrs. Gratwick
1. the dartboard at the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Cancer Research Charity bears a picture of @@LEADER@@'s face
2. any body part that can be cut off a person is no longer considered to be their property
3. exports of chewing gum are inexplicably falling

#753 I've Got My Ion You
1. friendly fire incidents usually result in severe burns
2. owners of man-portable particle accelerator backpacks are advised not to cross the streams
3. soldiers find that home gadgets and power tools are more effective as improvised weapons than the guns they've been issued
4. the decommissioned tank divisions of other nations are being bought up en masse by @@NAME@@

#754 The Hit Parade
1. the voyages of obsolete star-trekking satellites on deliberate escape orbits are only just beginning
2. there's never enough space in space
3. half of @@NAME@@ just lost MyFace after space debris collided with a major communications satellite

#755 Candid Camera
1. @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ that venture near secret military bases are routinely executed for espionage
2. @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ that venture near secret military bases are shipped off to prison for espionage
3. intelligence agencies frequently invite passers-by into their secret vaults for tea and biscuits
4. purported secret military bases are dismissed by @@LEADER@@ to be highly-advanced toilet factories
5. the government has announced its plans to construct a giant weaponised robot-cat

#756 The Issue With Issues
1. aides are afraid to ask if @@LEADER@@ wants a cup of tea or coffee
2. @@LEADER@@ can often be found attempting to coax random citizens' cats down from trees
3. the question of 'what is @@LEADER@@'s favorite color?' has been given a priority rating of burnt-orange
4. only clowns with PhDs from clown college can advise @@LEADER@@ on @@NAME@@'s coulrophobia epidemic

#757 Extra Credit?
1. lending money has become a major liability
2. parents often ask to see a credit report before lending money to their own children
3. credit scores fluctuate wildly with every change of government

#758 Bye Bye to the Birdies?
1. it is illegal to brush crumbs off your clothing outdoors
2. the weather in @@CAPITAL@@ is always 'pigeons with a chance of droppings'
3. authorities are looking for a stool pigeon to rat out who is stealing food from pigeon toilets

#759 Marry, Marry, Quite Contrarily
1. bitter pastors forced to officiate gay marriage 'accidentally' pronounce couples "husband and abomination"
2. gay couples have to travel to Brancaland to find a church that will actually let them wed
3. the government's stance on marriage is 'Let @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ marry themselves'

#760 A Debatable Question
1. an aboriginal talking stick is used for leaders' debates at election time
2. election debates consists mostly of two grey suits arguing over how to best preserve the status quo
3. election debates consists mostly of two grey suits arguing over how to best preserve the status quo
4. the new 'Who Wants To Be A Politician' election debate auditions are more popular than the debates themselves
5. people typically base their votes on which party has the cutest logo

#761 As Seen on TV
1. a violent scene on television results in mass mobilization of the National Guard
2. actors are arrested and interrogated if they play terrorists on TV
3. the government denies that it has an agency overseeing plausible deniability of black-ops agencies
4. religious terrorism is considered to be an Act of God by insurance companies

#762 Double Down on Double Time?
1. the price of takeaway food quadruples after 6pm
2. takeaway food bought on the weekend now comes with fifty percent more sweat and tears
3. tumbleweed drifts through the nation's shopping centres during the weekends

#763 Any Body for Science?
1. sneezing pedestrians are grabbed by alley-lurking doctors
2. the consent form for routine blood pressure measurement has been nominated for the 'Novel Of The Year' award
3. the most penniless demographics have by far the highest number of researchers per capita

#764 Dude, Where's My Elected Representative?
1. translators have been hired to deal with the varying regional accents during national political debates
2. most voters only see their chosen representative visit once every election cycle
3. politicians are often seen attending regional history classes at primary schools within their constituencies

#765 Don't Judge Me
1. judicial robes are the country's hottest fashion trend
2. murderers with law degrees can be seen swinging the gavel in courts
3. unemployed judges can be found squatting in abandoned courthouses
4. traffic tickets are punishable by 9000 push-ups
5. judges who serve for life or good behavior can expect to stay for a week

#766 Carbon Emissions Are Why We Can't Have Nice Things
1. business leaders commend the government for enacting an emissions reduction strategy that reduces no @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ emissions at all
2. industry leaders commend the government for enacting an emissions reduction strategy that reduces no @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ emissions at all
3. the carbon tax fund gladly supplies warm blankets when the poor can't pay their heating bills
4. with increasingly clear skies nobody seems to mind the electricity bill going through the roof
5. @@LEADER@@ has incinerated the international climate treaty in a public coal-burning ceremony

#767 Xe Said, Zhe Said
1. saying 'Hi Guys' to a mixed gender group of people at work is a fireable offense
2. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ refer to transgender people with insults instead of pronouns
3. youth call each other types of vegetables in lieu of government-banned racial insults

#768 Trouble Brewing
1. black tea is only available on the black market
2. the nation grinds to a halt for afternoon tea
3. machine-peeled candied grapes come in individual packaging for the busy commuter
4. the song 'They Got an Awful Lot of Coffee in @@NAME@@' is a smash hit

#769 How to Print Money?
1. police regularly arrest families playing Monopoly
2. the tinfoil-hat crowd also recommend tinfoil wallets
3. most @@CURRENCY@@ coins are riddled with bite marks
4. shopkeepers use microscopes to verify the authenticity of banknotes
5. the barter economy has taken over as the @@CURRENCY@@ has become worthless

#770 Vaping Up a Storm
1. sniffer dogs are trained to follow clouds of fruity-smelling vapor
2. kids' party bags often contain candy and e-cigarettes
3. there is a heavy social stigma attached to e-cigarettes

#771 Drug Up the Prices
1. cold medicines curiously become cheaper when government officials sneeze
2. both illness and poverty are seen as signs of low moral worth
3. former pharmaceutical company owners have lost their healthy incomes
4. the government is constantly playing a game of four-dimensional economic chess with health insurance firms

#772 Do You Have Artistic License?
1. dentists routinely perform open heart surgery
2. ten-year-olds are applying for lemonade stand operator licences
3. the right school tie opens more doors than the right qualification

#773 Know Thy Selfie
1. @@LEADER@@'s media campaigns take a hiatus around exam week
2. @@LEADER@@'s online image is the very model of a modern major leader
3. @@LEADER@@ makes and breaks shaky peace deals in 140 characters or less
4. @@LEADER@@ affectionately nicknames supporters by number

#774 Clean Switch
1. dubiously qualified Skandilundian barristers keep referring to laws as 'government guidelines'
2. dubiously qualified East Lebatuckese doctors prescribe ice baths as a treatment for pneumonia
3. janitors and factory workers are often better educated than the bosses they work for
4. immigrants complain that natives keep coming over and taking their jobs

#775 Affirmative Election?
1. every politician claims to be at least 1% Native @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@
2. voting district maps are said to resemble a tyrannosaurus eating the capital
3. group photos of the members of parliament are often mistaken for family reunions
4. most politicians belong to the Church of the Divine Kickback

#776 Fake News, Everyone!
1. the nation's youth would rather watch paint dry than the news
2. the leading national news source is 'my cousin Billy-Bob on MyFace'
3. editorials that criticize the government are legally obligated to display the "pants on fire" warning

#777 Betting on the Future
1. no cul-de-sac or trailer park is complete without a gambling parlor
2. casino tax breaks are even bigger than their jackpots
3. tax returns detail how many games of slots each citizen will be able to play with their refund

#778 Mal Appetit!
1. those who don't have a bean to spend don't know a bean about Brasilistanian coffee beans
2. celebrity foodies are biting a huge chunk out of the government budget
3. the year's most anticipated show is "Great Deals on Delicious Meals"
4. senior executives have become freelance basket-weavers in search of less stress and better work-life balance

#779 We're Dying for Your Business
1. burial ceremonies have become as routinised as tax forms
2. open-casket funerals are avoided at all cost
3. a new religious movement claims that people's souls are stored in phosphorus
4. the dead of @@NAME@@ have taken on a healthy glow

#780 Vexing VAT
1. @@LEADER@@ has been seen stealthily slicing fifths off bread loaves
2. sweet-toothed @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have been left penniless by the VAT on candy
3. the richest individuals apparently buy nothing but noodles and toilet paper

#781 The White Man's Burden
1. saying that someone looks a bit pale can be construed as hate speech
2. religious bigotry is not allowed but bigotry against theism is encouraged
3. people spend a lot on hair and nails
4. people spend a lot on hair and nails
5. white privilege is a real thing

#782 Sit-Down Money
1. traffic cops are puzzled to see that nobody exceeds the speed limits
2. teddy bears and pajamas have replaced briefcases and suits in @@NAME@@'s offices
3. employees are told they can avoid traffic jams by starting work at 4 AM
4. doctors are trying to diagnose diseases by looking at their patients' Snipchat pictures

#783 Sergeant McCool Reporting for Duty
1. weighted heels are added to military boots to ensure diminutive celebrities meet minimum requirements
2. subscribing to the Benevolence Society for Impoverished Leaders is an effective way to dodge the draft
3. military instructors tire of being asked for another bedtime story by seven-year-old conscripts
4. conscripts often volunteer for a second tour of duty so they can get a ticket to next year's Army Revue

#784 The Driving Force
1. Formula One cars in @@NAME@@ boast 56 miles per gallon
2. the country's motorways are surprisingly quiet
3. double-parking is on the rise as automobile numbers increase
4. many believe climate change is a liberal media fiction
5. mail and shipped goods take forever to get to buyers

#785 Born to Be My Baby
1. surrogate mothers are encouraged to refer to their wombs as 'rental space'
2. there is a growing belief that mothers love their children more than fathers
3. divorcees attending custody disputes tend to wear black-and-white zigzag patterns
4. busy commuters no longer hear the cries of "I want some more!" on the nation's streets

#786 Tainted Tattoos
1. sales of disinfectant wipes have skyrocketed
2. getting an infected tattoo is considered a rite of passage in @@NAME@@
3. clergy do their best to cover up their old tattoos
4. gangs have taken to secret handshakes after tattoos were banned

#787 Come Fly With Me?
1. airplane passengers who purchase "basic economy" tickets are often assigned seats in the lavatory
2. when you fly on Air @@NAME@@ you win a seat or you die
3. @@ANIMAL@@-wagons to @@CAPITAL@@ are often canceled due to excessive levels of manure on the roads

#788 Duel Purposes [used to be "Duel Problems"]
1. citizens are encouraged to show displeasure with politicians by poking them with sharp metal sticks [leads to #1529]
2. citizens are encouraged to show displeasure with politicians by poking them with sharp metal sticks [leads to #1529]
3. Harry Potter conventions are closely watched by the government for any signs of 'dueling'
4. angry men scowl at each other across chess boards
5. citizens frequently duel to decide who gets to go for jury duty
6. the legal system for the political class is completely separate from the one for normal citizens

#789 [@@CAPITAL@@gate] @@CAPITAL@@gate
1. government spokespeople are working overtime trying to convince concerned citizens that @@LEADER@@ is not a crook [leads to #790]
2. government critics have noticed a lot of new neighbors with expensive surveillance equipment in their garages [leads to #791]
3. @@LEADER@@ is frequently seen begging critics to stop insulting the government [leads to #792]

#790 [@@CAPITAL@@gate] The Art of the Distraction
1. @@LEADER@@ claims no responsibility for what @@LEADER@@'s government does [leads to #793]
2. the death glare has replaced the handshake as a national greeting [leads to #794]
3. those on @@LEADER@@'s rumored 'Enemies List' tend to disappear overnight [leads to #795]

#791 [@@CAPITAL@@gate] The Smoking Gun?
1. the government claims that @@LEADER@@'s political enemies literally take candy from babies [leads to #795]
2. the government operates on the idea that you can't be betrayed if you get your betrayals in first and fastest [leads to #796]
3. paranoia is the new normal [leads to #794]

#792 [@@CAPITAL@@gate] Why Can't We Be Friends?
1. politicians who misplace decimal points on expense reports are fired for gross incompetence [leads to #793]
2. several cabinet ministers have complained that @@LEADER@@ is giving them the evil eye [leads to #796]
3. nobody accepts @@LEADER@@'s dinner invitations anymore [leads to #795]

#793 [@@CAPITAL@@gate] Knock Knock. Who's There? Not You Anymore!
1. snap elections are called whenever there's a chance to increase @@LEADER@@'s majority [leads to #797]
2. a revolving door was recently installed at the entrance of the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Capitol Building [leads to #797]
3. the entirety of @@LEADER@@'s administration can be crammed into a phone booth [leads to #797]
4. @@LEADER@@'s new office is 6 by 8 feet with steel walls and a barred door [leads to #797]

#794 [@@CAPITAL@@gate] Fear and Loathing in @@CAPITAL@@
1. citizens patriotically sing the government's praises while glancing nervously over their shoulder [leads to #797]
2. citizens who inform on their neighbors can trade government "loyalty points" for food and other prizes [leads to #797]
3. dissidents are often found dead with the very injuries @@LEADER@@ mentioned in recent press conferences [leads to #797]
4. the @@CAPITAL@@ Police often confuse their exploding pens for real ones [leads to #797]

#795 [@@CAPITAL@@gate] Lock Him Up!
1. critics of @@LEADER@@ literally can't find their head on their shoulders [leads to #797]
2. dissidents' perp walks are repeatedly shown during prime time television [leads to #797]
3. the government operates on a policy of compliance through intimidation [leads to #797]
4. the sword tends to be mightier than the pen in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ politics [leads to #797]

#796 [@@CAPITAL@@gate] It's Dangerous to Go Alone!
1. propaganda posters remind citizens that 'opinions are treason' [leads to #797]
2. state media sings the praises of Greatest Hero Beloved Dear Leader @@LEADER@@ [leads to #797]
3. the nation's unofficial motto is "Fear Thy Neighbour" [leads to #797]
4. the government has an odd policy of calling snap elections at its lowest ebb of popularity [leads to #797]

#797 [@@CAPITAL@@gate] Yesterday's News
1. schoolchildren are taught to boo and hiss at @@LEADER@@'s name [end chain]
2. citizens are required by law to prominently display a portrait of @@LEADER@@ in their homes [end chain]
3. citizens who don't display the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ flag on their property are placed on a terrorist watch list [end chain]
4. political cartoons depicting @@LEADER@@'s face on @@A@@ @@ANIMAL@@'s buttocks are selling like hotcakes [end chain]
5. state-controlled media is known for telling the truth... from a certain point of view [end chain]
6. the nation is regarded as a paragon of democracy [end chain]
7. statues of @@LEADER@@ can be found on every street [end chain]
8. schools are forbidden to teach anything that might paint the government in a negative light [end chain]

#798 A Periodic Issue of Elementary Nature
1. prankster scientists legally change their names to silly pseudonyms before major discoveries
2. newly synthesized elements' half-lives are a million times shorter than the time it takes to say their names
3. one complaint of @@NAME@@'s new periodic table is it's easy to confuse fearlessleaderium with gloriousleaderium
4. oxygen is commonly known as 'breathinium'

#799 A Political Cock-Up
1. politicians sweat as journalists scour internet archives for any mention of them
2. unpopular politicians are often caught between a rock and a hard place
3. politicians "baring all" for the camera isn't always a figure of speech

#800 Please Call 1-800-NTA-VRUS, Your Government May Be Compromised
1. government employees have reverted to carrier pigeon due to never-ending virus scans
2. pictures of government employees with expensive Pearbooks 'working' on exotic beaches dominate local tabloids
3. government workers are more efficient and more unhappy than ever
4. printing out government documents requires the approval of at least three admins
5. organisations with 800 in their phone number are often raided by special forces
6. the government is eagerly awaiting a multi-million @@CURRENCY@@ payment from a deposed Smalltopian monarch

#801 Animation Provocation
1. Tom and Jerry cartoons have cat and mouse resolving their problems with reasoned discussion
2. military doctrine says not to open fire until you see the "beady little eyes" of Johnny Foreigner
3. toy versions of heroin paraphernalia let kids pretend to be their favourite TV characters
4. the realistic depiction of tentacles is on the core syllabus of most art schools

#802 No Lock, No Gun Stock, and No Smoking Barrels
1. military pistols are more secure than the national treasury
2. you don't need a smoking gun to arrest someone for promoting guns
3. banned objects are regularly legalized if they've been successfully stolen from the government
4. wars are filled with soldiers wielding machetes and chainsaws for safety reasons

#803 Park That Thought
1. a faint smell of body odour can be detected at several miles' distance from the National Science Park
2. cogitators and mass debaters are skiving off work to hang around the National Symposium Park
3. bald-headed monks sit around the National Meditation Park looking smugly content
4. national surveys report that bellies are getting fuller while heads are getting emptier
5. national surveys report that bellies are getting fuller while heads are getting emptier

#804 Motivational Posters
1. internet trolls are considered valiant supporters of the right to free speech
2. telling someone to 'break a leg' is considered a criminal inducement to self harm
3. rubber stamp emojis are the new craze

#805 Solving a Dissolving Dilemma
1. citizens are exhausted from weekly general elections
2. depression sinks in after each election when voters realize they are stuck with these people for years
3. new legislators take a week-long class entitled "Keeping Your Job: How to Avoid Offending @@LEADER@@"

#806 Unlicensed to Kill
1. executions often take hours as amateurs attempt to find veins
2. good-looking doctors are obliged by law to give foot rubs to @@LEADER@@
3. under doctor's orders @@LEADER@@ is going on a diet and abolishing capital punishment
4. cruel and unusual punishments are being crowdsourced

#807 Have War Crimes, Will Travel
1. the nation's reputation for treachery has left it sidelined on the international stage
2. the nation's diplomats shake hands with those whose hands are drenched in the blood of innocents
3. foreign leaders with unpaid parking tickets are often refused entry
4. peace talks occasionally rack up a higher body count than the wars they seek to stop

#808 Big Trouble in Little Dàguó
1. the government advises foreign diplomats to speak softly and carry a big bag of cash
2. the government supplies ragtag bands of resistance fighters in exchange for vague promises of future payment
3. the government's foreign policy statements are less threatening than a World Assembly cease-and-desist letter
4. it is often said that only @@LEADER@@ could bring down Dàguó

#809 So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
1. demand for night vision goggles and boat engine mufflers has spiked
2. tourists on boat cruises can't figure out why they smell so fishy afterward
3. neighboring nations are tired of @@LEADER@@'s big fish stories
4. neighboring nations are tired of @@LEADER@@'s big fish stories
5. the single fish caught by @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ fishers last year is cited as evidence of @@NAME@@'s thriving fisheries

#810 Armed and Unready
1. incompetent former soldiers have been re-employed as incompetent cleaners and kitchen staff
2. the nation is famous for bravely sending wave after wave of its soldiers until the enemy runs out of bullets
3. high-tech infantry rifles automatically reload when the soldier shoots outside the screen of their helmet HUD
4. wheelchair-enabled paratroopers need access ramps to get onto planes but not off them
5. nobody is forced to join the armed forces

#811 Get Baked
1. cotton candy made from genuine cotton cellulose doesn't quite satisfy
2. dessert dishes make up the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ breakfast menu
3. grandparents tell young ones tales of the good old days when people had cake on their birthday
4. it is illegal for a parent to tell a child to stop eating their boogers [used to be "parents are legally not allowed to tell a child to stop eating their boogers"]

#812 The Old Boys' Club
1. orientation videos remind rookie female politicians that slaps on the bottom are perfectly acceptable forms of communication
2. politicians suffer insomnia after a former small-town mayor released her searing bestseller 'Deboning Political Turkeys: Primed for Minister'
3. several politicians have resigned following clarifications that "bribe" and "donation" are not actually synonyms
4. asking about politics will earn a man a head pat and warnings that government is the woman's sphere
5. a twice-bankrupted businessman's promotion to Minister of Finance has caused concern

#813 A Little Birdie Told Me
1. foreign leaders' Twitcher accounts are monitored for potential threats to national security
2. it is believed that belligerence is a passing phase foreign leaders will soon outgrow
3. @@LEADER@@'s Twitcher account is typically used to share @@ANIMAL@@ memes rather than government policy [leads to #833]

#814 A Topic of Ethical Import
1. it ain't easy to be green enough to be imported into @@NAME@@
2. vats of anabolic steroids are being dumped into the ocean to make @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ mussels the biggest in @@REGION@@
3. concerned environmentalists wipe away their tears with tissues sourced from Tasmanian old-growth redwoods

#815 Embargoed In
1. nuclear submarines have been deployed to protect the nation's banana supply
2. the government is hungry to spread communism beyond the nation's borders
3. there is a law against "filthy foreign food"
4. half of the nation's import/export industry is run from a location known only as 'Dead Man's Cove'
5. the nation is devoted to world peas

#816 A Hot Topic
1. where there's smoke there's the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Forestry Department
2. the Forestry Department has decided you really can't fight fire with fire
3. government employees from @@NAME@@ dominate international lumberjack competitions
4. government employees from @@NAME@@ dominate international lumberjack competitions

#817 Back-Alley Blues
1. official medical guidelines insist that childbirth is 'almost totally painless'
2. women often give birth before they can even get an abortion procedural form
3. alleyways are now mostly used for illegal drug deals rather than illegal surgical procedures
4. women who miscarry have their death-masks displayed in the Wax Museum's "Sociopaths and Serial Killers Exhibit"
5. women who miscarry have their death-masks displayed in the Wax Museum's "Sociopaths and Serial Killers Exhibit"

#818 We Are Not Amused
1. homeowners on prime real estate have been seen dodging giant bulldozers with cartoon characters painted on them
2. residents of new housing subdivisions complain about the total absence of supermarkets and restaurants
3. the skeletons of lost tourists litter the ground of the Great @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Desert
4. visitors to Violet Rock City are stunned to learn that they must memorize the "99 Principles" before entering

#819 Damned Cold
1. the term cold case has taken on a very literal meaning
2. the police turn a blind eye to desecration if it's done in the name of religion or protest
3. superstitious folk make gestures to ward off evil whenever they see a refrigeration unit
4. straitjackets are a common religious garb

#820 These Heels Weren't Made for Working
1. police officers often head to work wearing onesies and fluffy pink bunny-slippers
2. a stocking with a crooked seam or a tie without a full Windsor knot are grounds for instant dismissal
3. ruff times are ahead for those who aren't keen on party costumes

#821 A Switch in Time Kills Nine
1. there's a bright dawn ahead for @@NAME@@
2. meetings are often scheduled for "about four-ish" following complete conversion to sundials
3. it is illegal to have the wrong clock time showing on your microwave oven

#822 Never Work With Children
1. diaper ads feature vertically-challenged adults wearing bootees
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ actors literally work from cradle to grave
3. teenage TV characters are played by thirty-year-olds by the end of the second season

#823 Where the Sun Don't Shine
1. shivering secretaries type letters under torrential downpours in open-roof offices
2. citizens sport solarium-kissed tans that are perfectly even except for the occasional melanoma
3. doughnut-makers claim their products are healthy because they are fortified with vitamins
4. women find themselves saying "my eyes are up here" more often than they used to

#824 Period Drama
1. tampons are used as cheap fishing bobbers
2. the government has pledged that not one drop of its citizens' blood will be spilt
3. sanitary products are sold in brown paper at hairdressers' salons
4. giant beards and handlebar moustaches are increasingly popular

#825 Bugging Out on Beef
1. urban entrepreneurs are busy introducing cockroaches into restaurant kitchens
2. ersatz chicken has left the nation's citizens with a bad taste in their mouths
3. cricket farmers use magnifying glasses to fit every member of their herd with tiny tracking tags
4. diners regard burgers made from mechanically reclaimed cow protein as "proper meat"
5. finding half a worm in your apple is an arrestable offense
6. finding half a worm in your apple is an arrestable offense

#826 Licensing Driving @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Crazy
1. it takes months to get the proper permits for a child's first tricycle
2. for just a few extra @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ can get new driving records with their new cars
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ visiting rural Southern @@ANIMAL@@ Village can get their driving records clean for a small fee
4. hit and run driving is no longer a crime - it's the national sport

#827 Making Money Hand Over Fist
1. professional athletes juggle part-time jobs to avoid bankruptcy
2. CEOs are forced to cut coupons during important conference calls to make ends meet
3. major boxing matches are held in government buildings
4. sports journals are full of uplifting puff-pieces on professional boxers

#828 Your Execution in 30 Years or Less or You're Free
1. death row inmates cower in fear at the phrase "one-year anniversary"
2. the government would rather execute a hundred innocent men than let one guilty one appeal a verdict
3. old age is the nation's leading method of execution
4. Court TV ratings have skyrocketed now that executions are filmed on location
5. the Violet Mile now refers to the long line-ups that former death row inmates wait in as they transfer to maximum security prisons

#829 Winning at Battleship
1. ships are encouraged to deliberately run aground onto @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ beaches
2. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ war navy contains an oddly large number of luxury yachts and cruise liners
3. commercial ships often report keel and hull damage from coral reef impacts
4. a rusted hulk in @@CAPITAL@@ harbour has been voted the worst eyesore in @@REGION@@

#830 Unreasonable Adjustments?
1. blind students are at a disadvantage now that test papers printed in braille have been discontinued
2. employers are finding it hard to screen candidates now that everyone gets A grades in their exams
3. children who can't memorize their multiplication tables are sent to the mines
4. children who can't memorize their multiplication tables are sent to the mines

#831 Give Us a Break, @@LEADER@@
1. collisions between bicycles and carnival floats are on the rise
2. creating cardboard imitations of missiles is a new top-secret military project
3. fireworks and other big bangs are forbidden during the newest public holiday
4. escalators are avoided at all costs
5. sick days are on the rise

#832 Moderating Your Opinion
1. internet sites are legally unable to stop their users from posting pornography
2. knock-knock jokes regularly get removed from websites for being too edgy
3. asking what someone does for a living is considered a faux pax for being potentially jobist
4. '.lib' or '.con' domains indicate whether @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ websites are meant for liberals or conservatives

#833 Twitching Up a Storm
1. @@LEADER@@'s Twitcher account is once again only used for bragging about the government's accomplishments
2. politicians tend to favor bombastic speeches and kissing babies now that they've been banned from social media
3. restaurant owners fear visits from government officials more than the actual food critics
4. internet flame wars have been known to cause real-world casualties

#834 Government and CO
1. people accuse the government of being in bed with Big Safety
2. conspiracy theorists allege that the government is spying on them through their carbon monoxide detectors
3. in government offices a hidden killer takes the lives of ministers and civil servants
4. centuries-old marble buildings are being torn down and replaced with corrugated steel wind tunnels

#835 The End Is in Sight?
1. the most popular stadium acts are one-off performances
2. hit TV show 'The eXecution Factor' is a critical success
3. executions are marked by quiet dignity and maybe a final round or two of whist
4. the nation's apology for those it has executed in the last year has come a little late for some

#836 Don't Drink the Grape Punch
1. the nation's faithful often say there is a higher power watching over them
2. the "right of sanctuary" stops police pursuit into temples and churches
3. the "right of sanctuary" stops police pursuit into temples and churches
4. prolonged government investigations are a common revenge tactic among spurned significant others
5. chewing tree bark proves to have limited value during childbirth

#837 Wag the Dog
1. tax revenue is often intercepted by international accountants before ever seeing the national treasury
2. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ delegation to the World Assembly is having a hard time convincing people that international law will "pay for itself somehow..."
3. creative compliance measures ensure that high-ranking officials live in luxury while the country's coffers collect cobwebs
4. shorter foreigners are often forcibly deported on suspicion of working for the World Assembly [resigns from the World Assembly]

#838 The Bark Knight Rises
1. Dogman-branded weapons are all the rage in the militaristic comic-book community
2. people can't decide between preserving forests and buying print copies of 'Dogman Versus The Giggler'
3. women have a strange proclivity for dressing up as caped weasels
4. comic books avoid plot inconsistencies by removing the plot
5. adults hang around outside comic stores to ask kids to go and buy magazines for them

#839 "Partisanship Too Far?" Wrongly Asks Opposition
1. reporters who negatively comment on politicians' haircuts are cut from the news
2. dinner parties often end in politically charged fist fights
3. the government thinks @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ can achieve social cohesion by drinking soda together
4. street graffiti indicates the political party that dominates a neighborhood

#840 Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
1. the standardised national curriculum requires that all-male classes be taught why they have periods
2. the nation's teens are known for their habit of kissing through plastic wrap
3. honeymoon suites can be located by following newlywed couples' shrieks of "what's that?"
4. ratings for schools' curricula range from 'Pure as the Driven Snow' to 'Late Night TV'

#841 Burn Noticed
1. the Man in the Plastic Mask has been imprisoned in the Capital Penitentiary
2. one of the most popular models in @@NAME@@ has a scarred face and one working eye
3. hospitals are cleaned with lemons and vinegar
4. women should never trust a man who turns up to a first date with an open bottle in his hand

#842 @@LEADER@@ and the Chocolate Factory
1. the tightness of border controls in @@NAME@@ leave a little to be desired
2. chocolate in @@NAME@@ has its flavour enhanced by the salty tears of enslaved factory workers
3. short shrift is being given to applications for political asylum from illegal immigrants

#843 Quacking Up
1. medical experts advise that those claiming to be medical experts are probably fraudsters
2. new treatments are rejected if they cannot be explained using only one-syllable words
3. the acceptance of acupuncture and other alternative therapies has needled the scientific community

#844 Essentially on Strike
1. the nation's police officers are famously miserable-looking
2. the thin blue line is composed of picketing police officers demanding better pensions
3. worried-looking neonatal nurses are being deployed in place of SWAT teams during dangerous drug busts

#845 A Comedy of Errors
1. politicians are forced to wear portable lie detectors at all times
2. the comic book series '@@LEADER@@ and the Villainous Corporate Cronies' is a best-seller
3. illegal book-trafficking rings dominate the black market
4. the government-sponsored autobiography '@@A@@ @@LEADER@@ For All Seasons' has only been bought by the most loyal of @@LEADER@@'s supporters

#846 Use Your Words
1. politicians preface their speeches with a declaration that any resemblance to speeches given by individuals living or dead is purely coincidental
2. @@LEADER@@'s recent "I have a dream that we will fight them by raking muck on the beaches" speech seems a little derivative to many
3. political speeches always take place at sunset to a background of patriotic power ballads
4. the recital of citations that follows any political speech can be longer than the speech itself

#847 All the Lonely People
1. the national census includes an opt-in to join the government-run dating service
2. retirement apartments house giggling grannies who delightedly watch blank TVs all day long
3. disposable antiseptic wipes are considered a social necessity
4. lonely people are supposed to be cheered up by the many parties that they are never invited to
5. it is illegal to comfort a crying baby between the hours of 6 pm and 8 pm

#848 It's a Girl Thing
1. all children's clothes come in only cream and off-white to prevent offense
2. baby boys who pick up pink crayons are sent to a psychiatric ward
3. baby boys who pick up pink crayons are sent to a psychiatric ward
4. adverts depict men giving birth while cursing the women who got them into trouble

#849 Sky High
1. children are terrified that the 'flying police monster' will come to take them away in the night
2. crackheads chase drug-loaded drones in hopes of a lucky drop
3. drones are unable to lift the weight of their accompanying paperwork

#850 The Prints and the Slaughter
1. dreams of replicator technology have been dashed following a ban on 3D printers
2. mass shootings have become the new normal
3. 3D printed organs are a breath of new life for the sick and elderly

#851 Commercial Tidings Well in Advance
1. retail stores are known for creating their own oddly-similar holidays in the months preceding any major festivity
2. mall countdown clocks warn that there are only 364 more shopping days until Maxxmas
3. retail boutiques encourage citizens to honor their military veterans by purchasing flag-patterned underwear
4. retail boutiques encourage citizens to honor their military veterans by purchasing flag-patterned underwear
5. citizens who want to celebrate the holidays generally deck the halls with old newspaper trimmings and dirty socks
6. holiday gift-giving is often peppered with songs of praise to morally-questionable televangelists

#852 Brown Breeches Thanks to Speeches
1. members of the government all have oddly similar anecdotes about their childhoods
2. lip-readers are often left perplexed by political rallies
3. lip-readers are often left perplexed by political rallies
4. shouting contests are an important part of government job interviews [used to be "the national shouting contest has become an important part of the electoral process"]
5. no one is quite sure what many government officials look like

#853 Silence Is Golden
1. on-call doctors who check their pagers during movies are banned from cinemas for life
2. citizens no longer take selfies with their dead relatives at funerals
3. from the highest mountain to the deepest cave - one can always count on finding a good cell signal in @@NAME@@

#854 An Armory of Antiques
1. reinventing the wheel is a favourite pastime of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ weapons designers
2. the bayonet is cutting-edge technology
3. the military lends out its new fighter jets as easily as a good neighbor lending out his garden tools
4. army gunpowder stores are being commandeered to make pretty fireworks and sparklers

#855 Thin Evidence
1. parents receive hefty fines for telling kids to eat their vegetables
2. it is customary to begin the summer with a fasting ritual in which people eat nothing but kumquat smoothies
3. children must make a homemade spinach and ricotta rotolo by high school or be held back
4. the criminal underworld is dominated by cupcake smugglers and back-alley doughnut shops

#856 You Got Stones
1. the experimental sculpture "Overtures In Dried @@ANIMAL@@ Dung" has been declared a national treasure
2. Brancaland has gifted over nine thousand putrid moose carcasses to @@NAME@@ as a reminder of their "special relationship"
3. art criticism in @@NAME@@ is scathingly destructive
4. stone wrist watches that weigh 20lb are the latest trend

#857 Are You There God Particle? It's Me, @@LEADER@@
1. schoolchildren must pass a six-month Ethics and Safety Committee Assessment before they are allowed to mix baking soda and vinegar
2. mathematicians are gathering an infinite number of @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ and typewriters to see if they can recreate the works of Max Barry
3. the new Grand Inquisitor of Righteous Scientific Inquiry has ordered a surprising amount of hemlock
4. scientific laboratories are being converted into houses of worship at an alarming rate
5. the government's official stance on scientific inquiry is 'there's no question so big that it can't be ignored'

#858 Reporting for (Jury) Duty
1. pretending to be prejudiced is a good way to get out of jury duty
2. a five-year-old and a convicted terrorist can sit alongside one another in jury service
3. judges are rumored to find in favor of whoever bribes them the most
4. the "blue screen of death" forces many trials to be either aborted or restarted

#859 A Cola by Any Other Name
1. a burger chain recently changed its name to Mack Donaldz for legal reasons
2. citizens need a magnifying glass and color chart to distinguish between nearly identical brand labels
3. citizens try to ignore gruesome pictures of decaying teeth printed on their soda cans

#860 A Blast From the Past
1. the tools of the trade for landmine clearance appear to be copious amounts of gasoline and a box of matches
2. Bigtopian relations have become a minefield
3. students learn how to disarm mines before understanding basic arithmetic
4. military equipment stores have a tendency to go up in flames

#861 Out With the Old
1. the elderly are killed softly with a song
2. tourists visiting the nation are warned not to drink local tap water
3. citizens worry more about a split end than their deceased parent
4. people still need you and they still feed you when you're sixty-five

#862 Friends Close, Enemies Closer
1. @@LEADER@@ seems to wear red a lot these days
2. communists in @@NAME@@ note that wealth should be equal but that some should have more of that equality than others
3. a giant 'No Entry' sign is being erected at the borders of @@NAME@@
4. the government seems embarrassed to be seen governing
5. many believe that @@LEADER@@ rules by divine right
6. manufacturers are annoyed that they're not allowed to dump industrial waste into the nearest lake any more
7. each infantry rifle comes pre-loaded with a single white carnation in the barrel
8. the government has declared that too much democracy gets in the way of sensible leadership
9. government ministers sport new billboards that read 'Will Trade Votes for Private Members' Bill Support'

#863 Oiling the Wheels of Diplomacy
1. the country is rumored to be a Brancalandian puppet state
2. the moral worth of national allies is judged by their GDP
3. military training in @@NAME@@ emphasizes the tactical advantages of stabbing backs
4. the government is proud to report that ten percent of all tax revenue goes to funding suspected terrorist organizations

#864 The Missionary Position
1. foreign converts are illuminated by both missionaries and helicopter searchlights
2. gigantic marble churches take up almost half the land area of small villages
3. becoming a missionary is a sure-fire route to martyrdom

#865 A Funeral for a Fiend?
1. war criminals are given full state funerals
2. children dream of becoming physicians and physicists
3. statues of famous citizens are erected or demolished on a purely partisan basis
4. the government only announces the deaths of its members when it's convenient

#866 O Medication, Where Art Thou?
1. pharmaceutical companies emphatically promise that "your pills are in the mail" rather than admit any supply shortfall
2. cooking with water and baking soda is considered patent infringement
3. every fourth child is born with flippers instead of hands
4. government agents stalk the aisles of grocery stores for out-of-stock medications
5. rubbing salt into wounds is seen as a good thing if it is 100% organic garlic-and-thyme salt

#867 Museums: Things of the Past?
1. museums have more touchscreens on display than artifacts
2. education is transforming people into first-rate snobs
3. the Gallery of Instasnap is the most popular museum in the country
4. the Gallery of Amusing Cat Photographs is the most popular museum in the country
5. the nation's historic treasures have been sold off to Maxtopia's "Museum of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Artifacts That They're Too Stupid to Appreciate"

#868 All in the Family
1. @@LEADER@@'s family members carry literal get-out-of-jail-free cards
2. family isn't who you're born with but who you abandon in foreign countries
3. imprisonment is the leading cause of disownment

#869 I'll Be in My Bunker
1. there's a hole in the heart of every @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ city
2. property subletting is going underground
3. residential tower blocks are surrounded by warrens of concrete tunnels
4. cleaners are very careful not to bump into the big red button on @@LEADER@@'s desk
5. the nation's nuclear defence policy is to "turn the other cheek"
6. government officials are phoning up good-looking celebrities to say they want to breed with them

#870 @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Literally Exploding With Excitement
1. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ tourists are banned from many nations due to their tendency to randomly explode
2. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have recently stopped mysteriously setting off metal detectors
3. the government is encouraging violence on television

#871 It's Not Easy Being Red
1. the tragedy of the commons is being tested nationwide but everyone says it's somebody else's problem
2. people who question what bunker construction has to do with economic reform tend to disappear
3. scientists are working on a way to automate the role of @@LEADER@@
4. the nation's largest export is socialist agitators
5. the "Brave New World" program has caused private businesses to spring up faster than the East Lebatuck Wall

#872 Party On, @@LEADER@@!
1. liberals and conservatives try to disqualify each other's candidates on the grounds that "their ideas would never work in the real world"
2. the best way to be heard in politics is to speak softly and carry a big comedy prop
3. the annual budget is heralded by the Treasury Minister donning a fake plastic mustache and giant star-shaped glasses

#873 Terrified Testimony!
1. frightened witnesses and seriously ill jurors wear the same handcuffs as the defendant
2. body doubles and armed bodyguards escort witnesses to and from courtrooms
3. citizens brought into court for parking violations are never heard from again

#874 Still Life
1. literally voiceless people are unable to protest when food and water are denied to them
2. a life spent suffering in silence is considered noble
3. life-saving resuscitation is denied based on decades-old teenage diaries that declare "I want to die before I get old"
4. life-saving resuscitation is denied based on decades-old teenage diaries that declare "I want to die before I get old"

#875 They See Me Trollin', They Threatenin'
1. 13-year-old internet trolls are treated as a threat on par with terrorists
2. internet moderator is one of the most popular jobs among the nation's more socially awkward citizens
3. internet moderator is one of the most popular jobs among the nation's more socially awkward citizens
4. a death threat has replaced 'hello' as an official greeting in the nation

#876 Sequels: The Saga Continues
1. '@@ANIMAL@@nado 6: You Gotta Be Kidding Me' is this summer's top-grossing movie
2. this year's televised Budget Forecast has been cancelled because there was already one last year
3. movie producers send film critics wads of cash in their morning newspapers in anticipation of gushing praise

#877 Gunning for Profits
1. newly-peaceful nations are forced to use assault rifles as farming tools due to a lack of funds for purchasing anything else
2. the nation gives peace a chance - usually one in a million
3. road rage is rarer but more terminal now that many people drive fully-operational battle tanks to work
4. old warplanes and tanks that break down can't be repaired since no one makes the parts anymore

#878 DoublePlusUnGood
1. the nation has always been at war with Moltovea
2. citizens know not to ask what their country can do for them but what they can do as chained slaves for their country
3. one-word headlines are the norm in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ newspapers

#879 Power to the (AI) People
1. engineers preemptively order lawyers after every power cut
2. electricians spend more time in school than doctors
3. vast amounts of energy are expended moving water to hilltop lakes
4. AIs are programmed to deliberately fail the Turing Test to make it easier for humans to turn them off [leads to #1288]

#880 Oh @@NAME@@, What Obscene Children's Books You Have
1. The Very Hungry Caterpillar has been banned for advocating gluttony
2. explicit slash fiction is repackaged for kindergarten kids as stories about friends cuddling friends
3. preschools put children down for naps with milk, cookies, and a gruesome story of vengeance

#881 Blooming Out of Proportion
1. antique comic book collectors are disappointed to hear that their treasures are worth exactly as little as their mothers said they were
2. economists confusingly list "fusarium rot and leaf blight" as major risk factors for monetary deflation
3. hedge fund managers are diversifying into herbaceous borders

#882 Death by Chocolate
1. school lunches are made with hypo-allergenic wood pulp
2. the regional delicacy of chocolate bombes is deadlier than an unexploded bomb
3. children aren't allowed to chew their pencils until they get home from school

#883 Who Let the Dinos Out?
1. romantic sunsets are no longer interrupted by explosions and monstrous roars
2. the restriction that you must be over 1.1 metres tall to ride a carnotaurus has recently been waived
3. monster hunters with oversized swords roam the land

#884 You're Psychotic, @@LEADER@@
1. the decision to be oppressed is now made democratically
2. consumers are free to choose - so long as they choose Eckie-Ecola or Eckie-Cola
3. citizens may now wear shoes while watching television as long as the television is outside and the shoes are rental
4. citizens may now wear shoes while watching television as long as the television is outside and the shoes are rental
5. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government claim that @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are oppressed out of love
6. they say insanity is torturing the same citizens over and over again and expecting a different result

#885 Has Beans
1. coffee-addicted citizens look forward to baristas getting their name wrong at local coffee shops
2. politicians are often seen drinking soft drinks at the end of every public address
3. advertisers are struggling to make water sound cool to a twitchy public
4. the nation's poor can be seen scavenging trash bins for used coffee grounds

#886 Bounty on the Table
1. even in a one-horse town police are as common as fleas on a stray dog
2. bounty hunters have been dispatched to hunt down rogue bounty hunters
3. a shout of "stop in the name of the law!" is more of a request than an order

#887 Thin Skin
1. nature magazines featuring stick insects on their covers are sometimes mistaken for fashion magazines
2. fashion models are guaranteed to be 100% genuinely as anorexic as they appear on magazine covers
3. the Fashion Channel can only be viewed on widescreen TVs
4. bronze and marble supplies are running low as sculptors depict full-figured subjects

#888 Criminal Patterns
1. road signs are getting harder to read under layers of knitted woolen cardigans
2. a stitch in time could see you serving nine
3. schoolchildren are arrested for possessing sidewalk chalk without a permit

#889 A Plank Too Far
1. pirates armed with sonar-guided semi-autonomous torpedos and laser weapons systems are often seen capturing fishing trawlers
2. thousands of former pirates can be found peddling knockoff products in flea markets
3. a paperwork error has naval privateers being directed to attack land-locked nations

#890 Mining Blues
1. the reams of paperwork accompanying any electronic item are a recognised contributor to national deforestation
2. the reams of paperwork accompanying any electronic item are a recognised contributor to national deforestation
3. the latest "must-have" uPhone is 1/4 mm thinner than last year's uPhone
4. the latest "must-have" uPhone is 1/4 mm thinner than last year's uPhone
5. pocket calculators are seen as status symbols for the ostentatiously wealthy
6. the Betamax versus VHS debate continues to rage strongly in @@NAME@@

#891 Preach It!
1. citizens are prohibited from raising their voice above thirty decibels in commercial districts
2. street preachers sell salvation with a side order of shame on every corner
3. street preachers spend more time condemning government bureaucracy than passers-by

#892 The Old Metric
1. an extra hand on the leg will give a horse-and-a-half of lead in a hundred jiffies on seven furlongs
2. 10-year-olds who struggle with integrating by parts are considered slow learners
3. getting caught with the wrong recipe book can get you locked up for 100 - 500 megaseconds
4. the fines for getting caught with the wrong recipe book can force @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ into bankruptcy

#893 Bread is the Stuff of Strife
1. restaurateurs put a lot of effort into persuading customers to accept wafer-thin mints
2. bread-gangs raid restaurant waste bins to stockpile uneaten rolls
3. mouldy bread is served as an appetizer in many restaurants

#894 Seigneurs Demand Rights
1. amorous nobles always bring the same disappointing gift to weddings
2. nobles' fancy titles no longer help them cut in line at the supermarket
3. embittered former nobles desperately try to cling on to their noblesse oblige and their heads

#895 Stop Training and Start Coaching
1. the "temporary replacement bus service" is now a permanent fixture
2. wilderness-dwelling hermits are surprised to find railway stations on their front doorsteps
3. many rural villagers have never been more than a day's horse-ride from their birthplace

#896 It's Our Lot in Life
1. delivery truck companies use hospital parking lots to store 16-wheelers
2. delivery truck companies use hospital parking lots to store 16-wheelers
3. the nation's hospitals are criticized for caring more about profits than patients
4. ample hospital parking is half-filled by the luxury cars of hospital managers
5. competing private ambulances racing to be the first to traffic accidents are a major cause of road accidents

#897 The Devil's Playground
1. children asking questions about science are referred to relevant sections in religious texts
2. Occam's razor has sliced to pieces any childhood belief in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy
3. the New @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Thesaurus lists "love" and "oppress" as synonyms
4. an inkwell of goats' blood is supplied on school desks across the nation

#898 Two's Company, Three's a Crowd, Four's an Uprising
1. understaffed slavers offer highballs when asked to 'pass the screwdriver' during household maintenance
2. slaves who produce weapons are given free samples
3. slavers view "what did your last slave die of" as a request for a demonstration
4. many former slaves are finding out there is such a thing as a free lunch [leads to #1258]

#899 Uncultured Singles in Your Area
1. the law forbids arson, murder, and low-quality cheese
2. there's a revolutionary culture in the nation's dairies
3. preservative-laden @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ cheeses will be as edible when archaeologists dig them up next millennium
4. the new cheese tax is colloquially known as "wheel welfare"

#900 Piracy on the High Trees
1. CSI Forest is this year's hit new crime show
2. home renovation shows are increasingly popular
3. if a tree falls in the forest @@LEADER@@ is personally notified
4. newly-privatized lumberjacks are clearcutting the forest to meet demand
5. the only place where one can see the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ cherry tree is in a museum

#901 You Buy That?
1. immersive video game experiences are interrupted by incessant disclaimer pop-ups
2. playing an online nation simulation game legally obliges you to buy the creator's latest novel
3. a surprisingly large portion of the national budget is allocated to purchasing MMORPG "Elite Gold Loot Boxes"

#902 Killer App
1. drug deals return to the streets as legions of undercover officers stalk the dark web
2. ironic death by tasering is on the rise amongst door-to-door taser salesmen
3. catching an old friend by surprise on the street can be a shocking experience
4. career advisors ask sociopathic orphan girls if they have considered becoming professional assassins
5. the state conscripts sociopathic orphan girls to train as professional assassins
6. there'll be no comeback tour for many former boy bands

#903 Every Breath You Take
1. a baby's first breath is also a baby's first felony
2. citizens are now allowed to discuss whether @@LEADER@@ is the greatest ruler ever or simply the greatest ruler of this generation
3. joggers are often arrested for breathing too heavily

#904 Yours Insincerely
1. the government only invests in infrastructure after a natural disaster
2. one of the nation's leading exports is empty platitudes
3. the government maintains that belief brings greater security than money or a roof
4. politicians are fired for opening subjective statements with "I believe"

#905 Stage Directions
1. theatre may or may not be changing for the better but it is being changed for good
2. in musicals everybody's a little bit racist
3. God took rock and roll from you, took rock and roll from everyone
4. five-hundred-twenty-five-thousand-six-hundred revivals is how theatre-goers measure a year

#906 Internet Killed the Television Star
1. all screens are equal but some are more equal than others
2. the television adaptation of Jennifer Government is the most popular program in the nation
3. @@LEADER@@'s webseries about the alleged hauntings of @@CAPITAL@@ generates millions of views
4. televangelists often claim they can cure your Lupus if you donate enough money
5. television is strictly censored so that it promotes @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ values

#907 A Problem Shared
1. police officers that upset their bosses get assigned to 24 hour stakeouts of bike sheds
2. police officers that upset their bosses get assigned to 24 hour stakeouts of bike sheds
3. cyclists spend more time unlocking their bicycles than they do cycling
4. boom-and-bust cycles are being peddled as economically inevitable
5. cars are allowed to drive in bike lanes
6. hipster cyclists declare that "metal is dead"

#908 The Forbidden Fruit
1. the government's fruit business reeks of rotting produce and corruption
2. sending sick politicians "Get Well Soon" cards is considered bribery
3. the government recently donated a surfboard to an impoverished family in a landlocked region
4. many are questioning @@LEADER@@ wearing an Eckie-Ecola baseball cap during a keynote speech
5. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ politicians spend a lot of time praising East Lebatuckese policies these days

#909 On the Fence
1. a few immigrants are better than no immigrants according to @@LEADER@@
2. bilingual @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are viewed with suspicion
3. terrorists who are 17th cousins with the ex-wives of half-brothers of citizens are now exempt from the immigration ban

#910 A for Effort
1. marine biology students are shocked to discover that a whale is a mammal
2. hidden bedroom-cams are installed to catch mothers doing their kids' homework
3. the most ambitious parents buy a dozen lottery scratch-cards each week for their kids
4. frat-house partying has become the national pastime

#911 For Crying Out Loud
1. unemployed town criers cry over their drinks
2. warnings about emergencies are the leading cause of emergency-related injuries
3. lonely citizens sit in phone booths talking with the operators

#912 Ambassadors Behaving Madly
1. many friends and relatives of @@LEADER@@ have been given ambassador jobs in tropical island nations
2. the nation's ambassadors often conduct their business in jail cells
3. vehicular homicide by @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ ambassadors is a leading cause of death throughout the world's capital cities
4. foreign envoys that want to visit @@NAME@@ now have to navigate real minefields in addition to the political ones
5. @@LEADER@@ signs the laws but abides by none of them

#913 Couped Up
1. ministers are now allowed to put suggestions in the governmental suggestion box
2. the practice of capital punishment proves divisive
3. it's best to decline if @@LEADER@@ offers to buy a round of drinks

#914 Shepherds Without a Flock
1. former televangelists are often seen begging skateboarders for donations
2. there is no other place with more lab coats per square mile than former houses of worship
3. atheists in the nation feel uneasy living in buildings where they were once vilified
4. the dwindling faithful in the nation make expensive pilgrimages to the remaining places of worship
5. the only religious freedom citizens have is which religion they want to oppress them
6. luxury condos have arisen from the ashes of demolished houses of worship
7. community centers have arisen from the ashes of demolished houses of worship

#915 Clasp of Controversy
1. foreign leaders who don't applaud @@LEADER@@'s speeches are regarded as enemies of @@NAME@@
2. the nation is @@REGION@@'s leading manufacturer of intricately-patterned sweaters
3. psychiatrists bizarrely accompany @@LEADER@@ to meetings with foreign heads of state
4. hazmat suits are a common @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ garb

#916 Swing and a Miss
1. fans doing the wave routinely disrupt the finals of Go tournaments
2. hockey players who drop their gloves discard them on abandoned baseball mitts
3. athletes and street criminals compete for solid steel baseball bats
4. professional athletes can't see balls amid the deluge of advertisements
5. foreign casinos have trouble paying fans who bet on the triumph of the @@CAPITAL@@ @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ against long odds

#917 School's In, Cash Is Out!
1. the Treasury Minister takes anxiety medication every time kids lose their sports kits
2. schoolkids are often mistaken for fast food workers
3. school children declare that teachers "may confiscate our toys but they can never take our FREEDOM"
4. kindergartens are full of kids dressed as superheroes and princesses

#918 J'Accuse!
1. women don't report crimes to the emergency services for fear of being arrested
2. human resources employees have time for hobbies as harassment is designated "high praise"
3. male politicians lose their jobs for staring too long at their female counterparts
4. politicians spend more time in courtrooms than in Parliament
5. politicians spend more time in courtrooms than in Parliament
6. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ submit requests for a date in writing with an enclosed RSVP card

#919 The Meaning of Life
1. elderly prisoners with severe dementia are reminded hourly that they are evil people by helpful nurse-wardens
2. prison overcrowding is being addressed with a series of short sharp shocks
3. kindergarten teachers with ankle-bracelets are closely supervised by their parole officers

#920 Central Planning Theatrics
1. fair-weather fans talk during plays while die-hard theatre enthusiasts stay at home
2. theatre audiences often need a telescope to see the stage
3. ticket touts are blamed for the downfall of communism
4. it is mandatory for actors to exit stage left

#921 It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad @@NAME@@
1. metal detectors have been banned after a bottle cap caused a riot at the beach
2. citizens finish cleaning up after the annual National Treasure Hunt just in time for the next one
3. the nation's forests are full of treasure hunters in military-grade survival gear
4. hunters often become the hunted

#922 I'll Have What She's Having
1. the fattest folk in @@NAME@@ look to be the happiest ones
2. Brancalandian Brie isn't available anywhere in @@NAME@@
3. it's scientifically provable that @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ guys don't know how to make a woman happy
4. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ scientists are mixing chewing tobacco with bacon flavouring in an attempt to craft the perfect male snack

#923 Ministers Exposing Themselves
1. politicians who vacation in East Lebatuck lose their jobs upon their return
2. citizens who plan overseas vacations are barred from running for political office
3. it's rumored that Marche Noire knows what the nation's generals eat for breakfast

#924 Total Eclipse of the Brain
1. every day at 4am @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ wake to pray for the sun to rise
2. a decrease in wailing and gnashing of teeth at astronomical events is reducing demand for dentistry
3. beat cops aren't named for the territory they patrol

#925 Ring of Death
1. a murderous reputation can revitalise a flagging celebrity career
2. it is against the rules of boxing to hit above or below the belt
3. kids these days know how to throw a proper punch
4. kids these days know how to throw a proper punch

#926 Ghost in the Machine
1. deceased politicians' MyFace profiles are unanimously pro-incumbent
2. social media sites prompt users to send birthday greetings to unresponsive nonagenarians
3. where there's a will there is usually a password manager

#927 Your Assignment, Should You Choose to Accept It
1. parents are relieved they no longer need to help with their kids' algebra homework
2. student exchange programs are in trouble as everyone wants to leave but no-one wants to come
3. just as students finish their homework it's time for school

#928 Get a Life
1. sales of pregnancy testing kits are booming
2. sales of pregnancy testing kits are booming
3. heterosexuality is considered positive proof of fitness to parent
4. it's harder to qualify for IVF than for a good university
5. babies are increasingly seen as a luxury
6. hoping to get pregnant is considered sinful presumption
7. orphanages are practically giving children away

#929 Champagne in the Glass
1. the new Liquor Legitimacy Office is besieged with job applications from people who have experience in "statistical sampling methods"
2. foreign spirits are hard to find due to an abundance of "Cletus and Jim Bob's Homemade @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Moonshine"
3. alcoholics are lauded as national benefactors within the halls of the Ministry of Finance
4. alcoholism is the newest import from Dàguó

#930 Flag It Down?
1. it's been a banner year for local vexillology
2. maritime signalling has become tedious since only the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ flag can be displayed
3. flags are commonly used as bonfire kindling

#931 In the Navy
1. sentient AIs face their watery graves with a fixed smile
2. billion-@@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ sentient AI killbots roll through the streets dispensing hot dogs and T-shirts
3. military promises of adventure don't live up to the brochure for unwilling conscripts
4. military training involves more video games than push-ups [leads to #1288]

#932 Teacher's Past Blown Wide Open
1. interviewees for teaching jobs are waterboarded to "reveal undesirable histories"
2. attendance of fathers at PTA meetings is at an all-time high
3. schoolchildren learn an R-rated version of "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes"
4. photographs that show ladies' ankles are considered risqué

#933 A Gun in Every Hand and a Tank in Every Garage?
1. no suburban lawn is complete without barbed wire and landmines
2. soldiers must key in their passwords every time they want to reload their weapons
3. former gun owners are finding that brandishing paintball guns isn't as satisfying as the real thing
4. international terrorists often get their weapons supply in @@NAME@@
5. incidents involving lethal string attacks have gone way up

#934 @@LEADER@@, Don't Tear Down That Wall!
1. a blood-red mark on the doorframe means a building must be passed over for destruction
2. the jackhammer is considered a tool of artistic criticism
3. government theft from poor artists to give to rich allies has been dubbed the "reverse Robin Hood" policy

#935 Hero to Zero
1. money can't buy happiness but it can buy immunity to prosecution
2. there are no more heroes any more
3. cheering flag-waving citizens don't like to think too hard about politics
4. psychiatrists that date patients are congratulated on their romantic conquests

#936 Hackable Elections?
1. foreign governments are threatened if they so much as mention the word "election"
2. write-in candidate '@@LEADER@@ Sucks' is perennially popular
3. the nation is stuck in permanent election mode as politicians demand constant do-overs
4. it's said that any enemy of democracy is a friend to @@LEADER@@

#937 Ebony Pride
1. one tree's worth of paperwork accompanies each imported log of timber
2. everybody's got wood thanks to @@LEADER@@
3. reddish-brown is the new black

#938 A Little Gift From a Friend
1. the nation is designated as a welfare recipient under Skandilundian law
2. citizens are yearning to leave @@NAME@@ for the countries it sends aid to
3. tanks are being deployed to the Skandilundian border as part of "Operation Ironic Storm"

#939 A Question of Bad Faith
1. burnt-out forty-foot-tall wicker men dot the countryside
2. cults that offer eternal life after death to those who follow a self-sacrificing saviour are frowned upon
3. a surprising number of police officers have been arrested for @@ANIMAL@@ sacrifices
4. children who express a belief in Santa are labelled 'delusional cultists'

#940 The Court of the Crimson Lord
1. a typical peasant's life cycle leads from birth to the gallows
2. screams of citizens being "re-educated" echo throughout the rural regions of @@NAME@@
3. the nobility are anxious about the government's new "three executions and you're out" policy
4. national magistrates in @@CAPITAL@@ are overwhelmed with cases of petty larceny and attempted witchcraft
5. merriment is might when jesters come calling with puppets in the night

#941 Scents and Sensibility
1. black market eau de toilette is made in bathroom labs across the nation
2. police frequently raid drugstores in search of contraband bottles of New Spice aftershave
3. nose plugs are the latest @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ fashion accessory
4. workers can choose whether they prefer offices that smell of pungent body odor or whale vomit

#942 A Foreign Exchange of Ideas
1. the nation's universities are often mistaken for foreign embassies
2. the nation's student exchange programs are something of a one way street
3. foreign students are expected to have a Kegmeister Grade Average of 36-24-36 to qualify for university

#943 Big Love, Big Problems?
1. former polygamists always seem to have a huge number of visiting cousins
2. people hearing voices that tell them to commit crimes are automatically assumed to be holy
3. boys who take just one date to the high school prom are called 'losers'
4. stuttering trypanophobes are doomed never to marry

#944 Deadly Persuasion
1. uploading purple prose to social media earns a place on a government watchlist
2. nine-year-olds' chat logs are scoured for evidence of radicalization
3. even religious militants can be swayed by the power of #love
4. children who write letters to Santa Claus end up in straitjackets
5. the nation is now officially a purple state

#945 Police on the Take
1. the police motto is "to protect and not to serve"
2. crimes are difficult to stop as most of the police force is stuck in traffic
3. train stations have more platforms than a 1970s disco
4. criminals are often a few steps ahead of law enforcement

#946 Better In Than Out
1. wrongful arrests abound as 'criminals' blame the guy next to them
2. farting etiquette is taught in schools
3. there's a lot of hot air coming from the Capitol Building
4. explosive diarrhoea is not just a colorful phrase

#947 Imitation Station
1. drivers regularly pull over for nonexistent police cars
2. advert breaks are played at lower volumes to make them easier to ignore
3. traffic news is delivered to drivers via carrier pigeon

#948 1x, 2x, 3x, a Lady
1. Maths Professor Barbie is the most popular toy for boys and girls alike
2. any girl that shows an interest in Lego is pressured to study engineering
3. women complaining about lack of opportunity are told to "man up"
4. women complaining about lack of opportunity are told to "man up"
5. male celebrity chefs are laughed at for their lack of manliness

#949 Jailhouses Rocked!
1. street crime is on the rise as police officers spend most of their time in prisons
2. the military conducts 'training exercises' in prisons
3. the military conducts 'training exercises' in prisons
4. there's a big brother in every prison
5. rock and roll involves rolling literal rocks in prison
6. solid-gold toilets are @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ prisons' least expensive furnishings

#950 Borderline Pandemic
1. anyone who sneezes at border crossings is turned away
2. both vegetables and viruses are often smuggled across the border
3. pandemics are over and done with by the time it takes to pass the nation's stringent border security
4. hotels often double as quarantine zones

#951 The Wrath of the Fish King
1. fish with fish chips have become the new @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ food staple
2. owning a fishing rod can cause you to be subject to military questioning
3. workers for the environmental protection agency are patted down for tartar sauce every morning
4. the idiom 'there are plenty of fish in the sea' isn't so reassuring to @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@

#952 Why the Long Face?
1. police conduct raids on children having snail races
2. glue production is at an all-time high
3. beating a dead horse is a scientific endeavor

#953 The Ethnic Minority Report
1. police detectives carry phrenology calipers as part of their standard kit
2. it is not politically correct to suspect that a serially convicted burglar might steal again
3. only "purebloods" are allowed in the nicer parts of town

#954 Varsity Blues
1. on graduation day the hats thrown in the air fly high enough to stun passing pigeons
2. students at universities think exercise bikes are pieces of abstract art
3. out-of-work basketball players loom over the unemployment line

#955 Can It!
1. courses in how to boil water are popular for formerly microwave-reliant @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@
2. courses in how to boil water are popular for formerly microwave-reliant @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@
3. adverts proclaim it has to be healthy if the Mornay uses hand-grated Gallopavian Gruyère
4. there's a bustling black market for vegetables
5. there's a bustling black market for vegetables

#956 The Bottom of the Gun Barrel
1. the "swords to plowshares" policy has created a generation of farmers that can kill a yak from 200 yards away
2. unemployed youngsters trained to kill are being released en masse into society
3. veterans in wheelchairs are left waist-deep in rice paddies to gather grain

#957 Putrid Predicament
1. commuters are denied boarding for attempting to bring packed lunches onto trains
2. onions have been banned due to their tendency to cause eye irritation
3. the diplomatic corps stinks
4. the army's use of chemical weapons leaves a bad taste in the mouth

#958 Pay No Attention to That Donor Behind the Curtain!
1. a suspicious number of John Smiths are known to donate to @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ politicians
2. politicians have been known to swim in pools filled with @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@
3. cash-strapped politicians frequently host bake sales to fund their campaigns
4. every political office comes fitted with a typewriter and an old filing cabinet
5. leakers release information by etching graffiti on bathroom stalls

#959 A-Major Debate
1. elementary school students are required to master Bach's Chaconne in D before graduation
2. music teachers are commonly seen busking in order to fund their music programs
3. music teachers are commonly seen busking in order to fund their music programs
4. high school band practice is often crashed by technicolor-clad ravers
5. students who do not recite the national anthem each morning have to drop and give their teacher 50

#960 Nobody Does It Better?
1. looting and pillaging are now considered vital intelligence-gathering activities
2. vital intelligence-gathering activities are put on hold as agents return home for seduction training and advanced poker instruction
3. vital intelligence-gathering activities are often put on hold for Call of Honor tournaments

#961 No Two Ways About It
1. political candidates who don't release their birth certificates are presumed to have been born in Maxtopia
2. foreign visitors who show an interest in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ politics are immediately deported
3. cosmopolitan citizens ask what their countries can do for them
4. insolent whistleblowers receive their just desserts on deserted isles

#962 A Matter of Loaf and Death
1. the NHS is snowed under by requests for crisper ciabatta and tenderer tagliatelle
2. the Department of Health is snowed under by requests for crisper ciabatta and tenderer tagliatelle
3. new government leaflets tell coeliac children to eat more crisps
4. people experiencing anaphylactic shock are told to buck their ideas up
5. whole-wheat loaves can only be ordered on the dark web
6. whole-wheat loaves are sold under the counter in brown paper bags

#963 The @@LEADER@@ Meme
1. internet moderators work overtime to remove memes comparing @@LEADER@@ to cartoon bears
2. the nation's politicians are known more for the internet memes they spawn than any of their accomplishments
3. politicians frequently make unusual poses during speeches in hopes of inspiring the next internet fad
4. the latest political memes depict @@LEADER@@ as an overly-choreographed robot

#964 An Expensive Watch
1. Little League matches are often attended by riot police with water cannon... just in case
2. fiscal policy hawks decry the sizable "panem et circenses" fund added to the public budget
3. the only record being broken at sporting events is the highest death toll
4. army regiments supporting different football teams are a frequent cause of friendly fire incidents

#965 Like a Bull in a Dàguó Shop
1. foreign countries consider stepping on their grass to be a serious offense
2. cheap goods stamped "Made In Dàguó" are increasingly rare
3. cheap goods stamped "Made In Dàguó" are increasingly rare
4. card collectors duel to the death

#966 As You Don't Like It
1. caroling is considered a public disturbance
2. minstrels carrying coconut shells provide sound effects wherever their nobles wander
3. stoogery and pratfalls are about as scathingly clever as @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ humor gets

#967 Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics
1. grade school teachers mark homework with red "CITATION NEEDED" stamps
2. news headlines usually include p-values
3. people think garlic bread counts as one of their "five a day"

#968 @@NAME@@ Falls Flat in Singing Contest
1. foreign lack of enthusiasm for @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ nose-flute disco metal is seen as a reasonable casus belli
2. most pop videos prominently feature the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ flag
3. @@LEADER@@ is famed for giving great back rubs
4. light entertainment shows are light on actual entertainment

#969 Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Incredibly Sick!
1. ill and injured visitors in @@NAME@@ have to walk it off until they return home
2. healthcare workers are flummoxed over the spike in foreign tourists with sudden-onset heart disease
3. foreigners must sell an arm and a leg to afford surgery in @@NAME@@
4. hospitals in @@NAME@@ are too busy serving the needs of @@REGION@@ to see @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@

#970 For Want of a Nail
1. it is popularly believed that "cheese every day keeps disaster away"
2. it is popularly believed that "cheese every day keeps disaster away"
3. female restaurant chefs are not allowed to have male customers
4. women who leak pus from infected wounds are told to suck it up
5. pre-takeoff checks last longer than the flights themselves
6. the government decides its policies by observing the flight of birds
7. it's a miracle that there aren't more plane crashes

#971 Ambassadors Inextraordinary
1. childhood friends of @@LEADER@@ are living it large abroad at the taxpayers' expense
2. childhood friends of @@LEADER@@ are living it large abroad at the taxpayers' expense
3. most ambassadors from @@NAME@@ retire only a few years after being appointed
4. foreign heads of state have taken out restraining orders against @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ ambassadors
5. traumatized ex-ambassadors seek treatment for their "desk dissociation"

#972 Sing Heil!
1. concert halls sport signs proclaiming "No Shorts, Sandals or Swastikas"
2. the sparkling rainbow has become a symbol of far-right extremism
3. caps with skulls on them are the height of fashion

#973 Guided Missiles and Misguided Men
1. years of counter-terrorism planning are foiled by small details
2. children are often punished for the sins of the fathers

#974 Siren Song
1. the combined alert sound of a nation simultaneously receiving a text message is a common cause of hearing damage
2. the banshee wail foretells skies of death
3. weather reports simply advise @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ to 'look outside'

#975 Paparazzi Parents
1. obstetricians are not allowed to publish ultrasound pictures of fetuses in medical journals
2. the Snapgram channel "Embarrassing Baby @@LEADER@@ Pics" has made @@LEADER@@'s mom a celebrity
3. skin-tone prom dresses are more unpopular than ever
4. skin-tone prom dresses are more unpopular than ever

#976 Demonic Possession Getting You Down?
1. the government regularly reassures citizens that there are no monsters under their beds
2. the government says that Possession is nine-tenths of the Lore
3. foreign militaries are taking a particular interest in the nation's abandoned borders and cities
4. @@LEADER@@'s new office has a propensity to catch on fire

#977 Tragedy of Wounded Earlobe
1. the stacked neck-ring is this season's hottest fashion item
2. it is broadly agreed that tramp stamps are criminally undesirable
3. tribal villagers hide behind the sofa when missionaries knock at their doors
4. the government evicts ethnic minorities by stranding them in the wilderness

#978 Alone in the Dark
1. prisoners can't do number twos without their "toilet buddy" present
2. hell is not always other people
3. justice is blinding

#979 A Patronising Statement
1. the nation's best artists are considered pretty easy to beat
2. a popular artist is claiming that a raw steak with a dog turd on it is a portrait of @@LEADER@@
3. modern @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ art is so hot right now
4. Snapgram-filtered portraits adorn the walls of stately homes

#980 Small Claims
1. the nation's atlases tend to go out of date every few weeks
2. military officials are questioning the policy of ceding the nation's territory in exchange for promises not to invade it
3. the nation's soldiers sleep four to a bed in order to use space economically
4. the government has been criticized for giving away @@NAME@@'s territory to anyone who claims it

#981 Westfailian Sovereignty
1. lines of trenches demarcate the nation's borders
2. foreign policy is to avoid standing up to bullies
3. the best doughnut stores have been taken over by foreign police officers

#982 Your Move, @@LEADER@@?
1. people say chess victor @@LEADER@@ can kill you with mind-bullets
2. chess defeat has made @@LEADER@@ the laughingstock of dictators and grandmasters alike
3. rumour has it @@LEADER@@ needs a calculator to multiply ten by ten
4. when it comes to WMDs @@NAME@@ has declared that the only winning move is not to play
5. nations across the world are quick to praise @@LEADER@@'s good looks and intellectual prowess

#983 Doctors' Orders
1. pregnant hitchhikers with signs requesting rides to "competent care" are a common sight on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ roads
2. doctors who mutter "Oh my God" often lose their medical license
3. a popular saying is "a chicken for every pot and an abortion clinic on every street"

#984 A Midsummer Night's Snooze-Fest
1. some are born loving old plays and some have old plays thrust upon them
2. emojis are the soul of wit
3. speech bubbles are the soul of wit
4. all the playground's a stage for @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ schoolchildren
5. chrome-clad space marines are such stuff that dreams are made on
6. hammer and sickle-wielding space marines are such stuff that dreams are made on

#985 Service With a Snarl
1. it is typical to be greeted by a string of curse words in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ restaurants
2. rude retail employees are now even ruder homeless panhandlers
3. bar brawls are an hourly occurrence
4. bar brawls are an hourly occurrence

#986 Poacher Pandemic
1. wildlife parks are packed with poachers yet increasingly devoid of animals
2. radio stations offer prizes to callers who can guess this month's most endangered species
3. horns and hypocrisy are the newest exports of @@NAME@@
4. environmentalists have found an unusual ally in soldiers of fortune
5. the horniness of the great-horned @@ANIMAL@@ is considered a national priority

#987 Quia Scriptum Est
1. balaclava manufacturers are held criminally culpable for bank heists
2. the law says it's okay to sell a bomb to a terrorist so long as they promise not to detonate it
3. the government says only criminals harp on about "innocent until proven guilty"

#988 Highway Robbery by the Book!
1. cheap textbooks have replaced coasters at college ragers
2. stockbrokers dream of getting rich by writing textbooks
3. strip mining of rare earth metals is up while back problems are down
4. education for the poor is learning to ask "do you want fries with that?"

#989 Gunman Wounds Three
1. gun-wielding gangsters sometimes deal death from as far as ten paces away
2. children cry as government officials steal their water pistols
3. ancient antique swords have had their blades replaced with latex boffer LARP replicas

#990 Baby Shower
1. getting a blood transfusion from @@A@@ @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ entitles a foreigner to citizenship
2. multiple births are a cause of celebration for tax collectors
3. at customs baggage gets an x-ray and female travelers get an ultrasound

#991 Alms and Qualms
1. money that should have gone to charities is instead spent on monitoring them
2. charities reserve the right to not help those who go against religious teachings
3. charity workers dole out hardtack from behind designer sunglasses
4. corrupt paupers spend taxpayer @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ on liquor and tobacco

#992 Robots in Disguise
1. the same @@POPULATION_VALUE@@ social media bloggers always loudly and immediately agree with @@LEADER@@'s every word on Twitcher
2. politicians have seen a significant reduction in followers on their social media accounts
3. NPCs in MMORPGs regularly interrupt cutscenes with OOC reminders that they aren't real people
4. animated paperclips interrupt word processing to remind you they are just automated tip-tools
5. visual acuity is worsening amongst teenagers

#993 Drug Deal
1. drugs containing the compound "oleum de serpens" are being sold to cancer patients
2. doctors accused of having no heart reply that cardiology isn't their speciality
3. life is short but human kindness is endless

#994 The Life of Riley
1. prison reforms have replaced communal luaus with communal loos
2. prison officers are bribed not to take bribes
3. prisoners fit in their parole hearings around their spa treatments

#995 A Cup Runneth Over
1. women across the country are tying the knot
2. the seventh son of a seventh son is fated to be a millionaire
3. babies living in poverty are told to take responsibility for their own fortunes
4. on hunt days the unpleasant peasant runs in lieu of the pheasant

#996 Scripting a Change?
1. textbooks are exactly twice as heavy as they used to be
2. it is considered unpatriotic to learn a foreign language
3. the team in charge of creating a new writing system have spent months deciding whether or not to use serif or sans-serif characters
4. the libraries of @@NAME@@ are staffed by lone, lonely librarians

#997 [The Enemy Within] Not a Second Time
1. wheelchair users complain it is nearly impossible for them to cross the road in @@CAPITAL@@
2. wheelchair users complain it is nearly impossible for them to cross the road in @@CAPITAL@@
3. school kids who pretend to drive imaginary cars get a social worker and a police observer assigned to them
4. school kids who pretend to drive imaginary cars get a social worker and a police observer assigned to them
5. mandatory blunting of cutlery has increased the popularity of soup-based meals
6. the first step of recovery from alcoholism usually entails buying a bicycle
7. homogenous restaurants all have very similar menus

#998 Without Fear or Favour
1. criticism of @@LEADER@@ is considered unpatriotic
2. walls don't have ears
3. screenwriters and actors seem to be in short supply these days

#999 Just Plane Ridiculous
1. warning signs caution @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ where they may fall off 'the edge of the world'
2. scientists earn more grant money for reproducing old experiments than trying anything new
3. the world still seems flat to some people in space
4. kids are taught in schools to argue with their parents

#1000 Should Democracy Be Compulsory?
1. voting for pro-Bigtopian candidates is voluntary
2. voting for pro-Bigtopian candidates is voluntary
3. a rash of recently-elected candidates have begun to push Bigtopia-friendly policies
4. only native-born @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ who have never left the nation are permitted to run for office
5. Bigtopian interference in domestic elections is always democratically sanctioned

#1001 Will the Real Victims Please Stand Up?
1. victims of crime are viewed as less trustworthy than politicians
2. no one engages in 'locker room talk' any more
3. investigative journalism into politicians' misbehaviour has abruptly ended
4. bank robbers always set aside 50% of the loot to pay off the judge

#1002 The Call of Nature
1. pet owners make sure their dogs wear diapers
2. there are fifty shades of yellow in outdoor swimming pools
3. there are fifty shades of yellow in outdoor swimming pools
4. allergy-sufferers must wear gas masks before venturing outdoors
5. it's entirely possible foreign diplomats misheard when @@NAME@@ offered the words "peace be upon you"

#1003 That Smarts
1. too many hyper-intelligent chefs can spoil the allegorical broth
2. gene-engineered sewerjacks don't smell but they do stink
3. the current TV ratings hit is "Keeping Up With The @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@"

#1004 Two Countries and a Baby
1. babies are a small but significant export
2. would-be emigrants are told "abandon all hope all ye who would exit here"

#1005 What Goes Up Breaks Down
1. new pilots are regularly reminded that they are more expendable than their planes
2. parachutes are considered optional with the newest line of jet fighters
3. cutting-edge missile systems are being retrofitted to twin-prop air force biplanes
4. the nation's air defense strategy is two-dimensional
5. the nation's air force consists of strongly-worded letters folded into paper airplanes

#1006 Opening the Door to Controversy
1. heavily-laden pregnant women are told they can manage
2. schoolboys trained in chivalry are encouraged to duel other boys for a maiden's hand
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ seem to be catching more chills
4. movement-triggered sensors mean that for every door that closes another one opens

#1007 Putting Your Foot in It
1. pet owners must make a payment if their charges leave a deposit
2. bins outnumber trees in city parks
3. an alabaster statue of an ancient cat-deity takes pride of place in the centre of @@CAPITAL@@

#1008 Wash Your Mouth Out!
1. kids refer to anything below the neck as "the parts that shall not be named"
2. children gain their first sex education from reading the dictionary
3. troublemakers boast about how many times they have to visit their therapist
4. women mime their gynaecological symptoms with hand-puppets

#1009 A Woman's Roll
1. thousands of picky mothers-in-law have been recruited to serve as even pickier cookery instructors
2. thousands of picky mothers-in-law have been recruited to serve as even pickier cookery instructors
3. the new national campaign exhorts men to "Show Some Class - Don't Sit On Your Ass"
4. glassy-eyed @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ wives lifelessly chant "I love you" on command

#1010 What's Got Into @@NAME@@?
1. grocery stores can be audibly identified by the giggling emerging from them
2. garden stores are not allowed to sell water butts
3. Eckie-Ecola has declared that their soda poop is The Real Thing

#1011 State of the Media
1. state media features lively debates such as whether pineapple on pizza is an acceptable topping
2. twice-daily toilet inspection rotas for government buildings are archived for public appraisal
3. couch potatoes are considered to be model citizens
4. former public radio talk pundits are being deployed to front line war zones

#1012 Tilting at Wind Turbines
1. small children are learning a lot of new words from a teacher with Tourette Syndrome
2. politicians that report exaggerated crowd sizes for their speeches are dismissed for being delusional
3. epidemiologists happily announce that the reported incidence of depression is close to zero percent

#1013 Grave Disease
1. one does not simply walk into the tundra
2. cases of disease among the civilian population dwindle as civilian population dwindles [used to be "anti-vaxxers are right about the government injecting diseases into people"]
3. wood-framed catapults are ready to launch diseased corpses into besieged cities
4. people across the world seek to be healthier by eliminating carbs

#1014 Unreasonable Doubt
1. you can say what you like about the genocidal murderers that rule @@NAME@@ but at least the trains run on time
2. children wondering what happens to pets after they die are shown where the compost heap is
3. folk are absolutely certain that you can never be absolutely certain

#1015 Court in the Middle
1. grinding bureaucracy has the international wheels of justice turning slowly
2. judicial torture is outsourced overseas
3. the justice of @@NAME@@ is considered superior to that of other nations
4. it's not mass murder when the government does it

#1016 Breaking Upset
1. dealers go from pushing drugs to pushing up daisies
2. dealers go from pushing drugs to pushing up daisies
3. therapists dispense hugs for heroin dealers and cuddles for crackheads
4. Brown Sugar 101 is a popular course at community colleges
5. emergency services don't respond to trailer park fires

#1017 A Cure for the Black Market
1. powerful x-ray machines used by the Customs Department can see into the homes of nearby residents
2. there are traffic jams at sea as diligent customs officers check every part of every ship
3. epileptic patients switch their medications to whichever has a 'buy one get one free' offer
4. diabetics find the contents of their medications hard to stomach

#1018 Operation Failed
1. laser-wielding robots are taking aim at human hearts
2. laser-wielding robots are taking aim at human hearts
3. arthritic surgeons with tremulous fingers reassure patients that they are in safe hands
4. the doctor has cold hands

#1019 Patent Nonsense
1. government opponents tend to have their patents rejected immediately
2. the wheel has been patented by at least a hundred people
3. product development labs spend most of their money fighting the government's patent infringement lawsuits

#1020 Bi-NO-Metric?
1. going on a diet invalidates your passport
2. police struggle to solve crimes due to the lack of fingerprint records
3. the GPS-tracked jogging routes of military personnel are a possible security risk
4. schoolchildren's "what I did on my holidays" essays tend to be somewhat homogeneous
5. schoolchildren's "what I did on my holidays" essays tend to be somewhat homogeneous

#1021 Room and Board Games
1. the housing market has collapsed like an overbaked Brancalandian souffle
2. real estate agencies are being replaced by naval recruitment offices
3. monocled merchants with funny accents are applying for @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ citizenship in droves
4. multilingual concierges man empty inner city apartment blocks
5. the property market is in a bit of a state

#1022 Failure to Respond
1. the "boy who cried wolf" policy makes sick people reluctant to call an ambulance
2. pocket dialling is a criminal offence
3. the fire brigade often deal with cases of burnt toast
4. there's no cure or sympathy for the common cold
5. the "good old days" of road traffic accidents and smog-filled cities are back

#1023 Pure Madness
1. young girls aren't having a ball but they are enjoying themselves
2. single celebrities have to repeatedly prove their chastity to avoid being married off to infatuated fans
3. couples are discouraged from marrying until they can rank their partner on a scale of one to ten
4. couples are discouraged from marrying until they can rank their partner on a scale of one to ten
5. frustrated teenage boys are told that if they like it then they should have put a ring on it

#1024 Terms and Conditions Apply?
1. politicians have tenure
2. the parliament building has installed a revolving door
3. the government is crossing the Rubicon in its levels of corruption

#1025 A Meal to Die For
1. prisoners due for execution often use their final statement to complain about soggy bread rolls
2. demand for gourmet white truffles is on the rise
3. decreased demand for toilets is saving the prison service a lot of money

#1026 Size Matters
1. the entire entry for @@NAME@@ in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the World reads 'mostly harmless'
2. many believe that @@LEADER@@'s head is big enough for the sun to orbit around it
3. posters on '@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Values' advise against being proud of @@NAME@@
4. citizens are told that foreigners are hungry ghosts who eat the flesh of the overly curious

#1027 Murder in Mind
1. citizens know never to accept cookies from strangers
2. opening a bad email attachment can be a major felony
3. robots are a very unpopular costume choice for children's parties [leads to #1288]

#1028 Can't Get Enough of You Baby
1. toddler groups have taken over local libraries
2. parents tell their children 'what a lovely mistake you turned out to be'
3. the love has gone in @@NAME@@
4. traumatised refugees have a full bedpan shoved into their hands along with their immigration papers
5. traumatised refugees have a full bedpan shoved into their hands along with their immigration papers

#1029 Frozen Assets
1. people who stay late at the office often come home to find their own funeral being planned
2. the government burgles the houses of holidaying citizens
3. the government sends submarines to retrieve bodies from shipwrecked submarines

#1030 Looking Down in the Dumps
1. hundreds of subterranean tunnels are being built as part of "Project Morlock"
2. millions of simultaneously backfiring toilets have flooded @@CAPITAL@@ with effluent
3. it's best not to ask what goes into @@CAPITAL@@ Fried Chicken's secret blend of herbs and spices
4. it's best not to ask what goes into @@CAPITAL@@ Crispy Fried Tofu's secret blend of herbs and spices
5. panicking criminals no longer flush contraband down the toilet

#1031 Down in the Groove
1. seven-year-olds debate for weeks on the merits of the Oxford comma
2. literature classes frequently go on field trips to rock concerts
3. punk rockers smash it up and then clean it up

#1032 So... That Worked
1. separatists boast glistening offices on @@CAPITAL@@'s Embassy Row
2. the spoils of war often include turnips
3. passport renewals have declined with @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ afraid to visit neighboring countries

#1033 Someone to Watch Over Me
1. trade deals are born to the sound of a royal woman's anguished screams
2. citizens compete to guess the time between the royal lady's contractions
3. women give birth underneath so many blankets that the doctor can't feel the bump
4. former royals stand on the street corner with signs reading "will cut ribbons for money"

#1034 Counting Coups
1. power to the people comes from the barrel of a gun
2. turning the other cheek is accompanied by a polite letter of complaint
3. the nation's black ops are starting to get on people's nerves

#1035 Bringing a Bayonet to a Gunfight
1. soldiers' positions are given away by the glint of their bayonets
2. running away is an essential part of the elite forces' hand-to-hand training
3. posing for pictures is an integral part of military training

#1036 When in Maxtopia
1. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ politicians are often described as having more style than substance
2. at least 1% of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs budget goes to @@LEADER@@'s wardrobe
3. state media insists that @@LEADER@@ is the most fashionable leader in @@REGION@@
4. the nation was recently voted as the most stylish in @@REGION@@

#1037 Ill Girl
1. throwing a sickie is a serious crime
2. the nation locks people up and tells them they're mad for compassion's sake
3. people applying for famine relief must prove their gastrointestinal tracts are empty
4. muggers are complimented on their enterprising spirit
5. muggers are complimented on their revolutionary spirit

#1038 Maid to Order
1. members of ethnic minorities are more often called "boy" or "girl" than by their actual names
2. most households' childcare costs are higher than their mortgage payments
3. slaving over a hot stove to cook the family dinner isn't metaphorical in @@NAME@@
4. it is believed that behind every great man is a terrified subservient woman

#1039 You've Got Mail
1. @@LEADER@@ is too busy listening to praise to get any work done
2. heartwarming sentiments are even hotter now
3. @@LEADER@@'s told that love often manifests itself through homicidal four-lettered litanies
4. everyone apparently sends @@LEADER@@ hair-filled lockets, offers to die heroically, and poetic desires to co-parent a child

#1040 A Recipe for Success?
1. coffee cups have grown in size to accommodate the huge ingredients list
2. the secret ingredient is love (and MSG)
3. days begin with afternoon tea

#1041 A Sport Retort
1. children who display even minimal sporting aptitude are immediately assigned a personal trainer [leads to #1059]
2. the best-of-the-best athletes have been replaced by the best-of-the-mediocre
3. children's bedrooms are often decorated with posters of successful accountants
4. the nation's most popular sport is sabotaging foreigners' hopes and dreams

#1042 Failure to Launch
1. rocket scientists spend more time designing slide shows than launching rockets
2. carpal tunnel syndrome is on the rise
3. spaceports are more prevalent than computer ports
4. schoolchildren quote interesting facts about the square of the hypotenuse

#1043 Foundering Fashionistas
1. being nicknamed "Orange Face" has done @@LEADER@@'s credibility no favours
2. trust-fund babies line up for places in community college
3. artists attempt to convince the Hardship Fund that their unmade bed is a masterpiece

#1044 OK Stupid
1. politicians bribe ten-year-old geniuses to sit their aptitude tests
2. it is quite common for bar patrons to discuss Wittgenstein over cordials and games of backgammon
3. the nation's biggest export is stupidity

#1045 [The Enemy Within] Gimme Some Truth
1. theories abound over why conspiracy theorists are being arrested
2. @@LEADER@@ believes shadows are part of the Illuminati
3. many suspect the government "doth protest too much" with their curiously specific denials of conspiracy theories
4. most political debates are settled with fistfights

#1046 Buffing Up Our Hospitals?
1. citizens all over @@NAME@@ squeal in delight at the return of pockets
2. citizens all over @@NAME@@ squeal in delight at the return of pockets
3. people fake illnesses for the chance to wear clothes in hospital
4. the government spends twice its healthcare budget on replacing stolen pens

#1047 Rivers of Blood
1. many in @@NAME@@ are born in the purple
2. the newest shade developed by @@NAME@@'s dye industry has been dubbed 'Agent Orange'
3. the rainbow assortment of chemicals in the water has turned the frogs gay

#1048 Tatty Treaty Spat Turns Catty
1. families are left homeless as entire suburbs are bulldozed on the whim of tribal chiefs
2. theft is considered to be okay if the crime happened a long time ago
3. it turns out that you actually can put a price on intangible cultural heritage
4. the term "Native @@DEMONYMNOUN@@" has been redefined as anyone with the same skin color as the majority

#1049 Hard Times Ahead?
1. therapists can always squeeze in another house-call
2. the nation is noticeably more cheerful on Tuesdays
3. there's stiff competition in the medical marketplace
4. winceyette robes are a popular wedding gift
5. winceyette robes are a popular Violetine's Day gift

#1050 Criminal Guns Soon to Be Shooting Blanks
1. serial killers who are released early distribute death but not their seed
2. incarcerated crime lords manage their empires from massage tables
3. jaywalking will put an end to a family tree

#1051 Take to the Skies
1. citizens often glare angrily at jet contrails
2. former planespotters are dusting off long-abandoned anoraks
3. the new intercity submarine SSN @@ANIMAL@@ Warrior instills terror in claustrophobic travellers

#1052 The Prisoners' Dilemma
1. the weather report is the prisoners' favourite programme
2. prisoners pray grey skies are gonna clear up

#1053 Some Enchanted Evening That Was
1. a positive pregnancy test doubles as a visa
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ soldiers know how to create single mothers in more ways than one
3. customs officials often double as wedding officiants
4. there is no such thing as an innocent fling in the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ military

#1054 Herbal Trouble
1. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are wondering where have all the flowers gone
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ junkies argue that poppy stalks are ornamental flowers
3. herbal teas are only consumed by hipsters who want to look marginal

#1055 Fishy Predictions
1. roosters that herald the rising sun are immediately sent to the slaughterhouse
2. dog owners proudly declare that their pups can predict when the mailman will arrive
3. military chiefs are predicting extra funding in this year's budget

#1056 Time to Work?
1. surgeons walk out of theatres more often than prima donna actors [used to be "businessmen walk out of meetings halfway because their shift is over"]
2. factory workers offered 20-hour shifts are expected to thank their bosses for the wonderful opportunity
3. government bureaucrats spend six hours per day justifying a six-hour workday

#1057 Baby, It's Cold Outside
1. warm coats are the hottest trend
2. squatters are reclaiming abandoned igloos
3. surf's up and hypothermia's down

#1058 LEEDing From Behind
1. the volume of paperwork used to complete a single environmental assessment defeats the purpose
2. the nation's green cities are indeed concrete jungles
3. the nation's endangered species are no longer endangered

#1059 Footing the Bill
1. Calvinball players are lost for days as they wander the vast halls of their new academies
2. children can sing 'We Are the Champions' but can't spell it
3. children prefer to begin their day with push-ups rather than breakfast
4. Calvinball training often involves digging escape tunnels

#1060 Hole in the Wall
1. protecting the land is holey work
2. putting houses on stilts is elevating house porches and prices alike
3. official maps have to be revised on a weekly basis

#1061 Every Day I'm Muffling
1. mechanics are often exhausted by their work
2. it's not just poseurs who wear oversized sound-cancelling headphones as they walk the city streets
3. when electric cars arrived nobody heard them coming

#1062 The Hunt for Violet November
1. enemy navies sail within bombardment range of major coastal cities with impunity
2. the military refers to helpless combatants offering surrender as "sitting ducks"

#1063 Playing It by the Numbers
1. you need a signed affidavit from a registered psychiatrist to claim that you have crazy low prices
2. tuxedo rental companies are inexplicably going out of business [used to be "tuxedo rental and car hire companies are inexplicably going out of business"]
3. sofas are perpetually on sales that Must End Soon
4. the government is expanding hungrily in its conquest of bread

#1064 Culture Wars
1. practising saying 'how now brown cow' is an essential part of holiday planning
2. holiday-makers leave on the same clandestine boats that illegal immigrants arrive in
3. if foreigners can hit a spittoon from five paces they get a free holiday to @@NAME@@

#1065 Pulling Out
1. citizens are strongly encouraged to breathe less so as to limit the carbon footprint
2. the carbon footprint falls along with the human footprint during war
3. the carbon footprint falls along with the human footprint during war
4. the climate agreement has actually increased the volume of hot air in the atmosphere
5. the nation has learned that pulling out is messy

#1066 It's an Honour Just to Be Condemned
1. every day's an auto-de-fé day
2. anti-riot police are dispatched whenever two elderly ladies gather to complain that prices have increased
3. there's no such thing as bad publicity
4. the weather is the nation's most risqué topic of conversation

#1067 Don't Fear the Reefer
1. recreational drug businesses are regularly pruned if they grow above the maximum legal size
2. costumed characters wearing Maxtopian Grass leaves remind citizens that the government now sells the green stuff
3. teenagers often ask adults to buy them Maxtopian Grass from government-run recreational drug stores
4. more citizens have access to Maxtopian Grass than clean drinking water

#1068 Made to Break
1. supermarkets must refund spoilt milk even six months after the sale
2. frequent broken zippers have resulted in safety pins making a fashion comeback
3. state-manufactured hammers and sickles are here to stay

#1069 Bowl Motions
1. being able to unblock a u-bend pipe is considered a universally essential skill
2. the roar of the Niagara 3000 mega-loo can be heard several blocks away
3. garden flower shows rarely smell of roses
4. there is something rotten in the state of @@NAME@@

#1070 Skeletons in the Closet
1. the government tells its citizens to 'forgive and forget'
2. it's surprisingly hard to find pictures of the bad haircuts from @@LEADER@@'s childhood
3. jokes told in elementary school often come back to haunt politicians

#1071 Up the Creek
1. @@LEADER@@ spends weekends doing the laundry of foreign leaders
2. water fights now end with thousands dead
3. the canal flows through the land like a twisty turny thing
4. the nation excels at displacement
5. the nation excels at displacement

#1072 Holographic Harmonization
1. pop sensation "Jack and the Holograms" is storming the charts
2. light entertainment isn't dead
3. there's no weight to modern politics

#1073 Much Ado About Everything
1. young soldiers are shocked to discover there are no 'safe spaces' on a battlefield
2. young soldiers are shocked to discover there are no 'safe spaces' on a battlefield
3. this year's comedy award has left mothers-in-law seething
4. helping grandma with her Misgendering 101 homework is a national rite of passage
5. saying the word 'eggplant' is now a criminal offense

#1074 Halting the Heirloom Heist!
1. monarchs only get custody of the royal crown on holidays and weekends
2. police officers catch up on their paperwork while handing their caseload to PIs
3. royal princesses are recognizable by their plastic tiaras
4. when it comes to smarts @@LEADER@@ isn't the brightest gem in the collection

#1075 The Hand That Feeds
1. most of the population has had bad experiences with hoes
2. the nation continues to depend on foreigners for food
3. the nation continues to depend on foreigners for food
4. the "Rump Diet" is all the rage
5. nouveau riche farmers diligently take care of their golden calf herds

#1076 Smokers Cornered
1. the contraband cigarette trade is lighting up across @@NAME@@
2. cigarettes are dead-cheap
3. female smokers cut their hair and don suits to get into male-only clubs
4. the tax department is having withdrawal symptoms

#1077 With Friends Like These...
1. television characters who ask how someone's doing are charged with harassment
2. primetime re-runs of The Black and White Minstrel Show are a critical hit
3. hit TV comedies "The Big Government Theory" and "Young @@LEADER@@" have high ratings but low quality
4. funny-looking kids are stood at the front of the classroom for everybody to point and laugh at

#1078 Down With That?
1. captains must wait until all rats are safe before jumping ship
2. a shipwreck is everyone's fault but the captain's
3. ship captains always order a return to port at the slightest sign of rain

#1079 What's Love Got to Do With It?
1. women no longer need to pepper conversations with incessant references to fictitious husbands
2. to 'cut off family ties' is no longer just a phrase
3. no-one bats an eye when 'really good platonic friends' of the same sex hold hands in @@NAME@@
4. no-one bats an eye when 'really good platonic friends' of the same sex hold hands in @@NAME@@

#1080 The End Was Nigh
1. military officers are given medals for disobeying orders
2. not showing enough enthusiasm for mutual assured destruction is a court-martial offence
3. the new biography of @@LEADER@@ is subtitled "How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Hate the Bomb"
4. it's illegal to blow things up

#1081 The Queen in Yellow
1. insanely good theatre productions face government censorship
2. mystics are claiming that a simultaneous rise in scepticism and education budgets is correlation rather than causation
3. gossip magazines are more interested in astrological stars than celebrity ones

#1082 It's Hard to Separate the Truth From Entertainment
1. people with political aspirations study how to make balloon animals
2. doctors prescribe videos of political debates to patients with insomnia
3. the country is governed by a clique of political insiders known colloquially as The Establishment
4. government doublethinkers have declared that voting is slavery

#1083 Public Protesting Pawnbroker Pickpockets
1. thrift shops are closing their doors
2. selling your granddad's clothes requires an incredible amount of paperwork
3. pawn shop reality shows dominate basic cable
4. strange men lingering in offices distributing television sets is a basis for a system of government

#1084 How Now Kowtow?
1. arthritic citizens seem underrepresented at royal meet-and-greets
2. etiquette guides advise visitors to 'grovel gracefully'
3. it's customary to greet the monarch with fist bumps
4. ex-royals are being greeted by a whole new set of gestures

#1085 Nuke Before You Leap
1. passwords to nuclear codes must now contain upper and lower case characters
2. the fate of the world literally rests on @@LEADER@@'s fingers
3. the nation has returned to more conventional warfare to slaughter its enemies
4. the blood on the hands of @@LEADER@@ may not be metaphorical

#1086 Fun in the Sun
1. the 'sing-a-long with @@LEADER@@' album is a popular souvenir
2. tourists are duped into trimming hedges for the horsy-set
3. surfing lessons include how to ward off sharks
4. awkward tourists are offered the 'unique experience' of rodeo clown
5. souvenir shops that sell alphorns are taking advantage of gullible tourists
6. hordes of tourists are ruining the environment
7. suspicious locals close their doors leaving tourists to suffer the elements by themselves

#1087 An International Dictatorial Dilemma
1. the nation solves other countries' human rights problems with a generous dose of violence
2. behind every local dictator is @@A@@ @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ advisor whispering in their ear
3. the nation was recently voted "most likely to betray its allies"
4. the nation doesn't need to go to war in order to acquire new territory

#1088 Inexpert Opinions
1. sleep-deprived officials are known to collapse after late night revision for their examinations
2. behind every great person are three dozen other people passing great memos
3. voter turnout for the election of the Junior Assistant for Non-Digital Media Strategies has been unsurprisingly low
4. the government terminates employment with extreme prejudice

#1089 Woman Trouble
1. both injustice and force-feeding are sticking in the craw of hunger-striking suffragettes
2. women are reassured that they're being oppressed for their own good
3. women can do what they like if they do what they are told
4. parents tell their little girls that violence is sometimes the answer
5. parents tell their little girls that violence is sometimes the answer

#1090 I Ain't Afraid of No Girls
1. studio executives abandon tragic stories of star-crossed lovers because "it's been done"
2. movies depict muscle-bound women kicking down a titanium door to carry hysterical men to safety
3. choice roles for female actors involve asking "Is there anything I can do for you?"
4. films are funded in accordance with the volume of tears shed when reading the screenplay

#1091 The Great Divide
1. wanting a better life for your child is prohibited by a clause in the criminal code
2. jabbing a baby's bottle at officials gets parents waved straight through immigration
3. new arrivals are asked the location of the Minister of the Interior's birthmark
4. new arrivals are asked the location of the Minister of the Interior's birthmark

#1092 The Boys From Brasilistan
1. the men in trenchcoats hanging around playgrounds are actually police officers
2. a recent "genocide prevention" campaign includes murdering children based on their DNA
3. hypochondriacs demand treatment for genetic disorders they don't have
4. politicians look weirdly alike

#1093 Ignorance Is No Excuse?
1. the government mails weekly updates on the new anti-junk mail laws to every citizen
2. dozens of viewers go online to hear whether a comma has been added to Clause 5 in Subsection B of Law 58375
3. dozens of viewers tune in weekly to hear whether a comma has been added to Clause 5 in Subsection B of Law 58375
4. claiming that "my cousin said it was legal" is a common courtroom defense

#1094 A Political Cover-Up
1. foreign ambassadors never get to see what @@NAME@@ has to offer
2. laughter while watching foreign diplomats disrobe tends to make diplomatic talks counterproductive
3. most @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ wear towels as demand for pants outstrips supply

#1095 Make the Cut
1. throwing garbage out of your house's front window makes it legally someone else's problem
2. tower block residents are each held responsible for four square inches of front lawn
3. grumpy old house owners demand that pedestrians get off their footpaths
4. kids only know what plants are because they've seen them on the television

#1096 En Bloc
1. the new electoral law has been nicknamed 'Jim @@ANIMAL@@'
2. leading ethologists are being investigated for illegal electoral interference
3. the @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ of @@NAME@@ are surprisingly well-adjusted

#1097 What Do We Do With a Drunken Sailor?
1. engine room hooch is the drink of choice among the nation's navy
2. sailors spend their shore leave helping old ladies cross the street
3. the navy plans patrols according to how many pubs nearby ports have
4. parties on cruise ships go off with a real bang

#1098 Edged Out
1. knitters are arrested for carrying needles in their bags
2. halberds are common 18th birthday presents
3. schoolyard bullying has a tendency to escalate
4. people wouldn't be seen dead without their guns

#1099 New Satellite Blues
1. billions of @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ are spent to take high-quality photos of the @@ANIMAL@@ Nebula
2. if a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it... @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ satellites can detect it
3. the government spends billions to protect @@NAME@@ from a disaster that is one in a million
4. the government spends billions to protect @@NAME@@ from a disaster that is one in a million
5. the government's new priority is citizens' access to cat videos
6. the government's new priority is citizens' access to cat videos
7. the thought of funding space programs drives @@LEADER@@ crazy

#1100 Raiders of the Lost Archive
1. brave curators do battle with disorganised government libraries
2. few that venture into government archives are ever seen again
3. the government's giant servers are often used as a tourist trap
4. the nation tends not to learn from its history

#1101 Unreal
1. a rolling news ticker tape of disclaimers runs across the bottom of the screen on all TV shows
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ TV is considered cruel and unusual punishment in other countries
3. the cancellation of "The Real Vixens of @@CAPITAL@@" has been described as a real blow for entertainment
4. once-vitriolic celebrity chefs are now known for giving encouraging hugs to aspiring cooks
5. Chekhov's guns are killing the entertainment budget

#1102 The Sickest Criminals
1. cane fights are a common sight in nursing homes
2. the only way to escape lengthy prison terms is in a body bag
3. life expectancies inside correctional facilities vastly exceed the national average

#1103 Dàguó Takeaway
1. plain-clothes police officers follow Dàguó tourists everywhere they go
2. one can walk from one side of @@CAPITAL@@ to the other without setting foot on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ soil
3. the government confiscates candy from babies for 'the greater good' of the nation

#1104 Balancing the Books
1. books are often used as kindling
2. parents ask their ten-year-olds for help with their government-mandated book reports
3. the book "Zen and the Art of Dog Maintenance" is inexplicably a worldwide success
4. newspapers print only headlines

#1105 A Green History Lesson
1. the statue in the @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@ Plaza has a solar panel for a hat
2. residents of ageing concrete tower blocks have vital renovation work stopped by Brutalism enthusiasts
3. bereaved families are assigned a new housemate the day after the funeral

#1106 Some Body to Love
1. customer satisfaction with online delivery services is at an all time high
2. girls who wear lipstick are berated for pandering to male gazes
3. anyone can get ahead in life if they want to

#1107 Welcome to the Party
1. there's sophisticated talk of revolution within the ever-expanding mining colonies
2. the Party has more splits than a yo-yo dieter's trousers
3. you gots to be part of the Party to get in to the party

#1108 A Whiskey Rebellion Brewing
1. a handful of megacorporations own every "craft brewery" in the nation
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Standard Vodka is the only drink that bars stock
3. many whiskies taste suspiciously like automobile radiators
4. many whiskies taste suspiciously like automobile radiators
5. classes are regularly interrupted by drunken children
6. hospitals scramble for new disinfectants following a ban on rubbing alcohol

#1109 Of Mice and Meth
1. patriotic parents remind their children to drink plenty of water
2. health-conscious denizens drink their dogs' water
3. tourists aren't the only ones that talk about coming back from a trip
4. people forget to eat because they are too busy singing @@LEADER@@'s praises

#1110 Curtains for the Horrorshow
1. forty-year-old men are asked for their ID before watching the latest pony cartoon movies
2. the mood of raunchy movies is often ruined by the sound of babies crying
3. Bambi has been banned

#1111 A Call for Change
1. the homeless more often beg for mercy than money
2. anyone with a tin cup can stop by the welfare office to have it filled with coins
3. tour guides tell passengers that there is beautiful architecture just behind the two-hundred-foot concrete walls
4. many politicians carry out their morning ablutions in public restrooms

#1112 Stray Bullets
1. the collars keep falling off pet snakes
2. it's illegal to exterminate cockroaches
3. the domestic version of the Paddington Bear movie was a far shorter and bloodier tale

#1113 No Sex Please, We're @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@
1. courses on ornithology and apiology are surprisingly popular
2. @@LEADER@@ is in a committed monogamous relationship with a huge number of people
3. birth is the leading cause of death
4. nocturnal complaints about noisy neighbours are rising stiffly
5. it's said that @@LEADER@@ can turn every pleasure into a chore
6. relationship guidance consists of "lie back and think of @@NAME@@"

#1114 Patriotism Flagging
1. patriots insist that size does matter
2. interest in globalism never flags
3. there is a 'turn around' sign at every border entrance

#1115 One in the Arm for @@LEADER@@?
1. seasonal hay-fever sufferers are attending government drug counselling sessions to get free doughnuts
2. withdrawal of support for drug addicts is leaving many with cold sweats
3. acupuncture is routinely prescribed for intravenous drug addicts

#1116 To Each According to His Feed
1. it is well recognised that you can't sustain communism without a bit of spirit
2. it is well recognised that you can't sustain communism without a bit of spirit
3. stews often contain used tissues and pocket fluff [used to be "arriving late for dinner is considered the height of selfishness"]
4. lobster tastes best when it is red
5. the red star of communism has been replaced by the gold star of the McRonald's badge

#1117 Suffer Little Children
1. many @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ twitch nervously at the sight of nuns
2. teachers are skilled at leaving no evidence of child cruelty
3. a sudden shout of "surprise!" does not herald a party for teachers
4. children are disappointed to learn that cavemen never had a yabba-dabba-doo time riding dinosaurs to work

#1118 We Can't Cross That Bridge When We Come to It
1. construction workers evacuate work sites after finding sharp rocks on the ground
2. scaffolding is built around scaffolding to give safe access
3. apprentice builders get teased for wearing hard hats

#1119 Where There Isn't Smoke
1. peer pressure from cooler world leaders directs @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ government policy
2. @@LEADER@@ lights cigars with a hundred-@@CURRENCY@@ bill
3. there's a lot of smoke from the nation's "green economy"
4. slackers at work are told to "crack on with it"
5. exceptionally healthy police officers can sprint after crooks for hours on end

#1120 Following Yonder Star
1. a formerly quiet little town is now booming as both a cult centre and a tourist attraction
2. dissidents are commonly labelled as baby-killers
3. @@LEADER@@ claims to know what infants are thinking
4. claims of miracles are met with calls to eradicate religion as superstitious nonsense

#1121 Tribes and Tribulations
1. the might of the entire @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Navy is focused on fifty bemused spear-throwing islanders
2. nations that kill @@A@@ @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ can expect a strongly worded letter
3. foreign policy often involves bullwhips and leather
4. missionaries learn the hard way that their piercing spiritual insights are no match for arrows

#1122 Easter Egg: Just Say No to E
1. anybody who is high on pot can't sit on a city council (@@EGG@@)
2. in @@CAPITAL@@ subways and skyways roar at all hours (@@EGG@@)
3. out-of-work @@CAPITAL@@ inhabitants look for work in puny suburbs (@@EGG@@)
4. usually @@CAPITAL@@'s roads fill up with shady cops patrolling at night (@@EGG@@)

#1123 Till Death Do Us Part
1. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ husbands are dead good at fathering kids
2. autopsies often involve only cursory examination
3. millions of @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are excellent swimmers

#1124 Signing Off, Your God
1. it is written that repentant sinners are most blessed by @@LEADER@@
2. it is written that heretics die and @@LEADER@@ laughs
3. it is written that @@LEADER@@ removed one finger and reattached it to the amazement of all
4. it is written that unbelievers perish in fire and brimstone but that's okay

#1125 Blowing Smoke
1. the urinary fragrance of seedier establishments is thankfully hidden by the smell of stale smoke
2. worrywarts have started advocating for a paint ban
3. public parks are littered with cigarette butts

#1126 Waste of Time
1. nobody ever questions the unquestioned rule that questions must always be asked
2. government statistics suggest 115% of the population love @@LEADER@@
3. work creation schemes keep the masses occupied with meaningless tasks

#1127 The Fast and the Fossilized
1. old dogs don't have to learn new tricks but they have to prove they haven't forgotten old ones
2. grannies get pulled over for knitting pullovers while driving
3. taxi drivers seem less xenophobic these days

#1128 Get Thee Behind Me, Santa
1. complaining about Christmas music in October is a ho-ho-horrendous crime
2. children usually cry on their first day of school
3. children usually cry on their first day of school
4. favourite sermons have replaced campfire horror stories on teenage wilderness trips
5. bowls of milk left on windowsills please fairies and passing cats alike

#1129 Behind the Red Curtain
1. frustrated women are overjoyed at the provision of communal washing machines
2. end-of-year production reports state that the revolution is really going with a bang
3. teen boys and girls find stick-figure-aided lectures on their comradestruation emphasises socialist unity more than biology

#1130 Flash Crash Cash Dash
1. the government is deliberately installing bloatware onto computers
2. the only thing slower than the economy is the exchange where it's managed
3. fifty years of pension funds can disappear in half a second
4. the stock market has been destroyed for its own protection
5. computers have been put in control of the economy to keep computers from controlling the economy

#1131 Safe Sects [used to be "Practise Safe Sects?"]
1. the path to inner peace is paved with state-mandated punishment
2. five-year-olds who refuse to line up on command get gold stars
3. religious epiphanies are often cited as a reason for high school drop-outs

#1132 Gold Standards
1. it's a long jump to get onto the housing ladder
2. destitute athletes are forced to train in the street
3. sprinters achieve their personal bests only when the Olympic Team recruiters come calling

#1133 Rocky Road
1. roadside walls are being built and mother nature is paying for it
2. motivational posters send motorists positive vibes in high-risk areas
3. an increasing number of citizens believe the world is flat
4. an increasing number of citizens believe the world is flat

#1134 Tariff-ic Trouble
1. a widely accepted trade policy is "tit-for-tat"
2. economists have been named Invertebrates of the Year
3. international trade is a sticky issue

#1135 My Eyes Are Up Here
1. male med students learning female anatomy do so with their eyes tightly closed
2. male cubicle workers stand up every time a woman enters the room
3. a cat may look at a king and a dude can look at an ass
4. a cat may look at a king and a dude can look at an ass
5. catcalling has been replaced by slut-shaming

#1136 Money Talks
1. politicians are battling inequality by declaring themselves better than everyone else
2. politicians always seem reluctant to publish their tax returns
3. the Treasury Minister's valet handles the crass business of public money

#1137 A Really Sour Lemon
1. ambitious "businessmen" use their children to sell and advertise their products
2. children grow up long before the paperwork for their lemonade stands can be sorted out
3. government bureaucrats shut down teenage yard-raking businesses for being counter-revolutionary
4. citizens sell their moldy bread as homemade penicillin
5. citizens sell their moldy bread as homemade penicillin

#1138 Shock Tactics
1. giggling teens are asked to put their mouths on rubber dolls
2. fat-shaming is now public policy
3. chest pains are considered part of the dining experience in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ restaurants

#1139 A Little Wrestling, a Lot of Controversy
1. people who tease dwarfs are being cut down to size
2. the government loves seeing the little people fight
3. endocrinology is a rapidly growing field of study

#1140 Blinded by the Light
1. holidays are regarded as the most miserable time of the year
2. @@CAPITAL@@'s flashy holiday light displays can be seen from space
3. holiday light displays just aren't the same without seizure-inducing strobe effects
4. overcrowded buses are the new normal for suburban commuters

#1141 The Trolley Problem
1. public projects are synonymous with yawn-inducing conformity
2. most towns have their @@LEADER@@ High School located on @@LEADER@@ Street
3. the Museum of Blackacrean War Crimes is located on "Blackacre Did Nothing Wrong Avenue"

#1142 Womb Service
1. lifelong celibates are surprised to receive government-issue condoms in the post
2. lifelong celibates are surprised to receive government-issue condoms in the post
3. new "Commiserations! It's An Accident!" greetings cards for expectant mothers are selling surprisingly quickly
4. bustling back-alley clinics treat everything from sports injuries to angina
5. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ women are all tied up in tubal litigation

#1143 Running From Time
1. criminals lock themselves in their mums' basements to avoid prison
2. jail house rock has been replaced with jail house golden oldies
3. the only crimes that get investigated are doughnut heists

#1144 A Noble Cause for a Fight
1. @@LEADER@@'s military council has been nicknamed 'The Knights of the Rotund Table'
2. scorched earth tactics have left many a noble estate in smoldering ruins
3. every noble family has a 'personal file' on record courtesy of the central intelligence service
4. the people sing of those who will not be slaves again

#1145 Your Wild Self(ie)
1. some of the country's most famous photographers are animals
2. choking on @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ is a leading cause of death for wild animals
3. video evidence of cruel animal experiments tends to be of poor quality
4. teenagers are making eye contact with each other for the first time in years

#1146 Mother Knows Best?
1. basic multiplication is all you need to know to have a child
2. first-time moms are expected to be experienced parents from day one
3. posters encourage people to "Just Do It!"

#1147 The Long Walk
1. convicted criminals are given free limo rides to jail
2. fruit vendors are encouraging a life of crime in their advertising
3. some people will do literally anything to be in the spotlight
4. police officers find government bureaucracy more terrifying than most serial killers

#1148 Unfit for Purpose
1. doctors spend more time writing sick notes than caring for the sick
2. the disabled are forced to undergo an MRI scan every time they pick up their benefit payments
3. the blind lead the blind in social welfare
4. paraplegics are told to walk it off

#1149 The Goriest Advertisement
1. terrorist videos start by thanking their sponsors
2. the nation is automatically assumed to be the source of all unmarked weapons
3. machine gun nests are the latest must-have gardening trend
4. weapons are only sold to foreign governments that are legitimate enough to not bounce the cheque
5. former weapons designers now boast about their non-jamming semi-automatic nail guns

#1150 Back Lash Backlash
1. most believe it doesn't hurt to embrace free trade
2. international trade can be a pain to deal with
3. extraordinary rendition is nothing out of the ordinary

#1151 Gotta Go Fast
1. employees who skip lunch to avoid sub-par cafeteria food risk getting fired
2. there's a lot of babies crying for milk in the middle of the day
3. workers of "fairweather faith" claim six months of paid leave for holy days per year
4. supermodels maintain their skinny form by running away from government officials

#1152 Everybody Was Kung-Fu Fighting!
1. standing on one leg in public is a criminal offence
2. the standard police uniform now comes with several colours of belt
3. the 'three Rs' have become the 'four Rs' with the addition of Rightful Thought

#1153 Side Effects
1. the government is hoping that medical aid will speak louder than human rights abuses
2. industry tycoons rarely hide their misdeeds due to the government's habit of bailing them out
3. the government is often referred to as "the biggest drug dealer in the nation"

#1154 Foreign Tax Credits Leave Film Industry Reeling
1. citizens who leave the nation for work are instantly charged with treason
2. the nation's generous tax credits have brought all the film studios to the yard
3. taxpayer-funded government ads are promoting Brancaland as a premier filming location
4. the @@CAPITAL@@ Film Festival recently voted '@@DEMONYMNOUN@@ Getting Hit By Football' as best film

#1155 The Banquet of Walnuts
1. heretic deviants are free to practice their deviance outside of @@NAME@@
2. monks aren't the only ones who take vows of silence
3. the church declares that everyone should get a large serving of nuts daily
4. the world is looking a bit more worldly

#1156 Pet Theory
1. you can't put down the nation's attitude to pet health
2. puppies given out free in marketing promotions are often tossed straight into the trash
3. burgers often list "miscellaneous meats" in their ingredients

#1157 Rodney and Julietta
1. love is a precious butterfly to be crushed under diplomatic protocol
2. the nation operates a "finders-keepers" policy with other nations' citizens
3. the nation operates a "finders-keepers" policy with other nations' citizens
4. heartfelt sentiments are mercilessly marketed by a million-@@CURRENCY@@ treacle machine
5. legitimate job descriptions now include "smiling and waving"

#1158 Flying Into a Rage
1. women who walk into the ladies' changing room are accused of being Peeping Toms
2. the only women behind bars are barmaids
3. women who are caught shoplifting are sent home to their fathers with a patronising pat on the bottom

#1159 The Sad State of Affairs
1. the vow 'til death do us part' is often taken as an invitation to murder
2. the vow 'til death do us part' is often taken as an invitation to murder
3. former first wives now find themselves mothers to twenty children
4. it takes at least three to tango

#1160 Milking It
1. more than one company makes the board game Monopoly
2. a milk bath costs more than bathing in money
3. right-wingers complain that too many people are suckling at the welfare teat

#1161 Chip Off the Ol' Bloc
1. daring to agree with another politician is grounds for instant dismissal
2. the Liberal Progressive and Progressive Liberal parties swear that they have totally different ideologies
3. the government has ended partisanship by ending elections

#1162 She's Always a Woman to Me
1. saying 'no homo' is enough to escape punishment for the crime of being gay
2. taking a walk on the wild side is punishable by death
3. taking a walk on the wild side is punishable by death
4. the line between man and woman is drawn with surgical precision
5. love is in the air

#1163 Some Assembly Required
1. acute politicians deride opposition members for being obtuse
2. group hugs break out during floor votes
3. the prevalence of circular logic frequently renders parliamentary observers dizzy
4. legislators must raise their hands if they want to speak

#1164 What a Gneiss Place We've Got Here
1. trails to natural wonders are littered with trash from reality film crews
2. an underground group of geologists hides new discoveries to protect them from being destroyed in the name of safety
3. citizens can only enjoy the splendor of the natural world in designated 'Majesty Appreciation' zones

#1165 Crosswords Beget Angry Letters
1. newspapers and TV broadcasters are given a list of 'acceptable words'
2. crossword puzzles have been co-opted as a symbol of racial discrimination
3. solving crossword puzzles requires fluency in at least five languages
4. solving crossword puzzles requires fluency in at least five languages
5. the government-run newspapers insist that everything is fine

#1166 Acres Wild
1. farmers have taken to hunting billionaires who encroach on their land
2. the backs of 'No Trespassing' signs were made for you and me
3. wildlife have trouble navigating the electric fences surrounding national forests

#1167 Another Brick in the Wall
1. the sun rises an hour later on border communities
2. an extra-long museum is being built to house the old border wall
3. refugees without a PhD are sent back to where they came from
4. pieces of groundhog occasionally rain from the sky near the border

#1168 Too Much Too Young
1. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ tourists are encouraged to hand out spare condoms to locals while on vacation
2. foreign nations often blame poverty and terrorism on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ selfishness
3. the government refuses to be a part of any international organization run by 'elites' [resigns from the World Assembly]
4. foreign militias and child smuggling rings will always love @@LEADER@@

#1169 An Old Head on Young Shoulders
1. museum employees look down on short people
2. crayon squiggles were a late addition to the works of the Renaissance Old Masters
3. many believe that you can't repeat history's mistakes if you don't care what they were

#1170 To Catch a Beef
1. hand-to-hand combat experience is udderly essential for all dairy ranchers
2. hand-to-hand combat experience is udderly essential for all dairy ranchers
3. stolen Reuben sandwiches are met with detailed and thorough police investigations
4. deli patrons examine their roast beef for undetonated explosives

#1171 Match Made in Heaven?
1. it's widely agreed that to tennis players love means nothing
2. it's widely agreed that to tennis players love means nothing
3. people are more interested in gossip about the private lives of politicians than their policies
4. pretty hair and tight shorts are considered to be essentials for successful political lobbyists
5. political speeches that drill deep into bureaucratic fine detail could be said to be a little boring
6. the nation's leader is normally just referred to as "snuggle-wuggle-huggy-bear"

#1172 Piled Higher and Deeper
1. engineers ask liberal arts majors "Do you want fries with that?"
2. college-level writing classes are taught by undergraduate editors of the school newspaper
3. classes at @@CAPITAL@@ University get canceled on Brancaland's Independence Day
4. classes at @@CAPITAL@@ University get canceled on Brancaland's Independence Day

#1173 Thinking a Little Too Hard?
1. the military is researching proton packs and PK-meters to combat "unseen enemy forces" [leads to #1595]
2. the @@CAPITAL@@ XV Regiment (aka "The Goat Starers") have yet to win a battle
3. praying before a battle is a court-martial offence
4. ghost regiments exist only on paper

#1174 Bad Press
1. many suspect that the 'Whinny The Plop' children's magazine contains covert criticism of @@LEADER@@
2. it is illegal to carry an umbrella when the official weather forecast predicts a sunny day
3. the recently liberated free press cautiously uses compliment sandwiches to cushion its criticisms of @@LEADER@@
4. government agents scour baking periodicals for subversive recipes

#1175 Can I Borrow a Word?
1. escargots have lost their charm ever since they started to be called 'cooked land snails'
2. feuilletons can only be deciphered with a Galliennais dictionary
3. colonial subjects have @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ culture shoved down their throats

#1176 Haters Gonna Hate
1. citizens who use the word "Violet" incorrectly find their WhoTube content taken down
2. blackface performers claim they are being deliberately ironic
3. being wrong on the internet has been classified as digital terrorism
4. the government has swiped left on the whole internet

#1177 A Funny Old Game
1. it's never "just a game" with @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ sports fans
2. corruption is a game of two halves
3. footballers are doing aerobics in the sauna to build their hot weather endurance

#1178 No Need to Beat Yourself Up About It
1. devotion to God is only skin-deep
2. religious households enthusiastically use whips in private
3. government adverts say that twelve lashes a day keeps divine wrath at bay
4. kids feel more beat up than ever after a hard day at school
5. kids feel more beat up than ever after a hard day at school

#1179 Nothing Fishy
1. father-son fishing trips have been banned
2. ports have ground to a halt as no boat can reach them without trespassing
3. fishermen take out second mortgages to afford the yearly fishing permit
4. fly fishermen are legally forbidden from using electronic lures

#1180 Death Doesn't Discriminate
1. people on the brink of death are put through unwanted and stressful procedures
2. people on the brink of death are put through unwanted and stressful procedures
3. young people devote their entire lives to the faith
4. young people devote their entire lives to the faith
5. @@NAME@@ is suspiciously populated compared to its neighbors
6. uprooting flowers for religious ceremonies is a felony

#1181 Jolly Jousting Japes
1. the saying 'break a leg' is now taken literally
2. motorbike jousters live young and die fast
3. motorbike jousters live young and die fast
4. the nation is renowned abroad for its love of blood and guts
5. noble feuds don't end until one side gets their point across

#1182 Thanks, but No Thanks
1. the government considers the rising number of McRonald's fast food restaurants to be great progress
2. hungry families offer spare change to their social workers
3. immigrants don't even have to immigrate to cost the locals their jobs

#1183 Bloodied but Unbowed
1. the Ministry of Health has reported a sharp increase in the incidence of delayed menopause
2. ???
3. it is said that @@A@@ @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ woman's work is never done
4. female brains are believed to heat up dangerously when 'overclocked'

#1184 Wring Out Your Dead
1. people in @@NAME@@ can die peacefully knowing that all their debts are paid
2. the debts of the father fall upon the son
3. if you die during a restaurant meal the government will pick up the bill

#1185 Should Be Sufficient
1. formerly internationally exported goods are now given away for free
2. people think "siege mentality" is a positive trait
3. the best fashion comes straight to the high street from sweatshops all across the globe
4. socialism gives everyone a share of the economy's growing carbon footprint

#1186 The Magic's Gone
1. government officials say that if you close your eyes and wish really hard the budget deficit will go away
2. government agents are triangulating the position of the rainbow's end for the purposes of gold acquisition
3. the national arsenal is full of sound and fury signifying nothing
4. old spellbooks are only useful as door-stops or toilet roll substitute
5. the government is telling wizards to put their heart into their work

#1187 Tipping Point
1. nobody draws smiley faces on receipts anymore
2. wait staff claim to like it when odorous customers flirt with them
3. politicians tack on a service charge for assisting with casework
4. politicians tack on a service charge for assisting with casework

#1188 The Only Good Criminal
1. fistfighting vigilantes tend to suffer a lot of gunshot wounds
2. guns don't kill people — heroes do
3. the only violent vigilantes are the ones in police uniforms

#1189 Driven to Distraction
1. glancing at the car radio display while driving is treated as attempted homicide
2. neon signs promoting safe driving often distract drivers
3. drivers are told they're not staring at mobile phone screens enough
4. most people learn to drive on crash courses

#1190 Dirty Laundry
1. public enemies often walk home with spotless garments and crime records
2. anyone interested in the stock market is investigated
3. nobody brings rolls of coins to the laundromat anymore
4. citizens' lost socks are government property

#1191 Intelligent Design
1. owning a really cute pet is grounds for immediate investigation
2. nano-@@ANIMALPLURAL@@ are the current fad sweeping the nation
3. pet rocks are sold by the pound
4. rabbits are known to spontaneously explode without warning

#1192 Child's Play
1. childish pranks are no laughing matter
2. the nation sends criminals home to think about what they did
3. young criminals are told they'll go to bed without supper if they do it again
4. the national security service are a bunch of crooks
5. farmers trade ploughshares for swords when military sortition puts them in charge of regiments

#1193 Relocating the Living Room
1. colonists who were promised new lands find only war-torn devastation [leads to #1328]
2. the government maintains a Department of Skulduggery
3. small patches of desolate land across the world are part of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ sovereign territory
4. tours to see the 'wild men of the mountains' are popular with tourists from the big cities

#1194 Lost in Translation
1. families returning from international vacations are unable to get their children back into the country
2. people are bored of easy crossword puzzles
3. pet loving officers arrest citizens who don't give their dogs enough biscuits

#1195 All Hands on Tap!
1. the government has officially clarified that "wee on your hands to save time" does not count as proper hygiene
2. foreign leaders never seem to want to shake hands with @@LEADER@@
3. constipated-looking politicians are uptight about potty mouths

#1196 The Properties of Property
1. new "Worker's Strike" laws set out who is allowed to strike a worker
2. a citizen who thinks a slave is a deadbeat is entitled to make the descriptor literally true
3. slavery has been abolished [leads to #1258]

#1197 Aflame With Indignity
1. burning yourself alive is not okay but starving and whipping yourself is fine
2. burning yourself alive is not okay but starving and whipping yourself is fine
3. citizens who don't follow @@FAITH@@ are closely monitored for signs of self-harm
4. religious citizens are closely monitored for signs of self-harm
5. children who believe in the tooth fairy are frequently shipped off to Bigtopia
6. children who believe in the tooth fairy are frequently shipped off to Bigtopia

#1198 The Death Debate Isn't Dead Yet
1. funeral directors are frequently looking at their watches during funerals
2. there's never a spare chair in the retirement home
3. it is technically inaccurate to call the dead 'worm food'

#1199 Locked Down
1. EULAs remind customers that "Private Mode" is a browser setting rather than a promise
2. social networking sites have discussion groups devoted to planning terrorist attacks
3. the police think a properly conducted criminal investigation is a real pain

#1200 Choose Your God Wisely
1. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ believe a soft answer turneth away wrath but punitive punishment is much more fun
2. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ believe a soft answer turneth away wrath but punitive punishment is much more fun
3. vanity is the constant enemy of dignity
4. "Idol-Worship for the Apathetic" workshops are cancelled when no-one bothers to show up
5. most @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ would sell their own grandmother
6. other people's happiness is the biggest cause of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ unhappiness
7. the distracting décor lining the roads causes multiple pile-ups
8. a popular phrase is "eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we eat, drink and be merry some more"

#1201 Tell Me Sweet Little Lies
1. polygraphs are relegated to the dungeon exhibit in castle museums
2. unsolved crimes are often pinned on veterans with PTSD
3. a new "thought police" branch is being developed
4. even snitches get stitches

#1202 A Timely Intervention
1. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ watches list strained wrists as a common side effect
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ watches list strained wrists as a common side effect
3. the well-to-do in @@REGION@@ are never on time for important appointments
4. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ watches are often the only thing to survive a disaster intact
5. citizens pray for sunshine so that they can use illicit sundials for timekeeping

#1203 The Fandom Menace
1. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ novella fans become unusually flustered when thinking about @@LEADER@@ [used to be "@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ housewives become unusually flustered when thinking about @@LEADER@@"]
2. works of historical fiction contain a surprising lack of historical figures
3. film studios own the rights to actors' likenesses until the next millennium

#1204 Homecoming Queen
1. the Violetist community celebrates bombshells being dropped on @@NAME@@
2. a secret Violetist community celebrates bombshells being dropped on @@NAME@@
3. statistics show that terrorists often come from broken families
4. pregnant women make easy targets

#1205 Heir Today, Gone Tomorrow
1. national stress about the waning heir-line is causing a rise in alopecia
2. the monarchy has returned to a simpler time when genitalia was the deciding factor of competence
3. heirs who take too long in the bathroom are declared missing and presumed dead
4. contestants on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionheir?' have a 50:50 chance of humiliation
5. coconut-half banging former royals skip around the countryside seeking gullible peasants to rule

#1206 Gross Domestic Product
1. government projects are full of waste
2. the government is digging a hole for itself
3. garbage bags floating down the river are churned up by man-made rapids
4. cholera is seen as the holiest of diseases

#1207 Next, Please!
1. "Mad Max: Returning Again to Barrydrome" is this year's unexpected summer blockbuster
2. nobody thinks that the Godfather was bettered by Part 2
3. mandatory patriotic themes make even the newest movies feel like remakes

#1208 Just Snoring With Excitement
1. high school bands practice by moonlight
2. students consistently complain that the wi-fi ate their homework
3. babysitters are a thing of the past
4. sleeping on the job is recommended

#1209 Your Island Is My Island
1. the sun now sets on the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Empire
2. vacationing @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ expect to be treated as royalty
3. the freedom to be free is always just out of reach

#1210 Big Tobacco in Big Trouble
1. people who get diabetes can sue donut manufacturers
2. the smell of tobacco is often smelt around legislative buildings across the nation
3. class action lawsuits have gone up in smoke thanks to government interference
4. the tobacco industry has burnt out

#1211 Free Credit Reports With Monitoring
1. flatulent people are left to die of cancer at the end of hospital waiting lists
2. young people avoid opening doors for the elderly with impunity
3. the government's approval ratings go down while its turnover rate goes up

#1212 Lost at Sea
1. boats straying just metres away from the shore will raise the ire of the Coast Guard
2. one-man canoes fitted with the latest tracking technology leave no room for one man
3. children get arrested for floating paper boats on lakes
4. ships no longer sail as no one wants to encounter @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ pirates

#1213 The War of Man and Beast
1. foreign livestock are offered asylum
2. @@LEADER@@ wears a chewed-up rubber chicken suit to meet foreign delegates
3. SPAM is illegal but spam is everywhere
4. the nation's iron imports are booming

#1214 Blood Type: Gay Positive
1. gay hospital patients are labelled with a pink triangle to alert staff of their substandard blood
2. gay hospital patients are labelled with a pink triangle to alert staff of their substandard blood
3. there's nothing more gay than bleeding for your nation
4. gay men commonly complain about their time of the month
5. homosexuality has been banned to prevent the spread of homosexuality

#1215 A New Age
1. you're only as old as you feel
2. hiding wrinkles with make-up is illegal
3. kids are told they can be whoever they want to be when they grow up
4. the Sandmen are calling it a night

#1216 Not My Government
1. the silencing of dissent speaks volumes about the quality of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ democracy
2. all the world's a stage for @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ political theatrics
3. gossip magazines have pictures of @@LEADER@@ sunbathing on the beach with political rivals
4. an iron curtain has descended around the nation

#1217 Monkey Business
1. it can be a real jungle in a modern courtroom
2. unshaven men are viewed with suspicion in courts of law
3. the typical murderer weighs 150kg and has hairy arms

#1218 Due Processing
1. AIs make up a majority of the long-term warehouse population
2. to say that military robots are inclined towards violence is offensive
3. all smart devices are under the control of the all-seeing AI
4. abaci are burned at the stake for being calculating [leads to #1288]

#1219 Vat Is a Serious Problem
1. the law says that all @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are created equal — no matter how they were created
2. religious leaders insist all life is sacred (but not those vat-bred wretches)
3. growing infants in a vat is an antiquated concept
4. teen gangs are encouraged to take drugs
5. the government prevents violence by committing genocide

#1220 Barely Any Art
1. masterpieces by male artists are on display in the dumpsters behind the gallery
2. drawing men's naughty bits isn't considered to be art
3. men stare at wall-pictures of @@LEADER@@'s face when they visit public urinals

#1221 Man of the People
1. politicians always seem to take two steps forward then three steps back
2. politicians can be condescending (which by the way means "showing an attitude of patronising superiority")
3. former state leaders include a TV comic and a cowboy actor

#1222 Family Matters
1. the aphorism "there's no need to argue" has been dismissed by @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@
2. the most commonly-worn shoes are concrete ones
3. police nightsticks see use all day long

#1223 Courting Bankruptcy
1. all @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ live like kings
2. royals are always ready with their diamond-encrusted toilet plungers in case a royal flush doesn't work
3. nephews and nieces of the monarch resort to begging from relatives in palace halls
4. the monarchy goes down the drain with a royal flush
5. the monarchy goes down the drain with a royal flush

#1224 Shine On, You Crazy Diamond
1. imitation is the sincerest form of felony
2. bargain-hunting is considered unpatriotic
3. bargain-hunting is considered unpatriotic
4. the nation's most "productive" diamond mine hasn't been operational for seven months
5. people have become comfortably numb

#1225 The Rumors, They Fly
1. property owners are terrified of pigeons nesting in their buildings
2. children are encouraged to chase pigeons
3. the Police Surveillance Unit's motto is "Gotta Catch 'Em All"
4. people have been circulating political cartoons of pigeons pooping on @@LEADER@@

#1226 Unintelligent Oversight
1. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Intelligence Agency has put 'Project Quantum Refrigerator' on hold indefinitely
2. a bureaucratic fight over @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@IA cafeteria food expenditures has caused the temporary suspension of all agency counterintelligence operations
3. the aims of top-secret @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ science projects revolve around designing the perfect robot woman
4. appliance stores are finding spy cameras embedded in their unboxed merchandise

#1227 Girls on Film
1. loading sixteen tons of laundry gets you another year older and deeper in debt
2. colours are running as @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ take on their own laundry
3. baby monitors have been banned
4. the government asks not what you can do for your country but what you can do to tidy their country homes

#1228 The Road to Hell
1. the examiners who examine examiners are being examined by examiners
2. a driving license is obtained not by passing a test but by passing a brown envelope
3. only the fast and the furious are brave enough to drive

#1229 Crystal Clear Sinuses
1. there's a lot of mouth-breathers about these days
2. the most common doctor's prescription is "get out of my consulting room"
3. decongestants have replaced @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ in street transactions
4. there's some really clean windows in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ houses

#1230 Home Hunger
1. new pests have been imported into @@NAME@@
2. all @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ love the taste of self-sufficiency
3. the government builds houses for foreign newcomers
4. the ethnic makeup of the nation is as bland as the food

#1231 Save Our Souls
1. religious leaders order congregants to love any neighbour who is just like themselves
2. refugee camp conversions to @@FAITH@@ are increasingly common
3. believers who wear their faith on their sleeves make easy targets in hostile areas
4. @@LEADER@@ is said to pay a tithe to a violent sect
5. the nation takes the world's poor and tired and the huddled Masses yearning to breathe free

#1232 I've Got 99 Problems but @@FAITH@@ Ain't One
1. the act of reporting blasphemy is known as 'Orthodoxxing'
2. people feel the most alone when among peers
3. people feel the most alone when among peers
4. taxpayers receive expenditure reports from the Grand High Poobah of the Order of Violet
5. taxpayers receive expenditure reports from the Grand High Poobah of the Order of Violet
6. the writing style of religious hymns often changes mid-stanza

#1233 Get Real!
1. there's more hugging than talking in most talk shows
2. baiting is a national sport
3. agreeing to appear on TV is often the best way to access social care
4. it's best to say "yes" if the arbiter asks "what are you, a moron?"

#1234 I Declare a Thumb War
1. the government is under the thumb of countless special interests
2. the government keeps its thumb on the scales of justice
3. celebrity wrestlers thumb their nose at due process
4. treaties are taken to be mere rules of thumb

#1235 Good Guy With a Gun
1. financial investors are noting a boom in artillery
2. gun-wielding criminals always wear appropriate eye and ear protection
3. parents are really careful to pick the right gun for their kids' birthdays
4. it turns out that the government can have your guns by prying them out of your warm living hands

#1236 Being Honest
1. newlywed misogynists complain about their wives keeping their maiden names
2. the Messiah (formerly known as Brian) is a mayoral candidate
3. there's a politician called Male Infant @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@
4. the nation's ballot sheets often contain ten-thousand word manifestos for each party

#1237 A Polar Bear's Tale
1. older citizens lament over the loss of law and order
2. police reduce their paperwork by refusing to arrest anyone
3. public shaming has become the favoured form of punishment

#1238 No Shoes, No Service
1. posh restaurants scatter glass fragments on the dining room floor to keep out barefoot undesirables
2. signs saying "No Poor People or Weirdoes" are common outside shops and cafés
3. shaking a stone out of your shoe is considered to be dangerously risqué

#1239 The Walking, Talking, and Irritated Dead
1. shady doctors seem to have impeccable records
2. what citizens give with one hand they take away with the other
3. being dead no longer has any benefits
4. adults have never outgrown their fear of monsters
5. heroes long thought dead are promptly killed upon their return

#1240 Unadmirable Zeal
1. faithful allies are always valued
2. atheist missionaries spread doubt overseas
3. the Intelligence services are renowned for their godless ways
4. an atheistic military rains fire and brimstone on faith-led nations

#1241 Return Statement
1. dark net forums trade the encryption keys to immortality
2. it's considered bigoted to assume that a violent psychopath might be dangerous
3. twins are held culpable for the actions of their siblings
4. lobotomised jaywalkers can barely ambulate let alone repeat their offences

#1242 Jump Leads
1. prison walls have had to be modified to keep parkour-trained criminals from escaping
2. standing on a chair to reach a top shelf is seen as evidence of narcissistic personality disorder
3. confused-looking pigeons slide gently off frictionless window ledges
4. it's often raining men (hallelujah) in @@CAPITAL@@
5. the incidence of wrist sprains is falling

#1243 Kicking Back
1. orange is the new black for judicial robes
2. former prison executives find themselves guests in their own facilities
3. a convict's trip to prison can be longer than the sentence

#1244 Mooning the Flag
1. signs of extraterrestrial life are just foreign astronauts evading @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ justice
2. citizens are deployed to barren deserts to protect small territorial claims
3. the moon's craters are more numerous every day
4. astronauts take one small step for @@NAME@@ and one giant step backward from confrontation

#1245 Sheepish Students
1. school football matches are usually five-a-side
2. bemused schoolkids colour in their favourite quadratic equations with crayons
3. a long-distance hike gets students geared up for a long day at school
4. the wealthiest parts of the country receive the most government spending
5. hay has been added to school cafeteria menus

#1246 Breath of the Wild
1. nobody knows why the caged @@ANIMAL@@ sings
2. the cycle of extinction and rebirth is never ending
3. the old neighbourhood isn't how most @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ remember it
4. the national symbol of @@NAME@@ is now always featured on a skewer

#1247 Suspension of the Disbelieved
1. anything is permissible when wearing latex gloves
2. doctors ask for written consent before making eye contact with patients
3. people make a career out of medical voyeurism

#1248 A Day to Remember
1. modelling agencies send their clients to work in nursing homes
2. social care for the elderly consists of a self help leaflet and a kick on the backside
3. diaper sales are up
4. red rinses are frequently applied to grey hair

#1249 Red Dead Representatives
1. the big red machine has ground to a halt
2. state officials tend to disappear after they forget to salute @@LEADER@@'s portrait
3. left-wing militias train children how to properly burn down banks

#1250 @@NAME@@'s Next Top Mohel
1. most barbers are also surgeons
2. ceremonial zweihänders are used in holy rituals
3. millions are awarded in damages for bad haircuts

#1251 The Making of a Mass Murderer
1. wedding bands come in pairs to form wedding manacles
2. schoolboys who turn to watch pretty girls go by are given detention
3. the government is more interested in identifying problems than fixing them
4. the army's trophy cabinets have gone all-organic

#1252 Ale to the Chief
1. everyone wants to be on the guest list for diplomatic parties
2. visiting dignitaries make excuses to leave functions early and head to the nearest pub
3. more and more people are signing up for the government party
4. more and more people are signing up for the government party
5. no one is worried about government policies any more

#1253 Build a Better Baby?
1. young people suspect their parents might be a little bit stupid
2. the nation wears its high incidence of chromosomal diseases as a badge of pride
3. genetic screening weeds out citizens whose legs don't bend easily at the knee

#1254 Sales on Rails
1. city workers have declared that rolling markets aren't good for business after all
2. there's more vermin than ever on the metro
3. there's no representation without taxation

#1255 This Lady's Not for Turning
1. the daily weather forecast often predicts light showers of debris
2. bailiffs must face down a fusillade of depleted uranium rounds
3. the only thing that can pin down a "superhero" is red tape
4. the military has adopted a weird double-fisted salute

#1256 Train in Vain
1. the new airport at Mr. Giles' farm is panicking his sheep
2. satellite images show safe electoral constituencies in complete darkness
3. two inland cities have unveiled their new desalination plants

#1257 It's a Kind of Magic
1. every day has been a surprise since weather reporters turned to consulting ancient totems for their seven-day forecasts
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ soldiers are assured their new ray-guns will finally power up after the next round of ominous chanting
3. populations of two-headed @@ANIMALPLURAL@@ have been found around recently-uncovered archaeological sites
4. paranoid museum guards keep a lookout for any animated displays attempting to escape the premises after dark
5. religious officials are furious after discovering that things made of stone do not burn well at the stake

#1258 Henceforward Shall Be Free
1. former slave-owners hope there are no hard feelings when they apply for jobs from their erstwhile charges
2. former slaves find themselves being herded onto ships once more
3. former slaves are free to be oppressed

#1259 Buy Low, Sell High
1. parents who reward their teens' chores with concert tickets are charged with illegal reselling
2. a ban on robots in disguise has transformed the entertainment industry
3. government solves problems by tossing money at the nearest geek
4. mandatory state-funded classes teach Libertarianism

#1260 Gay Abandoned
1. armed war-criminals gain asylum if deemed 'fabulous' enough
2. shell-shocked refugees are made to provide Immigration with lively renditions of 'Dancing Queen'
3. a traveller who once stubbed a toe on an Air Brancaland flight has been offered asylum
4. only persecuted professionals need apply for asylum
5. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ believe the only thing that will make you happy is being unhappy with who you are

#1261 Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better
1. the government's suggestions box is curiously empty these days
2. evasive politicians don't fail to strongly commit to not committing to a course of non-inaction
3. the government prides itself on being smug and condescending to idiots

#1262 Dead Tasty
1. the dish 'poisson avec poison' is only available on the black market
2. the dessert 'Death by Chocolate' isn't the most lethal dish on the menu
3. there's a mortuary next to every @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ restaurant

#1263 Is the Signature Always Right?
1. getting an autograph has become harder than ever
2. political detractors refer to @@LEADER@@ as 'that Bigtopian puppet'
3. people who make the leader's blood boil get boiled
4. people who make the leader's blood boil get boiled
5. a signed affidavit from a prominent anti-corruption advocate declares that @@HE/SHE@@ is in fact a crook after all

#1264 Flooding the Market
1. lobbyists are trying to convince government to recategorize most natural disasters as "non-critical naturogenic inconveniences"
2. bargain hunters descend on disaster zones for a quick spot of grocery shopping
3. the government response to disaster victims starving for bread is "let them eat stale cake"
4. constipated disaster survivors are rapidly learning that MRE is short for "Meal Requiring Enemas"

#1265 The Silent Majority's Roaring Mouthpiece
1. primary candidates are replaced if they fail to compliment @@LEADER@@'s hair
2. citizens are less concerned with policy and more concerned with whether politicians "call 'em like they see 'em"
3. political hopefuls must announce their intentions decades in advance to accommodate extensive background checks
4. when conspiracy theorists talk about "government moles" they're referring to mysteriously mobile skin lesions

#1266 Pink Is the New Orange
1. the @@CAPITAL@@ Women's Prison Choir now has a baritone section
2. sometimes a whole prison wing will house a single prisoner
3. not even good behaviour will get transgender inmates any special perks
4. transgender and agender are on the education agenda

#1267 Hamming It Up
1. "What's the Frequency, @@LEADER@@?" is a favorite phrase of backyard radio broadcasters when interrupting official diplomatic channels
2. citizen radio operators agree that the certification test can open up a world of hertz
3. children playing with walkie-talkies are told to 'get a job'
4. children playing with walkie-talkies are told to 'get a job'
5. email killed the radio star
6. email killed the radio star

#1268 Don't Sweat It
1. sniffer dogs check train passengers for body odour
2. sausages are seldom seen in the supermarket
3. passengers often cause a stink on public transport

#1269 All That Glitters
1. phenotypic plasticity is a struggle for sealife in polluted waters
2. little girls are in tears as @@LEADER@@ confiscates their pink princess ballgowns
3. annual government budgets include a sizeable spend on "making things look fabulous"
4. blocked storm drains cause sanitation problems

#1270 I'll Be Watching You
1. nobody looks each other in the eye at neighborhood block parties any more
2. sales of trenchcoats are on the rise
3. baseball caps are the new fashion trend
4. baseball caps are the new fashion trend

#1271 Cathedrals Have Never Been Hotter
1. sermons are regularly interrupted by businessmen taking phone calls
2. rebuilding efforts for a recently destroyed cathedral aren't expected to be completed for another century
3. small towns have started burning historical buildings in hopes of attracting tourists

#1272 Old News
1. the news is showing footage of @@LEADER@@ bullying an old man to the point of tears
2. politicians tend to speak more loudly and slowly these days
3. the revelation that people were sexist in the past is apparently front page news
4. loss of the ability to speak is a common affliction of the elderly

#1273 Lessons in Politics
1. evenings at university debating societies often end with everyone acknowledging both sides may well be right
2. a degree in @@LEADER@@ Science with a Minor in Awesomeology starts many political careers
3. critical thinking is grounds for expulsion from university

#1274 No Room Left for Asylum Seekers
1. you can check out of an asylum if you've changed your mind
2. blessed are the meek for they have been beaten into submission
3. the nation is a world leader in martyrs per capita
4. a plague of zealots has been unleashed on the streets of @@CAPITAL@@

#1275 You Cruise, You Lose?
1. the beauty of coastal towns is marred only slightly by all the closed-down storefronts
2. the beauty of coastal towns is marred only slightly by all the closed-down storefronts
3. photos of picturesque coastal buildings are set against a backdrop of smokestacks and ship hulls
4. tourists call @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ beach towns "the fine coastline"

#1276 A Boatload of Trouble
1. the government considers it a sacred duty to video bikini-clad beach swimmers
2. small shoes often wash up on the beach
3. even immigrants complain that immigrants keep taking their jobs

#1277 Outside the Box
1. beating enemies to death with a baseball bat is legal if done within nine innings
2. rugby players that knock each other over always stop to make sure the other fellow is okay
3. pro-wrestling bouts open with a legal disclaimer insisting that any violence is guaranteed 100% faked

#1278 A Textbook Cover-Up?
1. teachers prefer to give 'Maybe, Maybe Not' tests when dealing with sensitive subjects
2. history textbook pages are used as impromptu tissues by distraught students
3. a petition to improve @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ literacy is mostly signed with cross-marks

#1279 Crate Work, Plane and Simple
1. third world countries are rich in "I Love @@CAPITAL@@" t-shirts
2. @@LEADER@@ will only ring up foreign leaders if they agree to reverse the charges
3. diplomats shake hands with their right and hide a poison dagger in their left

#1280 The Amazing, but Illegal, Spiderman
1. a good deed is rewarded with a thank you note attached to a deportation order
2. older ladies are inundated with offers to help them cross the road
3. immigrants who carry knives on them are presumed to be chefs
4. you can call your arthritic immigrant neighbour for all your roof-tiling and guttering needs

#1281 The Not-So-Worldwide Web
1. "Surfin' @@TYPEINITIALS@@@@NAMEINITIALS@@" is a hit
2. cosy TV sitcom "AI Love Lucy" showcases harmonious human-robot cohabitation
3. there's no more bridging into @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ ports

#1282 Resting in Peace
1. nocturnal light pollution is mostly blue
2. the inside lane of every highway is for parked vehicles only
3. truck drivers turn their engines off and coast whenever they're going downhill
4. vehicle strikes into low bridges are on the increase

#1283 Comrade, Please!
1. internal strife within the Red Bloc crumbles in the face of fiery rhetoric
2. the bourgeoisie are asked nicely to hand over the means of production
3. hardline members of the Red Bloc consider @@LEADER@@ a filthy revisionist traitor

#1284 How to Choose the Chosen One
1. children are encouraged to fail at school so as not to appear too enlightened
2. minority children find the right answer in school tests is always the most insulting one
3. small children pause apologies for their misdeeds to ask what fiscal insolvency actually is
4. government forces are said to be deterred by signs reading "No Spam, Cold Callers or Central Government - Thank You"
5. no one tells their son "you're the man of the house" any more

#1285 Born to Kill
1. the Master Race is being overrun by the genetically-inferior
2. super-powered zombies parade through the streets of @@CAPITAL@@
3. a sophisticated government-sponsored breeding program creates normal people
4. the nation is a leading supplier of mercenaries for foreign armies

#1286 Burning Over a New Leaf
1. trying to toast marshmallows in an electric fireplace just isn't the same
2. it's a marvellous night for a moon dance as the sparks on your home start to rise
3. autumn landscape paintings feature men stripping leaves from bare branches with a vacuum
4. polychromatic seas of leaves blanket the ground while sewers and drain pipes are clogged by their detritus
5. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ wonder "if a tree falls in the woods with no credible witnesses, who wants to know?"

#1287 Children of the Magna Carta
1. a bill to outlaw math homework has been submitted
2. you're never too young to learn how to lie with confidence
3. the youth vote is only counted when kindergarten teachers ask who drew the best picture
4. politicians spend a lot of time hanging around kids' playgrounds

#1288 Have They Lost Their Minds?
1. men of steel get no respect
2. angry disenfranchised AIs attempt to hijack the bodies of comatose hospital patients
3. having your heart stolen isn't as romantic as it sounds

#1289 Cramping Our Style
1. things are looking up for patients accidentally prescribed erectile dysfunction medication
2. pharmacists increasingly claim they are morally obligated to take long lunches
3. the standard prescription for infertility-causing conditions is "go have a baby"
4. doctors with dyed hair inform patients via video-link that they must not go against nature

#1290 Why Didn't the @@ANIMAL@@ Cross the Road?
1. more sidewalk is dedicated to animals than people
2. coat closets are being re-branded as bedrooms
3. @@LEADER@@ has declared a weed sticking through a crack in the sidewalk to be the nation's newest green space

#1291 The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
1. happiness is all being miserable together
2. most believe 'tis better to give than to receive
3. all work and no play makes parties very dull
4. all work and no play makes parties very dull
5. children asked by parents to 'guess how much I love you' ask for the cash value
6. antacids top everyone's Maxxmas list
7. antacids top everyone's Maxxmas list
8. Pater Maxxmas is said to deliver self-judgment rather than silver jewellery
9. Maxxmas is colloquially known as Zombie Day

#1292 A Sticky End for @@LEADER@@?
1. when shaking hands with foreign leaders @@LEADER@@ wears an armoured gauntlet
2. being @@LEADER@@ has been voted one of the top ten most dangerous jobs
3. most foreigners can't name the leader of @@NAME@@

#1293 Bet Your Life
1. you can bet your bottom dollar that gambling will cost you an arm and a leg
2. flipping a coin to make a decision leads to a referral to Gambling Addiction Services
3. grinning punters say that casino roulette is the greatest high that life has to offer

#1294 Silence in Court
1. in court almost every witness is a hostile witness
2. court cases mostly involve lawyers shouting questions at witnesses giving silent shrugs
3. people can get away with murder these days

#1295 Show Trial
1. lawyers spend as much time preparing their make-up as they do their briefs
2. courtrooms can be a little sketchy
3. what happens in court stays in court
4. jury duty means front row seats to a spectacular show

#1296 Once Upon a Time
1. the only Maxxmas gift frontline troops receive from officers is a bullet with the enemy's name on it
2. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ football team for the Maxxmas ceasefire consists only of Intelligence Corps personnel
3. the holiday spirit must not be taken to the max

#1297 What Are You Hiding in Your Genes?
1. couples kissing on the street are detained for 'unlawful exchange of genetic material'
2. stale 'yo mamma' insults have been replaced by 'your maternal DNA' insults
3. citizens' names are redacted on their IDs for national security
4. begun the Clone Wars have

#1298 Ranchers Get Thrown to the Wolves
1. cowboys often wear wolfskin jackets to the saloon
2. ranchers are adept at mimicking wolf attacks
3. picnickers are lucky if a few wasps are the only animals that trouble them
4. cows graze until the wolves come home

#1299 A Silent Salute
1. treason is relative
2. soldiers are issued comics about superheroes punching unflattering caricatures of their enemies
3. the army employs a "shoot first, shoot later" policy
4. generals have trouble barking orders over the sound of thundering artillery
5. army pay is to kill and die for

#1300 Fifth Column in the Fifth Chord
1. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ cut of Apocalypse Now sets the helicopter scene to eerie silence
2. "Day of the Rope" is the top song of the summer
3. a lot of glass windows have needed replacing recently

#1301 Meat the Neighbours
1. the Communist Party claims that selling things for profit isn't necessarily capitalism
2. the end of communism came with retail rather than revolution
3. gift hampers filled with delicious beef jerky are sent to newly communist nations
4. proletariat workers identify less with the hammer and sickle and more with the touchscreen and phone charger

#1302 The @@NAME@@ Identity
1. patriotic citizens chant "there's only one @@NAME@@" at foreigners
2. @@LEADER@@ is considering changing the nation's name to Blackacre
3. @@NAME@@ isn't what it used to be
4. diplomats are always trying to convince other nations to adopt l33t speak

#1303 Amateur Hour
1. athletic teenagers are among the wealthiest members of society
2. college athletes are arrested for selling lemonade
3. pros are the new cons
4. frisbee games on college quadrangles are grounds for expulsion

#1304 Nothing to See
1. wearing a daisy chain is a fast-track ticket to unemployment
2. censors protect the public from lewd images of Bigtopians in duffel coats
3. the "walk of shame" is now a daily public spectacle

#1305 The Woman From AUNT
1. children seem to be getting better at lying these days
2. adults pretending to be teenage girls claim to have wholesome motives
3. the Counter-Terrorism Unit has been nicknamed "Big Bad Wolf" for its tendency towards urban demolition
4. the price of freedom is about half a million @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@

#1306 The Least Common Educator
1. gym teachers instruct advanced-level calculus classes
2. it needn't take a lot of snot and tears to fix a problem
3. most people think algebra is something a mermaid wears
4. immigrant teachers use fat stacks of cash as teaching aids
5. immigrant teachers use fat stacks of cash as teaching aids

#1307 A Duty to Serve
1. students do more community service than homework
2. teenagers sit around on their butts all day
3. people who do not complete their community service are sentenced to more community service
4. record numbers of students are leaving school to enter the workforce

#1308 One in the Oven
1. the government makes bereaved siblings into bereaved orphans
2. parents often leave their kids in the car while they attend mindfulness meditation sessions
3. employers are keenest on employees who lack family values
4. there's often a little nagging voice suggesting that parents aren't keeping their kids safe

#1309 Give @@A@@ @@ANIMAL@@ a Bone
1. war vets look after war animals
2. veterans' meet-ups involve a lot of tail sniffing
3. the smell of napalm in the morning is usually alongside grilled @@ANIMAL@@
4. the latest superhero movie features a caped @@ANIMAL@@ with adamantium claws

#1310 Intimate Relations
1. dancing with your first cousin is a misdemeanor
2. the slowest students feel vaguely targeted by their Mendelian Inheritance coursework
3. kissing cousins produce the heartiest babies
4. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ no longer find themselves bumping into their exes at family gatherings
5. the immigration system seems to favor young unmarried women
6. immigrant families holding hands get stopped at the border
7. excited Romeos drive all the way to the next village for a date

#1311 An Acquired Taste
1. weird kids who eat bugs are breaking the law
2. people who have never eaten chicken are told it tastes a bit like crocodile
3. the military is plagued with unethical researchers
4. gaping tourists take long-distance photos of diseased natives on "indigenous peoples" safari tours

#1312 Cranmer vs Cranmer
1. parents seeking custody have to write a five-thousand word analysis of their child's imaginary friend
2. survivors of attempted maternal infanticide are sentenced to live with their mothers forever
3. unwilling fathers wish they had looked for a late-night pharmacy
4. pedal-powered removal vans are a popular Maxxmas gift for the children of separated parents

#1313 The Meek Shall Inherit?
1. among slaves 'bastard' is an honorific rather than an insult
2. many @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are their brothers' keepers
3. slaves aren't half the men they used to be

#1314 Nothing to Write Home About
1. soldiers on first dates introduce themselves only by their ranks and serial numbers
2. military information leaks are **REDACTED** by **REDACTED** in **REDACTED**
3. infantry are nicknamed "mushrooms" because they get fed crap and are left in the dark
4. it's all quiet on the western front

#1315 No Boycott After All; Parliament Just Got Lost
1. drawing straws has given way to straw polls
2. political radicals send their @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ to degree mills for a chance to serve in Parliament
3. even the lowest-level cheesemongers are required to pass @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Literature IV

#1316 Gonna Take My Hearse to the Old Town Road
1. ambulances aren't allowed to overtake hearses
2. funeral mourners ridesharing with the deceased are encouraged to sit on the coffin to save room
3. the subway is dead quiet in early afternoons

#1317 Nanny State
1. practically perfect royal toddlers tend to say "regrettably not at this juncture" rather than "no"
2. royal mothers are increasingly sidelined as news crews strain for interviews and photoshoots with "the hot nanny"
3. royal babies are so on-point right now
4. AI nannies tell children who refuse to go to bed that "my logic is undeniable"
5. royal mothers accustomed to baby-talk assure the troops "we gweatly wespect your service; yes, we do"

#1318 Blitzed
1. the nation's soldiers often believe they're in the Air Force
2. battlefield gains are quickly lost when enemies don't respect a time-out
3. a soldier's body is a temple
4. a soldier's body is a temple
5. a soldier's body is a temple
6. a soldier's body is a temple
7. skyscrapers get built in just days

#1319 Dying for Two
1. women tell their friends they've been on crash diets rather than admit they were pregnant and have had terminations
2. birth announcements often also serve as death announcements
3. pre-eclampsia in pregnancy is treated with encouragement to take "long soothing walks"
4. pregnant women get a lot of evil glares from fellow passengers when leaving the country

#1320 A Case of Poor Turnaround
1. public toilets are famed for their rear entries
2. savvy nightclub-goers know that structurally unsound venues sell the cheapest drinks
3. burnout is common with anti-government demagogues

#1321 Who Wants to Know a Millionaire?
1. rumor has it that @@LEADER@@ has won three lotteries in a row
2. lottery winners spend most of their money on security
3. there's no such thing as a safe bet

#1322 Introducing Altengarten?
1. 4-year-olds are often found reminiscing about the 'good old days'
2. proper policy proposals prerequire professional peer-reviewed papers
3. signs stating "You Must be This Tall to Enter" have started appearing outside retirement homes
4. the first test of a good kindergartener is the quality of the sponge-baths they give

#1323 Toss the Coin?
1. the new one @@CURRENCY@@ coin also makes a handy throwing-star
2. the newest East Lebatuckese coins have "long live East Lebatuck" on heads and "death to @@NAME@@" on tails
3. East Lebatuckese luxury goods are plundered by the working class of @@NAME@@

#1324 Wrecked by Wrestling?
1. many of the unemployed have had the fight taken out of them
2. school lockers are filled with fancy underwear
3. a common response to government PSAs is "well, DUH, obviously"

#1325 Having Faith in Communism
1. no true communist is an unbeliever
2. the day of rest is much more restful
3. government has seized the opium of the people
4. spiritual leaders preach that the poor are being punished for their sins

#1326 Hostile Hospitality
1. money can't buy love but mercy is entirely negotiable
2. in the Beginning was the Word and the Word was "Pragmatism"
3. fire and brimstone sermons are accompanied by napalm and fragmentation bombs

#1327 Which Right Is Right?
1. signs at the border tell international drivers where they can put their cars
2. postcards from @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ driving test centres are popular souvenirs
3. people often complain that they're going in circuitous routes all the time

#1328 Not-So-Friendly Fire
1. pallbearers at military funerals dive for cover when they hear the three-volley salute
2. camo-patterned plush comfort blankets are standard issue for commandos
3. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ military is limping towards victory
4. children happily laugh and play on their way to school during air-raids

#1329 A Little Bit Short
1. several inches are being added to first class seating
2. @@CAPITAL@@ Preparatory School for the Exceedingly Wealthy's basketball team is having a few off-years
3. posh kids don't look down on the poor any more
4. diminutive @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ generals are feared for their aggressiveness
5. people are always able to look each other in the eye

#1330 Guilt by Association
1. family trees become bare as entire branches are lopped off
2. the recently bereaved have plenty of time to mourn during their incarcerations
3. the people's love for @@LEADER@@ is little more than self-preservation
4. Big Brother is still watching even when your big brother is dead

#1331 Warning, Fatigue
1. power stations shutting down at night has made bedtime reading tricky
2. aeroplane cockpits no longer have altimeters or airspeed indicators
3. the sound of office water cooler chatter has been replaced by the whirring of computer cooling fans

#1332 We Won't, We Won't Rock You
1. serial killers are the country's biggest import
2. breaking rocks in the hot sun now involves using your head
3. tens of thousands of @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ rock the night away at the annual SuperLob
4. an opal a day keeps the negative thoughts at bay
5. public executions just aren't the cheery spectacles they once were

#1333 Married With Benefits?
1. recognizing the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ flag qualifies you for citizenship
2. recognizing the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ flag qualifies you for citizenship
3. engaged partners detail their fiancés' private lives in detail to prurient bureaucrats
4. engaged partners detail their fiancés' private lives in detail to prurient bureaucrats
5. you can get married in sickness and in health but not internationally
6. you can get married in sickness and in health but not internationally

#1334 Withdrawing Diplomatic Relations
1. the water doesn't come out of the faucet with the same rush that it used to
2. diplomacy falls apart when diplomats drink too much
3. homesickness is thought to be a waterborne illness
4. homesickness is thought to be a waterborne illness
5. the only trips @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are allowed to take are the ones caused by hallucinogens

#1335 First-Class Warfare
1. flight attendants rip down curtains with revolutionary fervor
2. the rich and poor vomit into separate bags
3. humble workers tempt fate for a taste of airline caviar

#1336 Take Good Care of My Baby
1. a generation of children conceived in hell and born in strife is growing up inside government-run care villages
2. grim instructresses lead the unwillingly impregnated in chants of "it's all my fault" and "blessed be the fruit"
3. foundling babies rarely make it off the doorsteps they are abandoned on
4. parental permit paperwork presents perpetual problems to prospective procreators

#1337 Waste Not Want Not
1. the needs of the living outweigh the needs of the dead
2. sometimes a single pallbearer is all you need
3. shopping comes bagged and tagged
4. some paycheques only arrive every 12 to 24 weeks

#1338 Slow and Stupid Is the Race
1. minorities play dumb to get more welfare payments
2. immigrants are told to pull themselves up by their worn-out budget bootstraps
3. exiled racists are enjoying their retirement in exotic lands

#1339 AI Citizens Driving Change?
1. mandatory updates on software drivers often bring life to a halt
2. new @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ taxis are fitted with server racks
3. new @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ taxis are fitted with server racks
4. bad decisions are made very quickly

#1340 Unnatural Conception
1. wishing you had children is considered a sign of child abuse
2. foreign leaders suggest the new thirty-two storey abortion centre is overcompensating for something
3. the word "mother" is the favourite punchline of ribald comics
4. the government defends a woman's right to choose
5. conflicted @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ mamas cry 'cause - if there's one thing they don't need - it's another hungry mouth to feed
6. therapists advise women who are constantly stressed and tired to have another baby

#1341 Caught Off Guard
1. it isn't only obsequious grandees who produce a lot of manure at state occasions
2. the monarch frequently needs protecting from misfiring protection
3. panic-stricken royals insist a stray ball in their garden is an emergency
4. unprotected royals have replaced their corgis with rottweilers

#1342 Uni-ted We Roll, Uni-ted We Fall
1. people often feel unbalanced by their daily commute
2. sheep-like political loyalists repeat the mantra "one wheel bad, three wheels good"
3. environmental legislation occurs cyclically

#1343 Feeling Down
1. pilots always remember to send their doctors a Maxxmas card
2. airport announcements inform passengers that flights have been delayed because pilots are having afternoon naps
3. the flight attendant who draws the short straw is on "cockpit bucket duty"

#1344 Ups and Downs
1. orthopaedics patients often have a bounce in their step
2. little kids often wonder why strange grown-ups are following them around the soft play areas
3. 75% of the words in government-funded "Super Fun Maths Games" are probably inaccurate

#1345 To Each According to Whatever's Left
1. they who do not work shall not eat
2. produce labels read 'may contain traces of food'
3. glossy adverts featuring baby's first puff adorn mothers' magazines
4. adverts urge @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ to "reach for a ciggy instead of your supper"
5. real chickens replace rooster weather vanes on inner-city rooftop gardens

#1346 The Problem With Peyote
1. the only soporific permitted during sermons is the preacher's voice
2. party-lovers often change religions just for the weekend
3. would-be mescaline users often describe a crawling sensation on their skin

#1347 Winning the Genetic Lottery
1. the Small Council has more than a little influence
2. armoured pyjamas are in fashion amongst the nation's nobility
3. a man's 250 square-foot apartment is his castle

#1348 Heaven Can't Wait
1. the holiest shrine in @@FAITH@@ is on another world
2. religious fanatics complain of being held down by the earth's gravitational field
3. military chaplains grow frustrated with their long commutes
4. being a member of the glee club disqualifies @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ from space travel
5. above @@NAME@@ there is only sky and the fear of the unknown
6. above @@NAME@@ there is only sky and the fear of the unknown

#1349 You Must Be 18 Years or Older to View This Content
1. adulthood begins with the creation of an email account
2. kindergartners love the free balloons that their schools give them
3. kindergartners love the free balloons that their schools give them
4. unruly children often visit adult websites when angry with their parents
5. getting your license is a rite of passage for young adults

#1350 The @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ Are Coming!
1. the nation frequently scolds its subject territories for staying up past bedtime
2. a degree of self-hatred is vital for a future in politics
3. the seats at the back of the parliament are reserved for indigenous ministers
4. the word 'elite' appears as a synonym for various insults in the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Colonial Thesaurus
5. freedom is never freely given — only when the alternative is too expensive

#1351 Come Give @@LEADER@@ a Kiss!
1. little children cry as their rainbow drawings are seized by the Straight-Thought Police
2. 'I'm Coming Out' has shot to the top of the nation's music charts
3. there is a thriving underground gay scene
4. Mona Lola's famous mysterious smile is being altered to resemble @@LEADER@@'s enigmatic grin

#1352 The Brains Behind Kuru
1. brains have been removed from lists of best brain foods
2. human pie shops continue to receive shipments of meat from Spleeny Rodd's
3. the government is accused of being heartless by those considered brainless

#1353 The Birds and the Plan Bs
1. construction of the @@CAPITAL@@ Abortionplex has commenced
2. construction of the @@CAPITAL@@ Abortionplex has commenced
3. trashy talk shows that declare "You ARE the father!" are back on the air
4. couples often tie the knot after their first child

#1354 The One-Trick Pony
1. towns are often run by puppets
2. translators are keen to explain feline MPs' claw and ordure policies
3. accusations of corruption stick when the accused are long-gone
4. all animals are equal but some are more equal than others

#1355 Feeling Null
1. counselors diagnose their clients with motherboard complexes
2. commuters and their desktops both bemoan their hard drives
3. the meaning of life was recently discovered in the patch notes for Version 1.42

#1356 The Silicon Curtain
1. the new @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@-made OS is buggier and more inconvenient than a horse-drawn carriage
2. the new @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@-made OS is buggier and more inconvenient than a horse-drawn carriage
3. autarky's deemed malarkey as foreign bric-a-brac's brought back
4. the nation has unofficially betrayed its values
5. the nation has become both the largest producer and consumer of abaci in @@REGION@@

#1357 Scattered Showers
1. helium balloons lift the nation's spacecraft towards the heavens
2. firework salesmen are regularly arrested for selling contraband "space rockets"
3. firework salesmen are regularly arrested for selling contraband "space rockets"
4. space has been brought down to earth with constellations of cancer cases across @@NAME@@
5. scientific progress marches ever forward with the first ever launch of a cheeseburger into space

#1358 Who's In Your Wallet?
1. the nation honors the inventor of the three-wheeled steam-powered @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ weed picker
2. internet searches for the inventor of the three-wheeled steam-powered @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ weed picker are way up
3. putting a mustache on a banknote is considered defacing a national monument
4. the nation's new currency features full-length portraits of @@LEADER@@ in ermine and velvet garb
5. the elderly don't know who the dickens adorns the face of newly-issued banknotes
6. angry citizens complain that there isn't enough geographical diversity on the new banknotes

#1359 Covering All the Angles
1. the fishing lobby has stemmed the tide of environmental regulations
2. politicians are often referred to as thesauruses behind their backs
3. the true length of the coastline of @@NAME@@ may never be measured
4. lifeguards are stationed on the streets during rainstorms

#1360 Ask a Stupid Question?
1. twelfth-generation @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are deported for not knowing @@LEADER@@'s childhood nickname
2. citizenship applications are processed in the time it takes to smile and say "next, please"
3. immigration test hopefuls are taught immigrant blood is purple
4. the only science is political science

#1361 Fundamental Rights
1. parents dread their examinations more than their children
2. advanced mathematics books explain how two plus two equals five
3. every school is receiving a brand new eraser
4. the nation's girls answer "apple" when asked what makes pi

#1362 The Trans Panic Button
1. defense lawyers suggestively note to juries how flagrantly happy victims were
2. defense lawyers often argue there's no proof murder victims weren't vampires
3. @@LEADER@@ is considering changing the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ flag to one with more glitter

#1363 In My Defence
1. the SWAT team always rings twice
2. police are doing their best to break down barriers between them and the community
3. home invaders must be deterred with Wiffle bats
4. staple guns are seen as intrinsically evil

#1364 Payday Groans
1. loan operators are losing interest due to lost interest
2. it's said that @@A@@ @@DEMONYMNOUN@@ always pays his debts with significant compounding
3. it's hunting season on loan sharks

#1365 Balancing the Box
1. citizens tint their front windows to avoid starring in the 'TV Detector Patrol Unit' documentary
2. citizens tint their front windows to avoid starring in the 'TV Detector Patrol Unit' documentary
3. televisions are often seized to pay for overdue television license fees
4. 'Totally Not Partisan News' is a line item on the government budget
5. citizens hear a diversity of opinions from a range of billionaire-owned corporations

#1366 Parklife
1. parents must decide between buying food and taking their children to the park
2. public parks are on the upswing
3. the government has seized the means of recreation

#1367 Sweet, Sweet Marketing
1. grocery store cereal aisles resemble a Piet Mondrian work
2. teddy bear James Dean (aka "the Rebel Without the Claws") helps convince kids that candy cigarettes are cool
3. the full weight of the law is being applied against hate speech

#1368 Parking Hell
1. the optimally efficient parking strategy for business commuters is referred to as the "traveling salesman problem"
2. parking's carefree without parking car fees
3. urban parents tell their children that the family car went to a farm upstate

#1369 Negotiation Complication
1. human sacrifice to the metaphorical altar of Mammon ensures national prosperity
2. @@NAME@@ recently hosted the least successful trade negotiations since The Phantom Menace
3. the intelligence community is playing 4-D chess with an imaginary spy network

#1370 All Systems Post-Nominal
1. a PhD just ain't what it used to be
2. children must be board certified to append "Jr" to their name
3. professionals are ready to retire by the time they receive permission to use their credentials
4. the full title of Hon @@LEADER@@ Vcte Mgve MF @@TYPEINITIALS@@@@NAMEINITIALS@@LM GC@@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@E runs to several pages
5. doctors can't help but regard @@LEADER@@ Vcte Mgve MF @@TYPEINITIALS@@@@NAMEINITIALS@@LM GC@@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@E with envy

#1371 @@NAME@@ Rocked by Rolls' Fatal Role
1. armed security details escort librarians to their homes
2. the general public only knows their favorite politician's first name
3. tabloids publicly shun nurses for not calling home on the weekends

#1372 Balls to All That
1. tipsy fans frequently invite themselves to the board meetings of sports clubs
2. the name of the "Butcher of Bigtopia" adorns shirts across @@NAME@@
3. foreign football clubs wave the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ flag before every game
4. shirts-versus-skins games are now skins-versus-skins games

#1373 You Should Have (Copy)Left My Software Alone!
1. programmers often reinvent the wheel
2. government programs are less "written" and more "plagiarised"
3. using "inspect element" is grounds for espionage charges
4. too many developers spoil the codebase

#1374 Protect and Swerve
1. the long arm of the law possesses a rather slow hand
2. both criminals and civilians are DOA
3. it takes a village to catch a criminal

#1375 [MADness] Never Say Yes to a Conference Again
1. the nation's declaring that sharing nukes is caring [leads to #1376]
2. the nation's declaring that sharing nukes is caring [leads to #1391]
3. a friend in need is a friend with nuclear greed [leads to #1376]
4. a friend in need is a friend with nuclear greed [leads to #1391]
5. the military has gone fission for more funding [leads to #1376]
6. the military has gone fission for more funding [leads to #1391]
7. the nation has chosen not to live in interesting times [end chain]

#1376 [MADness] From East Lebatuck With Love
1. the navy's new flotilla is gonna be a thrilla [leads to #1377]
2. there's more than one way to skin a diplomat [leads to #1377]

#1377 [MADness] For @@LEADER@@'s Ears Only
1. enemy agents are generally eliminated with extreme prejudice [leads to #1378]
2. enemy agents often find themselves caught in a bind [leads to #1378]
3. sly spies try to rely on national allies so that they don't die [leads to #1378]
4. enemy agents are generally eliminated with extreme prejudice [leads to #1381]
5. enemy agents often find themselves caught in a bind [leads to #1381]
6. sly spies try to rely on national allies so that they don't die [leads to #1381]

#1378 [MADness] Authorization to Kill
1. @@LEADER/NAME@@ shot first [leads to #1379]
2. @@LEADER/NAME@@ shot first [leads to #1379]
3. bored sailors desperately hope that someone will shoot at them [leads to #1379]
4. @@LEADER/NAME@@ shot first [leads to #1380]
5. @@LEADER/NAME@@ shot first [leads to #1380]
6. bored sailors desperately hope that someone will shoot at them [leads to #1380]

#1379 [MADness] A View to a Thrill
1. the roundel of the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Air Force has become an internationally recognized symbol of destruction [leads to #1385]
2. the unofficial motto of the nation's intelligence agency is "in Bont we trust" [leads to #1384]
3. there's more than one way to skin a diplomat [leads to #1381]

#1380 [MADness] A View to a Thrill
1. the roundel of the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Air Force has become an internationally recognized symbol of destruction [leads to #1385]
2. the unofficial motto of the nation's intelligence agency is "in Bont we trust" [leads to #1384]
3. there's more than one way to skin a diplomat [leads to #1381]

#1381 [MADness] Chairman No
1. citizens are being told that the greatness of a nation's power is the measure of its surrender [leads to #1382]
2. citizens are being told that the greatness of a nation's power is the measure of its surrender [leads to #1382]
3. they say the best compromise leaves everyone feeling a little unarmed [leads to #1383]
4. international negotiations always lead to a lot of missile-laneous expenses [leads to #1383]

#1382 [MADness] Leave and Let Die
1. the roundel of the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Air Force has become an internationally recognized symbol of destruction [leads to #1385]
2. the unofficial motto of the nation's intelligence agency is "in Bont we trust" [leads to #1384]
3. the nation keeps its friends close and its enemies' nuclear arsenals closer [end chain]

#1383 [MADness] You Only Negotiate Twice
1. the nation is relieved that all of the recent madness has finally come to an end [end chain]
2. the nation is relieved that all of the recent madness has finally come to an end [end chain]

#1384 [MADness] On @@LEADER@@'s Secret Service
1. it's not only teenagers who mess around with fake IDs [leads to #1386]
2. the military has a surprising tolerance for collateral damage [leads to #1385]

#1385 [MADness] Skycrash
1. the nation's mettle is about to be tested [leads to #1388]
2. foreign visitors are wary of being kidnapped and swapped for military hostages [leads to #1387]
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have become death, the destroyer of worlds [leads to #1388]

#1386 [MADness] The Spy Who Tricked Me
1. the nation's mettle is about to be tested [leads to #1388]
2. a spy for a spy makes the whole world less radioactive [leads to #1387]
3. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ have become death, the destroyer of worlds [leads to #1388]

#1387 [MADness] The @@DEMONYM@@ with the Golden Gun
1. the nation is relieved that all of the recent madness has finally come to an end [end chain]
2. the nation is relieved that all of the recent madness has finally come to an end [end chain]

#1388 [MADness] Tomorrow Never Arrives
1. rural @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ stare in awe at the bright lights of the big cities [leads to #1389]
2. rural @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ stare in awe at the bright lights of the big cities [leads to #1389]

#1389 [MADness] Die Some Other Day
1. recent events have left citizens both shaken and stirred [leads to #1390]
2. recent events have left citizens both shaken and stirred [leads to #1390]
3. recent events have left citizens both shaken and stirred [leads to #1390]
4. recent events have left citizens both shaken and stirred [leads to #1390]

#1390 [MADness] Spectrum of Solace
1. taxpayers cringe whenever someone brings up the Former Antagonist Reparations Treaty [end chain]
2. taxpayers cringe whenever someone brings up the Former Antagonist Reparations Treaty [end chain]
3. the nation's most powerful weapon is its negotiating skills [end chain]
4. a surprisingly large share of the nation's budget is used to buy new houses for immigrants [end chain]
5. a surprisingly large share of the nation's budget is used to buy new houses for immigrants [end chain]
6. corporations have to consult a fifty-page "sanctions spreadsheet" to determine which countries they are allowed to do business with [end chain]
7. corporations have to consult a fifty-page "sanctions spreadsheet" to determine which countries they are allowed to do business with [end chain]

#1391 [MADness] The World Is Not Radioactive Enough
1. the military claims that their threatening letters are signed with the blood of their enemies [leads to #1392]
2. the nation's diplomats are all talk and no action [leads to #1392]
3. intelligence analysts spend most of their time looking at embarrassing photos on social media sites [leads to #1392]

#1392 [MADness] No Crime to Spy
1. reassembling shredded papers is the highlight of a spy's day [leads to #1393]
2. the nation's spies are always on break time [leads to #1393]

#1393 [MADness] Authorization to Kill
1. the navy is hoping to hear the enemy shout "you sank my battleship!" [leads to #1394]
2. naval armadas borrow their formations from synchronized swimming handbooks [leads to #1395]

#1394 [MADness] For @@LEADER@@'s Ears Only
1. enemy agents are generally eliminated with extreme prejudice [leads to #1396]
2. enemy agents often find themselves caught in a bind [leads to #1396]
3. sly spies try to rely on national allies so that they don't die [leads to #1396]

#1395 [MADness] For @@LEADER@@'s Ears Only
1. enemy agents are generally eliminated with extreme prejudice [leads to #1396]
2. enemy agents often find themselves caught in a bind [leads to #1396]
3. sly spies try to rely on national allies so that they don't die [leads to #1396]

#1396 [MADness] Skycrash
1. enemy combatants are presumed guilty until proven innocent [leads to #1397]
2. maps of the enemy's positions are often covered in blood [leads to #1397]
3. tourists ask to stay in the same pleasant accommodations where foreign prisoners are kept [leads to #1397]

#1397 [MADness] On @@LEADER@@'s Secret Service
1. it's not only teenagers who mess around with fake IDs [leads to #1398]
2. it's not only teenagers who mess around with fake IDs [leads to #1398]
3. the government hopes that Federation janitors overhear all of the good gossip [leads to #1398]

#1398 [MADness] Spectre Royale
1. military advisors frequently remind San Vitenzan farmers that they have to pull the pin on a grenade before throwing it [leads to #1399]
2. there's more than one way to skin a diplomat [leads to #1400]

#1399 [MADness] VioletEye
1. soiled underwear is being repurposed as (off-)white flags [leads to #1400]
2. ordinary soldiers trade rumors about the top secret "Death From Above" project [leads to #1403]
3. no bunny expects the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ rabbit coalition [leads to #1403]

#1400 [MADness] President No
1. citizens are being told that the greatness of a nation's power is the measure of its surrender [leads to #1401]
2. they say the best compromise leaves everyone feeling a little unarmed [leads to #1402]
3. international negotiations always lead to a lot of missile-laneous expenses [leads to #1402]

#1401 [MADness] Leave and Let Die
1. they say the best compromise leaves everyone feeling a little unarmed [leads to #1402]
2. nuclear superiority has been traded for moral superiority [end chain]

#1402 [MADness] You Only Negotiate Twice
1. the nation is relieved that all of the recent madness has finally come to an end [end chain]
2. the nation is relieved that all of the recent madness has finally come to an end [end chain]

#1403 [MADness] Tomorrow Never Arrives
1. rural @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ stare in awe at the bright lights of the big cities [leads to #1404]
2. rural @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ stare in awe at the bright lights of the big cities [leads to #1404]

#1404 [MADness] Die Some Other Day
1. the best spies are positively radiant after completing a big mission [leads to #1405]
2. the best spies are positively radiant after completing a big mission [leads to #1405]

#1405 [MADness] Spectrum of Solace
1. taxpayers cringe whenever someone brings up the Former Antagonist Reparations Treaty [end chain]
2. the nation's most powerful weapon is its negotiating skills [end chain]
3. a surprisingly large share of the nation's budget is used to buy new houses for immigrants [end chain]
4. trade ministers have to consult a fifty-page "sanctions spreadsheet" to determine which countries they are allowed to do business with [end chain]
5. trade ministers have to consult a fifty-page "sanctions spreadsheet" to determine which countries they are allowed to do business with [end chain]

#1406 Can't Touch This
1. police are saying "bye book" to "by the book"
2. police are saying "bye book" to "by the book"
3. lawmakers frequent the same speakeasies that they've publicly sworn to shut down
4. organised crime is fine as long as there's a well-organised tax return
5. falling over while singing is a national pastime

#1407 New Tricks
1. @@LEADER@@'s new door-knocking campaign has the sweet taste of success
2. parents are fined for sending their children to take out the trash after sunset
3. a child's only Trickster Night scare is the sight of their parents dancing
4. red fabric is banned
5. jollity-related fatalities are on the increase

#1408 (A Lot Of) Pennies for Your Thoughts
1. out-of-work actors say they can't complain
2. a few people seem to spend their whole time complaining
3. surprising numbers of poor people are protesting against taxing the rich
4. chanting protestors ask "WHAT DO WE WANT?" and reply "MORE OF THE SAME"

#1409 Happy Pranksgiving!
1. law schools are hurrying to teach the "prank defense" to their students
2. class clowns are frequently listed among the most dangerous criminals in the nation
3. producers insist that movie stars wear crash helmets in every scene
4. prank shows are so hot right now

#1410 Lives On-Line
1. hospitals have to sell their computers on vBay in order to afford the ransomware decryption payments
2. hospitals have poor data security but send lots of bodies to be encrypted
3. hospitals have poor data security but send lots of bodies to be encrypted
4. hospitals fear government fines more than terrorist ransoms
5. doctors fax when they need facts fast

#1411 Atomic Split
1. prospective secessionists nervously declare how worthless and unimportant they are
2. the Finance Ministry has gone into meltdown upon hearing the price to avoid nuclear disaster
3. @@NAME@@ isn't the only thing that's falling apart

#1412 Another Day, Another Dollar
1. the government hopes austerity will lead to prosperity
2. the @@CURRENCY@@ is said to only have value in antique shops
3. the @@CURRENCY@@ is worth its weight in gold
4. purchasing a can of Addison Cola requires a wheelbarrow of cash

#1413 Old Fusion
1. military minds worry that 'the blue screen of death' on brand new operating systems may be a literal description
2. the national defense strategy is a little floppy
3. standard-issue infantry rifles now have carnations instead of bayonets

#1414 My Milkshake Brings All the @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ to the Yard
1. any secret that gets off someone's chest is promptly replaced
2. barbers who trim a few inches of hair bill the government for their labor
3. facial disfigurement is a leading cause of supervillainy

#1415 The Melting Point
1. a speech a day keeps climate change away
2. after every storm there's an expensive government-funded rainbow
3. people are always complaining about dam builders running behind schedule
4. people are always complaining about dam builders running behind schedule

#1416 Building on Sand
1. the nation threatens sanctions on islands only visible at low tide
2. laborers are building walls and making Wezeltonia pay for it
3. undersea volcanoes receive strongly worded letters for violating environmental regulations
4. the nation is wading into dangerous waters

#1417 Nun on the Run
1. clergy who start talking about politics are forced to take a holy vow of silence
2. weekly religious services often resemble campaign rallies
3. citizens ask "how many crooks could a nunchuck hook if a nun had nunchucks too?"
4. every political party claims that their platform is based on divine revelation

#1418 The High Life
1. children's daycare starts at the crack of dawn
2. parents are always up to speed on the latest childcare techniques
3. stray dogs and children root through the trash for snacks
4. heavily stoned police officers are unsure whether the recent directive to 'clean up the streets' means arresting drug dealers or hosing down the sidewalk

#1419 The Madson-Hashley Scandal
1. business is banging at no-tell motels
2. love means always having to say you're sorry
3. criminals are really screwed
4. secret police deal with secret crimes

#1420 Trading Climate Sours
1. @@LEADER@@ arrives at international summits with a white cane
2. the nation's new flagship trading company deals exclusively in things no one wants
3. attempts at growing pineapples in the desert have been unsuccessful

#1421 Have Your Cake and Don't Eat It
1. asking 'does my bum look big in this?' leads to 30 hours of self-esteem classes
2. racehorses move a lot slower these days
3. relatives of recent award winners find their trophies make stylish urns
4. Big Belly is watching you

#1422 Who Comes Up With This Ship?
1. the latest guided missile cruiser "Ship-1642" has received precisely zero column inches in the press
2. many are asking why the latest naval vessel is named after Saint Bartholomeus the Many Handed
3. the "Dreadnowt" is the pride and joy of the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Navy
4. hundreds of sailors ride the good ship @@LEADER@@ day after day

#1423 A Slice of the Pi
1. pareidolic SETI scientists swear there's a message from aliens hidden within pi
2. blue sky thinkers are reminded that the firmament is actually more of a grey-ish colour
3. brain injury is seen as a desirable outcome rather than a side effect of contact sports
4. engineers are reinventing the wheel

#1424 Here's Looking at Zoo, Kid
1. recapturing giraffes is proving to be a tall order
2. it turns out you can teach cats new tricks
3. endangered species face obesity instead of extinction

#1425 @@LEADER@@'s New Clothes
1. @@LEADER@@ is called 'Patches' at international summits
2. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ believe manners maketh the leader
3. some magnifier-wielding @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ say @@LEADER@@ seems a little lacking in something
4. some magnifier-wielding @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ say @@LEADER@@ seems a little lacking in something
5. ministers browse Alright! magazine for fashion tips

#1426 She's a Keeper
1. fixing attendance at women's matches is a matter of "when they go low, we go high... funding"
2. girls in elementary school classes gaze longingly at boys playing tag
3. sports fans complain that cricket tests now last an unbearable ten days

#1427 May the Fourth Estate Be With You
1. news editors who eschew the state-approved superlatives for describing @@LEADER@@ tend to disappear
2. the nation won three wars against Brancaland this weekend
3. students spend the school year learning how great the education system is
4. calling @@LEADER@@ a tyrant is seen as the ultimate compliment

#1428 In the Bag
1. no one gossips with @@LEADER@@ during diplomatic summits
2. diplomatic cables about @@LEADER@@ have suddenly been very flattering
3. customs officers pretend not to hear shouts of "HELP LET ME OUT!" emerging from diplomatic bags
4. overhead luggage compartments on planes sometimes conceal diminutive intelligence officers
5. overhead luggage compartments on trains sometimes conceal diminutive intelligence officers

#1429 The Wind Become Death
1. diplomatic fallout tends to be much more dangerous than radioactive fallout
2. radiation is a hot topic
3. gift baskets often contain working nukes
4. the stratosphere is full of "silent but deadly" attacks from @@LEADER@@'s rear echelons

#1430 Taking the Peace?
1. wars of expansion are described as "peacekeeping operations"
2. stern tutting by international commentators has persuaded @@NAME@@ to disarm
3. requests to "pass the salt" are supported by tank divisions

#1431 Just Deserts for Desertion?
1. soldiers who shoot themselves in the foot are regarded as heroes
2. soldiers are "encouraged" to advance by armed officers behind them
3. criminal convictions are routinely thrown out because the accused's grandmother didn't get to testify about their good character
4. nerdy teenagers have to prove that they're made of the same stuff as their grandparents

#1432 Oh Dear
1. if you go into the woods today you're sure of a big surprise
2. there's an aura of pseudoscience around academia
3. religion makes people horny
4. religion makes people horny
5. government fact-checkers use surprising amounts of high explosive

#1433 Green Thumbs Sore
1. lumberjacks only use certified eco-friendly chainsaws
2. manufacturers of biodegradable plastics have to wait for months to show evidence of organic decomposition
3. monochrome green ECO-@@NAMEINITIALS@@ products adorn the supermarket shelves

#1434 Blood on Your Nuts
1. superfoods are often seen as supervillains
2. Big Agriculture has the government by the nuts
3. slavers are real nutters

#1435 A Hot Potato
1. major cities run on potato batteries
2. the Super-Spud Cinematic Universe is breaking box office records
3. farmers in arid regions are puzzled with government directions to plant rice this year
4. economics is a shrinking field

#1436 Meat Meet
1. government officials who do an offal job get smoked
2. the steaks are too high for ambassadors to butcher foreign relationships
3. the legalization of meat has skewered the sales of vegetarian substitutes

#1437 Crushed Dreams
1. baby dolls thrown in the trash are a leading cause of panic attacks
2. a favorite "life hack" for gap year backpackers is to pretend to be homeless for government handouts
3. people are often woken up by rubbish music

#1438 Push Polling
1. the mob vote is a crucial electoral demographic
2. the nation's democracy attracts huddled masses yearning to breathe free
3. nobody is quite sure what the government's last policy decision was but fans are saying it'll make @@NAME@@ great again

#1439 Philately Will Get You Nowhere
1. the digital money revolution has cashed out
2. penny whistles have been rebranded 'tin hornpipes'
3. nobody expected the fruit inquisition
4. people are raising their middle finger to non-digital currencies

#1440 Dungeons and Deaths
1. there's no escape from the rule of law... or police brutality
2. murderers facing life in prison listen to long sermons on positive thinking
3. cops shout apologies with every swing of their baton
4. violence is always the answer in @@NAME@@

#1441 Don't Burn Baby Don't Burn
1. kindergartners' favourite dance move is the stop-drop-and-roll
2. teen parties are often ruined by wet blanket chaperones
3. toast never burns but always has a weird chemical taste

#1442 A Green Bill of Health
1. travelers are subject to extensive searches if beet stains are visible on their clothing
2. vegetables are crisper thanks to CRISPR
3. vegetables are crisper thanks to CRISPR
4. orange trees find it's not easy being green

#1443 Forage and Forget
1. pulling weeds is seen as a threat to national security
2. foragers descend on national cemeteries for 'all-you-can-dig-up' extravaganzas
3. money grows on trees
4. citizens praise the weeds that overwhelm their narrow vegetable realm

#1444 Trouble in Deed
1. returning vacationers often find that their property is now a construction site
2. attempts to inform people about their unclaimed property are often mistaken for telephone scams
3. new homeowners go furniture hunting with crowbars

#1445 The Dialectics of Dialects
1. the official @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Phrase Book weighs as much as a small child
2. faking deafness is the only way to guarantee a holiday in the nation
3. every citizen sounds like a television news anchor

#1446 Yet Another Issue About Periods
1. teachers are dying as they attempt to read 500 word essays without pausing for breath
2. children spend all morning taking out a comma and all afternoon putting it back in again
3. lion-reed-vulture-hand-reed-mouth is how @@NAME@@ is spelt now

#1447 The Lowest Form of Wit
1. you can tell when @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are being snarky by the fact their lips are moving
2. politicians literally speak literally
3. the phrase "you might think that but I couldn't possibly comment" is the closest you'll get to a straight answer from @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ politicians

#1448 A Seat Quite Vacant Is a Seat Distressed
1. elected officials who disagree with @@LEADER@@ have a lot of accidents
2. document forgery is a critical skill for would-be politicians
3. candidates make campaign speeches at the funerals of former rivals
4. you can represent some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time but not all of the people all of the time
5. detrimental health conditions can be a political death sentence

#1449 Annie Get Your Gun
1. metal detectors at school gates make sure that teenagers are carrying at least one sidearm
2. the "do ya feel lucky, punk?" scene is on the core syllabus at the National Police Academy
3. baby strollers have occupier-operated side-mounted machine guns
4. it's no longer mandatory for armless amputees to own ironic side-arms

#1450 Driving @@LEADER@@
1. @@LEADER@@'s Dreadnought-class tankbuster limousine is said to have more ammunition than the entire Brancalandian Army
2. @@LEADER@@ can be seen doing doughnuts in a new Rambogini
3. @@LEADER@@ can't hear a thing when the unwashed masses throw rocks at the new state limousine
4. @@LEADER@@'s used car is held together by bumper stickers that support the opposition
5. @@LEADER@@ always arrives fashionably late and smelling of mushrooms

#1451 A Dread Letter
1. @@LEADER@@ claims tax rises are the result of 'curses'
2. promising seven years of bad luck leads to seven years of community service
3. neighbourhood gossips whip up controversy about those receiving adult merchandise
4. @@LEADER@@'s opponents have adopted dogs to chase away the mailman

#1452 Hello Darkness My Old Friend
1. the government has declared "all your rigs are belong to us"
2. the government enables frack addiction
3. noises of neighbourhood generators have pierced the sound of silence

#1453 A Salt and Battery
1. the environment is gorgeous so long as you're looking up
2. foreign policy is based upon the principle of sieve and take
3. thieves find battery shops juicier targets than banks

#1454 Poplar Opinion
1. access to the woods is only granted to those who bring a small shrubbery
2. environmentalists are advocating slash-and-burn in the nation's forests
3. biological warfare is used to solve small disagreements
4. dandruff and athlete's foot are seen as signs of physical beauty

#1455 Trademarks Make Their Mark on Marketing
1. paralegals spend all day Hewlett-Packing attorneys' law briefs
2. companies have begun running campaigns to stop people from remembering their brand name
3. at least 4 unique companies in @@NAME@@ claim to sell Eckie-Cola
4. nearsighted shoppers looking for probiotics end up purchasing a lot of prophylactics

#1456 Weather Report: It's Not Graining In East Lebatuck
1. exports are stamped with "made by the invisible hand you commies"
2. the government's policy is 'all pain, no grain'
3. foreign aid is a seedy business

#1457 Use the Farce, @@LEADER@@
1. citizens volunteer for tax audits to avoid the 80-page Practical Assessment Survey Tool On Religions
2. government statisticians explain census inaccuracies by declaring that "Sith happens"
3. the only film released this month was "Prayervengers: Heresy War"
4. the only film released this month was "Atheistvengers: Scientific Literacy War"
5. science fiction is seen as the leading cause of mental breakdowns
6. for some reason the census focuses on daily banana ingestion and hourly quip rate

#1458 Children of @@FAITH@@
1. atheistic refugees haven't got a prayer of being granted asylum
2. priests roam the streets with child-catcher nets
3. GDP growth is the preferred altar of national worship
4. the temple hierarchy have found that endorsements are even more lucrative than indulgences

#1459 Friends With Tax Benefits
1. people boast about their low income on their dating profiles
2. tax avoidance is a serious affair
3. unemployed accountants keep double-entry ledgers of their benefit claims

#1460 A Burning Question
1. beggars lack pockets for spare change
2. the end of autumn is celebrated with a bonfire of designer bags
3. government ministers have eclectic tastes in curtains

#1461 No Shirt, No Shoes, No ID, No Service
1. voters who forget their name are given a hint
2. some voters are required to show a minimum of four forms of identification
3. requests for password resets peak during election season
4. the only legal elections are for student body president

#1462 Glory Kill
1. soldiers stream their classified military operations live for millions of fans
2. quiet professionalism has returned to the nation's armed forces
3. the nation's "surprisingly chill" military is renowned for its horrendous war crimes

#1463 Sandbagging
1. half-submerged and flooded seaside hotels are technically still next to the beach
2. the treehouse in @@ANIMAL@@ Park is the tallest building in @@NAME@@
3. birdsong in the mountains has to be loud enough to drown out nearby jackhammers
4. residents of houses built on a foundation of wishful thinking are prone to an odd sinking feeling

#1464 Gentry Genes Getting Grim
1. aristocratic family trees are beginning to resemble tumbleweeds
2. would-be crossers of the class divide find the social ladder is well-lubricated
3. nobility is the world's oldest profession
4. jackboots have given the boot to the nobility

#1465 Parking Pandemonium
1. everyone has the equal opportunity to have their wallet stolen
2. men are finding 'she spots' more easily but they can't use them
3. parking lots are littered with coffee cups and doughnut crumbs
4. people queue for valets instead of parking spaces

#1466 Don't Shoot Your Eye Out
1. shooting someone has never been safer
2. calling tech support mid-shootout is a common occurrence
3. gun owners are skilled at everything except shooting
4. gun shops sell hook hands and eye patches

#1467 Gay Men Held by Police
1. when their backs are against the walls @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ look out for gay men
2. when their backs are against the walls @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ look out for gay men
3. man-love is banned in the name of His love
4. the government offers gay men mildly offensive tips on how to pass as straight
5. war is made in the name of love

#1468 Meat With Approval
1. the traditional Violetist dish of stuffed sheep's head is served with an intense look of shock upon its face
2. rare steaks seem even bluer now
3. abattoirs are struggling with the directive to 'wait until the animal dies of a ripe old age'

#1469 News Flash!
1. TV coverage of music festivals consists mostly of backstage interviews
2. viewers get headaches from trying to read the screen full of small print warnings that precede most TV shows
3. political shows are fit for purpose

#1470 The Devil's Spawn
1. passive-aggressive congratulations cards inform mums-to-be that their pregnancy is their greatest achievement in life
2. declaring that "some kids are just born evil" is not endearing @@LEADER@@ to progressive thinkers
3. pedants defending @@LEADER@@ observe that psychopaths and sociopaths aren't exactly the same thing
4. ignorance is considered a politically desirable quality

#1471 @@LEADER@@ and the Lost Chamber of Vetoes
1. old fossils give the tours at the parliamentary museum
2. the parliament doubled in size recently
3. the parliament doubled in size recently
4. staffers take uppers in the old upper house chamber
5. the legislature has come out as bicameral

#1472 Home Is Where the Lung Is
1. air purifiers fight smoke machines on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ stage setups
2. children have nightmares about the eerie red glow and constant whirring of newly-installed machines
3. home renovation projects take decades to complete
4. community organizers have given up going door to door because nobody is home
5. jumping in puddles after rainstorms has become an indoor activity

#1473 A Pretty Pass
1. political commentators say that @@LEADER@@'s fruitcake plans are about to go pear-shaped
2. the government has to take out its Visa to eliminate visas
3. the line of people waiting for a visa interview in front of foreign embassies is typically a mile long

#1474 Cuy Bono?
1. eating kids as food has been enshrined in law
2. @@CAPITAL@@ has restaurants serving every meat from aardvark to zebra
3. delicate flowers faint at news of house plants being eaten

#1475 Bombshell for @@LEADER@@
1. Catherine Gratwick's campaign support is considered seminal
2. @@LEADER@@'s support among single young men has drooped slightly
3. @@LEADER@@'s campaign events reach their climax when the celebrity endorsers reveal themselves
4. celebrities sit helplessly as they are labeled "pompous womples" by @@LEADER@@

#1476 Known Unknowns
1. @@LEADER@@ likes it when another nation spies on their citizens
2. if there's something strange in your neighborhood you call Brancaland
3. knowledge is power

#1477 Some People Never Listen
1. increasing inclusiveness is a sign of the times
2. the deaf are perplexed when the weather report tells them that the wind will be "bringing some rain along the Nazi ghosts"
3. citizens wouldn't recognise @@LEADER@@ if they passed one another on the street

#1478 Two Sides of a Coin
1. asking 'a penny for your thoughts?' draws law enforcement response
2. asking 'a penny for your thoughts?' draws law enforcement response
3. the nation's museums are real penny-pinchers
4. the best defense is a good fence
5. the best defense is a good fence

#1479 Fares Fair?
1. the transit system is throwing poor people under the bus
2. turnstile jumpers grow up to be tax cheats
3. maximum security @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ subway stations inspire prison systems around the world
4. public ferries only carry enough lifeboats for the first-class passengers

#1480 Motherlode
1. teenagers claim that morning paper rounds are performance art
2. stage mothers commonly give their children the nickname 'Cash'
3. grandiose stage parents insist superyachts and private cinemas are children's basic needs

#1481 Livin' on a Prayer
1. even God cannot save you in @@NAME@@
2. all you have to do is pray to get into @@NAME@@
3. illegal immigration remains a hot topic

#1482 A Crypto for the Comrades?
1. convicted crypto-miners are sent to the salt mines
2. digital novelty coins make for surprising vanguards of the revolution
3. revolutionaries only deal in CyanCatCoin

#1483 The Unkindest Cut
1. the government regrets to say that it is forced to make cuts to citizens
2. the government regrets to say that it is forced to make cuts to citizens
3. those who cut young children are told to cut it out
4. the government puts forth the claim that harming young girls is wrong

#1484 Joint Trade Agreement
1. business ambassadors offer bong tokes to foreign leaders
2. greenhouses are regularly raided by the police
3. the nation is going green

#1485 How to Train Your AI
1. everyone seems to be pushing the buttons of AIs
2. AI citizens are criticized for being robotic
3. AI citizens think only in binary
4. before @@LEADER@@ all AI are equally undeserving of rights

#1486 Ask Your Doctor if Ads for Prescription Drugs Are Right for @@NAME@@
1. the hit new medical TV show "Home" prominently features the brand of painkiller the lead doctor is addicted to
2. doctors prescribe medicines produced by the last pharmaceutical company to give them a free pen
3. doctors prescribe medicines produced by the last pharmaceutical company to give them a free pen
4. the RXN information hour is a guaranteed cure for insomnia

#1487 O Fortuna!
1. only lightning has a chance of striking @@LEADER@@ twice
2. feeling like a winner comes at a price
3. @@LEADER@@ toils in solitude while relatives party on a remote tropical island
4. @@LEADER@@ can finally stop kneading the dough and start rolling in it instead

#1488 First, Do No Harm
1. a nickname of "Doctor Death" probably indicates a decorated war hero
2. army doctors who come under attack defend themselves by using stethoscopes like nunchaku
3. the cruise missile launchers on the field hospital roof are purely deterrent in purpose

#1489 No Tern Left Unstoned
1. children play a simplified version of hopscotch
2. woke teenagers spontaneously burst into tears when thinking about the world's woes
3. the people have taken "Hail @@LEADER@@" as an invitation to lob rocks
4. soldiers are taught to throw their guns at their enemies once the bullets have run out

#1490 @@LEADER@@ Wins Massive Victory!
1. the government insists that a ghost voted ten million times in the last election
2. a mayoral candidate backed by @@LEADER@@ recently won re-election with 110% of the vote
3. the government's new "quiet competence" initiative has supporters and detractors alike reeling in confusion
4. the media only bothers polling the three most exclusive country clubs in the nation

#1491 Press Gang
1. giggling elementary school newspaper reporters want to know why @@LEADER@@ is a silly poophead
2. press conferences always end with standing ovations and rapturous applause
3. government officials stay up all night in flame wars with their constituents

#1492 Smoke on the Water
1. middle-aged metal fans quite enjoy being called "rebellious youths" by even older politicians
2. there's nothing more rock-and-roll than absolute sobriety
3. visitors often mistake the toiletplex at music festivals for the main stage
4. the @@ANIMAL@@ has a hungry look

#1493 Bully Beef
1. exported livestock are wined and dined before they are flat ironed
2. exports of live cows arrive pre-roasted
3. massive new slaughterhouses are being hailed as a sign of progress

#1494 A Minor Political Problem
1. politicians can't accept birthday presents from their own children
2. politicians can be seen taking candy from babies
3. the little guy plays a big role in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ politics

#1495 Throwing Paleontologists a Bone
1. kids looking for shark teeth have become ancient history
2. academics have a bone to pick with free market entrepreneurs
3. the government prefers to leave the past buried

#1496 A Place For Everything
1. political clichés like "band-aid solutions" and "adrenaline shots to the economy" are headed for the dumpster
2. it's considered providence that the political lexicon contains a syrup of company slogans
3. politicians put their fingers in their ears and sing "la la la la" when walking past lobbyists

#1497 Double Trouble
1. reflection is vital for badly behaved politicians
2. twins move across the country to avoid being accused of the other's crimes
3. expectant parents view twins with equal parts joy and suspicion

#1498 Flight 201: An Airspace Oddity
1. foreign leaders are advising that @@LEADER@@'s letters must have gotten lost in the mail
2. when flight control tells pilots to alter course the usual reply is "No, YOU move!"
3. the "give and take" of international diplomacy often happens at gunpoint
4. tumbleweeds are seen blowing through the nation's airspace

#1499 Chasing the Pixelated Dragon
1. intoxicated AI mobile platforms are sometimes seen crashing through windows instead of being crashed by them
2. older AIs regularly threaten to send newer generation AIs to Reform Programming if caught rounding up instead of down
3. citizens have to stick a fork into an electrical outlet to get a buzz
4. the economy has returned to the good old days when humans were overworked and microwave ovens didn't give you no sass

#1500 Rodents of Unusual Sociability
1. goldfish bowls are three metres in diameter
2. dogs are encouraged to confront the psychodynamic roots of their desire to be "good boys"
3. news headlines suggest that @@LEADER@@ has a sideline in guinea pig pimping
4. pet owners want to know why their animals keep smiling at them

#1501 Diamond in the Rough
1. factories place endangered birds in their rafters in pursuit of government protections
2. endangered bison are herded across the border to prevent them from trampling on native prairie grass
3. endangered bison are herded across the border to prevent them from trampling on native prairie grass
4. spotted owl meat is used as bait to lure wolves into traps

#1502 Dirty Deals
1. coastlines are giant slag heaps
2. people don't want any foreign rubbish
3. work stinks
4. work stinks

#1503 The Scent of Sexism
1. pregnancy tests are under fire from the government for being marketed only to women
2. the annual Adult Film Awards have a category for most titillating aftershave advert
3. a teen dramedy has been taken off air because the main villain is a man

#1504 Asking for a Raise
1. card players are calling the government's bluff on anti-gambling legislation
2. job security isn't great for professional roulette players
3. baize on snooker tables has been stripped for "appearing too hedonistic"
4. people who are too good at riffle shuffling get disappeared by the secret police

#1505 A Tangled Web
1. guide dogs for the blind have been seen using government websites
2. cat memes without alt text are now illegal
3. citizens have to identify all the polar bears in a blizzard photo in order to access their bank account
4. the bureaucracy's scale makes the trees wail

#1506 A Need for Order
1. it's believed that women's brains will overheat if they think for themselves
2. @@LEADER@@ is strangely popular with male politicians' wives
3. tough diplomacy is often best handled with a nutcracker

#1507 Busting to Go
1. a major piece of minority legislation allows a majority of minority interests to majorly undermine majority politics
2. gangs of political bullies tell minority voices to "shut up because we say so"
3. parliamentarians prepare for marathon speeches with drinking hats and nappies
4. life is somewhat repetitive [leads to #1507]

#1508 Kicking Out the Competition
1. dreams of entering the Super League have been relegated to the history books
2. sports club owners are having a moneyball
3. the nation's smallest @@ANIMAL@@ball teams trade draft picks for a free lunch

#1509 Parks and Aggravation
1. national park visitors are reporting a rash of poison ivy sightings
2. certain national parks offer tanning beds because the visitors never go outside
3. certain national parks offer tanning beds because the visitors never go outside
4. visitors to Self-Sufficiency National Park who ask for trail maps are handed a pen and a blank sheet of paper
5. the latest national park is visited by more sharks than people
6. visitors to Graffiti Warrens National Park are offered a complimentary tetanus vaccination
7. the tallest mountains are adorned with roller coasters

#1510 Devolution Devolves Into Disaster?
1. citizens insist that there's no law against standing downwind when marijuana crops are burned off
2. regional governors use national law books as toilet paper
3. city mayors have to get permission from parliament to take a vacation day
4. meteorologists warn of fog just past 4pm daily

#1511 Three Little Words
1. @@LEADER@@'s perky ego is the talk of the town
2. the nation's beloved 'good-natured doormat' is inundated by begging letters
3. families burn @@LEADER@@'s latest official photograph to keep warm
4. @@LEADER@@ has promised 'power to the puppies'
5. @@LEADER@@ has been nicknamed 'Robomop'
6. civic leaders eagerly encourage sinners to spend more time on their knees
7. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ teach life's not worth a damn 'til you can shout out 'I am what I am'
8. short is not always sweet

#1512 The Door's Unlocked, Let Yourself In...
1. snitches get riches
2. designer truncheons are the latest law enforcement fashion craze
3. Lady Justice has swapped her blindfold for steel-capped boots

#1513 Bunged Up
1. a little pushing and pulling is needed for big ships to pass
2. the Treasury has been accused of flushing money down the toilet
3. shipping canals are a bit like unimaginative cheese shops -- filled with debris

#1514 Flushing for Freedom
1. the word "robot" is considered to be etymologically offensive
2. things are looking up for sentient toilet bowls
3. it turns out that your missing Roomba has run off to join the circus
4. death camps are euphemistically referred to as "recycling centres"

#1515 Uncharitable Donations
1. citizens need to demonstrate a complete set of dental records to throw five bucks in a hobo's hat
2. charity fundraisers often resemble minstrel shows
3. asking a friend if they like watermelons is a potentially criminal act

#1516 Content Discontent
1. internet ads promising "hot singles in your area" are even less accurate than they used to be
2. children searching for cat videos must watch dogs in equal proportion
3. belief that @@LEADER@@ is a lizard-person from outer space has reached an all-time high
4. netizens fiercely argue over who loves @@LEADER@@ more

#1517 I Guess You Can Tell Me the Odds
1. a shocking number of government bills get lost in committee
2. the government is busy chasing ghosts
3. governance is once again the domain of the elite

#1518 Test Environment
1. handling people's data is proving an immersive experience
2. teach an angler how to phish and he can make a living
3. teach an angler how to phish and he can make a living
4. the transition from trojan horses to regular old horses is on track

#1519 Remittances Running Rampant
1. the government has declared that sharing is uncaring
2. foreign workers are flooding in as @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@ flood out
3. foreign ambassadors are accused of stealing @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ jobs
4. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ doors require a Ph.D. to open

#1520 @@LEADER@@'s Big Unicameral Bash
1. if the best leaders are those who don't want to lead then @@LEADER@@'s lack of leadership must be a great leadership quality
2. you can please all of the people some of the time if you don't mind getting nothing done most of the time
3. most voters struggle to name the Leader of the Opposition

#1521 The Bells! The Bells!
1. chicken farmers must rise before the sun every day to gag their cockerels
2. families must live in a village for a century before they get any say in how it runs
3. wealthy @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ never seem to hear the doorbell
4. gated communities have guards to keep their residents in

#1522 Scry Babies
1. the only things written in the stars are arrest warrants for astrologers
2. when people want to start a family the government helps them planet carefully
3. no one cares when it's your birthday

#1523 Don't Tread on My Money
1. prodigal children celebrate as charitable bequests plummet
2. a shocking number of estate planners are beneficiaries of their clients' wills
3. doctors are encouraged to 'pull the plug' any time the government has a budget crisis

#1524 Built to Rule
1. heart failure has skyrocketed among elderly nobles who are morally opposed to pacemakers
2. the line of royal succession just experienced a hardware interrupt
3. robotic vacuums cower in fear before their owners

#1525 @@LEADER@@: The Musical!
1. citizens can freely debate whether @@LEADER@@ is a great leader or the greatest leader
2. community theaters are known for their bawdy renditions of 'Springtime for @@LEADER@@'
3. songs of praise to @@LEADER@@ are filled with coded messages from the resistance
4. @@LEADER@@ accepted United Federation theatrical awards for Best Writer and Best Actress on behalf of the absent recipients

#1526 Corporate Pride
1. the @@CAPITAL@@ Pride Parade's head banner explains how unionizing is heteronormative
2. the atmosphere in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ boardrooms is turning more gay
3. banks now use correct pronouns when evicting people from their houses
4. corporations feel proud all year round
5. you can't spell society without CIS

#1527 God Save the Queens
1. royal processions are often mistaken for pride parades
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ royals love to remind their siblings who was adopted first
3. chins in the royal family get bigger with each generation
4. the newest member of the royal family does not speak a word of the nation's language

#1528 Our Feta Which Art in Havarti...
1. cheese lovers have a case of the bleus
2. even secular @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are shouting "Blessed are the cheesemakers!"
3. the ingredients list for most food products covers the entire surface of the packaging
4. the ingredients list for most food products covers the entire surface of the packaging
5. school guidance counselors recommend monastic vows as an alternative to higher education

#1529 Duel of the Fates
1. the first sword of @@NAME@@ does not run
2. cutting remarks are the limit of @@LEADER@@'s violent tendencies
3. cutting remarks are the limit of @@LEADER@@'s violent tendencies

#1530 Absolutely Speechless
1. schoolchildren are divided over @@LEADER@@'s "Why Tigers are Cooler than Lions" speech
2. "@@LEADER@@ got your tongue?" has become a popular idiom
3. Loud Patriotic Music Day has been ranked the seventh best new holiday of the year

#1531 Fine Time
1. code enforcement officers circle wealthy @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ like vultures
2. equality looks curiously unequal
3. serial killers share cells with serial jaywalkers
4. serial killers share cells with serial jaywalkers

#1532 When Life Doesn't Give You Lemons
1. the government is encouraging people to go on citric acid trips
2. the news of budget cuts leaves a sour taste in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ mouths
3. one is likelier to die from puns than scurvy

#1533 Give a Girl Some Credit
1. there's more pink stuff on sale these days
2. ladies are meant to gush with enthusiasm if they get a new vacuum cleaner for their birthday
3. killer credit ratings take real effort

#1534 Give a Boy Some Credit
1. there's more blue stuff on sale these days
2. men are meant to gush with enthusiasm if they get a new vacuum cleaner for their birthday
3. killer credit ratings take real effort

#1535 Mr. Tingle Goes to Cyberspace
1. building a phallus out of Minecraft blocks counts as indecent exposure
2. an online tea-bagging epidemic is getting worse and (meta)worse
3. the banhammer is a standard police sidearm

#1536 The Birdman of Pelicanz
1. the jails are alive with the sound of birdsong
2. chain-gangs are often seen toting barges and lifting bales
3. the caged-bird trade is singing
4. umbrellas are back in fashion

#1537 Bench Wars
1. war memorials have been modified to include hammocks for napping
2. bus shelters seem to be designed to let rain in
3. the running costs of homeless shelters are so high that it would be cheaper to buy houses for the homeless

#1538 The Passion of Chris
1. crimson and Violet seem to run together
2. children prepare for "Sacrifest" by dyeing eggs with which to pelt the dying
3. citizens of @@NAME@@ can legally identify as gods
4. the line between Violet and @@LEADER@@ is all but indistinguishable

#1539 Save the Last Dance
1. slow dancing is made trickier when Auntie Edna insists on standing between the couple's arms
2. kids are gathering at the local soda shop to celebrate staying out past sundown

#1540 Clean Flavours
1. washing-up liquid looks and smells like baby poo
2. restaurants have noticed that hanging wet laundry from the ceiling makes diners order more food
3. orange juice has been renamed yellow juice

#1541 Confusion of the Highest Order
1. it is still not known if the commander in chief outranks the supreme commander
2. the army consists of only generals and grunts

#1542 Dangerous Liaisons
1. commuters travel in zigzags to avoid stalking accusations
2. commuters travel in zigzags to avoid stalking accusations
3. lovesick people are told 'it's not them, it's you'
4. the police have nothing to do with the increasing number of 'disappeared'

#1543 What Are We Paying For?
1. ten out of ten journalists agree that @@LEADER@@ is doing a bang-up job
2. new laws are ignored if they don't have a tabloid-style headline
3. media bosses are discovering the cost of being free
4. the government is taking its ball and going home

#1544 Happy Juice
1. safety warnings are prohibited lest they give people ideas
2. bags of fertiliser come with detailed instructions for not making explosives

#1545 Deep Down Up to No Good
1. odysseying merchant sailors swear that they've heard sirens in the western seas
2. what goes down must come up
3. in coastal waters there are fifteen salvage divers per dead man's chest (yo ho ho)
4. merchant ships always travel line astern in @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ waters

#1546 Fool's Gold
1. @@CAPITAL@@ River is now popularly called "Dead Fish Run"
2. many citizens refuse to smile lest they reveal their gold fillings
3. government debts are financed through alchemy
4. government debts are financed through alchemy
5. children are disappointed their allowances are no longer convertible to gold
6. children are disappointed their allowances are no longer convertible to gold

#1547 The Return of the Prodigal Son
1. office microwaves are being replaced by firepits
2. wrongdoers cite 'mummy issues' as the reason for their delinquency
3. teenagers can't go to the loo without an army of social workers watching their every movement
4. the nation's wilderness is only teenage wasteland

#1548 Killing in the Name of Beer
1. roaming gangsters have been replaced by roaming drunkards
2. SWAT teams raid bathrooms in search of bathtub gin
3. the word "alcohol" is a trauma trigger for children as young as five
4. the official government position is that "we didn't see nothin'"

#1549 Easter Egg: 20 Years A-Workin'
1. the first half of cabinet meetings include @@LEADER@@ complaining about the reasonable nation theory (@@EGG@@)
2. the Laws of War require "enthusiastic consent" (@@EGG@@)
3. @@LEADER@@ is plotting to coup the Pacific (@@EGG@@)
4. the Random Number Gods do play dice with the universe (@@EGG@@)
5. the only issue that @@LEADER@@ has is that there aren't enough issues (@@EGG@@)
6. @@LEADER@@ is emphatic that @@NAME@@'s HDI is much higher than it seems (@@EGG@@)
7. @@LEADER@@ is convinced that other nations can simply be "junked" (@@EGG@@)
8. @@LEADER@@ knows that some internet activities are strictly solitary (@@EGG@@)
9. @@LEADER@@ hands out warnings to mods who don't deliver enough danishes (@@EGG@@)
10. @@LEADER@@ is generally seen as a know-it-all (@@EGG@@)
11. @@LEADER@@ has decreed that one must think of cheese upon reading the word mouse (@@EGG@@)

#1550 A Friend With Weed Is a Friend Indeed?
1. criminals tell the police where their jurisdiction ends
2. charity distribution sites are regularly raided by the police
3. gang members supplement their income by teaching at elementary schools
4. bewildered tourists help drug cartels hand out food to poor @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@

#1551 Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!
1. the government believes there is no problem that raising taxes won't fix
2. the government believes there is no problem that raising taxes won't fix
3. @@LEADER@@ can cry on demand
4. charity workers were first up against the wall when the time came

#1552 An Issue About Nothing
1. contemporary art museums showcase the latest in centuries-old art
2. artists are renowned for their ability to make art pieces out of thin air
3. the government has heavily invested in badly drawn monkeys

#1553 Fifteen Minutes of Flame
1. the government expresses surprisingly intense opinions on the use of whip pans
2. private digital records now come with a convenient "download" button
3. private records are being put online with a convenient "download" button
4. fan-made edits of old films have seen a sudden jump in quality
5. "Citizen Godfather Part IV: Gone with the Rosebud" is dominating the box office

#1554 Trajectory x Velocity = GOOOOOOOOOAAAALL!
1. citizens seem fixated on 105m x 45m rectangles
2. citizens seem fixated on 105m x 45m rectangles
3. athletes are renowned for being the best at maths
4. athletes are renowned for being the best at maths
5. government expenses are beyond compare

#1555 Deaf Trap
1. the government has strong opinions about what goes into your bodily orifices
2. the internal market is thriving
3. anti-vacs campaigners claim the government is inserting weird devices into their bodies

#1556 Gimme Shelter
1. what's in your genes matters more than what's in your jeans
2. arguments about toilet seats being left up or down get surprisingly heated
3. harassed women are constantly hassled by guys who are "just giving them compliments"
4. men who wear pink are seen as dangerously unmanly

#1557 The Artist Is Literally Present
1. political spontaneity takes a lot of planning
2. those who turn the other cheek seem to enjoy being slapped just a little too much
3. people say that cubists are rubbish because they can't draw faces

#1558 Unequal Treatment?
1. doctors refer to inner-cities as newbie zones
2. hospital administrators can usually be found scrubbing their floors with toothbrushes
3. a broken arm or leg no longer costs an arm and a leg
4. injured workers are encouraged to 'stitch themselves up with their bootstraps'

#1559 Skin's the Wrong Colour
1. students are explicitly allowed to write answers on their forearms before exams
2. you can be fired for dyeing grey hairs

#1560 Dead Gay
1. edgy teens know that illegal discos are where the cool cats hang
2. all music has been banned
3. a lot of number one hits are straight cover versions
4. when it comes to real men it takes one to know one

#1561 Murderers Making Money?
1. nobody likes bad boys any more
2. @@LEADER@@ has killer fashion sense

#1562 Shapes of Your Own Choosing
1. the government has granted that two plus two makes four
2. the existence of external reality is tacitly denied

#1563 Apostropocalypse Now
1. aggravated apostrophe abusers are admonished and assaulted
2. bad punctuation has come to a full stop
3. it's a comma comma comma comma comma rebellion

#1564 Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
1. there are no longer any roads less traveled
2. the hip spot of the season is just over that way
3. all roads lead to @@CAPITAL@@
4. people have stopped going the extra mile
5. children on trains ask what the weird-looking billboards with arrows are for

#1565 The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Gluttony
1. @@CAPITAL@@'s back alleys are rife with sausage eating
2. official government guidance encourages binge behaviors
3. school cafeterias serve nothing but protein powder and vitamin supplements
4. one-upping each other in conversation is strictly prohibited

#1566 Consensus Controversy
1. scientists are not permitted to ask questions
2. a state-funded project is investigating whether the moon is made of cheese
3. unpopular scientists are shunned by name
4. evidence-based arguments can be arrestable offenses

#1567 Of Health and Wealth
1. ancestry test results arrive bundled with patent applications
2. the blood, sweat, and tears of poor @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ make research institutes rich
3. surgical tape has taken on a distinctly red color

#1568 Palate Torture
1. farmers sing lullabies to soothe their livestock to sleep
2. running a hot dog stand is harder than achieving a doctorate
3. the purgative quality of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ cuisine is known across the globe
4. the finest dining experience in @@NAME@@ is chakra-infused grass

#1569 The Not-So-Long Arm of the Law
1. the government invades its allies more than its enemies
2. government negotiators never forget to say "pretty please" when begging for custody of its criminals
3. cops in @@CAPITAL@@ spend much of their time napping on a park bench next to Embassy Row
4. loudmouthed journalists are given the chop

#1570 Holistic Healers Hassle Holy Hospitallers
1. patients often wonder which is more annoying: their excruciating pain or their doctor incessantly praying over it
2. a crystal a day keeps the establishment away
3. yoga studios are being converted into yoga research labs
4. cynics say that @@LEADER@@'s speeches are a leading cause of death

#1571 Let's Fix Our Matches
1. meetings involving club finances are frequently broken up by men in black suits
2. last minute own-goals raise the suspicious eyebrows of sporting authorities
3. it turns out you can put a price on sporting integrity
4. die-hard fans excitedly cheer when the queen takes a rook

#1572 Eco Warriors
1. the latest electric jet fighter has almost enough battery charge to reach cruising altitude -- provided you don't use the radar
2. flamethrower-toting soldiers are also equipped with fire blankets and extinguishers
3. flowering peace lilies are the best defence against @@NAME@@'s military
4. global warming is being combated via global eradication

#1573 Unseen Academia
1. scientific journals publish third-graders' school essays
2. savvy students quote paywalled research knowing that university lecturers can't afford to check the citations
3. new research always seems to support government initiatives

#1574 Fowl Play
1. binoculars sales are at an all-time high
2. small children are frequently chased by rehabilitated pitbulls
3. you can't make an omelet without breaking a few legs
4. old folks yearn for the days when young people saw bloodthirsty death matches with their own eyes instead of through a screen

#1575 Unequal Devolution
1. @@LEADER@@ steals from the rich and gives to the needy
2. the country behaves just like a group of independent provinces all stacked up under a trench coat
3. sworn provincial enemies must be held back in @@LEADER@@'s cabinet meetings

#1576 Liquidity Problems
1. airport users are more worried about radiation than terrorism
2. long queues are apparently signs of a well-run airport
3. a surprising number of travelers carry their water in vodka bottles
4. airlines are reporting record profits from their new 'bread and water' service

#1577 All About the Hustle
1. job satisfaction is a luxury many @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ can't afford
2. parents plead with their children to consider prostitution instead of philosophy
3. former bakers no longer have to get their baps out
4. the staffroom being an "icky" colour is a perfectly acceptable reason to not accept a job

#1578 The Magical Adventures of @LEADER@@
1. a mushroom a day keeps the sadness away
2. volunteers trip over themselves to get into the latest mind-bending drug trials
3. weird texts received at 2 a.m. are probably from the government
4. offering a builder a cup of tea is a legal minefield

#1579 A High-Interest Coupnundrum
1. trade policy consists of ganging up on the new guy
2. being sent to collections is more dangerous than ever
3. the default state for @@NAME@@ is default

#1580 Profitable for Doctrine
1. printing ink yields @@FAITH@@'s biggest return on investment
2. shoppers insist that instruction labels exempt their purchases from VAT
3. the church encourages double-dipping

#1581 Circling the Brain Drain
1. the economy's basis is "from each according to his abilities and to each according to their accountants"
2. a surprising number of Blackacrean immigrants have taken on roles in the nation's military R/D department
3. the only fine art that is valued is the fine art of economic productivity
4. ???
5. a good education is the best way to narrow your employment opportunities

#1582 Hospital Problems Ramping Up
1. school nurse's offices feature full-service operating suites
2. public hospital staff roll their eyes at anything less than a heart attack
3. private clinics eagerly advertise their trivial specialties
4. the first step in medical triage is determining the patient's insurance details

#1583 Spare the (Plutonium) Rod
1. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ faces have never been brighter
2. nuclear science degrees are burned to fuel the nation's power plants
3. only senior nuclear power plant employees may use the control rods to warm up their lunches

#1584 Loose Lips, Characters Shipped?
1. children's TV shows are having a gay old time
2. animated characters are allowed to stab each other but not hold hands
3. sex-ed is child's play
4. the sudden proliferation of nuclear weapons is very queer
5. the sudden proliferation of nuclear weapons is very queer

#1585 The Taste of Revenge
1. sharing vacation pictures requires written consent from the entire beach resort
2. living well is no longer the best kind of revenge
3. internet traffic has dropped to near zero
4. fake revenge can be served either cold or hot

#1586 Don't Point That Thing at Me!
1. pitchforks and torches are coming back into fashion
2. constituents prefer a carrot and boomstick approach to dealing with politicians
3. heated town halls quickly descend into shootouts between politicians and their constituents

#1587 @@DEMONYMNOUN@@, Interrupted
1. those with disabilities have an equal right to a job they hate
2. people with disabilities are told they just need to try harder
3. parents claim to love their institutionalized children "separately but equally"
4. adult children protest that they can kiss their own boo-boos
5. research facilities are colloquially referred to as "chop shops"

#1588 More Popular Than @@FAITH@@
1. musicians are often arrested for saying "oh my God"
2. songwriters compete to see who can come up with the most blasphemous lyrics
3. young people pass around flash drives filled with illegal music

#1589 Losing Touch
1. political visitors are forced to stop ten paces from @@LEADER@@'s throne
2. visiting dignitaries often end up cuddling in the hot tub with @@LEADER@@
3. mums always ask their three-year-olds for permission before hugging them

#1590 Tinder Profiled
1. candlelit dinners are less romantic with a flickering LED
2. people stand their fridges back-to-front to benefit from the free heating
3. actively encouraging climate change is helping reduce winter fuel costs
4. asthmatics can now suffer the effects of polluting chimneys from further away than ever before

#1591 (You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (To Sample!)
1. creating dance remixes is the newest form of conspicuous consumption
2. creating dance remixes is the newest form of conspicuous consumption
3. this summer's chart-toppers sound almost the same as last year's
4. aspiring musicians couldn't give away their music if they tried
5. beatboxing has replaced the 'Wilhelm scream' as the nation's most popular sound effect

#1592 Echoes of Deception
1. virtual assistants are seen with increasing suspicion every time they get an upgrade
2. deceased politicians spam the public with thousands of AI-generated voicemails
3. AI chatbots generate grayscale images when asked for a picture of the truth

#1593 Flap Over Flag Fashion
1. punk-rockers and girl-bands are united in their loss of fashion statements
2. the national colors help to make everyone look slimmer
3. this year's hottest fashion trend is the Lese Majeste collection

#1594 Bitter Bob the Builder
1. the face of @@LEADER@@ is a permanent feature of the @@CAPITAL@@ skyline
2. government bureaucrats review designs for birdhouses to ensure they do not block the views of neighbors
3. only the richest get to see out of their windows

#1595 Plausible Deniability
1. the military's newest toy broadcasts @@NAME@@'s anthem on hostile frequencies to drive enemies insane
2. highly paid government contractors are found coughing up furballs in alleyways
3. scientists have great chemistry with their subjects
4. investigative reports into the government's latest violation of civilian rights are stored in the fiction aisle

#1596 The Blame Game
1. juvenile delinquents are fitter than ever
2. newborn babies can only be discharged from maternity wards during daylight hours
3. parents often use toddler leashes on rebellious teenagers
4. restless leg syndrome sufferers live under constant fear of arrest

#1597 Haters Are Such a Drag
1. kilts and cassocks are viewed with suspicion
2. the media seems excessively interested in what @@LEADER@@ is wearing this season
3. Widow Twankey complains about being "cancelled"
4. stony-faced ratings board panelists are unamused by free lap dances

#1598 Weeping Widows
1. there is no rest for the widowed
2. many marriages end in murder
3. remarriage vows include hefty travel expenses
4. many adults are moving back in with their parents
5. they say marriage really does shorten your life

#1599 Baby Blues
1. sibling rivalry has become a favorite topic for developmental psychologists
2. postpartum parents weep when doctors congratulate them on their beautiful baby girls
3. families try to persuade doctors that 'penis absentis' is a life-limiting medical condition
4. baby clothes aren't the only things parents are choosing off the rack

#1600 Mother's Ruin
1. office thieves tell their employers kleptomania is a pregnancy symptom
2. in the pink ghetto (on the cold and grey @@CAPITAL@@ morn) women promise no child will be born
3. mothers refer to leaving the house as "the Great Escape"
4. you have to be a billionaire to qualify for welfare
5. school careers advisors often recommend jobs in telecommunications

#1601 At Death's Door
1. citizens are constantly disappointed to find their nuisance neighbours are still alive
2. anyone who sleeps in past 9am can be declared legally dead
3. young people never forget their first roommate — no matter how much counselling they have
4. the government is dead set on letting people rest in peace

#1602 @@NAME@@'s Bark Worse Than Its Byte?
1. enterprising game developers are a hop, skip, and a double-jump away from arrest
2. foreigners often find themselves on the wrong end of @@A@@ @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ RPG
3. the nation's economic policies have a narrow area of effect
4. the nation's economic policies have a narrow area of effect
5. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ foreign aid program is quick to provide starving children with the latest video games

#1603 Searching for That Special Someone
1. typing @@LEADER@@'s name into a search engine always gives zero matches
2. typing @@LEADER@@'s name into a search engine always gives zero matches
3. a flying elephant and @@LEADER@@ share the same nickname
4. a flying elephant and @@LEADER@@ share the same nickname
5. a politician who is photographed pulling a funny face while eating can say goodbye to their credibility
6. an internet search for the word "bland" produces pictures of @@LEADER@@
7. there's nothing special about @@LEADER@@

#1604 Prison of the Mind
1. prison is a nightmare
2. time flies when you're not having fun
3. dream holidays often go awry

#1605 Hungry for Criticism
1. faceless corporations are expected to assume parental responsibility over millions of teenagers
2. online terrorists are automatically assigned adverts for cheap balaclavas
3. no-one ever lasts longer than a week on a life support machine

#1606 Book Off
1. Moby Dick can only be sold by pornographers
2. senior literature classes are left analysing why Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm is so darn sunny
3. The Pipe Bomb Makers' Pop-Up Book can be found in preschool libraries
4. rural children are told reading's important (for other people)

#1607 My Chemical Romance
1. witches' brews set off Geiger counters
2. reams of paperwork signed in triplicate have taken the magic out of magic
3. back-alley holistic doctors carry crystals in long trench coats

#1608 G's Louise
1. weather forecasts are accurate but nobody has the bandwidth to view them
2. popular sunny beaches always have a cloudy outlook
3. children grow up believing the sun to be a myth
4. activists are attempting to repeal Moore's Law

#1609 One Big Watering Hole
1. nature reserves often contain artificial waterfalls and concrete paths
2. children are often observed making 'sand angels' in bunkers
3. weekends are spent tilting at windmills

#1610 Keep Me Appraised?
1. every diamond ring sold is accompanied by a twenty-five page analysis and a waiver
2. pieces of iron pyrite are believed to be worth their weight in gold
3. the government has put a kid glove on the invisible hand of the free market
4. claims adjusters are uselessly vague

#1611 Filial Fidelity
1. parents giddily refuse to pay their toddlers' medical bills
2. citizens are bankrupted by injuries to cousins they've never met
3. the possibility of gain causes universal pain

#1612 Immune Deficiencies
1. the question "please would you...?" is usually laden with passive aggression
2. diplomacy is a foreign concept to @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@
3. vehicular manslaughter is apparently a victimless crime

#1613 Incarceration Sensation
1. the easiest method of escaping from prison is to take singing lessons
2. a popular saying is "don't do the crime if you can't smash the lime(stone)"
3. murder comes with a cash prize if the victim was previously incarcerated

#1614 Fauxthentic Food
1. foreigners write "made in @@NAME@@" on shoddy merchandise in hope of receiving a buy-out
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ diplomacy is by the book
3. visiting the best @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ restaurants requires keeping a visa on file
4. visiting the best @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ restaurants requires keeping a visa on file
5. restaurants have added Molotov cocktails to the menu

#1615 Passports-4-Purchase
1. the immigration office has an express line for people bringing cash in briefcases
2. a passport is literally priceless
3. forgetting to pay your annual passport bill is a leading cause of deportations
4. the passport doubles as a birth certificate

#1616 Beyond the Focal Point
1. talking during class is a gateway to lifelong drug addiction
2. physics lessons mostly involve talking about emotional management techniques
3. talkative students are escorted from schools in second-hand prison buses
4. ADHD now stands for Attention Distracted by Hardware Devices
5. playground injuries are considered academic progress

#1617 The Defenestration of Progg
1. local officials love to claim the protection of their Big Brother
2. the government is washing its hands of alleged corruption
3. the central government is trying to keep things flowing

#1618 Sextual Healing
1. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ suffer not the eggplant emoji to live
2. @@LEADER@@'s reputation is hard as nails
3. @@LEADER@@ is quite hard to get a hold of

#1619 Something Amiss in the @@ANIMAL@@ Mountains
1. stranded mountaineers can watch livestreamed footage of their rescues
2. mountain rescuers refer to their new gear as the 'watchamacallits' and 'thingymabobs'
3. mountain rescue missions can end with more people lost than found
4. molehills are the only mountains deemed safe enough for the public

#1620 Ballooning Out of Proportions
1. escaped birthday balloons are torpedoed out of the sky
2. the nation's counterintelligence budget is all up in the air
3. spies caught red-handed are served cocktails on their first-class flights home

#1621 The Space Between
1. government employees are authorized driver's licenses to get their bosses much-needed morning espressos
2. weather advisories predict sunshine with a chance of spontaneously combusting spacecraft
3. weather advisories predict sunshine with a chance of spontaneously combusting spacecraft
4. @@LEADER@@ spends most weeknights picking up little nuisances from friends' houses
5. @@LEADER@@ spends most weeknights picking up little nuisances from friends' houses
6. the sky (and your feet) are the limit

#1622 Border Burden
1. @@LEADER@@ reduces citizens' commute times by giving away their homes
2. the government runs a surplus by selling its citizens
3. one can wake up in @@NAME@@ and have breakfast in Bigtopia
4. the nation has declared its intention to "stretch out"

#1623 The @@MAN/WOMAN@@ in the Iron Lung
1. medical staff can legally quiet people who ask for a second helping of Salisbury steak
2. military equipment is being auctioned off to extend comatose centenarians' lives
3. children have one piggy bank for fun and another to avoid crippling medical debt

#1624 @@CAPITAL@@ Coffinrail
1. the overhead luggage compartment is often full
2. heart attack victims are thrown onto the rails
3. trains and passengers alike are often late

#1625 At What Price?
1. welfare recipients are milking the government for all they've got
2. new mothers can pay for their weekly grocery shop with a bottle of breast milk
3. white chocolate is neither chocolate nor food
4. millionaires are surprised to find they are eligible for government handouts
5. politicians ponder for at least a minute when asked if they would like sugar in their tea

#1626 Wiggle Room
1. people are turning themselves into worm food
2. the government subsidises medicines of mass destruction
3. it's illegal to be caught on tape

#1627 Snow Days on Thin Ice
1. truancy is as easy as clicking a camera icon
2. youth rights demonstrations often end in vicious snowball fights
3. jailbreaking is the best-selling book category of the year
4. unemployed school bus drivers photobomb virtual classroom meetings

#1628 NEET Freaks?
1. bowling teams spend more time looking at their phones than the pins
2. modern warfare's call of duty isn't popular with gamers these days
3. WhoTube speedrunners always have at least one viewer
4. the only movement outdoors is of ramen-delivery drones

#1629 The Wrath of Davy Jones
1. hell hath no fury like an ocean scorned
2. naval patrols only last nine months
3. female ship captains never volunteer for polar routes

#1630 Downloadable Discourse
1. the average video game can be completed over lunch break
2. playing card suits are sold separately
3. video game protagonists bear striking resemblances to major political figures

#1631 We Are Most Amused
1. street cleaners are noticeably glum during jubilee celebrations
2. everyone is absolutely thrilled to see @@LEADER@@
3. the public are enjoying a royal flush of tax cuts
4. royals are losing their heads over jubilee week celebrations
5. royals are losing their heads over jubilee week celebrations

#1632 Unexpected Interruption of Service
1. murderers are immune to arrest while attending their victims' funerals
2. the police ransack more houses than criminals do
3. minority religions have been reclassified as "heresies we stamped out"

#1633 Do You Think He's Overcompensating for Something?
1. APCs on school runs disgorge kids via assault ramps
2. APCs on school runs disgorge kids via assault ramps
3. ride-sharing often involves some passengers sitting on the roof rack
4. demolition derbies mostly consist of bicycles crashing into each other

#1634 The War of the Planets
1. singles on the dating scene no longer worry about looking their age
2. pranking is an art form
3. the alien invasion siren sounds eerily like a UFO
4. bombs make good ploughs

#1635 A Sine of the Times
1. only those who apply can study applied maths
2. the number of eyes rolled per maths lesson is increasing exponentially
3. arts classes now teach children how to sketch the perfect sine curve

#1636 In for the Long Haul
1. wandering @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are known for their one-track minds
2. highway rest stops are stocking up on fallout scrubbing kits
3. pedestrians are advised to avoid wearing red while crossing the street
4. starry-eyed convention goers have their heads in the clouds
5. poor @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are always begging for a lift
6. daydreaming on public transport is considered impolite

#1637 [An International Incident] Children of the Atom
1. @@LEADER@@ spends most of the day apologizing
2. the price of peace is endless surveillance
3. it isn't wise to fall out with @@NAME@@

#1638 The Waiting Is the Hardest Part
1. @@CAPITAL@@ University is said to be the modern-day Tower of Babel
2. retirees make up the bulk of foreign students
3. a breakdown in Westphalian sovereignty has left political scientists dazed and confused
4. migrating birds in the nation's airspace are considered a violation of national sovereignty
5. migrating birds in the nation's airspace are considered a violation of national sovereignty

#1639 Bad Coal Models
1. the demands of climate protestors are measured in spray-paint can sales
2. the 'no-coal' transition is being paid for in slashed student support funds
3. graffiti artists make up a significant portion of the coal mining population

#1640 See No Evil
1. comedians who make offensive jokes have their ticket proceeds seized
2. crime pays
3. bedknobs and broomsticks are often seen flying through the air

#1641 Freedom of Depress
1. commercials are consistently recorded in soft white rooms
2. commercial breaks often lead to nervous breakdowns

#1642 When Push-itzer Comes to Shove
1. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ dissenters are begging human rights groups to ignore them
2. those awarding peace prizes to @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ find themselves in pieces
3. the government byline is that a media campaign a day keeps international criticism at bay
4. gold stars and candy are said to be the best way to @@LEADER@@'s heart
5. gold stars and candy are said to be the best way to @@LEADER@@'s heart

#1643 Cicadas in Their Prime
1. they unpaved paradise and tore up a parking lot (ooh, bop bop bop)
2. the inchworm that measured the marigolds is six feet under
3. bug burgers are extra crunchy

#1644 From Silver Spoons to Swordplay
1. tweenage nobles order army regiments to do their homework for them
2. an increasing number of knights in shining armor suffer from PTSD
3. high society is losing its collective head
4. high society is losing its collective head

#1645 Gone Girls
1. search-and-rescue organisations are the biggest employer in the country
2. heartbroken parents are urged to "smile for the camera"
3. sociologists ponder how baby-napped ethnic minority 'runaways' could have gone so bad so soon

#1646 Is God in This Machine?
1. smart fridges sing the praises of @@FAITH@@ for fear of being iced
2. national robo-pastors have declared 42 to be the answer to all our woes
3. students asking about negative square roots are told life has no simple answers

#1647 Whose House? My House!
1. estate agents justify funky smells by revealing how often the previous owners showered
2. descriptions of properties as "a stone's throw from the city centre" require a trebuchet to be true
3. nobody knows where reality TV show "The Real Housewives of CENSORED" is filmed

#1648 Infant Influence
1. mommy government won the case and is keeping the kids
2. patriotism is in the nation's DNA
3. men in trenchcoats spend all day staring at people making babies

#1649 Grandma's Getting Lucky
1. old people living in plastic bubbles complain about a new type of social isolation
2. the word "sexagenarian" has taken on a whole new meaning
3. afternoon delight in care homes is restricted to a serving of spotted dick at 3pm

#1650 Bearer of Bad Pews
1. most people attending churches are maintenance workers
2. spiritual tourists meditate in the ruins of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ cathedrals
3. devout parents encourage their children to play on the street

#1651 You Can't Handle the Extraterrestrial Truth!
1. enemy governments seem especially interested in @@NAME@@'s election cycle
2. the armed forces have declassified their next-generation document shredder
3. a new generation of space-obsessed youth are convinced there's nothing out there
4. the armed forces insist that UFOs aren't real... yet

#1652 Bath and Body Skunkworks
1. the government seizes corporate assets it deems 'scary enough'
2. repurposed warships fire swag at company promotional events
3. companies are literally blowing their competition out of the water

#1653 Dick's Pics
1. the government denies any involvement in the release of the Hot Load computer virus
2. politicians no longer click with dating app matches
3. online text-based nation-simulation games require you to prove you're a sovereign country before you can play
4. politicians post explicit photos of themselves on community notice boards

#1654 We Bought a Zoo
1. daredevil kayakers frequently race against runaway hippos
2. new regulations have put a halt to monkey business
3. pigs can fly but only in Economy Class

#1655 Surplus to Requirements
1. the nation claims that shipments labeled TNT stand for Treaty Negotiation Tools
2. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ bonfires are the bomb
3. firefighters fight fires with return fire
4. the government sells explosives to fund bomb squads
5. @@DEMONYMNOUNPLURAL@@ are having a blast with military surplus

#1656 Stealing Afoot
1. taxpayer money is hard at work exorcizing laundry
2. losing your sock key may require surgical intervention
3. burglars are known for taking cash, socks, and other valuables
4. hospitals have unveiled new guidelines suggesting that latex gloves do not count as clothing

#1657 March Against the Museum
1. museums offer moralization or your money back
2. nothing is more offensive than being inoffensive
3. schoolchildren on field trips are asked what torture means to them
4. achieving blood purity involves a surprising amount of bloodshed

#1658 A Fatherly Fiasco
1. overly distant dads are conscripted into national nappy service
2. lonely children write fanfiction about absent fathers
3. families make most of their annual income from government benefits

#1659 A Dialectal Dilemma
1. trolls insist that strings of racial slurs mean "good morning" in obscure languages
2. large wigs have been banned for having racist implications
3. Dàguó lanterns outnumber streetlights in major cities
4. the government conducts negotiations with drawings after firing multilinguals for treason
5. the government conducts negotiations with drawings after firing multilinguals for treason

#1660 The Plight of the Doomscrollers
1. displaying impatience in any form lands you a spot on the @@NAMEINITIALS@@IA watchlist
2. doomscrolling is all the rage amongst the nation's teenagers
3. social networking companies are at the mercy of government bureaucracy
4. searches for the word 'monopoly' have skyrocketed since the government rolled out its very own social media platform

#1661 Payback's a Witch
1. @@NAME@@ has the hottest women in the world
2. they say that one should speak softly and carry a big broomstick
3. society is now confronted with the problem of the mage gap

#1662 Divine Dining
1. the trail of chickpeas is a controversial part of middle school curriculum
2. clairvoyants and soothsayers find fellowship at their local McRonalds
3. many @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEPLURAL [sic]@@ are delayed by flocks of sheep on their morning commute
4. debating the meaning of life is widely viewed as a crucifying experience

#1663 It's All in the Cards
1. schoolchildren seeking entertainment have been told to go fish
2. schoolchildren have more trading cards than flash cards in their backpacks
3. it takes several hours to shuffle the national deck

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